Pony For Christmas (The Ballad of Pinkie Pie)
By: BrookwoodBronco
Edited by: HappyJackal
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this work and all “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” characters belong to Hasbro.
Twas the night before Christmas, and I was away
With no means of getting back home to G.A.
My poor ma and pop, with the money they stored,
Put me through college with all they could afford
I called them on the phone, and regretfully I said,
“I’m going to have to stay up at college instead.”
I choked back my tears as my parents cried and sobbed;
I could not shake the feeling that I had been robbed.
Powering through it, I asked for my brother;
Who I truly am going to miss like no other.
He got on the line and in a voice quite bright,
Said that our whole family was over for the night.
Grief turned to anger as he described all the fun:
Tossing around the baseball in the southern sun,
Mother was baking her famous apple tarts,
Planning to tell jokes before the football game starts.
I breathed a sigh, staying calm and composed
And asked if there was any present he had proposed.
Without hesitation, he said something tragic,
“I want My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic-!”
With that, I threw the phone on the ground
But with care, dare not make another sound
So not to alert any who may be around
For I could find no explanation!
Young teenage boys should be into sport
I know I was! Of every sort!
So where did my brother end up short
In the testosterone department!
…But these ponies, they were everywhere!
As my roommate was too willing to share
It seems he had been caught in the snare
Of this ponification take over!
The Internet was swarming with this trash!
Boys would do better out smoking hash!
All those bronies should die in a car crash,
And save us from this filth!
I slumped on my couch and cooled down for a bit
I stared at the TV, which made the room dimly lit.
I loved my brother, and that was the case
Even though I think he’s a total disgrace.
But I was the only one he would divulge.
And to my disgust, I still would indulge
In the fanfiction and videos he held at high regard
Knowing full well that he and I would be scarred
Though deep down inside, in the depths of my heart,
I wondered if friendship could ever jump-start
This life filled with stress, with pain, and with sorrow
And make me joyous for a solitary tomorrow.
But alas, my friends have gone to their houses
To share Christmas with siblings, parents, and spouses.
I was thankful for being able to stay at my dorm
To be in the place that was, at least, cozy and warm.
Peering out into the winter sky
I spotted a shooting star fly by
And in desperation, I had to cry
“I want a friend this Christmas!”
I shut my eyes and counted to three
Spun around and hoped desperately
But when I opened my eyes, I found no one
And cursed Father Christmas for what he had done.
I sat back down in defeated disgust
But I knew magic, I could not trust
Be it Santa or witchcraft or even ponies
They all represented deceitful phonies
They build up your dreams, and in one fell swoop
Your parents decide to put you in the loop,
And confess that it had all been a sham.
For the butt of their stories, I had been the lamb
As science has taught us, magic isn’t real.
It isn’t physically possible for Santa to steal
Into your home. This is the truth;
I was a patsy of my fanciful youth.
And as A Christmas Carol came to a close,
I found myself wanting to stay there and doze;
For I had a heater placed at my feet,
My blanket was warm, and I had cookies to eat.
The dim light from the TV began to fade;
My eyelids created a welcoming shade.
And as sleep took me, I imagined my brother state,
“I want Ponies for Christmas! Now THAT would be great!!”
The light from the window forced me awake;
Sleeping upright really makes your back ache.
And as I stood up to stretch my back and arm
I jumped onto the couch and screamed in alarm
A creature was lying on top of a bag
And tied to its arm was a tiny tag:
‘From: Santa, To: Santa’s favorite Brony’
And attached to it was a little pink pony!
The beast snored softly as I mulled over in my head,
“Am I dreaming this? Am I high, or am I just dead?”
I pinched my cheek and felt every nerve.
This reality was the truth I am to observe!
Looking at my cell, I saw it was nine
And peered back at the tiny equine.
I went to the bathroom and washed my face
Dried it off and I stared into space.
This could not possibly happen, there is no way!
Have all my teachers been leading me astray?
Stay cool, collected, keep my sanity at bay,
As I find what to do with this horse!
I charged into the room and with raw determination
I demanded the pony give me an explanation
Then I realized she probably cannot speak
‘cause even I would think that she is a freak.
