Insert Neko, Press Play

If you would have told me a month ago that I was going to work at a karaoke bar in Ponyville soon, I would have called you insane. Me, in Ponyville, Equestria? Having a job? That's quite an optimistic idea, especially in these days where being unemployed is the norm.

And yet, I'm standing here, in a karaoke bar in Ponyville, Equestria. Renting rooms to all kind of colt's and filly's, ready to embarrass themselves trying to sing all the modern party songs or ruining a beloved classic. Well, most of them; sometimes I need to explain how the machine work. Not everypony is a karaoke fan, let alone good with machines. But anyway: Great fun to be had for everypony! Well, everypony, not me. I'm still trying to get over my outfit. It's a dark red one that reminds me of something I don't want to be reminded of. And no, I'm not going to explain, I would become way to personal. And believe me: You don't want that. Still, who would have thought I would be in Equestria, having a JOB of all things? I'm not going to let a outfit ruin this opportunity. You'll have to come with something a lot worse than that!

"Wow! A real human!"

"Don't y'all know they really exist?"

"Uhm...No, I do...Now."

I look over the counter to see three little fillies. Not just three fillies of course, THE three fillies. The left one was the fluffy one with the horn, with the soft pink, soft purple mane, and white coat called Sweetie Belle. The one on the right was the bold one with wings, a darker purple mane and orange coat, and a awesome name: Scootaloo. Damn, I love that name. 'Scootaloo'. Scoot-Scoot-Scootaloo! And then in the middle we had Apple Bloom of course. Yellow coat, and a big cute bow to hold her red mane together. She looks over at me with her amber eyes. Scootaloo looks around with her purple eyes, can't seem to focus on anywhing. And Sweetie Belle... Wow, those green eyes are pretty striking! Reminds me of the big sister of the filly that is about to speak up...

"Uhm, one room fur three please."

Isn't Apple Bloom kind of the quasi leader of the group? Why actually? I think it's the bow. Does big bows give ponies authority around here? Well, one thing is for sure: It's so CUTE.

"Sure, for how long?"

"Uhm... Ah hour?"

"Okay then. That would be 8 bits."

They scrap together every last bit they had. I pick up key nr 3C and throw it over to the quasi leader. She snaps it out of the air with her cute little mouth. Did I mention she was cute?

I see them trotting into their room. Right when I'm ready to remind myself that I think they are really cute, my boss starts yelling in my ear...

"DID YOU JUST GIVE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS A KEY?!"

"...The cutie mark what now?"

Why did I just act like I don't know who they are? Oh, right. To try to cover up my ass for something I shouldn't have done apparently.

"Those FILLY'S you just let in nearly destroyed one of my karaoke machines last time! THE WHOLE BOOTH WAS COVERED IN TREE SAP!"

...How did they manage to pull that off? Before I can ask why, the boss looks me straight in the eyes and says...

"You got them in there, you get them out. And you will clean and repay everything."

"...I'm on it."

Sighing, I walk over to room 3C. What was so bad about them anyway? I open the door. Scootaloo is standing there ready to give hell. Just when I'm about to speak, I'm blown away by a loud off-key blast caused by Scootaloo's voice, amplified though the speakers.

Trying to get my head to stop ringing and to get up, I'm blasted again with a loud note to my head. Damn, I know bad singing can hurt the ears, but I never would have thought it could blast you away like that! Let alone by the voice of such a small filly! Alright, she's of course amplified by a big ass speaker that's even bigger then me. How did they get that big thing over here? Oh, yeah... 'Unicorns'. They lift these things with their magic. Still, it must have been hard...

Alright, how do I get those filly's out of there? They aren't that heavy right? I could just pick them up, say sorry to them for not letting them continue, and give them a refund. Easy right? I only have to get close, but how?

Then I heard that Scootaloo was done singing. Alright, this is my chance! So I run right into their room just to be blasted off by another blast. Only this time it was perfectly on key.

Recovering from a ringing head again, I hear a smooth, power female jazzy voice. It see that it was coming from Sweetie Belle's mouth. Impressive... I knew she had such a voice. But to see her singing like that, and to hear it for real, is... I don't actually have words for it, it's so beautiful.

So simply walk in and pick them up isn't going to cut it: When I try to, I get blasted away by the amplified sound of filly power. Maybe I have to lure them out with something. Candy? What do they even consider to be candy here? Oh, right. Cupcakes, muffins, cotton candy, chocolate rain... I should facepalm myself for not thinking that up, but my head is already hurt, so I give myself a break this time.

