My Life on a Cassette Tape

I woke up, groaning as I shifted on the unyielding ground. Sitting up, I looked around us. We were in some barren field, not a hint of shrubbery beyond the bush we all were in the shade of and the small tufts of grass that grew around it. The cold chill of evening air was beginning to relent, giving way to the first scorching beams of morning sunlight. Moving a hand to my stomach, my suit and shirt were still roughly intact, though a large wet spot of blood had stained the cloth. Opening up my shirt, I saw a scar. I was healed, despite not knowing how, and for that matter, we were somewhere I couldn't account for.

Shifting up to my feet, I surveyed the surrounding country, seeing nothing much except for the occasional bush or rolling tumbleweed. The barren fields were already beginning to wave in the rising heat of morning, the heat already approaching a number I didn't want to be stuck in. Turning about a I scanned the horizon, I saw a town in the distance. In the very least we could have a place to move to, but in the various states we were in, I wasn't sure if we would be able to just get some water and a meal without more than one pony trying to force us into the hospital with our bloodstained clothes.

I sat back down, looking over the ponies around me. They were all pretty much in the same condition as I was in, with blood staining a portion of their clothes, though due to the dried look of the stains I could only guess that they had been healed just like me, that and I could still see the soft rising and falling of their chests as they breathed. I looked off to the distance, considering our situation. I doubted that the Empire would be so bold as to kill royalty, but then again, they might have decided to move their war to full scale open combat. Maybe they were close to whatever their grand evil scheme was, supposing they had one.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I took it all in. We couldn't count on any help from the Elements, and for that matter, I had no idea if Button was alright, much less the doppelgangers. I had told Button to head over to the castle, but the doppelgangers hadn't been informed, at least not by me. I had no confirmation either way, and no real way to be able to tell who was on my side - the new artifact user made sure of that.

The sound of movement beside me alerted me to the fact that somepony was waking up. Looking over, I saw Raven, once more in her pony form, sitting up beside me.

"You alright?" She asked, moving to sit beside me. I sighed and shook my head.

"We've lost, well and truly lost. Not only did we have to retreat from the restaurant, but also from Twilight's castle." I lifted my knees up and wrapped my arms around them, not sure what to do with myself, the truth of our situation pressing down far more heavily on me. "We let them win. We just... we failed. And now the Empire is in a far better situation than before."

"We did all we could." Raven said soothingly. "But now... now we have to push forward." I sat there in silence, a less than adequate response, I realized, to her attempt at comforting words. "Maybe we could use the artifact to bring them out? We might be able to teleport the Elements of Harmony, the doppelgangers, Starlight, Button, Brass... Button's mom, and anypony else we know isn't the new artifact user."

"No."

"No?" Raven looked at me quizzically. My response had been cold, dark even. I looked at her, not an inch of humor in me anymore.

"We can't extract them unless we know they are good to be removed. I had the recorder fail on me once before, at which point it seems to release most every effect it had in place beforehand." I sighed, closing my eyes. "I had to make sure my mom was going to be alright, but even so... I lost you all last time. And now? If the recorder fails again..."

"The doppelgangers..." Raven said in a whisper of realization. "You... you think they'll merge with their original host again?" I nodded.

"I have no reason to not believe that the more fantastic exertions of the recorder are reset to the old way after the recorder fails. Say we actually are able to get all the ponies over here, what if they are injured? Sure, we could say they are healed, but what if the doctor has done something to them? What if they are missing limbs, or worse? We'd have to try and fix them, at which point, what if the recorder fails? You know what else stops being true?" Raven shook her head slowly.

"Berry's sister goes back under. Her coma starts again. I can't put her through that, not again, not ever." Raven's eyes widened as she understood. "We're... we're treading a fine line, Raven. We have to use the recorder only when it guarantees that it will work and when we know what we want will result in a benefit for us and not more work. If it fails again, if all I've made sure of stops... then we are... we are well and truly fucked."

"You could just reinstate all the items we've lost if it happens." Raven pointed out.

"And then what? What happens when we bring those ponies over, try to heal them, fail, and then try again, and the artifact continues not to work. There are limits to this things power, and I don't know them, and that scares me. I can't risk everything that is already in place." I stated firmly, looking back to her.

"We can at least bring them here. Take those chips out of the Empire's hands. They might be injured, they might have been effected by the doctor, but I think they'd still appreciate not being hounded by the doctor every waking moment." I sat there in quiet contemplation. She was right, and I knew it, but I also knew having the Elements here would be bringing an active reminder of my failures right to me. Ponies who would need help that I couldn't provide right there beside me where I could help them if only I was able. But then again, I desperately needed ponies around me who were smart and capable of helping me formulate a plan of attack. I needed to act, but I was paralyzed by my own fear and doubt.

Seeing me like this, Raven put a hand on my shoulder, leaning in close. "I love you, Cress." She said softly. "You aren't a bad pony, you just have to remember that. Bad, or poor, choices do not make you a villain. They make you you. You have to accept who you are, and move forward - fixing what you can and knowing what faults remain."

"What if I keep on failing... what if I never do better?" I lamented, looking off to the distance, the wide open fields sprawling out before us.

"Then you get back up and try again. Failing isn't, or at least doesn't have to be, an end state. It's a new start to build from, you just have to take a chance on it." Raven said in her calming ways. I still looked off to the wide yonder, staring at it as if it would give me the answers I was looking for. Raven leaned against me, snuggling her head against my shoulder. "Don't worry, if you fall to the darker desires, I'll be there to bring you back to your center - no matter what." I smiled at that, leaning my head on hers.

"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes once more, basking in her comforting presence. "I love you, Raven. No matter what form you prefer, I still love you." Raven purred at that. We had a chance at this, and I wasn't going to blow it. Not now, not ever.