I braced myself as I saw her rise,
Yawn a little, and open her eyes.
She looked around with slight confusion
As I tried to make sense of this delusion.
Turning her head, she looked high and low
And found that she had nowhere to go.
So instead she turned and asked of me
Only one question, “Where are we?”
She had a small stature; she came up to my waist
Hands down, the strangest thing I’ve ever faced.
Now that I knew that she could talk
Nothing more could give me shock.
I rubbed my eyes at this puzzling sight
I quickly told her that it was alright,
For she began to bounce all over the place
And into my room, so I gave chase.
I tried to scoop her up with one arm
So that she could not cause any harm.
To my surprise, she weighed a ton
And wailed, “Hey! I was having fun!”
I shushed her quietly and put her down.
She turned to me with a tiny, cute frown
And said, “In Ponyville, I play all day.
What’s your problem anyway?”
I explained to her that she could not play
And knocking over my things was NOT okay.
“This is my home, and I know it is quite cramped,
But please be a dear and LET GO OF MY LAMP.”
She dropped it and with a sincere look
Said she was sorry for being a crook
And although My Little Pony made me cringe
Her eyes still made my strong heart twinge
I wasn’t stupid for I knew who she was
And my roommate, he most certainly does.
There was one truth, and this was no lie
“You’re a gift for my friend; your name’s Pinkie Pie.”
She happily agreed, then with a quizzical stare
Asked how I knew the name of this mare
I said, “My roommate. He is a big fan,
And loves you like no other man can.
If he were here, he’d probably croak
From a cuteness induced, overload stroke!”
I chuckled a little, but her expression turned grim
“For his protection, I’d better not meet him.”
With that, I busted out in hearty mirth
Wondering why a pony not from Earth
Would care about anyone but themselves
… Then quickly dragged her off my shelves.
I placed her firmly on my couch
As she accused me of being a grouch
I said, “You certainly are one curious creature.
So hows about you sit there and I’ll be your teacher.
You can ask me anything about this place,
While only sitting in that one space.
And I will try to do my best to construe
Any possible questions from you.”
This turned out to be a grave mistake
For her curiosity had no brake
And after an hour, I told her to cease
Before the number of her questions had increased
I laid on the rug as she trotted toward me
And asked, “When’s food? I’m really hungry!”
I grabbed my stomach, eagerly complied,
And walked to the kitchen with her by my side.
“Sorry, but I don’t have any apples or hay.
Tell you the truth, I was gonna eat out today.”
She said, “Well then, what are we waiting for?”
And started pushing me toward the nearest door.
I skidded to a halt and told her, “That’s the closet.
And any plans on leaving, you’re gonna have to pause it.”
She asked me why, and I said, “Isn’t it clear?
You’re a pink talking pony in a world of humans, my dear.”
“Why should that stop us?” she said with a grin.
This is the weirdest argument I’ve ever been in
I thought for a moment while trying to stall
And said, “Humans are afraid of the unnatural,
Be it aliens, or magic, or even an unusual fad
People will discourage the practice of what they think is bad.”
But as I looked at Pinkie, I remembered my views
And realized the hypocrisy of what I will choose
My options are simple: stay here with her,
Or go outside in the cold weather
No matter what happens, I’ll have to accept
That I’ll be going against the philosophy I’ve kept
That My Little Pony was for little girls only
… But today, I certainly am really lonely.
I’ve never been one to care about what others think
So I would be fine seen with a pony that’s pink.
Meanwhile Pinkie Pie patiently waited
With a knowing smile; she knew what I debated
And finally I let out an exasperated sigh
Braving the world with her is what I’ll have to try
She beamed with delight as I put on my cap,
Threw on my coat, and tied my boot straps.
We were about to head out when I stopped at the door
I turned around and tossed my scarf on the floor
“So what is this for? How does this work?”
I rolled my eyes as she gave a small smirk.
I picked up the scarf, and wrapped her neck
“So, you don’t become a shivering wreck.”
I talked of how here, weather was capricious
How the cold of the winter made humans contagious.
She said that in Ponyville there is sickness too
Like Cutie Pox, Scaldra, and Equine Flu.
