Marewell, My Lovely

by libertydude

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Narcotics, Thriller, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Zephyr Breeze, Starlight Glimmer, Sunburst
Length: 11156

A Ponyville police officer tries to solve a mysterious robbery, only to find herself propelled into a mystery involving shifty princesses, forgotten antiques, and ravenous hunger.

Liuetenant Marewell, newly transferred to the Ponyville Police Department, battles ever-encroaching boredom and alcoholism with each day in her new home. Despite the town's reputation, little in the way of crime happens within the hamlet. Marewell can't complain, though she still does.

However, a new case soon arrives in the form of a break-in to Miss Hoofson's Antique Shop. The clerk lies on the floor in a trance, and a display case sits empty. Throw in a nosy princess and promises of death, and Marewell soon finds herself in the thrall of a case much bigger than she is.

Takes place a few years after Season 9.

Written for the Season 10 Bingo Contest.

Edited by EverfreePony.

Published 2020-03-01 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-03-29 23:55:12 UTC

The Waking Death

I shouldn’t have been on the beat that night. Moonshine, the newest recruit to Ponyville P.D. with the hangdog face and a sandy mane in eternal disarray, should have been cutting his teeth on the gig, while I put my hooves up in my quiet cottage and let the liquor provide me the closest thing to sleep I ever got. But Moonshine’s back apparently became acquainted with the stairs behind the retirement home, and with the nightly assignments already handed out, the task was passed to me. I could’ve protested, pointing to the silver placard on my desk saying “Lieutenant Marewell”. Maybe I would have gotten out of all this trouble if I had. Maybe I’d even still be alive.

Anyway, the fiasco started two days ago. Night air filled my lungs, cleaner than I’d ever tasted back in Neighami. The street lamps bathed the town in a warm light everypony else called cozy, but I considered tacky and just this side of useless. The clouds had rolled in from the north, part of the weather team’s plans for heavy showers later in the week. The darkness of Ponyville, normally as quaint as the town with its clear skies and flickering stars, thus became amplified, making my job all the more difficult.

My route took me around the business district of Ponyville, a relatively recent addition to the growing town. Consisting of a long row of small shops and specialist artisan stores, the place felt like a ghost town. Only a few windows remained lit past business hours, all of them from the back of the buildings which hosted their nocturnal guests. My eyes wandered over the shadows dancing in the glass. One of them thrust material across a sewing machine, its pat-pat-pat engine raging in the night. Another, its shape undoubtedly that of a stallion, hoisted large bags atop larger piles. Both moved desperately in their own unique ways, but not desperate in the way a burglar sifts through valuables.

It was above the Flash Bulb Photography Shop that my eyes caught the lone irregularity in the cast shadows. Two distinct shapes of a stallion and mare pressed their faces together. The shadows soon coalesced into a singular form of tangled limbs, and I averted my eyes. A romantic tryst in the place where money was regularly exchanged lent an unfortunate implication. I myself was averse to any real amorous interaction, having been through enough relationship rollercoasters to find myself disinterested in finding anypony worth the trouble. As such, I had no particular hankering to break up the encounter above me. In fact, I found myself trotting a little faster down the street.

I turned the corner of Neighson Bros. Pastry Shop and tried to ignore the faint grumble from my stomach. The windows being no longer lined with the treats they offered in the daytime did nothing to hide my body’s instinctive desire for sustenance. My rush to get on the beat caused certain biological niceties to be avoided, a decision one always regrets whenever growling innards are the only respite from duty.

That was when I saw the crowd gathering across the street. It wasn’t huge by big city standards, but for a place still bordering on remote like Ponyville, it might as well have been a city parade. Ponies tried to stare over the makeshift barricade of boxes somepony had thrown up along the sidewalk in a feeble attempt to control their ever encroaching bodies. The building they gathered around looked more like an expanded cottage than a shop, its window lined with music boxes and taking up three-quarters of the storefront. I glanced up at the sign hanging above the door, just visible in the lamp light.

MISS HOOFSON’S ANTIQUES AND CURIOSITIES

I pushed my way through the crowd and hopped up on the center box.

“Manewell?” a rough voice said.

I glanced down to see Sergeant Jay Bird staring up at me. His aqua eyes held a certain relief in them, one I interpreted as being a result of my arrival.

“Yeah,” I grunted, jumping down. “What’s the story here?”

“Not quite sure yet.” Jay sighed, tugging at his cap. “Neighbors in the print shop next door said they heard glass smash. Came outside and saw the glass shattered on the antique shop’s door. Central sent Water Bug and I over to check things out.”

“Find anything juicy?”

“Sure did. The shop clerk was on the floor. Stuck in a weird trance or something. Got some paramedics in there now trying to help him out.”

“Robbery?”

Jay shrugged. “Don’t know. Not out of the question, considering the circumstances. Won’t know until we do an inventory with the store owner. Might take some time though. Old stuff’s stacked all willy-nilly in there.”

“And we won’t know if it was assault until the clerk wakes up.”

“Right.”

“Where’s Bug?”

“Went to get some more help from Central. And alert the owner, Hoofson. Sooner we can get her over here, quicker we can figure out what was or wasn’t stolen.” His shoulders slumped like a weight had fallen from him.

I gave an appreciative nod. Jay was a solid cop, even for a rinky-dink town like this.

“I can help you out for a little bit,” I said. “My beat wasn’t doing much.”

“No need.” Jay pointed out past the crowd. In the cracks I could see five officers making their way towards us. They pushed through the gathered ponies and climbed over the boxes.

“Lieutenant.” A lime-colored officer I recognized as Emerald Splash. “Didn’t think we’d catch you here.”

“Surprise to me, too,” I said. “I’ll get out of your way.”

“Actually, word from Central was they wanted you as lead on the case.”

“What about my beat?” The question came more from formality than any desire to go back trudging through the business sector.

“Put June on it. Upstairs has reassigned you over here. Said you had more experience with, uh… events like this.”

I held back an urge to laugh. For a town so used to chaotic events and destruction, the idea of ponies hurting other ponies still carried a strange unfathomableness. My arrival in town had been met with the usual warmth as well as trepidation. A mare who’d worked in a Violent Crimes Division was almost a novelty around here. In the bouts of paranoia some episodes of inebriation brought within me, I suspected the townsfolk of hating me. Of looking at me with angry faces and silent exclamations violence would come upon them, because I’d touched it before. The blood must still be there, somehow, someway, they’d thought, or at least I thought they thought. Then sense would overtake me, or at least the hangover would, and I’d find myself eased back into reality.

“Alright,” I said, “if Central wants me, they got me. Red and Brush, you work crowd control. I don’t want anypony coming any closer to the scene. The rest of you, canvas the crowd for witnesses, then the neighbors. Somepony heard something, now we need to know if somepony saw something.”

The group nodded and set to their various tasks. I turned back towards Jay and gave a loose smile. “Sorry to hijack your case.”

“You’re better at these things, anyway,” he said with a shrug. “Though if you make it big in this case, I at least want some minor commendation.”

