Pretty Laces for Good Little Fillies

by libertydude

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Death, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 9165

Anon tries to be on her best behavior when Twilight's friends come to visit. She doesn't know if that will be enough to be loved.

Anon is happy with Twilight. Really. She loves the ornate castle, the lovely meals she eats, and, most of all, loves Twilight herself. It's so wonderful and beautiful in Equestria that Anon almost forgets she used to be human.

Almost.

My fourth-place entry to the Filly Anon Contest. A different approach to the idea, leaning in a more serious direction than many authors take the concept.

Edited expertly by SirReal.

Now part of the Winter Dreams, Summer Reminisces collection.

Published 2020-11-12 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-11-12 22:10:00 UTC

Another Day in Paradise

She awoke with a contented sigh. Her relief came from both the filtered sunshine streaming through the partly opened drapes and the fluffy white comforter which embraced her little green body. Strands of her messy, dark mane spilled over her face. Even the bedroom, a grand display of Princess Twilight’s status with its extravagant glass chandelier and hoof-carved furniture worth more than most ponies’ homes, helped the little filly breathe easier in the warm morning air.

I’m safe from the dark, Anon thought. I’m home.

She yawned, stretching the knots out of her legs before hopping off the bed and trotting to the white dresser crowded with makeup tools she couldn’t even name, let alone wrap her mind around. They’d merely been dropped off one day by a nameless castle maid who nodded and smiled at the confused filly, promising these things would make her even cuter than she already was. Anon had giggled in the childish high-pitch she hadn’t yet gotten used to and smeared the various concoctions across her face. The resulting mess had not only cluttered the dresser further, but made Princess Twilight laugh uproariously when her ward appeared before her caked in a mish-mash of eyeliner and facial powder.

Anon smiled at the memory while she brushed her mane back into its trademark curl atop her head. Twilight is fun, she thought. More fun than anybody back…

The brush stopped. Anon looked into the mirror and realized how frightened her reflection looked. She knew she needed to do something, anything to keep the thought from returning, so she pushed the brush across her head in faster strokes. She tried to hold back her pained squeaks with each hair pulled from her scalp, but they echoed throughout the room regardless. Anon did not try to shame herself for being a baby like she usually did. She only brushed faster and harder, hoping to escape the pained eyes staring out from her mirror.

The hair finally beat back into position, Anon trotted to the bedroom door and stepped out into the long-arching castle hallway. Stained glass windows lined the walls for what seemed like miles, casting brilliant colors upon the violet carpet stretching just as far. The distant tap-tap-tap of the castle staff's hooves filled the corridor.

Anon took off down the hallway. Her journey was accompanied by the onlookers she passed, and their expressions leaned toward amusement at the rambunctious filly or confusion at her presence. The castle guards and staff tended to be the former.

The stares were no matter to Anon, whose sole interest was the faint scent of dandelions and roasted vegetables snaking through the corridor. They alone would distract her from the thoughts plaguing her mind, their daily aroma a reminder this was her life now. The smell intensified the deeper she dashed into her new home, and only when the tall, golden doors to the dining room came into view did she slow. Anon jogged in place, her hooves pat-pat-patting upon the carpet. Every few seconds, she tried to jump up to the door handle, but couldn’t quite grasp it in her flailing hooves. Eventually, a guard in golden armour opened the door from the other side, staring down in mild amusement at Anon thrusting her hooves at the door handle with wizard-like zeal.

“Voila!” Anon chirped. “My spell has worked!”

The guard gave a bemused smirk, then opened the door further. “Please come in, little one,” he said. “The Princess is waiting for you.”

“Thanks, buddy!” Anon said. She saw a ghost of a smile cross his face before it was swallowed by the sternness expected of Twilight’s castle guards. Anon made her way into the open dining room and stared at the buffet before her: the roasted vegetables and dandelions, once faint scents, now steamed on turquoise china. Various fruits covered a quarter of the long table, from avocados to bananas to dates.

Yet none of the delicacies compared to the beautiful figure sitting at the end of the table: Her slender body lounged in a large chair, the back of which only barely stretched past her long horn and golden crown. Her hair waved elegantly in the air in an invisible breeze and twinkled with sparkles like stars in the sky. She held herself with the majesty of a learned mare, with wisdom and grace earned through a lifetime of experience.

“Good morning, Nonny,” Twilight said. Her voice was light, even musical, far from what Anon had expected when they’d first met. Perhaps this had been what endeared Anon to her in the early days, when the past threatened to pull her under crushing waves and steal the air from her lungs. Even now, Anon’s morose thoughts dissipated upon seeing her.

“Morning, Twilight!” Anon said. She hopped into the smaller chair beside the Princess, beaming up at her. “I think I’m getting better at this whole ‘magic’ thing.”

Twilight paused, her spoonful of yogurt hovering in the air. “Oh?”

“Yeah, didn’t you see? I wanted the door to open without having to touch it, and boom, it opened!”

“Is that so?” Twilight asked with an amused smile, setting down her spoon. “And you managed to do this even without a horn?”

Anon giggled. “Of course! I have the best teacher-mother-princess ever!”

Twilight brought a hoof to her chest in exaggerated surprise. “Well, I’m quite honored to hear that, Nonny. I was worried that Cadence might’ve beaten me in that department.”

“Nope!”

“Well then, in my official capacity as BTMPE, I would suggest having a little breakfast before you try any more ‘spells.' ” She gave Anon a wink, then returned to her tea. “Did you have a good night’s sleep?”

“Sure did!” Anon grabbed for the bread rolls before her, the steam from them distorting the view of the window across from her. The scene depicted a mare fighting a grotesque monster with many limbs grabbing for her crystalline body.

“Your mane certainly looks pretty. Did you comb it?”

“Yeah. I…” Anon grasped the roll in her hoof tighter. She knew she shouldn’t tell Twilight about her mental hiccup. Her eyes flashed when she realized the perfect distraction. “I wasn’t sure if your friends would be here for breakfast, so I figured I’d try to look a little neat.”

