The Cuddlequest of Equestria: Turnabout is Fair Play

by Tyrannosaurus_Tux

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anon, Science Fiction, Comedy, Raven Inkwell, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 3201

Turnabout. A role-reversal, if you will.

The ponies came to Earth. They saw humans. They cuddled humans. And yet... in yet another different time and in yet another different place, things have been... reversed. The natural order of things is just... reversed. How?

Who cares? Let's watch as Princess Celestia discovers a form of friendship magic more potent than she or even her student Twilight Sparkle has ever had to contend with.

Published 2024-04-01 17:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-04-01 17:50:01 UTC

1 - Celestia has a Most Interesting Day

I am Celestia, Princess of Ponies, and my forever war continues.... against my boredom, that is.

"And that's it for this week's briefing, Princess," Raven Inkwell said, looking at the clipboard in her hoof. Her cute glasses sat squarely on her face.

I was the last one to hear of it, of course, but over the past week, there had apparently been a major story within Equestria this past week. In a sleepy town near Baltimare, a Significant Magical Event (SME), had occurred. I had been waiting for the friendship report to arrive so I could get firsthoof details from my student, Twilight Sparkle, but... it never came. Neither she nor her friends had anything to do with the SME, which was... honestly something of a surprise.

It seemed every time there was a Significant Magical Event, it involved the Elements, somehow. Either that, or I'm just getting too used to Twilight's... antics.

I sighed. "Thank you, Raven." The event in question concerned something of a... strange group of ponies calling themselves the "Children of the Old Ones". This club, or perhaps a cult, was dabbling in magical forces, spells, and rituals involving no small amount of fish, cleaning supplies, and a goat. The goat himself, along with the cult, had been taken into custody, because a young colt had suddenly disappeared in the SME itself, a form of ritual energies going haywire.

How they had not detonated the warehouse they were apprehended in, I couldn't tell. Neither could the investigators. Most of those apprehended, save for the goat, were underage, yet not little foals. Magical experimentation is all well and good, but when it results in an SME that causes one of their own to disappear in unknown magics... it tends to draw the attention of the authorities.

I held up a picture of the missing pony in question in my magic. Dark hair. Reddish body. Brown eyes. The Missing Ponies Report says his name is "Rufous Hammer". If I was being honest, I was expecting... and hoping that this young stallion would simply be found somewhere nearby, lost and confused.

If not... best not to think just how far away this poor little colt was sent. To a foreign nation? Over the ocean? Somewhere else entirely? The possibilities boggled the mind, but it was important to stay focused on what was known instead of what wasn't.

I cleared my throat. "That'll be all. I must... think on the Baltimare situation some more," I declared. Inkwell bowed, and departed, leaving me alone in the throne room. I sighed again. The Baltimare case file still held more to see, contents somewhat spilled out on a part of my throne. I want to know what else these... fish cultists were up to, but first... I stood up and stretched my legs. A lap around my throne room does wonders for my mood.

As I tip-taped my hooves around the room, my eyes were naturally drawn to all the stained-glass windows that were on display. A window depicting Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeating Nightmare Moon. Another Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeating Discord. Still another Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeating Sombra. Then, a window depicting Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeating Tirek.

I should probably get out of this castle more. Earn a few more accolades. Beat some more bad guys. I smiled. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Twilight Sparkle was gunning for my job as Princess of Ponies. I smirked. Maybe I should let her have it. I eyed my throne as I rounded the room and started my small trek back. It'd be nice to get out of the castle. I rolled my neck, feeling the satisfying popping. Then, I notice something, almost nestled against my throne.

It was a scroll. Levitating it over in a golden aura, I eyed the parchment and the wax seal on it. It had Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark on it. When did I get this? When I was distracted? Did I... nap through something important?

