"Alright, this is the place," Ace said, opening the wooden front door to the house. "Now, be careful when you're—"

A trio of coloured blurs whizzed by him through the door, kicking up dust and in one case leaving wheel-tracks on the carpet.

"I call the top bunk!" said Scootaloo, zooming past on her skateboard.

"I call the bottom bunk!" Sweetie Belle yelled, her voice squeaking adorably as she ran after her friend.

"I call... wait, who said there was a bunk any-who?" Applebloom had followed Sweetie and Scoots at a considerably lower speed, but still fast enough to zoom past Ace and into the game room before even taking a chance to get the look of the house's interior.

"Slow down you three! No running inside the house outside of the designated play areas!" Ace's voice was slightly harried already, and at only five minutes into the start of the night, he was starting to feel like he'd gotten himself stuck in a very sweet but also very large and sticky barrel of melted sugar. And was sinking fast.

The house—Ace's house, which he'd built himself at the outskirts of Ponyville, something of a cross between an eventual retirement-insurance and secret dream project. Looking back, getting a permit to build had been harder than any of the actual construction, but that was probably only because Ace had a decade plus cutie mark of experience building and repairing around Ponyville. Plotting the design, laying the foundation, watching something that two weeks ago had just been a flicker in your imagination, and was now a real living, physical thing, that you could stand next to, or walk inside, or turn on the freaking lights and shut the door and watch Die Hoof1. After the kids were in bed, mind you.

Two equally small but much lower velocity fillies, one pink, one grey, also followed through the door behind Ace, this time both members making sure to wipe their hooves on the now partially-dislodged entrance-mat.

Behind Ace's back as he shut the door, Diamond Tiara gave her friend the classic head-tilt-rolled-eyes combo, that otherwise translated in this occasion meant "ohmigosh what are those cutie mark lose-saders DOING", and Silver Spoon's over-exaggerated sigh and mane-flip spelled the "I know, right?" that completed the unspoken exchange. One that had been repeated many, many times.

From the sounds of the other room, a combination of drawers opening and high-speed chattering, it seemed like the Cutie Mark Crusaders had set up shop in the game room, and were largely ignoring any attempts to curb their initial and almost-limitless enthusiasm.

"Look!" Scootaloo's voice came, loud enough to carry around the corner. "There's like fifty games in here! ...and this one has a freaking Ninja on the cover!" The sound of more scrabbling followed, most-likely Scootaloo shuffling through the extensive stack of entertainment titles she'd just stumbled upon.

"There's a whole shelf full of board games too," Sweetie piped in, evidently at the board-game shelf in question. "Monopony, Croup... Ooh! Who wants to play 13 Cattle Drive2 with me?"

"Ooh, I do, I do" Applebloom said.

"Wait for the rest of us," Ace said. He made sure the door was locked and then straightened the mat for future use. Diamond and Silver, he noticed, were still behind him, waiting patiently and smiling sweetly up at him. "Aw. You two are so well-behaved. Your parents taught you very good manners."

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon shared a look, smiling, before answering in unison.

"Thanks, Mr. Ace!"

They giggled with each other, hooves at their mouths, and even got a little chuckle out of Ace, even though he wasn't necessarily sure what he was laughing at.

"Anyway... so this is my place. It's not much," he chuckled softly, "but I built it myself. You've already seen the garden, but there's a pool in the backyard—"

"A POOL?!?!" Diamond and Silver gasped, their unison this time totally unintentional.

Ace smiled and nodded. "—yes, a pool, we can go see that in a little bit... this is the entrance room, as you probably guessed, heh..." Ace gestured through the open area to the next room, which, containing a fine oak kitchen table, fridge, stove, and a sizable set of pans and cooking utensils hanging there, was most definitely not a bathroom, but more likely some kind of strange performance art studio—no, okay. Come on. It was the kitchen-slash-dining room3.

