My Life on a Cassette Tape

I slowly opened the door and peaked around, trying to figure where I was. Unfortunately I didn't really recognize any of the house, it was all just... unfamiliar. What was worse was that the hallway into which I emerged had no family pictures. What self-respecting hallway in a family house in Equestria didn't have a plethora of family photos plastered across the walls? This one apparently. It didn't help that it happened to have a nice sepia-tone picture of Canterlot, it was honestly just another nugget of confusion on top of a pile of convoluted confusing factors. Maybe the resident was a photographer?

Checking my pockets, I realized I didn't have the recorder. I already knew Double had had the pendant, meaning there was no need to check for that, so in other words I was stripped of any powers I might've had to defend myself with. This was in no way disconcerting, nope, not at all. Moving out of the hall cautiously, I relaxed as I began to hear the voices from further down.

"I think they wanted us free." Twilight's voice said. Well perhaps it was just the sound of the particular voices independent from their content the gave me ease. "If they really wanted us trapped, they would've made sure I didn't have a horn; and yet I got to keep mine, which allowed us to restore our limbs, mitigating any advantage having us without part of our bodies might've given them. The only reason I didn't try to escape with my magic was because they had that one artifact user pulling our strings."

"It does feel weird." Double admitted as he gave it a moment of thought. "Sure we might've won the battle, but that might've been their objective in some way. It might've been a way to make sure they know what they're up against. I doubt they put everything they could've against us unless this 'Empire' is actually just a reading club with five members."

"I highly doubt it is so small all things considered." Twilight said in a pensive tone. "Honestly, I get the feeling that it is far more expansive than we might wish, and yet still small enough that it can be effectively controlled by their 'Emperor'."

"Here's hoping we can actually beat the guy when we meet him. I have a feeling that confrontation won't be a pretty one." By this point I finally turned the corner into the living room. Double turned, hearing my footsteps, and gave me a smirk. "Well look who it is, our little monster slayer!" I gave him a chuckle, scratching the back of my head.

"Despite the fact I'm generally against killing, I can concede that ending the Doctor was a necessity." Twilight said plainly. "That being said, thank you for how hard you fought. You might've died, and that fact alone would've scared most ponies off."

"Hey, no need to thank me, I was just doing my part to make sure you all had the best chance at escape." I deflected, taking a position on the sofa that Double was on. "By the way, whose place are we in?"

"That would be mine." I turned and saw Button entering from the small kitchen area with a nice plate of cookies. "I lived the closest so it was fairly easy to convince everypony to bring you and the rest of the ponies over here."

"We managed to make it over here without anypony noticing thanks to me being able to teleport us over here." Twilight added. "I might've been winded from the casting and recasting of the spell to undo what the Doctor had done to us, but teleporting from the castle to the alley beside Button's house was a fairly trivial matter. Even Rarity, despite her lack of specialist knowledge, might've been able to pull it off if she wasn't still trying to mentally recover."

"I suppose everypony is elsewhere in this house?" I asked, looking over to Button.

"Yup, currently being tended to by my mom. She insisted to put them up in the master bedroom after she got a rather abbreviated description of the events. A VERY abbreviated description. She basically just knows they've been through something abnormally traumatic and need a bit of help and time to rest. Knowing her, she might be trying to figure out how to give each of them a bubble bath. Too bad the master bath isn't the deluxe model she had had her eye on or else she might've managed to only have one round of water poured." Button replied, setting down the cookies.

"Good to hear they are all being taken care of." I said with a nod, grabbing a cookie to chew on as I thought. It was pretty tasty, and nice and warm - if only I had a glass of milk. Considering what I had gone through, drinking some good old calcium juice might be just what I needed. Oddly enough, it was this point that I realized I wasn't in life ending pain or suffering from the various broken bones I was certain I had had. I guess I was just slow on the uptake after that nightmare, the echoes of which still lingered in the corners of my mind.

"So... who healed me?" I asked, looking around the group.

"That was me." Double piped up, producing the recorder and ear piece from his pocket, passing them over to me. "After Twilight got us out of the castle I turned on the recorder and pronounced you healed. Almost pronounced a few ponies husband and wife, but I was just able to restrain my inner shipping tendencies despite the ultimate power I had at my disposal."

"Yeah, I... wait what?" That last bit hit me like a truck, but then he just started laughing. Right, Double... yeah, that was a joke right up his alley. "Anyway..." I looked towards Twilight, gears clicking about in my head as I started to think as hard as I could. "We need to take it to em." I said simply, catching most of the ponies off guard. Well... one and a half - Double being completely unsurprised and Twilight looking only half surprised by my sudden pronouncement.

"Pardon?" Button asked, looking over at me from a rocking chair.

"We've been doing nothing but rolling with the punches the Empire has been throwing at us. Admittedly, we have been doing our best to be as proactive as we might be considering our circumstances; with Twilight investigating the artifact and the rest of us just keeping our eyes open as plans were being worked on, but it's time to actually act." I said with as serious a tone as I could muster. "Up to now we've let the Empire take initiative and catch us off guard. If we intend to actually end it, it's time to take the fight to them. We need to step up to the pitcher's mound and throw some curve balls instead of trying to deal with the ones they throw at us."

