Helljumpers: Feet First

by Equestrian Intelligence

Rating: mature
Tags: Halo, Princess Luna, Thriller, Science Fiction, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death
Length: 3399

Making first contact with a friendly alien species isn't in the job description.

All Chapters besides Prologue and Chapter 1 have been Unpublished for Rewrites. Chapters will be republished upon their individual rewrite completion.

It's been 27 years since we lost Harvest. This war has gone to shit. Sure, we win on the ground, but that's pretty damn useless when the Covenant can just retreat to orbit and glass the damn planet. we had over 800 colonies under our control, now we have a few dozen. The Cole Protocol kept the inner colonies safe, until we lost Reach. It kept Earth safe, until a Covenant battle group arrived in orbit. We were sent in to secure the carrier that landed. We weren't expecting what happened next.

This is mainly a Halo HiE Crossover with some elements of Red vs Blue sprinkled in.

Thanks to dalek117 for being a co-author
Thanks to discranola for editing
Cover Art provided by Str1ker878

Published 2020-02-27 06:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-08-16 06:29:42 UTC

Prologue

Prologue: October 20th, 2552, 14:32 Hours, Military Calendar. Aboard the UNSC Maine in low orbit above Earth, Sol System.

Alyssa Stephens could only watch through a viewscreen as the UNSC Maine dodged an incoming plasma torpedo. She swore as the frigate shook from the explosion as the torpedo had collided with the debris of a stalwart class frigate, saving the ship.

“Shite, that was too close”, a voice behind her shouted out in a thick Irish brogue. She couldn’t help but smile as she turned around to face the angry face of Nolan Byrne, one of her squadmates. Beside him was another fellow squadmate, Raymond Ellis as he looked at another screen with a different view.

“What the hell is that freak doing?” He exclaimed, drawing the attention of the rest of Beta 3. The freak in question was Spartan 117, the Master Chief as he soared through the battlefield. The squad watched in awe as a Marathon Heavy Cruiser took a crippling blow from a covenant carrier, further highlighting the Mjolnir clad warrior. They lost sight of him as he passed through an opening in the carrier created by a pair of Longsword Interceptors.

“He’s no freak”, Boris Gorbichev, the squad leader, stated sternly but continued to watch the action unfold. “He’s still human.”

“Can a human do that?” Raymond exclaimed as the spartan came back into view, highlighted by the screen, just before the Carrier exploded in the center, the blast expanding throughout the entire ship.

“I mean, we can toss you out the airlock and find out.” came the response from Abigail (Webby) Fletcher, the squad’s rifle specialist

“Prep the airlock Webby. I’m interested to see how that goes.” Boris said with a half smile, causing everyone except Raymond to laugh.

“Yeah, yeah. Fuck you too.” The CQC specialist grumbled to himself.

Dominique Abel, The squad’s medic, came into the launch bay with her tacpad in her hands. “Sir, priority communication from Lord Hood.”

“Send it to my tacpad Dominique.” Boris responded. “Admiral Hood, how can Beta 3 help you today?”

“The Master Chief is being sent down to the surface to find out exactly why the covenant carrier went to the surface.” Came the response from the admiral, “He has orders to attempt to board the carrier by any means necessary. Your squad along with several others will be deployed onto the carrier’s deck to assist him in that mission. Is this understood?”

“Yes sir.” Boris responded, “When will we drop?”

“Twenty minutes. You will be dropped ahead of the others, to secure the landing site.” Lord Hood commanded.

“Understood, sir. We’ll be ready.” Boris responded, with Lord Hood ending the communique.

“Sergeant, what’s our mission?” Alyssa asked, standing alert as Boris had walked a few metres back to have the conversation without the squad hearing anything. But they all knew that something big was about to happen.

Boris walked back over to them, his face serious. “Get prepped, ladies and gentlemen. Lord Hood wants us to land on the last remaining carrier to support the Master Chief in 20 minutes. I want us combat ready and in those pods in 5 minutes. Lets not disappoint him.”

“Don’t you worry Boris, I’m ready to kick some covie ass!” Byrne said excitedly, already grabbing his favorite weapon, the M41 SPNKr Rocket Launcher.

“If I get to see some covenant up close?” came the response from Ellis, his hands on his M45E Tactical Shotgun, “Today will be my lucky day.”

Alyssa smiled as she went over to the SRS99D-S2 AM Sniper Rifle leaning on the bench next to a set of lockers. She grabbed it and examined the scope, making sure that it was clean and functioning properly, then inserted the magazine into the rifle, before cycling the bolt, thus putting a round in the chamber. She grabbed three more magazines and placed them within the ammo pouch she carried on her hip.

