"Pen, I need four hundred bits!" Rock Note shouted, crashing into Paper Pen's apartment.
Pen, who was laid asleep upon the couch, immediately jumped to his hooves in shock. His cat, Bambino, instinctively lunged at Pen rather than the home intruder.
"Buck, Bambino, get off!" Pen shouted at his pet as he struggled to pry it's clawed paws from his neck, "Sit, buck off, agh!"
"Here kitty kitty!" Note cooed. Another moment of clawing Pen continued, but sure enough Bambino came to the pegasus and allowed him to pick it up, "So, the cat's still not used to being inside?"
"Are you kidding? He's more than at home, he does whatever he wants and struts around like he pays the rent, he's just a jerk!" Pen complained, "So… why do you need four hundred bits? And more importantly what makes you think I have four hundred bits just, like, at all?"
"Right, so, Princess Luna is hosting a gala and Canvas got invited but they won't let her bring a plus one, problem is she really wants me to go but there's a four hundred bit cover right at the door." Note explained, returning Pen's cat to the ground.
"So why not just ask Canvas? She's the only one of us that isn't poor." Pen optioned.
"Well, she sorta already gave me the money and I kinda… I uh… I spent it on a new guitar…" Note shamefully admitted, "It was a great deal, Hex Hendrix played it on stage moons ago!"
"And somepony gave it away for only four hundred bits?!"
"Well, at first it was twenty two hundred but I made a joke about being related to Hex and they thought I was being serious… telling the truth would have ruined the vibe, y'know?" Note explained.
"So, you lied about your identity and scammed somepony out of eighteen hundred bits?" Pen questioned, "That's awesome, buck, I couldn't have done better!" Pen felt a strange sort of joy. Identity theft and, well, theft in general had always been his strong suit so he couldn't help but feel the same sort of pride a teacher must feel when seeing their former pupil graduate university.
"You know, I'm starting to think Canvas was right about you being a bad influence." Note commented, "So, about those bits…"
Pen pondered for a moment before suddenly remembering something. The unicorn dashed to his couch, removing the two seat cushions to reveal a hidden compartment. Within this secret storage were two large jars filled with bits, a sword bearing the brand of the Royal Guard, and an evil looking book bound in stitched together scraps of what Note feared was leather.
"You're the second poorest pony I know, where did you get all these bits?!" Note exclaimed.
"Ever since 'My Alchemical Friendship' broke up I've been saving up for tickets in this jar in case they ever got back together!" Pen explained, pointing to one of the jars.
"And what about the other massive jug of money?"
"Oh, those are counterfeit!" Pen answered without explanation, "Counterfeits that I'm just now realizing I never labeled… I'm gonna leave figuring out which is which up to you…"
Note picked opened one of the jars and picked out a bit to inspect, holding it up to his eye and checking for imperfections.
"This one is the counterfeit jar." Note plainly stated.
"What? How can you tell?!"
"It's the new design with both Celestia and Luna on but it's dated like twenty moons before she came back, sorry dude." Note shrugged.
"Buck, the mare I bought these off of said they were expert quality fakes!" Pen complained.
"Why, uh, why do you need fake money anyways?"
"Don't worry about it." Pen brushed him off, taking the jar of counterfeits and returning it to it's hidden abode before carefully giving the jar of real bits to his friend, "And here ya' are, that's about four hundred bits in there!"
"I owe ya, dude, seriously!"
"It's all good, I gotta stop waiting for MAF to get back together anyways…"
A week passed and as per the plan Note found himself in Canterlot with Canvas, he was outfitted in a fancy red suit while his marefriend dressed in a simple yet elegant black dress. The venue was, of course, Canterlot Castle under nightfall. Note had never actually been to a gala, really the only sort of parties he was used to were at somepony's house, and even then those nights typically ended up with him getting high in the basement with a load of stoners just like him. But a royal gala? He was completely out of his element.
"You know, it's gonna sound horrible," Canvas began with a friendly laugh, "But I was sorta worried that you'd spend your money for the gala before we got here."
"Ha, yeah- nope, totally- not a thing I'd do!" Note nervously chuckled.
"It really makes me trust you, Note." She squeezed his hoof and looked at him with a loving smile. Suddenly Note began to wonder just how much cider Luna meant for ponies to have when she'd decided the gala should have an open bar.