“Whatever you say. Now walk me through.”

He jerked his head to the shop’s ajar front door and glanced at the dark brown mahogany filling the frame. The window near the top displayed little glass, most of the jagged pieces lying on the sidewalk.

“Not much glass on the inside,” I said. “Unlikely to be a break-in, then. Probably got shattered when our Pony of Interest burst out.”

“Right,” Jay said. “The sign says the shop closes an hour after sunset, and the neighbors heard the glass break around sunset.”

“Meaning anypony could’ve walked in.” I ran a hoof through my black mane. “So now we’ve only got the suspect list narrowed down to the whole town.”

“Want to check out the clerk?”

I nodded and followed him inside, careful not to step on the glass. We made our way through the assorted clocks and hoof-carved furniture filling the small shop. At the end of the cramped space, we found two paramedics standing over a pony lying on the ground. His blonde mane sat combed into a strange hairdo that resembled some weird kind of beehive. His light-green fur looked disheveled, as did the thin goatee speckling his chin. He stared up at the ceiling with his eyes half-closed, mumbling something. His wings twitched every few seconds, the left one smacking a small, open box lined with crimson velvet. I noticed the faint impression of a circular object filling the interior.

I turned my eyes back to the quivering stallion. “What’s up with him?” I said.

The paramedic closest to the stallion’s head gave a frustrated sigh. “It’s the strangest thing. His heart rate and other vitals are normal, and he’s fully conscious, but he’s not responding to any of our questions.”

“He say anything?”

“Nothing we can make out. Just moves his mouth in a weird way and says gibberish.”

“We got a name for him?” I sighed.

“Zephyr Breeze,” a voice said behind me.

“How did y--?” I froze when I turned, as did Jay and the paramedics. Standing before us was a pony I’d heard about many times, but only seen in the newspapers. Her purple fur contrasted with the violet-tinged mane flowing in perpetuity and bright enough to light up the darkened store.

I bent down quickly, an act I could hear Jay and the paramedics imitate.

“Princess Twilight,” I said, rising. “What are you doing here?”

Twilight’s eyes gave me a once over. Her face showed nothing, but I could see a distinct nervousness in her eyes. “I… was in town, visiting the Friendship School. I heard some kind of ruckus was going on here, so I came to investigate.”

“Well, we’re certainly surprised.” I let out a chuckle meant to be playful, but just sounded nervous.

“Word travels fast in a small town, Lieutenant, and I can’t bear to know any of my little ponies have gotten hurt.”

“Rest assured, Princess, we’ll be--“

The princess’s eyes wandered from me to Zephyr. Her face, originally in a state of anxiety, turned fearful.

“Princess, what’s the matter?” I said.

“Oh… nothing. I just think Zephyr’s symptoms are similar to a horrid condition I read about when I was a student. An off-branch of epilepsy that makes a pony faint and spout nonsense. Horrible thing.”

If she saw my arching eyebrow, she didn’t comment on it. She merely swallowed and stood a little straighter.

“Have you started canvassing the neighborhood for witnesses?” Twilight said.

“Yes,” I said, a tint of annoyance in my voice. “We’re also checking the inventory for if anything was stolen.”

“Alright, good.” Her eyes wandered over to the velvet case. “Good.”

I gained a sudden urge to get the princess out of the crime scene. It was a sensation close to sacrilege for many of my colleagues, but any religiosity I’d inherited from my mother had waned over the years. Besides, the princess herself was shiftier than a house of slinkies on a fault line.

“Princess Twilight,” I said, “since you know who Zephyr is, I presume you know his next of kin?”

“Of course,” she said. “His sister Fluttershy is one of my dearest friends.”

“Fluttershy, huh?” Jay shook his head. “I’d hate to have to tell her the news. Poor thing’s high-strung enough to begin with.”

“In that case, it may be best if you deliver the news to her, Princess Twilight. It might be easier to hear it from you than a stranger.” I punctuated each word with an apologetic shrug, each one’s falseness another notch in my ever-increasing blasphemy.

For a moment suspicion filled her eyes. It soon melted into a warmth I’d heard she emanated. “You’re right, Lieutenant,” she said, turning back towards the shop’s front door. “She does need a good friend to help her through this. I’m… I’m sure you can handle things here.”

“As you wish, Princess,” I chirped, trying to mask my relief.

She stopped halfway to the door and turned. “If it’s all the same, Lieutenant, I want to be involved in this investigation from here on out. I don’t want whoever’s responsible for this getting off free. If there’s somepony responsible, of course,” she added quickly.

I was glad she was facing away from me, because my eyes were narrowing faster than I thought possible. “The department is quite thankful for your assistance, Princess.”

She nodded, then made her way out the door. A general hush went out over the crowd, then the unmistakable flapping of wings.

“How long until you can get him to Ponyville General?” I asked the paramedics.

“Soon,” one said. “The wagon will be here any moment.”

“Good. Jay, walk with me.” We made our way down the aisles and stopped in front of the shop window. Along the windowsill sat a plate of cinnamon twists, hidden amongst the keepsakes by its smaller size. A paper placard demanded the reader to “TAKE ONE”. The crowd outside had narrowed somewhat, though more than a few eyes prowled over heads to catch glimpses of the scene.

“First question,” I said. “Did the Princess seem a little off to you too, or am I just suffering from no food?”

“Not just you.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Her timing was what you call ‘too perfect’. She knows something’s going on.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“So what’re you going to do? Run interference so she doesn’t stick her nose in?”

I shook my head. “You think anypony’s going to be able to stop a goddess incarnate from playing detective? No, I just need to know what she knows, and if we’re going to be caught squatting with whatever’s going on here. Can I get a hoof from you in this regard?”

Jay stared out at the crowd, then gave a curt nod. “Anything, as long as I’m not the one you pass the buck to if this thing blows up.”

“Good. Once we’re done here, I want you to go digging at the Friendship School. Ask the staff and students if our dear monarch has been there or was scheduled to be there anytime recently. I want to be sure her arrival isn’t a happy coincidence.”

“Okay. What do we do for now?” For the first time that night, his voice seemed tense.

“Wait for the squad to get back with the witness reports. Wait for the owner to get over here with her inventory list. Wait for Zephyr to wake up or not.” I reached over towards the cinnamon twists and sighed. “It’s going to be a long night,” I said, the sweetness dancing across my tongue.

Snoops and Amulets

The next two hours consisted of finding new ways to make a crime scene boring. Central had to drag the store’s owner out of bed, a situation I realized when I still saw the curlers in Miss Hoofson’s tan mane. She’d grumbled all the way to the back of the store, but she managed to quiet once she got into the books. The closest thing to action came when two bystanders got in a fight over a gap in the boxes to peek at the crime scene. For all intents and purposes, it was the second most interesting thing to happen tonight.

I was just polishing off the last cinnamon twist when I caught Emerald motioning from across the street. An old mare in a silver bathrobe stood beside her, clutching her chest like she expected a heart attack any moment.