"That's the dining room and kitchen, obviously," Ace said, wondering whether or not he remembered to pay his incidental narrator bill, and, if not, what the quality of his surrounding exposition might endure otherwise. "If you go up the stairs you'll get to the guest rooms, which, uh, I guess you'll be in, although I hadn't figured out sleeping arrangements yet... uh, and there's my room, right at the end." Ace pointed to a modest but still-impressive white double-door set at the end of the upstairs. "That's where I... sleep. Uh." Ace put a hoof behind his head, suddenly and incurably afflicted with "why-exactly-am-I-talking-about-this-itis"4.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both got the giggles, but Silver Spoon was almost overcome by hers, and had to lean on Diamond Tiara for balance as she wiped a the water out of her eyes.

"You're funny, Mr. Ace," Diamond Tiara said, batting her eyelashes and smiling sweetly up at her foalsitter.

Even coming from a pony as young as Diamond Tiara, the seemingly-genuine compliment went right to Ace's heart. He was a sucker for somepony who made him feel special. His cheeks began to warm as he felt the blush creep in.

"Oh... well, thank you." He chortled a little, then tapped at his chin with his hoof, eyes wandering slightly as he found his place in the tour. "Now, is there anything else I—oh, right! The game room! Hey, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, Scootaloo—are you three doing okay in there?" Ace yelled loud enough for his voice to reach through the open game room door, but whatever the Cutie Mark Crusaders were doing now, it had reduced their volume level to almost zero—which, in the opinion of any experienced foalsitter, especially when dealing with three foals as well-meaningly mischievous as the CMC, was most certainly bad news. A foals natural state was running around screaming like a ring-tailed lemur before its coffee. Silence meant they were up-to-something.

"Girls?" Ace called to the other room again, still with no answer. "Oh, alright. Let's go check on them and see what they're up to. Shall we, girls?"

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon shared one last knowing smile before splitting up onto either side of Aerial Ace. Silver Spoon reached out and took one of his hooves in-between both of hers on his right side. Diamond Tiara did the same on his left.

Though it took a few seconds for him to adjust to needing both his hind-legs to walk, and also to the raw cuteness power of each filly on either side of him, Ace managed to find a comfortable balance, and smiled cheerfully at Diamond and Silver as he lead them towards the game room.

"I can tell we'll have night," Ace said. "It was just convenient that I was available when every other adult in Ponyville was suddenly called away on mysterious, classified business." Ace paused, lowering an eyebrow, focus lost to an invisible equation. "Actually, now that I think about it, that's a kind of strange. Or, weird, I mean, maybe."

DT and SS shared a look behind Ace's back. Diamond Tiara added an 'I-got-this' wink at the end of hers.

"That is weird," Diamond said, making her eyes as wide as they could go. "What do you think happened to everypony?" Batted her eyelashes, innocently. Like a sweet, pink, marshmallow puppy dog. Maybe cut that one out.

Ace shrugged. "Who knows. I just know they'll be back tomorrow, so you five are stuck with me for the night."

Ugh. Stuck with the Cutie Mark Lame-saders all night? How could things get any worse?

But of course, any filly as prestigious and privileged as Diamond Tiara goes not forward without a careful plan for every scenario in her purse or pocket. Or just kind of, you know, floating ambiently around in her brain. Diamond Tiara had so many plans, she had organized a small filing system for the most nefarious, tucked away in the volumes of her memory to be deployed at the most impactful date and time.

Today was the day for Operation: HOTSAUCE.

But that meant... ugh.

She needed the Cutie Mark Cru—she needed Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo—she needed the the stupid ponies in the other room to do something under her direction for once in their life. Or everything might go wrong.

All she could do now was pray.

When Ace and the two fillies finally got to the game room, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, subject of so much pontification, were nowhere to be seen. The big-screen T.V. was untouched, and nopony was sitting on the couch or the beanbag chair. The closet door was, however, conveniently and damningly askew just a bit...

"REEEEEE!" Scootaloo screeched, launching herself out of the closet at full velocity, tiny wings flapping for extra momentum as she rocketed towards Ace and the Diamond/Silver duo5. Ace was quick enough to react, bracing himself and catching the miniature orange filly like a jet-propelled chicken, which became a ball of orange feathers and kicking feet in his hooves. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were less prepared for sudden velocity increases in nearby fillies, both jumped alarmedly into each other's hooves, realized that nopony was holding either of them up, and then fell to the ground in a cartoon-style delayed-physics ~pomf~. Neither of them asked what they were going to do on the bed, because Diamond Tiara had a plan for that already, idiot. Weren't you paying attention a few paragraphs ago?

