Applejack Doesn't like Strawberries
The Mass Brawl of Ponyville
Twilight strolled into the Ponyville Jail House with a stern look upon her face. There was enough to do in running a country without the added stress of rebuilding a whole town due a mass brawl. Hmm, she thought to herself, suddenly feeling sorry for the number of times Celestia had had to rebuild Ponyville due to one mishap or another her or her friends had had.
"Wow, no wonder you had to always send me and my friends to save Equestria, you never had time yourself." The Princess muttered under breath.
"Excuse me Princess?" A golden stallion inquired in front of her. A black stetson adorned his head and short auburn mane, whilst a black jacket covered the front half of his back. His cutie mark was that of a black Sheriff's badge with silver writing broken in half whilst a gold six pointed star emblazoned with "Sheriff" adorned the front of his jacket.
"Huh, oh sorry, I zoned out there for a moment, being the sole ruler of Equestria kinda means I have a lot going on at any one time and it doesn't help when one of my councilors decides to start a mass brawl and destroy goodness knows how much of Ponyville." Twilight ended with fire starting to appear at the tips of her ethereal mane. "No, Twilight, lets hear her side of the story before making any conclusions." She took a deep breath before continuing. "What exactly are the charges officer, your letter didn't exactly go into that much detail, all it stated was that one Applejack Apple was being held in custody in Ponyville and had requested one Twilight Sparkle as her defence attorney for numerous charges of disturbing the peace."
"Okay, the most serious offences we have her in for are disturbing the peace, assault, fighting in public and starting a mass riot and nine counts of destruction of property, including the entire destruction of Bon Bon's sweet and gift emporium, severe damage to three houses, damage to the bowling lanes, town hall, Berry's Bar, Carousel Boutique, a flower stand and the complete destruction of a Showmare's wagon. She also resisted arrest and assaulted seventeen guards whilst she was being restrained. It took seven shots of tranquiliser Mrs Sparkle to knock her out, that's more than the recommended dosage to a Yak and we wouldn't normally dare administer such a high dosage to a pony, but she was completely loco. I mean when we brought her in her front left fore leg was broken in eight places, her right ear was missing a chunk, she had three cracked ribs, a black eye and was covered in countless bruises and lacerations alongside missing five teeth, yet had somehow managed to keep fighting for over an hour. I know Earth ponies are renowned for their unbelievable strength, but this was something else entirely." Sheriff Broken Star recounted.
Twilight's jaw had hit the floor. Slowly she managed to close her gaping maw and utter a single word "Buck"
"My sentiments exactly. If this was any other citizen they'd probably be facing ten to twenty years imprisonment in the Canterlot dungeons. Bon Bon is already pressing full charges, although the Apples are counteracting that with their own libel and slander claims for goodness knows what as well as compensation for the damage she has done to Applejack. The backlash has also started to hit the Equestrian stock markets."
"What! How?" Twilight stared at the sheriff perplexed.
"The Apples have refused to supply fruit across Equestria until Applejack is released cleared of all charges. Considering that they not only control the entire apple supply to the whole of Equestria but also orange, pear and grapes among others as well, it is only a matter of time before food prices for other goods sky rocket and pandemonium engulfs Equestria." Broken Star deadpanned.
Twilight facehooved "Oh sweet Celestia, let me talk to her and see if I can sort this mess out."
"Sure thing Princess, right through here."
The two ponies walked into the back room of the jailhouse and there, sitting in one of the two cells was a familar, if rather battered orange mare with a shiner over her left eye, a cast around her left foreleg, some bandages around her waist and a now tattered stetson adorning her head.
"Hey, you finally come to let me out. I don't see why I'm the only one in here sheriff, that witch Bon Bon is as much at fault as I was and half the town got involved in the ruck." Applejack's voice stopped abruptly as she caught the literal fire in Twilight's eyes.
"Sugarcube, you and me are going to have a chat and if I don't like what I hear, I believe there was recently a vacancy on the moon for one pony." Twilight's voice dripped with venom.