“Lieutenant,” Emerald said, nodding towards the mare. “Ms. Shortcake here runs the Edible Delights Food Business. Said she saw somebody in the antique shop not too long before things started.”

“Goodie,” I said. “Maybe we can nail the perp before sunrise.” I turned to Ms. Shortcake and gave the closest thing I could make to a smile. “So what’d you see, miss?”

Shortcake massaged her chest once more. “I want it to be known that I am not a snoopy busybody. I don’t go around peeking into pony’s shops like some common thief.”

“That’s exactly what an uncommon thief would say.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Please continue, Ms. Shortcake.”

She bristled for a moment, then said, “I was closing up the shop when I stepped outside to look for any loose mail. The mailmare around here often doesn’t shove the letters through the slot far enough, and I find them on the ground, you know? Anyways, I was scanning the ground when I saw a stallion go into the antique store.”

“You get a good look at him?”

“Yes. He had yellow fur and an orange mane. Little wispy beard on his chin.”

“He wear anything, like a hat or something?”

“Now that you mention it… he did seem a little ostentatious in that wizard hat and floppy blue cloak.” Her face turned an embarrassed red. “Could nearly see his flank, it was so thin.”

I stifled a laugh and a dirty joke. “You ever see him around here before?”

“Oh, yes. That fellow comes in and out of Hoofson’s like he lives there. Always left with a clock or some other hodgepodge.”

“Amazing how you noticed this without ever being a snoop.”

Her face became annoyed. “I do say, young lady, I don’t care for your tone.”

“Well, care for the clerk. He’s the one you can save by telling us what you know about Mr. Wizard. Preferably, his full name.”

“I… I don’t know his name. Would recognize him in a heartbeat, but I never asked around about him. I mind my own business, despite what you think.”

I let the comment roll off my back like rain on a roof. “You see anything else with this mystery stallion?”

“Yes. Right when I was sweeping up the sidewalk, because Celestia knows the city sweeper we pay doesn’t do it, I was looking up and saw the stallion through the window. Right here, if you’re standing right, you can see all the way to the desk.”

I turned and saw the snoop’s eyesight at least wasn’t failing. The middle row lined up just right with our position, and I could make out the dim light emanating from the desk lamp. The figure of Miss Hoofson flipped through a book and whispered to herself, while Jay bobbed around the front of the desk, looking for anything else Zephyr had knocked to the floor.

“And what was the stallion doing?” I said.

“Arguing with the clerk,” Shortcake said. “Really going at it, too. I’ve never seen ponies so angry at each other. Couldn’t hear them, but you know how ponies look when they’re really angry.”

“They doing anything other than yelling?”

“They were pulling something back and forth right when I went back inside. Didn’t want to see anymore ugliness break out. I started sorting some papers when I heard the glass break. Didn’t see anypony when I got to the window, but I could hear their hooves pounding across the sidewalk just out of view.”

I sighed. “Alright. Thank you very much. Please contact us if you remember anything else.” I motioned to Emerald to follow me back into the antique shop. We made our way past the glass, long photographed and about to be swept away, and headed to the back of the store. Miss Hoofson sat behind the desk still, Jay now peeking over her shoulder with each flip of the page. He looked like those parodies of bad readers you see in fillies’ magazines, where they’re squinting too hard and mouthing all the words. I couldn’t hold it against him; fifteen years of paperwork on his end probably shorted out any interest in reading anything more than the newspaper. On the flip side, Hoofson’s hair already seemed to be falling out of the curlers, more disoriented with each frustrated huff.

“Miss Hoofson,” I said, “have you identified anything as stolen?”

“Yes, Lieutenant,” she sighed, her face hanging heavy. “The empty case you found is missing an old amulet from the Early Ponish Age. It was one of the oldest things I had in the store.” She stared down at the desk and shook her head. “Why would they attack poor Zephyr over a simple jewel?”

“This Zephyr guy, did he have anypony who might want to hurt him?”

Hoofson laughed. “Sweet Celestia, the bigger question is who didn’t want to hurt him. The boy was so… bombastic that he got on virtually everypony’s nerves.”

“By your tone, I’m assuming he wasn’t a model employee?”

A sad sigh escaped from Hoofson’s lips. “It’s… complicated. He was a bit of a hoofful, I’ll readily admit, but he seemed to be taking to the job rather well. He categorized all the items the right way, he dusted every nook and cranny. He even found a way to save us money on postage. All on his first week on the job! None of my other clerks did such things. Most of them just got tired all the time and mumbled at the customers.”

Boredom and mumbling? I thought. This really is an antique store.

Hoofson looked up at the ceiling, where a fan spun in idle circles. “And now my best employee’s in the hospital, and I don’t know why.”

Emerald and I shared a look, then I continued. “This amulet that’s missing, was it special in any way? Like any particular history behind it or famous owners?”

“I honestly don’t know. I’d come across it at an antique sale over in Dodge Junction. From the inscriptions and the mare selling it, it was clear it was from the Age of Alamon, but I don’t know much else beyond that.”

I chuckled. “That far back, huh? And this mare just had a warlord’s prized jewel lying around?”

“I didn’t ask how she came about it,” Hoofson said. “Besides, it was going at an outrageously low price.” She stared down at the wooden floor, still shimmering in the candlelight from Zephyr’s drool. “I fear it might’ve cost Zephyr more than it’ll ever cost me.”

“What does this amulet look like?”

Miss Hoofson shook her head. “As far as amulets go, it was not particularly unique. Just a simple crimson with a golden encasing around it. Hangs from a little chain, like a pocket watch.”

I gave a slight chuckle. “Well, the good news is that even the plainest amulet is still an amulet. We’ll be keeping our eyes on the nearby pawn shops or museums in case someone decides to trade in.”

Hoofson’s eyes betrayed no relief at the statement, only weariness and fear at the missing clerk whose presence still filled the shop. I loosened my shoulders and readied for another go.

“Miss Hoofson, do you have regular clientele in this joint?”

“Oh, yes. We get quite a few retirees who come in to look at knick-knacks from their younger days.”

“How about somepony a bit on the younger side? Say, with yellow fur, orange mane, and dressed like a wizard.”

Her eyes did a double take. “Why, yes. That sounds just like Sunburst.”

“Sunburst?” Emerald said. “The guy up at the Friendship School?”

Jay shot me a look I could catch with my whole body. I gave him my own, the kind that a smart stallion knows to mean keep quiet.

“This Sunburst fellow,” I said. “What does he usually buy?”

“Practically everything,” Hoofson said. “Clocks, music boxes, the whole works. Even buys mystery barrels, the kind where you don’t know what’s in them until you open them up.”

“Has he ever caused any trouble around here before? Any arguments or fights?”

“Absolutely not. He’s one of the best customers I’ve ever had. Why, I can’t even remember him raising his voice. Surely you don’t think he’s responsible for this?”

“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. Right now though, he’s the last one to see Zephyr lucid, and we need to find him to figure out what’s going on.”

Hoofson stared down at the desk, head in her hooves. “Sunburst couldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t have…”

I jerked my head towards Jay, and we both made our way outside. The crowd had thinned, the night beating back their curiosity over the promise of sleep.