No. Princesses do not nap, obviously. Especially not on their thrones. With a breath, I undid the wax seal and unfolded it. I read aloud, my eyes widening,

Der Princes Celest

Foun missng boyy

He broght frens frm nw plnet

nw magik

wll shw yo

Yor fathfu studnt

Twilgh Sparkl

I made a face. I lower the letter. I made a different face. I raise the letter again. Sure enough, it was indeed Twilight Sparkle's quill writing. It was indeed sent by Spike to me. The possibility of a forgery or prank declined in my mind. Instead, I have new information to deal with... I think?

First, Twilight Sparkle claims to have found the missing colt from the Baltimare case. That's... good. I allowed myself a smile.

Second, this... colt... Rufous... brought new friends from a new... planet? Is that what Twilight was trying to say?

...Aliens?

Surely not. I thought for a moment. If it was aliens, it might help to explain the... nature of the letter. Ordinarily, Twilight is so tidy and orderly. Her excitement must have gotten the better of her.

Either that or she was... compromised, somehow. But that would be silly. If she was compromised, Spike would surely have made a note of it, right? ...Right?

Maybe my dear little dragon was compromised, too, somehow. ...No, that couldn't be. Speculation isn't helpful. I briefly lower the letter and trot over to one of the windows. I scanned the skies. So far, I couldn't see any flying saucers... or anything else that might be sufficiently... alien.

Only sunny skies from what I could see. Wait, I could see... strange, ethereal colors in the otherwise blue sky as if some powerful force was at play. That... did look like the work of aliens. I looked back at the letter. New... magic? What was that supposed to mean? It does seem awfully likely that's connected to whatever caused Twilight's... letter.

"Will show you..."

When did Twilight send this message?

A knock on my throne room door jolts me from horn to tail. The scroll rolled back up and dropped to the floor with a soft, parchment tap. I craned my neck to look at the door, the soft green paint still relatively fresh.

Already?!

I looked at the clock. Mid-day. If Twilight sent the message and departed this morning...! No, Princess, calm down! I breathed forcefully. I rolled my neck again and reassumed my Princessly poise.

I said aloud, "Enter," being sure to be loud enough for those outside to hear.

The great, big doors opened, and sure enough... a certain pony walked through. Once my student, now my peer, and always my friend. Her pretty purple coat and mane were immaculate, as always. Rarity was a generous pony to make sure my little bookworm kept up her appearance. Still... as I smiled at the sight of her, there was something... else.

Namely, the fact that the Princess of Friendship was blushing like crazy. I could even see red covering her ears. As I trotted up to meet her, I did notice some other things that were... off about Twilight. Her movements were oh-so-slightly jittery, the type a pony gets from a caffeine overdose. Her eyes were drooping just a little. Others might have missed all the signs other than the reddening of her face and ears, but I was not like other ponies.

I was Princess Celestia, the Princess of Ponies. I was clean of all vices, including the long, long dead practice of night brewing.

There was simply no way.

"My dear Twilight..." I greeted warmly, the doubts escaping my voice. "It is good to see you again."

We were getting nearer, and there were more signs I could see. Time for the final test... I sniffed the air, seeing Twilight interrupt herself to tilt her head at my impromptu scent interrogation.

I could not smell the stink on her, but I could not be sure of anything just yet.

"Have you..." I hesitated. "Have you been drinking mushroom moonshine, Twilight Sparkle?"

The question caused the Princess to blink, and then ask, "Mushroom moon... huh?" She shook her head. Her words were clear, maybe drowsy, but not slurry. It was then that I sensed the new magic.

As part unicorn, I was keenly aware of all times to the changes in the environment as a result of magical energies. Be it a slight tickle of the horn in response to the warmth of the sun or the near-physical shudder that a horn feels when casting or being near to one casting dark magics.

However, the feeling of this new magic was a slight... buzz. While not a physical buzz, I could sense a small, but constant energy that now suffused Twilight's body. Often, there was an emotional feeling associated with magic, as well. A feeling that one may choose to focus on in order to more effectively utilize this spell. This new, strange magic... it had the feeling of a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows before a roaring fire on a cold winter day. Of old friends reunited, of a warm embrace between new companions.