Twilight gave a warm chuckle. “Well, I’m sure Rarity would appreciate the gesture. Unfortunately, she and the others are not arriving until noon.”

Anon felt relief wash over her. Twilight had talked nonstop about the yearly visit of the other Elements of Harmony for the last two weeks. Anon could rely on them to distract Twilight from the crumpled bun in her hoof, the only sign of discontent in Canterlot Castle.

“Were you hoping to meet them?” Twilight said, a nostalgic smile spreading on her lips.

“Not really,” Anon said, tearing the bun in her hooves flake by flake. “They sound nice enough though.”

“You’re not still worried they won’t like you, are you?” Twilight asked, placing her fork down upon her half-empty plate. “Nonny, I can promise you they are some of the friendliest mares you’ll ever meet. Well, Rarity is as long as she gets her morning coffee. And Pinkie needs a good amount of sugar. A lot of sugar...” Shaking her head, Twilight said, “Look, the point is you don’t have to―”

“It’s fine, Twilight.”

The room went quiet as Anon stared at her plate, shoulders hunched. She stuffed the bun into her mouth before any more angry words could leak out.

The heat from the buns filled Anon’s mouth. Each chew pressed harder into the yeast, each one a contemplation on how to handle her emotional faux-pas. A lie was quickly ruled out, as Anon lacked both the experience and talent to make it believable. Telling the full truth would eat up too much time, something Twilight couldn’t afford today with her friends all on the way there. Anon had seen how Twilight’s eyes gleamed the previous day when she talked about Rainbow Dash and Applejack and all the other friends that helped her become the wonderful mare she is today. The kind who stared at Anon with concern as well as care. It was the generosity of somepony Anon couldn’t bring herself to disappoint, lest she strain Twilight’s generosity and Anon be left abandoned and alone as she had been with all the others in her previous life.

I’ll survive, Anon said. I can keep the past back a little longer. For her.

Anon swallowed the bun and sighed. “I was just thinking about something from a while back. You know… from before I came here.”

Twilight nodded, her expression no less kind but growing more serious. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Anon shook her head. “It’s nothing. Besides, I don’t want to distract you from your friends.”

Twilight’s eyes flashed a brief moment of concern, then returned to their default warmth. “That’s very considerate of you, Anon.” She poked at the zucchini on her plate. “More considerate than any of my prior children have been.”

“Isn’t that what a good little gir― I mean, filly is supposed to be?”

“Well, it’s certainly preferable.” Twilight chuckled. “I remember being a bit of a hooful when I was little.”

Anon laughed. “You? A troublemaker? Next you’ll say Spike was a big dork who read comic books every day.”

Twilight burst into guffaws, which echoed across the whole dining room. “Oh Celestia!” she said between tears. “You think he was always a big, tough dragon? The little guy almost cried when Zephyr Breeze called Supermare trash!”

The image of Spike as little and in tears over a comic book caused Anon to let loose her own chuckle. For a few seconds, the duo laughed in unison at the other’s silliness.

“But Anon,” Twilight said, reaching across the table and placing her hoof atop Anon’s. “You have to understand that I’m here for you, whether my friends are coming or not. If you need me, I would drop everything to help you. Even if that means having to give up time with my friends.”

For a moment, Anon felt relief wash over her. Twilight was just as loving and wonderful as she'd thought. She would help her handle the past, the evil boogeyman threatening to rip away the pretty land and the beautiful mare who’d taken her in.

But the guilt soon reared its head when Anon realized Twilight’s loyalty would be the killing blow. Her day of reunion, once the harbinger of fun times and happy memories, would be tainted by the little runt who’d cried about her life and refused to let go. Her friends, occupied with their own lives, would grow bitter once they knew she cared more about some filly that stumbled into her castle than the ponies she’d gone through Tartarus and back with. The Princess of Friendship would become the Princess of Broken Promises, all because of one selfish little filly.

Anon knew what she had to do before the words even left her mouth.

“That’s great, Twilight,” Anon said. “But I’m fine. Really.”

Mild doubt crossed Twilight’s face. “Are you sure? We can talk about what hap―”

“No!” Anon said louder than she’d desired. She couldn’t bear to see the shock upon Twilight’s face, so she focused on the limes sitting in front of her. “Just… give me some time, Twilight.”

Twilight scrutinized the filly for a moment, a gentle frown on her face. Eventually, she sighed, her posture relaxing. “If you say so. But I’m here for you when you’re ready. Never forget that.”

Anon nodded and reached for another bread roll. Twilight herself nibbled on a stalk of celery, before moving on to the strawberries lined in a row upon her plate. For a few minutes, the duo ate in silence while the distant sounds of servants’ hooves and clanking kitchenware came from the kitchen next door. Each moment of shared silence built an awkwardness around them, and Anon grasped for something to bring the conversation back onto pleasant grounds.

“So how do your friends get here?” Anon said, dabbing her face with a napkin.

“They usually share a carriage from Ponyville,” Twilight said, fiddling with a half-empty teacup. “Rainbow Dash used to just fly up, but Applejack convinced her a leisurely ride was more in the spirit of the event.”

“What do you guys even do? Just talk?”

Twilight nodded. “Nothing too exciting, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s nice to just catch up on things.”

“Seems kind of boring.” Anon regretted the words the second they came out of her mouth. If there was one thing that would break Twilight’s benevolence, it would be to denigrate her friends in any manner. Anon’s hooves gripped the seat in fearful anticipation of the angered rebuking or withering glare the Princess would bestow upon her.

To her surprise, only a small laugh came from Twilight’s lips. “I guess it would seem like that for a little one.”

Why is she so nice and understanding? Can’t she just… stop? Anon thought. I fear hurting her more than― She forced herself to stop. They couldn’t cross her lips, let alone her mind. There was no place for them in Equestria or her life anymore. They would not become Twilight’s burden as well.