As we neared the town on our short, little walk
I had Pinkie Pie promise me she wouldn’t talk
“That’s impossible! Talking is what I do!
But I guess I can just keep the conversation to you…”
Nevertheless, when we arrived at town
I could do nothing but keep my head down
As people pointed, whispered, and muttered.
“What a strange dog,” someone had uttered.
Pinkie Pie smiled and bounced all around
As I glared at the man who had made that sound
“Pinkie, lets hurry up to the Micky D’s
Before somebody else looks and sees.”
We entered the restaurant and to my surprise
The place was empty expect for a couple of guys.
I went over to the counter and ordered some food.
They asked me about Pinkie, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Suddenly Pinkie Pie shouted, “I wanna shake!”
The sound of her voice made my heart quake.
I turned to Pinkie and gave her a look
It seemed my gaze was all that it took.
Luckily the cashier was preoccupied
“I would like a shake as well,” I easily lied.
After a few minutes, they gave me my order
And the mare and I sat at the outermost border.
Pinkie Pie pouted in the booth across
I felt bad so I gave the shake a toss.
She caught it nimbly with her nose
And used the straw just like a hose.
She sucked it dry in ten seconds flat
And said, “Done!... You gonna finish that?”
Before I could speak, she devoured my meal
And ten seconds later, I had nothing to steal.
I groaned as she finished the last of my fries
And I threw a couple napkins which covered her eyes.
“Man, you’re one messy eater. Clean up your face.
You got MY breakfast all over the place.”
She wiped her face off and gave me a smile
But at that point, it was nothing but vile
I got out of the booth in unmitigated disgust
“I’m leaving this place. Follow me if you must.”
I hurried out the door. I didn’t care.
I’d rather be anywhere than near that mare
Her detestable nature is more than I can bear
I gotta get away from that pony!
But suddenly, I found, my feet would not budge.
Something in my heart was giving me a nudge
Back to where I had left Pinkie Pie
I closed my eyes and asked myself, “…Why?”
If this were anyone else, there’d be nothing wrong
I would run back to my dorm, that’s where I belong.
So why does my fickle heart seem to long
To be near that pony?!
I glanced behind me, and to my surprise
My gaze locked onto Pinkie’s sad eyes.
Her hair had fallen, her expression: despairing
As a pedestrian bumped into her without caring.
I found myself running back to her side
And wiping away tears that she had cried
She smiled weakly and to me she said,
“If you had abandoned me, I’d probably be dead.
In this world of unacceptance, I wouldn’t stand a chance!
I wouldn’t be able to sing, to play, or to dance!”
I stood up in front of her, and placed a hand on my chest
I pledged, “For the safety of Pinkie Pie, I will take no rest!”
She started to giggle, and I to chuckle
As her hoof hit upon my knuckle
Right then and there, a pact had been made:
We were to be friends forever and always.
I’ll have to say, this Christmas was grand
As we huddled by the concession stand.
I ordered two cups of hot chocolate to go
While Pinkie Pie stood in line for the show.
I got her a straw and hurried to the spot
And handed the drink to her piping hot.
She accepted it with an adorable grin,
And sucked at the chocolate elixir within.
Suddenly, before I could blink
She spat out all of the sizzling drink;
Jumped up and down, her face was scrunched up,
And in a tizzy accidentally tipped over the cup.
The people around us quickly shuffled aside
As I pulled out my ‘kerchief and quickly applied
It to my jeans, and to her I told,
“That drink, most certainly, is NOT cold.”
I really didn’t care, and apologized to the crowd
Whose whispering started to become quite loud.
I understood that Pinkie was kind of a klutz
But she was a friend I always could trust.
I bought her some ice and a big candy stack
As she found us two seats, second row from the back
And while we sat and watched The Nativity Story
I told her how Christmas was to give God the glory.
“Nowadays, though, it’s the season of giving
When friends and family leave where they’re living
And come to visit, bringing laughter and cheer.”
I shrugged and added, “But only once a year.”
She turned to me and said, “That is a shame,
But lucky for you humans Pinkie Pie came.
