The Totally Epic Journey of Some Dudes and Some Ponies

by Swift As Lightning

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Human, Main 6
Length: 36046

Just read it.

WARNING: The following story contains mature language. Excessive amounts of OCs. Ponies turning into humans. Shipping OCs with humanized ponies. Half-assed writing, Zombie Apocalypse. Poor writing ability, explosions, and a ton of almost. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

So last year me and my friends made this story over the course of an entire semester. And I found it while browsing my google docs page. No idea what will happen but im posting this shit. So enjoy it!

Published 2012-08-21 15:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-21 15:14:01 UTC

BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND

Bangarang:

I’m the guy you see in the background that shoots all these virus infected beasts in the face sometimes. Around here, they call me Bangarang, and in some cases Blondie, but that name is rarer because, as it is hopefully obvious, I am not homosexual. Anyways, I had some marine training. I went A-WOL when this new virus went public and quarantine areas were more common than even housing areas were. Finding my friends Blade, Boomer, and Fox was less than difficult. I took a Humvee towing a Jeep, a sniper rifle, an Uzi, two 12 Gauge shotguns, G18 with silencer, enough rounds and explosives to cover the back seat of the Jeep, finishing with rations filling the whole back area of the Humvee. I was but a year and a month younger than two of my comrades, two years younger than the third. As far as I knew, I was in charge of diplomacy when it was available, then subsequently punishing those who weren’t diplomatic by expressing extreme prejudice. German, French, and English were my strongest languages, but I could still at least figure out most other languages, but speaking it was a whole other story. If nothing else, I could tell if someone was issuing threats or trying to make an alliance.

Blade:

I had retired with my partner Boomer (Booms) at the age of 27. We had joined the military when we were 21, and we were promoted to special ops at 22. Before long, we became the most feared men in the US arsenal in about five years. We understood our potential, and apparently so did the government. That’s when they kicked us out, fearing we would do something drastic. So they tried locking us up, but that didn’t go too well for them. They lost tons of money right then and there as well as a nice prison with metal walls, and around 10 juggernaut guards. They gave us millions to keep quiet, and we could live in luxury. They even gave us cover jobs as CEOs in order to keep the rest of the world calm. Life was all good.

Boomer:

Life was not all good. I don’t give a damn if Blondie doesn’t think that the stories are real. I’m fucking terrified. Everyday I get the mail and the newspaper and both of them are sending me unhappy messages. People being eaten alive, people being bludgeoned to death in mass numbers. People getting up after they should have been dead. I don’t like it. At. All. My penthouse now has sixteen guards. They have shifts of 12 hours and no matter what, I still don’t feel safe. It’s as if when the killings get here, the only thing to defend me, will be me. I suppose I might need to help my friends, but they are my friends for a reason. I’m going to fire my guards. I don’t need them. I am Boomer. Forced out of the military because I was too powerful. Skilled with shotguns and a hammer. I killed juggernaut guards just to escape the prison they so wrongly put me in. They keep me silent with money. I need no guards. I am king. I still remember the day I proved that to everyone who was allowed to know.

“Booms... There is one spot they didn’t check.” Blade was tied up in a chair that had its back to mine. We were stuck in a metal room with two juggernauts posted outside. Next to our room was another exactly like it with Fox and Bangarang. Six other guards monitored the front of the cave. Even though I was blindfolded, I knew it was a cave. You don’t ever feel the same when you’re underground.

“It’s the ‘nade under your balls, isn’t it...” I asked my friend. Both of us were still clad in our military getup. They had given our small elite group some special black and grey camo before we were sent to this mild hell. The government was going to wait for us to die in this hole.

“Uh yeah. Yeah it is.” Blade was not happy about needing to use the special nade.

“They checked my crotch... Did you not get searched by that big ol’ black guy?”

“Nope.” I gave up trying to prolong the needed escape. I tensed and broke the back of my chair. I also took off the legs of the chair and began to get up and move around. I walked in front of Blade, and he used his teeth to undo my rope bindings. Really, they were underestimating us. If anything, we should of been locked in a metal cell, and chained to the damn ceiling. I broke the back two legs of Blade’s chair and he fell over backwards, breaking the rest of the poor wooden seat. He was a big man, after all. At the size of 6’4, with his muscular build the chair just couldn’t support him. He looked a bit annoyed.

“I wasn’t gonna reach into your crotch you weirdo.” I gave him a smile and stuck out my hand. Before he could grab it one of the guards came in. I gave a low growl and flung myself at him. His gun raised into the air, but I was on him before he could do anything. I did what I said I was going to do; snap his neck. The other juggernaut heard the crack and raised his weapon, but I just tossed the guy’s friend towards him. It tackled him limply and gave me time to advance. By the time he was free and standing I was inches from his face. I threw back my arm at the same time as he reached for his secondary. The helmet I punched cracked and splintered. I felt my knuckles bust open on the helmet, but I didn’t care.The glass broke from the impact of him hitting the ground. The other two cage guards rounded the corner and I grabbed the newest limp body and swung it over my back. I’m not a huge person. Only about 5’ 8” and way skinnier than I would like to admit., so the body and armor together almost completely enveloped me. I felt the bullets hit the guard as they attempted to break through the armor he was wearing. I heard the death rattle as one of the bullets finally pierced into his lung. I used him as a shield until I reached the door back to my cage. I ripped off his weapons belt and kicked him away all in one swift motion. I dashed inside and was instantly disappointed. The genius was still lying on the ground.

“You ever going to help me up?” he asked as if I was in the wrong.

“My god you’re lazy.” I did help him up. Right after that I asked, “How are we going to get Fox and Blondie?” I was glad the keys to this cage were on the armament belt but I could already hear them drilling into the door.

“We wait.” Calmly, he took the weapons belt from me and removed the pistol from the holster.

“What?” I felt my annoyance growing at his short sentences.

“What I’m saying is: Fuck Fox and Blondie. Instead, lets get my ‘nades.” He explained to me as he yawned.

“Fine. Whatever.” I just decided to go with the damn smart guy’s plan.

“Three, two, one...” He suddenly began counting.

“Why are you count- ... Oh shit!” The door burst open and the other two cage guards stormed in. I ducked and because of my sudden movement, they began to target me. I grabbed the shotgun that the guard carried and held it in front of me, ducking as much of my body behind it as I could. When I felt the first bullet hit it, I panicked. The good kind of panic. The type of panic that saves your life. The type of panic that lets you roll to the side and shoot the shotgun you’re  holding at both the juggernaut guards that are before you. The one shot that it had in the chamber knocked them both back a bit, and I fired a quick second round that must have shot the first guard in the face. The guard on the left fell almost as quickly as his friend reacted. Before the body even hit the floor, my shoulder exploded in blood. The genius finally got into action and nonchalantly walked over to me. I was crouching on the ground, clutching my shoulder, while the guard checked on his now dead friend. For some reason he ignored Blade completely, who now lazily raised the pistol he had taken earlier. The other guard fell to ground after six shots to the head.

“Why did you waste all that? He was dead after two you know.” I asked while bandaging my shoulder with part of my shirt.

“Well, he pissed me off. The bastard made me move.” Blade said. I nodded and got back up. I gave Blade both the pistols and took the somehow undamaged shotgun as well as the keys, the belt, and the assault rifle that the second guard was carrying. It seemed to be split down the middle, one half of the guards had an assault rifle and the rest had shotguns. I decided to take the unbroken body armor that the guard had left behind. I left the helmet off, just because I realized that I could do serious damage with my hands. It would only do me an inconvenience.

“You tanking then?” asked my friend.

“Damn straight. Let’s go.” I took off at a small jog towards the edge of the cave, Blade following behind me at a slower pace, his hands stuffed in his pockets. I could only see a small bit of natural light at the end of the tunnel. It felt wrong to leave two of my comrades behind, but I needed to trust the man behind me. I heard the clank of armor other than mine and readied my gun. I watched as six equally armed guards sprinted around the corner, and I will admit a bit of worry came to my eyes at the sight. Then they flew into the air, fire exploding beneath their feet. I was knocked back a good ten feet, landing next to a crouched down Blade. I shot to my feet, and raised my gun in case of any stragglers, but the rest of the guards lay dead.

“Tell me my friend, why do we need your explosives first?” I asked the brainiac.

“They probably tripped a one-way switch that completely locks the doors from all keys before they came running for us.” Blade explained while I grabbed his C4 and “Blast Powder” along with some matches from the shelf. He made everything himself and enjoyed using it more than the next person would have ever expected. I saw him stuffing grenades in odd places in a corner, but I ignored it. I finished packing the lazy bastard’s bag for him by stowing some cords and a few detonators for him. I looked at him expectantly and threw the bag to him. One of his arms reached out, and the bag landed on his elbow and slid up to shoulder. He looked back at me now, his gaze equally expectant.

“You want me to carry you or something?” I asked sarcastically.

“That would be nice, but I do have dignity. So, instead, please just drag me.” He dropped his lazy ass on the floor. I groaned and grabbed his arms.

“I hope your legs get blown off, then I might actually have a reason for doing this crap for you.” The man just shrugged as I dragged him down the hall. “At least you’re not a dick about this stuff. Not like a little priss or something, always whining when I do something wrong or imperfectly. Then you would die. I would kill you that instant. I might like, let a ceiling fall on you or something.” The man stayed silent despite my words. I turned the corner and made my way to the door or my other crew mate’s cage. “Here you go. Do your stuff.” Blade heaved himself up off the floor and scrubbed some of his “Blast Powder” on the door. He took a few steps back and I followed suit.

“If you can hear me, GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR!” Blade bellowed and threw a lit match at the door. After more than one sequential explosion from just the one dosage of powder, the door was completely gone. As were Fox and Bangs.

“Where are they, good buddy?” I asked. I knew they were okay but I wanted to know where.

“Where’s Batman?” he asked sarcastically. I turned around, assuming that’s what he meant. For some reason Batman always seemed to be behind someone, even when he was just in front of them a second ago. There behind me stood the rest of my crew, Bangarang and Fox. They both stared at us.

“Glad to know that I have ninjas to help out.”

“Well we were coming to help you two...” Said Fox quietly. Everyone suddenly went silent, as the sound of a small beeping alerted everyone. Four pairs of black combat boots rushed down the hall to the front of the cave.

“Fucking distress beacon...” Came Blade’s annoyed voice. Sitting before all of us was a small red blinking button. Chopper blades were heard outside the cave. We looked at each other for a brief second. Everyone sprinted back to the room where they stowed our weapons, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything. Even the lazy ass ran faster than usual. I already had everything I was going to need. We all stepped outside only to meet our rivals. Six Navy seals stood before the helicopter. They split to the side to reveal the last person I would ever think to see on a battlefield. It seems that for some reason, in the U.S. army, Generals don’t ever fight. But before me stood a five-star, prime bitch.

All hell broke loose. Fox pulled out a magnum and one of the seals fell to the floor immediately. Blade dropped a smoke bomb, and we ran in zig zags back into our previous prison. What previously kept us captured, now kept us alive. More gun shots broke out, but we had retreated back far enough into the building, giving us enough cover to not get shot.

“So. How did you guys get out?” Fox asked. He was loading his rifle, while Bangarang was looking for a sniping spot in the building.

“I got us out of the cell, then the lazy bastard blew up everything.”

“Nothing unusual there.” Bangs said snidely, smirking.

“Shut up.” Blade replied to the blonde boy. The smoke was starting to clear outside and I heard a quiet sigh from Blade.

“Yo Booms... remember Cuba, 2016?” Blade suddenly asked. I blinked, then nodded in response. “Well... Yeah.” Then everyone heard the explosion. Immediately, I sprinted out, watching as body parts from at least two Navy Seals strew themselves all over the soon-to-be-battlefield. I ignored the rest of them and headed straight for the general. Bangarang rolled onto his belly, his sniper rifle in a perfect position. A head exploded next to me, as one of Seals that was trying to cut me off was sniped. Another dropped as Fox headed out into the madness as a shocktrooper, his rifle blazing and dropping two of the last elite soldiers against us. I finally got close enough to the cowering general, who hadn’t even brought a damn gun.

“Your coat... It’s so nice! I’ve always loved capes.” I slowly brought out the knife on the front of my recently attained vest. “Can I have it?” The general shook his head side to side. I flung the knife into his face, splattering blood on the ground and my new accessory. I ripped the knife out of his head and walked slowly back to the rest of my group.

Bangarang:

Boomer finally had his hands on the general, but I knew that I had counted six seals out there. We had killed five. Where was the last one? I backed up from my scope, and turned to ask Blade about it. He was lazily leaning against the wall. He hadn’t done anything besides plant that explosive, but he hadn’t needed to. He looked at me with a raised brow.

“Sup...?”

“We missed one...” I said quietly.

“Well, if I was him, I would go for the two in the back, thinking they were physically weak. Even if one of them is... Muscular.” He said logically while pointing to himself.

“So. He’s back here.” I summarized, pointing.

“Somewhere.” He replied with an affirmative nod. I stood up, and almost on cue out came the last of our enemies, tossing a knife expertly towards Blade. Now, there is a reason we call him “Blade.” The aforementioned man’s eyes narrowed a tad, and his hand shot up and caught the army knife previously heading straight towards his face between his thumb and index finger. He flipped the piece of steel between his fingers rapidly, then slammed it into the dirt. The navy seal looked stunned, and I took advantage of this and pulled out my pistol and shot him in the jaw.

“Bastard.” Blade said, before resting his head against the wall behind him and closing his eyes to take a quick nap.

Boomer:

Bangs started up the chopper. Blade sat down as soon as possible and took up the whole back seat, sprawling his legs over the seat and almost fully laying down. Fox took all the weapons he could find as well as the parachutes off of the Seals. He took shotgun and I just sat down adjacent from Blade.

“Stop over the interstate when we get back to civilization. We gonna be pretty boss.” I ordered. Everyone cracked a smile. They all hoped my plan was going to be good.

We reached the interstate in a matter of minutes. It turned out that we were somewhere in Arizona. Bangs thought better than to stop near that one, so we flew all the way to DC.

“We’re gonna start landing soon alright? Every one just strap down and... Where’s Blade?” Bangarang asked.

“Over here Blondie.” Everyone turned to see Blade tipping backwards out of the chopper into the open air. Fox’s eyes widened as I also jumped out, and soon everyone abandoned the chopper and parachuted down. Beneath us all was the road, streaming with hundreds of cars. I was about fifty or sixty feet below everyone else because I had released my parachute late, and was about to land softly on a limo. But who lands softly when they’re a boss? I slipped out of my parachute and dropped the last twenty feet to the roof of the limo. I shot through the roof and bent the limo in half. My increased weight from the armor helped allot, allowing me to do more damage than my small frame could do alone. The driver flipped a nut and swerved dramatically. He managed to wedge the whole limo into all seven different lanes of traffic. Everyone in the car besides me was knocked out, so i stepped outside just in time to see the rest of my crew drop quickly to the ground. Blade landed first and immediately went down to one knee, his black hair swaying in the wind. Bangs took a different position and stood up straight and tall, his face to the wind. Fox took his cue and slammed the butt of his rifle into the asphalt when he landed in between the other two, then placed his palms on the barrel. Only when all of them had a full three seconds of amazing pose time, did they get up.

“I love you guys, you know that? Best fricken crew ever.” We waited for another limo to come by. Fox jacked it without any damage which I had to congratulate him on. He did something I had failed at.

We stormed into a boardroom where we were informed that we were wanted. There was a seat open at the end of a very long but very skinny oval table, adjacent to the president. Mine.

“So John,” I paused as I took the seat at the end of the table. The crew lined up behind me with their hands behind their backs. The window behind us forced the three men who were all over six feet tall to cast gigantic shadows over the room. “Why you gotta try and kill us? I mean as if locking us up wasn’t bad enough, you send over some Seals to try and take us out?”

“Please, call me Mr. President at least.” The man at the other end of the table was offended.

“Tell you what John. If you tell me which three people matter least to you in this room, I will gladly call you that.” The president pointed to three figures at the table I didn’t even recognize. As he pointed to them, Fox, Blade, and Blondie all moved towards them. The old white men that the president had pointed to were lifted out of their seats and removed from the room. Blade was actually a bit too lazy, and just tipped one of the men out of the seat before sitting down himself. The other crew members who had lifted them out of the seats took them.

There was a long drawn out meeting after that. Eventually, we got millions of dollars, just to stay quiet.

Blade:

I was currently cooped up in my massive room, overlooking a large part of the city. I was in the tallest building, as in my opinion it allowed me to think easier. I actually own the tallest building in the city, along with the swimming pool on the roof. My back was leaning against the wall, my hands lazily cleaning my two favorite pistols with a rag. Sighing, I returned the guns to the holsters and laid down. Of course, as soon as my head hit that oh so comfortable and inviting pillow, my damn phone rang. I glared at the ceiling, and ignored it. If someone REALLY wanted my attention, they would call two times. Sure enough though, my phone rang again after halting for about half a second. I groaned, rising up again and answering. As I raised the phone to my ear, a very familiar voice reached my brain.

“Yo Blade.” It was Bangarang. I got up and lazily began undressing out of my lounge clothes and heading to my closet for something more militant.

“Bangs.” Was my one word reply.

“I know you hate small talk, so I’ll get straight to it I guess. You hear about that bullshit on the news with the dead comin’ back to life?” I pulled on a pair of specially made dark jeans, that allowed for full movement in the leg area yet were still tight enough to look and feel nice.

“I may have.” I responded monotonously, reaching for a skin tight black T-Shirt with a convenient hood on the back and front pockets. I knew exactly what Bangarang was talking about though. The reports were a bit too common to be some made up crap, so I knew this was coming.

“Yeah.. Well its true. My own damn home town has it. So, I was thinking we get the gang back together. Our chances of survival are significantly higher that way...” He sort of trailed off, and I detected that he might be a little nervous that I wouldn’t accept the offer. Now, while I may be lazy, I am both a genius, and a loyal friend. I was not going to turn this down.

“Aight. Where you headed?” I questioned, while placing the phone between my head and shoulder while I pulled on my old fingerless gloves. They had been given to me by my uncle, some crazy shit who had screamed about talking horses for the good last fourteen years of his senile life.

“I was just thinking the outskirts of New York.” I gave a little sigh and began tucking away my explosives, filling all of my pockets with different gadgets and fire starters. I slid things in places where most people would find things uncomfortable. But I don’t care.

“That’s such a damn long way away... But aight. See ya.” I hung up on him and dropped my phone to the floor, stomping on it. I left the crushed metal on the floor.  It was time for me to leave my home. I slid open a hidden door in my wall, and headed inside. Soon enough I had my namesakes (blades) tucked into their appropriate places, and I stepped back outside after stepping on the scale. 350 pounds. Good. 140 more than I actually weigh. I sighed and hit a button on the wall.

“Call Jenkins.” I said authoritatively.

“Yes Sir!” Came the semi-nervous reply. I attended to the last of my to do list, planting timed bombs around my room, and setting them to three minutes. I soon heard the sound I was waiting for. The chopper blades. I put my pistols on my belt, feeling complete. I pulled one out, and shot my window, then reached my hand out into the air. Soon enough, a helicopter raised up and an arm reached out to grab mine and tug me into the chopper. We flew away after I got situated, and I enjoyed one of the best light shows I’d put on in awhile as my previous house went up in a massive ball of flame. You know, life may have been good, but you can never have a good as a time without a few explosions.

“Sayonara.”

Fox:

My name is Fox, the details of acquiring that name are of no concern to anyone in particular. All that matters is I work as an international spy for the United States, or at least I did. I had been staged in Germany as a farm hand, the man I worked for was nice as far as farmers go. A spy must be deceptive at all times, me I was too deceptive for the governments tastes. Recently, some information was betrayed to Germans. Names, locations, size of defense. I was ‘entrusted’ with this information... accidentally. Only I and a few others were privy to this information, and since I had (conveniently) been the only one operating in Germany at the time, the Germans got it, so I was to blame. Unfortunately for the government, it wasn’t me. Sure, they might send ten maybe fifteen guys disguised as tourists, business men, immigrants, et cetera to come get me, but it didn’t matter. They should have known I was sneaky enough to avoid all capture, sadly enough for the people sent after me they were too persistent for me to just avoid them. After eliminating the pursuers one by one I returned to the U.S. hiding in plain sight and all that. I went to a hangout me and the members of our crew used to just chill out at. There I found Bangarang packing away a bunch of important items. It turned out he was getting the gang back together. I gladly agreed happy at the prospect of seeing my old friends again.

