Stranger Than Fiction

by Not Enough Coffee

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Profanity, Random, Violence, Crossover, Death, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthology, Gore, Anon, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 4857

This is a collection of short stories based around the Strange Waifus from the Strange Waifu Thread on /mlp/. That includes Thingpone, Boogiemare, Orchid, and many more!

This is a collection of short stories based around the Strange Waifus from the Strange Waifu Thread on /mlp/. That includes Thingpone, Boogiemare, Orchid, and many more!

Cover art by Flutterbree.

Rated T, though it might bump up to an M rating down the line.

I have the general tags on the story itself, but each chapter will specifically have the genres and characters listed. It's in order for you guys to know who is in each chapter, and what it's all about, from just a glance.

Published 2020-03-08 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-03-17 06:13:09 UTC

Pee Pee Pants City - Boogiemare - [Comedy, Random, Second Person]

Author's Note

This story was inspired by this image by PonyQuarantine:

Pee Pee Pants City - Boogiemare - [Comedy, Random, Second Person]

You were currently hiding under your blankets for dear life. Ever since you were but a wee lad, you knew that the covers were your safety, your sanctuary. Nothing could penetrate them, for they were guarded by an deep, ancient magic.

Still, you shivered, for what lies outside the realm of your comfy abode was too terrifying to put into words. Looking into its eyes was like staring into the deepest, darkest abyss. What lied inside was something you were not willing to find out, but you were sure it was something far more frightening than your little monkey brain could handle.

The worst part was… You had to go to the bathroom. Confound your bodily functions! They drive you to question whether or not it’d be a good idea to go to pee pee pants city on your freshly washed sheets…

You unconsciously did a little potty dance under the covers, shifting your legs to and fro, trying your damnedest to hold back the flood gates. This was all good fun on the viewing end of your perverted fetishes, but be the recipient was actually the fucking pits. Though, at least you had a reasonable reason as to why you were holding it in. It was either hold it in and eventually piss the bed, or risk it for the biscuit and make a mad dash to the bathroom. The latter involves your life being sucked away, so you’d be going with the former.

Shifting to the side, trying to find a more comfortable position, you felt your soul leave your body. You didn’t even notice that your heart skipped a beat, and that your breath hitched itself firmly in your throat. Beside you was… IT!

“You know I’ma ‘her,’ right?” It asked, but you were still caught up in how it was able to penetrate your perfect protection facility.

That was when you felt a draft by your right foot's toes. Looking down, you saw that your big toe was slightly poking out of the safety of your blankets, exposing you to the outside air.

You will be cut off for this betrayal…

Quickly remembering your dire situation, you looked up again to notice that it was gone, vanished as soon as it appeared. Quickly pulling your foot in, you closed off the barrier to the outside once more. Perhaps the magic within was still powerful enough to expel her, giving you enough time to bring the seal back to full power.

Suddenly, you found the blankets around you ripped away, leaving you frigid and afraid for you life on your bed.

“OH, GOD! OH PLEASE! OH FUCK!” You exclaimed like a man facing his death proper.

You shut your eyes, hoping to all the deities above that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you. The second more powerful magic against the dark arts. It should buy you time to think of a plan.

To your misfortune, you felt something crawling up your legs, making its way up to the base of your head.

“Oh, Anon.” It moaned out.

Against your will, you felt a force opening your eyelids. You fought hard to shut them once more to continue your defense against the creature, but it was to no avail. You were staring into its eyes once again, this time unable to look away.

“Anon, you’re fear has gotten me so riled up, I just centi-peed myself!”

Unable to move, paralyzed, you saw coming from her mane a army of centipedes, all of which making their way towards your face. You then felt your mouth open, and despite how much you wanted to shut it tight, it simply would not happen.

It’s face twisted and turned into a malicious grin, before it suddenly let out a blood curdling scream. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard, making your heartbeat all the faster. You were positive you were gonna die from a heart attack before the centipedes even reached your mouth. Honestly, you were okay with that compared to the alternative.

You suddenly felt your vision go black before jolting upright in your bed once more. You panted, looking back and forth, up and down all around your room for any sign of that monstrosity. That was when you felt something… Warm between your legs.

“Oh for fucks sake!”

That was by far your worst sleep paralysis demon.

"I'll Still Love You..." - Thingpone - [Dark, Sad, First Person]

Author's Note

This short story was inspired by this drawing by PonyQuarantine:

So, this is going to be the first three stories published to this anthology. I don't expect this to do well, but I also didn't want these all to rot on my google documents, only seen by those involved with the Strangefus.

