Saints and Sinners

by Equestrian Intelligence

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Death, Human, Narcotics, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Comedy, Profanity, Adventure, Discord, Violence, Princess Celestia
Length: 4850

Due to Discord being a cunt, the Third Street Saints and the rest of Stilwater have to learn the power of Friendship!

Due to Discord's meddling there's a new archipelago off the coast of Equestria inhabited by strange, crass bipedal creatures. Will the gangs of Stilwater be able to come together? Will the Ponies of Equestria survive the Third Street Saints?

Please note: Gore Tag is only for certain scenes, gore will be wildly inconsistent.
This is a Saints Row Crossover set during the events of Saints Row 2 authored by me and Jinzou

Published 2020-06-24 02:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2020-06-24 02:30:00 UTC

Chapter 1

The Playa stepped out of her ruined vehicle, a little shaken from the crash. Her passenger, however, had already begun engaging their Brotherhood pursuers.

“You okay Ash?” Johnny Gat shouted over the roar of gunfire.

“Gonna take more than some of these bastards to put me down!” Ashley shouted back.

“That’s what I like to hear!” Gat grinned, popping his head out of cover and nailing two headshots on their opponents.

It was only after the two had thinned out their opponents did they notice where the chase had left them.

“You think it was destiny that had us wind up in the row again?” Gat yelled.

“Fuck destiny. That’s just bullshit. We can take out these assholes anywhere.” Ashley hollered.

“Now that sounds like the boss we all joined up with!” Gat chuckled, poking out of cover again to nail another headshot. “You better start dropping those bodies, I already have a bit of a lead on you!”

Ash grabbed a grenade from the bandolier around her waist, pulled the pin, and threw it under one of the Brotherhood’s vehicles. A moment later the truck blew up, frying at least four members of the opposing gang in a loud bang and filling the air with the not-so-pleasant smell of burning flesh.

“What was that about having a lead on me again?”

“Haha! Hell yeah, boss!” Gat cackled, his voice growing slightly hoarse from all the smoke and gunpowder in the air.

The grenade’s impact on the local Brotherhood forces was soon negated as a fresh wave of Brotherhood, as well as some of Stilwater’s finest joined the fray. Seeing this, Ash pulled out her phone and dialed her trusted lieutenant Shaundi.

“Shaundi, Gat and I are getting overwhelmed by the Brotherhood and the cops over at the church in Saints Row.” Ashley shouted into the phone, quickly listening to Shaundi’s response before hanging up. She took a moment as she reloaded to look back at the place where her journey started five years prior. Before Julius betrayed her and the rest of the Third Street Saints. Although, unbeknownst to the Saints and their adversaries, they were being observed by an entity who seemed to have found some new toys to play with..

“Now’s probably not the best time to reminisce, boss!” Gat shouted as a stray round barely missed Ashley’s head.

“You’re probably right Johnny!” Ashley shouted back. “Shaundi said Pierce was only a few blocks away. He should be here soon!”

“Well if we don’t get some backup, we’ll be dead soon.” Gat quipped.

“Oh ye of little faith.” Ash laughed, tackling a gang member trying to flank and using him a human shield to get a clear shot at two more Brotherhood members.

As she lined up her first shot, she heard the sound of screeching tires and caught a glimpse of the familiar purple and gold color scheme of the Third Street Saints.

“Damn Pierce, took you long enough!” Gat shouted over the gunfire. “I was afraid we’d die of old age before you got over here.”

Pierce pulled out an AR-50 and cleared out several nearby Brotherhood members. “Oh ha ha Johnny. You’re just upset because I saved your ass.”

“Bullshit.” Gat deadpanned, quickly killing a cop charging Pierce with a Twelve Gauge. “Now who saved who, bitch?”

“I hate to ruin our little family reunion, but the Brotherhood is making another push, head inside the church so we can have some better cover.” Ash exclaimed. “And Pierce, Where the fuck are the rest of the reinforcements?”

“They got distracted by some Ronin. They should be here soon.” Pierce responded, entering the church after sending a volley of gunfire towards the Brotherhood. “Besides, whachu mean? I’m all the backup you need.”

“No offense, but Shaundi while she’s baked off her ass would be more effective than you.” Gat shot at Pierce.

“Shaundi’s always baked off her ass, and she would not.” Pierce shot back indignantly. “Besides, she’s on her way right now with more of the boys.”

“Pierce, I want you up top in the balcony providing us with some cover fire.” Ashley commanded as the Brotherhood began pounding on the eastern door. “Gat, you’re with me in the pews, we’re going to launch one hell of an ambush.”