Boomer:

I was just about to fire every single one of my guards after my job at my corporation. I walked out of my office, and was just about to tell my (very good looking) secretary that I was leaving, when I noticed she wasn’t there anymore.

“... Cathy?” I said quietly. I heard a small noise, and my military training made me turn to face it, just as my secretary leaped off of a ceiling fan, straight down onto me while screaming bloody murder. I leaped back, and held her off as she came at me. Her fists flew, her mouth was open wide, saliva dripping down, and her dilated pupils filled her irises. I held her off, attempting not to hurt her.

“Catherine! What the fuck are you doing?!” I screamed at her. I was growing more and more confused, and suddenly I noticed that her hits were starting to hurt like a bitch. She was a small woman, how the hell was she actually hurting me? At just that moment her hand slapped down hard on my upper arm, and I almost got thrown. I recovered quickly, and slammed my foot into her stomach, hard enough to rupture a grown man's insides. It barely stopped her, and I felt the rabid girl come at me even harder. Panic rose a bit inside of me, and finally I just allowed myself to slide back into my military mind. I ducked low, and launched an uppercut into my previously sane secretary’s jaw, breaking the bone. Afterwards, I slammed my elbow into her solar plexus, breaking her rib cage completely and sending her back a few feet. She got back up.

“What the fuck...?” I barely managed to even say that as she came running back. I knocked her back again with more harsh kicks, and more bone breakage. Soon both of her arms were shattered, and one knee was gone, the kneecap in shards. Still, she limped towards me, her mouth open and her mad eyes glaring at me. Then my brain finally kicked in, and I realized what was happening. The disease. The outbreak. More connections were made, and I decided to treat this bitch like a zombie. I used to read all sorts of things about them in middle school, so I quickly chopped at her neck, silencing her wails, and then slammed my palm into her nose, sending it into her brain. Indeed she fell, and I stood, bruised and dangerously close to rampaging like a retired vet in Vietnam. I heard running from a few floors down. My ears were extra sensitive, something that was developed automatically in the army. Those footsteps were far too rapid, and I understood immediately. I pulled myself together. No more Mr. CEO.

I closed the door calmly, then pushed a table in front of it. Heading back into my office, I reached into the bottom cabinet and pulled out a sawed-off shotgun I kept around to just stare at sometimes. Readying myself, I sat on my desk, gun facing the door. The door shook soon, and I heard screams from outside the door. The door began bending, a crack appearing in the center. I placed my finger on the trigger. My fate was accepted. And then I heard probably the best noise I ever heard. The whir of the chopper blades. I must be delusional. I turned slowly, and sure enough, I was delusional. A lazy Blade was beckoning me slowly, laying in the back of his personal chopper. His chaperon looked terrified, but I really didn’t care. I screamed outright as my door busted in, and rabid humans came flying into my office. At that, Blade stood up, as fast as someone of his damn level of military training should, and shot out my window with one of his pistols. I ran straight towards him, not even flinching as he raised his other pistol and began firing rapidly, eyes no longer half-lidded and lazy, but glaring and fierce. I heard them getting closer behind me, and at this point my adrenaline was making this painstakingly slow. I saw Blade’s eyes calculating everything, and I made eye contact with him. He nodded, and I saw his arms drop to his sides. In a split second, I leaped out of the building, spun in mid air and fired a shot at the zombies that didn’t look like they cared that there was an edge. Hands reached out to grab me, and prevent me from escaping, but I kept shooting, blasting off arms and heads alike. I felt myself lose momentum and begin to fall, but I knew that if I stopped firing I would get caught. I just had to trust Blade.

Suddenly, I found myself hanging after a harsh jerk. I looked up to see an annoyed Blade holding me by collar. He was almost halfway out of the helicopter himself.

“You crazy bastard.” He said with a sigh. He was back to his lazy self again, and he tugged me up into the helicopter with his one arm. He was still just as strong as ever. How he managed to be like that when he was so lazy was beyond me, but he never gave his secret out. After pulling me up, he reached into his front pocket with one hand and pulled out something shiny. He threw it inside the building as we flew away, then reclined in his seat.

“How the HELL did you know?” Was all I could actually say. My life was still attempting to flash in front of my eyes. I am not used to trusting someone again. I heard a massive bang, and I barely spared my old office a glance while Blade had his eyes glued to it. He didn’t remove his gaze from it, and a heat wave from the explosion ran up my back as he spoke.

“Well Dante said his hometown was overrun, and I knew you were near there... Had a feelin’ I should check up on you.” He replied. He was laying down again, taking up the whole seat on his side.

“Yeah... Well thanks.” This had to be one of the more epic reunions I had ever had with Blade, and I don’t think I’ve seen him actually show part of his raw ability in forever.

“Twilight Sparkle, I must ask a great favor of you. Come to Canterlot along with the smartest, friendliest, and most popular ponies you know.” Princess Celestia wrote to her student. Twilight immediately brought the other five element wielding ponies, along with Derpy Hooves and the Cutie Mark Crusaders to the palace at Canterlot. The solar princess stood in front of her throne. Princess Luna strode to stand alongside the less than normal mixture of ponies.

“We have received rather unsettling messages from somewhere out past our sun and moon, even past many stars. Our equipment is still rather faulty, so I may be wrong, but I think there’s something out there besides ponies.” Twilight patted the ground nervously. Celestia nodded her head to the purple unicorn.

“You want us,” Twilight motioned toward the ponies behind herself, “To go find out?”

“Luna will accompany you, and I am sending you in Equestria’s finest train.” Twilight nodded. The ponies all boarded the rather large, gold embroidered train. Luna opened a blue, ovular portal. Celestia nodded and pointed her head out the window and fired a small, magic, orange sphere. The train took off after a few minutes, being pulled down immediately, because gravity does that to trains. Once the train was fully through the orange end of the pair of portals, Luna’s horn stopped glowing, the orange portal soon disappearing. Pinkie Pie peered precariously out the peep hole of the perilously precipitating procession, noticing a lot of flying fire and red liquid, as well as a fancy piece of alliteration. The train hit the ground at such an angle where it caused quite a raucous, but still left the vehicle mostly undamaged, the passengers all safe.

“Was die heil!?” I shouted in German, a train narrowly missing my perch. I had no choice but to tuck and roll down the giant fucking space train, getting enough bruises to ruin my day. What I saw while I was ditzily lolling my way down the thing, it appeared that Blade, Booms, and Fox were mostly a-ok. Except for that Boomer was being as far even as decided to use even go want to do more look like just before everything went spirally and I hit my head on the ground which is about when everything went black.

When I came to, as far as I could tell, I was on the back of a bouncy, small, pink horse. This did catch me off guard, as one rarely expects to wake up on a bouncy, small, pink horse.

“Why am I on a bouncy, small, pink horse?” I queried.

“Because you fell on the ground and bonked your head and the one that you guys call Boomer told the one you guys call Blades to tell me to pick you up and hide you but hiding is no fun unless someone is trying to find you so I walked around with you instead!” The bouncy, small, pink horse replied. I stared at the ground sort of distantly. “I’m a pony, by the way, so you can stop writing bouncy, small, pink horse, mister author man.” the pony I would discover later was named Pinkie Pie said, much to my confusion. I disregarded the latter half of her statement and slid off of her back. She continued on her merry way, leaving me a few moments to gather my bearings and continue defending from the attacking infected things I commonly referred to as zombies.

A/N Mr. Fail: PINKIE! STOP IT! IT TICKLES! HAHAHAHAHA NO STOP! STOP PLEASE! Yes, back into the computer. Sorry. I’d love to continue this another time.

“Okay, so, how many of you are there?” I asked an orange one the other ponies called Applejack.

“Eleven.”

“Mere du dieu! Qu’est que nous pouvons faire avec onze petits chevaux!?” I shouted. Applejack stared at me, wide eyed.

“Ya’ can speak fancy!?” She shouted. Fox and I began staking out rooms in the train, then extra sleeping spaces in the building we were currently staking out at. Movement was not uncommon, so moving everything would be much harder, but hopefully, with the added help, it would be less difficult. If not, then I might have to show some ponies the business end of a shotgun.

Twilight Sparkle:

These creatures are impressive. Bipedal, unimaginably more powerful than myself, and they appeared to be very protective. Luna and the one named Blades were talking over by the engine of the train. Bangarang (which I find to be a rather silly name) was off conversing with Rainbow Dash. Boomer was cleaning his gun while Rarity sort of watched him silently. I decided that it would be best to go talk to Fox, as getting acquainted to these people could only do good.

“Hello, Fox.” I said simply. He turned from his exploration of the train and faced me.

“Hello.... Twilight?” He said.

“Yes.” I replied, laughing a bit. He nodded.

“I’ll remember that.” He said, grinning.

“What can I do right now?” I asked, sort of stir-crazy.

“Uh... You could explain this train to me.” He said. I nodded and showed him a few key areas, mostly just the driver’s area. He seemed well acquainted with the controls.

“Do you need rails to drive this thing?” He asked.

“This one is a lot bigger than most of our other trains, so it normally just flies.” His eyes went wide, before he nodded.

“Cool.” He said, leaping rather sleekly though one of the front windows. I teleported out and followed him through the building they were staying in. It read ‘Motel’ in a red sign made out of ‘neon’, Fox told me. There were a lot of rooms and boarded up doors, but the few that we would inhabit looked tidy, clean, and mostly safe. He gave me a pat on the head then walked out. I have yet to understand the gesture, but I guess it was a kind one. Bangarang had walked in, I guess while I was preoccupied, so I figured I might as well talk to him too.

“Hey Bang.” I said.

“Aye.” He said.

“Is that your real name?” The question was in my head since I heard his name.

“No. Dante’s my name.” He said.

“Can I call you Dante then?” He shook his head angrily.

“The last time someone called me that, I had to kill them.” He said. I nervously nodded and left.

“Nice talking to you too.” He said loudly and sarcastically. Perhaps talking to him isn’t the best idea. Boomer and Blades were already talking, so I kind of nosed my way into the conversation.

“And that’s why I am sure they should- Oh, hey Twi.” Blade cut himself off. I looked at him in thought.

“Er... How are you two?” I asked.

“Fine.” Blades said.

“I’m doing well. Yourself?” Boomer replied coolly.

“I’m fine, thanks.” I said. They carried on a conversation further. One thing I couldn’t help but notice was how Pinkie seemed to make Dant- Bangarang smile wide.

Pinkie Pie:

“You wanna hear were I got my name from?” Bangy said. He was silly. I bounced behind him until he sat in front of a box with lights and moving pictures in it. He pressed a bunch of buttons and then sat back in the chair when I heard a sound start. He was dancing funny after the song said “bangarang” once but it was ok. I was dancing too after the song played a little more. When the song ended, we both giggled and fell on the floor.

“Oh Pinkie...” He said, sitting up and shaking his head. I looked at him funny

“What?” I said. He looked at me and smiled.

“You’re an awesome pony. We must party more often.” he said then walked away funny. I smiled. People like my parties too! You have no idea! Seriously, people reading this, you have no idea! Also, *hugs you* you should come party too. Anyways, I also Boomy and Bladey. Bladey was really lazy. Lazier than a dog on a hot day. And Boomy scared me for some reason, but like my granny said, the only way to deal with fears is to laugh! So I did. He looked at me weird, though. Oh well. He’ll be my friend sometime. I just know it! EVERYPONY is my friend, and soon everybody will be too. Very soon. Verrrrrry soon. So soon I can taste it. It tastes like chaos. Which tastes like cotton candy mixed with chocolate which is an amazing combination. You should try it sometime. Is Boomy chuckling? He’s laughing! I made him laugh.

Rarity:

“Why is he cleaning it so much? Does he actually care about it?” I couldn’t figure out this alien. He seemed so calm and determined.

“Quit staring. Makin’ me nervous.” He spoke to me, despite not facing me. He sounded gruff and apathetic. Almost annoyed.

“Oh terribly sorry. I was just wondering what that was, in your hands there?” I was tentative. Metal always made me nervous and a little edgy.

“This, my little pony friend (A/N Mr. Fail: I used to wonder what friendship could be), is a SPAS-12; Semi automatic shotgun with more fps (A/N Henry Anthony Courtler: OVER 9001!!!!)  than it needs. The tiny metal balls that it fires spread out and hit more than one target if you aim it right. I really would rather have a USAS with slugs, but whatever.” Boomer didn’t even look up as he talked. He picked up a different piece and began polishing it. I was about to compliment him on his shiny metal when he began speaking again. “I used to have this nice gun. This amazing USAS... I put evergreen forest paint on the stock and the rest of it was urban grey. Gave it explosive slugs too. She was so beautiful.” The man finished polishing his gun. “But I broke her. I broke her on a wall of all things. Accidentally slammed the handle and bent it beyond repair.” He seemed so sad that he had lost a complex piece of metal.

“Well darling, I don’t know much of anything you said. Other than she sounded gorgeous.” I stepped over to him and sat down next to him on the bench. “Why was she so special?”

“I took her to Cuba, Venezuela, and even Brazil. Every time I pulled her trigger, she knew exactly what I wanted. Every time she hit someone, they died. She was so perfectly tuned, and so perfectly functional. And then there were times that I could just let her go on a rampage. She was fully automatic and loved to spray. Just held her with one hand and let her fly. She cleared rooms in seconds and let me do my job better.”

“You are saying that you loved her because she killed people when you told her too?”

“Yes. Obedience is key, but I do let up sometimes because I know that I can’t control everything all the time.” There was a slight pause in the conversation. He looked as rough and scary as usual. I was thinking about how this alien thought. He seemed so logical, and calculating. But from my understanding, that was Blade’s job. In fact, Boomer seemed to be almost a perfect mix of everyone around him. But what part of him was actually who he was? He can’t just be bits and pieces of everyone else.

“So darling, where do you come from?” I asked trying to stir up some conversation in this dreary situation.

“My mother. Who else?” Was he kidding with me, or did he really not want to go into the subject? I pressed on further.

“No I mean like what kind of family and such. You can’t just have no history. Everypony has a story.” Now we were getting somewhere.

“My life is rather bland actually. Full family, well off, happy all the time. Left home at a decent age. Nothing ever really went wrong. Which is why I joined the military in the first place. I needed some adventure. Being pampered and everything took its toll within the first week though. That, little pony, is right where I realized that I had no character. There was no me. Just a hollow shell. So I made a new me. I am today, who I need to be. A leader, a friend, a savior, a lover,” at the word he almost cringed. I however; saw nothing wrong with the word. “Whatever the world needs me to be I will be. But for right now, I am hungry. Want some grub? It's almost time for elevenses.” The human had just invited me to lunch. It first hit as a shock, but I recovered my poise and accepted graciously. Lunch went well. The humans even had apples, which was good, as I absolutely despise foods that are processed. Boomer seemed to be quite the gentleman. He pulled out a seat for me and served me first. He used very nice manners and always asked for something out of his reach. He didn’t slurp or sniff or chomp. Everything was pleasant. Not something I expected from someone of his stature. The thought of a military just seemed like having a legion of diamond dogs do your bidding. Gross, unsanitary, rude, brash, and unnecessary, despite being incredibly powerful. The only bad part of the meal was when he left. No goodbye or any excuse of any kind. He just finished his meal and left.

Twilight:

Lunch time was quite revealing. Food was prepared rapidly, and Boomer proved himself to be a fantastic waiter. Every single one of the humans was surprisingly tactful, as if they had a shared pet peeve. Or perhaps it was just their nature, or their average intelligence. I couldn’t figure it out. No one ate obnoxiously, yet at the same time conversation was scarce. After eating though, each and everyone of them immediately got up and just left. Blade headed up to the roof, which is one of the places I haven’t gone so I decided to follow.

Stair after stair I climbed, hoping to even catch a glimpse of the lazy man I saw below. I had followed fairly fast, so I was really confused as to why I still hadn’t caught up to him or even seen him since I started going up these stairs. Finally though, I reached the roof, and found him there, his legs swinging down.

“Hello.” He calmly called. It seemed that each of these humans were hyper aware of their surroundings, as I had yet to even look at one without being noticed.

“H-hi.” I stuttered a bit and walked up the largest of all the humans here. I looked down at his lap, and noticed he was cleaning his... guns? Was that what they were called? I had seen Boomer doing the exact same thing earlier, perhaps it was a common chore, or a habit they shared? He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t seemed to find this awkward at all. I just sat next to him silently, watching as his elegant hands continuously cleaned the already shining black guns on his lap.

“Why are you still cleaning? They look fine.” I asked him gently. He took a second to reply.

“.... Clean is defined as?” He asked. It was a stupid question, and I was failing to grasp what he meant despite my normal wits.

“Well... Clean is when something is free of dirt, of anything that makes it... Impure.” He nodded in response, and kept running the gray rag over his pistols in a simple tempo.

“Precisely. And these are not clean of their impurities.” He said simply, then kept cleaning. My brain absorbed the words slowly, and I made a realization. ‘Cleanliness is in the eye of the beholder...’

We sat in silence for a good hour. I was pondering things over while staring at the strange city in front of me, and Blade was still just polishing. And cleaning. I decided to leave, getting up onto my hooves again and trotting out. I was startled when his lazy drawl reached my ears.

“Goodbye Twilight.” I stopped for a second, then answered.

“Goodbye. I’ll see you later.” I waited for a brief moment in case he would say anything, but it seemed he was done talking for now, so I left.

Blade:

The purple and pink pony left me alone with my guns once more. After a few moments though I detected another presence, and then heard an odd buzz. Automatically, I inclined my head to the left. As I did so, a cyan blue blur shot past me, right where my head was before, then skidded to a halt on the concrete below me. I sighed. I guess I am not meant to be alone this evening.

“Hey! Whats up?” A tomboyish voice called out to me from behind. I just shrugged my shoulders, my hands still rhythmically polishing my pistol barrels. I heard a slight rustle of wings and turned to find the blue pegasi exactly where Twilight had been a few moments before.

“Don’t you ponies have anything to do?” I knew my voice was gruff, and I was attempting to sound intimidating. Unfortunately, Rainbow Dash was the fearless pony of her group.

“Besides learn about the people we are going to be living with? Psh, no.” She grinned at herself and suddenly lifted off the ground to restlessly flutter around.

“All you guys do is clean your damn metal. So boring.” I shrugged once again.

“Boredom is a good thing every once in awhile, as you may learn. Time to think, time to be lazy... It doesn’t come that often around here.” I sighed and put away my wash rag, putting my pistols away. Rainbow Dash didn’t respond, so I leaned back, laying down and staring at the evening sky.

“Well, I guess I’ll learn that some other time. For now, this place is freaking boring!” I couldn’t help myself, I just burst out chuckling. Suddenly, she was in my face. Almost as soon as her bright red eyes invaded my vision though, my fingers wrapped around her slim throat automatically, cutting off her air flow. Her eyes widened hugely, and I forced myself to release her. She dropped down onto my chest in shock and her eyes looked a little fearful, as she frantically tried to scramble down me.

“Sorry.” She stopped moving. “Learn to never startle us... You may end up getting killed.”

“Well I’m sorry! That’s just the first time I’ve heard more than one; three words out of your mouth, and two, a laugh! It freaked me out. I really didn’t know you could laugh.” I rolled my eyes.

“Of course I can laugh. It’s just hard to provoke it. I’ve lived in this world far too long to be that happy.” Rainbow Dash blinked, confused.

“What do you mean? You have friends! You have food! You can entertain yourselves!” I just shook my head. This pony didn’t deserve to be stuck here. In this hell hole.

“... This world, is not at all what you think it is then.” She stiffened a bit, and I sat up, my voice cold. “Every day, this world screws you up just a little bit more.” I wasn’t willing to admit that these ponies’ innocence was angering. I wasn’t going to admit that I was acting like a total douche just because apparently these ponies had lived in heaven, where nothing bad EVER happened. I pushed her off my lap, and quietly mumbled a goodbye. Ignoring her questioning as I walked away, I headed back into the building.

Bangarang:

“Ooooohhh... Whazat!?” Pinkie asked excitedly as I started wiping down the length of my sniper rifle’s barrel.

“I like to call it Divine Intervention, but it’s an M24 with a biped and a red-dot modified refraction lens.” I replied coolly. She stared, confused, for a few moments.