I swallowed, then addressed Twilight's previous query. "It's... nothing. What of these new friends you spoke of? Did you find this lost foal, Rufous Hammer?"

I saw the memory light up in Twilight's eyes, and she said, with an excited voice and a smile, "Rufous is on his way home, thank goodness! It was these new friends that found the way back home!"

My next question, then.

"Are these friends from a new... planet, then?"

Giddily, Twilight clapped her front hooves together, and replied, giggling and flapping her wings, "Yes, Princess! There's an alien invasion on our streets right this very moment!"

...What?

"What?"

What!? Princess Twilight Sparkle had said this way too happily! My eyebrows raised.

"In fact," Twilight reported. "There's two of them right outside those doors!" She pointed a hoof at the double doors, which opened wide.

In walked... an alien stallion and a mare. Their dress shoes clacked on the throne room floor. They were bipedal. Ape-like. Adorable. They wore well-fitted matching grey-blue trousers and jackets. Finally, each wore a dress shirt underneath their jackets, wearing colorful neckties. They wore clothing, but even I could see at first glance that they were... well-muscled. The stallion was... broad, and pale, with brown hair, and wore gold-black aviator sunglasses. The mare was... tan of skin with a gorgeous black mane and cute round glasses that showed her hazelnut eyes. They bowed before me.

It was impossible. All of my instincts and my inner voices were screaming at me to run over and grab them and bury my face in their soft clothing. Should I snatch up the stallion, and feel his immense back with my hooves? Or should I seize the mare, petting her petite tummy? Why should I choose when I can hug both?

...Why am I having these thoughts? The magic...! Where Twilight was suffused with this alien power like water after a bath, the strange new energy flowed from the newcomers like a fountain! It took a heroic effort, but I controlled my breathing.

I am the Princess of Ponies. I am calm. I am... calm. Okay. Breath out. Breath in. Back to business.

"I thank you for the rescue of the lost one," I stated, bowing back. "I welcome you to our... world," I said, the sincere welcoming of aliens strange in my mouth.

The stallion opened his mouth to say something, but an overly excited Twilight cut him off with a hoof in his mouth (Twilight!), and said, "Allow me!"

She reared back down, and said, "Allow me to introduce John Smith and Jane Doe, representatives of the humans, the men and women of Earth!"

I blinked. This day was, at last, becoming more strange than most of Twilight's adventures. I was still uncertain as to why these strange feelings were rising within me. Was it simply their appearance, or did this new magic have something to do with it? Was it... both?

I shuddered because the magic was certainly... potent. It felt... somewhat like the effects of a tranquilizing spell, but somehow invigorating at the same time. I tilted my head as a new thought entered my head.

If it was this potent for me, how would it have felt for poor Twilight? For the rest of the ponies in the streets? Surely, they were now getting pampered by the alien arrivals? How would the everyday mare or stallion feel when exposed to this strange alien magic, somehow intoxicating and sobering at the same time?

They wouldn't stand a chance, I realized with a twitch of my wings. The very wings which now started to ache, almost in rebellion. Now longing to embrace this... John Smith and Jane Doe. It would feel... just right.

Was this... a danger, somehow? A serpent, wearing a fuzzy disguise? Something that promises a warm hug but is a trap to constrict me like prey? Alarm bells rang out in my head, but... muted, as if they were stuffed with socks. Nice, warm, cozy, and comfy socks.

...What's happening to me!? Why are these humans cute!?

I regained control of my breathing again. Something was... threatening to make me pant like a starving dog in front of a buffet. That mannish magic again. What is it?

"John Smith..." I said, tasting the new name on my lips. "Jane Doe... were you the ones who found and returned Rufous Hammer?"

They looked at each other, a wary glance, but Jane spoke up, her soft voice easy on the ears. "We... did not, your majesty."

Next, John spoke up, in a rumbling, baritone voice. "We are the ambassadors of the Earth-Equestria Expedition."

Expedition? I saw something, in the corner of my vision. A large shape, in the sky, outside the window.