Dominique, already settled in her pod with an MA5B Assault Rifle clipped in beside her. “I still don’t know why you haven’t adopted the new gear that the UNSC has provided to us,” she asked, alluding to the fact that Nolan still used the gear that now only appeared on old Stalwart Frigates. Byrne didn’t reply, but rather used an archaic gesture using one finger and directed it at the medic.

“Why you still use that antiquated weapon eludes me, Boris.”, Webby stated curtly, clipping her BR55 Battle Rifle into place.

Boris smiled as he looked at the ancient weapon in his hand, an MP-412 Rex from the late 20th Century. “This beauty has been in my family for nearly six hundred years, and it will be there for another six hundred for damn sure.”

“Somehow, I doubt that” Webby replied, rolling her eyes. “That thing is bloody useless against Elites and Jackals.”

“Maybe so, but against Grunts…” Boris shook the pistol while gesturing to Webby before flipping it in his hands and sliding it into the holster on his right side, “it does well enough, making them scream in agony from a long, painful death.”

Webby deadpanned at Boris. “You Russians sure are a gruesome bunch.”

“My family hasn’t resided in the motherland in over five hundred years you posh british asshole.” He retorted in an exaggerated accent.

They both looked at each other before bursting into fits of laughter, their ‘serious’ expressions vanishing, replaced with comradery. They fistbumped each other before Boris walked towards his pod, ending their daily banter.

Alyssa rolled her eyes as the squad heard every word. The fact that those two did that all the time never ceased to amaze her. Nolan however snorted at their exchange.

“Having another lovers moment, aren’t we, Boris” he teased before Boris glared at him. A common joke that the squad used was calling Boris and Webby lovers since they were quite close as a means of teasing them, annoying the two of them to no length. Nolan laughed as he sat down in his pod and closed the hatch.

“Irish prick,” Boris mumbled before grabbing a M7S submachine gun and standing in front of his pod, hand on the open hatch. He hated the fact that Byrne could just shut his pod hatch and end the conversation as he used an older model of SOEIV. This was common practice within the squad as Boris always waited for the others to close their pods before getting into his own.

Alyssa closed her pod then keyed in Nolan on the radio. “What’s the bet he called you a prick?” she asked, with Nolan chuckling on the other side.

“Lyssa,” he said, calling her by a nickname she hated, “Everyone calls me an Irish prick.”

“Ah, mate,” she smiled, “You underestimate how much people hate your guts.”

“Oh, I probably overestimate that!” Nolan jested, the two of them laughing their heads off.

ALERT. FIVE MINUTES TO DROP. came an announcement over Maine's PA, followed by the wailing klaxon of the drop alarm.

“You know the music, time to dance.” Boris announced.

“You stole that from Buck and you know it.” Webby retorted.

“He owes me a drink, I deserve to say that line once.” Boris responded in turn.

“If we make it through this alive, I’ll buy the whole damn bar,” Raymond said.

“Great, now he’s doing it as well,” Webby complained. “I’m surrounded by thieves.”

The entire squad felt the familiar lurch as their pods were jettisoned from the Paris Class Frigate. Boris had his radio keyed into the command frequency and heard some radio chatter from Alpha 9, namely Buck reminding Romeo to shut his mouth.

“Radiation!” came an Alert from the head of the Op.

“Did the Covenant nuke New Mombasa?” Byrne asked, not being able to see anything.

“The Carrier is transitioning inside the city!” Boris shouted. “We’re too close, we’re getting pulled in!”

That was the last transmission Beta 3 made before the Solemn Penance jumped taking half of New Mombasa with it.

Chapter 1

12:30, October 22, 2552 Military Calendar. Unknown Location

“Radio check. Can anyone hear me?” Byrne called over the squad’s radio frequency.”You know Ray, if you had the choice between a nine incher and ninety credits versus a three incher and three million credits, you’d probably go for option b. You get three million credits and an extra two inches.”

This caused some laughter and an expletive from Raymond.

“You know Byrne, making fun of small dick energy doesn't affect me. It’s about your spiritual dick, Your soul cock. You can have a small sausage and have the biggest bratwurst energy in the world. Dick energy transcends the human form you coward” came the retort from Ellis.

“Sod off, you two”, Webby shouted over the radio. “I am getting an aneurysm listening to both of you!”

“Besides, can anyone actually confirm where we are?” Alyssa asked her squad mates.

Webby looked at her scanners, then looked outside through the windows in the pod. “Well, we’re definitely not on the Covenant Carrier like we’re supposed to be, nor does this look like New Mombasa.”

“What actually happened,” Dominique asked, confused.