“Friends are the most valuable things in the world, once you really understand how important they are,” Twilight said. “In fact, today would be the perfect opportunity to demonstrate that to you!”

Anon put her hooves in the air. “Oh, don’t let me get in the way. They’re your friends, not mine.”

“Oh, nonsense, Nonny,” Twilight said with a smile. “My friends would love to meet you!”

“I don’t know,” Anon said. “I’ll be a distraction more than anything.”

Twilight tilted her head. “How so?”

“Well, you know how nopony can talk when there’s a dog or cat wandering around the room? Because it’s so cute and everypony wants to dote on it because―”

Anon froze when she saw the wide smirk filling her guardian’s face. “Are you saying you’re too cute to be around my friends?”

“Um… yes?”

Anon lurched forward, a light purple aura surrounding her body and thrusting her into the outstretched legs of Princess Twilight. Anon struggled against her mother’s vice-like grip, making indignant grunts as the Princess nuzzled the top of her head.

“Can’t argue with that!” Twilight said, practically squealing. She flew out of her chair and around the room, joyful cackles bellowing from her throat while her charge gripped her legs ever tighter. Nervous laughter escaped her mouth the smaller the floor became and the crystal chandelier swung only a foot away.

“H-Hey, Twilight!” Anon said. “Can I please be adorable on the ground?”

As fast as they’d gone up, they were back on terra firma. Anon found herself landing on her rump once she wiggled out of Twilight’s arms.

“I’m sorry, Nonny,” Twilight said. “It’s just… It’s been so long since somepony like you became one of my children. Somepony so wonderful and considerate and Celestia-darn cute. Now you have to meet my friends.”

“Are you sure?” Anon said, still shaking. “I can just stay just in my room.”

“Absolutely not. In the buffet of life, you’re a scrumptious soufflé the chef only serves once every ten moons.”

“What?”

“You’re a good little filly, Nonny. As a mother of multiple children and desperate for bragging rights among my peers, I’m pretty much required to show you off as much as possible.”

Anon sighed. “I’m not getting out of this, am I?”

Twilight’s face curled into an unmistakable leer. “Silly little Nonny,” she said in a sing-song voice. “You act like you had a choice to begin with.” She leaned down and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

Anon felt the same magical force surround her and lift her up into the air. She landed right on Twilight’s back with a quiet thump.

“Now we need to get ready,” Twilight said, walking towards the exit. “We must look our best today, what with the finest fashionista of the land being one of our guests. I need to get my coat smoothed over, and you need to put on your prettiest dress.”

Anon’s face fell, the filly groaning as she said, “Do I have to? Dresses make me look silly!”

“Oh, you won’t have to worry about looking silly today,” Twilight said, chuckling at some premature punchline. “Nopony’s sillier than Applejack.”

Author's Note

A cheesy joke to end on, but the set-up was too good to waste.

Getting Acquainted

The rest of the morning consisted of a mad dash of beautification Anon could barely follow. Twilight had passed Anon off to Jet, the servant in the black maid’s outfit and with an aqua mane twisted into a pigtail, who dropped Anon into a filled bathtub. The filly sent the water over the tub’s already filled edges. Before Anon could catch her breath, she felt Jet’s hooves massaging a shampoo deep into her scalp. Warm water flowed over Anon’s head, and she took quick breaths in the moments when the water stopped cascading down her face.

Once dried, Anon found herself placed in front of the mirrors lining the north wall of her bedroom. A dress a minute was placed against her chest, Jet’s face scrunched as she determined whether the various ruffles and sequins were attuned to the monarch’s instructions. The choices soon narrowed to a poofy blue dress with a large skirt stretching behind the back hooves and a simple pink one with little red frills surrounding the waist and chest. The latter was eventually chosen for both its simplicity and measured contrast with Anon’s fur.

Anon kept silent throughout the whole process. If there was one lesson she’d kept from her past life, it was that flies couldn’t enter closed mouths.

Soon afterwards, Anon found herself in the throne room. The throne itself was rather mundane, a simple violet cushion and backrest sitting above a large pool of water cycled in and out by miniature waterfalls. Stained glass windows stretched before her depicting acts she hadn’t yet learned in her tutoring lessons. One unmistakably depicted Twilight, wings outstretched as the Elements of Harmony flowed from her down to five smaller ponies below her.

I wonder what they’ll be like, Anon thought, playing with her dress. She’d heard Twilight’s tales of their exploits in bits and pieces, usually whenever a friendship lesson needed to be imparted. The amalgamated image was one of a perfectly functioning unit of militarized friendship, where evil-doers were stomped down and compassion prevailed amongst the group. The idea intrigued Anon, though her unease reappeared when Twilight herself came through the throne room’s doors. Her coat shimmered in the light, almost matching the gleam her mane gave off naturally.

“You look lovely, Nonny,” Twilight said, trotting over towards her ward. “Jet did a great job with your hair. The dress is pretty, too.”

A small blush crossed Anon’s face. “You really think so?”

“Absolutely.” She leaned down and nuzzled the filly’s head. “Now, do you remember all of their names?”

Anon nodded. “Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and, er… Butterfly?”

“Fluttershy. And do you remember who is who?”

“Yeah, um…Pinkie is the pink one, Rainbow Dash is the rainbow one. Rarity’s the one with the purple mane. Uh, Fluttershy is yellow, and Applejack’s the one with the hat.”

“Good enough!” Twilight said, her face somewhere between nervous and excited. “Now get ready. These girls can be a little overbearing if you’re not used to them. Celestia knows it took some time for me to warm up to them.” She winked at Anon. “But I’m sure you’ll be fine, considering you’re ‘too cute’ to ignore.”

