My Two Bits

by ChaoticHarmony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3714

A battle of frothy drinks featuring Applejack and Rainbow Dash!

When Rainbow Dash hears ponies complaining about the Apple Family cider, she learns that some of the ponies in Ponyville are looking for something new in the way of liquid refreshment.

So she starts up her own cider business by inventing Rainbow Cider, a spicy-yet-delicious drink that makes you "twenty percent cooler in ten seconds flat."

How does Applejack react? Why, with a contest of course!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-21 00:31:02 UTC

Are Better Than Yours

“Gosh, did you manage to get any cider during cider season, Bon Bon?  From what I heard, they managed to sell out within the first day!”  Rainbow Dash harrumphed angrily, kicking a small stone along the dirt road behind the two mares that walked a small distance ahead.  Her vision grew blurry as tears filled her eyes with the fresh sting of the memory.  Yeah, ran out is right!  And when I was next in line too!  Why does this always happen?!  It’s just not fair.  She blinked away the tears before stomping a hoof into the dirt road, angrily glaring at the rock as if it was the cause of all her dismay.  With a swift kick, she sent the small piece of stone flying into the distance and out of sight.

“Yeah, I managed to snag a couple drinks of the stuff.  It was good like it always is.”  Bon Bon’s response to Lyra made Rainbow’s ears twitch, her body tensing as the impact of her words finally washed over her.

“Good?!  Applejack’s cider is better than good!  It’s spectacular!  It’s awesome!  It’s super-awesomely-spectacular!”  She found herself in the cream-colored mare’s face, confusion filling Bon Bon’s eyes as the crazed pegasus flew a few inches away from her.  “How could you just say that?!  I don’t even get any of it most of the time!”  She stopped flapping her wings and touched down on the ground, breathing deeply to calm herself.

Bon Bon, detecting an opportunity to speak, quickly spoke up with a still-shocked voice.  “W-well, I just mean that… um… it’s just… not as wonderful anymore.”  The darkening look in Rainbow’s face made Lyra quickly interject to prevent any possible fighting.

“What Bon Bon means is that too much of a good thing makes the good thing bad, or not as good.” She quickly amended her sentence as Rainbow snorted angrily.

“Too much of a good thing?”

“Y-yeah, like… if you eat too much cake you get sick, that sort of thing!”  Bon Bon’s voice expressed a large eagerness to be away from the crazy pegasus that was still in front of her.  She glanced at Lyra, who nodded in agreement.  “Well, I’ve got to get home… I… uh, left the oven on!”  The blue-and-pink tail swished through the air as she turned to quickly trot away.

“Yeah I should go too, to… uh… help her with the oven!  It’s probably really hot and she’ll need my magic to lift her… uh… cookies from it!”  Lyra swiftly followed her friend’s steps, mirroring her companion’s desire to get away from the cyan pony that stood there with a calculating and thoughtful expression.  Rainbow Dash looked up in alarm as she heard the hoofsteps of her escaping quarry.

“Now wait just a minute here!”  She flew around to land in front of the two mares with a slight thump.  “I still have some questions for you!”  She pointed a hoof accusingly at Bon Bon, advancing slightly to look her in the eyes.  “So, you say that you don’t want too much of a good thing… right?”  A small nod from Bon Bon prompted her to continue, but Rainbow simply lapsed into a thoughtful silence, a hoof holding up her chin as she searched inside her mind for an idea.  The two mares looked at each other and then back to Rainbow Dash.

“Uh, is that it Rainbow?  Oven is still on you know…”

“Yeah, yeah… you two can go.  Thanks.”  Rainbow nonchalantly waved a hoof in the direction of the two, her eyes still focused on the same speck of dirt.  “I wonder if… no, no that would never work.  Well how about…”

The two mares turned away from the rainbow-maned pegasus, Bon Bon taking the opportunity of her distraction to make the universal “she’s crazy” sign with her hoof.  Lyra giggled and nodded in agreement, turning to follow Bon Bon down the road.  When they crested the hill that their path went over, they turned back to look at the still-unmoving form that sat in the middle of the street.  “Um…. What did we just do, Lyra?”

“I’VE GOT IT!”  The sudden shout made them both jump, Bon Bon taking it to a more literal level and leaping into her friend’s hooves.  Lyra looked at the mare lying in her front hooves and slowly shook her head.