"Haha, got you! Got you! Did I get you or what?!" Scootaloo laughed hysterically, kicking her hooves even harder and squirming around in Ace's grip.

Applebloom simply walked out of the closet with an awkward expression on her face. She shrugged, and went to join the general congregation now taking place near the door around Ace.

"Boo!" Sweetie Belle yelled, popping out of the corner of the closet facing backwards with a sheet draped over her head. The mirror on the closet door evidenced no eye-holes on either side of the sheet, and so Sweetie Belle's dash out of the closet ended when she got spun around the other way and ran back into the closet door, bonking her horn with that same sound it makes in Super Mario 64 when Mario runs into a piece of level geometry at equal-to-or-greater-than his jump-dive speed. "Ow! Maybe I should just be a ghost on Nightmare Night..."

"I knew you three were up to no good," Ace said, chuckling and setting down the Scootaball that had been writhing against his chest. Kind of like having a cute little kitten or puppy going wild nearby, you didn't really mind it, the general hyperactivity and aggression were just kind of part of the enthusiasm, and the small thing was warm and soft and just so happy you could let it roll around on your chest all day. Uh. Ahem. Anyway.

The game room was a rainbow of different filly foal colours, sizes and shapes to look after for the night. Applebloom's simple, rustic cuteness, beaming off the red bow she always wore in the bow in her hair. Sweetie Belle's adorable over-sweetness, the way her smooshy little marshmallow body seemed always to be squishing against something or curving in just the right way. Scootaloo's wild, brazen energy, bubbling up out of her like brand-name carbonated soda and breath-mints, threatening to overwhelm in a giant blur of semi-airborne orange and purple, and when she launched herself and pressed into your chest and rustled her feathers against your hands. Diamond Tiara, so beautiful and demure and always there with a smile or compliment or batting her eyelashes and pouting her lip and filling all surrounding heads with impure thoughts for the next week. Silver Spoon, mostly quiet, restrained, but secretly wanting to amplify everything, to take the world of her best friend and turn everything up a thousand degrees, following Diamond Tiara's fine figure with an even slimmer one, and the glasses that made her look extradistinguished. Each of them perfect in their own way. Each a treat to spend the night with, let alone all five.

"Now, listen," Ace said, and to his surprise, every foal there listened attentively, though Scootaloo seemed perpetually distracted—at the moment, with a plastic army pegasus she had somehow scrounged up from underneath the couch, and was currently examining as though it was an ancient artifact unearthed a hidden temple, like that one pony in that famous movie about wearing a hat while you run away from boulders. "I'm responsible for all of you while your parents are away, so please follow the house rules and be safe while you're here."

Every filly present nodded, though at different speeds—Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sharp and uniform, Applebloom cheerfully with general focus, Sweetie Belle overenthusiastic and head-bobbling. Scootaloo half-interested, thoughts floating off somewhere in the clouds already.

"Good. Aside from that, we can pretty much just have a fun night. I can hang out with you guys for a while before bed, or we can use the pool, or I can just let you play by yourself if you want..."

Sweetie Belle began to pout, and pawed at Ace's flank with her hoof. "Aw, no! Don't leave. Stay and hang out with us!"

Ace nodded. "Okay. I can do that. Although, I should—" Ace looked at himself in the closet mirror, noticing how his mane seemed disheveled more than normal today, and his coat was a little dirty... "—well, how about this. I've gotta go take a shower. You five can play in here—" Silver and DT shared a knowing behind-the-back nod and wink. "—and when I get out, we'll watch a movie or do something fun, okay?"

"Okay!" Sweetie squeaked, giving Ace a big hug and causing his cheeks again to flush a light, bright red.

"Sounds good to me," Applebloom said, already eyeing the row of movies line up along the walls and searching for a title she could request ahead of everypony else.

Ace let everypony know where to get water or food if they were hungry (guess which room and you win a prize), then got himself a towel out of the hall closet. A warm shower would be a good idea before foalsitting, clear the head, get the body feeling clean and pure. Though, maybe a cold shower, depending on how many more hugs the fillies intended to give him over the night...

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon waited until they heard the shower start, and then to hear the interruption of the splashing water as Ace stepped inside, before they shared the signal nod.

