Love Beyond What's Freely Given
“Why won’t you give me your love?”
That question. That damned question has messed with you for the past several months straight. You were not in a good place. Far from it. Besides no longer having those you once cared for alongside you, you now had to face the perils of being trapped in some sort of alternate reality without any knowledge of how the world worked once more.
You felt trapped, isolated, and despite it all, you tried to stand unshaken.
Yet, yet somehow, someway, beyond all known barriers, another being in that world felt attraction for you. Or was it attraction? You had no idea, since she was a changeling, and their love is not freely given.
You two were in hiding. The world wanted her captured and tried for her crimes. They wanted you for God knows what. Experimentation? Perhaps even some sort of diplomatic meeting of your two races? You didn’t want to find out, you did not want to risk it, just in case things would go even farther south than they already were. That, and the changeling, Chrysalis, has spoken poorly of the pony race.
That was one thing of only a few you’d accept from her. You were not trusting of her as much as you weren’t trusting of anything else in the world. She could change form at will, manipulation and cunning were her strengths, and you’d have to be careful around her. You never knew when you might find a knife at your throat when you were asleep, or even worse.
That’s why those words she’s been saying have got so far under your skin. They simply can’t be genuine and real. Surely not.
You wish you could go out into the public, hide within the crowds and escape her, but that was not an option you were lucky enough to receive. Instead, you were locked up in a run down motel’s least well kept room. It didn’t help that Chrysalis made some renovations, and decorated the place with slime, and some other strange liquids to make it more like her hive in The Badlands.
It was disgusting, but it was your home now, and you had to make do. That’s all you could do, make do. Despite it all, despite the damned frustration being built deep within you, you were left with no other choice but to make the most of your shitty situation.
Hold on.
You tell yourself that over and over. You don’t honestly believe you’ll ever be able to live up to them, but you’d be damned if you didn’t try. You are a stubborn fool, and you were willing to at least give this new, broken life a try.
“Anon, what are you even doing. What could possibly be interesting about that window?” Chrysalis asked of you.
“You’d be surprised.”
“It’s not even open, and it’s dark out, so no, I do not believe I’d be surprised. You’re just being a moron.” She tisked, making her way to the bed to rest. “I’ll tell you what’s interesting, it seems the guard has been rather quiet as of late. I don’t like it.”
You had to agree to that. Considering how hell bent they were on finding you two, that did not seem right. “We’ll just have to wait and see what happens. Not like I’ll be much help, anyway...”
“Shut it, Anon. Why won’t you just share your love with me? I’m not going to hurt you, Anon and you know it.”
You doubted that. You doubted that with every fiber of your being.
“Would you just look at me and listen? Would that hurt you, would that do you a disservice? She kept berating you, but honestly, you were finding it hard to give a damn."
“Urgh! Anon, you’re a real ass sometimes. So be it. Be that way, see if I care.” She scoffed, then turned herself away from you. No doubt she was musing the day over, such as yourself, staring into space. Space was interesting, despite its lack of substance.
You sighed, not out of sadness or boredom, but out of frustration. “I don’t get you, Chrysalis.”
That got her attention, her ears perking up. “Oh, is that so?” She turned back to face you once more. This time, you actually looked to her as well. “I don’t see what there isn’t to get. I’m queen of the Changelings, and I’m smitten with a reclusive dolt who needs to get his head out of his ass and be truthful to himself so he can be truthful to me.”
You felt. Well, you couldn’t quite describe it. It wasn’t attraction. Pity maybe? No that wasn’t it. “How can I tell you’re telling the truth? Huh?”
“Please. If I wanted you dead, if I wanted to suck you dry, then the world would already know you’re dead.”
“But why say those words? Just tell me something that makes some damn sense, already. Yeah, sure, I am joined with you, we’ve been through the thick of it. Hell, I’ve even risked my ass on the line for us to even make it this far, yet somehow I just don’t see it, Chrysalis. How can I really trust you?”
Her eyes, her eyes wavered. Her lips quivered and you saw her composure began to slip away. “Please, Anon. Not you too. Don’t say that, don’t be like the others… you’re not like the others. I know you see me for who I am, beyond the chitin, beyond the bravado. Anon, you see me for another living being. You don’t suck up to me, you don’t beg for favors, you don’t cower in fear. You just treat me like any other, despite what I am.” Her eyes began to water. “Please, I’m more than just a changeling, and you mean more to me than you think. Your time spent with me means… it means… it just means so much!” She shouted through fits of sobbing.
You, you felt something for sure. It was not pity, you could not pity this. You were better than that. You sighed again, not so much in frustration, but in confusion. “I… fuck. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I just don’t.”
She looked up to you, sniffling, her eyes tinged with red. “I know, Anon. I know… so am I.”
“Chrysalis… I don’t know what to really feel. But… I feel all the same. I…” You couldn’t find the words.
“I feel it, Anon. I’m a changeling, you know of course. I feel what you’re trying to say. Thank you.” She got up from the bed and walked across the room to you. She, to your surprise, laid her head upon yours. You both closed your eyes.
“Anon, just continue beside my side. I know it seems fruitless, that it won’t get better, that what we have going will shatter into a million pieces, wither away and die, but I want to believe. I was hoping that this will continue. I got nothing else, Anon.”
You both sat in silence for what felt like eternity. Eventually, you broke the silence.
“I know, I know. I’ll try, by God I’ll try.”
You heard her sniffle once more. “Good… thanks. I love you, Anon. I truly do.”
You weren’t sure if you felt love for her, you opened your mouth, but nothing came.
“There’s no need. I feel it. You don’t need to say anything. You’ve given me more than enough.”
You sighed again, this time in what felt like the slightest bit of happiness.
“We’ll get through this… together.”
Author's Note
This is a story of faith, my friends.
I was raised Christian, was ashiest, now I'm lost. I want a happy ending for those I care for, I yearn for them to be treated well. But, well, faith is hard to have and even harder to keep. I lean on the side of trying to hold onto it, despite all the reasons why not.
Anon doesn't know if he should put faith in Chrysalis, for logical reasons, but some times emotions override that.
And for me, mine override reason.
I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Unedited for the third time now. For those who read my thank you blog should know why I lack the time to sit down and fully edit the brain juices. I edited as I went, though, so if there is a real bad mistake, please let me know.