“Can I call it your party cannon?” She asked. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sure. It’s my party cannon.”

“Yay! Anyways, you should show me what it does.”

“I... er... Ehm-” I tried, getting quickly interrupted.

“Please...?” She asked once more, making the cutest damn face I have ever seen. After a brief squee, I nodded and looked out on the horizon. Something that appeared to be a zombie was approaching, so I introduced its forehead to Mrs. Bullet. Pinkie grimaced at the sight.

“That’s more like an un-party cannon.” She commented in a considerably more mellow voice.

“Well, its a party for me.” I said, going back to giving the inside of the barrel a good wipe down. She nodded and sat, watching me rather carefully.

“Why do you like making those thingies’ heads explode?” She asked quietly.

“Because if I don’t, then they’ll eat my face.” I replied warily. Her eyes widened.

“Where can I get one?” She asked. I gave a laugh and lead her to our small armory, handing her only the grenade launching part of an M18. She learned how to use it effectively rather quickly, to my amusement. She sat next to me on the roof to keep watch on the horizon. Awkwardly enough, the sun was setting, turning the sky into a gradient of vibrant orange to a deep violet. I gave Pinkie a weird grin, which she mirrored. Giggling commenced.

Princess Luna:

I watched the general proceedings after lunch had concluded and noticed a general pattern in these humans. While each of them was polite during lunch after they all went in separate directions but all of them went to do the same thing. Clean. I saw Blade on the roof cleaning with Twilight sitting next to him, and Boomer cleaning with Rarity watching him. Pinkie was watching Bangarang cleaning too. I decided to find out what was so interesting about this cleaning and went to find the one called Fox. I found him sitting next to a pool cleaning a small metal object with many other small objects laid out in front of him. From the way the objects were arranged I guessed him to be a very organised personality, everything was set down in order of size. Smallest to biggest, the biggest part was in the shape of an L and not actually metal rather it was made of some strange material never seen in Equestria.

“Why do humans love to clean so much?” I asked.

“Why not,” was his mellow reply.

“Well this object seems perfectly clean to me, why bother?” I asked still perplexed.

“Well,” he said pulling out a white rag and quickly wiping it on the small object, “this is why,” he showed me the part of the cloth he had wiped the item with. It had acquired small gray splotches on it. I blinked in surprise.

“But it seems so clean,”

“Everything it not always as it seems my dear pony,” he said wagging his finger, “there are many here in this world that can attest to that statement and none more than I.”

“What makes you different?”

“Ah that is the question for a life time, a thousand in my case, why should I be able to make such claims? Tell me have you ever been unrecognisable to all close to you?” he asked me continuing to wipe the small object

“Once,” he raised an eyebrow, clearly that was not the response he expected.

“Well one time is certainly impressive, for an amateur.” he said with a sly smile.

“I didn’t do it because I wanted to test my hiding skills,” I said simply.

“Hide? Oh, no, I don’t hide, I simply become a new person. I have been literally thousands of different people. Each one with his own story and life. That is my job.”

“So where do you come from?” I asked him trying to find out more about him. He waved his hand in a vague gesture.

“Oh here and there and everywhere.” he said in a bored tone.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” I said sort of frustrated with him.

“Or maybe you haven’t asked the right question.” he said

“What does that mean?” I asked perplexed.

“It means your question has no answer, so you need to find a new one if you're going to learn anything about me.”

“Okay. Where were you born?”

“California,”

“Where’s that?” he waved in a direction that held no meaning to me.

“That-a way,” he looked at me and must have noticed the displeasure on my face, he walked into the hotel and came back with a large piece of paper.

“This is a map of the United States, here’s where we are,” he said pointing then moved his finger over the far left side, “here is California,” he said.

“If this is The United States why are there lines in between them all?” I asked

“Territory lines,” he said, “it helps when one state makes a new law that none of the

others want to adhere to,” he said.

“That doesn’t sound very united,”

“It’s not but it is as close to united as any other country has gotten close to.” this confused me, in Equestria all ponies were united no pony lived under any more or less laws than another pony. I decided not to think about it and keep probing him for information about himself.

“Is Fox your real name or just a nick name?” at this his eyes narrowed.

“Fox is my nick name, but my real name is known to none but me.” he said harshly.

“Why does no one else know your name?”

“A name is something those in my profession go without. It’s for the safety of ourselves and our families.”

“But I don’t mean any harm to you.”

“Even though you have innocent intentions you could slip up and tell people my name. I can’t take that chance.”

“Well...why do they call you Fox?” he sighed.

“So many questions,” at this point he took out a small bottle of liquid and put it on his cloth and kept scrubbing. “but I suppose it is natural for you to be curious. My name was acquired by way of ‘stereo type’ you see an animal that lives on this planet is called a fox. Foxes when portrayed in fantasy tales are always deceptive little creatures always leading people astray with lies or half-truths. Being a spy, and the best to ever live at that, I was equated with a fox so the name just stuck.” I laid down satisfied with what I had found out... for now. I watched him scrub the small piece in a methodical rhythm, till I fell asleep in the warm afternoon sun.

Rainbow Dash:

Blade left me on the roof. I thought he was a bit like me, the way he didn’t work when he could and just laid around. I don’t think he was lazy for the same reason as me. Out of curiosity, I sat where he sat. The place where he had been sitting had a perfect view. In more ways than one. I understood positioning because I often sat on clouds back in Ponyville, and would pick clouds to lay on that would let me see the entire town, and at the same time give me a perfect view of the sky so I could check for clouds. The way Blade sat, he could see every single street that lead to this building. Every entrance, every escape route, was one hundred percent visible to him. What's more, he had the best view of the sunrise. I wondered to myself if he was fully conscious of this, or if it was pure luck. I decided to take up his watch, observing this new world.

Bangarang:

“Pinkie, get behind me.” I said solidly.

“Bu-”

“PINKIE.” She receded. I casually twirled a bullet in my fingers and pulled back on the chamber in one swift movement, cocking it in the process. I brought the scope to my eye and gave two zombies the what for as a result of their attacking my comrades. Pinkie flinched as she let loose a grenade to follow my fire. I brought up another bullet and took two steps back, giving another zombie a serious headache. Pinkie, almost in rhythm, fired another grenade no more than half a second later. After a second long rush, I decided it would be best to just hope that Pinkie could fire an M18. I made a break for the door and dove in, grabbing the M18 and diving out. I tossed it to her and watched as she grabbed it and began shooting nearly flawlessly. Damn, this pink pony... How she does it, I’ll never know. Now that the number of attackers was lowering, I decided to kick the switch on a speaker, letting some Wolfgang Gartner blare over our establishment, solely for a little morale boost, if at all. I loaded a full eight-bullet magazine and took a ready stance. Pinkie had a satchel of magazines and grenades at her ready. I looked at her, unable to do anything but grin. That silly smile was smacked clean from my visage when I looked back along the barrel. A swarm was coming. Every single alley was seemingly teeming with zombies, the masses headed straight for us.

“SWARM!” I shouted, scooping Pinkie up in my arms and slinging my rifle over my back. I ran up the spiral steps to my sniping nest and set Pinkie down, pulling my rifle out once more and taking deadly aim. I was stopped for a few moments when Pinkie hugged me from behind. I gently squeezed her hoof and went back to aiming. The music turned off, no doubt by Blade. Pinkie still had incredible accuracy with grenades. I’d have to scrounge up a better grenade launcher, eventually. For now, we had to force around two hundred of these things that appeared to have one conglomerate brain. It also appeared that removing one brain just pissed them off more.

Boomer:

I spotted Blade brooding on the third floor. I had gone up to check on him earlier, just because I care about the lazy bastard. Now, normally everyone leaves him be when he’s in his bad mood, because he is a real douche bag, but for some reason I felt that he needed to chat. I sat down in front of him, and got straight to the point.

“What's wrong?” He glared at me like hard enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight.

“... These ponies. They are so god damn ignorant of everything evil.” He seemed irritated and somehow... envious.

“Yeah. I know.” He sighed and sat back. He’s such a simple guy. Just a couple of words and everything is off his chest.

“Also. I have a theory. a bad one.” I stiffened. Blade’s theories were almost always accurate.

“... Yeah?” He nodded, closing his eyes and leaning against the wall like all his energy was gone.

“We haven’t seen more than a few zombies the past few days. What's more unsettling, is that each one has come at us from a different street, and every single one has come at us in different ways. What if all these zombies are scouts?” He stopped for a second to let me ponder what he was saying.

“What if... These are less primitive than we thought. Perhaps a hive mind virus is what we are dealing with, and in reality.... We are about to get swarmed.” My eyes widened.

Fox:

“SWARM!!!” I heard the shout along with a muffled explosion from my seat just having finished cleaning my guns. I sighed, it seem the pony napping in front of me was a heavy sleeper as the noise hadn’t woken her. I stood up putting together my sparkling clean G18, then I shook Luna awake.

“You need to get yourself and your friends to safety.” I whispered into her ear not wanting to alarm her.

“Wh-”

“No questions, what’s about to happen isn’t for the eyes of the Innocent.” I said firmly.

“Understood,” she said standing slowly.

I reached over for my rifle as she took off to gather up all the other ponies. I ran over to the sniper nest preparing for the worst. I found a battle already in progress Bangy was up in the sniper nest shooting zombies and Pinkie Pie was somehow managing to fire a weapon of her own. So perplexed by the small pony being able to fire a weapon I didn’t notice the trio of zombies running toward me until they were very close. I dropped my rifle and whipped out my G18 just in time to take out the eyeballs of the two on the sides then kicking the last one in the chest sending it reeling backwards and ending it’s infected second life with two shots to the skull. I picked up my rifle again and began picking off the zombies as they struggled to find an entrance to Bangarang’s post. This, however, attracted some unwanted attention. Half a dozen zombies turned and ran at me, while I easily took them out from afar, their dying screams attracted even more zombies. I took out as many as I could with the one clip I had, kicking myself for not carrying more with me. Once it was empty I pulled out my G18 switching it to full auto, and dashed for the entrance shooting any zombies in my way.

Blade:

I heard the shout, right after my entire theoretical thought process got to Booms. I stood up calmly, while Boomer ran out the door. I sighed and headed outside through another door, and was faced with two streets of zombies heading towards us.

“... I really need to plan for this shit.” I said to myself. I reached into my pockets, grabbing a hold of a couple of my self-made explosives. They were tiny, but highly combustible little balls. They resembled marbles. The zombies began to run straight at me, my blood very attractive to them. They were approaching fast, but I stood still. There was really nothing to worry about.

“BLADE! What the hay are you doing?! Get out of there!” That tomboyish accent rang painfully in my ears and I looked to the sky to see Rainbow Dash’s head peeking over the roof.

“Calm your balls missy.” I glared at her from the ground. The zombies approached even faster. I sighed and launched the balls in my hands towards the wave, then my glove clad hands shot up to my pistols before the explosives even neared the ground. About sixteen zombies exploded, six dropping by gunshot to the head a second later. And now I had to fall back.

Bangarang:

Once the horde was mostly cleared, I sat back. Blades and Booms could take care of the rest. Pinkie sat down on my lap, facing me.

“I- Er... Pinkie?” I stuttered.

“Thanks for saving me earlier.” She said.

“No problem.” I said. She leaned in and I about had two and a half heart attacks (rounded down, of course), but she only nuzzled my nose. I sighed and stroked her cheek twice, then tried getting up. The only reason I didn’t was that Pinkie full-on laid down over my upper half. I must admit that this caught me off guard, as one hardly expects a small, bouncy, pink horse to lay on them. I didn’t care though. If this pony wanted to lay down on me, then by jove, she can. As long she didn’t do anything sexual. Unless laying on someone is sexual in pony terms. Oh god...

“Erm... Pinkie?” I said, probably nervous.

“Yes?” She said, sitting up and looking at my face from a dangerously close angle.

“I- I- I- I-...” I stuttered at first, then closed my mouth. I took a half second to regain my cool. “Are you coming onto me?” She actually turned bright red (at least I think she did. It’s really hard to tell with that pink coat) and backed off.

“I wasn’t, sorry if you thought I was.” She said nervously. I laughed awkwardly.

“It’s fine. I mean, I don’t know enough about pony culture or social interaction to know what that-” I motioned to her then myself multiple times, “means.” She nodded and shrugged.

“For ponies, that’s just when somepony and their very special somepony are being alone, y’know?” I nodded.

“What does ‘very special somepony’ mean?” I was fascinated that ponies even had their own slang or dialect.

“Um... Kind of like... Uh... You!” She pointed off in some direction, “Person reading this! Tell me what it’s like in person terms!” I was dreadfully confused. She turned to me though, after long enough.

“Boyfriend and girlfriend, apparently.” She said. My jaw dropped so hard it discovered the center of the Earth.

“Whoa, Pinkie... You’re a nice chick, but you’re still a pony.” I said. My face must have been beet red. She looked at me sort of funny.

“So?” She said rather innocently. I stood up and made my way over to the ladder.

“Because I have certain... urges that I only ever let a girlfriend satisfy... and I’m not really into that kind of thing with non-humans... No offense to you, because I’m sure you’re very attractive in pony terms, and that anypony would be lucky to... Yeah... But still. I’m not into that... Sorry.” She gave a sad nod that made my heart figuratively burst.

“I understand. I probably shouldn’t be interested in a non-pony anyways. Sorry.” She said solemnly. Again, my chest throbbed.

“It’s ok...” I said quietly. She sat and propped her gun up on a window sill. I slid down the ladder silently, kicking off the bottom rung and flipping off the thing, dealing my face a good smack to the pavement. Napkin to nose, I got up to ask Blade a few questions.

Boomer:

This was retarded. Zombies were supposed to be brain dead, not smart enough to rush us. Not smart enough to attack us when we were reloading. Not smart enough to move the barricades. Having a sniper helped a lot, but suddenly he stopped. That must mean that they would stop soon, that they were thinning. I spotted Blade just a small distance away hiding behind a pile of sandbags. “No don’t reload. Don’t do it now...” I spotted a seemingly larger zombie trotting up to the wall of sand he was hiding behind. It was impossible for him to see or even hear it. Before i could take aim, the beast picked up the wall and scattered the bags everywhere. It fell to the ground with a thud as I put three pills in its head. A new respect for the M16 was found. I got up from my hiding spot and ran to Blade while shifting the strap across my chest. Away went the assault rifle and out came the shotgun. I blew down the one closest to my friend before helping him up. Instead of hiding from the mob, we stood and fought. The horde was thin enough for us to survive without tactics. We stopped firing when the last one fell, high fived, and headed back inside. Where my leg began to be molested by a white tumor.

Blade:

“So... Ponies?” Bang asked in my direction. I raised an eyebrow.

“Hm?”

“So, Ponies?”

“What about them?”

“What about them indeed.”

“Excuse me?” Damn, this man’s logic, I swear...

“What’s your opinion on them?”

“I- “

“That’s nice. Look, Pinkie sees me as a very special somepony.”

“What?”

“Boyfriend.”

“How’s that suiting you?”

“It’s not.”

“Why-”

“Look, are any of them expressing interest in you, Booms, or Fox?”

“Not that I-”

“Fuck!” He flipped a nearby desk and stormed off. I don’t even...

“Blades!” Boomer asked from above. I swear, I can’t get good alone time...

“What?”

“What do we do if ponies want to bang us?”

“... I’m sorry... What?”

Boomer:

“Because Rarity here... I... Get off! God damn!” I yelled. She kept getting uncomfortably close. It’s un-ladylike and socially unacceptable, usually, to have an equine figure have feelings for a human. Come to think of it, that’s just all around weird.

“I’m not getting on you.” She said. I backed away from her once more.

“Might as well be. Jeez.”

“I like being close to my protectors, thank you.” She said. I nodded.

“So you don’t think that what you’re doing is at all... playful?”

“Why, no, I think protection is serious business.”

“No... I mean, perhaps... kinky?”

“What does that mean?”

“Arousing?”

“I still-”

“You are so innocent... It makes it look like you want to do very bad things to me.”

“Like yell at or argue with? Or insult your hair?”

“More like bang.”

“You mean kick? No I don’t want to do that.”

“No... Like... Uh... Screw?”

“Now that’s just silly! You couldn’t hold two pieces of wood together!”

“I could, but wouldn’t. But let’s not go there.”

“Go where?”

“Fuck?”

“What does THAT mean?”

“Ever heard of Barry White?”

“Who?”

“Rock my body?”

“Like a rocking chair?”

“Ever heard any rap song ever”

“Wrap?”

“Do the nasty with?”

“Take out garbage? What does that have to do with protection?”

“No... Er... Make love to?”

“OH HEAVENS NO!!!!” She shouted, immediately hurrying away from me. I rolled my eyes.

“YOU asked. And sorry to bother you Blade. I needed someone to pry her off me and you worked beautifully. I’ll see if I can get you some alone time later. For now just beware the ponies.”

Blade:

Why can’t I stop laughing? Those two... Boomer and Rarity... I don’t-

“Blades?”

“GOD DAMN.” I said loudly, sitting up. Twilight receded a bit.

“Sorry... Is this a bad time?”

“No... Just... Yes?” I queried.

“Do you mind if I study your anatomy?”

“Uh... Are you trying to... uh...”

“To what?”

“Never mind.”

“WHY WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD GO OUT OF MY SPECIES!? THAT’S TERRIBLE! BY CELESTIA, I OUGHT TO BRING HARM UPON YOU! I mean, think of what children would look like! Goodness!” Rarity shouted from above.

“That.” I said tiredly. Twilight’s eye twitched a bit.

“Uh... Do you even have those parts?” She asked slowly.

“Yeah.” I said, my brain ignoring the warning flares.

“Oh?” She grinned a bit.

“Mhm.” I yawned, bringing a hand to my mouth.

“Prove it.” I stared at her awkwardly, my hand dropping to my side.

“Um...” I couldn’t really say anything.

“I was just kidding.” She said, laughing. I went to go find an anatomy book from behind the desk at the lobby, under a shelf marked “Emergency”, of all places. She grabbed it using her  unicorn horn magic and walked off with it. Pleased with the silence once more, I began walking over to a couch, only to be rapidly stopped by Rainbow Dash speeding in the door and in

to my legs. As the ground rapidly approached my face, my hands shot out, and I rolled myself back onto my feet.

“Why....?” I managed, looking down at her behind me.

“Sorry. I thought you moved faster than that.” She said sarcastically. I smirked.

Fox:

I had been out scavenging when I noticed a dark object flying above me. Too big to be any bird.

“What do you think your doing?” I shouted into the sky, Luna slowly descended she no doubt followed me to ask more questions and find out more about me. “You know it’s dangerous out here. You should head back.” I said to her and as if to justify my statement I heard an unearthly moan from behind me . I whipped around pulling my G18 from the holster ready to shoot the zombie. However, on turning about I was greeted with an explosion of zombie bits. Shocked I looked about expecting to see Blade leaning against a wall, but there was only the pony. Her horn glowing a menacing shade of blue. She tossed her mane.

“You know it’s dangerous out here,” she said. I closed my gaping mouth. She had just made the zombie explode before my very eyes.

“What the fuck was that? I don’t even!” my mind was still trying to figure out how she could have combusted something from nearly forty meters away without touching it!

“That was magic.” she said coolly.

“That’s... that’s just haxx,” I said my mind still boggled at the act of extreme magic.

“What are hacks?” she asked, more questions...

“It’s when you cheat the system and that!” I said pointing to the smoldering pile. “that is life haxx! I pursued a scientific career before being a spy. And DON’T ask me how the two got crossed! But this, this breaks all laws of physics EVER!” I shouted.

“Well it’s all perfectly natural in Equestria.”

“Natural?! What is so natur-” I stopped mid sentence aimed and fired a bullet right past Luna’s head into the zombie that had come from a building directly behind Luna. I had forgotten a rule of the zombie apocalypse... volume control. And apparently Luna had never even heard of the rules. She looked shocked, clearly she thought the bullet was meant for her.

“WHAT DOEST THOU THINK YE ARE DOING UNGRATEFUL WHELP!?” she shouted so loud I think my eardrum broke.

“What in the hell kind of voice was that?” I loud whispered hoping there weren’t any zombies around.

“That was the traditional Canterlot voice. Used to address our subjects.”

“Please,” I pleaded, “don’t ever talk like that again, while we are here.”