Time to put the plan in action.

"Hey, you three, get over here," Silver Spoon whispered, waving over in Diamond Tiara's direction with her hoof. "We wanna talk to you. About a plan for tonight."

"Why are y'all whispering?" Applebloom asked, raising an eyebrow, though she'd subconsciously slipped her volume down as well.

"Because that's what you do when you're talking about super secret plans. Duh!" Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes, and Silver Spoon followed suit. The CMC groaned and practiced their own eye rolling skills.

"Why would we ever wanna work with you two on something?" Scootaloo asked, hovering around the newly formed group and poking at her army pegasus.

"Because... you think Ace is really cute, right?" Diamond Tiara asked, lowering her voice even further.

"What? What does that have to do with anything?" Scootaloo asked. Behind her, Sweetie Belle held a hoof to her mouth and blushed quietly. Could you blush loudly? Anyway.

"Shush. Just answer. Do you think Ace is cute or not?"

Scootaloo thought about it for a minute. Found herself thinking of the way she felt squirming around in Ace's hooves, how he'd held her tight and close, and even though she'd been genuinely trying, it was impossible to break out of his grip. He was a strong pony, that was for sure. And Scootaloo definitely liked strong ponies. She wondered what his... what his...

Gulp. Nervous sweat. Scootaloo felt her cheeks getting warm.

"Uh... yeah. I mean... I guess. Sure. Why not?"

Diamond Tiara nodded, then looked to the other two unspoken fillies. "What about you two?"

Applebloom nodded, smiling. "Shore. I think he's real nice too."

Sweetie Belle was overcome by a case of tongue-ties. Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and waved a hoof, counting Sweetie's silent vote through the art of translation.

"Then just listen to our plan. After Ace comes out of the shower..." Diamond Tiara leaned in conspiratorially, and the other ponies followed suit, forming a five-part huddle with whispered voices. "... we see which pony can be the first one to give him a blowjob."

"What?!" Sweetie Belle squeaked so loud and high it sounded like she was a balloon that might burst, and everypony in the huddle gave her a mild glare. Her face was blooming bright red.

"Shh," Diamond Tiara said. "A blowjob. That's when you—"

"We know what a blowjob is, dummy," Applebloom said, interrupting with a sigh. "Did you think this was our first rodeo?"

"Ugh, whatever." Diamond Tiara flipped her mane flippantly6, shook her head and huffed haughtily in Applebloom's general direction. "The point is, it'll be a fun contest, and there's no way you three losers will get in Ace's pants before we do."

"Do ponies even wear pants?" Scootaloo asked, crossing her eyes as the question sunk in.

"Who cares! Are you in or not?" Silver Spoon asked, nodding knowingly to Diamond Tiara, who nodded back. The two ponies extended their hooves into the center of the huddle, pact-formation ready.

After some uneasy looks and hesitance, Scoots, Sweetie, and Applebloom joined in.

"Good luck you three..." Diamond Tiara said, removing her hoof, placing it just below her mouth and smiling deviously.

"...because you're gonna need it," said, and giggled.

The three crusaders shared their own, patent-pending Super-Mega-Hyper-Dimensional-Next-Level-Awesome-Everytime-Sometimes-All-of-the-time-Once-in-a-while-Scuttlebug-Bandy Look™. A contest, just to see who could get their mouth on the goodies first?

Those two preps didn't know who they were messing with.

But with all the bravado—and the prize at the end of the night—waiting on the line, which pony had what it was going to take to escalate an innocent night of babysitting into a full-blown extravaganza of sexual escapades?

Tune in next ~~episode of Dragon Ball Z~~ chapter to find out!

Author's Note

1: Or Die Hoof 2: Die Hoofer, the official sequel to Die Hoof. Why? Because Die Hoof is awesome.

2: Credit for 3rd pune to Estee.

3: Yep. It's twenty-twenty. Time to start saying 'thing-slash-thing' again. Also, can we bring bad 'rad'? Just saying.

3.5: Heh. 'Scrote'.

4: Yep. It's twenty-twenty. Time to start saying 'itis' again.

5: Sounds like a Pokemon game release - Ed.

6: Can we really get away with that one? - Ed.