“So this Sunburst guy is our Pony of Interest?” Jay said.

I nodded. “We’ve got a witness who can identify him and a tie to the crime scene. All that’s left is finding him.”

“What was all that about arguments? Antique stores well-known for getting sparks flying?”

“More than you’d think,” I said. “Those Luna pendants get all the kids riled up. In other news, the snoop across the street said Sunburst wouldn’t be passing any blood pressure tests.”

Jay raised his own eyebrows. “And Zephyr was his yelling buddy?”

“You got it. So, best case scenario for us, Sunburst decided to give Zephyr an amateur lobotomy over a mysterious jewel. Worst case scenario, he’s got nothing to do with this, and the real perp walked in a minute later to give Zephyr the Tirek Treatment.”

Jay shook his head. “And the Alamon angle? You think that might’ve been why this Sunburst fella took the amulet?”

The idea wasn’t beyond possibility. If my Equestrian History was up to date, Alamon came from before the tribes uniting, when having a good handle on magic made you a king. Everything I heard said he made everypony’s lives about as miserable as could be until one of the many Unicorn Civil Wars broke out and he fled for the hills like any good deposed tyrant. A period of such turmoil bred a certain fascination for more off-kilter ponies, and a jewel tied to a warlord seemed like it would be right up their alley.

“Don’t know just yet, Jay,” I said. “For now, let’s approach this like Sunburst’s not a criminal mastermind and just a Pony of Interest.”

Jay tipped his cap. “Alright. Let’s just hope you’re right, and we don’t have to make things get any uglier than they have to be.”

I heard the fluttering of wings and saw the princess descend from the sky. Her face looked as forlorn as ever, though she did her best to hide it as we made our way forward.

“Well, Princess?” I said. “How did Fluttershy take the news?”

“Poorly,” she sighed with a defeated look. “Went to pieces the second I brought up how bad things were.” Her face grew resolute. “Have you found anything yet?”

“Indeed we have. Seems our Pony of Interest has a name: Sunburst.”

“Sunburst…” Her eyes squinted. “Oh, yes. Starlight Glimmer’s husband.”

“The headmistress of the Friendship School?” Jay and I exchanged another knowing glance. “Well, that certainly makes things more interesting.”

“How so?” Twilight said.

I let out a brief whistle to mask my anticipation. Turns out Jay wouldn’t need to go banging on student’s doors after all. “Your Majesty, I hope you know Ms. Glimmer as well as you’re implying, because right now, we’re going to need a school to sort out what’s going on with this stolen amulet. Ever hear about the Age of Alamon?”

A ghost of a smile crossed the princess’s face. “I think I read a book about it once.”

Old Friends

The journey over to Starlight Glimmer’s house was filled with the same uneasy aura as a wake. Neither I nor Twilight Sparkle said anything as we made our way across town to where the giant castle stood beside the Friendship School. Twilight still seemed to be going over the news we told her about Sunburst, her eyes wandering around the empty streets like a new wave of bad news threatened to leap out any second. I mostly just didn’t feel like chatting with the gnawing hunger starting to build up in my stomach again.

“Here we are,” Twilight said. I looked up to see the castle, more akin to a giant crystal tree than a domicile for a headmistress.

“Brings back memories?” I said.

“What?” Twilight said with a confused face.

“I thought you lived here. Before you became ruler and everything.”

“Oh yes. Lovely times. Now let’s knock before she drifts off to sleep.” She raised her hoof and knocked on the door. For a few moments, only the crickets made any noise on the clear lake sitting across the green. Then a shuffling penetrated the doors, and a tired mare in glasses pushed them open. Her light purple coat seemed rough and her mane disheveled. Her face, however, became alight the second she caught the eyes of the princess.

“Twilight!” she squealed, jumping forward to embrace her. Twilight patted her back in the same way an estranged family member does to an aunt out of the loop. Her face filled with unmistakable awkwardness, as did her tense body trying to break Starlight’s grip ever so slowly.

“Hello, Starlight,” Twilight said. “Long time no see.”

“I’ll say! I didn’t think you’d be coming around until late fall.”

“Well, things came up. This here is Lieutenant Marewell,” she said, motioning to me. Starlight’s face fell into default seriousness when she saw my badge gleaming in the light filtering through the cracks in the door.

“Is something wrong, officer?” she asked.

“Many things,” I said. “But right now, your husband Sunburst is the pony I need to talk to.”

“Sunburst?” She looked at Twilight. “What’s going on?”

“Maybe we could go in?” Twilight said with a forced smile. “We may have to be here a while.”

“Of… of course. Please, come in.” Starlight waved us through the metal doors, and a wide crystal room stood before us. A long balcony lined the far end of the room, the little insignia of Twilight’s royal seal falling from the railings and every inch of the room shining in aqua blue light. Starlight parked herself on a violet chair, her legs already demonstrating the telltale shake every widow does before they learn what pasture their beloved was trotting in. A part of me felt bad knowing she would never look at her husband the same way again. The other parts wanted to get this case over with so I could get some good grub in my stomach.

“Is Sunburst in any trouble?” Starlight said.

“Depends on your definition of trouble,” I said. “Right now, he’s a Pony of Interest in an assault and robbery down in the Business District. Miss Hoofson’s. Ever heard of it?”

“Of course. Sunny goes down there all the time for new antiques. And what do you mean Pony of Interest? You don’t think he did that assault and robbery?”

“I don’t know what to think. Otherwise, I’d be at home with a sandwich and a beer. That’s why we need to find your husband. You see him at all tonight?”

Starlight shook her head. “I haven’t seen him since he left.” Her horn lit up, and a pulse of magic flew around her. It bounced off every wall and zipped down the long hallway stretching behind her. The pulse soon rebounded, shooting right back into her horn. She sighed. “And he’s not in the castle now.”

I looked over at Twilight, whose own horn let out a similar pulse, then nodded. I trusted her word as much as a gryphon trusts charities, but the surprise in Starlight’s face seemed too genuine. If she was playing interference for her husband, she must’ve been one heck of an actress to pull this off.

“Do you have any idea where he might’ve gone?” I said.

“Gone?” Her voice betrayed her confusion. “You think he’s hiding from something?”

“Maybe. We’ve got witnesses who place him at Miss Hoofson’s around the time of the crime, and a broken window caused by someone fleeing a crime scene. Not the sign of somepony who’s used to criminal acts.”

“He didn’t do those things. I know that right off. He could barely bring himself to scold Princess Flurry Heart when he was her Crystaller.”

“Had he been acting strangely the past few days? Doing anything odd?”

“No. He’s just been studying some trinkets from the Old Ponish days.”

Twilight straightened up. “Would that include some from the Age of Alamon?” Her eyes gleamed something fierce, like a predator who’d spotted her prey.

Starlight’s face filled with confusion. “I thought Sunburst had sent you the letters, Twilight. He’s been asking for your help with the Alamon artifacts since last month.”