Walking into the gala instantly inspired the feeling of being wondrously starstruck. All four princesses, Twilight and her friends, and other famous ponies stood out against the hundreds of faces in the crowd. Finding the ivory face and deep purple mane of Rarity, Canvas and Note moved towards the element of generosity.
"Oh, Canvas Brush!" Rarity spoke, noticing the artist and moving to greet her, "It's so nice to meet you, darling!"
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, miss!" Canvas proudly spoke, putting on an artificial posh accent, "Thank you again for the invite!"
"Oh, you can just call me Rarity, and it was essential, really," Rarity responded, "Once I saw your portrait of Celestia and I absolutely had to see about collaborating on a pattern for my newest fashion line!"
"Hi, I'm Rock Note!" Note interjectionally introduced himself.
"Oh my- greetings, darling!" She spoke with a surprised but still kind voice, "And you are…?"
"I'm the best guitarist in Manehattan!" Note boasted, "Well, best living guitarist, I'm a huge fan of Hex Hendrix so-"
"He's my stallionfriend!" Canvas spoke with nervous laughter, "He's my stallionfriend, and not just a random pony interrupting us!"
"Right, my bad, forgot you two had a business thing going on!" Note casually apologized, "I, uh, I'm just gonna-" Note didn't even finish his sentence before slumping away from the mares.
Mercifully, he managed to find the open bar. It was a beautiful sight not only for it's copious amount of booze, the entire bar was built into the structure of the castle's courtyard, sculpted from the same fine marble and decadent gold trimmings as everything else. Lining an ornate wooden shelf were at least a hundred, if not more, differing bottles of wine.
If only Pen could be here, Note thought, all this booze, and for free no less… the unicorn would have a field day. Note rarely drank when alone, his method of chemical escapism had always been more 'botanical', though he figured it'd be ill advised to start smoking a blunt in the middle of a royal Gala so a glass of wine would have to do.
Suddenly, a rather familiar looking unicorn in a suit trotted up to the bar and ordered a drink.
"Your finest Amontillado, please." The unicorn requested in a voice exactly the same as Pen's. When the barmare went to fetch the desired drink, Note moved in to talk to the suited stallion.
"Uh, Pen?" Note simply inquired.
"Hm?" The unicorn mumbled, turning to the stallion addressing him. His grey eyes lighting up when he realized it was his friend, "Note, dude, funny seeing you here!"
Pen was dressed in a sharp grey suit, his glasses and scarf seemed to be missing.
"Same…" Note eyed Pen with amazed confusion, "So uh, should I start by asking why or how?"
"The 'why' is I heard there'd be an open bar, and as for how… do me a favor and call me 'Cole Clouds' for tonight." Pen explained, "So, how are things?"
"I don't know, dude, I'm starting to feel a bit bad about spending that money Canvas gave me…" Note sighed, "Like, it worked out and all, but I still lied to her, you know?"
"Not really, every lie I've ever told has ended up perfectly for everypony involved." Pen shrugged, "Why have remorse? Everypony's happy so it doesn't even matter."
"Like, I betrayed her trust, it just feels wrong."
"She'll never find out, it'll never hurt her." Pen began, "What's better, you get brownie points for something you didn't even have to do, or she finds out something nopony asked about just to get mad at you? In fact, telling the truth is the worst option you could possibly choose!"
"You're not making it any easier…" Note lamented, "Man, I'd kill to be high right now, why can't ponies be as cool about weed as they are about booze?"
A devious grin crept onto Pen's face. A plan was forming in the unicorn's head, a dangerous thing to be sure.
"They are… in the V.I.P lounge!" Pen informed.
"Are… are you suggesting that we sneak into the V.I.P lounge?" Note shared his friend's devious grin, "So, what's the plan?"
"Just follow my lead and remember, I'm Cole Clouds." Pen instructed, getting up and trotting towards a roped off area exclusive to the likes of royalty and government ponies.
"Sure thing, Pen!" Note exclaimed.
"Note!"
"Right! Cole, sure thing-" Note paused and gave the least inconspicuous wink, "'Cole'!"