“Why not?” I didn’t have to answer the question at least ten zombies crawled out of the wrecked buildings around us.

“We may want to run,” I said. So we started running. It wasn’t until we had almost made it back to home base when I realised Luna had, in fact, ran the whole way with me. She could have flown. Hell she could have killed all the zombies with her magic, but she stayed with me. I thought about this very odd behavior.

Bangarang:

You know, I really hate those stupid stragglers. The zombies that are, at random, just derpin’ about in our base. I ESPECIALLY hate it when they sneak up on someone, or somepony, rather. Pinkie wasn’t even doing anything harmful. She was just minding her own business when wham, she gets attacked. She doesn’t know how to handle herself any closer than ten meters. She could easily be taken down from melee distance, which is the only way these zombies know how to attack. I walked in when the the thing threw her over its shoulder and through a window. Everything went red and fuzzy, so I hardly noticed when I ripped the thing’s throat out almost immediately. I tore my shirt in half and ran outside, using the cloth to wrap up Pinkie’s torso and neck to prevent any blood loss. She just went through a window and took shards of glass in the everything, for god’s sake. I picked her up and ran to my room. Night was falling, and I definitely didn’t want to risk leaving this small, bouncy, pink horse... MY small, bouncy, pink horse... Out in danger. I laid her down on my bed and sat next to her. She drowsily looked up.

“I- ow- Thank you...” She nudged my back with a hoof. I gently placed a hand on her hoof.

“What did it do before I walked in?” I had to make sure it hadn’t spread the virus.

“It kept punching my neck... And then it tried choking me, then it threw me, then you came in.” She said. I actually shed a tear. She also started crying. I pondered it a few moments, then laid down, gently wrapping my arms around her sides.

“I’m not gonna let that happen again.” I said. She either was asleep or fell asleep, but either way, was breathing heavily. I laughed. Damn, this pony has made me smile so much lately. Hell, this pony has been my sense of humor. Well, I guess I’m standing guard for the night.

Boomer:

“Rarity, you gotta start getting off of me. I’m serious, I’m a flip a nut if you don’t get away.” She was practically hugging my leg these days. Ever since the pinkie attack, she hasn’t left my side. She even sleeps on the floor in my room. It is a little sad to see someone so regal sleeping on the floor. Probably going to give her my bed tonight.

“That doesn’t seem like a big consequence. Why does one acorn being flipped matter? Regardless, this is serious. And no matter how many bad comments you make about what our children should be named, I’m not leaving.” Holy balls this pony was bitchier than my mother.

“Well at least answer me this. Why me?” I knew why, but she needed to say it.

“Because I deserve only the best protection. Obviously that is you. A pony such as myself needs a meat shield like you.” Yep that’s what I thought.

“Well I’m flattered.” I also had an idea. I walked over to where the armory was. Bangs was in there as well, polishing the guns. He chuckled when I walked in with the white tumor on my leg.

“Heading out to scavenge a bit. We need more morphine.”

“Why would we use...” I cut him off.

“We. Need. More. Morphine.” Then I nodded in the direction of Rarity, which was down. Bangs understood and tossed me a shotgun.

“If you are leaving I’m going with you.” I didn’t object. She obviously felt safe with me. Which was brilliant. I gave Bangs my sidearm as a trade. He didn’t question me but Rarity did.

“Are more guns not better? Take the other one too!”

“Nope, don’t need it. We probably won’t even see anything else.” I took off my grenade belt and dropped that to the floor.

“If you say so, darling.” Darling... The word hurt. A lot. Hopefully after this, though, I wouldn’t ever have to see her face again.

We walked out into the open. I took it slow, mainly because of the pony humping my leg. She didn’t ever stop touching it with her side, which made it extremely hard to walk. My stride was a bit gimpy and it annoyed me.

“It’s okay... Just get to the plan and she’ll be out of your hair...” I told myself. We came to a few crumbling buildings. I broke down the door to one of them and stepped inside. Rarity followed close behind and re-attached herself to my leg.

Luna:

“Yes?” I questioned an approaching Pinkie.

“Am I the only one that wishes I could be human?” She asked.

“No...”

“Oh really?”

“Yes.”

“Hello girls.” Twilight said, also joining us.

“Did you happen to hear that?” I asked.

“Yes. Is it possible?” Twilight asked.

“We’d have to turn everypony at once.” I explained.

“Well, everypony would be okay with that.” Pinkie commented.

“That’s true.” I responded. Pinkie already had everypony gathered. Derpy was the only one that looked concerned.

“I just don’t know about this.” The cross eyed pony said.

“Trust me, we’ll all be fine.” I tried to calm the pony. She nodded and sat. I quickly let the spell out. I don’t know about anypony else, but it hurt. A LOT. Thankfully, I put everyone to sleep before I passed out.

When everypony came to, as far as I could tell, they were all human. Their manes and eyes were still the same colors, but their skin colors were different. Most everypony had similar skin colors to the other humans, but Derpy was a bit more pale. My mane was no longer as flowy as it was, but at least I could still feel magic pulsing through me, as well as my... wings?

“Rarity and I can still use our magic.” Twilight said.

“As can I.” I responded. Pinkie immediately rushed off, for whatever reason. Applejack was checking herself over, I’m assuming just to figure out what everything was in relation to pony biology. Some of us did also gain clothing of a similar color to our former coats. I strode off to go find Fox.

Bangarang:

“I’M A HUMAN!” I heard Pinkie’s voice shout. I turned in the direction from which it came, immediately getting thrown to the ground in a hug.

“You are...” I said, returning the embrace. She laid there for a few minutes, actually. She did appear to be unclothed, however. So when she did finally stand, I felt obligated to avert my eyes.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” She asked, sort of disappointed.

“You’re naked.” I said simply.

“I don’t normally wear clothes, though.” She said, obviously confused.

“It’s different for humans. Erm... here, take my hoodie...” I said, pulling off my black and white checkered shirt and putting it on her. She looked more confused than anything.

“Public nudity is a crime in these parts. Even though I really don’t mind all that mu-” Something else distracted me, “Why is Rarity stripping for Boom- Forget it,” I returned my attention to Pinkie, “You don’t have to be embarrassed about it. Just... not in public. Okay?” She nodded and followed me to the roof. I also gave her a package of boxers, simply do avoid up-skirting (for lack of a better term). She didn’t know any better, so she was perfectly fine with it. I would make it a point to go get her more pants and shirts eventually. For now, boxers and a hoodie with no shirt underneath it would have to do. It’s attractive, so I don’t really care.

Fox:

I heard a familiar ruffling of feathers.

“Hello, Fox.” said Luna. I looked up from cleaning the trigger of my G18 expecting Luna the pony and saw a woman walking toward me in a shirt the same color as Luna’s coat. With hair the same color and shape as Luna’s mane. She even had her wings and her ...cutie mark? I believe, on her left shoulder.

“Luna?” I asked, setting down the gun I had been cleaning, she nodded, “maybe you aren't an amateur after all.” I said smiling.

“So...what do you think?” she asked shyly.

“I-well, um..y-you...” never in my life had been at a loss for words more than at that moment, the truth was she was gorgeous.

“You don’t like it?” she asked me, looking down cast.

“No! No, I just *cough* I’m not good at talking to beautiful women is all. It ahh it’s something I could never get over, almost got caught a few times in my career because of it” I said before I could stop myself. I was about to face palm when she hugged me gently. I hugged her back a smile appearing on my face. A true smile, not a fake one I had plastered on so many thousands of times while working as a spy. We stood there embracing each other for what seemed like an eternity, but it still ended too soon. We separated and I stared into her eyes. She stared back but she must have seen something in my eyes that worried her.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked me. I gave a hollow laugh at that.

“Wrong? No, not while I’m here with such an amazing woman.” I said smiling again. She would not be persuaded so easily however.

“What’s bothering you?” she asked, I thought for a moment about how to tell her what was bothering me. Then realised I didn’t even know. I sat down and thought about the question, coming up with my answer.

“Life...mine to be more specific. Around the time I was five a terrible war started. That ended around the time I was ten, then a new war started that one lasted until I was thirteen. It didn’t stop there; another war started. This trend has continued throughout my life, and the lives of my friends, though I don’t think it affects them in the same way.” I took a moment to think back on all those years ago.

“What do those wars that happened so long ago have to do with you now?” asked Luna, she was becoming more concerned.

“Because, it wasn’t just one war with a break before another one started. It was war, after war, after war. All my life I have grown up with the top news stories being about how some group of soldiers was killed in some way or another. I-I’ve become dead inside, I’m not as happy as I should be to see you like.” I gestured toward her. “like this,” I said finally, turning away from her. She sat next to me putting her arms around me.

“What do you mean?” she asked,

“I mean, for the first time probably in the history of Earth a woman has given up all she ever knew to be with a man... and a man like me of all people!” I shouted, mixed feelings rushing through me. I turned away from her and buried my face in my hands. She sat next to me putting her arms gently around me

“Oh Fox...” she said gently, I turned in her arms to face her again. I put my arms around her and we sat there. I even forgot about the guns I still had to clean. At least until I had to take my turn as watch.

Rarity:

I woke up surprised to find clothes. I suppose everypony else had the feeling as well, but I was probably the most astounded. My “shirt” was much smaller than everypony else’s and had a pink heart right above my new chest. It bulged out and seemed to weigh me down a bit. Just part of becoming Human I guess. I went to show the first person I could think of. Boomer. I stepped into the room and shouted “Ta-Da!”

“Rarity you must be kidding me. I thought you were a lady. Not a tramp.”

“What? You don’t like how I look?” I was extremely offended.

“Honestly? You look like you need to take a cold shower.” I didn’t understand. “You’re sexy. And I think it’s your clothes. Sexy is not a good look on a woman who thinks highly of herself. It’s for pornstars and prostitutes.”

“Oh, welI, I can just take them off.” I began undressing, thinking nothing of it. I had no clothes before and it shouldn’t matter if I was naked again.

“Oh dear god! Have you no shame?” He looked away and covered his eyes. I was so confused. Just a minute ago he had been telling me that I did not look acceptable. But now he stops me halfway through undressing. My top was already halfway off and the cloth was rolled up above my new larger chest. “Just...” He uncovered his eyes and walked over to me.” Just keep these clothes. I guess sexy is good, and you can definitely pull te look off.” He began rolling back down my shirt for me. “Little Boom agrees.”

“Who?” I had never heard of this new person. I turned to see if anyone was coming into the room.

“My friend. People don’t see him much. Actually no one has ever seen him but me, and that black guy from the jail I got sent to.”

“You were sent to jail?” I was suddenly scared.

“Indeed. We all were.  But we were wrongly imprisoned. I got out and got here which is all that matters. Now please take a walk with me. We have some business to attend to.” Before I could pull a “hard to get” card he grabbed my hand and led me away faster than I would have liked. It drew a few stares, but it didn’t matter. Even though he was only touching my hand, I felt safe. He led me away from the hotel and eventually let go.

“Do you think you can keep pace with me? I won’t run or anything but we may be walking a while. And I don’t stop much” I nodded and started walking on my own by his side, as opposed to trailing helplessly behind him. “I take you on this walk now, because it seems that your stay here has become permanent. I don’t think Celestia will like humans in her world. Do you know what our world looked like before this invasion of sorts?”

“Wasn’t it always like this?” I was about to get a very valuable lesson.

“No. Not in the least. This world once had trees growing out of every corner of green land. Everything that wasn’t green was either a desert teeming with unseen life, or a winter wonderland. Our world was beautiful. And we ruined it.” I was shocked, my mouth literally dropped. We came to the top of the hill and a vast view lay before me. It showed smoke rising to the skies and a few decimated buildings. It made me realize what world I had come to.

“How did it get this way? Is this all because of the zombies?” They seemed to be the only logical explanation.

“No. No we as a race did this way before the zombies did. We ended up killing our own almost as much as they have. We tore down trees for safety and ended up tearing down too many. We even had an excess of wood by the time that this was happening. We slaughtered thousands of animals with machines that used oil and gas to fuel it. We had to get those from the deep down in the ground and as we mined away, sinkholes and earthquakes began to happen.” It was sad to know that the world had come close to an end because of the species, but what did it have to do with me? “I tell you this because I care. Because this is your home now, and I want you to know that I’m sorry. Sorry on behalf of the whole human race. I will take the blame. For all we know, we are the only people left on the planet, and I am in the highest seat of power. So it’s my responsibility. Just know that I’m sorry for wrecking your home.”

“I don’t know what to say...” A pause. Then, “It can’t all be your fault, darling.”

“It doesn’t have to be. That’s the point of having someone in power. They give direction, they give consolidation, they give safety, and they take the punishment for everyone they oversee.” He was making no sense. Celestia wasn’t like that. No one could ever punish her because she was the highest seat of power. This man was just punishing himself. All this happened to be was self discipline. Suddenly, a zombie was sprinting towards us. I ran and hid behind the man before me. My arms and hands flew up and around my head and I pulled my knees close to my chest. Or at least as close as I could get them without hurting my new chest balloons. Boomer took action and soon forgot he was my shield. His hand shot into the zombie’s jaw and sent it spinning. It soon gained its footing back and ran even faster at him while screaming louder. He deftly caught it’s face and brought it to the ground. While it’s head lay there under his control he shifted his feet to an awkward position. He looked like he was losing leverage and power with his new stance. He suddenly let go and barely avoided having his hand taken off by a bite. The footing now made sense, because not only did he flip backwards, but he landed almost horizontal to the ground with one hand on the cement. To gain back his footing and strike the zombie in one swift motion, he began running forward, still maintaining the same angle. His shoulder shifted and arced downwards until it was level with the stomach. He hit it hard and sent it flying into a pipe on the side of the road. It’s spine seemed to make a loud snap, but never the less it got back up into a standing position. Boomer didn’t hesitate; he grabbed a forlorn piece of wood and took a few advancing steps towards the zombie. I was confused as to why he stopped, but then it became clear he understood mechanics much better than I could ever hope. Just as he stopped walking the beast began charging. He hit it on the bottom of the chin and swung upwards and all the way around. The way he moved seemed so fluid and graceful. He hit the ghoul once more on the chin before twisting the other way mid spin and breaking the board over its head. The beast reeled before charging Boomer once more. The zombie grabbed Boomer’s shirt and began swinging him in an attempt to throw him into a wall. I began to grimace at the thought of Boomer getting hurt, but my imagination never rang true. Before the brute could release its grasp, Boomer had his fist balled up inside it’s shirt. Boomer switched his footing around and threw the brute into the wall.

“Don’t you dare watch, Rarity.” He spoke softly before the zombie scream cut off his explanation. As his fist cocked back, I turned away. The bellows of the zombie were only broken by deep, repetitive thuds. Soon the screaming stopped, but the sickening cracks and breaking was still heard. That stopped eventually as well, about right before I felt like throwing up. I turned to see what the damage was but in my way stood Boomer. I looked up from his legs and saw his face. It held anger and remorse, as if he regretted saving me. I tried to look behind him but before I could see anything other than trickling blood, he grabbed me under the shoulders and hoisted me up. He also spun me around and threw his arm over me.

“Gently please! You’re not being very gentlemanly!” He was being rough and coarse and everything I hated about the other sex.

“If you saw that you would hate me. Home we go.”

“No! Show me!” I began whining. It worked on the dogs so why wouldn’t it work here?

“Fine. You think you’re getting what you wanted but you’re not.” I turned to see a dramatic site.

The first thing I noticed was the amount of blood. It was splattered against the wall and only the pavement. It looked as if the man has shoved grenade after grenade into the poor thing’s skull. The next most obvious feature, were the cracks along the wall. They streaked up and down and all around, all ending at the poor human’s grey matter which was still plastered to the wall. Little bits of bone hung from the entrails, which finally pushed me over the edge. I lost my uneaten breakfast. I dropped to the floor and curled up a little, away from dinner from last night of course. When I finally made heads and tail of things, I looked at Boomers face. He was sorry, which in this case, was enough for me.

“I don’t hate you. But could you please escort me home darling. I seem to be a bit unbalanced.” Without a word he put his arm around my back an under my arm. He held me firmly but not rough as he did last time. We walked back in silence.

Boomer:

Sometimes I just want to lay face down in the dirt and sob. I did everything, but sob when we got back to base. Rarity was probably going to break the weird thing we had going on, off because she saw what I did. Normally I don’t care about that stuff but it seemed so wrong to have someone so innocent see what I could do to a single entity. So I put her in her room and turned to go derp around and try and clear my head. My head never got clear.

“You know that she’s like two inches taller than you right?” Bangs stood in front of me criticizing my height for the elleventy billionth time this week. Being 5’ 8” was not something fun.

“And yours does crack when you aren’t looking. So what?” Even though i had a retaliation, I had already lost the battle. No matter how many times I got called short, the jokes always caught me off guard.

“You dumb ass, it’s acid. Get it right. Besides, it’s better than your prissy ‘DO NOT DENY MY I AM FASHION’ pony.”

“Okay. Were done. You can call me short, but now we're arguing about who’s chick is better. That proves that it’s time for beers.”

“Oh hell yeah! We haven’t gotten wasted since weeks before the apocalypse!” We were both beginning to get excited. But disaster struck.

“Do we even have booze?” We both face palmed.

“No... No we don’t...”

“Erm... We should start moving out again...” Blades said, sliding off the roof and landing with a rough ‘wump’.

“Why...?” I asked.

“Zombies. Zombies... Fucking... everywhere.” He said. I nodded.

“All aboard the magical space train, then?” Blades and Bangs nodded. I waved at Fox, who was off with Luna. He nodded and began gathering our guns and stuff.

Fox:

I loaded the various items into the train. The food, the guns, the... whatever we need to survive... stuff. Everything we had to our name. Which wasn’t much. I’m always the one loading things up, I don’t know why that’s just the way it is. Luna helped with her magic, which I still don’t understand! I freak out every time something moved on it’s own. I can’t help it. I’m a man of laws, and when laws are broken, I don’t like it.

“Gah! Luna please just pick it up with your hands!” I exclaimed as a box floated past my head.

“What for? Using magic is so much simpler.” she said, sitting on top of a crate legs crossed, her hand glowing as she manipulated objects.

“I keep thinking I’m hallucinating or something. Magic is just...wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong with magic, you just don’t understand it.”

“And you do?”

“Well I can’t describe it to you if that’s what your wanting.”

“Could you just please use your hands for now?”

“Very well.” she hopped off the crate and began to move things. She only picked up smaller objects, due to her lack of muscle, but what she couldn’t pick up, I did. I sat down to take a break and noticed Luna kept working even though she looked extremely tired, sweating profusely and her wings hanging limp.

“Take a short break. No need to overexert yourself.” I said. Without a word she sat down next to me and breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know, you don’t need to do any work if you don’t want to. I can get this done on my own. I’ve done it before.”

“Why don’t the others help?” she asked me.

“Well mostly because I don’t let them,” I said laughing.

“Why not?”

“Because if I left it up to them all this would be thrown in half assed without a second thought, and then Blade wouldn’t do much at all anyhow. You see I’m the organized one. If there’s something that needs organizing I’m the one to do it.”

“Well that doesn’t sound like any fun.” Luna said. Her wings got all sparkly before sinking into her back and leaving tattoos of, well, her wings in her wings’ place. My train of thought completely crashed at this point like it always does when I’m not doing anything productive and the act of magic wasn’t helping.

“Hello?” She said, getting up to heft some more supplies. I dazedly turned to her, snapping back sort of and going to work once more. She laughed a bit before dropping another armful of ordnance in the designated cargo area. Bangs jumped into the front. After a few more trips, Luna and I loaded it all into the train. I jumped in and pulled her on as well, sliding the door closed. Only a few candles that dotted the walls lit the area. I liked making sure none of the explosive stuff was doing its job, and Luna’s company made that at least twenty times more enjoyable.

Luna:

I laid down next to Fox in the part of the train that held what we had just loaded. One bad thing, though, is I still have a lot to learn of human culture, and was unaware that laying one’s self upon another is sensual, and not casual as it was on Equestria.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-” Fox said loudly, scooting out from under me so that I was next to him.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, a little hurt at his reaction.

“Umm... well... for humans laying on another like that is...” he stared at the ceiling trying to find the right words, I guess.

“I-It’s well. Sexual.” he finally said bluntly.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry! In Equestria it isn’t like that!” I said sincerely.