"I'm all ears for a good plan to pull one over on the Empire, I just don't see how we can be as proactive as we might like to be. We've got none of the resources that they have against us. They obviously have some sort of intelligence gathering operation going on, and we got only what we've been able to observe." Double pointed out. "So to be blunt, any plan we do make needs to start with a means of gathering intel on our enemy before anything else, otherwise we're marching in blind and risk victory being as inconsistent as a coin toss."

"Fair, but honestly, we do have a decent amount of coincidental intel, not to mention," I tapped the side of my head, "I might still have some surprises from the intelligence I inherited from Brass and Gunther. The problem with most of the information I have locked up in here is that I have to know what I'm trying to recall, otherwise I'm grasping at straws."

"Maybe start with what exact powers they have on us yet." Twilight said, leaning forward. "I doubt we'll get much of anything, but even the slightest bit of forewarning helps us immensely." I nodded slowly.

"Alright, guess I can start there. Do be thinking of other questions while I try and recall. The more questions I can search for answers for, the better." I said. I took a deep breath in, steadying myself, and then closed my eyes. I tried casting my mind back to any knowledge I might have, anything the might be stowed away under innumerable layers of chaff about the random quirks of the lives of the two persons I had information from.

After a few moments of trying to search both new minds at the same time, I instead focused on Brass, hoping the pony who seemed more competent was also the one in charge, or at least who had more authority and perhaps clearance. I dug deep, scrunching my brow in effort as I searched for information on other artifact users, the process of thinking showing itself as hard as trying to remember a song's title when you can only recall half of the chorus' riff.

Just like that song though, something suddenly came to me in a rush, the information hitting me like a train, sending me into something of a trance as I let the memory flow over me.

"And you honestly expect we're going to just hand over something that is essentially a sword to what is basically a toddler?" Brass' voice asked accusatory, staring down a significantly smaller stallion. "You do realize that we first need to trust you aren't out for your own interests - which we haven't in your case - and then we have to vet your particular competencies." I was inside of Brass it seemed, seeing from her eyes, aware of what she was feeling in broad strokes. The memory made a distinct note that I... Brass - hated this stallion. He was a pain, he was short, he was weak, and he was... sexy? Heck?! Stupid memories making me gay!

"I'm just asking if you think if there's a chance I might get the artifact? I heard Baron Lucky Heart got axed and so his old piece is now kind of open for the taking." He asked in his squirrely voice that made Brass, and by extension me, only more angry. It didn't help that she had been friends with said Baron that this stupid, sexy pony was trying to replace. Sure, somepony would have to, but it shouldn't be this pony!

"First off, it's 'Blotted Out'; second off, you are in no way qualified!" Brass desperately wanted him to be qualified. An odd thought, even to Brass, crossed her mind - and so it crossed mine like a chicken meandering across a road - that if he got the artifact he might show her up. He might use it to take advantage of her, make her his occasional cum dumpster. It was one of the Aligned, and that made her particularly weak to its affects. He might have her whenever he wanted if he got it.

"Ok, terminology isn't everything. Axed, blotted out, who cares? All means the same."

"His talisman fired off accidentally when a nearby magical anomaly gave a false trigger signal. He shouldn't have been blotted out! And now you're here asking to take it from his nonexistent corpse!" It was bitter irony that that was how Lucky had gone - especially since he was the one who had initially came up with the idea of the talismans after the last time an artifact had a stroke and died without being able to return their charge. That was a fiasco and a half!

"Yeah, but in the end he's gone and the Ponyville Barony is now open for a new Baron, whether or not he was meant to die or not." Brass hated him for many reasons. One, he was callus, and two, he was sexy when he was callus. Something about his bearing made her desire him, it might have to do with the fact he was a changeling. She just wanted him to drop the formalities long enough to turn her around, force her against a wall and fuck her hard. She wouldn't even yell. She'd act angry, but she'd love it - she knew she would.

"Look, it isn't my choice one way or the other. Now buzz off or I'll try my hardest to ensure that you won't get it."

"That will be unnecessary." A deep booming voice resonated behind her, startling me enough that I broke out of the memory accidentally - either that or I was ejected. It wasn't as if I could exactly tell, but either way, I felt myself slipping away from the memory, falling back into the chair in Button's house.

I blinked a few times, clearing my vision as I processed what I had just gotten hold of. It was odd how the memory felt so alien to me - especially the emotional reactions of Brass - and yet how familiar it all seemed. I cast my mind back to it, but the memory felt hazier for some reason, as if the fact it no longer involved the changeling so intimately made the memory that less vivid. The... Justiciar... he had told us that the artifact was already being given to a new Baron, a griffon Brass had had little interaction with prior to that point. I thought on that for a while, and then tried to press more memories of the changeling. Of all the villains on the Empire's side, he certainly had an ability to be the most sinister even without an artifact. He had powers inherent to all changelings, and that made him a difficulty, not to mention his hole filled appearance made it obvious that he was a nonconverted changeling - all the more dangerous all things considered.

