Author's Note

Remember how I said I wrote and rewrote the chapter about three times in that one update? We can now up that number to somewhere in the neighborhood of seven... yup, rewrote it some more after making that blog post. Frik me, ey? Thought I had it sorted but then I was like

So yeah, the whole 'I didn't know I was going this direction' I said doesn't quite apply as much as it might have. At least in this chapter. To be fair, I've had my opinions reshaped by bingeing the story all over again - essentially making me go: 'oh yeah, the original plan was basically what I want, frik the new plan. Just got tidy up over here and here...'

I've had basically what amounts to the opposite of writer's block recently... so yeah. Y'all get to suffer the wrath of my creative juices.

Splice 21: Diplomacy

"Once again, there's the matter of the Dragon Lands. The volcano is becoming all the more active, and though this poses no immediate danger to them - as is well established at this point - its eruption could be cataclysmic for every sentient race, eventually trailing back to them in the fullness of time." The diplomat pony said, reading off a paper before her. "Other nations have dispatched diplomatic ministers to try reasoning with their Dragon Lord - or any other dragons that might have sway - and so far it has been to little effect. Any updates from our diplomatic dispatch to them, your Highness?"

"Yes, actually." Celestia said in her motherly tone, levitating a scroll over to the pony. "Spike sent this letter to me just before the meeting. As you'll see, we have some good news to share with the world as the Dragon Lord Ember has decided to heed our words - or more specifically Spike's - and has taken actions towards the mitigation of the danger." The assembled mass of diplomats all nodded, some giving a short bout of applause at the news.

"It is to be understood," Luna said, from her place beside her sister, "that the dragons, despite certain rumors, are wholly unable to prevent an eruption - a fact we all bore in mind during these proceedings." The faces of those before her gave a mixture of responses, ranging from those who felt that was obvious to those who jotted down the news. "They are, however, due to their innate magical resistance to the immense heat, our best hope towards the lessening of damage to us all."

"Indeed." Celestia confirmed, looking over the assembly. "Equestria is gladdened by their willingness to help in this matter, and shall, as always, provide all assistance we are able - including financial backing for the draconic efforts in this matter. An attaché of the EUP Engineer Corps will be dispatched as well to assist in any way they are able."

Luna nodded to this, looking over the diplomats, doing her best to ignore the flashes from the press segment of the room. These special court days were the worst. Not only were they asked to solve new problems, but they also had to give account on the old problems. True, the whole dragon volcano situation was dire news and had only just begun to be solved, but even so it felt absolutely inane that they had to go over everything like this.

"With that, the day's business is tended to." Celestia said. Luna put her all into not letting an exasperated sigh out as the whole thing finally came to a close. "Thank you all for coming. Do enjoy the rest of your time in the palace. My sister and I shall be out to talk in the lounge in fifteen minutes for any questions you might have." There was that, but it was far better than the sitting on the throne for four hours listening to trifles she had already known about being publicly solved. The 'modern' world was a headache, and Luna couldn't wait to return to simply tending the nighttime again.

The two sisters retired for a short breather as the press snapped pictures of their descent from the dais to the side room. As soon as the door closed, Luna threw herself ungracefully onto a beanbag chair, letting out a low groan. If only she had the ability to silence all concerns with a bout of the RCV, but that had fallen out of fashion at some point. Celestia's motherly side no doubt to blame.

"Today was quite trying, I'll admit." Celestia said, taking a sip from a cup of tea - where she had gotten it beyond Luna's realm of care. "Though then again, it certainly beats when we had the Buffalo Concern."

"I do not suppose that there would be any way that I might be excused from the proceedings?" Luna asked, looking over at her sister who still seemed the absolute pinnacle of reserved calm. The older mare just gave her a smile and a shake of the head. "I thought not."

"I'd hate to think what the press would write if you were not out there with me. They're quite voracious." Celestia was right of course. Luna sighed, shaking her head as she closed her eyes.

"The fourth estate is just a pack of wolves the learned to read and write..." Luna muttered as she popped her neck. She needed as massage, something to release the stress that was building up, but that would take far more than the fifteen minutes Celestia had allotted for them to decompress before heading right back out into the fray.

"You think this is bad?" A voice asked from the room. The body it belonged to became apparent as one of the ferns turned around, Discord's displeased mug blooming out like a sunflower. "I've been stuck here without a whiff of good chaos!" The flower wilted, his face sagging into old age as it did, a deep frown forming on his features. "I had to skip tea time with Fluttershy because of this and I haven't even gotten anything in return beyond not disappointing her."

"We're very thankful that you have followed our wishes." Celestia said, her tone ever calm and collected. "Trust me, these past few days where you've shown the ponies of Canterlot exactly how helpful a tad bit of controlled chaos can be has been much for the better. When you go back to Ponyville tomorrow, you'll be going back not as the uncertain menace but as a creature that all can trust as much as any other pony."

"So going from not at all trusted to trusted at arms length. Splendid" Discord huffed, popping out of the flower form, simply floating in a lounging position, his mismatched three piece suit acting as if it was submerged under water as it floundered about his levitating form. "Honestly, Sunny, I'm doing this for Fluttershy. You better send your student a print of some positive press so she can show her friends. I deserve FULL marks."