Pen approached the entrance which was, of course, guarded by a Royal Guardsmare. She was easily a head taller than Pen with three times his muscle mass, if she so desired the unicorn dead then she'd have no issue making it so even without the heavy golden armor and standard issue spear equipped on her enormous body.
"Good evening, miss-" Pen began.
"Who are you?" She immediately asked, a violent suspicion in her dagger eyes. This greatly intimidated Pen, he'd never had the best luck fooling the Royal Guard, though if he could convince a Manehattan cop that he knew more about Equestrian law then he could definitely pull this off with a bit of theatrics.
"Why, I am Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia!" Pen lied in a feigned tone of offense. Note was absolutely shocked, Pen was good at this but impersonating a world leader? That was certainly a new one.
"But of course, you're high- uh, Premier-ness!" The guardsmare actually bowed in nervous response, "If I may ask, who is your accompaniment?"
"This is High General Lava Light of the honorable Ornithian Guard, I expect you to recognise him as a superior!" Pen lied, making up a title for Note on the spot.
"Of course, carry on!" The mare allowed them through.
The 'Premier' and his 'General' continued into the V.I.P lounge. It was twice as ornate as the rest of the courtyard, namely in the fact that gold littered it's decor like cider stains on Pen's couch. The lounge's guests featured the Likes of Princess Luna, Prince Blueblood, Prince Shining Armor, and several other far less important governmental ponies. Normally the mere sight of any of these figures alone would send Pen into a nervous breakdown, but tonight he was not Paper Pen, he was Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia and he had enough wine in his system to convince himself it was true.
The sickly savoring scent of a burning blunt reached Note's nose causing him to naturally gravitate towards its source who, to Note's surprise, happened to be Shining Armor and a group of guardsmen. Meanwhile, 'Cole Clouds' moved to speak with his 'fellow' world leaders.
"It should be me on that throne, not her!" A very drunk Prince Blueblood complained to an entirely uninterested Princess Luna, "I have the blood of royalty, it's mine, Twilight is no better than a commoner!"
"Yes, she is a commoner, one twice as mature and thrice as qualified." Luna rolled her eyes.
"This is not a simple matter of applying for the job, blood succeeds qualification, I am owed!" Blueblood pleaded.
Prince Blueblood… oh how Pen loathed him, he was a bourgeois brat that represented everything the unicorn hated about royalty, though, of course the mild mannered stallion would never have the guts to actually say that to his face. Cole Clouds, however…
"Yes, of course we should prioritize tradition over what's best for the country," Cole trotted up and sarcastically criticized the prince before taking Blueblood's glass of wine to have a sip, one that he immediately spat out, "And might I say, your knowledge of wine is as well as your knowledge of politics!"
"Who in Equestria do you think you are?!" Blueblood exclaimed with anger.
"I am Premier Cole Clouds of the great island nation Ornithia!" Cole introduced himself, "And considering that I actually rule a country, well, I suppose that makes me your better?"
This confused Princess Luna as she had just met with the leader of Ornithia last week… the leader that happened to be a princess… and a bird. Still, this was far more palatable than having to listen to Blueblood's whining. Buck, it was actually pretty entertaining, other ponies must have thought so too because soon a small crowd of well dressed governmental ponies gathered to watch the altercation.
"Why, I've never even heard of Ornithia, what sway do you dare think your backwater country brings you?" Blueblood attacked, "Guards, take this ruffian away!"
Cole and Luna looked over to Shining Armor and his guards. They were far too busy passing around a joint and laughing with Note to hear the Princes' command.
"How weak, you choose not to fight your own battles?" Cole laughed in the stallion's face, "Princess Luna was right, you are nothing more than a stupid colt!"
"That's not what she said!" Blueblood defended.
"It was implied." She said flatly from behind, still watching the two with interest.
"I'll prove to you all that I'm a brave and honorable prince!" Blueblood spoke with anger and conviction, "Servants, fetch us a pair of duelling swords!"
Alright, show was over, Princess Luna knew that she now had to step in. She flew up into the air and landed between the two quarreling stallions, turning a stern face towards Pen.
"So, you are Premier Cole Clouds of Ornithia?" Luna quizzically asked Cole.
"Yes, I rule over the great island nation of Ornithia!" Cole proudly lied.