“I don’t think we want to know.”

Applejack sipped from her bottle, chugging the apple juice without spilling a drop of the hydrating liquid.  She let out a gasp of air as the rest of the nourishing substance left the bottle and fell into her waiting mouth.  “Wowee, that’s some good apple juice.  Shame we don’t have any cider.”  She dejectedly kicked an empty barrel that lay on its side, sending the bundled wooden planks rolling down the hill and into a tree.  She cringed at the loud clattering that the collision produced, a blazing heat making its way into her face.  “Uh, oops.”

She trotted down the incline to the fallen barrel, butting her head against it and slowly pushing the heavy object up the hill with the occasional grunt.  The last few feet were covered by a swift buck to the barrel’s side, sending it to come to a precise stop right next to the now-useless cider stand.  She crossed her hooves, a self-satisfied smile plain on her face.  “And that’s how we do it ‘round the farm.”

A loud shout coming from above made her look around, a mixture of dread and annoyance filling her as she recognized the voice.  “Applejaaaaack!”  Rainbow Dash landed in front of her, not even taking the time to brush her windswept hair back into its normal place, something that drew Applejacks’ attention immediately.  “Apple… jack… I’ve… Cider… something… Ponyville… Apples—“

“What in tarnation is it Rainbow?  Good gravy girl take a moment to breathe first!”  She pulled Rainbow over to sit on a barrel, the cyan pegasus accepting the seat with a grace that only she could perform; plopping down on the wood with a loud grunt.  The rainbow-maned pony breathed deeply for a few moments, her eyes growing less wild and more focused with every intake of air.  “Now, are you ready to tell me what’s the matter?”  A small nod came from the pegasus.  “All right, Ah want you to start from the beginning, slowly mind.”

Rainbow Dash threw off the hoof that Applejack had lain on her shoulder, placing her own hooves on the earth pony’s shoulders instead.  “Applejack, I just had a great idea!  I mean, not just a great idea, this thing is totally awesome!”  The pegasus took in a deep breath, her hooves trembling in excitement.  “This is possibly my greatest idea since using a catapult to teach Scootaloo how to fly!”

“Wait… what?”

“Oh, uh… that’s not important now anyway!  What’s important is this amazingly-spectacular, super-original, totally-radical idea that I had!  I mean, it’s amaz—“

“Ah get it Rainbow, wouldja just get on with it?”  Applejack, more than used to her friend’s “ideas”, couldn’t hide the exasperation in her voice.

“Well, what if you did,”  She turned to look the opposite direction, staring directly at a large appletree.  “Pause for dramatic effect,”  She muttered the words to the tree, barely containing her laughter at her friend’s irritation.

“Uh, Rainbow, who are yo—“

“Rainbow cider!?”  Rainbow Dash suddenly turned around, her wings flapping excitedly as she presented her idea, an eager glee filling her eyes as she waved her hooves in the air.  “Just think about it, who wants just plain old boring cider anymore?”

“Ah can think of somepony who always pitches a fit when she doesn’t get none.”  Applejack muttered the phrase under her breath.

“So, how about RAINBOW cider?  I was thinking that you could make it with the Zap Apples.”  The excited smile that was plastered on her friend’s face made Applejack sigh internally as she smiled back.

“Well… uh… that sounds like it might be pretty good Rainbow, but… uh… Cider season is over now, and um… we still sold out, Ah think we’re fine with what we got.”  She gestured to the empty barrels to show that they did indeed sell all of their promised cider to the town of Ponyville.

“But what if you’re not fine, AJ?”  Rainbow slowly came back down to touch the ground, her wings drooping slightly as the impact of her friend’s dubious thoughts of her ‘brilliant idea’ hit her.  “What if the ponies want something new?”

Applejack rolled her eyes, more irritation building in her body and escaping in the form of a sigh.  “Rainbow, if they wanted something new they wouldn’t have bought what we’ve got already.”

“But—“

“No ‘buts’ Dash, we got plenty of market secured, and Ah sure as hay ain’t gonna go for a far-fetched idea like that and mess it up.  Sorry, thanks and all, but no.”  Rainbow Dash’s mouth opened to object again, but Applejack shook her head quickly and turned away, cutting off all attempts at reasoning from the cyan pony.