I actually find these sorts of writings to be some of the most fun to write, since I have less constraint, and its based around the original characters I adore the most. It's strange, but that's the way I like it!

"I'll Still Love You..." - Thingpone - [Dark, Sad, First Person]

There was a chill that ran ominously up my back. There was no noise, all was silent, but that only made the fear within me grow stronger. I was hiding from her… or was it even still her? I did not know, I did not want to know, all I want right now is to get the hell out of here with my life still intact.

There was an ear wrenching moan that broke the silence in the other room. It was coming this way, and I was not ready. Despite the flamethrower I was carrying at my side prepared for action, I myself was not ready to pull the trigger.

I still loved her, I still needed her, and deep down I felt she could pull herself out of this and be mine once more. But, the rational side of me knew that that was a slim possibility. Her form was in disrepair, her consciousness losing its sense of self. What was out there was not the Amber I knew and loved, what was out there was the creature posing in her skin.

As it drew closer, I hid myself in the nearby closet, slowly shutting the binding door so that it made as little noise as possible. Though, as I heard it move rapidly in my direction, I knew it must have picked up on the slight vibrations through the air.

I felt my breath draw short as it entered the room I was hiding in. It was almost indescribable in its appearance. Jutting from all its sides were malformed tendrils of flesh and gore. Mouths opened here and there, all of which filled with razor sharp teeth that could tear through my flesh like butter. The creepiest part was the many faces shifting and morphing around it, all of which looked like they were in utter agony.

Though… The part that stood out the most… The part that made my heart ache…

Amber, the one I onced loved, the one consumed by this thing, lied in the center of its being. It’s eyes bloodshot red, tears streaking down its face. Compared to the other faces it looked rather tame, but to me it was the most brutal display.

“A-A-Anon…” It uttered forcefully from dead lips.

I couldn’t help it, it just snuck up on me, but I felt warm tears freely falling down from my eyes. I loved her, I couldn’t help but love her, but seeing her like this, seeing what she had become… It destroyed me from the inside out, and I just wanted nothing more than to go back to the way things once were.

But, that was not going to happen. I was stuck here, and I had a choice to make. Despite how much it was going to hurt me, I was going to have to do it, I was going to have to pull the trigger. I had to do it for her, it’s what she would have wanted…

I pushed as hard as I could on the closet door, nearly breaking it from its hinges. My flamethrower was pointed at it, ready to do its damage. Though, despite my resolve, I couldn’t push down on the trigger.

At that moment, what looked to be a dozen tendrils shot out in my direction. I flinched, closing my eyes, ready for the inevitable. Though, despite what I clearly saw, nothing came. I opened my eyes once more to see then stopped in mid-strike. It was a grizzly sight.

“A-A-Anon…” It spoke again in a pale imitation of her voice.

I somehow found it within me to reply. “Don’t do this to me…”

“Do it!” She screamed at me.

It left me stunned. Do what? What did it want from me!?

“I-I don’t think… I d-don’t think I’m c-coming back from this… Anon… Please, pull the trigger.” fresh tears washed down her face, coating her bloody coat with her misery.

It, no, she was still there. She was fighting, she could make it through this. “A-Amber. I know you’re still there, you can fight this. You ca—”

She cut me off. “NO I CAN’T!”

Her scream was ungodly, primal, and sent shivers up my spine. My instincts were telling me to run right then and there; get away from such an unsightly beast.

But I didn’t.

I refused.

“No!” I shouted back. “You can do this!”

In that moment, the tendrils armed at me started to vibrate, inching their way towards me. “N-no… I can’t, Anon. I feel it slipping… I’ll be gone in a few seconds.” She started to sniffle as the tears broke out into a torrent of emotion. “I love you…”

I gritted my teeth, tears of my own blinding my vision. “I-I-I love you… Too!” I screamed at the top of your lungs as I forced my hand to push down on the trigger, sending forth a wall of flames to destroy my once, and most likely, only lover.

The guttural scream that echoed forth from her was like chalk on nails. I had to will myself to keep pressing the trigger as all my mind was telling me to do was to let go and cover my ears.

Crys, moans, screaming, it all coalesced into a crescendo of pain and agony as I kept blasting her. After what felt like an eternity, the creature’s voice stopped, and I figured it was long dead by now. The smell of burning flesh filled the air, and nearly made me puke my guts out. Somehow, I managed to tolerate it.

There was now a new issue I faced, one I was not about to escape. The room was now alight in flame, and the one exit was where the growing inferno burnt brightest. I guess I wasn’t making out with her with my life after all.

