Pinkie Accidentally Becomes A Registered Sex Offender
The morning was an especially beautiful one. The birds were singing and the wind made pleasant swaying swishes as the trees overhead rustled. The town was doing it's daily morning routine of adults heading to work and kids staying home and doing whatever it was that kids and teenagers do. Even though it was Monday, school was out because of agricultural labor day. Something that the town of Ponyville took more seriously as a holiday than any other town or city. For Ponyville, an Earth pony founded town. Agriculture was probably the biggest reason they are still financially stable as a community. That and all the assault rifles they were hoarding in Twilight's castle that they have in case the state or the Princesses try to pull anything. Everyone knows it's there, but they want to keep quiet about it. Nobody in Ponyville has paid any taxes to the crown for 47 years and they want to keep it that way.
Pinkie was at the front door of Sugar Cube Corner, saddle bags ready. The morning sun shined through her mane as she said goodbye to the cake family.
"Make sure you don't break anything like you did last time you visited Manehatten, Pinkie. We're still financially recovering from what happened last year." Mrs. Cake said with a laugh, but also with a hint of frustration in her voice.
Pinkie didn't respond, instead nodding her head and immediately bee lining towards the train. Pinkie dust filling the air while she shot away in a sideways mushroom cloud poof.
Mr. Cake commented, "She sure seems in a rush this morning, doesn't she? She barely gives us a couple hours notice before telling us about her trip, yet she thinks it's gonna be easy for us to find a substitute for her the next couple days. Sometimes, I wonder if she even has any sense of courtesy in her at all." His frustration was more noticeable.
"Maybe she'll tell us why she left in the first place when she gets back" Mrs. Cake semi sarcastically said, rubbing her eyes with her hoof. She only had a few hours of sleep last night because Pinkie was consuming the roof pancakes that she was cooking on top of the building and the thumping kept waking her up.
Mr cake looked around at the ponies going about their morning thoughtfully. "I wonder if Carrot Top is still open for part time."
Pinkie arrived at the train about 3 nanoseconds before it took off, not even going through the door, but smashing face first through the window and landing on the floor between the seats. She quickly took to hiding the broken shards of glass in her saddle bag and pulled out a perfectly new train window pane she conveniently had in her bag and replaced the destroyed hole where the window used to be. The conductor popped his head through the door.
"What just happened? Did something break?" He asked, viewing the room, scanning for a broken window. He looked Pinkie in the eyes and asked, "Did you break something, Pinkie?"
Pinkie locked eye contact and firmly said "No."
They stared at each other for about 10 seconds before he went back to the control room. Pinkie wiped the sweat off her forehead with a sigh and immediately went into a power nap that lasted for a number of hours, until she got to Manehatten. Now that she wasn't in a rush any longer as she was already on the train, she can operate at a slower pace. The roof pancake campaign of the previous sundown took a toll on her energy. Even though she was Pinkie, she still needed to sleep like everybody else.
Pinkie woke to the sound of a concerned stallion's voice. "Excuse me, miss. Are you okay?"
Pinkie looked up with a snot bubble coming out of her nose. "Huh?" She glanced up to see him looking over her body briefly to see if she was injured. Suddenly, all her energy came back. She jumped up off the dirty floor she spent the entirety of the train ride on and smiled "I'm fine. Just taking my hourly 8 hour nap." She picked up her saddle bag and left the confused stallion to stand there looking back at her exiting the train.
It was early evening now and the sun was starting to lower, she had a few hours before she had to go to her hotel room. In Ponyville, it's rather easy to find a random place to sleep. Like somebody's flower garden or the closet of someone's bedroom. Typically in a small rural town, there are lots of much more comfortable places to improvise slumber than in a city. Everything is made of concrete, brick and steel, very cold and hard surfaces to sleep on. She might not necessarily need a bed, but she definitely needs to be inside. She was just sleeping like 1 and a half minutes ago, so she won't need to do it again for probably another full day. In the meantime, she is going to do what she came here for, annoying the city folk for incredibly vaguely discernible reasons that even she isn't completely aware of herself.
As she made her way down a completely random suburban neighborhood street on her way to the hotel that was on the polar opposite end of the city, she came across multiple kids playing basketball in someones backyard. Most of them were colts but there was one filly who was unusually tall for her age. Pinkie smiled and shouted, "Hi, kids!"