“You got it boss.” Gat replied, taking his position.

“Boss, heads up!” Pierce shouted as he tossed a duffle bag down from the balcony. “A little present for the Brotherhood.”

“Satchel charges, nice.” Gat remarked with a small amount of glee. “I knew you weren’t completely useless.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” Pierce rebuked at the harsh compliment. “I’d set a few up on another door the Brotherhood are trying to force their way through. It will be one hell of a surprise.”

“Great idea Johnny.” Ashley responded.

“Why do I even fucking bother?” Pierce mumbled to himself.

Ashley placed some of the charges by the door, and subsequently detonated the explosives when she heard the door slam open. The concussive blast was enough to knock Gat on his ass and send a corpse along with shrapnel flying across the church. But other than that, no Brotherhood came rushing in. As she peered around the corner to see what had happened, Ashley was shocked to see no one outside. Instead, standing in the doorway was a tall, lanky man with clothes that seemed both pristine and in tatters, a mullet and goatee as gray as smoke, and eyes yellower than the sun.

“Jesus, and I thought Mr. Sunshine looked ugly.” Ashley spat at the man.

“Oh believe me he did. But he was better to me dead than alive. Now I’ve come to make an off-” The man didn’t get a chance to finish as Gat shot him, only his pistol turned into a bouquet of flowers before the round could exit the cylinder and only pollen was shot out.

“Now that’s not very nice.” Came a low, smooth voice. “Can’t have you ruining all the fun before the game even begins, can we?”

“What the fuck?” Gat spat, reaching for the knife he kept in his back pocket, and opening it up to throw at the stranger. In midair it turned to water, splashing the stranger in the face, but otherwise doing nothing. The figure’s features morphed and twisted as he took the form of the Brotherhood’s leader, Maero.

Now it was Pierce’s turn to be surprised and mildly terrified. He pulled out his AR-50 and started firing at “Maero”. With a snap of his fingers, Maero turned the bullets into chocolate chips, even catching a few and tossing them into his mouth, before changing forms again and becoming the General.

“You humans are always so violent.” ‘The General’ chuckled. “But you’re still the most fun I’ve had in the last few millennia.”

“Man, what the fuck are you talking about?” Gat queried. “And how the fuck are you doing this shit?”

As the General turned to gaze at Gat, Ashley took the opportunity to aim right at his head and shoot. The General's body split in half, letting the bullet whiz by harmlessly before remerging.

“T’was truly a valiant effort. I applaud your moxie.” The creature said as it had now become Shogo Akuji. “Just as long as we’re not talking about that disgusting soda. How do you humans drink that? I’ve had better tasting liquid plastic.”

“Just shut up and show us your true form so I can kick your fucking ass.” Ashley shouted.

“If you insist.” It said as it became serpentine amalgamation of what could be best described as a disorganized mishmash of various animals.

“I’m not high am I?” Came Shaundi’s voice from behind the creature. ”I did hit some bomb-ass Loa Dust recently.”

“As I had intended to say before you so rudely interrupted me Mister Gat. I wanted to make you an offer.” The creature said.

“No deal.” Ashley said. “And I’m not going to budge.”

“Well that’s too bad. You don’t have a Celestia damned choice. I do so hope to see you on the other side. Just ask for me, Discord!”

Discord promptly collapsed in on himself as the walls of the church ripped away around the Saints. And not too long after that, the city of Stillwater disappeared from the very face of the Earth, dragging all those who lived there along with it.

⚜

In Canterlot, a feeling of fear and distress swept through Celestia, and although she appeared not to change, those skilled enough could see her body tense up and pupils shrink by a marginal amount. As another a stallion began to trot up to the throne, Celestia spoke up. “A thousand apologies Fancy Pants, but I believe I am becoming ill.”

“I understand completely.” The stallion responded, though Celestia could see the disappointment in his eyes.

“I’ll make sure you are first in line tomorrow, you’ll have the royal pass.” This seemed to spruce up the stallion’s mood as he turned around and left. “Stone Spear, please let everypony outside know that the royal court is closed for the day. Plate Shield, fetch my sister please. On the double.”

“Yes your highness.” Both guards chorused as they both turned and left through the doors of the throne room. Celestia didn’t have to wait long for her sister to arrive as Luna burst through the doors in a panic.