Well, it wasn’t like I was going to have much of a life without her anyway...

I’ll always love you, until death do us part.

A Shitty Situation - Toiletpone - [Comedy, Random, Second Person]

You felt the rumblies like never before. It was like there was a little construction crew inside your bowels, building a whole apartment complex. Needless to say, you were making a mad dash to the nearest restroom. Well, as fast as you could, given you were clenching your sphincter hard enough to form diamonds.

There was one problem, however. You were in the friendship castle, and you had no idea which hallway had the restroom…

You could practically hear your rear end scream at you for release, but you had to fight back. You were not wearing your brown pants.

You opened the first door you saw. Just storage room.

You opened another across the hall, and yet again, not what you were looking for.

Hoping against all odds, you screamed to the heavens above. “Twilight, Where is the fucking bathroom!? Please, for the love of God!”

But she didn’t reply…

You kept doing the potty dance shuffle as you turned down another hallway. This was getting ridiculous, and you were debating whether or not shitting on the floor would be proper payback for the torment you suffered in search for the restroom.

Still not losing your resolve, you once again open another door, practically ripping it off its hinges. To your luck, it looked to be a restroom. To your dismay, you couldn’t see the toilet. Taking a step inside, you slam the door behind you, and begin looking to and fro for that sweet, sweet porcelain seat.

“Try looking this way, dearie.”

You nearly shat your pants right then and there. You were not alone in the bathroom, and that sent shivers down your spine. Looking to where the voice came from, you felt your jaw become loose, opening wide for all the stray flies to fly into.

It didn’t seem real. In fact, you thought you were in some sort of shit produced coma, and this was you potty nightmare. Just a few feet from you was a toilet, but not an ordinary toilet, no, far from it. It was alive, it was… it was some type of pony.

“You gotta be shitting me…” You utter lowly.

“Mmm, no. But it seems you have a load to unleash. Come, I will be able to help you deal with it just fine.” She patted the seat attached to her, an invitation that you were not keen to take.

As you begin to walk towards the door, you turn and say. “Yeah. No, goodbye.”

That was when the rumblies hit you twice as hard as before, and you had to hold down the hatch with all your might, less you delivered your package too early.

“Seems you don’t have much other choice, do you? Just take a seat, it’ll all be over soon.”

“I…” You had no proper rebuttal. The situation was dire, and your asshole was about to be on fire. You internally battled yourself, weighing your options. Dignity is important to you, despite what others might think.

“Trust me, dear. I’m rather good at my job!” She beamed at you with pearly whites. She looked rather enthusiastic about being, well, a toilet.

“I swear, this is some sort of prank set up by Twat light…”

“Oh, she loves using me, and so will you!”

You could feel your soul leave your body as you started to pull down your pants. Another rumble in the tumble made you forget all of that noise, as you essentially slammed your ass on her seat like you life depended on it.

For some reason, despite all the pleas of your rectum to let it all out, you were having a hard time relieving yourself. That was when you felt her hooves gently place themselves on your shoulders.

“There, there.” She said, beginning to rub your shoulders.

“I hate my life…” The massage felt great, and it actually started to help with your, er, problem. Though, as it began to dribble out, the eye of the storm passed, and it was not hurricane season. It was like a firecracker going off, and you felt yourself jump in your seat as you grabbed the sides of the toilet pony for dear life.

“AAAAARGH!” You shouted like you never shouted before, the power within your asshole unleashing its full fury.

“YES, LET IT ALL OUT!” She exclaimed back, grabbing hold of you in a tight, awkward, embrace.

Moments pass, silence greeting the room as you felt pain for you lower region. You begin to stand up, but you were soon met with the toilet ponies protests.

“Dearie, you need to wipe first, and you haven’t even flushed me yet!”

You couldn’t take another moment of this. You were wishing your anal thunder killed you.

You quickly pressed the lever to flush her, making her moan in ecstasy.

Yup, you drew the line right there. You didn’t care to wipe; you were going straight back home to get a new pair of pants, and you were going to take a long nap and probably have ptsd induced nightmares.

As you pulled your pants up and exited the bathroom, you heard her shout after you. “Do come again!”

You made note to never, ever, use the restroom here again. You also made note to kick twiggle wiggle where Celestia don’t shine for having… That in her castle.

Author's Note

So, for those not in the know, this is Toiletpone:

She was created by anontheanon, and has caused a great plague on the Strange Waifu Discord channel. That being... braps.

Anyway, while that is not my thing, I felt inspiration to write potty humor of the lowest common denominator, because I think their toilet posting is actually starting to infect me. Oh, brother.