“It’s alright. I sort of overreacted anyway. I should have realised you didn’t mean it that way.” he replied. I was so confused suddenly he was the one who was sorry for something I did.

“It’s alright I still have much to learn about human culture.” he gave a laugh at my words and smiled.

“You have no idea.”

“What do you mean?”

“Humans aren’t all part of the same culture. What I think is normal might be insane to someone else.”

“Oh. Well why do they do that?”

“Human nature.” he said with a grim expression.

“What’s so bad about human nature?”

“It is at its very core...evil. Some might say otherwise but I’ve seen enough evil in the world to know the truth.”

“Well you and the others don’t seem evil.”

“I told you once before. All is not as it seems in this world. Not even us. Given the most desperate of situations ninety nine times out of a hundred a human will sacrifice everything to protect themselves.”

“Everything?” I asked wondering if coming to this planet was a smart decision.

“Everything.”

“What about the one time they don’t?”

“They end up sacrificing himself for something they love or an idea they believe in. It isn’t an uncommon occurrence for people to die for their own so called ‘freedom.’”

“And what about you? What is your freedom?”

“My freedom? My freedom will be granted to me when I finally destroy the ones who ruined my life.” he said hate filling his voice.

“Who ruined your life and how?” I asked my curiosity aroused.

“I don’t know their names, but they killed my parents when I was very young.” I was speechless I had no idea he had such brooding kept under wraps. Suddenly his countenance changed from one of hate to happy.

“But that is a long time coming and thinking about it now will bring me to ruin.” Now I was really really confused only a moment ago he had been full of hate and now he was happy. I really need to learn more about humans before I get lost in the confusion of their ways.

Fox:

Get a hold of yourself! I thought I had almost let my anger get the best of me. If I went berserk now no one would forgive me. I tried to relax as best I could and it seemed Luna was doing the same trying to figure out what the most comfortable way to lay down is in her new body. I wish she knew what she had gotten herself into when she and the other ponies had become human. I wish I could tell her but every time I see the innocence in her eyes I can’t bring myself to do it. I hoped that if she planned to stay here permanently that she would never have to see the atrocities of mankind. I fell asleep forgetting I was in a magical flying train.

I woke up a few hours later to find Luna once again laying on me. I didn’t mind now that I was aware it wasn’t anything of that nature. I closed my eyes once again enjoying the warmth of her body. It was like a blanket, then I realised she had unfolded her wings into a feathery blanket around herself. It must be cold where ever we are. I thought as I fell back to sleep in the warmth of her wings. I could get used to this.

Bangarang:

Space. Is. Fucking. COLD. Like HOLY CRAP. I swear, I’ve climbed mountains of ice that would be similar to the sun in this temperature. Especially in the cockpit. Or... Engine? I don’t drive trains, so I don’t care. All I know is that I was supposed to fly the magical space train up to orbit. I guess it has machines that can convert CO2 to O2, so as far as air goes, we’re even better off than on the surface. He don’t have much ordinance that would work up here, but we could easily tie together about 50 pounds of C4 and drop it on the zombies, but even still, detonating it would be a nightmare. So we either had to chill (a little too literally) up in space, or blow the fuck out of some zombie shit on the surface. I like space better so far. Except for cold. I mean seriously!

“Mind if I s-sit w-with y-y-y-you?” Pinkie poked her head in the door and asked. She was shivering.

“N-not at all.” I said, motioning to my lap. She sat down and immediately wrapped her arms around my neck. She was rather warm. After sitting rather still for about fifteen minutes, she ran off. I didn’t question her. Pinkie is Pinkie. There is no other way to describe her. She came rushing back with what appeared to be a wool blanket after a few minutes. She leaped onto me and wrapped the blanket around the both of us.

“Erm...” I began, silenced by Pinkie covering my mouth.

“I know this probably looks weird, but I don’t care.” She said. I smiled. My neglect of the controls, however, lead to the ship re-entering the atmosphere. I only noticed because the ocean was looking a lot larger than it should have. Pinkie screamed and I grabbed hold of the side lever that controls the air-brake. I quickly flipped that lever and then spun the wheel that controlled yaw, which brought the train sideways. I took this opportunity to rotate the train upward and then right-side up. I released the brake and hit the things that looked like afterburners but ran off of magic instead. The immediate thrust was overwhelming, but another quick lever push and the shock absorbency in each car was activated. I ran down the short hall to another lever that would compensate for any g-forces that would exceed the ability for humans to survive, and then one that would intake as much oxygen as possible while it was still available. I then pressed a button to make sure it stayed on course. I am SO GLAD that Twi explained these things to me.

Fluttershy:

I don’t like flying by myself with wings, let alone in a train being driven by someone else. Mostly because Bangy was driving crazy. I mean, I don’t mean to insult him, but flying sideways seems a bit irrational, and then speeding up a LOT for no reason is also an odd choice to make. It got cold again, which I guess means we’re back in orbit. Bangarang is a crazy name, and he’s a crazy person. I don’t really like being a human, or following crazy humans. I only tagged along because my friends came here. I never intended to change like this. At least the fillie- erm... girls were enjoying themselves.

“What’s got ya down, Shy?” Applejack asked. I looked at my feet.

“I’m a human.” I said. I guess it was obvious that I was sad.

“Now, Shy, I don’t know if anypon- anyone can do anything about that.” She said. I had a realisation.

“Maybe Luna can undo it for just me!” I said excitedly. I got up to go find her. I found her and Fox doing what looked like unspeakable things.

“Oh...” I said quietly. Luna looked up.

“Yes?” She asked, rolling over on Fox. I couldn’t help but grimace a bit.

“I’ll let you two finish.” I whispered. They both laughed.

“Finish what?” Fox asked.

“Uh... Aren’t you two... you know... uh... eep~!” I muttered. They laughed even harder.

“No, no, not yet.” Luna said. Fox’s eyebrow went up, but she stopped him from talking.

“Can you turn me back into a pony?” I asked after a little bit of silence.

“Of course,” she said, standing up and gathering a pink ball of light in her hand. She pushed it in my direction and immediately passed out. When it hit me, I was back in my normal body.

“LUNA!” Fox shouted, jumping up and running to her side. She was really pale and she wasn’t breathing very loudly. Her eyes were half open.

Luna:

I could have sworn that I could use magic still... but I guess I’m just not as good as I should be at it. I don’t know what went wrong! The cast went perfectly! I just used all the energy I had... But I have a feeling that it’s because I’m not a being built for magic anymore. When everything started spinning, I should have stopped. I heard Fox shout my name before my consciousness slipped away. I occasionally blinked back into reality every so often. Normally I saw Fox’s concerned face.

Twilight:

After some thorough studying of Luna’s condition, it appears that humans have negative reactions to magic. I had to be careful in my studying of her, as the only spells I could use could just as easily make me pass out as well. But from what I could see, magic causes internal burns on the heart, muscles, and frontal lobe. The books on anatomy that Blade gave me were very informative. But the only way to treat internal burns is to keep the patient hydrated and in a cool place, and even still, they can’t be active for a few days. Thankfully, Luna woke up about six hours after her... episode. Fox immediately sighed and embraced her.

“Please don’t use magic anymore.” He said. She sighed and nodded.

“Princess, it would be bad for your health if you tried something like that again. Listen to Fox. He knows more about the limits of humans than I do, and I think that if you want to survive like we all are, then he’s your best bet.” She nodded. I nodded to Fox and walked off.

Fox:

“You won’t be able to take another blow like that. I think it would be best if you stuck to spells that either use very little magic or don’t last that long.” I said concernedly. I sat on the edge of Luna’s bed, she was still worn out from the magic usage earlier and still can’t move about without getting lightheaded. She sat in thought for a few moments.

“I could just use fire and lightning spells. How damaging is lightning to humans?” She asked. I laughed a bit.

“It can sometimes make their hearts explode.” I said. Her eyes widened.

“And fire just leaves some burns?” She asked. I nodded. Again, she sat thinking.

“What can stop burning?” She asked. This time, I sat in thought.

“We could probably scrounge up some fire retardant clothing for you.” I said. She smiled, and laid back onto the pillow.

“Thanks... Hey, um, could you stay here tonight?” She asked, her eyes moistening. I swear, it was like my heart melted. I smiled.

“Of course, my princess.” I said. I moved a chair over to the bedside and sat down. She smiled and closed her eyes. It took me a while, but I eventually fell into a pleasant slumber.

Boomer:

Due to the random change in temperature, either Bangs found a heater or we’re about to land. A quick glance out the window told me that we were still in space, meaning this train had a heater all along. This meant that Rarity would get out from under that blanket, which meant that she was going to be hanging around me more, which meant that I’d suddenly have a LOT less free time. Which was a correct assumption almost immediately.

“Mind if I tag along with you?” She asked. I shrugged.

“Go ahead. You already know, by now, I don’t mind anything you do.” I replied.

“Oh really? So if I were to remove my clothing to go wash it, you wouldn’t mind?” She said. I turned to look at her.

“Where are you going to wash them?” I asked. The only location of running water was the latrine and a sink, both of which are fairly disgusting.

“I’m going to clean the sink and wash them there.” She said, already removing her clothing. She dragged me along to cover her and pulled me into the restroom with her.

“Hold that door closed.” She said. I swear, it was hard trying not to stare. Holy fuck. Oh god. No little boom. Not right now.

Bangarang:

After a bunch of shouting from outside the door then silence, I decided to stretch my legs a bit. Pinkie was at my side, as always. She did bring a certain air of... sheer joy to a room. Or, rather, hallway in this case. With my black and white hoodie draped over her shoulders and my hand in hers, we took a stroll to the caboose. Fox and Luna were present.

“Did you guys hear shouting too?” Pinkie asked, seating herself with her back to the wall opposite of the other couple. I sat myself when Luna spoke;

“Yes, we did. That’s why we’re staying in here.” I gave a bit of a laugh. Fox chuckled to himself.

“Y’know, I think things are going nicely on this train otherwise.” He said rather happily. Pinkie laid her head on my shoulder. I grasped her hand and spoke up;

“Yeah, things are going nicely.” Luna adjusted herself to be on Fox’s lap.

“So how are things with you two?” Luna asked. Pinkie giggled.

“Great! I love my Bangy.” Pinkie answered quickly, scrunching up her nose and smiling. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

“And I love my Pinkie. What about you two?” I pondered the question, and my answer, for that matter. Do I? I mean, I wouldn’t be sitting in the fashion I am now if I didn’t. I think. No, I know.

“Perfectly fine. I’m still recovering, but having this guy,” Luna hugged him, “Has made it bearable.” Fox nodded.

“You are my princess, after all.” He said. Snuggling ensued between them. Pinkie slid down the wall so she was laying down, pulling me with her. She fell asleep, still gently clasping my hand with hers. I pulled a blanket that was folded behind her over her and myself, falling asleep as well.

When I woke up, Fox and Luna were gone. I looked outside, and it was still dark. Wait, fuck, we’re in space... Ah, well, it was dark anyways. Pinkie was still asleep, so I decided to continue laying there. I swear, it feels like I’m married. I’m not complaining at all, but all the same...

“Good mor-” Pinkie sat up and looked out the window, “Evening.” She said, yawning and stretching her arms out. I sat up and gave her a long hug.

“What’s the hug for?” She almost sounded confused.

“For being there.” I said. When I pulled away, She was smiling wide, as she often does.

“I’ll go make breakfast!” She said, hopping up and hurrying to the dining car. I laughed.

“This really does feel like being married.”

“What?” I heard Fluttershy ask. I guess she had been in the opposite corner of the room.

“It feels kind of like Pinkie is my very, very, VERY special somepony. Like, for life. Y’know?”

“Like a mate?” She asked quietly. I nodded.

“I suppose, yeah.” I replied. She nodded.

“Well, I really hope that works out for you. You really make her happy.” She said.

“She makes me happy too.” I said, standing up. I made my way to a table in the dining car. Pinkie joined me after a few minutes.

“May I?” Twilight asked, having entered the premises at this time. I nodded.

“So are you two mated?” She asked rather quickly. I looked to Pinkie.

“I think we are. Do you think we are?” Pinkie said, looking to me. I laughed.

“Yes, yes I do.” And with that, Twilight slammed a fist on the table and stormed off. I’m not sure what that was about.

Twilight:

Why does it feel like all the humans are paired up but me!? I know Applejack hasn’t either, but still. Rainbow keeps following around Blade, Rarity keeps pursuing Boomer, even though he seems to be uninterested, almost disgusted even. Pinkie and Bangy are mated or whatever humans call it. Fox and Luna keep acting like they’re mated too.  Maybe it’s because I like Blades too much, I don’t know.

Fox:

Luna and I went walking through the train carts and she showed me how everything works. Of course ninety percent of it was, “the magic makes it do, so and so.” So half the time I just nodded and let her talk. Eventually we got to the caboose and stared out the back window into to space with the earth ever present beneath us. After a few minutes of enjoying the view she put her hand on mine and I closed mine around her small fingers. I started to head back since it was almost dinner time but I stopped when she didn’t move.

“Aren’t you-” my words were cut off by her mouth pressing on mine. I was stunned, but after a brief second I returned the kiss. After a moment we separated.

“I love you.” she said, my heart skipped a beat then proceeded to explode.

“I love you too.” I said.

Luna:

I must be the happiest pon- person! On earth right now! Or above it? It doesn’t matter! I can’t believe I just kissed him! And he said he loves me! I had never had a relationship with anyone like this before.

“Lets go get something to eat,” I said after a minute of just looking into his eyes just looking at him, made me feel safe. He nodded and offered his arm in a very gentlemanly manner, and I took it. We walked back to the dinning cart and ate some apples together. Not very romantic, I suppose, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Twilight:

“Blades, am I... smart, pretty, funny...?” I asked him. Boomer said that a lot of guys look for those three qualities in girls on Earth.

“Yeah.” He replied lazily, as always.

“Then why the buck don’t you like me?” I said a bit loudly. He looked at me and laughed, a smirk visible.

“Is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he asked. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Well, with Pinkie and Bangy... and Luna and Fox... and Boomer and Rarity, sort of, not really... I feel really lonely.” I tried explaining.

“Are you coming onto me?” Blade oh-so-truthfully replied.

“Wha- NO! UGH.” I left in a huff. I bumped into Rainbow Dash, and immediately changed my mind. I wasn’t letting her be alone with Blade.

“I BLAME YOU.” I sort of announced loudly. She laughed and walked into the room with Blade. I followed, mostly to see what they acted like.

Blade:

“Hey Blade.” Rainbow Dash said, being closely followed by Twilight. The two girls approached me. My brain began functioning slowly as I watched their movements. They both sat on either side of me, and then it hit me. They BOTH want my balls. This could be fun, or I could be fucked.

“So, girls, how are you both?” I asked, my bored tone not giving away anything.

“I’m fine.” Twilight replied.

“Excellent.” Rainbow Dash was cocky as ever.

“That’s great. Say, do you happen to like anyone on the train?” I asked to no one in particular. The sparks started flying.

“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash answered plainly, at first.

“You, of course.” Twilight sounded very... yeah...

“Yeah, you, the strongest guy on the train.” Rainbow Dash said firmly.

“And the smartest and most handsome.” Twilight glared at her rainbow-themed comrade.

“AND THE ALL AROUND BEST.” Rainbow Dash yelled.

“I’m flattered.” I said coolly.

“Of course.” Twilight said, resting her head on my shoulder.

“Yeah, you’re welcome, even though totally I flattered you more.” Rainbow Dash quipped. She also rested her head on my shoulder. I put my arms around the both of them and grinned to myself. This was worth not being lazy. I need a purple hat. And a purple suit. And a gold encrusted, ivory cane. And a limo. And a fur cape. A PURPLE, fur cape, with leopard print. Twilight and Rainbow Dash kept randomly shooting glares at each other, and it was incredibly hard not to laugh.

“So, what are you doing later?” I asked, again to no one.

“Nothing. Why do you ask?” They answered in unison.

“No reason.” I said, standing up and walking away, leaving them to talk. I heard the yells down the hall.

Boomer:

Balls balls balls balls balls! “No, just no! You don’t just go and ask a man whether he would fuck you or not!” Twilight was most likely the most stupid person I’ve ever met.

“But that’s not what I asked him. I asked him whether he liked me or not.”

“No. From what I‘m hearing, you went up to him asked if you had attractive features. And then yelled at him for not liking you. In man language that’s ‘Why won't you fuck me’  Please note that this is not socially acceptable, and I will kick you out into the open void of space.”

“What is it with you and being socially acceptable?” Stupid pony.

“If you do not do it right, you will not do it all. Or anything else for that manner. Do you know how cold it is outside? If you don’t fix your actions, I will ask you to tell me. Are we clear?”

“Why are you so mean?”

“Why are all chicks bitchy?”

“Why are all humans stupid?”

“Because we know how to get what we want. And what I want right now is for you to leave. And I have more ways of getting what I want than just asking. When you came here, all I received was a tumor on my leg, a headache, and six more lives to watch over. Despite all of the amazing things you love about Blade, he’s lazy. He doesn’t give a flying fuck about anything. If he doesn’t feel like it, he won't help you, he won't pleasure you, and he won’t save you. Out— you made me digress from my original point.” Twilight looked heartbroken. Mission success, back to base soldiers.

“Is... is that true?” She looked up at me solemnly. A tear looked as if it were forming in her eye. Fuck true love. If I didn't think it existed I would boot her ass out the window. I sighed.

“No. No, not all of it. He would help you if you needed it. He is a nice guy. Maybe I’m just mad because I’m worried. Somehow, you Equestrians have worked your way into my subconscious and made me want to look out for you. I don’t want to look out for you. That’s more damn trouble for me. But you innocent little beings somehow struck a chord and made me feel responsible. Just... just...” I don’t always ramble, but when I do, I end up deciding against my original point. “Be careful. Just try not to make yourself look bad.” I stepped out of my own room and was instantly greeted by another female. Rainbow Dash.

“Hey Boomer. Could you tell the egg head...” I cut her off.

“If you ask me to turn around and tell the heartbroken person behind me to fuck off, I swear to god I’ll cave your head in with my boot. Tell her yourself.” I stepped to the side. “If I catch wind that you two were anything less than civilized in this conversation, I will serve both of you as dinner. Duck a L’orange and Scrambled Egghead.” Both of them nodded and I left towards the kitchen. I need a damn apple.

Rainbow Dash:

“So Twilight...” I started. “Maybe you could like, you know, just back off a little. I mean me and Blade would be an awesome couple. You just seem like you would be too boring for him.” She didn’t move. “So are we good?” She stepped forward and I tensed up. She seemed almost like, hostile or something.

“No, Rainbow Dash, we are not good. Because Boomer wants me to be nice during this, I will. Your intellect would be no match for the power he has stored in his head. Every time he would strike up conversation about something more stimulating than flying around the room “faster” than everybody else, you would be lost. You think I would get boring? With you he would have no one to talk to, no one to rely on.”

“He doesn’t need people like that! He needs awesome people! People like me. I’m sure he’s almost as good at me in some stuff. We could talk about that instead of...” The little bitch cut me off.

“Awwwww horseapples! You honestly think that you’re better than him?”

“Well ye...” She did it again!

“Boy are you dumb! Blade is twice the person you will ever be. Because not only is he cooler than you, but he’s smarter too!”

“So is he smarter than you then? And quit cutting me off you dumb bookworm!” Twilight and I were beginning to yell at each other when a meat cleaver came flying through the open door, sticking into the frame of Boomer’s bed. Boomer stepped back into his room with a cook book in hand.

“Duck a L’orange,” he pointed at me with a silvery knife. “Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 475°F. Stir together salt, coriander, cumin, and pepper. Pat duck dry and sprinkle inside and out with spice mixture. Cut ½ of orange into quarters and put in duck cavity with thyme, marjoram, parsley, and 4 onion wedges. Squeeze juice from remaining half of orange and stir together with wine and stock. Set aside. Spread remaining 4 onion wedges in roasting pan with carrot and celery, then place duck on top of vegetables and roast 30 minutes. Pour wine mixture into roasting pan and reduce oven temperature to 350°F. Continue to roast duck until thermometer inserted into a thigh registers 170°F, 1 to 1 ¼ hours more. Turn on broiler and broil duck 3 to 4 inches from heat until top is golden brown, about 3 minutes. Tilt duck to drain juices from cavity into pan and transfer duck to a cutting board, reserving juices in pan. Let duck stand 15 minutes.” I sank to the floor. He was serious.