“Sister, please tell me you felt it too!” Luna exclaimed. “It felt like HE had returned. But he’s locked in stone. You said it yourself that your pupil and her friends imprisoned him once more.” Luna’s fur was matted with sweat, and she was panting like she had been sprinting. It hurt Celestia to see her younger sister this panicked.

“It did indeed. Something has gone horribly wrong.” Celestia replied. “We should check out his stone form and see if there’s something else we can find out.”

As the two alicorns approached the gardens, they were first relieved, then absolutely terrified.

“His form is here sister, but I sense his mind is not.” Luna gasped. “At least not all of it.”

“But where could it be? And how did he break free from his stone prison, even partially?” Celestia responded tersely.

“I felt it come from Manehatten.” Luna began. “That may be the best place to begin. And if it is HIM then we will want the elements.”

“Excellent point. I shall send a letter to Twilight Sparkle asking her and her friends to meet us in Manehatten with the elements with haste.” Celestia responded, beginning to pen the letter.

To my prized pupil, Twilight Sparkle,

I fear I write to you with ill news. Neither my sister or I are quite sure on how it happened, but it seems Discord, if even partially, has broken free of his stone imprisonment and released some sort of large magical spell originating in or near Manehatten. We are sending chariots to bring you and the rest of the Elements of Harmony there post haste.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia.

With a small poof the letter disappeared, instantly transferred to Ponyville. She did not have to wait long for a response as not even a full minute later a scroll appeared above her head.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m rounding the girls up now. Pinkie Pie is already in Manehatten, so we will meet up with her there. We await your chariots.

Your faithful student,
Twilight.

“Come sister, we must get to the royal chariots to meet up with the Elements in Manehattan!” Luna exclaimed irately.
.
Celestia nodded solemnly.

⚜

Ashley woke up on the floor of the church, nursing a headache. “Probably not the best place to be taking a nap, who knows how many STD’s litter this fucking place?”

“Did I get blackout drunk again?” Gat groaned, picking himself up off the floor on the other side of the main hall. “Because if I did Aisha’s gonna kill me.”

Both were distracted as Pierce stumbled over the balcony on the second floor and broke his fall on a corpse. “God damn, What the fuck happened?” Pierce paused, collecting his thoughts. “Last thing I remember was that fucking dude who looked like he didn’t know what animal he wanted to be for halloween, so he said ‘Fuck it’ and went for all of them.”

“Nice job there, idiot.” Gat snarked. “And I remember something like that. I thought I saw Maero though.”

“Well it’s upsetting to know I wasn’t tripping out there.” Shaundi said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, either that or we all were.” Ash responded brusquely. “Gat, we aren’t being hunted by anybody right now at least, wanna stop by at Aisha’s, work off this hangover or whatever?”

“Fuck it, I’m game.”

“Shaundi, I thought you said you knew where you were going.” Pierce exclaimed in annoyance.

“Yeah, when I’m sober.” Shaundi chuckled.

“Hey Shaundi, pull over and let me drive, I can get us to Aisha’s house.” Gat said.

“That would probably be the best idea.” Shaundi replied, pulling onto the beach.

As Gat was about to get in the driver’s seat, he noticed something that didn’t belong on the horizon. “Is that fucking New York?” Gat blanched, pointing out into the ocean, where some unfamiliar looking buildings were that were definitely not there yesterday.

“I can’t see what you’re talking about Gat.” Ashley responded. “Hey Pierce, do you have a sniper rifle?”

“Yeah boss.” Pierce said, grabbing a suitcase and handing it to Ashley. “Here you go.”

Ashley opened the case, assembled the rifle and looked through the scope.

“That’s not right.” She lowered the weapon and checked the scope, and after a moment, satisfied it was working correctly, aimed back at the buildings. “I don’t think that’s New York.”

“Why do you say that, Boss?” Gat questioned.

“The Statue of Liberty is a fucking horse.” Ash shot back.

“Okay, now I know you’re fucking with me.” Pierce laughed, taking the rifle from Ashley.

“Holy… what the shit? You weren’t fucking lying?” Pierce replied after a moment, jaw dropping open comically.

“We seem to be expected though.” Ash said. “Before you took the rifle Pierce, I made out a banner that roughly said ‘Welcome to Equestria: Third Street Saints, The Brotherhood, The Ronin, and the rest of Stilwater’ with like a million exclamation marks.”

Shaundi laughed. “Equestria? Is that a pun on the word Equestrian? Y’know people who like horses a bunch?”

“I’m surprised you knew that word.” Pierce quipped.