"Indeed you do, Discord." Celestia said like a teacher confirming a student had earned a gold star. "I'll be sure to send Princess Twilight the first newspaper that speaks fondly of your time here in the capitol."

"Good." Discord huffed, poofing out of existence momentarily. Luna didn't even look up when the flash of his reappearance sparkled through the room, not even when it was accompanied with a distinct increase of weight in her posterior. Celestia simply raised an eyebrow at the draconequus as he sat on Luna's butt, his legs crossed.

"You ever think we should have retired when we had a chance?" Luna asked, looking over to Celestia. Celestia stifled a chuckle, setting down her cup.

"Yes, though I do feel that that time is still something that will happen for us." She said, finally taking a seat on a wicker chair. Even the mundane chair seemed to ascend into a throne when the sun princess sat down. "Matters of state need to be relatively calm before I think we can truly leave our posts. I want Twilight to have as smooth of a transition into office as possible."

"You expect them to stop inventing problems for us, sister?" Luna asked, cocking an eyebrow. "I would have thought you had enough experience with these ponies to know their problems are never ending."

"I mean to not leave Twilight with the volcano on the brink of causing international catastrophe. The minor day to day issues are something she can deal with with ease, I have no doubt. I rather not thrust her into a position where she has to solve a crisis that I've left for her. Give her at least a day to not worry about international diplomacy in the very least." Celestia explained. Luna sighed, knowing full well neither of them were getting younger. Alicorns showed aging the slowest of all races outwardly, but it certainly did not mean the joints weren't as youthful as they once were. Bodies wore down, even celestial ones. Every star, no matter how long they last, eventually blink out of the night sky.

A knock echoed out from one of the doors leading into the room, the pattern used that of a guard. Luna groaned as she pushed herself up, Discord getting catapulted comically away, bouncing around the walls like a pinball before disappearing into a vase.

"You may enter." Celestia said, ever gracious. The door opened, admitting a guard who quickly closed it behind him. Giving a short bow to the sisters, he presented a scroll to them.

"Emergency dispatch from Ponyville, your Majesty." He said with as much calm in his voice as could be managed. Celestia raised an eyebrow and lit her horn, taking the scroll in her magic. "Apparently an... unprecedented disturbance has taken the streets. We have ponies en route to look into it, but the regional commander has said there may be necessity of your direct intervention. We don't know exactly what we're looking at."

"A townwide orgy..." Celestia mused, the words sounding odd in her voice. She looked at the guard pony with mingled concern and growing dismissal, though the latter bit was something only Luna could've picked up on. Some times even the most skilled readers of ponies couldn't best the powers of siblings.

"It's a tad more involved than just mass public indecency, your Majesties." The guard said plainly. "As detailed in the report the guards took part."

"Guards are ponies." Luna pointed out. "Lust is the main constant between all races."

"They reported that once awakening the next day they found themselves with a clarity concerning the events." The guard pressed on despite the words of his diarch. "It was beyond the simple postcoital regrets. The ponies reported that in the lead up to the event and during the event, the ponies did not see their actions as any different than talking. The concept of the... taboo of public sexual intercourse - disregarding the topic of its clear illegality - was simply not something they could comprehend, as if the idea of the taboo was removed from them until they woke up the next morning."

Luna's eyebrow raised at this. The march of time had not deprived her of her... biological urges. She still very much was... well, a biologically functioning mare in all respects as far as could be ascertained with most medical tests. This news was interesting to her to be sure. She bet that Celestia probably had no such reaction. Her image as the pure princess was one she wouldn't let get tarnished, no matter how much she might've wanted it for her own sake.

"We believe," the guard went on, "Though evidence is currently a tad scant, that a memetic or magical hazard has struck the town. We are looking into it as best as we are possible."

"And the fact that we are by-and-large, a tad bit beyond the means of most natural phenomena means our special touch might be needed." Celestia provided. The guard nodded. "Has this been kept out of the public ear?"

"Yes, Ma'am, the report falls under the Public Secrets Act of Nine Hundred and Seven. The commander made sure that it was immediately sealed. The only trains going in and out of Ponyville for the foreseeable future will be our official vehicles. Transit has been diverted on rail, and coach companies have been given their alibies. Ponies can still walk of course, and those with Arcano-Wagons are still able to transit to and from Ponyville, but the from traffic is essentially nonexistent so far. Most ponies seem to have found their forgotten shame and have hidden themselves away inside for the moment."

"What do you think, sister? Are we making arrangements for a... rapid diplomatic response team?" Luna asked with a minor smirk, failing to hide that much.

"I think the letter from Spike that we just received is most certain worrying and that we should attend to it posthaste." Celestia confirmed, looking to the guard. "Relay that to the ponies in the lounge. We are leaving immediately and shan't be as available for the meet and greet as we had thought initially."

"As you wish." The guard said, giving another bow before walking out the chamber.

"Thank ME! We get to avoid them this time!" Celestia laughed. Luna couldn't help a chuckle at her sister. "Let's get ready quickly before they get a chance to try and peg us down." Luna nodded, quickly teleporting away to her room. A good old fashioned 'Ponyville Problem' was just the distraction she needed.