I’m the queen of fiesta! The princess of party!”
I smirked and said, “Oh, don’t get me started.”
I decided that after we finished the play
I’d show her around the town where I stay.
The first thing I did was get her a Santa hat and sweater
So she could handle our chilly winter better.
We went to the toy store to check out their stock.
And as we walked in, Pinkie inhaled in shock.
“So many toys... could this be true?!”
And immediately bolted right out of my view.
The place was decked with holiday gear
Toy cars, toy trains, and toy reindeer.
As Pinkie Pie messed with every toy in the shop
I stifled a snicker when the manager yelled, “Stop!”
It didn’t take long before they gave us the boot
So I led Pinkie down to the subway commute.
We traveled the city; I showed her it all
The fudgeries , the carollers, and even the mall.
She got the cutest picture with Ol’ Saint Nick
Who was surprisingly calm when the shutter went ‘click.’
And even though the parents would point and would stare
Their children scampered up to her without care.
Somehow the children knew she was kind
But to that fact, their parents were blind
I realized that when a person grows older
There is no beauty in the eye of the beholder.
All they can see is what could be bad
And trust is always the hardest to be had
Especially when it comes to their kid:
Every questionable thing, they will forbid.
Finally, their parents began to coincide
And took pictures with Pinkie by their child’s side
I think Santa was jealous when from him they fled
and lined up to hang out with Pinkie instead.
Morning turned to evening and day turned to night
The streets began to glow with red and green light
We found ourselves in front of a giant tree
with happy carolers singing gleefully.
I joined in at the chorus of the festive song
As did the rest of the cheerful, glad throng
After a while, Pinkie picked up on the tune
And ad-libed lyrics just like in the cartoon
“Christmas time is the best!”
“Better than all the rest!”
“What makes it greater is to spend
Christmas day with your best friend!”
The carolers stopped, as did the band.
I smiled and started to clap my hand.
Suddenly, the whole crowd had joined in
And Pinkie Pie bounced into my arms with a grin.
But there was something that I could not ignore
Pinkie Pie seemed to weigh less than before!
Needless to say, I was definitely elated
As the people’s applause finally deflated.
I gave her a noogie as we walked away
And asked her if she had a fun day
I put her back down and she nodded stating,
“But we gotta end the day with some good ol’ ice skating!”
The manager was reluctant to say the least
But I finally got skates for my little beast.
She giggled in glee as I tied them on tight
So her hooves wouldn’t chafe and she’d be alright.
Since it wasn’t cold enough to freeze over a pond
The ice rink is usually where couples would bond.
And as I peered out onto the ice rink
I spotted some people that made my heart sink
A group of townies I’d seen in the past
Were in the center of the rink, having a blast.
And though I’d never been directly involved
They made trouble with all and were always absolved.
These high school dropouts were total bums
Barely supported at the hands of their mums.
But somehow acted like they were superior;
Like everyone else was clearly inferior.
A little pink pony would definitely be “marked,”
But before I could warn her, to the rink she embarked.
She stepped onto the ice and with a motion so quick
glided around the rink doing tricks hard to stick.
On the ice, Pinkie was a sight to see
It was like that’s where she was born to be!
Several couples stopped and gazed at her skill
Her grace on the ice was a magical thrill.
And while I was entranced by her double axle spin
I almost forgot the dangerous people within.
When I came back to reality, it was too late
For at that moment, there was a turn in our fate.
Pinkie skated backwards and to me she waved
And crashed into the boys as they misbehaved.
The pony landed on her stomach as the other guys fell
Though they weren’t even hurt, one started to yell.
I didn’t have skates on, but I just couldn’t stay
(I wasn’t that good at skating anyway)
I looked for an opening in the couples to proceed
And, in my shoes, I slipped my way to the steed.
“What kinda freaky dog is ‘dis?” One of them grunted,
As I slid in to help Pinkie and them I confronted.
“Sorry fellas, she just wasn’t paying attention,
She didn’t mean to cause any thoughts of apprehension.”
After I had spoken, they pushed me aside,
“‘Dat’s not what I said,” And the pony they eyed.
Innocently, Pinkie smiled and said, “Hi there!