“Man, fuck you.” Shaundi said as she rolled her eyes, smiling.

“HI!” A cheery, high pitched voice piped up from behind The Saints, causing three to turn around with weapons raised, Shaundi just turning around calmly. What the Saints saw then made no sense.

“Is that a talking pink fucking horse?” Gat asked.

“Actually, I’m a talking pink fucking pony, whatever that one word means!” The creature responded chipperly. “Oh hey what’s that?” The pony shouted, causing all of the Saints to turn their heads. When they looked back, the pink pony was nowhere to be seen.

“Ok what the hell was that!?” Pierce exclaimed in distress. “Cause I am all kinds of freaked out right now.”

“It looked like a pink horse with balloons on its ass.” Gat replied. “But I am a little freaked out too. That didn’t seem natural.”

“Really Gat, you see a talking horse and the first thing you do is look at its ass? What would Aisha think?” Ash snarked. “And that was definitely not natural. The fuck did Maero do?”

“Didn’t he say his name was Discord?” Shaundi asked.

“So that wasn’t a dream?” Peirce replied.

“I mean obviously not, numb-nuts.” Gat shot back.

⚜

“Who are the Third Street Saints?” Rainbow Dash asked Pinkie Pie. Most of Pinkie’s friends were standing in awe of the absolutely massive banner she had strung up.

“A group of super-duper-looper violent gangbangers with a higher body count than the population of Canterlot!” Pinkie chirped. “So are the Brotherhood and Ronin! I’d invite the Sons of Samedi but they’re gone now.”

A silence permeated the area.

“So who are they actually?” Rainbow asked again.

“A group of super-duper-looper violent gangbangers with a higher body count than the population of Canterlot!” Pinkie repeated.

“You- You aren’t joking, are you, Pinkie?” Twilight asked.

“No, but they’re also really nice!” Pinkie chirped yet again.

“Darling, beg pardon, if they have a body count how are they nice? Unless you mean body count like Rainbow Dash’s body count of all the Wonderbolts?” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, maybe someday!” Rainbow winked.

“Just because somepony’s a homicidal sociopath doesn't mean they can’t be nice.” Pinkie exclaimed in her ever present chipper mood. “Besides they didn’t seem all that bad when I met them.”

Rarity’s smile faltered. “Pinkie, you’re keeping this joke going on for an awful long time. What’s really going on?”

“What makes you think I’m joking?”

“Guys…” Rainbow Dash pointed at a new island off the coast. “That wasn’t here last time I was here.”

“That’s Stilwater.” Pinkie replied. “But that doesn't matter right now, here come the princesses!”

The group watched as the royal chariots swung around and landed on the beach next to the group.

“Twilight!” Celestia greeted. “What do we know?

“We know that the island in the distance is named Stilwater,” Twilight looked at Pinkie as she said this, “And that its inhabitants are extremely violent but do appear to have the capacity for peace.”

“And how do we know this Twilight Sparkle?” Luna asked, and got her answer when Twilight tilted her head towards Pinkie.”

“Ah yes, the pink one. We are familiar with her tendency for extra-sensory predictions and strange dreams about…” Luna trailed off with a shudder.

“She also claims to have met members of a group named the Third Street Saints. Despite the fact we’d been talking to her the entire time.” Rainbow Dash interjected.

“I met them when you were still on the way, silly!” Pinkie giggled. “They pointed cameras at me and said I was pink and a fucking and a horse. Still have no idea what the middle one means though.” The rest of the group felt their cheeks grow hot at their friend’s blatant insanity.

“Do you think they will be a threat?” Celestia asked the hyperactive pony.

“Oh, Absolutely, they’ve killed more people than I’ve thrown parties for. Or parties I’ve planned. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PARTIES I’VE PLANNED? Five thousand and forty three. And a half. The half was planned after chugging 3.6 liters of moonshine and only had half a Pinkie brain working on it so it was half a party. It still rocked though. During it Rainbow Dash, who was super fast, was too slow to make it to the bathroom and she made me swear I'd tell nopony what happened next but it was messy. Took a lot of bleach to make the scent go fully away.

But yeah, they’re the protagonists of all five of their video games so we can probably trust them.”

Rainbow Dash turned a more vibrant shade of pink than Pinkie and tried to melt into the ground.

Celetia and Luna, both with similar dropped jaws and thunderstruck expressions, turned to Twilight, hoping for an explanation. Twilight merely shrugged.

“Getting back on track, we should make an attempt at communication.” Luna choked out with a cough. “Perhaps we could use our private ship moored here?”

