Sales Pitch
By Game-BeatX14
“Ah, Twilight Sparkle! Princess of Friendship... How nice it is to see you on this lovely day!”
Twilight sighed under her breath at the sketchy duo standing on her doorstep. She had hoped to never see them again, but the two conniving brothers were incredibly persistent, showing up every other week with some crazy new gizmo to sell. They didn’t seem to care that she had never shown an inkling of interest in their offers, and it was starting to get on her nerves.
“Ughhh… What do you want, Flim and Flam?”
Despite her derogatory tone, the brothers began their spiel without hesitation. Years of practice had made them immune to reluctant customers. Had their perseverance been for something less selfish, the dedication would be admirable.
“Well I’m glad you asked! We’re just promoting our newest product, the Super Sucker 3000 Deluxe! Care to see a demo?”
Twilight rolled her eyes, catching a brief glimpse of the device. It looked like any normal canister vacuum on wheels, but slightly larger and had an extra wide hose with a funnel attachment.
“Go away, I’m not interested.” She answered, giving them a deadpan stare as she tried to slam the door in their faces. Flim pushed his hoof forward to hold the door open before she could fully shut it.
“Wait, just watch. I’m sure you’ll change your mind after you see how powerful it is! A demonstration is worth a thousand words. Flam, why don’t you fire it up so we can show this princess how much our new product will make cleaning her home easier than ever before!”
“Why yes, brother… Let us show her how it works!”
Flam flicked the power switch, causing the device to roar to life. Flim directed the large conical nozzle around Twilight, pointing it towards a bookshelf along the wall of the living room. Almost instantly, dozens of books got caught in a whirlwind of air and flew off the shelves. The vacuum pulled them through the air at warp speed, effortlessly sucking various novels and tomes up into the flexible hose. Twilight screeched as her prized collection of literature was swallowed before her eyes. Her effort to catch some of flying texts proved fruitless as they were ripped straight from her grasp.
“Stop! What are you doing!?”
Flim and Flam powered down the vacuum to continue their back and forth speech, completely oblivious to her shock and irritation.
“See, Twilight? The Super Sucker 3000 Deluxe picked up all those old dusty books from across the room without any effort! Just imagine how easy your life would be if you had one of these to clean your whole castle with.”
“And this is just the start. This baby will live up to its name no matter what you throw at it. Anything and everything can get sucked up, which means your toughest cleaning jobs will be done it a flash!”
Twilight started to feel tense. She was losing patience for their tactics.
“Stop bothering me and give those back! My books are important and I need them for studying!”
Flim smirked with his usual con-artist expression.
“Sure thing! All you need to do is purchase the vacuum, and you can have them all back. A simple solution, for a simple problem.”
Twilight’s eye twitched. She began to wonder if punting them across town would violate princess etiquette or not.
“You two think you’re so smart, but really you’re just annoying and rude. Give my books back, now!”
Behind her, Spike walked down the stairs rubbing his eyes. He was very tired, and had been woken up from all the commotion.
“Twilight, what’s going on down here?”
The princess sighed.
“Nothing, Spike. It’s just Flim and Flam being their usual obnoxious selves.” She sneered right to their faces, trying to make them feel uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Flam grinned. A very evil grin…
“Well, if you won’t buy it to get your books back, maybe you’ll reconsider for your assistant there.”
Flam turned the machine on again, while Flim pointed the hose directly at Spike. Twilight barely had time to react, as the suction was very powerful and direct.
“Whoa- AGHHHH!” Spike screamed.
She watched in horror as her assistant was caught in the cone of rushing air and ripped off his feet, then immediately swallowed up. His body made the hose shake and vibrate as he squeezed through. Within seconds he was transported all the way into to the main storage of the unit, trapped within the metallic canister.
“Twilight, help! It’s so dark and cramped in here…” Spike begged; his voice muffled by the metal. Flim twirled the hose around, giving Twilight a disgustingly smug look.
“So, what do you say? Do we have a sale?”
Twilight sighed, and simply used her magic to open up the main hatch on the top of the device and circumvent their ultimatum. She quickly removed Spike, along with all of her books and hovered them into her living room. Spike breathed heavily, hacking up dust and dirt. Flim and Flam scrambled to withhold the possessions, but her magic pulled every last book from their grasp with minimal effort.
“I’m not interested. Have a nice day.”
She tried to close the door. At this point, Flim was now wedging his hoof between the door and frame to stop her from shutting it.
“Wait, how about we throw in a bonus offer? Two for the price of-”
Twilight finally snapped, losing all of her patience. Her horn pulsated with a fierce contraction of magical energy.
“I SAID I’M NOT INTERESTED!”
In a wave of fury, she ripped the vacuum from their hooves and used her magic to levitate the machine above them. Twilight magically flipped the power switch so hard that it snapped, locking it on full power and dangling the hose over their ears.
“The only mess I need to clean up is you boneheads!”
Flim and Flam looked up in shock, their hooves slowly lifting off the ground as their hats were lifted away by the beastly appliance.
“Uh, brother? I think we may have pushed our luck...”
“Don’t worry, we’ll figure a way out of this. We always d- AGH!”
FWOMP! SHRWUMP!
Flim and Flam were easily pulled up into the wide hose one after the other. Twilight was impressed with how fast it gobbled them up, as their bodies pulsed visibly through the rubber tube until they reached the canister. Once the bulges subsided and they were contained, she turned off the machine and hung up the funnel attachment on its designated storage clip.
“Wow, you guys were right! This thing sure made my life easier.” Twilight snickered, her temper subsiding now that she was in control of the situation. With the tables turned, the trapped brothers finally gave up and started begging for sympathy. Their voice echoed from inside the metal container.
“Alright, ok. You win! We promise we’ll leave you alone from now on. Just please, let us out of here!”
Twilight responded very loudly so they could hear every word.
“Oh alright, I’ll let you out. But first, I have to clean up this big pile of rusty nails over here…”