“Ah, well… things have been busy. Royal procedures and all that. Probably slipped through my mail sorters’ hooves.”

I held my hoof up. “Well, I haven’t heard about this Alamon stuff before. Your husband was studying Al?”

“Oh, yes,” Starlight said. “Was going over all the different historical notes and artifacts from back then. He’s always wanted to categorize the Uncivilized Periods, and Alamon was one of the chief proponents of the time. Nopony knows what happened to him after he got deposed, so trying to catalogue the chronology of his rule could help us determine where he ended up.” She sat back in her chair. “Not that finding out what happened to a psychotic warlord means much to me. Everything I read says the unicorns cheered for days when they finally threw him out into the wilderness.”

“But he was magnificent,” Twilight said, just short of exasperation. “For a mad stallion, of course. Regardless of how you feel about his actions, he was one of the most significant unicorn rulers in the pre-princess days.”

Starlight gave a hesitant nod. “One of the greatest magical powers in the world too. Teleportation, interdimensional jumping, shapeshifting, you name it.”

Twilight gave a slight smile, while I did my best not to sigh. “So Sunburst was studying this Almanac guy. Is it wise to assume he went to Hoofson’s to pick up artifacts from the era?”

“Of course. He comes across so many different things throughout antique stores.” She stared down at her hooves and gave a sad smile. “I thought they were such junk when we first started reconnecting, but you learn to love other’s imperfections over time.”

Time to put that idea to the test, I thought.

“Miss Starlight, would your husband ever be angry enough to get into a fight with somepony?”

Her face became confused. “No, absolutely not. He could hardly work up the nerve to start an argument with me. Why do you ask?”

My mouth fluttered for a bit. The previous confidence dried up when I saw the silent plea in her eyes.

“We’ve got a witness that says Sunburst was arguing with somepony,” Twilight said. I gave a confused look at her brashness. Hopefully she wasn’t the Princess of Tact, or else Celestia had made a grave mistake.

“What?” Starlight gasped. “Who?”

“The victim,” Twilight said without missing a beat. “Zephyr Breeze.”

“Zephyr?!” Anger mixed with confusion. “Why would--? No, there must be a mistake. I know Zephyr. He’s an even bigger pushover than Sunburst! They didn’t even know each other. How could such mild ponies get into a fight?”

“Equal and opposite reactions, Miss Starlight,” I said. “And right now, we’ve got a lot of witnesses saying Sunburst wasn’t as cuddly as you’re saying.”

Starlight shook her head. “He wouldn’t have! He couldn’t! It has to be a trick, or a spell or something!”

“Maybe. But right now, all I’ve got is the witnesses, Zephyr in the hospital, a missing amulet, and your missing husband. Until we find him, all we’ve got is a bunch of hearsay and evidence that could land him flat in the slammer.”

“She’s right, Starlight,” Twilight said. “We have to find him, or else.”

The tone seemed to surprise Starlight more than me, because she looked up at Twilight with pained eyes. Not the pain of losing one’s husband, but the pain of wondering how a friend could say something in such a cruel way. Twilight stared back with a face more indifferent than I thought possible. I squirmed in my seat; I knew it was time to make our exit.

“Miss Starlight,” I said. “Is there any way to contact Sunburst quickly? Some kind of telepathy spell or magic code you could send through the air?”

“We have a mail spell we sometimes use when we take trips. I based it off Twilight’s dragon Spike and his magic breath. I just reconfigured the magic to make the letter travel to unicorns instantaneously.”

I nodded. “Okay, then I need you to write a letter telling him to come home. The sooner he talks with us, the sooner we can sort this whole mess out.”

She clutched the arm of the chair, then nodded. “Alright. I’ll write to him soon. I… I can send one of my students to fetch the police when I’ve sent it.”

I looked toward Twilight as we both stood up. If she noticed the implicit insult, she showed no signs of it as she nodded and made her way to the door. I walked behind her, Starlight accompanying me all the way.

“How could she be so cold?” Starlight said, holding back tears when Twilight disappeared outside the castle doors. “She’s normally so warm and friendly. Now…” She sniffled.

Against my better judgment, I patted her back. “Well, regardless of how she may be acting now, we do appreciate her help with this case,” I said. “Sorry we had to poach her away from her school visit.”

Confusion once more filled her face. “What school visit?”

I grit my teeth, trying not to show my glee. Her Majesty had been hiding something from me. “Why, yours of course. That’s the reason she said she came down here.”

She shook her head in perplexion. “That makes no sense. She would’ve told us, unless there was an emergency or something.”

Long time no see.

Probably slipped through my mail sorters’ hooves.

No Friendship School visit planned.

The truth was staring me dead in the face, and I couldn’t even smell it coming. My face hardened. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

“Miss Starlight,” I said, grasping her shoulders, “I need you to write a letter. Two, in fact. And make them ASAP. I’m going to need to pull this off tonight or never at all.”

Know Your Enemy

It was well past midnight by the time Twilight and I waddled back into town. Her face remained as stoic as ever, even when I suggested we stop by the Night Stand to get some food. Or at least, get me some food. My stomach couldn’t handle the growling much longer, and I needed a little time with weight off my hooves. I also needed to convince the princess of my plan if I was to solve this case before daylight.

The joint came into view as a rinky-dink wooden stand sitting along two abandoned buildings, both former grain stores whose owners had long since bounced. Four stools sat before the table jutting out from the open stand. A chubby grey stallion with a blue beard and lazy eyes stared at us in apparent disinterest before muttering what we wanted.

“Hayburger, plain,” I said. “Anything for you, Princess?”

“A ginger ale will be fine,” she muttered, sitting on the stools with a hesitance reserved for children tasting broccoli for the first time.

The stallion shrugged, then flopped a spoonful of lard upon the grill. Pops and sizzles filled the night air, the only sound for blocks in a town already long asleep.

“So what do you recommend we do next?” Twilight said. The words came off as annoyed and exhausted.

I tapped upon the stand. “Well, there are a few things we can do. The first is impose a city-wide search and poke through every house to see where he’s holed up.”

“He’s probably long gone. Probably took off not long after he sucked the soul out of the clerk.”

“Soul?” The hayburger flopped in front of me, still gleaming with grease. “How do you know it was his soul that was sucked out? For all we know, he just got an epileptic attack.”

Twilight pursed her lips. “I’ve seen cases like this before. Ponies who got their souls sucked out, leaving their bodies as jittering husks.”

My head bobbed up and down. “So that’s why you were so squirrely when you first showed up. Why didn’t you tell us what was up?”

She shrugged. “Caution, I suppose. Tell ponies in a quiet town that there’s somepony that can suck out their very essence, and things are liable to get crazy.”

I took a bite of the hayburger, letting the mayo dance across my tongue and grass get stuck between my teeth. Twilight’s face betrayed no regret or apprehension at her previous statements. Lies were necessary in her mind. In that moment, before I could finish chewing, I knew my plan needed to go through.

“And the Alamon angle?” I said, smacking my lips. “You know something that I don’t?”