He... eventually did get an artifact it seemed, but Brass slowly lost touch with him, having to attend to more duties shortly thereafter when she received her promotion to Inquisitor. These terms were getting on my nerves, there were far too many for my taste, and even fewer explanations; such as why Brass felt herself more in danger from an 'Aligned' artifact. I dug as deep as I could, but no answers came.

I huffed finally, giving up my search, feeling only a tad more lost. "Nothing. Well... no concrete answers. Either she kept that knowledge to herself, or she never had it to begin with."

"Who kept what knowledge?" I opened my eyes to find the mare in question standing behind Button's chair, wrapping her arms around him from behind. Talk about convenient timing.

"You actually. I was trying to find out more about what artifacts had what power and who had what artifacts." I said, hoping beyond all hope that she might just spill all the beans at once right before me.

"Sorry, never knew that junk unless it was. like, mission criti.... crit... unless it was important to the mission." She replied. I wasn't sure how good of a read I had on exactly how intelligent she actually was, she honestly could be feigning ignorance - not to mention I'd think 'critical' wouldn't be a hard word to come up with.

"So you were only told when you were hunting down somepony?" I confirmed, trying to gauge her responses. She gave a simple nod.

"I can tell you there's an artifact that removes memories. Pretty nasty really. Used on me PLENTY of times. That's how I never remembered who had what artifacts and what they did." She said, looking a bit peeved at the memory. "I barely was told what all Baronies existed. Most Barons only get told who their immediate neighbors are."

"And... you can recall all of this?" I asked stupidly. Obviously she could, but how was more to the point in this case.

"Oh yeah! Before you took a straw to my noggin I didn't want you getting certain pieces of info. Guess old me forgot to keep the reasons for wanting to keep them secret, might've helped me not tell you if she really didn't want me to."

"You... dissociate from your past self?"

"Mhm. Completely different pony back then... or maybe just a tad more up tight. I was a total slut then too, I just didn't want to show it. Got in the way, you know? But you sucked that out of me like a good blowjob too, so really, being able to obey Button here is more liberating than anything!" She said in a chipper tone. I was having a harder and harder time reading her.

"Right... so, lacking the reasons to hold this back, why didn't you just tell us. Wait, let me guess, we never asked?" I ventured. She gave me a dopey smile and a nod.

"Yup!" She was far too chipper for this. "I didn't know you wanted to know so I didn't let you know until you let me know you wanted to know what I know; you know?" I facepalmed. I really needed to get in the habit of running questions by this and basically any other pony before I went and fried my brain trying to dig up the answers to life's questions.

"Alright... why are 'aligned' artifacts more dangerous to you?" She paused at that one for a bit, looking at the ceiling as she tried to recall.

"Well... my chalice was an aligned, so if somepony else had an aligned they could nail me, just like they could nail any other pony with an aligned." She explained, only creating new and fascinating questions to my roster of asks.

"So... aligned artifacts can affect each other?"

"Oh yeah, aligned are the only ones that can. They can touch up all over other aligned artifacts if they fire first, but can't poke the unaligned. Unaligned can affect each other, but not the aligned. Oh! Also, aligned are nine times out of ten stronger that unaligned. Unaligned artifacts are like swords while the aligned are more like cannons!" I wasn't sure how I felt about that analogy, but it did paint an effective picture.

"Is... is my artifact aligned?" I asked, the question burning a hole in me. I was dying to know I might have some 'in' against the Emperor.

"I mean, as far as we could tell, yeah. I never was told what artifact you had, but we guessed it was aligned since you couldn't affect Silver when you met and he couldn't affect you, meaning you two are on opposite lines of the divide. We know his is unaligned, but that doesn't necessarily mean yours is aligned. Just means it isn't unaligned." She explained. "Could just be different. Or maybe it just wasn't strong enough, or you were too hyper specific with your commands and so didn't catch Silver in your net. I dunno." She truly was sending mixed signals. 'Critical' was certainly less complex a word than the combo of 'hyper specific'. I didn't like it.

"And you were using an aligned artifact?"

"Yep, same with Gunther. Kinda why we have some pretty over powered shit. I mean, time stopping and brain drain? Pretty tough to beat those!" She scoffed, I just raised an eyebrow, an absentminded hand on the recorder. "But yeah, you got some good stuff now since... like, ninety-five percent or so of the artifacts are unaligned."

"Alright..." I thought on that for a bit. That did give me some opportunities. I just had to be careful. So long as I could not get caught in the reach of one of these aligned, I'd be safe. I could be fairly certain too that the puppeteer, whoever he or she was, likely had an unaligned artifact seeing as they didn't make me dance over to hand off the recorder. That would've been substantially easier for them I was sure.

"Well, time to start setting up some plans." I said with a sigh. "We might not have all the info we might want, but I'd say we got enough for now, at least enough to start something of a plan on." This was going to be interesting, that much was for sure.