A bead of sweat dripped down Applejack's head but she refused to back down. "Oh you will Twilight, just wait to you hear what that witch Bon Bon has been up to all because of mine and Rainbow's relationship. She started it and so I ended it but she's totally crazy and came at me."
Twilight held up her hoof and lighted her horn opening the lock to the cell door. "Stop your rambling and lets go into the interrogation room and have a nice friendly chat over a cup of tea and don't think I was joking about the moon."
*
Applejack sat across from the sheriff and Twilight, the tea cup shaking slightly in her hooves. Her eyes though were steadfast and ready to defend her honour to her very last breath.
"Alright Applejack, I'm sorry if I let my emotions get the better of me back there. I'm not here to judge you, I just want to know what happened, especially seeing as if this goes to court, I'm apparently going to have to defend you despite all the implications that could lead to, such as favoritism of subjects etc." Twilight said soothingly, hiding the malice that had previously laced her voice.
"Twi, we know it won't get that far. The Apples own a third of all Equestrian food production and after Granny's passing last year, I was voted the head of the Apple Clan. As ponies are probably already starting to see, certain food shortages are starting to occur on the market. Now you may see that as me holding the country to ransom, but I'm solely seeking to be absolved from a crime that was only committed due to me being the victim in the first place." Applejack stated bluntly. "Now let me give you the honest truth."
It was at that moment a rapt knocking occurred on the door and a cyan Pegasus peered into the interrogation room. "Hey, anyone in here, I came to see my fiance." Upon seeing the three ponies she didn't even bother waiting to be invited in, instead just trotted on over to Applejack before leaning over and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "How you holding up? Got the hospital to discharge me early so I could come keep you company although looks like Twilight beat me to it. You trying to steal my marefriend Twilight?" Rainbow Dash said with a sly smirk.
Twilight blushed, taken aback by the accusations "What no. She was actually just about to inform me of what the hay went down here yesterday. Although I shouldn't be to surprised to see that it looks like you were involved in some part by that strapped up right wing of yours and black eye."
"Lyra got in a few lucky shots and we kinda ended up spiraling out of control out of a sonic rainboom into Carousel Boutique. Heck, it was only thanks to her shield we didn't end up with more damage than a broken wing and a concussion in her case." Rainbow commented as she pulled a chair over and sat down next to Applejack.
Twilight's head was back in her forehooves. "Let's just start from the beginning and unravel this mess before Equestria riots due to a food shortage please" she groaned.
"Certainly Twi" Applejack chirped in "It all began yesterday. It had just passed lunchtime and I was heading back to the farm house from the west orchard when I heard Apple Bloom hollering my name from somewhere. Long Story short she'd seen something in town that had upset her and said I needed to head there right away. I was not to pleased about missing lunch especially after six hours of apple bucking but this sounded urgent, so of to town we trotted, finally coming to a stop outside Bon Bon's Sweet and Gift Emporium. Now I was already grumpy from an empty stomach and what I saw there only riled me up more, a pillow Twi."
"A PILLOW. ALL THIS OVER A PILLOW!!!" Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Yes Twi." Applejack continued barely acknowledging her friends agitation "but not just any pillow. This had a picture of me on it. Me hugging a giant strawberry" she shuddered forcing that last word out. "Well as you can probably guess I was none to pleased about this and decided to have a few words with the proprietor of said shop after telling Apple Bloom to wait outside. Now, I'm not sure if you know or not but Bon Bon has not been too happy with mine and Rainbow's relationship. I think she feels it has been unfair how much attention and support our relationship has been getting these past few years when she and Lyra believed they had to hide theirs for so many years to avoid prejudice or something along those lines."
"Okay." Twilight nodded, taking in what her friend was saying whilst noting it down on some parchment with a quill. "So what happened next?"
"Well I went into the store and asked her nicely to remove the item from sale or I'd be forced to seek legal action for libel damages to me and my family's name. She laughed in my face Twi and told me to do my worse. Now" she wobbled for a moment and almost fell out of her seat before Rainbow could steady her. "Sorry, still getting those tranqulisers out of my system, did you really have to shoot me with seven?"