She took a deep breath. “The amulet Sunburst took isn’t just one of many jewels Alamon had. It’s the one his very essence is inside.”

I cocked my head. “And you think this essence might’ve escaped?”

“It all adds up. Hoofson complained about her employees being tired all the time, like something was slowly sapping their energy. Then Zephyr and Sunburst get into a huge argument, causing the amulet to go haywire and suck Zephyr dry. Or maybe Sunburst discovered its power through his research and decided to test it on the first pony he could find. He could use the amulet to build up his own magical abilities over time, his magic growing with each soul he stole.”

“Nah. The second scenario doesn’t jive. If Sunburst is as smart as you and Starlight say, he wouldn’t be testing dangerous artifacts in a little antique store anypony could walk into. My money’s on the amulet going haywire.”

“Well, then I hope your police pension is good, because my whole body is saying we’ve got a soul-sucker on the loose ready to drain this town dry. Maybe all of Equestria.”

“For a Princess of Friendship, you don’t seem to have much faith in your friends.” I put the hayburger down and licked my lips. “For the sake of argument, let’s say you’re right. Sunburst’s a budding little sociopath who decided to become the Soul-Sucker Supreme once he got the power. Why’d he panic and break the store window when he fled? If he’s as smooth an operator as you say, he should’ve gone out a back door or walked out the front like nothing happened.”

“Ponies can panic. It’s one of their primary traits whenever something bad happens.”

“An optimistic ruler you are.” I took another bite of the hayburger. “For now though, let’s operate as if he might still have a shred of morality within him and didn’t mean to drain Zephyr dry. What’s the first thing a regretful pony would do after this incident?”

I cast a glance her way, half-expecting her to finish the rest of my thought. I got only a blank stare.

“I don’t know,” she said impatiently. “What would they do?”

“Well, he’d first be curious if he was a murderer or just an assaulter. One carries more jail time than the other, and with the connections he has around town, he might be able to talk down a battery charge. Thing is, he won’t know until tomorrow’s paper hits the stands.”

“So you want to wait until morning?”

I gave her my own impatient glance. “That is, unless he decided to check out his handiwork as soon as possible.”

“What’re you--?” Her eyes flashed in recognition, then happiness. “The hospital.”

I nodded. “I knew you were princess for a reason.”

“This is, of course, assuming he’s mournful and would bother returning to see his victim.”

I finished off my hayburger and shrugged. “Even if he isn’t, he’d still go back. Zephyr’s still alive, even if he’s the newest addition of the produce section. A living victim is a potential testimony. And given how fast he rushed out, I doubt Sunburst knows whether Zephyr’s still kicking or not. Either way you cut it, Sunburst’s only option is to go back to Zephyr.”

She listened with an intense look upon her face, my reasoning filling her head with each syllable. The decision was set, however, when I heard the words: “Let’s go”.

The hospital was easy for us to get into. The uniform instantly deflated any resistance from the staff about visiting hours being up, as did the monarch at my side asking for us to see the stallion brought in earlier. So enamored by our visit that the front desk nurse didn’t notice the little green glass I nicked from the medicine box beside her. I didn’t bother reading the label; it would serve its purpose tonight all the same, and I doubted they'd shove hydrochloric acid into a medicinal box.

We walked down the empty hallways, only the faint breaths of sleeping patients proving somepony was in the place. We came to a room with a plain white door, indistinguishable from the others save the name scrawled on the miniature whiteboard beside it: Zephyr Breeze.

Zephyr himself sat propped by pillows, an oxygen mask across his face, and his eyes still half-open. His legs twitched every few seconds, the covers ruffling with each thrust, and his hair glistening with sweat.

“Poor guy,” I said. “Probably got into antiques for the lack of excitement. Now he’s going to be our bait.”

“Life’s unfair like that,” Twilight grumbled, a tint of impatience in her voice. “Now let’s hide ourselves. I don’t want to be caught unawares.”

I reached into my coat pocket and brought out the light green glass. “We just have to hope Sunburst is the one caught unawares.”

“What’s that?” Twilight whispered.

“The milk of the poppy,” I lied. It came easier to me than most ponies, and I hoped Twilight bought it as easily as others. “Normally used for sleeping aids, but an exceptionally powerful knock-out if distilled in the right portions. Don’t even have to breathe it in; just getting a few drops against your skin would render you out for hours.”

Twilight nodded. “Alright. As long as it keeps us from losing Sunburst again.”

We flipped off the lights and stood behind the curtains of the next bed over, luckily empty of any patient. I shot a glance out the window towards the moon starting to peek above the treeline. Only a few minutes left until I could put this all to rest.

“I hope you’re right in your suspicions,” Twilight whispered in my ear. “Otherwise, Sunburst will be long gone and the Amulet of Alamon will be lost forever.”

For Zephyr’s sake, let’s hope that’s not true, I thought.

For a few minutes, only Zephyr’s beeping machines and the crickets outside signaled we were still in the land of the living. Then, as softly as a butterfly’s flapping wings, I could hear the door open. The shadow across the room denoted a figure with a wispy little beard starting to inch across the floor.

I glanced back at Twilight. She nodded in the darkness.

I jumped out and let loose the liquid towards the figure’s body. The glass cracked and the figure coughed in the wetness starting to careen down his side.

“Give on up, Sunburst!” I shouted. “We know about you and Zephyr!”

“No…” a meek voice panted. “I need to… save…” The figure collapsed onto the floor. I flipped on the lights to find the witness description matched his features. The thin beard, the disheveled red mane, the wizard get-up. He even had the big-framed glasses. Around his neck was where my and Twilight’s eyes went, however, as a bright gold locket hung around his neck. The unmistakable sigil of a dark stallion covered the front, and the chain jingled as Sunburst twitched ever more.

“Well, looks like we got both Sunburst and the amulet. Guess we can--” I felt a blow across the back of my head and flopped to the floor. The squiggles in my vision turned into smudges resembling Twilight Sparkle. I could just make out a smile across her face.

“You stupid mare,” she said in a deeper voice. “You played right into my trap.” Her horn lit up and ripped the locket away from Sunburst’s neck. The closer the locket came to her, the more Twilight’s form began to shift into a dark red. Soon, where Princess Twilight had once stood, now an imposing stallion with crimson fur and a dark purple mane stood.

“Now,” the new figure said, “you've just ushered in the Next Age of Alamon.”

The Long Con

“Alamon, I’m guessing?” I said, rubbing the back of my head. A faint drumbeat seemed to play in the back of my skull, harder and faster than anypony would ever want.

“Indeed, Lieutenant,” he chuckled. “I wondered when you would catch up.”

“Well, I had to get some mustard first.”

“Your humor in the face of defeat is admirable, Lieutenant, but I’m afraid I have little time for such pleasantries. Submit before me now, and I may spare you in the oncoming cleanse.”

“Or else what? You’ll destroy me with a flick of your hoof?”

“Yes, in fact. Or maybe I’ll turn you into a delicious rabbit to feed to the timberwolves. Whatever would cause you the most pain and suffering.”