Anon rolled her eyes, but the pit deepened within her stomach. “Do they know I’m, you know… not the same Anon you had the last time they were here?” Anon had heard the horror stories from passing castle staff about a perpetually grumpy filly who’d spent most of her days finding new and inventive ways to torture everypony in the castle, including Twilight herself.

“Oh, yes,” Twilight said. “I made sure to tell them.”

“Okay.” Anon stared down at the purple carpet, no less assuaged of worry. She knew Twilight’s kindness was beyond doubt, but these strangers all held mysterious personalities she could not discern from mere stories. Perhaps they could put on a brave face and pretend the little filly beside their friend was amusing in some small manner, but Anon was sure they’d turn on a dime the second they were outside the castle walls.

What a stupid little runt, Pinkie would say.

Her dress was so lackluster, Rarity would say. Five seasons out of date.

And her voice was so annoying, Rainbow Dash would say between cackles. Honestly, if it wasn’t Twilight’s job to take care of those things, she would have been dumped into an orphanage long ago.

The thoughts made Anon want to shrink inside her dress, but the consideration was interrupted when the doors of the throne room slammed open. There stood a pink pony with an assortment of candy stuck in her frilly hair, huffing and puffing with outstretched arms. Behind her stood Twilight’s remaining four friends, each bedecked in their own unique style of clothing.

“Best Friends Forever Reunion Party!” Pinkie Pie shouted, diving towards Princess Twilight faster than a lightning bolt. From sheer reflex, Twilight caught the party pony in time and returned her bone-crushing embrace. The rest of the group followed suit, the group hug growing larger with each body. A variety of squeals came from each participant and hushed proclamations about how the others looked oh so wonderful even after all these years. A warmth filled Anon’s chest, happy to see they still loved Twilight into their older age.

“And this…” Twilight said, stepping back and opening her hooves toward the little filly standing meekly beside her, “is Anon. The new one, like I wrote to you.”

Anon gulped when all their eyes shifted her way. She didn’t dare look away, even with her knowledge they would hate her outright, for she knew she could not embarrass Twilight in any way. The image of Twilight in her royal bedroom with thirty-foot high ceilings, bawling into a velvet pillow as she ruminated on her friends deserting her because of one stupid little filly, hardened Anon’s resolve to put on the brave face she’d never managed in her past life.

“Um, hello,” she said in more of a squeak than a normal voice. She bent her knees low in a curtsy, just like how Jet had shown her. “Nice to m-meet you all.”

For a moment, Anon feared the worst. The eyes of the ponies she recognized as Rarity and Applejack held a deep suspicion within them. Pinkie and Fluttershy, while seemingly as pleasant as Twilight said they would be, contained a wariness Anon recognized as that of good ponies whose better natures had been checked by previous rebuttals of their hospitality.

It was the lone remainder, Rainbow Dash, who showed no hesitance or distrust in her face. She zoomed over to Anon fast enough to blow Anon’s dress in the resulting breeze. “Hey there, kid!” she said, ruffling Anon’s mane into a disheveled state almost as bad as her own.

“H-Hey,” Anon said, smoothing her mane back down with nervous pats.

A shift began to flow through the group, and Anon soon found herself shaking hooves with each respective pony. Fluttershy’s was a meek grasp Anon could barely feel, like a bunch of feathers dancing across her hoof. Applejack’s was a firm grip that belied the Earth pony strength in the farmer. Pinkie shook so hard the filly’s entire body was flung up and down in a violent manner. Rarity was the last one to stand before Anon. Her suspicion, though cooled by Anon’s congenial greeting, remained ever present in her eyes. Anon gulped when Rarity outstretched her hoof towards the filly.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Anon,” Rarity said, the words stilted. Even the hoof seemed somewhat lackadaisical, falling limp just at where Anon was expected to grasp it.

Anon stared at the hoof, heart pounding in her chest. I need to get on her good side, she thought. Quick, too. Before I ruin everything for Twilight. She didn’t need to look up to see her mother’s nervous eyes, the eyes that Anon knew would scowl at her for the rest of her days should she fail here.

Before she could rethink it all, Anon grasped Rarity’s hoof and kissed it.

A gasp went up through the air, emanating right from Rarity’s throat.

“S-Sorry!” Anon said, dropping the hoof and pulling her neck as far back as it could into the dress. “I thought that was what…” Her sentence trailed off the second she saw Rarity’s eyes staring down at her. A strange intensity filled them, like a fire gleamed somewhere deep within her cranium.

“You…little…” Rarity reached down towards Anon’s face, and she grimaced as the mare grasped her cheeks. She readied herself to be thrown through the stained glass window and down the mountain. It would be a far easier fate than having to see the pain in Twilight’s face.

“…Dear!” Rarity shouted, relinquishing Anon’s cheeks for a crushing grip around her whole body. “Oh, you’re so much sweeter than the last one!”

Anon’s relief mixed with an inability to breathe, her discomfort aided by the manic twirls Rarity spun them around in. The rest of the group looked on in amusement, Pinkie’s smile the most outstretched amongst them.

“See?” Twilight said with a proud smile. “I told you all she was a good little filly.”

“I just didn’t think she’d be this polite,” Fluttershy said.

“Cute as a button, too,” Applejack said. “Acts just like Grady did when he was little.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow said, flying around the twirling duo. “And seeing that her eyes haven’t popped out from Rarity’s Death Hug, she’s gotta be pretty tough under all of that frill.”

“Don’t touch her!” Rarity growled when Rainbow flew a little too close. “She’s mine! All mine!” The walls shook with the madmare’s cackles.

“Rarity!” Applejack said. “Let the poor gal breathe a little!”

“Air is overrated!” Rarity said, snuggling her nose against Anon’s face, which grew purpler by the second.

“But you’re ruining her dress!” Pinkie said.

Rarity shrieked, and Anon soon found herself back on the ground. She gasped for air as Rarity patted her sides in an attempt to smooth out her now-rustled garb.