"Hm, I suppose Princess Hera, the actual leader of Ornithia, has a problem with that?"
"East Ornithia!" Cole 'corrected' himself, "I meant East Ornithia!"
"Really, East Ornithia?" Luna looked to Cole with judging eyes.
"Yes, really!" Cole explained, "You see, there's been some political trouble in the nation as of recent and-"
"How recent?" Luna immediately asked.
"Very? Yes, a moon ago!" Cole answered, "Within the last moon, at least."
"Of course," A stallion from the crowd called out, "The populace must have finally had enough of the Princess' iron grip and declared their own state, Glory to East Ornithia!"
"How dare you," A mare retaliated with offense in her voice, "Princess Hera is an honorable leader, West Ornithia is the one true Ornithia!"
Soon the crowd of governmental ponies was divided, fillies and gentlecolts of high standing had taken their sides in this conflict they had only just heard about and were prepared to fight over it.
"Oh, for buck's sake- there is no East Ornithia!" Luna finally shouted to the crowd.
"Then Equestria is sided with West Ornithia?!" A reporter emerged from the crowd, shoving a recorder in the Princess' face.
Finally noticing the commotion, Shining Armor, Rock Note, and a small detachment of royal guards rushed to the scene. They all reeked slightly of weed.
"Your Highness, what's the problem?" Shining Armor managed to ask, his voice slowed and his eyes pink.
"Highness… how fitting…" Luna again rolled her eyes, "This stallion is claiming to be the leader of a country that does not exist."
"Nonsense!" Note exclaimed with confidence, "If Ornithia wasn't real, how could I be it's high general?"
"East Ornithia." Pen corrected from behind Luna.
"And by Ornithia I mean East Ornithia, the best Ornithia!" Note followed up.
"Is… is that actually illegal?" Shining Armor asked.
"Impersonating a world leader and inciting a war between two nonexistent countries?" Luna asked with judging eyes pointed at Shining Armor, "I do not think anypony has felt the need to specifically write it down, so no, but I suppose picking a fight with Blueblood counts, though truthfully I cannot fault him on that misdeed."
"So, we're cool?" Note smiled innocently.
"Yes, 'high general', you are free to go, but as for 'Premier' Cole Clouds... come, subject, take a walk with me." Princess Luna commanded
Fear instantly shot into Pen's psyche and suddenly, in addition to a sobering terror, he couldn't help but feel so stupid. His tricks never worked on honest to Celestia guardsponies, why did he think the royalty they protect would be any different?
"Yo, I'll feed Bambino while you're locked up!" Note shouted to Pen before fleeing to the main venue to find his marefriend.
"Canvie!" Note called out to his marefriend, finally finding her in the crowd, "Canvie, Honey, I have something I really gotta tell ya'."
"Hey Note! I haven't seen you all night, where have you been?" Canvas replied with a smile, though she sniffed the air with confusion, "Are you high? Note, the Royal Guard is here, you don't wanna get caught!"
"Just a little… and it was with the guard actually-" Note half explained, "But Canvie, I have to tell you something… I uh, I spent that money you gave me…" Note spoke with shame infecting his inflection.
"What? What do you mean?" Canas was confused, "And how the buck did you get in then?"
"The bits you gave me, I spent them on a guitar… I ended up getting the entry fee from Pen." Note admitted. As much as it hurt, the feeling of relief from his bonds of guilt soothed such pain.
Canvas breathed in and sighed deeply, taking a moment to process her feelings.
"I'm not mad." She finally said after a few moments, "I mean, I'm absolutely peeved that you did that… but you were honest with me, so I'm not mad." She gave a gentle smile to further convey what she meant.
"Really?!" Note was slightly shocked though mostly just relieved.
"Yeah, you owned up to your mistake, that was a very mature thing to do!" Canvas complimented, "I mean, Pen wouldn't do that… speaking of which, you should probably bring him back some wine as thanks for those bits."
"I uh… I think he's had enough."
"Hm?"
"I'll explain when we get home." Note brushed the night's events off, "It's such a nice night out, and Luna's moon is so full… you wanna just walk around, get a couple of drinks and tell me how things went with Rarity?"
"I'd like that!" Canvas agreed, smiling and holding her special somepony close.