"You refused arrest and assaulted seventeen guards when they tried to restrain you." Broken Star deadpanned.
"Fair enough, you know I'm might sorry about all that, anyway we will get to the reason behind that shortly. Now where was I, oh yes, so by this point I think the lack of food in my belly plus the indignity of not only seeing my image smeared like that but to then be ignored and laughed at when I was politely requesting its removal from sale kinda sent me a bit Twilynanas." Applejack admitted.
"Oh you definitely went Twilynanas Jackie. Twilight, she bucked down the whole shop with Bon Bon still inside." Rainbow fell out of her chair in a laughing fit whilst Twilight simply stared at Applejack with a look of stunned silence.
"Woah there Sugarcube, that was an accident. As I said Twilight I was a might hangry and may have bucked one of the support pillars before leaving slamming the door shut so hard behind me the whole place came down. Not my finest moment I will admit." She pulled her stetson over her face to hide her bright red cheeks. "And that's when it all kicked off. Lyra was performing in the town square with Octavia and Vinyl and they instantly came up to me and Apple Bloom screaming their heads of over what I had just done. Before I knew what was going on, I was in utter shock over what had happened, a candy maned blur burst out of the rubble, tackled me to the ground and started pummeling me. Took all my strength just to get my hooves up and protect my face. Even that wasn't enough, she took my left forehoof in her mouth and crushed the bone in her mouth. Yes, Twilight, Bon Bon broke my leg initially with her bucking teeth, that mare is crazily strong, even for an Earth Pony."
Twilight laughed as an awkward grin cross her face. "Well that may be because she's former Equestrian Secret Service, but that information does not leave this room and if it does I'll deny it completely and will unfortunately have to make sure whoever leaked it disappears for good, you get the idea?"
Rainbow was slowly picking herself of the floor after her laughing fit as Applejack continued her tale.
"Seriously Twi. No wonder she beat me up so bad. I'll be lucky to walk without a limp for the rest of my life after this break, but suppose I kinda deserve that. Anyway, the influx of Adrenalin from the pain of the break allowed me to finally kick Bon Bon off with my back legs. Unfortunately the kick was so hard she flew into Rose's flower stand, completely destroying it. As I got my bearings back I now realised that Apple Bloom was curled up in a ball on the floor whimpering whilst Scootaloo, Sweetie, Diamond Tiara and Sweetie Belle were fighting Octavia, Vinyl and Lyra before a cyan blur shot out of the sky and pulled Lyra away."
"Like I was going to let that bitch beat up my fiance's little sister and her friends. Jeez Twi, Lyra punched her so hard she broke her nose, then had the audacity to pummel her in the stomach so hard she cracked two of her ribs. I understand she may have been mad over what had just happened but Apple Bloom had nothing to do with it Twi and she's still only fifteen. Who in their right mind attacks a fifteen year old girl? I saw everything go down as I was coming back for a weeks break from the Wonderbolts. Perched on top of town hall and watched the whole incident unfold. Was planning on surprising Applejack by taking her to a wedding fair in Manehattan this weekend and visit Rarity at the same time. Just wish I'd been quicker and thankful her friends were walking by, Lyra was going completely psycho and those two stooges Octavia and Vinyl were doing nothing but staring with their mouths open, only jumped in when the tables turned to defend that bully." Rainbow added indignantly.
Twilight felt a migraine coming along as she added to the notes she had started to make. "Thank you Rainbow but can we stick to Applejack's account for now."
"Okay, so anyway, as you may or may not have heard Rose split from Daisy and Lily a couple of years back and they now are constantly bickering with each other over who has the better flowers on their stand. I think this was the final straw as although my eyes were trained on the insane candy maned mare hurtling towards me again I just caught a glimpse of Rose lunging at Daisy and Lily before Bon Bon tackled me again and we went dancing through the streets of Ponyville, me completely on the defensive, just trying to stop her from busting my skull in. You know I'm honest as they come and I won't deny our skirmish was the catalyst for a number of others specifically in Al's bowling lanes, who knew Mr. Waddle could be so deadly with his walker, and Berry's Bar, I lost count how many ponies she knocked out as we passed through. I'm just extremely glad Rarity wasn't home as Carousel Boutique got annihilated, especially after Rainbow's out of control Rainboom with Lyra also spiraled through it. Oh crap please tell me."