“Many apologies, darling. This really is a lovely dress and I don’t want to ruin it and…” She gave a deep sigh. “It’s just so rare to find a filly with such wonderful manners. Especially in your, ahem… situation.”

Anon shook her head in agreement, rotating her hoof in the carpet. “I heard about what the others were like. I’m sorry they caused you so much trouble.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, dear. However crass they might’ve been, their mother set them on the right path.”

“Right!” Pinkie said, hopping around. “And any filly of Twilight’s is our friend as well.”

“Well, thank you,” Anon said, backing away slowly. “It’s been nice meeting you, but I’ll leave you all to your visiting.”

“Oh?” Applejack said, a wry grin spreading across her muzzle. “Leaving so soon? I reckon we’ve got oodles to share. And I am a mite curious about this here young’un.”

“No, no, I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome. Really, I―” She found her rump hitting something soft, yet firm. She peered up at Twilight, who looked down at her with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“T-Twilight?” Anon said. “Can I go now?”

Twilight shook her head. “Like you said this morning, Nonny: You’re way too cute to ignore. And if there’s one thing us mothers are good at, it’s doting on our cute little fillies.”

Anon chuckled, looking at the devious smile on every mare in the room. “I’m in danger.”

Author's Note

Another meme ending? Well, of course. This is a Filly Anon story, after all. It wouldn't feel right without a few memes.

Also, if this was a traditional Filly Anon story, Rarity totally would have thrown her out the window.

Friends of a Friend

The afternoon consisted of a strange combination of grown-up talk and the group finding different ways to baby their host’s child. Anon got her first taste from their lunch’s long dessert line provided by Pinkie herself, and Anon soon discovered modest taste-testing was not the way the frizzy pink pony wanted her goodies to be enjoyed.

“Take as much as you want!” Pinkie said, bouncing up and down around the table. “Never let good food go to waste!” This command was all it took for Anon to grab hoofuls of jelly beans and cupcakes, and even an errant pie slice found its way to her gaping maw. The resulting mess across her face entertained the group to no end, and one quick napkin across her chin later allowed them to move onto their trek to the gardens.

It was to Anon’s surprise she found Fluttershy able to call down the various robins and bluejays in the trees, who all perched on her and chirped in ecstatic glee as though she were an old friend. Anon did not notice the smile spreading across her own face, though she had a vague awareness of her mother’s approving eyes. Applejack likewise dug up a carrot embedded in the earth and hoofed it to Anon.

“Good for your eyes, sugarcube,” Applejack said with a grin. Anon nodded while she chewed on the vegetable, a mild attempt to make up for the copious amounts of sugar she’d ingested earlier.

Yet the greatest surprise came from Rainbow Dash, whose main focus had mostly been talking with Twilight, coming up to Anon and asking her if she wanted to go for a fly. Anon initially shivered, remembering her impromptu flight with Twilight earlier that day. Looking into Rainbow Dash’s eyes, however, she found the same tenderness the mare had provided in their first meeting and, most surprisingly, a reservedness at odds with the reckless daredevil Twilight often described. Against her better judgment, Anon agreed.

“A-As long as we don’t go t-too fast,” she said atop Rainbow’s back, hooves grasping the mare’s multi-colored mane like a blanket.

Rainbow laughed. “Don’t worry, kid. Speed’s great and all, but nowadays I prefer morning cruises over hundred-yard dashes.”

With that, she took off to the sky and zoomed all around Canterlot. The white and gold city sparkled below them, the sounds of the bustling streets eliminated by the rushing wind drowning out everything else. The whole time, Anon’s hooves were wrapped around Rainbow’s neck, much to the latter’s amusement when they reached the city’s mountain summit and looked down upon the kingdom. No words were exchanged while they gazed out over the green valleys and snow-tipped peaks of smaller mountains in the distance. Anon thought maybe Rainbow, the perpetual talker as Twilight had described her, had finally learned when silence bred deeper emotions than the most grandiloquent of words. The only communication was the slight buck from Rainbow’s back, a quiet signal to ready for take-off once more.

An anguished cry that was becoming increasingly familiar greeted them once they landed back in the garden. “Goodness gracious, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity said. “Look at what you’ve done to your manes!”

The decision was instantly made to go to the royal salon, a choice Anon was surprised to see even the rough-and-tumble Applejack and tomboyish Rainbow Dash agree with wholeheartedly. No sooner did she find herself in a chair and Rarity pulling back her knotted mane. A variety of powders and oils were slapped against her scalp, the fashionista behind her listing off the various styles she would impose upon Anon until she found the right one.

“Just do her original style, Rarity,” Twilight said, towel around her head and cucumbers over her eyes.

“But a gem like this deserves the absolute best!” Rarity said, combing back the slight cowlick running through Anon’s hair. The protest seemed more obligatory than impassioned, for soon enough Anon was looking back at the familiar mop of hair she’d had, if with a far more caring touch to it than usual. Rarity then made her way to the hot tub with the others, her elegant form prancing up the steps to the large bath's rim. Anon started to sit up when she caught sight of Rarity’s waving hoof.

“You’ll want to wait a few minutes, Anon dear,” Rarity said. “The spray I used to keep your hair firm washes off when it’s too wet. Just sit back for a little while before you hop in.”

“Oh,” Anon said, leaning back into the chair. “Alright.” She gave a longing glance at Princess Twilight and her friends filing into the large porcelain tub, already rolling with bubbles and foam across its surface. The whir of the pumps pushing water through the tub created a subtle rhythm that filled the room and, with each passing second, reminded Anon of hotel spas and health clubs from home.

Anon froze and turned away from the boiling tub. She closed her eyes, grasping the armrests like they were the only thing between her and an eternal abyss below. Anon’s breaths became ragged and out of sync with the cheerful laughter and splashing water coming from the hot tub.

“You alright there, kiddo?” a voice with a familiar twang said. Anon turned to find Applejack sitting in the adjacent chair, lounging while she stroked her mane with a brush.