“You’re insane! Get away from me!” I tried running out the door but Boomer stopped me. The back of his knife slammed into the door, closing it with a loud bang. He shoved the tip though the wood at an angle and pinned it to the frame. I shrunk back from him.

“Scrambled eggs,” He pointed his finger at Twilight. I saw the look on her face and knew that she was just as scared as me. No, she was more scared. I’m too awesome to get scared. I stopped cowering and stood up straight. Until he began reading again. “Break open four to six shells and pour the contents into a mixing bowl.” He walked over and tapped Twilight’s head lightly with his finger. She cringed at every touch. “Pour your choice of ¼ cup milk or ½ cup water into the mixing bowl. Stir thoroughly.” He shook around Twilight’s hair. She shied away and tried to get as far away from as she could, but he just followed at a slow pace. “Once contents are fully mixed, pour the batter into hot pan. Stir occasionally until eggs are bouncy and light.” Twilight was now right next to me, leaning up against my side as much as she could to get away from the crazy ass person in the room with us right now. He closed the book with a thud and walked over to the door. Twilight still didn’t let off of me though. He wrenched out the knife with his free hand and dropped it on the floor. His door swung open and the light of the hallways was visible.

“Before you go and tell everyone that I threatened to cook you, look at yourselves.” We both looked at the other and then back to him. “You already cuddle together. So why not share Blade? Besides, neither of you alone stand a chance. He will step all over both of you.” With that he left. We followed shortly after, me first of course.

Fox:

Luna and I sat in the recreational room just enjoying each others company as always when we heard a loud bang. I let out a long sigh. Boomer was one of his, “you’re doing it so wrong it should be illegal and punishable by death,” moods. What ever had set him off probably had something to do with Blade. Blade had a habit of setting him off like that, whether it was actually his fault or not. A certain air of ‘rule breaking’ seemed to float over Blade, he even made his own rules sometimes and it drove Boomer nuts. Luna shifted in my arms.

“What was that noise?” she asked worriedly.

“Just a broken rule.” I said

“What do you mean?”

“Someone went and goofed so hard that Boomer is probably threatening to throw them out the window as we speak.” I said holding her closer trying to be as comforting as possible.

“He won't actually do it though, will he?” she looked hopeful.

“Weeell, depending on what his threat actually is and if he appears serious enough presenting the threat... No. But if the person being threatened was feeling like rebelling for no reason. Then yes.” I said summarizing it all for her. She tried to scoot closer to me in spite of already almost sitting on top of me. I hugged her tighter.

“We aren’t breaking any rules right?” she asked her eyes becoming more sparkly than normal. I guessed she was about to cry.

“Absolutely not.” I said with a firm certainty.

“What if we did and Boomer threatens us-”

“Me.” I said cutting her off knowing where her train of thought was. “He would threaten me.”

“Why not me?” she asked.

“Because if he does no force on earth, in heaven, or this universe would stop me from making sure he never did it again.” I growled feeling my inner rage boiling up. I let out a venting sigh to dissipate my anger. “I’m sorry, I tend to get carried away with...unpleasant thoughts.” I said while simultaneously berating myself for letting it go that far. Idiot! Control. Keep control. You can’t act out while Luna is here.

“I-It’s alright. I think.” she shivered, I silently cursed myself for making her uncomfortable for the sake of my own vent.

Luna:

Even with Fox holding me in his strong arms I couldn’t help but be scared. From what it sounded like Boomer was a freak about rules and would actually kill people who broke them. And Fox has this...anger inside of him. I still don’t know enough about him.

“Fox?” I asked.

“Yes my princess?” he asked in a gentle voice. I felt my cheeks flush at the last word.

“What is your real name?” he shifted uncomfortably.

“I-I told you I ca-” he started.

“We are in space.” I said exasperated that something so simple as a name was hard to get out of him. “There is no one here who would harm you because of your name.”

“Very well you have me beat there. My real name i-” he stopped as we heard stomping in the hall. Almost in a blur he set me behind him and set his foot to the door just as it was kicked in by Boomer sending splinters into the room. Fox scowled.

“Who got you all riled up?” Fox demanded

“I think I’ll be asking the questions here!” Boomer exclaimed.

“I think you need to lie down.”

“It’s fucking Rainbow and Twilight! They keep fighting over Blade and it is driving me insane!”

“Just calm down,” said Fox putting a hand on Boomers shoulder.

“Easy for you to say.” replied Boomer shrugging off the hand.

“Look bro-”

“Don’t call me bro!”

“Alright, just come with me we can sit down, eat some apples, and you can tell me all about it. In the dining car.” said Fox in a friendly tone.

“Why would we have to go all the way to-” he paused and noticed me sitting in the corner shaking. He grimaced

“Aye, that would be best.” he said exiting the room. Fox turned around picked me up in his arms and gave me a hug with a short kiss.

“Maybe you should go hang out with Twi and Rainbow. Hopefully your good sense can rub off on them.” he said with a smile. He then walked out the door and followed his friend.

I was still shaky when I found Twilight and Rainbow.

Twilight:

Rainbow Dash and I sat contemplating the harsh rebuke that Boomer had given us a few minutes before when the princess walked in looking a bit shaken.

“Princess what’s the matter?” asked Rainbow before I could open my mouth to ask the same.

“W-well that man Boomer. He scares me.” she said sitting down with us in Boomer’s own room.

“Yeah he threatened to cook us up!” I said.

“So that was it? Fox said he might have threatened to throw you out into space.” Luna said. I cringed

“He already made that threat to me.” I said solemnly.

“I guess Fox knows who he’s talking about.” said Dash.

“I guess so. I just wish I knew who Fox was.” said Luna.

“I would think you of anyone should know that.” I said.

“I don’t even know his real name! How am I supposed to know who he really is? He was just about to tell me when Boomer interrupted him by kicking in the door.” she said frustrated.

“Why don’t you ask Bangarang or Blade what his name is? Surely they know?” asked Rainbow.

“Fox told me no one alive knows his name.” said Luna.

“Now how is that possible?” I wondered.

“Maybe he has some way of erasing memories.” said Rainbow.

“I don’t see how they could without magic. And from what I can tell humans aren’t born with that ability.” I replied.

“No he just shoots them or stabs them or pushes them out of helicopters into the ocean.” Luna responded, cringing at what I think was a memory of a story.

Boomer:

“Well I’m sorry. You have my deepest condolences. I didn’t mean to scare your “princess” like that.” Fuck me. I hate apologizing. Apologizing means I did something wrong. People like me do not have room for error. We are supposed to be close to god. We must be perfect.

“Now I don’t blame you for being mad, but you should really try to cool it a little she’s still recovering and I don’t want something like that to cause any problems. Besides I think everyone on the train heard the results of your little cooking show and I think the ratings are in. People don’t like it.” My face frowned more than I thought it could. I was half expecting my cheeks to touch the table.

“And I’m supposed to finish the season how?” Dear god there is too much metaphor in my life. Please let it stop.

“Just make dinner that ISN’T made up of someone else and we can all sit down and relax.” Oh god I’m hungry.

“You want me to relax. I get it. But how am I supposed to do that when people don’t even understand what I’m mad about?”

“What are you mad about? I mean I have a pretty good guess, but I want to hear it from you.” How to put it into words that won't make him want to sock me in the face.

“That... sounds like the question of the year... I don’t really know.”

“Well first off, what exactly is the problem.” The list! It’s so long!

“I almost miss my white tumor because it got replaced with a stripper and a slut. Rainbow Dash and Twilight are unwilling to be lesbians and just have a threesome with Blade. I’m worried Blade is going to get a little cocky and turn into a pimp and start demanding shit around here. I’m also worried he’s going to try and take power because of being cocky. I’m disappointed with myself for even needing help from a friend. I want off this damn train and into a car so I can drive it down the highway going 120. I need just a little exhilaration and I think I’m trying to make some by causing problems. I think I also just solved my problems so thank you for the apple and the talk, but I’ll be off now to apologize to some people and begin making dinner.”

“Well brilliant I guess I’ll just...” I ran out the door and towards Twilight’s room, leaving poor Fox by himself. “Sit here... and talk to myself.”

I burst in through the door, feeling just a little better. To Rainbow Dash’s room! But before I could get anywhere I slammed into Blade. I rebounded off of what felt like metal and hit the floor. I gave a hand up to signify that I was okay and began standing up.

“You think me that low?” He asked quietly. I looked down at the floor.

“Um.. yeah. Yeah I do. Because I don’t really trust people. You know that.” I looked up to see hard eyes glaring at me dangerously.

“I will never take away your damn leadership. I don’t fucking want it. As for your little threesome comment, it doesn’t matter what they do. I don’t change.” I expected to get punched at this point, but the calm bastard respectfully walked around me like a good little subordinate. I sighed and began my trek to Rainbow’s room a little slower than last time. Her door was open just a crack.

“Rainbow? Are you alive? Did someone else get to you first?” I heard a shuffle.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it whatever it was!” She was frantic with worry. Whoops!

“Ha, no just calm down. I was just trying to make a joke. Uh can... Ahem, can I come in?” I gave a small smile in hopes that it would help. It seemed to work as she stuttered a bit before replying.

“Uh... yeah sure. Just don’t... don’t try and kill me.”

“I promise I wont harm you in any way shape or form.” For now.

“Ohhhkaaayyy.... So what do you need?” She asked. I stepped in, standing near the door.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have threatened you like that. I’m sorry for the threats too. I was rude and mean and frustrated. I will do better.” Oh please take it. Just forgive me. I already feel freaking terrible because of Blade.

“Alright. Were cool. I mean me more than you but you’re fine.” Herp de what?

“Alright thank you. I’ll see you at dinner.” She stiffened up a little. “Should be good seeing as it won't be as cannibalistic as my original plans.” With that I left. One more person, and it was going to be the hardest thing ever. Lord forgive me for what I am about to do. I walked slower than I ever had before to Rarity’s room. I suppose it was mine too but I barely spent time in there. Not like she did, with her constant grooming and such. I opened the door and went to the bathroom and saw her running a brush through her hair.

“Rarity I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for darling?” Oh you stupid bitch. You conniving whore! You dare to make me explain this predicament to your filthy stature? Well I suppose that’s fair...

“For being angry and insulting your choices in life and making a complete fool of myself for not appreciating your company as I should have.” The pain! No more explaining!

“Why?” I hate you. You deserve to be thrown into the pits of hell limb by limb. Someone should ruin your precious face with a lawnmower and make a sculpture out of the pieces.

“That’s pretty general. Can you narrow it down a little?” So I don’t have to tell you everything?

“Fine.” She put down her brush and looked at me. Sweet mother of Abraham Lincoln she is hot when she stands like that. “Why are you apologizing?” Easy! Thank you Rarity for making this so much easier.

“Because I feel terrible. I blew up at Rainbow and Twi and I’ve already said sorry to them. I got stressed and I did something wrong. Saying sorry is supposed to make that better. But I suppose it’s fine if it doesn’t. I’ll find another way to make it up to you.” Oh no. That was not a good thing to say. All flipping day. All flipping day I’ve been doing shit wrong.

“So you’ll do what I want to make me happy? Is that what you mean, Darling?” No no! That’s not what I mean. Balls.

“Yes I suppose that is what I said...”

“Well I forgive you. Just do one thing for me please?”

“Uh... yes?” Please let it be easy and nice and not sexual.

“I want you to stop being so squeamish when I take off my clothes. There’s nothing wrong with it and I do need to change every now and then.” Well two out of three isn’t bad.

“Okay. I’m fine with that.”

“I would also like you to please me tonight.” She smiled at me.

“Right... I... don’t think I can do that...”

“Oh I’m only kidding Darling. Lighten up a little please.” She came over and hugged me. It felt... nice. She was... cushy. Because boobs. She went back to the mirror and I went to go make dinner.

About two hours later, everyone gathered together to eat. Everyone was fairly silent at first before Blade (of all people) broke the silence.

“I like music.” He said simply. Almost instantly the room broke out into loud discussion of favorite bands, genres, artists. Blade kept eating, silent once again while I watched everyone talk. Fox seemed to be explaining metal to Luna, while Bangarang was dubstep dancing in his chair, entrancing Pinkie Pie. Suddenly she yelled.

“I have instruments! IN MY ROOM!” In a pink blur she was gone, and then came flying back just as fast, her back laden with instruments. The pile of music tools hit the ground, and sour notes resounded throughout the room. Everyone cringed at the noise but it faded away pretty soon.

“Umm... Pinkie where do you keep all these?” asked Bangarang.

“In the closet duh!” Pinkie said.

“Why have I not seen them before?”

“They were all the way in the back.”

“But the closet only goes back three feet.”

“There’s a door in the back.” she said plainly.

“Yo dawg..” Blade said quietly. Closetception. *cue sound for ception joke*

Bangarang:

I watched in amusement as Pinkie brought out a guitar, a bass guitar, a few drums, a pair of cymbals, a kazoo, a xylophone, and a trombone. Fox almost jumped onto the bass, picked it up, and began tuning. I did the same with the guitar. Boom grabbed a clothes hanger from a nearby closet and broke it into two ‘drumsticks’. Blade rolled his eyes and sang a quick scale, his normal monotone voice surprisingly flexible. The former ponies and Fluttershy sat in a semicircle around us. I couldn’t not laugh hysterically.

“So...” I said after finishing my outburst.

“What am I singing?” Blade asked in a slightly annoyed voice.

“Wellll. We have... Depressing music... Angry music... Pump up music...” Fox listed.

“Ask them.” Boomer said, twirling his makeshift drumsticks between his fingers. The ponies chatted amongst themselves for a bit. Then Luna spoke up.

“We don’t have any of that type of music in Equestria. Let us hear this.. ‘pump up’ music.”

Fox thought for a few moments.

“.. Indestructible by Disturbed?” He asked. Blade groaned. Effort. Fox started up the bass, expert fingers plucking a the strings

“http://www.metrolyrics.com/indestructible-lyrics-disturbed.html”

“Yay!” Fluttershy said when we had finished. The others began clapping.

“Absolutely fabulous, dahling.” Rarity chimed to Boomer. Luna walked up to Fox and sat on his lap, moving the bass and letting it fall on the floor.

“That was great.” She said.

“You just dropped the bass.” Fox said, giving a little chuckle. I also began to laugh when I got tackled by Pinkie.

“Thank you for making everyone and pony happy.” She said, smashing her face into mine.

“No problem, hon’.” I replied. She blushed at the nickname (for whatever reason), and rolled off of me. The guitar groaned, but was mostly undamaged. Fucking Pinkie physics. I don’t even. I let the guitar strap slide from my shoulder and pulled myself out from under the instrument, only to be rapidly tugged in some direction by my pink haired lady-friend. When I wasn’t being tugged anymore, I was up against a wall.

“Oh god... Not sex... Not right now...” I said quickly. She laughed.

“No, silly. I just wanted alone time.” She giggled.

“Are you absolutely sure that doesn’t mean sexy times? Because I have a raging boner that it would be a shame to waste.” Her expression was priceless. “I’m only kidding.”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my gosh...” She sighed in relief. I laughed, only to be stopped by her hand on my mouth.

“Not so loud.”

“Are you going to rape me instead?” I whispered.

“What!? No!” She whisper shouted. She pulled me down to a sitting position and straddled my lap, facing me.

“Are you fucking sure? Jesus Christ!” I said. She scooted forward slowly and rubbed a hand down my chest. “Whaderp derp Derp DERP FUCK WHAT.” I whisper shouted. She began giggling very sensually.

“Just kidding.” She laid her chin on my shoulder. I stared off into the distance. The fuck just happened. She fell asleep after a few minutes. Fluttershy was on her way into the engine and passed us. Seeing a heavily breathing Pinkie that pretty much looked like she had a penis in her vagina, and a thoroughly red-faced me, she undoubtedly had the wrong idea.

“She’s asleep, not actively getting boned.” I said plainly. Fluttershy sighed.

“Good. I don’t want to know THAT much about humans.” She said, hurrying into the piloting-controls area or whatever it’s called. I laughed, which woke Pinkie.

“What happened?” She said, rubbing her eye.

“A whole lot of almost.” I said, sliding her off of my legs and standing. She stood next to me as I re-entered the area where most everyone was still gathered. Blade broke out into laughter.

“We agreed to do that AFTER the zombies were all gone, I thought.” He said. I laughed.

“Not gonna say that I wasn’t opposed to that maybe happening, but it didn’t.” Pinkie’s face was flushed. “Now I’m gonna hit the hay.”

“You mean sleep, and not reflect on what just happened, right?” Pinkie asked. I stared kind of confused. “Uh...” She eyed everyone nervously, then whispered in my ear, “You aren’t gonna imagine anything, are you?” I fell over laughing.

“I stopped doing THAT at... Well, I never did it.” I said. She sighed.

“Good.”

Boomer:

Blade went off in one direction with Rainbow Dash and Twilight, Bang with Pinkie in another, Applejack to her room, and I don’t even know where Fluttershy went. Rarity stayed in the room with me. She walked over calmly and sat down next to me. I was grateful that she didn’t sit on me.

“Boomer, make mad love to me.”

“No. Not yet anyways. We should probably wait until we get down on Earth and I kill the re-animations of my entire race. Then we can make sweet love in the pools and fountains of blood from my fallen enemies. How’s that sound?” She made a gagging sound, and doubled over a bit.

“Dear Celestia, you know I was joking, right?” Yes, yes I did.

“Yes, yes I did. And even though you are the sexiest human female I’ve ever seen, we should still probably wait on that.”

“Sexier than Applejack?” I nodded. “Twilight?” Once again I dipped my head. “Everybody else on the ship?”

“Well... I dunno... Bangs is pretty damn hot...” I looked over at her with a serious face. She could see right through it and began laughing. It sounded nice. About as nice as the ringing of a giant gold bell.

“You really should be like this more often. I like you when you’re like this.”

“Well, how about when I’m like this?” I turned and tackled her, bringing her to the floor. I laid there above her for a moment or two before she spoke.

“No. Not like that. That’s just a bit too rough for my tastes. Besides you should really let me be on top.”

“Fine.” I rolled over and brought her along with me. Instead of poising herself above me, she stayed on my chest and nuzzled her head on top of my shoulder and into my neck. I’m not going to lie, it felt really nice to cuddle with someone. Right until I saw a familiar pink mane.

“Uh dah... Fluttershy it isn’t what it looks like. We’re just... cuddling.... I guess.”  I stuttered painfully on every word. She just nodded and walked backwards out the doorway, watching me every step. Creepy.

“Should we move?” Rarity asked quietly in my ear.

“Maybe to the bed, or at least to the room. Just for comfort’s sake. Nothing else.” She snuggled back into my neck and I shifted her over to the side. My forearm bent her knees and I wrapped my other arm around her back. I sat up and put my legs underneath me. Once we made it to the bedroom and laid back down, it was bliss. Even though I’m sure a few intimate things would have been better, I still enjoyed it. “So this is what it’s like...” I thought to myself.

Rarity:

I rather enjoy Boomer when he isn’t telling me to put my clothes back on or accusing me of being excessively attractive. Laying on top of him without intending to participate in intercourse with him is also nice. I couldn’t help but wrap my arms about his shoulders. He was being sweet, and I really like that from a man.

“Boomer?” I tried to not sound so... fabulous. I wanted to express emotion. (I also had to bite back the urge to call him boner.)

“Yes?” He looked at me.

“I love you.” I said. It felt like my insides started fluttering about. I never thought I’d say that to anyone that wasn’t royal. But he was king of this world, in a way. I just hope he feels the same.

“Well, you’re pretty decent yourself. Forgive me if that isn’t the response you wanted, but you really are the the first girl I’ve ever done stuff like this with.” I suppose that’s a start. I sighed softly and squeezed in closer.

“That’s perfectly fine.” I said, closing my eyes. I think I dozed off, still atop him. I hope he doesn’t mind

Blade:

When I started off to my room, I was closely followed by both Rainbow Dash and Twilight. I stopped abruptly at my door and turned around, facing my two personal stalkers.