I for sure expect this to be a major 'nope' for most people, but I hope others find the humor in it all. Till the next installment, which will be less shitty. Ha!

Shadow of the Waifu - Orchid - [Comedy, Random, Second Person]

Author's Note

For those who don't know who Orchid is:

(Art by Alloyrabbit).

I love kaiju's. I love Shadow of the Colossus. I love shitposts. Here is a combination of the three.

I am working on some actual new stories aside from this anthology, so hopefully you guys are willing to give me the time to get them done. Life has been better, but I am trying to keep myself working hard on what I enjoy doing.

Perhaps this can hold you over?

Shadow of the Waifu - Orchid - [Comedy, Random, Second Person]

You stood tall, wrapping a headband around your, well, head. This was going to be the toughest challenge of your life, but it was in the name of your biggest obsession.

Down the block from you was Orchid, the defender of humanity! And you have a humongous crush on her! You could feel the butterflies do loop de loops in your tum tum as you stared upon her perfect, bioluminescent form. The way her hair bangs flowed around her round, glowing orbs, the way her body curved sublimely in all the right places... It sent shivers down your spine.

But, she was a kaiju, and you were a puny little human; you were the size of an ant to her. Getting her attention, what you sought most in this cruel world, was gonna be your own personal olympics.

But… You were ready. You brought your climbing gloves, padded perfectly to cling to rough surfaces. Her protective skin would not give you the slip, and instead you were gonna become the first human to play rodeo with a kaiju. A feat for the history books, if you do say so yourself.

You saw her lean down to the side, her interest clearly drawn towards ground level. This was your chance to strike!

You ran like you’ve never ran before, and as your breath began to draw in quicker and quicker as you picked up the pace, you realized it was a bad time to be out of shape. But nonetheless, pure will power, and a layer of donut induced pudge, gave you the energy to push on.

You were close now, her upper foreleg only a dozen feet away from your clingy, clammy hands. Gulping down your inner reason, you jumped for what felt like the first time in years. And as you grabbed hold of her fur, you realized how much you don’t jump as an adult, and somehow that depressed you.

No time to dwell on the matter, now was the time for action, and you prayed your years of playing Assassin's Creed was gonna pay off. But as she began to rise, the wind washing over you like a tsunami, you realized you may have made an egregious mistake. You hung on for dear life, definitely not screaming like a little bitch on the way up.

As she rose to full height, you felt your body slam against her rough surface, knocking the air out of you. You almost let go, but the fear of death from the fall kept you holding on. After a moment, you found your breath again. Taking it in, relishing its full splendor, you began inching your way up, one handful of fur after the other.

It was actually relatively easy enough, because the big pony girl was standing stationary. Perhaps you should thank how interesting space is, for staring into it might have saved your life and given you a chance to scale your giant crush in peace.

But God must have seen your momentary happiness, and told Orchid to get a move on, because she began to make a slow trot down the busy city streets. Sometimes, when you think you have nice things, you realized it was merely the eye before the kaiju sized storm.

You were not given a moment to rest, each stride sending you flailing to and fro. Despite the extra grip your gloves lent you, you felt your hold on her loosening. Any moment now you were gonna lose it, and it was gonna be the end of little ol’ Anon. A short life, but one dedicated to what truly matters in the world. At least in your own personal opinion, which was the best opinion. Anyone who wouldn’t die for Orchid was simply not worth mentioning.

To your great fortune, one of many today, she came to an abrupt stop. To your misfortune, again, one of many today, you lost your grip. Instead of plummeting to the ground below, much like a little kid without a seatbelt in a car hitting the breaks, you were sent flying.

In your blurry vision, you saw something flowing, and glowing within reach. As your adrenaline pounded your heart more than you did last night, you reached out with all your might, grabbing hold of something long and tubular. It was Orchid’s hair! And it just gave you another chance to get that which you desired the most. Not wasting another moment, you began to shift your way through the jungle of hair.

Your heart stopped. You felt something shifting through with you. Turning to the left, you saw her hoof combing through her scalp, making you realize you must have given her one hell of an itch. This was not good, and you needed to act fast.

Seeing her ear just a few feet from you, you pushed yourself up, grabbing hold of the edge of its fold. Just in time too, for if you tarried a moment longer, you would have been crushed under her colossal hoof. And despite liking big girls, being crushed was not your fetish.

“Phew…” You let out, wiping the sweat from your brow as you began to get a look at the city from your position. It was grand, truly something to behold. If you weren’t so scared shitless, you might have tried to take a picture.