“That would be wonderful.” Celestia responded. “Come, we must make haste to the docks.”

“I’ll ride with the Saints in their boat.” Pinkie chirped, but as everypony turned to face her, she was already gone.

⚜

“Pierce, you know boats, how long do you reckon till we get to that city?” Ashley asked.

Pierce paused for a moment. “Eh, I’d say that’s fifteen to twenty nautical miles out, so if we go upcoast and grab one of those police issued motor boats, we can get there in under half an hour.”

“I got us boats!” Came the loud, high pitched voice again from in the water, pulling along five different horse shaped floaties connected by rope. One was white and had hair the color of the Aurora Borealis, which was somehow waving, another was dark blue with dark blue hair. The third was purple with mainly purple hair and severe bangs, and there was a fuschia stripe and a darker purple stripe next to each other. The other two were varying shades of pink, one with purple and blue hair and the other with purple, pink and white.

Despite just being floaties, they each had a pull cord attached at the back, as if there was an engine. If there was one, it was hidden in the plastic.

“Dibs on Twilight’s!” The pink pony shouted, jumping on the purple floaty and pulling the cord as the floaty’s hidden engine spluttered to life. “I get her because she’s my best friend!” The rest of the Saints got onto the other floaties and started their engines, and proceeded to rocket away from Stilwater.

“You’re Pinkie Pie right?” Shaundi asked.

“Aww, you remember me.” Pinkie chirped back.

“How do you know her?” Ashley asked.

“Remember that Loa Dust I hit earlier? Well I kinda passed out and Pinks here popped into my dream.” Shaundi responded.

“I did!” Pinkie gasped happily. “But why did you seem to hate pants so much?”

“They’re like… restricting.”

“Then go nude!” Pinkie said nonchalantly. “I’m nude all the time.”

A very awkward silence descended onto the group as they sped over the water.

“The horse has a point, Shaundi. No judgement here.” Pierce grinned.

“Stuff it Pierce,” Ash said. “Shaundi, keep your pants on.”

“Awwww...” choroused the pony and Shaundi, dejected looks on their faces.

“Boss, we got a ship approaching and … what the hell?” Gat began before disappearing in a flash of magenta light.

“Johnny!” Ashley shouted before being whisked away too. She felt an uncomfortable sensation, like being squeezed through a tire, and when she opened her eyes again, she was on the ship with Gat.

“Greetings, creatures. Sorry to teleport you so suddenly.” The tallest one said. “But Rainbow Dash spotted you coming and we decided to save you the effort of climbing aboard.

“Gah! What the fuck, more horses?” Gat spat as Pierce and Shaundi got teleported next to him. “You!” he pointed at Twilight. “You’re the one the crazy pink bitch made that floating thing out of!” He then pointed at Celestia and Luna. “You too!”

“Uh, sure. Hi, I’m Twilight Sparkle. And we’re ponies, not horses. What… are you?” Twilight asked.

“We’re the Third Street Saints.” Ash spoke up. “A better question is what are you? Unicorns and pegasi aren’t real, and if they were, they definitely wouldn’t look like you or be smart enough to know how to speak English.”

“Actually… we’re speaking Ponnish right now.” Twilight started. “And amongst other things, yes, we’re real, but I mean what are you? You look like… primates of some variety? We’ve never seen anything like you before.”

With a final -pop- Pinkie was teleported to the crowd, where she proceeded to stand next to Twilight, an innocent smile on her face.

“You’d be mostly right on the primate angle.” Pierce started. “Humans are genetically descended from apes. But we’re also the only ones on Earth with our kind of intelligence.

“Yo, shut up Pierce.” Gat commanded, lifting his pistol and pointing it at Twilight’s head. “I don’t know who the fuck you are, I don’t care what the fuck you are, but I want you too poof us and out city back to where it belongs. I don’t care what form you take, If the boss says they won’t work with you, we won’t, Discord.”

A second later Gat grimaced and dropped his gun, clenching his hand.

“I don’t know what sort of tool that was, but that was obviously a sign of aggression. We would recommend thinking twice before threatening Twilight Sparkle.” Luna snarled, sparks falling from her horn.

The rest of the Saints pulled out weapons and raised them at the collective group of ponies. Celestia stood stock still while the rest of the main six, bar Pinkie, assumed defensive positions. Rainbow Dash flew in front of Twilight and let off a guttural growl.

“Look, you don’t hurt my people.” Ash spat with disdain.