“When the carrier entered slipspace, we were pulled in for a second,” Boris explained. “We must have been all knocked unconscious since we all don’t know how we got here.”

“Should we pop our pods?” Byrne asked, “Because someone’s knocking on mine and it’s getting real fucking annoying. Also, are we together or anything?”

“I think I landed in some sort of farm.” Dominique asked, “Probably a horse ranch since one of them is coming up to my pod.”

“I’m in the middle of a forest, and I can see Webby’s pod across from mine,” said Raymond. “I swear I just saw a tree move.”

“I think I crashed through a clock tower of some kind, considering there are bits of it strewn around my pod.” Alyssa stated. “Funny, there are horses here too, in the distance.”

Boris tried to check his surroundings, but his windows were all fogged up. He opened the hatch and got out, finding himself in the ruins of an old 11th Century style castle. “I’ve apparently gotten stuck in the medieval period, with an actual fucking destroyed castle all around me. Lucky me.”

“This knocking is getting really annoying. Permission to pop my pod?” Byrne asked again.
“Granted”, Boris nonchalantly replied, distracted by what seemed to be curtains and decorations depicting horses. He spotted a book lying down and went over to pick it up.

Byrne proceeded to punch the release pins of his pod and the hatch blew forward.

Royal Ballroom, 10 minutes prior

Princess Celestia was enjoying the small gathering she held every month for the social elite of Canterlot. Although she’d rather be in her private quarters with her cake stash, She had a reputation to uphold. She was enjoying a conversation with Fancy Pants and Rarity when Luna came rushing in.

“Sister, a meteor is making its way in this direction, but it is demonstrating odd characteristics.”Luna told Celestia.

Celestia frowned. “What characteristics, Lulu?”

“It appears to be symmetrical and has changed course multiple times on its descent, not to mention it is slowing down.” Luna replied.

“How long until it impacts the surface?” Celestia asked, slightly concerned.

Her question was answered by the ceiling caving in and a metallic object crashing into the middle of the ballroom.

“About now.” Luna deadpanned.

Celestia turned to face Luna, giving her a ‘really’ look. “Could you have come here five seconds earlier, sister?”

Everypony present started to gather around the object, standing a fair distance away. All but one pony.

“Don’t worry Auntie’s, I’ll investigate the object!” Prince Blueblood exclaimed. His “Investigations” were just him tapping the object with his hoof. Repeatedly.

Celestia winced at the sight of her nephew doing this while Luna facehoofed. On the other side of the room, a white pony with a gorgeous purple mane simply looked annoyed at the antics of Blueblood. Celestia knew that Rarity had some bad history with Blueblood and wasn’t surprised by her expression, which many occupants of the hall had as well.

Blueblood stopped tapping when the object began to hiss. “I didn’t do anyth-'' He was cut off as a section of the object shot off and catapulted her nephew into the wall opposite him.

Celestia’s hearing was still as sharp as ever, and wasn’t surprised when she heard a muffled “Yes!” from Rarity.

“I'm not sure if I should be concerned or if I should laugh.” Celestia said. Luna however, was not as reserved.

She rolled on the floor, in a fit of laughter, crying because of how hard she was laughing, until they heard a voice come out of the object.

“OI! COULD YOU STOP KNOCKIN ON ME BLOODY POD YE CUNTS!” Byrne shouted. But he was surprised to see instead of a person, several equines surrounding the pod. “Dominique, I may need to see you, because I’m surrounded by horses, and I swear they have horns, and two of ‘em even have wings.”

The ponies were all shocked at the sight before them. A single bipedal creature in almost black clothing or armour with a single blue “eye” that dominated its “face”. There was no mouth, but they could clearly hear a voice coming from the head.

“Horses? We’re ponies you incompetent welp!” replied one of the nobles.

“Dominique, check my bio-monitor. I need to know if I have a concussion because one of them fucking talked.” Byrne's voice crackled over the radio.

“Nolan, I don’t think I need to,” she replied as she herself was confronted with an orange talking pony.

“Ah said, what are you?” came the question from the orange pony. “And how the hay are you speakin’ without a mouth?”

Dominique shook her head, seeing if she indeed had a concussion before realising that it was futile. She sighed before looking back at the pony. “Does anyone else know why the ponies are at two of our crash sites?”

“I think that these equines may be the inhabitants of this planet we’ve found ourselves on,” Boris interjected over the radio, “considering none of the artwork I’ve found in this castle feature a biped of any kind and- wait. How the hell did a cupcake get here? And how did whoever wrote this note know my name and unit?”