I grunted as I got to my hooves. “You’ve been playing us from the beginning, haven’t you? Sucked out Zephyr’s soul, then framed Sunburst for it.”

“What’s the saying you ponies use nowadays?” he said, scratching his chin like a mock professor. “‘Close but no cigar’? No, these two’s hostility allowed me to free myself, but the clerk’s soul was absorbed into the amulet itself. While our bond is strong, the jewel does the actual soul absorption.”

“So Sunburst really didn’t do it.”

“The little fool was trying to hide from me. Whisked the amulet away so I could only have limited magic to use.” He gave a sly grin. “Little did he know I could still shapeshift into the ruler of Equestria, and that the Ponyville Police Department can be quite helpful with the right face and name.”

“Well, bully for you. You fooled an alcoholic lieutenant. I’m sure the history books will look upon you in awe.”

“Keep up such a flippant attitude, and I can guarantee history books is all you will be in.”

I spat upon the floor, the glob of spit glowing red in Alamon’s light snaking through the room. “Stop beating around the bush, you bastard. At this point, anything that involves not hearing you again seems like the greatest blessing of all time.”

“Death, it is,” he said, raising the locket up to his eyes. “Gaze upon your demise, Marewell, my lovely. A shame we couldn’t be anything more than temporary partners.”

Energy glowed around the amulet's container, a thick crackle starting to fill the room. Alamon's face glowed in the dark with a sadistic grin plastered across his face. I tensed up, ready for the final pin to drop.

The locket shot open. Nothing sat within but a photo of some old relative I could only imagine was Sunburst’s great-aunt.

I smiled when I saw the perplexed face of the would-be conqueror. He glanced into the locket, then threw it to the floor.

“A fake!” he roared. “The little twerp hid the real one from us!”

“From you,” I said.

“What’re you--?” His tongue fell silent when he glanced behind me. I smiled.

“Thank you for joining us, Princess,” I said.

“Thank you for telling us what was going on, Lieutenant,” the same voice I’d heard all night from Alamon’s lips intoned. Albeit this sounded gentler, softer, though no less hard at the red figure starting to back away. Behind her, I could hear Starlight’s embittered grunts.

“Thank you for your help as well, Miss Starlight,” I said. “I’d pinned this Twilight as a fake the moment you brought up the nonexistent school incident.”

“You’re more than welcome,” Starlight said, just short of a growl. I could almost see the daggers staring across the room at the quivering form of Alamon.

“I presume you gave them the amulet, Sunburst?” I said.

Sunburst sat up immediately, the last few drops of the oil falling to the floor. “Sure did! Even wrapped it in anti-magic material to make sure it didn’t act up like the first time.”

Alamon leapt towards the open window, wings starting to sprout from his back. His face collided with an invisible field, and he landed back on the floor. A purple force field covered the rest of his body.

“I’ve cloaked the entire hospital in an enchantment,” Twilight said. I could see her now beside me, her violet-streaked mane flowing in the air and sparkling in the dim light. “You were caught the second you stepped inside.”

Alamon growled. “Impossible! My magic would have detected a trap!”

“Wrong again, bozo,” I said. “Funny thing about magic is that we’re always perfecting it, and you're about a thousand years behind the curve. Worst of all, you tried to out-magic some of the best magicians in the land.” I winked at Starlight, who returned the gesture. “Your charade wouldn’t have lasted much longer even if we hadn’t gone up to see Starlight, but she certainly made it easier to catch you.”

“Damn it!” Alamon threw himself against the force field, which merely shimmered with the hit.

“Don’t bother trying,” Twilight said. “We’ve got you dead to rights. I’d hate to have you just plain dead.”

I gave her a half-shocked, half-amused look. “Didn’t know you were so hardcore, Princess.”

A cocky smirk filled her face. “I’ve eaten an entire quesadilla before. I fear no mare or god.”

I sighed. “I’m going to assume that’s an in-joke and move on with my life.”

“A wise choice,” Starlight said. She shot a look towards Sunburst, still scrubbing off the mystery oil I’d lobbed at him. “Just like how it’s wise not to go searching for dangerous artifacts without telling your wife!”

Sunburst went red. “N-No, honey, it’s not what you think! I had no clue the amulet would release Alamon. I just thought it might’ve had a little bit of dark magic in it.” He put his hoof to his head. “Celestia knows, the last thing I wanted to do was release a sociopathic tyrant into Equestria.”

Starlight’s eyebrows raised before she turned to Alamon. “Is this true, Alamon? Your little trinket helped you escape all those millennia ago?”

He gave an amused smile. “Oh, it let me escape all kinds of things, dear Starlight. Give it to me now, and I can make you a princess to match this pretender before you.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “No, thanks. This 'pretender' is my friend. And I don’t think I could go for somepony who tried to hurt my little Sunny.”

Sunburst blushed, then nuzzled Starlight. Even I felt a certain fuzziness in the place where my heart was supposed to be.

Then I saw Alamon’s horn glowing. Twilight, so enamored in the make-up session, stared away from the full-on blast starting to build up in his bones.

Logic told me her magic was too strong to be overcome, that Alamon was too weak to even break a half-hearted shield Twilight threw up. But instinct rarely listens to logic, and right then, I’d decided to let instinct take control.

“Princess Twilight!” I shouted, leaping forward. I pushed her out of the way just as the red beam pierced the force field, shattering like a glass window, and shot straight out at me.

I felt the heat cover my body, then I felt nothing at all.

The Truthful Liar

The problem with dying is that it’s virtually indistinguishable from falling asleep.

My first sergeant told me that back in Neighami. He’d been talking about the few times he’d taken somepony to the hospital after they had an accident. Said their little hearts stopped for a few minutes, then started right up again. All they would ever remember was drifting off to a fitful sleep, a peace they’d never felt since the time they were fillies or colts.

So I’d hope you can understand why I said I died when I started this story. It felt just like that, the brief moment of pain before a deep sleep. The only good sleep I thought I’d ever get, and it was coming forty years ahead of schedule.

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up. For a moment I thought I was in a different room, pushed into some other wing of the hospital. Yet the unmistakable black marks of a magic battle covered the floor I could just make out at the foot of my bed. The disarray once filling the room now seemed to be clear, swept away by some poor underpaid nurse who would never understand the fate of the world had been decided here.

“Wakey-wakey, Police Lady!” a high-pitched voice called out. I turned and saw Zephyr Breeze looking at me. He sat up in his bed now, a thin level of scruff covering his chin and hair thrown into the closest thing to a beehive it could be.

“Mr. Breeze,” I said. “Soul returned, I assume?”

“You assumed correct! That Alabaster or whatever he called himself couldn’t keep me down to save his life.”

“And I’m sure you thanked all the responsible parties for making you better?”

“Of course! I may be a lean, mean, ancient-warlord-fighting machine, but I do know how to express a little bit of gratitude.”

“Then I recommend dishing it out now,” a voice said from the door. I turned to see Twilight Sparkle standing there, mane flowing as gently as ever. “Because your roommate’s the only reason we got your soul back.”