So I run over to Sugarcube Corner. Luckly, it's still open. Luckily, only Mrs. Cake seem to be around. I don't feel like Pinkie getting all obsessed and throwing a party for me right now. So I order 3 strawberry cupcakes, because there wasn't much choice anymore actually. I pay of course, and then run back with them to the karaoke bar and then knocked on door 3C. The music stops, and three fillies open the door.

"Hi girls! Want a strawberry cupcake?"

They look at each other like I said something very weird. The fluffy one then looks at me and says...

"We're sorry, we can't take anything from strangers. Rarity says that's dangerous."

"Ah don't even like strawberry..."

Ugh. Should have known APPLE Bloom likes APPLES. Wait a minute... I'm talking to them! Why don't I just ask them?

"Girls, I'm sorry, but my boss said you can't be here anymore after last time. Could you please leave? I'll give you a refund of course."

Now I feel extremely stupid for thinking up and trying to force them out of here. Why didn't I think they would be understand and...

"Nope!"

Scootaloo grabs her friends and slams the door in my face. The impossible just happened: I feel even more stupid then 'extremely stupid' for trusting they would just leave if I asked nicely. Now I have to think of something really clever to even this out...

So I went thinking while eating some strawberry cupcakes. Hmm... They are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, crusading for cutie marks... I have to do something with that. Hmm, Strawberry! I like strawberry...

"ARE YOU EATING CUPCAKES ON THE JOB?!"

Oh crap, my boss...

"Uhm, yes?"

"WELL AT LEAST SHARE THEN!"

"Sure boss, take the last two. They're yours."

"Oh! Thank you very much! NOW GET THOSE FILLY'S OUT OF MY BOOTH!"

Yeah... Not only did I have a worse headache now, I also lost my two last strawberry cupcakes. Now I'm sad...

No, I don't have time to be sad. I have to get The Cutie Mark Crusaders out of that booth. It has to do something with cutie marks. Next to me is a fridge with a pen, a notebook, some tape, and a rope on it. Yup, those conveniently placed together things give me an idea!

So I pull open the fridge and pull out the weirdest colored bottle I can find. This blue one will do! Then I write 'Cutie Mark Sap. 100% guaranteed cutie mark in 10 seconds flat!' Then I tape the note really tight on the bottle, throw the rope around it. Now I only have to put the bottle in front of the door, knock it, run outside, and get ready to pull.

Scootaloo opens the door slightly and then jumps on the bottle straight away. I start to pull the bottle, and Scootaloo, towards me. The other two crusaders follow shortly after the bottle. And Scootaloo, who tries to open the bottle. She succeed, and downs the whole content. Then she let go of the bottle, slighting twisting and turning her head as if she was dizzy. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle stop running and look at Scootaloo's flank. What was in the bottle actually? The bottle was now in front of me. I pick it up, tear the taped up note of it, and...

'Vinyl Scratch's Blue Thunder. Energy drink for raving ruffians!'

Fuck. I just gave a really strong energy drink to a filly who's known for wrecking things, and covering it with tree sap.

Scootaloo stands up, pupils small, and ready to rave like a ruffian. Only she does not do the Melbourne Shuffle. She starts flying all over the place, destroying pot of plants and lamps. Tearing apart curtains and carpets. And making sure I get fired. Well okay, it's mostly my fault. I shouldn't have lured them with a bottle of 'Vinyl Scratch's Blue Thunder'.

Then the little raving ruffian starts to calm down a bit. She walks over to Apple Bloom and fully kisses her right on the mouth. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. How old are they actually? Before I can do a estimate, Scootaloo kisses Sweetie Belle full on the mouth. Great, she's a player too!

"WHAT IN CELESTIA'S NAME HAS HAPPENED HERE?!"

Oh hi boss. I was wondering where you were...

"DID YOU GIVE THAT PEGASUS FILLY A CAN OF ENERGY DRINK?!"

"Uhm, not energy drink; 'Vinyl Scratch's Blue Thunder'."

"Ha ha. Very funny. NOW LOOK AT MY PLACE! EVERYTHING IS BROKEN AROUND HERE!"

"Well... At least it's not covered in tree sap?"

-=====-

Great. Not only did I have to pay for the damage, I have to work it together elsewhere. Where can I find a job, very quick? My question is very quickly answered: I stand for a love hotel, looking for employees to start right away.

...Wait, they have love hotels over here? So these My Little Ponies aren't that innocent as I thought they were...

-=====-

I was hired right on the spot. I don't even have to wear a outfit! It isn't very different from my last job. Only here, I don't have to explain how everything works. And I'm really glad I don't have to: That would be the most embarrassing thing ever! Almost as embarrassing as it would be if The Cutie Mark Crusaders came here and rent a room!

"Hey! It's that human from last time!"

...I look down, and indeed...

"...One room fur three please."

This is so many layers of wrong...