"She has and is on her way...."
A high pitched scream suddenly pierced the sturdy jailhouse walls followed by "Applejack, Rainbow Dash" at a volume higher than any pony thought imaginable. It is said to have even been heard as far away as Mount Aris and the Dragon Lands.
"Please, take me back to my cell, throw away the key, just don't let her near me." Applejack pleaded.
"Oh no, you are going to finish your story and then I'll decide on whether to let down the force field I've just put up around the jailhouse." Twilight stated calmly
"Well I don't think there is much else to say, 75% of the town or more ended up fighting someone because of us. Heck, Shoeshine started fighting Seaswirl because the extension to Shoeshine's home that Seaswirl opposed to was knocked down during mine and Bon Bon's fight, which she then laughed and taunted Shoeshine abut. Apparently that one ended with Screwloose and Amethyst joining either side. By the end of an hour or so of destructive mayhem I was delusional from fatigue, hunger and more concussions than I could count, I even believed I saw a blue box in the sky at one point being chased by flying garbage cans shooting lasers, that's how out of it I was Twi. Anyway, after just being pushed out of the first floor of the Castle of Friendship through Trixie's wagon the Royal Guard showed up. I was literally just fighting anything that moved by that point. In all honesty Twi, they aren't very good guards if I can defeat seventeen of them after holding back an apparently highly trained pissed off assassin for an hour on three hooves and without even having any lunch." Applejack finished her tale.
Twilight sighed "A pillow AJ, a pillow. You destroyed Ponyville, ruined countless friendships and are now threatening to starve the populace of Equestria, all because you didn't get your lunch and got offended over a fucking pillow with a picture of you hugging a strawberry. You know how much work goes into running a country Applejack, without having to rebuild a town and save my friend from jail time." Twilight spat angrily.
"Hey Twi, language." Rainbow piped in.
"SHUT THE BUCK UP. I've got a good mind to send you both to the moon for a year right now, of course I'll be kind enough to provide oxygen, water and food, but that will be all, you will also be kept apart, so no hanky panky to pass the time, just you and the moon. But, I think I've found a better punishment to begin with." And with a flash of her horn a very angry and now startled white unicorn mare with a frazzled royal purple mane and smudged mascara who had been banging on a forcefield moments before appeared in the room alongside a load of sewing equipment and other tools. "Rarity, you have two hours with these two. Do as you wish, for the next two hours upon Royal Decree this room is no longer under Equestrian jurisdiction, just try not to hurt them to much. Have fun, me and the sheriff are going to go and join Spike who's talking to Bon Bon and Lyra before visiting a number of the victims in Ponyville General." She got up and turned around, pulling the surprised sheriff up along with her in her magic.
Rarity cackled.
Applejack pleaded, now realising her hooves had been magically restrained to the chair "Please Twi, I'll do anything, send me to the moon, I'll call off the supply strike, just don't leave me with her!"
"Sorry Applejack, sometimes you just gotta learn the hard way. Oh but as you asked so nicely." Another flash of her horn and a rather grumpy and surprised looking Trixie appeared in the room. "Two hours Trix, no repercussions except try not to hurt them to much."
Trixie cackled and turned to face her prisoners. "You shall rue the day you destroyed the Great and Powerful Trixie's wagon!!!"
Twilight cackled and closed the door behind her and the sheriff encasing the entire room in a soundproof bubble as Applejack began to scream.
Author's Note
What in Tartarus did I just write. Please note I'm not a writer and set myself a challenge to get this out of my head in one day, apologies for any errors or mistakes! Please don't expect anymore from me in the future.