“Only one of you can come in.” I said testily. They immediately glared at one another. Then at me. I began to suspect I miscalculated. Rainbow Dash grabbed my shirt and pulled me down, and Twilight jumped onto my back, forcing me to the ground, face down. No point resisting now. Rainbow Dash forcefully flipped me over and straddled my torso, Twilight straddled my legs. I rolled my eyes, catching a glimpse of a yellow pony. Twilight immediately jumped off, followed soon by Rainbow Dash.  They both grabbed my collar and pulled me back to the main room, and proceeded to fight over my lap. Fluttershy just stared awkwardly. Eventually both the ladies moved me around enough for them to both be under one arm and on one leg each. Enough of this shit. With annoyance, I threw them both off me, and then stood up to prevent them from tackling me again. I shot my own glare at them, and they shrank back a bit.

“Hello ladies... Look at yourselves, now back at me. Now look at each other, and back to me. The way things are looking now, I’m going to have to say that you’ll have to share me. Now if you two could learn to get along, I could be the man of both of your dreams. Look down, back up. Look at me. I know what you’re thinking, and I like you both. So let’s just get along?” The two looked at each other, then me, then each other, and repeated this a few times.

“That’s fine with me.” Twilight said. Rainbow Dash just nodded. I nodded as well.

“Good.” I said, sitting down briefly. God I hate moving. Bang and Pinkie interrupted my resting, which was incredibly annoying. They left for their room rather quickly, thankfully.

Fluttershy:

I looked at the fuel gauge. The train does run off of magic, which does run out. Which is what it was just about to do. I had to run off to find Bangy, but really couldn’t do anything about it when the train took a nosedive at the planet. Bangy was almost at the door when he flew toward the back of the train quickly. I could stay there if I flapped my wings hard enough, but it was still hard. When I finally flew back, everyone was armed and ready to land. I was nervous. I hated the fighting, so I was probably going to stay in the train when it hit the ground. Which it did right after I thought that. Not three seconds had passed than everyone was out of the car with their guns blazing. I’m just going to hide. I’m not useful out there.

Bangarang:

Why were there more muzzle flashes out there than our own? WHY? We’re supposed to be the only ones left. Where the hell even were we? It sounded like the natives were shouting in English. Like... England English.

“OY! You there! By the chip stand!” I shouted, sprinting to the person.

“Were you in that train?” The person asked, popping another slug round into a zombie. i climbed onto the stand and quickly cleared a path for my comrades to join us.

“Holy shit, how many of you are there?” the guy asked, looking over the group. Blade reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out something, tossing it behind him as everyone stuffed themselves into the confined area. There was a bright explosion, before Boomer spoke up.

“Too many.” Boomer answered dully, removing about five zombies ahead of us. We were going to tell Flutter to fly the train on top of a close strip mall, and were were going to make a break for said building and clear it out. Fox ran back to tell Flutter, Luna flying overhead to give him guidance and cover. She could use fire burst spells, but nothing more at the moment. We’ll have to give her aloe later. Anyways, the new guy had a drum-clip AA-12 with what looked like slug rounds. I’m just going to call it the derp gun. He cleared a small path to the biggest door of the mall.

Boomer:

“Yours. Mine.” I took the derp gun from the new kid and gave him my SPAS-12. He looked a bit upset, but who gives a fuck. I beat the closest one in the head and stepped over it. “Follow close. Step on the parts that can hurt you. Watch the back.” Everyone grouped up as fast as they could and I began to lead us to the building. I kicked the last bloody beast and broke open the door. The ghoul tried to get up but I just put the barrel to its head and shot it until it died.

“Inside. Quickly.” I pulled out my pistol and shoved it in the handles of the door once everyone was inside. “Two for each floor. I’m heading to the roof to meet Luna and Fluttershy. Lets go.” Everyone ran off. I booted the elevator doors, that bent and opened enough for me to get a hand in and wrench it open. Just as I thought, it was a waste of time. The elevator was out of order and underground. To the stairs!

Bangarang:

I just took off for the top floor. I was forced to punch most of the way, but still could keep running. Sniper rifles can shoot stuff from two inches, but I don’t want zombie blood anywhere on my face. When I got to the top floor, I couldn’t help but shout excitedly when I saw a sporting goods store. A compound bow with a large satchel of stainless-steel tipped arrows was my first choice, followed by a simple hunting rifle. I can easily shoot three arrows simultaneously and accurately, but that still left me to whipping out the gun to take one or two out quickly. Rainbow Dash was sprinting around with a machete. She looked freaking bad ass. Blade is a lucky asshole. I must say, though, I got pissed when a bullet flew by MY head. I looked across the way

to find, surely enough, some brunette fucker that was asking to get his face removed. I quick whip of the rifle and a trigger pull, and the dick-head died. Looks like we’re gonna have to fight some not undead people too. This sucks. Well, I guess we’ll just have to try to find more help, as we can.

Blade:

This must have been a really weird apartment because when I went to the second level, all I saw was a huge corridor and allot of rooms. Now, I say really weird because all of the rooms were painted different colors, all of them were bright and happy. The most disgusting colors ever. Every room was filled with four or five people, so I just lobbed a few grenades in each. The ones that didn’t die, Applejack picked off with Boomer’s old M16. Once we were done with the hallway and the rooms I turned to face her.

“GJ Applejack. You do good with a gun.” I high fived her.

“Well, Ah thank you kindly, but what do we do now? Ah mean, we already cleared this place out.” I slumped against the wall and sat down. She followed suit across from me. We waited for a bit before We heard a huge thud and saw Boomer. He took one look at our level and smiled.

“Very nice to both of you. Especially you AJ, I didn’t think you had it in ya. Head on down to the lobby and meet everyone there.

Rarity:

“Why do we have to fight these horrendous things? I’m so worried that blood might get in my hair, and that would just be disastrous.” I had to do some minor healing on Pinkie Pie because she had a nasty habit of not watching what was attacking her. Twilight however showed just how her knowledge could be applied and kept her distance with the pistol that Blade gave her. Pinkie preferred a more direct approach and got close to the zombies before blowing them up with grenades.

“Pinkie Pie, dear, could you be a little more careful?” I pleaded with her. Even though the healing spells didn’t take much magic I was already feeling exhausted.

“Just one more Rarity! Then we’re done! And we can have a “new house party”.

Luna:

“Oh what are we supposed to do? We got the train up here but where is everyone else. I feel like I’m on fire. I AM ON FIRE!” I thought to myself. A few feathers on my wings were on fire and I landed. I tried desperately to put them out with my hands but I couldn’t reach them. Fluttershy was still parking the train. “Help me!” I yelled. The fire had reached the skin now and gave an excruciating pain. Blade ran from the doorway that led to below and tackled me. We spun in the air and Boomer landed on his back.  He rolled over and over with me, effectively putting out the flames. He got up and went over to the train, which was now stationary. the door was bent awkwardly from hitting a few metal pipes on the rooftop. Boomer tried opening it but it wouldn’t budge.

“Fluttershy are you okay?” he asked loudly. I began walking towards him as I heard a muffled and stuttering “Yes” come from inside.

“Thank you for putting me out.” I said as nicely as I could. I was still a bit afraid of the man before me.

“I’m sorry if you got hurt while I tackled you. Also, don’t get the wrong idea about us rolling around on the ground. You should really only do that with Fox. Fluttershy, get away from the door.” There was another muffled sound and Boomer took a few steps away. He turned quickly and shot past me and into the door. It broke off and slammed onto the floor of the train. He rolled head over heels and back up onto his feet once the metal hit the ground. “Both of you, grab as much as you can and begin working down the stairs. Be careful and stick around the people clearing the levels.” Boomer rushed into his room of the train before I could even respond with a less formal version of “Yes, sir.” He came out with a blanket torn in two and wrapped around his hands. He nodded at us to tell us that we were doing a satisfactory job, before sprinting towards the closed elevator doors. I was about to ask what he was doing but I realized that it didn’t matter. We had a job, which was working our way down the stairs.

“Are you ready?” I asked Fluttershy. She nodded and we began our descent.

Boomer:

I broke out towards the elevator doors. At the last second, I jumped in the air and stuck out my feet in front of me. Both of them jarred with the impact as they collided with the doors. I fell on my side and looked at my handiwork. The doors could fit a whole human in between them. I got up and stepped inside and onto the ledge. I didn’t have time to look back and check if Luna and Fluttershy were moving or not. Instead, I jumped and flew down the shaft spread eagle style. I reached out my hands and grabbed the thick wire rope that held the elevator up. The cloth immediately began ripping around my hands and I held the wire even tighter. My descent eventually slowed from its terminal velocity fall and I was allowed to land safely on top of the elevator. My landing made a huge boom and I remembered my name sake. Shotguns, hammers, and stupid jumps. I leaped and climbed up and out of the small pit I was in. After the cloth was removed from my hands, I pulled around the shotgun from off my back. I checked that the pistol was still in place before I went to go help the second level.

Pinkie:

It didn’t take very long to clear two floors. Especially when stuff keeps going boom. Bangy and the new guy (whose name was Dahvie) cleared one floor, Bladey cleared another floor, and Boomy and Luna and Fox cleared a bunch that were outside. We could settle now. There was a giant food area, a few stores with mattresses (for sleeping in), and some places with other stuff we needed. We got the stores that had giant metal doors to use as sleeping rooms, and threw most of the stuff we weren’t using out into the HUGE middle area with a fountain. None of it was broken, so if we needed it later, we could easily get it, but we just wanted empty living areas for now. The rest of the day was keeping watch, organising rations and water, keeping watch, looking at what was around the mall, and then sleeping. This place was huge, so sometimes Boomer or Bangy or Bladey or Dahvie or Luna or Applejack would walk around and make sure everyone and pony was safe. I felt safe.

“I’m going up for watch, ok?” Bangy whispered in my ear. I turned to face him. He was sitting on the bed we were on, and I was laying down.

“Oki doki loki.” I said, giving him a long hug. When I let go, he grabbed his gun and walked down the hall. I heard the click of his flashlight before I fell asleep.

He woke me up when he laid back down.

“Anything new?” I asked, yawning.

“Other than this,” he pulled out a beautiful pink and blue necklace, “no.” I couldn’t not giggle. No one ever got me jewelry before! It’s so sweet! I kissed him right then. He was smiling when I put it on.

“Does it look good?” I asked. He smirked all silly.

“Absolutely amazing.” He said. I think I blushed. I don’t blush normally! This guy is so different than all those colts. In a good way. A rrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally good way.

Boomer:

The new kid and I were working on clearing the bodies. It was not his niche, seeing as he worked slow and had to stop a few times to take a “breather”.

“Name.” I asked him. He at least helped clear the floors a little. I still didn’t trust him. Everyone else here was either too innocent and loving to hurt me or my crew, or they were people I had known for as long as I could remember.

“Excuse me?” he replied. “Kid, you better hope to god that you aren’t mouthing off to me.”

“I asked for your name.” I said with a small hiss.

“It’s proper to give your name first before asking for someone else’s”

“Boomer. Answer me now.” He obviously thought he was better than me.

“Boomer isn’t your real name.” Instead of debating with the man any longer I walked over to him and grabbed him by the collar. I dragged the taller man behind me and over to the window. I threw him out while still holding onto his shirt.

“Does it really matter what my real name is? All of my crew calls me Boomer. If you don’t want me to drop you, you will be content with that name. If you want me to pull you inside then you will tell me yours, as well as your useful abilities.” The man just squirmed and looked up at me with fear. “Think of this as a job interview. If you don’t make yourself look good, you don’t get the job. But instead of living on the streets, you will die on the streets.” Words flung from his mouth much faster now.

“My name is Dahvie. I worked in computers. I’m not very good with guns but I can plan things out as they are happening.”

“That sound like fake fortune telling.” I loosened my grip and lowered my arm rapidly.

“I mean that I can see what’s going on on the other side. I guess I’m like surveillance. Just please don’t drop me.” I pulled him back inside and took his hand in mine.

“Pleased to meet you Dahvie. I’m glad to incorporate you into our crew. Hopefully you can learn respect and a value of friendship while you are here. Lets go see if we can get the computer system up and running. You will observe the fights that break out and such. The intercom should work as well so you can tell us what we’re missing.” I didn’t trust him, but a person like him as our eye in the sky could really help. I’ll throw him out the window when he fails his job.

“Thank you. You know this is the first time I’ve ever had a boss that was so short.”

Dahvie:

I really don’t know what to make of these... frivolous females and overly masculine males. They know how to fight better as a group than I can alone, so I guess I’m stuck. And I can only thank my lucky stars that they’re so quick to react, as disaster struck rather quickly as the sun was falling.

The survivors around here banded together in a few individual groups of about 20 to 30 each. These groups fought as collectives, and, more often than not, would fight each other for supplies and shelter. The zombies around here were mostly gone, so the bigger worry was the people with guns. This group is considerably smaller than most others, but they seem well trained.

One of these other groups, numbering about 27, found that the mall was no longer infested with zombies, and decided to plunder it. Upon finding that other survivors had made it a home, they attacked.

“27 tangos at the front!” I shouted.

“They are not a spanish dance, those are angry survivors.” the one named ‘Bang’ said, popping one in the forehead with a .27 caliber bullet from a hunting rifle. The enemies maneuvered around the mall.

“All I heard was five minutes, so cover all the entrances!” I shouted. Boomer nodded and began conversing with Blade. He soon started shouting orders.

“You!” He shouted at me, “Stand on the fountain and guide us around while we fight.”

“Alrighty then.” I said, starting to scale the water feature.

Bangarang:

(Will add more description of battle later)

Sure enough, after five minutes, we got rushed from about five directions. Blade and Boom had one part cleared, Rainbow Dash and Twilight another, and Applejack another. This left the two areas Pinkie and I were covering. Mine was clear and I glanced over in time to watch Pinkie clutch her abdomen and collapse. From what I could tell after I lost it, I had picked up Blade, used him as a weapon against two of them, and one of them helped me rip the last in half. I ran to Pinkie and laid her down, face up. The bullet wasn’t set very deep, but the blood loss was a bit too profuse for my liking. I bandaged it with the lower half of her shirt.

“Pinkie, talk to me.” I said.

“I-I... ow... I c-c-can’t...” She managed, spasming every so often from the pain. I can’t imagine that any of the former ponies could have felt much pain at all before, so this was probably ten times worse for her than it would have been for, say, Boom. I hefted her over my shoulder and cringed as she groaned with the pain, then moved as quickly as I could to our room.

“Dahvie, go get me morphine or anesthesia.” I ordered. I cleaned Pinkie’s wound with some ethanol and antibacterial ointment (in which there was a LOT of screaming), and wrapped her abdomen in gauze, a cotton cloth over the wound. When the morphine came, I administered it quickly, also putting Pinkie to sleep.

Blade:

“The fuck, bro?” I said to Bang, leaning on his doorway.

“You know I do that sometimes.” He replied sullenly.

“You picked me up by the leg and used me to beat someone to death.” I said dryly, “And then you threw me at another guy, who I had to stab.”

“I do that sometimes?” He repeated, stroking Pinkie’s hair.

“You better still do your patrols.” I said, “Lest you piss off Boom.”

“Yeah I know. Hey, where’s that one guy that helped me?”

“Getting ‘interviewed’.”

Boomer:

“Name.” I said, eyeing this new guy. He was extremely muscular, rather tall, and pretty broad. Stereotypical bouncer at a club.

“I go by many names, Sven is preferred.” He said in a thick Russian accent. Even more stereotypical.

“Skills?”

“I engineer vehicles, mostly. I also make incredible vodka cocktail.”

“Perfect. Welcome aboard.”

Fox:

“Vehicles, vodka, and Russian?” I asked Boomer as he told us about the new guy.

“That is what I said. isn’t it?” he replied.

“Well... at least we can blow stuff up while we’re drunk now.” I said, ahh the nostalgia.

“Just like old times.” Boomer said smiling.

“Yep. Well maybe not quite the same.” I said thinking of Luna. The thought brought a smile to my face.

“Indeed. Now we can all be pimpin’ out with our new bitches, dawg.” said Blade in a very white fashion. We all shared a laugh at that.

“Excuse me?” Rarity walked up.

“I- uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh...” Boomer was short of words.

“Nothing here for you to worry,” about I said trying to save our hides.

“Did he just call me a bitch?” she asked, sounding furious.

“Nononono I never said that!” Boomer exclaimed while trying to keep a straight face.

“I am pretty sure that is what I heard.”

“Maybe you should get your ears checked.” I replied also trying not to laugh. Her expression was priceless. Shocked and angry and confused all at once. It took all my self restraint to keep from making a sound. Finally it became too much so I just walked out of the room and over to mine to let it all out. However, when I got there Luna was standing against the wall.

“Oh. Hey Luna... I don’t mean to sound rude but... why are you in my room?”

“I wanted to ask you more questions.” she said. Great.

“Such as?” I asked apprehensive.

“Well first of all. Why did you become a spy? It sounds like a terrible line of work.”

“Well it was not entirely my choice. During my young years I wanted to become an astronaut like all children do at some point, but I held on to this dream. Later realising it was impossible I switched over to wanting to become a astronautical engineer the stars never really let go of me. I went to a university and in the beginning my second year I received a message that said a certain person could help me find the killer of my parents.”

“What did you do?” Luna asked.

“I went to an address that was written on the message. There I was greeted by a bunch of bigger and older men. One directed me to a chair where I sat for five minutes or so. Then a guy in a suit walks in and sits across from me. He stares at me for a bit then he leans forward looks me in the eye and says ‘it was me.’ I don’t remember what happened after that I must have been so angry that I lost control of myself.” I looked at Luna and she seemed to be even more confused but she didn’t say anything so I went on with my narrative.

“All I did know was that I had been knocked unconscious because I woke up in my college dormitory as if nothing had happened but I had a bump on my head.” I tapped the back of my head indicating where I had been struck.

“I went on living what had been my normal life for several months. Until I received a phone call containing the same voice that had claimed to kill my parents. He told me he had not actually killed them but he needed to see my reaction.”

“Did you believe him?” I groaned. Hadn’t I asked her not to question my profession? What ever she deserves to know.

“Of course not I may not have been top of the class but I wasn’t stupid. He said he wanted me for a ‘special’ job and offered me a solid one hundred thousand dollars if I completed it.”

“How much is that worth?” she asked.

“Enough to make me take the job from a man claiming to have killed my parents. Plus I was in a bit of a tight spot for money. The job ended up being a second part of an ‘interview’ as they called it. I had to swipe some information from the school’s Dean.”

“Who’s that?”

“He basically runs the university. The information seemed irrelevant all he wanted was a full roster of all attendees at the university: names, birth dates, classes currently taken that sort of thing. Now I knew this information wouldn’t just be handed to me so I had to get creative. But I’m not going to bore you with the details of that mission. After receiving my money the same man told me there was more where that came from. Already fascinated by the amount of money, I listened. He told me he works for a special branch of the military and asked if I would like to join because I showed potential. I told him I would think about it he left me instructions on how to contact him if I wanted in. All too soon the money was gone. I had paid all my debts and some left over which I spent on booze and parties since becoming popular is retarded like that here on earth. I contacted him told him I was in. Soon I was taken to a secret location and I was trained to become what I am today along with maybe fifteen others of varying ages.”

“And that’s how you became a spy?”

“Aye, that’s how the cookie crumbles. I was paid well for my services, up until this zombie apocalypse. A few weeks before all this started happening, I had been framed. Someone let a few pieces of VERY sensitive information to Germany, and I happened to be the only one of my sector there at the time. Also the only one who knew about it.”

“Your sector? There were more like you?”

“Yes those others I mentioned we were all put into the same sector.”

“And what exactly is a sector?”

“I can’t tell you that,” I said, “any more questions?”

Luna:

“No, maybe later?” Truth is I had hundreds of questions but his story gave me a lot to think about.

“Of course.” he said nodding. I started to walk out the door when he grabbed my hand.

“What is it?” I asked

“Just because you dont have questions doesn’t mean you need to leave.” he said smiling gently at me. I felt my cheeks flush but he only smiled a bit wider.

“Come on just stay with me a while.” he said.

“O-okay.” I said getting nervous and excited at the same time. He sat down on the bed and I sat on his lap. I liked sitting here with him it made me feel like nothing could ever hurt me. I am safe. We sat a while only a few words passing between us. Eventually he laid down in a lazy fashion and I laid on top of him resting my head on his chest. I soon fell asleep like that in peaceful comfort on top of my very special somepony.

I was awakened what must have been at least an hour later by Fox he gently shook my shoulder till I opened my eyes. I yawned and sat up stretching.