“H-Hey, Ms. Applejack,” Anon said. Her grip on the armrests loosened, her eyes focused entirely on the orange mare rather than the chatter on the other side of the room.

Applejack laughed. “You can just call me Applejack, sugarcube. I’ve already got plenty o’ farmhooves who call me ‘Ms.’ ”

“Alright,” Anon said. “Some ponies around here get annoyed if you don’t use titles.”

She rolled her eyes, chuckling. “Yep, Canterlot’s got a fair amount of uptights like that. Sizable few need a good ‘n’ proper buck to the behind, but you didn’t hear that from me,” she said, giving Anon a wink. She turned back to brushing her hair. “One of many reasons Ponyville’s the better place, if you ask me.”

“Ponyville.” Anon leaned across her armrest, desperate to get her mind off her old life. “That’s where all of you are from?”

“Some of us,” Applejack said. “Me an’ Rares were born and raised there. Everypony else came from a few different places. Pinkie used to be a farmin’ gal too, y’know.”

“Huh. The way Twilight talked about it, she made it seem like she was the only one who came from somewhere else.”

“Well, she was certainly the last of us to make her way to Ponyville. And it took her a while to get into the swing of things. First time she came to my farm, she tried every trick in the book to weasel her way out of our family get-together so she could get back to her book-nosing.”

“That sounds like Mo―...Twilight.” Anon cringed at the slip. “She’s always trying to sneak off from the Royal Court to go read a book.”

Applejack raised her eyebrow. “You care about her that much, sugarcube?”

Anon blinked. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“A humble farm mare I may be, but I am a mother before that. And sure as an apple don’t fall up, I happen to know a ‘Mom’ from a ‘Twilight.’ ”

Anon’s face reddened. “What? No! I mean, I like her and I’m glad she took me in, but…” Anon buried her face in her hooves. “It’s not like that! I swear.”

Applejack patted Anon’s back. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, sugarcube. I’ve known more than one Anon who called her that.”

“The way you and everypony else was talking earlier, you make it sound like every other Anon was kicked out the castle.”

Applejack chuckled. “I will admit, almost every Anon I’ve heard Twilight caring for always seems to prefer leaving this castle kicking and screaming rather than toss one ounce of appreciation her way. But there’s always a few who seem to realize how great of a teacher she can be. Some even see her as something more. As I’m sure you already know.” She gave a knowing wink at Anon.

Anon turned red once again. “Sh-She really is great and all, and I do care about her, but...” Sighing, Anon stopped, collecting her thoughts as she stared pensively at the other mares Twilight called her friends. “The first night I... I came here, she spent the whole night trying to calm me down. I was scared to go to sleep, to go back to that darkness that pops up when you... when everything’s over back where you came from. Twilight told me it would be fine, that I would wake up here for the rest of my life, but I was too scared to care. For the first time in years, I was crying. Even nowadays, there are times where I can’t fall asleep without breaking a sweat.”

Applejack gave a slight nod, and Anon gave a brief sigh.

“All the same,” she continued, “Twilight was there when I finally fell asleep, and even when I woke up. Just to let me know she cared, no matter how stupid fear would make me.” Anon stared down at her hooves. “I never got so much as a smidgen of that back ho― from my old mother.” She regretted the words the instant they came out of her mouth. She knew Applejack would stare at her with manufactured sympathy, her world too wonderful for her to comprehend there could be an unhappy parental relationship.

“I get what you’re sayin’, Anon,” Applejack whispered. Setting her brush down, she looked at her friends as well, her expression unreadable. “Mine was my grandmother, Granny Smith. She raised me and my siblings when my parents... well, when they left us too early.” Rubbing her eye, Applejack chuckled, a simultaneously melancholy and fond smile settling on her muzzle. “Celestia knows she wasn’t perfect, but she did her best and made me understand family’s what’s most important. An’ it ain’t just blood makes family.” She nudged Anon. “Keep that in mind, sugarcube. You’ll find love easier that way.”

Anon nodded, doing her best to not show her watering eyes.

“Oh, Anon!” Rarity called out. “Your hair should be dry enough now. Come and join us!”

“Okay!” Anon looked back up at the tub, steeled for the bad memories to flood back to her. She saw only a bubbling tub and Twilight’s eyes shining amongst her friends. Relaxed, Anon wiggled out of her chair.

“Figure I’ll take a quick dip too,” Applejack said, getting out of her own chair. “Fashion and I go hoof in hoof like plums in apple pie, but I ain’t above letting the ol’ mane down.”

Anon stopped in front of Applejack, the mare nearly running into Anon’s chest. “Applejack, please don’t tell her about what I said. I... I want her to hear it from me, if I ever say it. That’s the only way it’ll mean anything.”

Applejack smirked. “I have a feeling she doesn’t need to be told. But my lips are sealed.”

Anon breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” She followed Applejack up the white stairs leading to the tub's edge. Anon placed her back hooves into the warm water, a surge of relief flowing through her aching muscles.

“Nothing like a nice bath to top off a get-together, eh Nonny?” Twilight said.

“Nope!” Anon said, relaxing onto a perch beside her mother. She could feel the feathers of Twilight’s wing brushing against her side. “I thought you guys would just talk a lot, but you’re actually pretty fun.”

The group laughed in unison. Anon cringed a little bit, unsure whether the guffaws were at her expense.

“Thank goodness we’re not a bunch of bores,” Rarity said between tears. “I wouldn’t want to think we’d lost our touch.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if I was called boring,” Pinkie said, sticking her tongue out in distaste at the word. “A picture perfect party pony needs to provide the most fun possible!”

Today was actually pretty fun, Anon thought, smiling as Pinkie blew bubbles underneath the water’s surface. They really are as wonderful as Twilight said they’d be.