I’m Pinkie Pie; I’m not a dog, but a mare!”
“Whoa! Did ‘dis thing just talk?” One of them said,
while the other two knelt and started poking her head.
She shook them away and skated toward me,
stopped at my side as I stood courageously.
She wrapped her forelegs around my thighs
As the boys looked at me with jealous eyes.
And though I was built and certainly older
fighting off three guys would be tough to shoulder.
I prayed that this wouldn’t turn into a fight
as the boys glided over to me in spite.
Pinkie felt their bad aura and she held on tight
As the verbal assault commenced.
“‘Dat was a neat trick, how you spoke for your....thing,”
The “leader” had said with the others circling
around us, and the leader continued to say,
“But dyin’ it pink, now that’s kinda gay.”
His cronies snickered and finally stopped their advance
As Pinkie Pie and I exchanged an uneasy glance.
I raised my hand and said, “Sorry to burst your bubble,
But Pinkie and I weren’t looking for any trouble.”
I picked up the pony and attempted to leave
When the leader sneered and rolled up his sleeve.
But when I had turned, I ran into his friends
And realized the simple means to these ends.
These guys had decided to end this day right
They predetermined having an old fashioned fist fight
I just happened to be in the wrong place this night
Their conflict was simply inevitable.
These guys were just itching to get in a tussle
Fighting them off with be the hardest to muscle
Maybe in the midst of this Christmas night bustle
Someone out there will help me.
In a circle, they began to push me around
So much so that I slipped on the ground.
I dropped Pinkie and landed on top of my bottom
As the boys laughed, high-fived, and yelled, “Gottum!”
The leader offered his hand and said, “Sorry, ha ha.”
When I grabbed it, he punched me right in the jaw.
I fell back down and landed hard on the ice
Pinkie growled, “This is the opposite of nice!”
The leader stood over me and to me exclaimed,
“You pretty pink faggots are all the same!
With your messed up feelin’s and gay pride parades
Next thing ya know, my brother’ll ‘ave braids!”
I wasn’t gay and never have been
But being gay was scarcely a sin
“At least I don’t hangout with a bunch of dudes.”
With a scowl, he said, “Ohhh, Now you’re screwed!”
“I don’t know why you’re hurting my friend
But all this hatred has got to end!
You may not accept what I represent
but happiness and love is shared and spent...
...With those who love you. That is a fact.
And he and I made a true friendship pact!”
Pinkie heard enough, and she cried angry tears
And what follows was the sum of all of my fears.
Her yelling had astonished everyone in earshot
As she charged at the “leader” who seemed stuck in one spot.
Wiggling on the ground, I shouted, “Pinkie! No!”
But Pinkie had decided to finish this with one blow
She surged at him and slammed right in his gut
And I marveled at the force of her strong headbutt.
But as she dropped back down onto her skates
The “leader” got aided by one of his mates.
His buddy kicked Pinkie Pie, body and all.
She flew across the ice and crashed into a wall.
My heart skipped a beat as I saw her fall
quivering on the ice.
The head honcho clutched his stomach and growled,
“Grab that pink runt, she’s gonna be my mount.
I needed to get a present for ma anyway,
with this gift *cough*, I won’t even have to pay!”
They were about to pick up the badly maimed mare
When I came up behind them and whispered, “Don’t you dare!”
I landed a punch on one of their soft mugs
But then I got grabbed by one of the thugs
The “leader” had come over, still wincing in pain
And the rage I exhibited they could not restrain
I used the assailant behind me just like a brace,
Leaned back and landed a kick to the face.
The “leader” flew back, now doubly hurt
As the second henchmen took off his shirt.
To my surprise, the other let go of me
And I found a leg somewhere it shouldn’t be.
My legs buckled under me as I let out a yelp,
And I wondered why no one was coming to help.
I spotted the people starting to flee
As the three boys kicked me mercilessly.
One to the ribs.
One to the back.
Another called dibs,
and made my neck crack.
One to the face.
One to the arm.
There was no space,
To scream out an alarm.
I couldn’t talk
I couldn’t speak
I only could gawk,
my future looked bleak
Finally, an employee broke up the fight
And checked me to see if I was alright.