“Fine then.  Be that way.  But when you lose all your sales, don’t come crying to me!”  The angry pegasus took off into the sky, tears of betrayal leaking from the corners of her eyes as she flew into the air.  Then another idea hit her, bigger and better than the first one.  “You know what AJ?”  She turned around and flew closer to the earth pony that was staring up at her.  “I’m gonna make my own cider business!  And it’s gonna be totally more awesome than yours is!”  She turned away and darted away before the stunned orange pony could say a word, her rainbow trail cutting into the blue of the sky.

“Oh Rainbow…”  Applejack shook her head sadly and turned away to head back home after what felt like a day full of hard work, the heavy weight of guilt sitting on her heart and mind.

The air flowed around her body, tossing her hair back and pulling at her wings as she glided over Ponyville.  The ponies below were walking about their normal business, turning to chat to each other for a few moments before continuing on their way.  A few looked up and waved to her, but she was too deep in thought to notice their actions.  “Now… where would I find somepony who’d know how to make something tasty?”  She looked behind her, searching the ground for inspiration.

Pain flared across her back as she stopped, her vision shaking from the collision with whatever it was she had hit.  She rubbed a hoof on the back of her head, trying to rub away the pain that came from the building that had halted her flight.  “Ow… what the hay wa—“  It was as if a light bulb was switched on in her mind, and she gasped aloud.  “Pinkie Pie!”  She cheered as she flew upwards into the air, looping around to land outside the door to Sugar Cube Corner.  She held up a hoof to knock on the door.

“Hi Dashie!”  Rainbow leapt into the air with a shout of fright, her hooves planting themselves on the overhanging roof, her wings working to hold her there upside-down as she looked down at the pony responsible for scaring her.  Pinkie Pie lay on the ground, practically rolling in the dirt as she snorted with laughter.  “Oh Dashie, you look… so funny up there!  It was so… so funny… I can’t believe… that you’d fly… fly up to the ceiling!”  The pink earth pony descended into hysterical giggles, gasping for more air to fuel her laughter.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and chuckled at her friend’s antics, poking at her side with a hoof.  “Very funny Pinkie.  Can we go inside?”

“Sure, can you pick me up?”  Pinkie looked up at her with a pleading expression, her hooves held out to her.  Rainbow groaned and reached out a hoof to pull Pinkie to her own.  A buzzing shock ran through her body as their hooves touched, sending her hair out in every direction.  The mischievous pony giggled, flipping her hoof over to reveal a joy buzzer that was situated on the underside of her hoof.  “Gotcha again, Dashie!  Boy, you sure aren’t as good at this game anymore!  Oh well, it’s still fun!”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t suppress a groan as she smoothed her hair back down to its normal state.  “Yeah.  Real fun Pinks.  Now can we please go inside?  I wanted to talk to you about something.”  Remorse filled her as the fluffy pink mane trembled slightly at Dash’s words.  “Sorry Pinkie, I’m just a little upset today.”

The party pony brightened immediately, a large smile plastered on her face as she took a deep breath.  “I know how to turn that sad frown upside-down!”  Pinkie pulled out a small box and stood on top of it, tapping her hoof slightly to the music that projected itself from somewhere.  “My name is Pinkie Pie!  Pinkie’s song filled the street with its magic, causing the ponies that were within the radius to smile involuntarily.  Rainbow Dash found herself with a large smile on her own face as well.  “And I am here to sa—”  Rainbow Dash’s cyan hoof cut off the rest of the contagious song as it covered Pinkie’s mouth.  Rainbow’s smile, as well as the other ponies’, slightly faded as the last of the words faded from her memory.

“That’s all right Pinks, I think I’ll be okay.”  Pinkie Pie nodded, a muffled noise coming from where Rainbow’s hoof was.  “Oops, sorry.”  She pulled away her hoof and set it back on the ground, looking Pinkie in the eyes.  “I just needed to talk to you about something.”

The party pony stood there, looking at Rainbow with a serious expression; almost too serious for the pink pony to maintain.  “Okay then, what’s up Dashie?”  Her voice was slowed, as if she was putting all of her effort into maintaining the mask of focus.

For a few moments, nothing was said as Rainbow waited for Pinkie Pie to lead the way inside the store.  She kicked at the dirt a few times, digging a tiny hole.  She looked up from her project at Pinkie Pie, who was watching her cyan hoof’s movements intently.  “Uh, Pinkie?  I wanted to talk to you?”