Normally in Ponyville, the colts and fillies love it when she says hi to them as everyone knows who she is. But whenever she goes to somewhere other than her hometown, kids are understandably weirded out by her. "Uhh, hi?" The filly said, snark clear in her voice. All the kids were looking at her now.
Pinkie continued walking, a little embarrassed. She nervously laughed. "Heh, right. I gotta tone down the eccentricity while out here." She continues to walk, seeing many cute foals along the way.
Pinkie smiled as she trotted, "Boy, I love kids."
Pinkie wasn't used to being in places with such dense population. The houses only had about 15 centimetres of distance between them. It felt kind of like those children's books that she would read to Pound and Pumpkin. Everything looked too normal to be... normal. The kids in the neighborhood seemed pretty sad. Pinkie was used to seeing smiling happy kids all day, everyday and it made her heart ache. One colt was sitting out on the edge of the sidewalk.
Pinkie thought for a second. "Well, I have time, maybe I can spend a pinch cheering up some kiddies like I always do." She approached the colt.
"Hey there little guy! Why do you look so sad?" Pinkie called to the boy. He looked up to her.
"Who are you?" He asked simply. It wasn't everyday some random mare walked up to you and asked you such a random question.
Pinkie continued to smile "I'm just a friendly pony hoping to make everyone's day shine like the sun! What's your name?"
"My name is Hoop Toss. I like to play basketball. I'm not especially good at it because I'm short, but I like it."
"Would some candy cheer you up?"
The child gave Pinkie a quizzical look, as if a red flag popped up in his brain. "Candy? You want to give me candy?"
"Why sure!" Pinkie responded. She pulled out 2 chocolate bars. "Do you like milk chocolate or white chocolate?"
Any worry the kid had was immediately swallowed up by his desire for chocolate. "Okay! I like all kinds of chocolate." He said, starting to perk up.
Pinkie, completely lost in thinking about all the ways to make this little colt happy, asked "Would you like to follow me to my hotel and I'll throw you a party?" His eyes shot wide open.
"A party?! I haven't had a party since I was 3. Will there be cake?" He asked, teeming with joy.
"Yepperonies! Just come with me, little guy. I'll throw you the best party you've ever had." Pinkie was now feeling much better, knowing she made some kid's day brighter." They walked off in the direction of the hotel Pinkie was going to stay at.
Little did they know, the tall filly who was playing soccer earlier was watching them from the yard with a shocked expression.
"Oh my gosh..."
As they checked into the hotel, Pinkie dropped her saddlebags on the floor and started preparing the cake for the random "cheer up" party the she was giving to the kid she now found herself with in this somewhat secluded private hotel room. The colt sat down on the sofa and started to look around where he was. Now that his mind wasn't particularly focused on the food at the moment, he started to question what exactly it was he agreed to. He looked at the walls and pictures. The relatively clean and nice looking place. He started to grow visibly nervous, like he should be worried about something. He realized he agreed to go with someone who he never met before and enter their home. He started to sweat.
Pinkie put the cake in the oven and brought over the chocolate that she promised. "Here you go." She said as she handed him the milk chocolate.
He looked at her nervously and then at the chocolate. Then back at her and the chocolate, before finally biting into it and starting to eat it messily. Bits of chocolate splattered onto his belly as he ate it, sitting on the sofa.
Pinkie gasped. "You can't waste expensive chocolate like this, you have to eat the whole thing! If you won't have all of it then I guess I have to." He looked up confused.
Pinkie bent down and with complete social obliviousness, started to lick the chocolate off the colt's belly.
The child screamed which caused Pinkie to recoil. He clutched the back of the sofa, heaving heavy breaths, his heart pounding. "Why... Why... Why did you..." He stuttered. "You gave me candy... and brought me here... and then you... then you..." Tears started to form in his eyes. "Mother told me about ponies like you. You're a... you're a... p-predator!!"
He immediately sprinted out of the room as fast as he could shrieking like a ghost in a haunted mansion. Pinkie watched in shock, just starting to realize everything she did today based on what the child just told her. The cogs in her brain clunking at maximum efficiency. She sat down on her haunches silently for about 30 seconds, then started to panic.
"Uh oh..."