The three slid away without making a fit
But the “leader” came back, and on me he spit.
I grimaced as I struggled to get back on my feet
While the employee stammered, “M-Maybe you should take a seat.”
I cared for one thing and I couldn’t lie
“I have to go check on my Pinkie Pie.”
Luckily, I saved her from any more damage
And the pain from the pummeling, I think I could manage.
Though mentally and emotionally, I was still seething
I was happy to find that Pinkie Pie was still breathing.
Firstly, I covered the limp mare with my jacket
As the spectators began to make quite a racket.
And though it hurt when I put her on my back
Determination and toughness picked up the slack.
As I limped my way out, the manager looked peeved
And said, “Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”
I shouldered my friend and stepped out in the chill
And started my trek to my dorm on a hill.
My head was still pounding and I thought a rib cracked
As I referenced the past when I was fiercely attacked.
But courage and valor, I had to show
As the weather around me began to snow.
My injuries made the journey quite hard
But I eventually made it to my campus courtyard.
I struggled up the stairs and entered my dorm
As the gentle flakes quickly turned into a snow storm
I placed Pinkie Pie down on top of my bed,
And wiped off the spots on her mane where I bled.
I dragged the heater over to keep Pinkie snug
And warmed up some milk for her in my coffee mug.
While in the kitchen, I found time to reflect
On why, for this pony, I had great respect
Yeah, she was goofy; yeah, she was weird,
But I’ll never regret that she appeared.
I asked for a friend but I got something more
I never could have guessed what she had in store
And though taking care of her was kind of a chore
...Today was the best day ever...
When I entered my room, Pinkie started to move
I rushed to her side to see if she improved.
She tried to sit up but winced when she did
So behind her back, a pillow I slid.
She smiled weakly at me as I pulled up a chair
And I handed her the milk I had prepared.
She thanked me kindly and drank it in
And immediately asked, “So, did we win?”
I chuckled a little and shook my head no
“I landed some good hits on them, though.”
“Any of them as good as my hit?”
“That was the best, I’ll have to admit.”
She grinned at me and I matched her smile
I said, “You really know how to go out in style!”
She winked at me as she downed her last sip
And said, “Baby, the magic is all in the hips!”
I laughed out loud and her, I embraced
Making sure that I maintain enough breathing space.
To my surprise, she clutched me harder
And at that moment, I felt pure ardor.
After a few minutes, Pinkie let go
And remarkably, she began to glow.
“What’s going on, Pinkie, are you alright?”
“Sorry, but I’m going to be leaving tonight.”
I stared at her, bewildered, then started to cry.
I couldn’t believe it and I asked her why.
She smiled at me knowingly and shed a tear
She then confessed, “I do this every year.
Santa transports me to his northern abode
And I sit next to him as he hits the road.
Christmas Eve night, he leaves me somewhere
Where he hears a lonely heart cry out a prayer.
I’m an Equestrian pony, born and raised.
Ponyville’s fields are where I’ve grazed.
I have to go back to my friends and kin.
I couldn’t live here, I’d never fit in.”
I protested, “Pinkie Pie, don’t leave me here,
In this world filled with grief, with anger and fear.
Where nothing is certain, and nothing is clear.
Please... take me with you!”
She shook her head and said, “I can’t.
For that magic, I am unable to grant.”
She smiled at me with loving eyes
And the grief I felt, I could not disguise.
The glowing had stopped and she started to fade,
As I gripped her body and slowly swayed.
I said, “Sorry for getting you hurt.”
“Ponies heal fast. Don’t sweat it, squirt.”
Pinkie continued, “By the way, I had fun.
The most fun I’ve had under this world’s sun.
And even if I leave, I’ll never truly go.”
I had to ask, “Pinkie, how will I know?”
She let go of me and in a voice quite kind
said, “I may not always be on your mind,
But the important thing is what’s inside the heart,
and the friendship we shared will never tear us apart.”
And with that her body fully disappeared.
That night, I admit, I felt pretty weird
I thanked Santa silently for sending me that pony
And said, “I guess, in the end, I AM your favorite brony...”