Shaking your head, you refixed yourself on your current objective. You were right where you wanted to be, there was no way she would not notice you if you shouted into her ear.

Though, the wind began to swim past you again, the g force nearly sending you flying once more. She was taking another trot, though this time it felt more like a canter. Your head was forced to the side of her ear, having no choice but to look where she was heading.

Your heart skipped a beat. Before you, just a few moments away, was the bay. She was gonna jump in, she was gonna do a cannonball, and you were going to lose your chance of a lifetime, as well as your life. Not much of a lifetime, you figured.

You had to do something, so you somehow willed your voice to the surface. “Orchid! Stop! Please! Can you hear me!?”

But her pace did not stop, before you could shout again, you found her preparing to jump. Though, as she was about to make the plunge, she stopped her pace.

Did she hear me?

You internally asked, but as you got a better look, you noticed that there was a traffic jam right where she was gonna plant her hooves down to jump. You were again spared a swift death. Though, before your brain got a hold of itself and tried to get your crush’s attention, she made her way up to the shore line, and began to sink below the surface.

You soon felt water rise up before you, and found yourself letting go. Despite how out of shape you were, you were actually quite the swimmer. So, you weren’t so worried about not being able to make it to shore. It wasn’t too far off anyway.

You were fucking pissed about missing your one oppertunity to get Orchid’s attention, though.

You slammed your fist into the ocean blue as you kept yourself afloat, watching as her form drifted below the waves.

“God dammit! You win this time, but we’ll see about the next! Mark my words!”

"I Ern't Dis..." - Ultramare - [Comedy, Random, First Person]

Author's Note

This story was originally written for an anthology put together by B_25 for NCMares birthday. I was asked to write a story based off one of his images, and so I chose this one here:

A link to a blog with an introduction by B-25.

"I Ern't Dis..." - Ultramare - [Comedy, Random, First Person]

I took a deep and deserved breath. Saving a city takes a lot out of a mare—especially a hard-working one like me. It’s not like these Kaiju are gonna kick their own butts, am I right? Sometimes I wonder what these citizens would ever do without me. Probably die, honestly.

Ah, well. At least I have my after-work lunch to look forward to. Now I play the waiting game.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Man, that building is shaped funny.

Even more waiting.

Okay, this sure is a lot of waiting. Ooo, that rock looks tasty.

Bleh, it wasn’t. But it was colourful. I thought that was candy rock. How dare rocks be colourful and not tasty!

Yup, I can say with a high degree of confidence that this waiting is going nowhere and so is my appetite.

I stretched my back, and I was rewarded with a satisfying pop in my lower lumbar. My god, nothing is more satisfying. Well, maybe not as satisfying as food. Taking another deep breath, and started to trot my way across the city. There had to be a truck carrying pony oats around here somewhere.

It was almost like the city was taunting me, cause there was nothing even remotely oat related in sight. And I’m a big mare, I can see all over the city if I stand upright. Are the humans mocking me purposely? How rude! I just saved their sorry butts! I should kick theirs next…

Okay, maybe not. Doctor Dad would get really upset if I did. Still, those tiny human butts were looking really kickable right about now.

Wait a moment, is that… YES. Yes, it is?

Just past the next block was a pony oat delivery truck with my name on it. Licking my lips, I continued my pace with gusto. Any moment now. Any mouth-watering moment now I would have my precious.

CRASH! BANG! KABOOM!

Suddenly, as if the heavens above wanted to mess with me right now, another kaiju just burst through the building to the right of me knocking me down to the ground.

Okay, that was it, I am gonna show this monster that now is not the time. Dodging its barrage of bites towards my face, I hooked him right in the side, knocking the air right out of him. Taking advantage of my time, I grabbed hold of his right pincer and ripped it clean off, blue, gooey blood splattering everywhere. There were screams, and I probably looked like some sort of savage, but to hell with it, I wanted to eat now and this guy got in my way. An unforgivable sin if I do say so myself.

I then took his severed pincer and shoved it as far as I could into his eye. I heard it scream a bloody agony, and it filled me with glee. I bucked my legs as hard as I could into his torso, launching him into the harbor. His body, and his screams, dropping below the waves.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, chow time!

I finally made my way over to the pony oats truck, the occupants long abandoning ship, and lifted it up to my teeth. I tore open the container, and got myself a mouthful of the succulent, mouth-watering pony oats.

A news helicopter hovered next to me, filming my lunch. Yet another news report on my constant battle for the cities safety.

I stared into their camera with annoyance. “I ern’t dis…”