Suddenly a purple wall erupted between the groups. Twilight chuckled nervously and levitated Rainbow Dash back behind her. “Look, it seems we got off on the wrong hoof here.-”

“Foot.” Pinkie insisted.

“Fine, the wrong foot. We didn’t bring you here, we actually were going to ask you how you arrived, bu- Wait, did you say Discord?”

“Yeah, he tried to make an offer, likely trying to persuade us to join him, but I passed.” Ash responded. “So he poofed us here against our will. Now could you heal Johnny? His hand looks burnt bad.”

“What makes you think we can or will do healing magi-” The blue pegasus was cut off as a soft golden glow surrounded Gat’s hand. After a moment it looked uninjured.

“Okay, I’m gonna assume that was magic, which is pretty badass.” Gat began. ‘But how the fuck did you do that? Magic doesn’t really exist back where we’re from. It’s only ever sleight of hand bullshit.”

“Is everyone as vulgar as you?” The unicorn with the curled purple hair asked.

“Does everyone here have fucking tramp stamps?” Gat shot back.

“What are tramp stamps?” The blue pegasus asked innocently.

Twilight’s hoof shot up to her face. “Yes, we all have cutie marks.”

“Cutie marks? That may just be the girliest thing I’ve ever heard.” Pierce chuckled.

“Nah, I’m with Pierce on this one.” Ash agreed. “I think I’ll stick with tramp stamps.”

“Yeah, what’s next, Sunbutt and Lil’ Miss Angry over here-” Gat gestured to Celestia and Luna “Are gonna be the ‘princesses’?”

“Yes.” Luna replied through clenched teeth. “I am Princess Luna and this is my sister, Princess Celestia.”

The staredown between Luna and Gat was interrupted by Rainbow Dash’s uncontrolled laughter. “Sunbutt! I’m totally using that!”

“Rainbow Dash, quiet!” Twilight hissed.

“But like, your fur is black. How can you be her sister?” Shaundi asked. “Also, she’s like, way bigger and obviously has a way better ass.”

“Luna, is about a century younger than me.” Celestia remarked, blushing.

“What, like a hundred years?” Gat asked, an eyebrow shooting up.

“More or less, we’re both over ten millenia old .” Celestia replied evenly.

“Wait, so y’all are telling me you’re over a thousand? That’s wack shit!” Pierce laughed. “Nobody lives that long.”

“Pierce, you’re a dumbass.” Gat interjected. “A millennia is a thousand years, So these two have been alive longer than recorded human history. Do all ponies live as long as you?”

“Sadly, no. The typical pony lifespan is a little under a century, depending on the race.” Luna replied.

“Look, I think we’ve gotten a little off track here.” Ash started. “My name’s Ashley, this is Johnny Gat, that’s Pierce, and that’s Shaundi.” Ash said, pointing to each one respectively. “I’m guessing you’re Twilight Sparkle, but who the fuck are the rest of you?”

“Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!” Pinkie shouted, bouncing around the Saints. “Thiiiis is Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack-” she started pointing to different ponies, each showing varying levels of nervousness. “And IIIIIII’m Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie landed on Shaundi’s head. “But you already knew that. And the Princesses have introduced themselves too!”

“Woah…” Shaundi stared at her new head accessory and picked her up. “You weigh like a pound. What’s your diet?”

“Sugar and happiness!” Pinkie beamed.

Gat resisted the urge to vomit. “Please tell me you at least eat some vegetables. I know you probably can’t eat meat.”

“Oh we can but it’s a tabor.”

“Taboo, Pinkie.” Twilight corrected. “And no we can’t.”

“That too!”

“Look, why don’t you swing by Stilwater so we can alert the rest of the Saints to our predicament.” Ash said. “I also regrettably need to try and establish a truce with the other gangs until we figure some shit out.”

“Boss, I can see a possible peace between us and the Ronin,” Gat began, “But with what that bitch Jessica did to Carlos and with what we did to her, what makes you think Maero will want to work with us?”

“Because he tried the peaceful option before all that.” Ash rebuked. “I have a feeling that with some of these ponies with us, we may be able to convince him.”

“,,So since nopony else is gonna ask…” Rainbow started. “What happened with Carlos and Jessica?”

“I guess we can tell you on the way back to Stilwater.” Ash began. “Just be warned, it’s a hell of a story.”

Author's Note

Welcome to the first chapter of Saints and Sinneres. We thank you for showing interest. Please let us know what you like and any grammatical errors we may have missed in the comments below!