The water went cold. Anon’s face, unbeknownst to her, fell with the realization filling her mind. Twilight’s friends were so wonderful. As wonderful as her. They treated her like their own filly, their own child to coddle and nuzzle in their own affectionate ways.

He loved them too. And he couldn’t disappoint them now as well.

She. She couldn’t disappoint them now.

An errant splash from Fluttershy awakened Anon, and she slipped her back deeper into the hot tub. She made sure her eyes were below the water’s surface and that when she rose her tears would be mistaken for the tub water.

Author's Note

Now we get into the thing I always wanted to examine: the dichotomy between Filly Anon and the male Anon she used to be. It's something that I feel not a lot of Filly Anon fics examine, so it was quite exciting to explore it here.

The Love You Need

The march to the dining hall seemed like the ones Anon could remember seeing in her past life, with the hungry desperate men staring over at the camera and wondering why the people holding it tortured them so. Corridors once helpful reminders of her new status in the world became mausoleum passages leading to a waiting gravesite. Even the dinner table, just as majestic as before with its plethora of breads and vegetables, elicited nary a grumble within Anon’s stomach as she walked beside Twilight. The sole consolation came in the mares being too distracted chatting amongst themselves, catching up on the time they’d missed in pampering Anon.

I can’t do this anymore, Anon thought, staring down at the floor to hide the last remaining wetness in her eyes. I don’t deserve to be around these wonderful mares.

“Wow!” Rainbow Dash called out, zipping towards the seat on the opposite end of Twilight’s chair. “Onion rings!”

“And buttered scones!” Fluttershy said, louder than she’d been for all of the time Anon knew her. She glanced over at Twilight with a look half-thankful, half-admonishing. “Twilight, you really shouldn’t have.”

Twilight gave a flippant wave of her hoof. “It’s nothing, really. The chef was more than happy to prepare everything. Mostly because whatever we don’t finish will go to the staff. They work so hard all the time, and everything’s gone so smoothly today that I think they deserve a treat.”

Stop being so good! Anon wanted to scream. She kept her head down while the rest of Twilight’s friends took their respective chairs. Anon only moved when she saw Twilight heading toward her own chair, and she pattered behind her guardian to her own designated seat. She hopped up and landed with a fwoomph louder than she wanted to make. Fortunately for her, Twilight paid no mind, instead beckoning her friends toward their waiting feast.

“Please, eat up!” Twilight said. “The cooks didn’t make this just for show!”

“Wayth aheadh ov you, sishter!” Pinkie Pie called out between a mouthful of mashed potatoes. The table all chuckled, an act Anon could only replicate with a strained smile. Much like her mounting of the chair, nopony paid any mind to the half-hearted gesture and dug into their respective dishes.

For a few minutes, Anon found her nondescript position amongst the group the greatest blessing she’d had next to being sent to Equestria.

In between bites of food, Twilight and her friends talked about themselves and the happenings in their own lives. Whether the discussion was the latest zap apple harvest at Applejack’s farm or the new bearcat Fluttershy introduced to her wildlife preserve, the mares paid little attention to the morose filly picking at the food on her plate. Their own chewing, violent and quick due to wanting to get a word out in between bites of their feast, contrasted with Anon’s measured nibbles. Too measured to be anything but an attempt to blend in, but Anon was sure not even Twilight could catch onto the act as long as her friends remained the targets of her affection.

The only hiccup in the visage, Anon found, came from her own face. Much like her eating, Anon’s face was pushed into a form of abject neutrality. No happiness, no anger, no melancholy, nothing. Nopony in Equestria, not even the greatest Manehattan detectives, would be able to gauge her emotion for however long they stared. In anyplace else, ponies would’ve looked at the filly as just taking in the world around her and gone on with the rest of their day.

In a room overflowing with so much joy and warmth, however, Anon’s coldness stood out like blood in the snow. Anon discovered this during a few lulls in the mares’ conversations, when one of them would give an errant look her way. Their happiness would stifle for just a moment, confused by the forced boredom in Anon’s eyes. Anon did her best to assuage their concerns and force a faint smile to cross her face. The mare, whether Applejack or another one of the Elements, would then give a smile of their own, almost suffocating in its genuineness, before returning to the topic at hoof.

These moments were when Anon’s love towards the mares intermixed with hatred. Hatred for how wonderful they had made her day. Hatred for making them clever enough to spot the seams in her ever-weakening disguise. Hatred for being the kind of mares one couldn’t hate, for tricking an enemy is much easier than tricking a friend.

After what felt like hours forcing unsentimental smiles and prodding peas upon her plate, a chef came out of the kitchen. His name was Mr. Whirl, the head chef, and a large handlebar mustache stretched across his face. He was pushing the dessert tray, loaded with various ice creams and gelatins that wiggled over each bump on the ceramic floor. The mares all looked at the assortment of treats with anticipatory glee, especially Pinkie Pie.

For a moment, Anon breathed a sigh of relief. Another distraction coming to her aid, stalling the tears that she couldn’t shed now lest her mother and her friends’ day be ruined. She would sit back, refuse dessert on account of the meal size, and wait for the inevitable sugar crash to take care of the mares. Maybe they’d be so tired she wouldn’t even have to talk to Twilight tonight. Maybe Jet would have to guide her back to bed, her tight-lippedness Anon had once considered off-putting becoming a great relief for the agony she now felt.

Anon watched the various mares give directions for each dessert. Pinkie had merely taken one of everything, Applejack had only a scoop of vanilla, and Rarity weighed the potential caloric intake each treat might give her. The chef almost seemed relieved when Anon shook her head and pointed to the still unfinished peas upon her plate.

“Everything alright, Nonny?” Twilight asked.

Anon’s back stiffened, before she realized Twilight’s seating gave her only a clear view of the back of Anon’s head. Forcing the smile once more, she turned to her and said, “Sure am. I just wanted to finish my peas before dessert.”