I gave a sharp chuckle. “And all it cost was a few hours of consciousness. Do I get a Royal Guard pension for pulling that stunt?”

“Oh please,” Zephyr groaned. “I’ve been with the Royal Guards before, and their dental is absolute rubbish.”

Twilight smiled. “The good news is both of you will be out of here by tomorrow. All the doctors have told me there are no signs of permanent damage from Alamon’s black magic. The better news is that Lieutenant Marewell here will be leaving as a captain, if Chief Driftwood takes my recommendation.”

“Well how about that?” I said. “Maybe now I can spend more nights behind a desk instead of chasing escaped warlords from ancient times.”

“That’s the funny thing about Ponyville. It’s either nothing but excitement or the dullest town this side of Equestria.” Twilight grinned. “I think that’s why I still love it here.”

I nodded. “I’m starting to see its charms. And I’m not talking about the magic of friendship.”

“Give it time,” Twilight laughed. “Speaking of which, a friend of yours is here to see you.” She stepped aside, revealing Jay to be standing right behind her. A bunch of flowers filled his hooves, crushed along the stems where he’d gripped it too hard.

My eyebrows arched. “Daisies, Jay? And here I thought you of all stallions would know how to ask a mare out.”

He chuckled, placing the flowers at the foot of the bed. “Might still be on the table. Depends on how gullible the pain meds are making you.”

I shook my head. “Sergeants are below my radar, anyway.” I looked back at Princess Twilight, her face in telltale amusement. “And you, Princess? You going back to Canterlot to get back to business?”

“Eventually,” she said. “For now, I’ve got a few friends I want to see while I’m in the area. Starlight and Sunburst are nice enough to open their home to me. Though I guess it’s still my castle, but that’s beside the point. The real point is that I’m sticking around for a few days. Maybe we’ll even cross paths again.”

“Maybe. Maybe.” A cloud filled my visage, and I glanced back over at Zephyr. “By the way, Zephyr, what were you and Sunburst arguing over to begin with? You know, back at the antique shop?”

“Oh!” Zephyr said, throwing his hooves in the air. “That egghead was getting bent all out of shape over the coloring of the amulet’s holder. Kept saying it was gold when it was clearly hazel sunshine!”

My face fell. “Really? You guys were arguing over color?”

“It’s the most important aspect!” Zephyr squealed. “You wouldn’t put mahogany as the same color as copper! Lives are decided by the hue!”

“Hoo, boy,” I sighed. "Guess we better ban all color-coding debates until we find all the other disappeared war criminals." Jay and Twilight shook their heads in amusement.

“Well, I need to get back to Central,” Jay said, trotting towards the door. “The paperwork for everything last night still isn’t halfway done.”

“I’ll help you when I’m out of here,” I called as he disappeared from view. The princess stood before me and nodded her head. It was a polite way of saying she’d said her piece and needed to hit the road.

“Thanks for your help, Princess,” I said.

She shook her head. “No, thank you, Lieutenant. Had you not told Starlight to contact me, we wouldn’t have been able to do anything in time. Alamon might’ve sucked the whole town dry before I could put a stop to him.” She gave a slight bow. “Ponyville and Equestria will always be in your debt, and you’re always welcome in my court.”

I bent my head as low as I could. It was the closest thing to a bow I could make in the bed. “I was just doing my job. Like it or not, Ponyville is my home now, and I made an oath to protect it to the best of my ability.”

“And you will keep doing a wonderful job.” Twilight turned around and began making her way toward the door.

“Oh, and Princess?” I called out. She stopped in her tracks and looked back at me. “What happened to Alamon?”

Twilight chuckled. “He won’t be a problem any longer. Let’s just say he’s getting all the attention he wanted somewhere far away from here.”

Purgatory

Rainbow Dash’s hands had already started to blister from the shoveling. The horse manure didn’t aid her attitude, the stench already starting to make her woozy in the afternoon sun. She’d made a promise to Applejack to help out at the Everfree Stables, however, and she intended to help her friend see the barn cleaning through.

“Hey, Rainbow!” Applejack called out. Her bound hair bounced with each step, her boots giving their signature clack-clack along the barn floor. Two water bottles filled both hands, and Rainbow let out a relieved sigh as the shovel fell to the ground.

“Thanks, AJ,” she said, grabbing a bottle and downing the frigid water.

“Careful, sugarcube,” Applejack chuckled. “You’ll get a brain freeze if you chug too hard.”

“In this heat, I’ll be lucky to have a brain chill. You sure picked a heck of a day to clean out the stables.”

“Well, Mr. Stamp wasn’t giving me much leeway. If we didn’t clean it soon, he might be privy to throw out the guest Twilight sent us.”

Rainbow’s eyes wandered across the other end of the barn, out to the grazing field where the horses wandered about. It was the tall one she focused on, with bright red fur and a purple mane three-quarters down his sides. Even from here, she could see a faint rage in his face, narrowed eyes that displayed little but hatred for the world around him.

“Isn’t he supposed to be, you know… like us?” Rainbow said. “Twilight said he was a pony like her.”

Applejack shook her head. “Apparently he was acting foolish over in Equestria, so she made him turn into a regular horse to learn his lesson.”

Rainbow shook her head. “Must’ve done something real nasty for Twilight to turn him into that.”

“Let’s just hope we can make him behave. Mr. Stamp won’t like it if he starts bucking or biting the guests.”

Rainbow Dash cupped a fist in her hand. “Luckily for you, I know how to break in the wildest of stallions. How about we wrap up here, then try to whip Mr. Grump out there into shape?”

“Sounds like a plan. Let me get my shovel, and I’ll help you out.” She jogged toward the other end of the barn, looking for the shovel with the bent hilt she always used.

In the grazing field, the dark horse pounded the ground with his hoof. The grass flew up in little whiffs with each blow, the wind catching the blades every few seconds and carrying them to the other side of the field. The rest of the horses stood there, giving their new neighbor space. Even they knew this being was not to be trifled with.

The horse remembered the names and faces of all who wronged him. Those he would need to punish for shoving him here, where the disgusting creatures walking around on two legs expected him to be their chauffeur. He would play along, of course. Pretend he was a good horse who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Wouldn’t even give a playful nip, like he’d seen the other horses do. He’d be the good horse Twilight Sparkle told him he needed to be, instead of sending him to Tartarus or banishing him into a forsaken wasteland.

But she would pay for her mercy. He just needed to bide his time. He would escape when the opportunity arose. He would jump or ram the fence, then trample all the ugly monkeys dancing around him. Then he would go back to Equestria and destroy everypony who ever--

“Mommy, mommy!” one of the strange creatures said, pointing with its minuscule fingers at the dark horse. “Look at that funny horsie!”

“Yes, dear,” the bigger creature said. Her face looked exhausted from just having to look at the dark horse staring back at them. “Horses look funny when they paint them up like that. Maybe that’s why they made him that color. He was probably just a plain old horse in his original skin." She dabbed away her sweat with a handkerchief. "Perhaps he just wasn’t particularly special the way he used to be.”