“Yes?”

The world spun slightly as she rolled her eyes.  “Inside?”

The earth pony snapped out of her trance, jumping slightly and snorting with laughter.  “Oh!  Dashie why didn’t you just say so?!”  She bounced into the building, the door opening on its own as she approached.

How did that door just…?  Wait, she’s Pinkie Pie.  Yeah, not going to think about it.  Rainbow shook her head in disbelief as she pushed open the door to step inside.  Pinkie was already sitting at a table, a pair of cupcakes resting in front of the opposite seat, her own already been devoured and slightly smeared over her lips.  Rainbow sat down lightly, bewaring any pranks that Pinkie would try to pull.  Fortunately, there were none to be found, and she picked up a cupcake.  “All right, Pinks, I just got a totally awesome idea.”  She paused to take a bite of her cupcake, her eyes widening at the intense heat that burned along her tongue.  She leapt from her chair and dunked her head in the water bucket that somehow appeared next to the table.  When she resurfaced, Pinkie was looking at her with concern in her eyes.

“Oh, Dashie, were those too hot?  Maybe I put too many peppers in them, or maybe it was too much hot sauce.  What do you think, Dashie?”  She excited earth pony bounced around her, yelling out the words for no apparent reason.  “Hot sauce?  Pepper?  Hot sauce?  Pepper?  Hot—“

“I think that cupcakes are supposed to be sweet, Pinkie, not burning hot.”

“Just sweet?  What’s the fun in that!?  I mean, talk about boooring!  I figured hot would make them more fun!”  Pinkie grabbed Dash’s uneaten cupcake, tossing it into her mouth and moaning.  “Maybe you’re right though, they could be hotter than just plain old burning hot!”  The bouncing blur stopped as the pink pony put a hoof to her chin.  “Let’s see, what’s hotter than burning?  Oooh, maybe those rainbows from Cloudsdale!  Those were really, really, rea—“

“Wait, Pinkie!  That’s it!”  Rainbow jumped up in excitement, grabbing and shaking Pinkie’s hoof that was held up to her chin in thought.  “Th-th-th-thanks P-P-Pinkie!”  She managed to say through the electric shock that was coursing through her.  “S-s-s-see you later!”  With that, she let go of the baker and dashed out of the door, her rainbow trail following close behind.

Pinkie’s hoof was still shaking air as she watched the pegasus fly into the sky.  “No problem Dashie!”  She called out of the window, turning to open the kitchen’s refrigerator.  “Now… where are those liquid rainbows that the Cakes bought?  I mean, Twilight’s birthday is coming up soon…”

“I’m sorry Dash, but I can’t give you any rainbows this month, we’ve got nothin’ extra.”  The gruff factory pony patted her on the shoulder before returning his attention to his clipboard.  “I can’t even tell why you want this much of the stuff; it’s not like rainbows take this much juice.  I mean come on, fifty gallons of each color?”  The pegasus shook his head.  “Even if I did have extra to give you, I wouldn’t give you this much anyway.”  When Rainbow’s head slowly fell, he looked over to her sadly.  “Sorry kiddo, no can do.”

“B-but, Hard Hat, how am I supposed to make ‘Rainbow Dash Cider’ without my signature rainbows?”  She kicked at a small puff of cloud, obliterating the innocent ball of condensed water vapor.  “I really ne—“

“Wait… did you say… you were going to make cider with these rainbows?”  The brown worker pony looked at her with a curious eye, confusion warring with wonder in his mind.  “You do know that these here rainbows aren’t the tastiest of colors… right?”  He scratched at his head as he looked at a vat of the aforementioned rainbows.

“Yeah yeah, I know that,” Rainbow shuddered at the recalled taste that she had had as a filly.  “But they are the one thing I need to make this cider taste even better!”  She winced at how childish she sounded, but she gritted her teeth and continued.  “I mean, cider is good and all, but it doesn’t have any kick to it.  And what’s a Rainbow Dash brand cider without Rainbows?”  She stood up and struck a pose that strove for maximum coolness.  “Not awesome is what it is.”