“That’s certainly mature of you,” Twilight said. “But I’m sure Mr. Whirl wouldn’t mind if you tried some of his desserts.”

“You said the cooks get whatever we don’t eat, right? Maybe Mr. Whirl would like some of his desserts when he’s done.”

“Why, how considerate!” Twilight said, levitating a mixture of strawberry and rocky road ice cream in front of her. “I’m sure Mr. Whirl appreciates your thoughtfulness, Nonny!”

Mr. Whirl gave only a disinterested shrug and chugged the cart along to the nearby Fluttershy, who was trying to pick lettuce out of her teeth.

“Guess you’re still a little full from Pinkie’s treats, huh?” Twilight said.

“I guess,” Anon said. “And I’m just kind of tired.”

“I’ll bet. Flying with Rainbow Dash, wings or not, would exhaust anypony. We’ll go to bed after I talk with the girls a little more, okay?”

Anon nodded. The relief that had come only in spurts now unleashed itself upon her like a bursting dam. She had only to wait a few more minutes when the ice cream would grow too soggy to eat and conversation would falter into mutterings as the friends became weary with the exertions of the day. Then the day would be over, and the tears she’d been fighting back the last few hours would be easier to shun.

“Goodness, is it dark in here,” Rarity said. The room indeed seemed darker than when they’d arrived, aided by the sun’s magically-coerced descent shortly before the group had settled for dinner. “Can we find a way to brighten…”

Anon heard and saw nothing but the past in front of him. The decadent table shifted away into the blank form the darkness always brought whenever Anon fell asleep. Only she knew she was awake then, watching the various nightmares appear before her in a manner not unlike the old black-and-white televisions from her past life. They flashed past, each scene vivid and gut-wrenching.

The last obscene gesture his father had made when the pleadings to stay echoed ineffectively throughout the house.

The CPS agent pushing him and his brother away as their mother walked with the orderly to her new room in the state hospital.

The stinging blows to the head each new bully in each new school provided with each new foster family the two found themselves in.

The car crash. A ringing headache that carried over with him to Equestria, along with the knowledge his brother’s body sat somewhere broken and torn on the wreckage-filled highway. Or maybe still in the driver’s seat where Anon had screamed at him for a reason he couldn’t even remember.

Anon could feel the tears already flowing, as well as the Princess staring down in concern.

“Anon, what’s wrong?” Twilight gently asked.

The doors were too far away to scamper past, the windows too high up to leap out safely. Anon dove under the table and began to sob. She tried to keep the bawling down, but she knew the cat was out of the bag. The rustle of the tablecloth already indicated Twilight’s presence, as well as the hushed voices of her friends above.

“Anon?” She looked up to see Twilight sticking her head under the tablecloth. Even in the darkness Anon could see the telltale worry across her face.

“I’m sorry,” Anon said, sniffling. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For ruining everything. Making today a sad day instead of a good one.”

Twilight’s eyes widened before she shook her head. “No! Anon, you didn’t― What do you mean?”

Anon gave a quick sniff. “I didn’t think it would be like this. All these thoughts from before mixing with now. Some days I wake up like I should be. A little filly, all happy and smiles. Others I’m back to being… older, like you and your friends. And a boy and grown-up. And sad.” She buried her head into her forehooves. “I don’t know what to do...”

“Pain isn’t always easy to heal,” Twilight said. “It’s… It’s pretty hard, actually. And that’s okay. That’s why I’m here, Anon. You don’t need to hide it from me...”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Anon whispered, hiccuping every few words. “Over there, that’s all I was. A bother.”

Twilight frowned. “Don’t say that. It’s not like that at all.”

Burying her head in her hooves, Anon said, “Maybe you’re right. But I still feel like it’s my fault anyway.”

A silence passed between them, aided by the now completely silent mares sitting above them.

“I don’t know what happened to you before, Anon. But the pony I’ve seen these past few months is somepony anypony would be lucky to know. One who cares about others and tries to be the nicest pony they can just so others won’t have to suffer the same way they did.”

Twilight ran a hoof through her mane, each newly mangled frizz still sparkling in the table’s darkness, and sighed. “So I guess what I want to say is that I’m worried. Scared, even. Because you act so happy and loving that the little voice in the back of my head says you’re hurting more than all the other Anons I’ve taken in. That you think you’re not worth helping.” She eased ever closer to the shaking filly. “But I’m not asking you to be the perfect pony, Anon. I don’t want you to fake a smile. I want you to let somepony help you.”

Anon leaped towards Twilight and buried her neck into Twilight’s lavender fur. “I’m sorry,” she said between sobs. “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Twilight said, nuzzling her daughter as best she could. “You deserve to be happy, Nonny. Okay? Believe me, you do.”

A small rustle emanated under the table behind Anon, who gave a weak smile. “You girls can come under here, too,” Anon said. “I can hear you listening.”

Around her, the tablecloth lifted to find the five mares staring in at them. Concern filled their faces, even the ever-cheerful Pinkie’s.

“Are you alright, Anon?” Applejack said, reaching out toward her.

Anon grabbed her hoof and nodded. “I was just sad because you’re all so wonderful,” Anon blubbered. “And you make me feel like I’m loved. I… I haven’t felt like I deserved that in a long time.”

Applejack returned the squeeze, moving so she could wrap Anon in her own embrace. Rainbow soon followed, the unmistakable scent of the stratosphere enveloping Anon’s mucus-leaking nose.

“Keep your chin up, kid,” she cooed. “You still got plenty of flights to take.”

The others followed, and one by one, each pony’s legs wormed their way through the others’ until Anon could feel nothing but the warmth of their soft fur and see only the stars in Twilight’s hair surrounding them under the blackened table.

Yet for the first time since she arrived, Anon was not afraid of the darkness.

Author's Note

The march mentioned at the beginning of the piece is a reference to the Bataan Death March from World War Two.

Also, Mr. Whirl is paid too much to care about Filly Anon's drama.