"Excuse me," I said suddenly before going outside. The castle grounds were as beautiful as ever. I saw the guards. I looked at the pony gardeners tending to the garden. The humans tending to the ponies. I swiveled my head in a violent twitch as I looked away from the sky and back to the ground. More gorgeous humans, spiriting away the spirits of the ponies into bliss with nothing but their hands, caressing, scratching, rubbing, hugging, squeezing.

It was enough to boggle the mind. The ponies didn't even notice me, they were under such a potent spell. I could feel it even now, a potent, calming thing. Even my guards were being assailed by these most powerful magics.

I didn't notice my growing anxiety until Twilight tried to touch me. The act sent shivers up my spine, even as I jumped away with such force that caused a shockwave. I had leaped up straight into the air, almost half a mile up, as if I were a cat who saw a vegetable. The cold mountain wind rushed past my wings, my hooves, my tail, my mane... but I was distracted by the grand sight of it all.

I flapped my wings, eyes boggling.

The humans were everywhere. They were in our streets, our shops, our cafes, our homes. They were walking, dancing, conversing, and enjoying life to the fullest with my little ponies. If there were any ponies that had panicked at the sight of these newcomers, I could not see them now. In fact, my little ponies almost seemed to be acting as if the humans had always been here.

As I looked around, I gasped. They had even brought... giant flying machines. One was parked just over Ponyville, anchored to the ground with a rope. If I squinted, I could even make out the tiny elevators that descended from the hull of the craft. I looked closer, and just about jumped out of my skin. The shape I saw outside the window... one of the flying machines was stationed right above Canterlot, right next to me! Wait a minute... these were airships! Rigid-bodied, massive Zeppony airships! They were covered in shining aluminum but painted in fetching stripes, which ran down the length of the ships. What's more... I could even read some of what was written on the Zeppony airship!

"ATOMS FOR PEACE".

Ahead of that unnaturally familiar writing, I could see the faint outline of a globe and strange new continents, as well as an assortment of colors, all arranged... wait. These were a lineup of flags. Were they... human dynasties, or something? Nations, maybe?

I then saw the grounds outside Ponyville being mowed over by human vehicles. With a start and a full-body twitch, I realized that they were preparing the land for the construction of airship hangers. There were a dozen... wait, two dozen spaces that were being prepared for hangers.

It was then I saw more lights in the sky. Oh. Those lights I saw earlier, from the Throne Room. They were not a weird aurora. They were signs of magic, a spell to bring forth these human flying machines, like the one I see enter into our world from an alien sky, past a storm of color.

Twilight was serious. It really was an invasion.

I dropped altitude until my hooves hit the pavement of my gardens. It was such a beautiful day. Why did it have to be invaded by huggable aliens?

Why did the aliens have to be cute?

Why did my former student tackle-hug me as soon as I landed?

Why, oh me, why?

I don't know why, or even how, but Twilight and I fell onto a waiting cushion. Twilight wormed her way up to my neck, where she hugged away while rubbing her face against my throat. I felt the magic surge, threatening to overwhelm me... but it didn't. Something that grows stronger when shared.

With a gasp, I realized just what this magic was, even as it pawed its way up and down my body. It felt similar to the love magic that Cadence was proficient with. The ability to emotionally connect two ponies together and ignite their passions. It was also akin to the magic of friendship.

The ability for strangers, or even enemies, to set aside their distance and differences to become bonded in joyful fellowship. But this... this was... nice, too. It was... comforting energy, spread by touch. I felt the soft hands of Jane caress my ears and John's firm hands massage my shoulders. A thousand years of stress melted away as this new magic took effect on me. The hands were nice, too. I could get used to this... maybe today was a good day after all. ...Even if everything was about to change.

Hmmm... a comforting magic, brought about by a comforting touch. But that... that would mean it's...

My eye pupils dilated impossibly wide, a small light sparkling within.

Cuddle Magic.

Author's Note

It has been ten years since the Cuddlequest of Earth.

I hope you've enjoyed.