Dominique had a look of bewilderment on her face, but decided to respond to the pony. She waved to the pony, making sure her weapon was still secured to her pod discreetly. She then took off her helmet, revealing her furless skin with silky brown hair tied up in a ponytail to the orange pony

“Hello...pony. My name is Dominique. Eh, I am a human.”

The orange pony raised an eyebrow as she looked at Dominique. “A hewman? Never heard of a Hew man, Ah have to say.” The pony sighed before straightening the cowboy hat on her head. “But it's only polite Ah tell ya my name since ya told me yours.” She raised her hoof like she wanted to shake hands. “Applejack, pleasure to meet ya.”

Dominique smiled and shook Applejack’s hoof. “Nice to meet you, Applejack.”

She straightened up. “Now, would you be so kind as to tell me where exactly I am?” She looked around. “If this farm is yours, I hope I haven’t damaged anything with my pod.”

Applejack smiled and shook her head. “Don’t ya worry, ya landed in an empty part of the farm, and that pod of yours did no damage to my property or the apple trees, so its all fine. For where ya are, we are in Sweet Apple Acres, outside the town of Ponyville, in Equestria.”

Dominique cocked her head to the side as she heard the visible horse pun, but decided to not mention it, since it seemed to be the actual name of a town on this planet, given everything she was seeing at the moment.

She looked out in the distance, and found a trail of smoke close in the sky, with two more on the horizon. She looked all around her, and found a fourth smoke trail a fair distance away. She smiled as she put her helmet back on and faced Applejack.

“Could you show me where that smoke trail is?”

Applejack frowned for a second as she spotted the smoke trail, then looked back at the crashed pod behind the Hew man, with a similar trail flowing into the air at that spot. It didn’t take a genius to connect the dots and Applejack nodded to Dominique.

“Yer friend would be in Ponyville, I can show ya the way.” Applejack began to walk towards a gravel path, leading Dominique towards it.

Back in Canterlot, Byrne was dodging questions left and right. “I already told you I can’t give you that information. I have no idea if you work with the Covenant.”

“And I’ve told you, we have no idea what this ‘Covenant’ is.” The taller one shot back.

“All I will tell you is that I am Sergeant Major Nolan Byrne, I am a Human, and I have no bleeding idea where I am.” Byrne replied. “I have no idea who these changlings or diamond dogs are.” with his priorities in mind, Byrne collected his gear. “All I want to do is find out where the hell the rest of my squad is. If you could guide me out of here, I can be on my way and out of your hair.”

“There are more of you?” The shorter of the winged and horned ponies asked.

“Shite” Byrne exclaimed. “I guess that one was on me. Yes, there are more people like me. Maybe on this planet, maybe not.”

“This is the only planet in this system that can support life. And I only detected five other objects similar to the one you arrived in.” The short one said.

“Could you please just show me out of he-” Byrne didn’t finish that sentence as he was struck from behind. He quickly recovered and in five seconds had his knife against his assailant’s neck.

“From here there is only one choice for you. One way out. And that is to stop you piece of sh-” for the second time, Byrne couldn’t finish his sentence as he was pinned against the wall by some sort of yellowish forcefield.

“I’d think again before you threaten my blood.” The taller one said with venom in its voice. But what caught him off guard was the fact that it winked at him. Byrne figured this was probably just for show and played along.

"Alright. You win. I yield." Burne said, struggling to breathe.

But then his attacker then piped up saying "That rust bucket should be made into my hoofstool for what he did!"

Byrne responded right back with "You're one dumb air-head, ain't ya cunt," then turning to the tall one and excaiming "Didn't you clearly see him strike me first!?" in disbelief

"Oh I did.” the tall one said, as the force-field shut off and the tall one turned to glare at Byrne's assailant, saying "we'll be talking about the privileges permitted to royalty and what it takes to get them revoked very soon, nephew" in the way a disappointed father might say to his son who he now regrets employing & promoting at his company on the basis of family.

Byrne's offender, who at the time was proudly beaming with his eyes closed at the thought of his own suggestion, was quite startled at the tall one's tone and fearfully peeked his eyes open, saw the tall one's glare, squeaked, then made puppy dog eyes, as if performed by a raccoon who once saw a dog use them to be given food.

Byrne dropped to the floor coughing. “Please, Don’t do that again. I swear you nearly cracked a rib.”

The white winged one then turned back to Byrne, smiled and said “My name is Princess Celestia. Welcome to Equestria Nolan Byrne. We’ll help you find your unit.”

Author's Note

And away we go. Dalek and I hope you enjoyed the beginning of our story. More will come in due time.

This chapter has been slightly rewritten and i would like to welcome Vladistad to the Helljumper's Feet first team!