Hard Hat, more than used to Dash’s theatrics, sighed wearily.  “Dash, you can stop all that.  I suppose I can let you have some rainbows.  But,” he quickly added as Rainbow’s eyes brightened immensely.  “I can only let you have half of what you want, so make it count.”  He smiled at her and chuckled.  “I still can’t get why you’d make cider of all th—“  The rest of his sentence was cut off as Rainbow tackled him in a hug, squeezing the air from his lungs.  “Er… Dash?  You’re kinda… choking me.”

Rainbow’s face flushed as she pulled away from the disheveled, brown pegasus, lifting a hoof to brush through her mane and leaning against the wall in an attempt to regain her coolness.  “Oh, sorry about that.  Gotta keep it cool, just lost it for a second.”  She looked him in the eyes, her dead serious expression melting into one of mirth as he stared back at her.  She flew into him to give him another swift hug, this one thankfully less painful, before flying out the door of the factory.

He watched as the rainbow streak disappeared into the clouds, rubbing his back that was still sore from the first hug.  “Best worker I’ve ever had.  Shame to see her go to simple weather duty.  Oh well,” he turned away from the door and looked about his factory, a feeling of duty coming back to weigh on his shoulders.  “Better go tell the boys to work double-time, I wish I was only lying about that rainbow shortage.”

She bucked her hind legs into the tree, grunting as the shock ran through them.  The sounds of falling apples surrounded her as they fell into the buckets that she had put around the tree.  Without pausing, she trotted over to another tree and gave it a strong buck.  Her orange hoof wiped away the sweat that dripped down her face, casting it aside to nourish the ground with the moisture.  “You all right over there, Big Mac?”  Her voice called it over the trees and she stopped to listen for his response.

Sure enough, his deep voice came through the trunks of the trees.   “Eeyup.”  A few apple trees shuddered as a crack rang out over the orchard.  “Oops.”  Her brother’s voice was tinged with a hint of guilt as it found its way to her ears.  She shook her head as she trotted through the gathered trees, searching for the cause of her brother’s words.

A light giggle reached her ears and caused her to spin around.  “Rainbow Dash!  What are you doin’ in mah farm?”

The cyan pegasus smiled innocently at her from atop an apple tree, releasing another small giggle as she held her hooves behind her back.  “Just stopped by to ask you, AJ, do you have any apples that I could get from you?”  Rainbow flew into the air and looped once before landing on the ground.  She looked at Applejack with eyes that screamed trouble.  “Please?”

Applejack felt her eyebrows rise as she backed away from the pony in front of her.  “Whatcha need mah apples for, Rainbow?”  She couldn’t keep the suspicious tone from her voice and Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened and a pout came to her lip as she heard it.

“W-what?  You don’t trust me?  I just wanted something to take to my sick old grandmother.”  Applejack’s eyebrows climbed higher as she leaned against the tree, a look of skepticism etched into her face.  “Oh cmon, AJ, you know I’d never betray a friend!”

“Nothin’ doin, Rainbow.  I know a lie when I hear one.  You want some apples to make that crazy cider you were talkin about earlier.”

“No I’m not!”  The raised eyebrow climbed higher still.  “Okay maybe I am, but could you please help me out, AJ?  It’s a really good idea!”  The earth pony shook her head, coming off of the tree and bucking into it.  “Um… AJ?”  The apples rained around her as she turned away from the confused cyan pegasus.  “Applejack?”

“Take ‘em.  Figured I might as well see this new-fangled ‘rainbow cider’ you were talkin’ about.”  She smiled over her shoulder at her long-time friend.  “But don’t think you’ll beat the good ol’  Apple Family cider.”  She kicked at another tree, sending the fruits of her labor into the buckets that waited with open tops.  “And don’t think you’ll get any Zap Apples, cuz we already harvested them earlier.  No more till’ next year.”

“Aw yeah!  Thanks, AJ!  And don’t worry about the rainbow part.  I got it covered!”  The rainbow-maned pony gathered up the fallen apples and stuffed them into her saddlebags.  “See ya!”

Applejack looked up from her work and watched the rainbow trail follow the speeding pegasus.  “Rainbow part?  Oh well, not mah problem.”  Suddenly she remembered the reason she had stopped her work in the first place.  “Oh no, Big Mac, did you kick over some more trees?  Again?”  She looked over to see the red form of her brother stiffen.

“Ee…yup.”