“What is it?” I asked tiredly.

“I didn’t want to wake you, but I have to take a shift at watch.” he said with a sorry smile.

“It’s alright. I can just go back to my room.” I said

“If you really are tired you can just stay here.” he said as he walked out. I watched him go before I fell asleep again.

Pinkie:

“Wh-what are you doing?” I asked Bangy. He looked like he was moving boxes around.

“Moving you in here.” He said, looking at me.

“But Boomy said-” He interrupted.

“I know what he said, but look at you,” He pointed at me, “I can’t risk anything like this happening again.”

“Ok.” I said. It was still hard to move because of the Annie Thesia and the more finé.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked after he finished unpacking the first box.

“I can’t really feel anything.” I said.

“Well, that’s better than pain...” He said, laying down next to me.

“I guess so... Can you stay right there until I fall asleep?” I asked. I didn’t want to get shot again.

“Of course.” He gave me a kiss on the forehead. I smiled and hugged him as best as I could.

“Love you.” He said softly.

“I love you too.” I said. I fell asleep with his arms around me.

When I woke up everything was hurting again.

“ANNIE THESIA PLEASE!” I yelled. Bangy came up with another needle-thingy and gave it to me.

“Anesthesia, for the fourth time.”

“Amnesia, got it.”

“Anesthesia.”

“Army Knees-ia.”

“Anesthesia.’

“Anus sneeze-ia.”

“Forget it.” He said, laughing.

“Do I need the other stuff too?”

“Morphine?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you not say that one either?”

“Nope.”

“Ah, I don’t blame you. Took me awhile to get ‘anesthesia’ down.”

“Me too.”

“I know.” I started giggling. He sat by the door the whole day, looking back every so often to make sure I was ok. Rarity came in after a while and healed me up more. I would be able to party again in no time!

Twilight:

Boomer:

I excused myself from dinner that night and went to my room. Of course Rarity followed. She stuck around these days even more so, just because people were also hunting us now. I pulled off my shirt as she stood in the doorway.

“What are you doing, darling? You looked fine before, there is no reason to change.”

“I’m uh... not changing. I’m just uh...” I was at a loss for words as I slipped my shoes and socks off. I also took off my leg holsters and tactical belt. The only clothing still on me was my underwear and my tan cargo pants. “Well, I suppose I’m just going for a walk. You can come with if you want.”

“Well I would love to, but why aren’t you taking anything?” Not the question I thought she was going to ask.

“If you come with, I can explain on the walk. If you don’t, I can give you a really crappy explanation here.”

“Okay. I will come with. But do I also have to take off my shirt and shoes?” That right there. That is what I thought she was going to ask the first time.

“Not unless you want to.” She wanted to, probably half because of support for whatever the fuck I was doing, and half because she was testing my promise that I made on the train.

“Do you ever wear a bra?”

“A what?” She must be messing with me. I left it alone and began walking. We took a few steps outside the building before she realized that the ground was much harder than expected.

“Ow! Oh why do human feet have to be so soft?”

“Just run back inside and get your shoes.” I half expected her to get her shirt too. It wasn’t the warmest day out.

Rarity:

I’m sure Boomer would have appreciated it if I put on a shirt as well, but I wanted to feel like a part of whatever he was doing. It seemed important so I stuck as close to procedure as I could.

“Alright. I’m ready for our walk.” I announced as I came outside. Boomer had moved positions from his place in front of the building to on top of a car that was overturned. He stood facing the expanse of the city with his hands behind his back. He looked very noble, and for the first time, I noticed how toned and muscled he really was. As I was staring, he hopped down from the car gingerly and took my hand.

“Let us walk, shall we?” he asked with the most posh accent I had ever heard him use.

“Indeed. But I must ask, why are you so light on defense and weapons now? Are we not safer with them than without them?” His hand locked fingers with mine and I felt brilliant. It was a simple gesture, but nonetheless, I felt as if this was a big step for us as a couple.

“Honestly? Right now we have close to a one percent chance of survival if we meet anything living and hostile. Ten percent if it’s dead and hostile. But, this is a guilty pleasure of mine.” I began to feel a little flushed. Surely he couldn’t mean me. “I like to trick myself into thinking that everything is fine. That I really am safe to just have a walk in the park with no protection whatsoever. Granted this has never been possible in my life, but I like the oblivious bliss it brings.” He fell silent after this. I was too busy contemplating his words to talk. It was a few more moment of walking before he started up conversation again.

“I would like nothing more to be able to do this everyday, and actually be safe. I would love to not have to even do this and feel safe. I dream of a world where I don’t have to look out for people, because I know that they’ll be fine no matter what. But it just isn’t possible.”

“Well you can’t actually live life without worry or danger, darling. That would make life no fun at all. You need just a little difficulty to have any sort of adventure in your life.” I felt a little odd preaching to someone so high in power, but he seemed so null on the subject.

“You see though, thats the thing. I knew this kid in middle school. He didn’t have a care in the world. His parents were dying but he didn’t give a fuck. He just laughed at everything and moved on in life. He acted like he was safe. He was safe. Purely because he didn’t care.

Bangarang:

Pinkie was up and bouncing around, as she normally would. I couldn’t not smile, seeing her all happy again. The gauze had to stay there for now, mainly because the wound could still bleed.

“Hey!” She shouted to me.

“Ye-” I was interrupted by a tight hug and a looooong kiss.

“What was that for?” I asked, looking at her.

“For making sure I was oki doki loki that whole time.” She said.

“Oh, no problem.” I said, gently stroking her cheek.

“Oh! Now that I’m thinking about it... How does baby-making work for humans.”

“I- uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh derp da derp derp...” I was at a loss for words at first, “Are you really sure?”

“Well yeah! The zombies are gone, right?” She asked oh-so innocently.

“Well... Yeah.. but-”

“Then tell me, silly!”

“I... ugh. Okay...” I began, “Well... First, the guy gets... Uh... Go ask Boomer?” I tried.

“I want you to tell me.” She said, looking at me curiously.

“Uh... You sure...?”

“Yeah!”

“Oi vey... Well... First, the guy’s... privates get hard.. and... GOD this is awkward... Well, then he puts it into... Ah...”

“This thing?” Pinkie asked, motioning toward the part in question. I nodded.

“Oh, ok. That’s what I thought.” She said.

“Yeah.”

“Can we-”

“NO. Not right now.”

“I was gonna ask if we could go get some food, silly!” She was giggling like a maniac. I laughed and walked with her to the food court. Our food storage and the variety of food had increased when we took over this mall, so there was more than apples. One of her favorites, specifically, is pizza. The surrounding stores were Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, a chinese buffet, Orange Julius, and Starbucks. These weren’t the only food vendors in the mall, so, again, there was a lot of variety. Pizza Hut and Orange Julius were our normal stops, as the food was normally frozen and in a freezer. And, on top of that, cooking times and mixing instructions were in little handy books that were in the vending stalls.

“Hey... Do you want a nickname or more human sounding name?” I asked after finishing  a lemon slush.

“Hm... Like what?” She asked, looking at me with tired eyes.

“Well, Bang, Boom, Blade, and Fox are all one syllable, pretty easy names. Names like Fluttershy are too long and don’t roll off the tongue well enough.” I said, “Now, I like your name, but yelling ‘Pink’ while fighting just won’t work, I can assure you.”

“Ohhh I see... I don’t really want to.”

The rest of the small meal was rather silent. My shift of watch from the roof was close at hand, so I gave Pinkie a quick hug and went up with my M24. The human attacks weren’t so common, but a straggler would occasionally poke their head where they didn’t belong, and I would promptly remove it. I noticed Boom and Rarity outside again. They seemed to go out there a lot lately. Just like Blade would normally just stay in his room with his two girls, and Fox would constantly go on walks with Luna... I don’t spend enough personal time with Pinkie. Or maybe I do and it doesn’t feel like it. I don’t know...

I stood up to stretch out. I was starting to think depressedly, which means I’m too still. How long have I been up here? Five hours! Holy fuck! I rushed down the stairs to the top floor and ran to my room. Pinkie was asleep. So was just about everyone else but the russian and Blade. Having little else to do, I took a stroll around the perimeter.

Sven:

“You know what really would spice up life right now?” I said, looking to Blade.

“Yeh?” He slurred.

“A nice, cranberry vodka cocktail. I make right now.” I said, marching off to find the only liquor store in this building. Once I got the vodka, cranberry syrup, cherries, and a mixer, I whipped up drink and served it to Blade.

“Ah... Yes...” He said after taking sip. I laughed.

“You like?”

“Very much. Can I have another?”

“Sure thing, comrade.” He drank about seven cups.

“Ah ha, comrade! You drank too much! Here, I tie you to chair so you do nothing stupid.” I said. When I turned around with rope, he was gone.

Blade:

Hm... Yeah. This place would look MUCH better with flashy lights. C4 has flashy lights. Perrrrrrrrrrrrfect. I need to make sure they’re lined up right... Fuck... I can’t see straight... Ha, then I must be seeing gay. So this is how Bangy sees the world... No wonder he’s alwas happy as Fu-uck. Eheheh... C4... You so silly. Ooh! Some firecrackers would look great in between each C4 packet... Yeah... Oh fuck it, I’ll just throw all this C4 in the middle here. And then firecrackers. GAY firecrackers. Heh, Blondie would like this.

“Blondieeeeeeeeeeeee!” I yelled. He wasn’t near. The russian guy looked at the pile of explodey stuff.

“What is it you plan on doing with this, comrade?” He asked.

“Iunno. Go get Boomer. I wanna show him.”

“He is outside, comrade.”

“Oh I see ‘im. HEY! HEY BOOMER! HEY!” I waved my arm around so he would see me.

Boomer:

THE FUCK!? Blade is drunk off his ass with a fuck ton of C4 behind him. And he’s waving at me like a crazy mofo.

“FOX! BLADE’S DRUNK!” I shouted to the guy who was off walking with Luna.

“Oh shit!” I heard distantly. He ran up to help me evacuate everyone. When that asshole is drunk, shit blows up, and it blows up big. REALLY big. I wouldn’t doubt that he had a literal ton of explosives in there. This is going to end badly for that mall.

“What’s going on?” Rarity asked in panic. I shook my head.

“Blade is drunk, which means this whole place is going to explode. And by this whole place, I mean that if we are anywhere within five hundred meters of it when it goes off, we’re pretty much boned. So let’s run.” I replied. She tore off in a sprint. After evacuating Pinkie and not finding Blondie, everyone but the blonde was out front.

“How long’s the fuse?” I held Blade up by the collar.

“Uh.... I set it to thirty.”

“So we have... about three minutes to high-tail it out of here.” I said, eyeing my watch. We took all the munitions we could salvage before the clock went down to two minutes, then tore off in a sprint. Bang was still nowhere to be seen. I had to leave him if he was there.

“Ok, if we take cover here, we’ll be fine.” I panted, leaping down an alley. Everyone followed. We couldn’t be farther than 300 meters away, but cement buildings are a bit more sturdy than air.

“Where’s my Bangy?” Pinkie asked after looking everyone over. I couldn’t do anything but shrug. Her expression afterward was just depressing. After a few more seconds, a deafening boom rang out, followed by the clattering of rubble and roaring of the aftershock tearing through the air. Pinkie burst into tears.

“Aw, really? Bang doesn’t die. He’s been worse off than this before and got out with only one hole in his kneecap. I swear, the mafia in Chicago...” Pinkie’s crying stopped when she saw a figure at the end of the alley.

“Feel the bass.” He said. Pinkie leaped up and ran to him.

“Bangarang!” She shouted excitedly.

“BASS! Wob wob wob wob wob wubub WAH wah, whew-a whawa bangarang bass! WOB-” Blade began. I ended it by punching him in the temple. One does not simply sing dubstep and get away with it. Bang looked pretty fucked up, now that I can look at him.

“How the hell did you survive?” I asked.

“I managed to get behind a tree on the left side of the late mall, relative to where we are. That tree got butt raped worse than my face did.” He said with a laugh. He was half covered in soot, vaporized cement, tiny shards of glass, and god knows what else. His shirt was also burnt to next to nothing. It was probably more effective as a women’s swimsuit than anything now. Same with his jeans. And probably the one shoe that wasn’t there anymore.

“You are resilient, comrade. I salute you.” Sven said, saluting Bang. The guy laughed.

“No reason to. Only reason I survived was because of a cross breeze, two spoons, a leaf, and seven and an eighth sticks of chocolate flavored bubble gum.” He said jokingly. He looked back at the mall.

“Yeah, we’re off to find another shelter. Personally, I want to find some crazy tall skyscraper. Or the Royal Palace. Yeah, that would be pretty fuckin’ cool.” Dahvie cut in.

“Sure. We’re in England, eh? Wait... did any vehicles make it?”

“Dat train.” Bang said, motioning to the still standing locomotive.

“Dat train.” I repeated. We quickly made our way back to the crazy vehicle, when it hit me. Where the hell is Fluttershy?

Luna:

I was chosen to fly the train this time. Fox was next to me, directing me toward what I imagined was going to be a huge palace, but was a fairly small one, compared to Canterlot. It wasn’t so hard to see once we got fairly close, and the train was next to dying again when we landed, but after a fairly boring hour, we were there. It was no surprise to me that gunfire began immediately. We let the little metal pellets slam into our giant one for awhile before exiting the train and attacking them ourselves.

Fox:

After a very long and very boring talk, we decided that first, Blade never gets alcohol ever again. Second, we need a new place to live. And third, we will go live in the royal palace, just because we can. We put all the stuff that didn’t explode into the train, where we found Fluttershy trembling in a corner, practically speechless. Once we got to the palace, we weren’t surprised to find it full of bandits.

“Just stay here until they stop. We’ll catch them by surprise.” Boomer said. I nodded and gave my G18 a quick wipe. Bang poked through the door quickly, RD following him quickly. Pinkie opened fire from where she stood in the train and sprinted out. Everyone else kind of shoved through the door.

Most of the bandits had receded to tactical positions to try to fend us off. They were undoubtedly going to fail. Even after just exiting the train, the bandits counted ten less than they did before. It got harder as we opened the doors, however.

Blade blew open the doors with a shot to the handles, streams of bullets spraying out of the doors in retaliation. I pulled the pin from a grenade and kicked it into the main room, silencing a lot of their weapons. After a few more skillful shots from the rest of us, the bandits were no more.

After the battle, I walked into the first room I found basically ripped off my shirt and fell face first onto the bed. I snoozed till I heard someone open the door behind me. I opened my eyes to see Luna step in.

“Oh! I’m sorry I thought this room wasn’t taken.” she said

“It’s alright. I was just taking a quick rest is all.” I stood up and stretched.

“Oh, Fox, what is that around your neck?” she asked. I looked down at the small pendant that rested on my chest.

“It was my mothers.” I said becoming saddened at the thought of family.

“It’s so beautiful. Like a star glittering in the night sky.” she said.

“Not so beautiful as you.” I said, “you shine like the moon and your eyes are bright stars. When I look into them I feel as though I drift through space itself.” She blushed at the compliment. “I guess I’m not exactly a poet.” I said with a small chuckle.

“I thought it was very sweet.” she said moving close to me. She put her arms around my shoulders and I put mine around her waist. We shared a long night time kiss and I forgot my tiredness. After we separated she stepped up to the door and gestured for me to follow with a slightly mischievous twinkle in her eye. I followed, curious.

Bangarang:

I kicked down the door of one room and, with Pinkie in my arms, walked in. I set her down on the rather large bed and took a look around the place. There was a LOT of defensive opportunities all around. The balconies were freakin endless! And what’s better, there weren’t any zombies in sight from the giant tower in the middle of the fortress. There were plenty of other humans around, but anymore, most seemed fairly tame. We may be able to rebuild humanity right here in England. If we got enough people to cooperate, we could easily start settling in other lands. We would have to re-cartograph the world, but it would be worth it, to restart EVERYTHING. Figure out how to build effectively, how to recreate what already exists... It could be either incredible or an utter failure. We could also re-imagine government! The world is our play dough, and we are genius babies, ready to mold.

Princess Celestia:

“Spike, what is the meaning of this letter?” I asked the small dragon.

“I already told you, Twilight must have cast a spell or something to make this,” He held up some odd glass... object, “Land in the tree house.”

“Interesting. It has been a while since I sent her, and I have received no word.”

“PRINCESS!! I only have a few seconds! We’re ok! Send-” And just as mysteriously as it had came, a biped with the same mane and voice as Twilight Sparkle disappeared from the glass.

“I‘m taking that as a sign to send more ponies.” I said, re-opening the portal I had sent my best train through so many months before. This time though, some bolt struck it on the other end, extending to at least ten thousand time it’s size. Our whole land got sent through it.

Boomer:

“WHAT THE FU-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-” I was screaming. A planet was coming out of Earth. What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. Everything was shaking. I don’t know what’s going on. I can’t give guidance. I think I’m gonna die.

When everything went back to normal, another planet (about the size of Earth) was orbiting Earth, and another Moon was orbiting these two planets. Wait... Am I high? I don’t THINK I used those... yet... Damn it.

“WHO SLIPPED MY ECSTASY INTO MY TEA!?” I yelled.

“Whoa... You have ecstasy!?” Bang shouted excitedly, darting off immediately.

“Does anyone else see that planet up the- THE FUCK!?” A giant pony teleported next to me.

“Hello... You.” She said.

“I.... I’m a human. Those people over there,” I pointed at the females, “used to be ponies. Twilight, Pinkie, Rari-”

“Oh! Yes! Very good!” She interrupted, trotting over to them. Ponies have an odd habit of doing that.

Twilight:

“Princess!? Did that old tv and vcr actually work!?” I shouted in surprise. I had recorded a quick message, put it in a vcr, attached it to a TV, taped them together, then launched it using one of our cannons. I guess it actually went to Equestria. I was expecting that, as I calculated, but I didn’t know it was going to get to Celestia.

“I guess it did.” She said.

“So... You brought Equestria with you.”

“Yes, and our sun and moon.” I looked up and, sure enough, there were two suns slowly rotating around each other at high noon. There were also two moons spiralling across the sky. Equestria was orbiting Earth so closely that I could see the dragons flying around. Ponies were only obvious in large groups. Other humans began gathering around us. I forgot that alicorns weren’t really a thing on Earth, so this was probably really weird to them.

“The hell!?” Was what most of them were saying. “Whoa...” and “LET’S GO TO CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE” were also fairly common. About a hundred people, of both genders (I was only expecting men), were gathered around.

“I am Princess Celestia, and I brought that land.” She said, using her horn to point to it.

“I don’t want it! Take it back!” one of them exclaimed. Celestia’s horn glowed bright and about thirty ponies appeared in a flash.

“I also brought my loyal followers.” She said.

“I don’t want them either!” the same voice shouted. She glared at the man who was now at the front of the crowd.”

“I brought you more land, our technology, my people, magic, and you say neigh!?”

“Magic? Bollocks!” that man sounded. He then flew up to the pony planet in a yellow cloud of sparkles.

“I don’t doubt you!” Was the general response, as well as “Whoa, man” and “I’m sorry for ever doubting you, princess!”

“So, how is this going to work?” Celestia turned to me. The humans were sort of mumbling amongst themselves.

“Uh... ask Boomy?” I said.

“Whom?”

“Him.” I pointed.

“Lesti!” Luna shouted, running up to her sister and embracing her sister. I People in earshot began laughing.

“Not in front of these aliens! Is this you, Luna?” The solar princess shouted.

“I’m one of ‘em, sis. Unobservant, as usual.”

“Watch your mouth, sister. I have two moons to banish you to this time.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” said Fox.

“And who is this?” asked Celestia.

“My husb- very, very special somepony.”

“Whoa, what?” Fox interjected.

“Well, he’s certainly... Human.” Celestia looked the man over.

Fox:

WHAT was she about to call me? Where did she learn that word? Does she know what it means?

“Uh... Thanks.” I said, snapping back to reality. Luna was hanging on my arm.

“The pleasure is all yours, I assure you.” She said, looking me over.

“Uh... Luna?” I tried nervously

“Sister! I love him. D:” She sort of whined.

“I guess that’s fine with me.” Celestia glared. I smiled a bit nervously.

“So... uh... I guess, according to Luna here, you’re uh.. My sister in law?” I was sweating. This pony could probably rip me in half on the spot, and I didn’t want to make Luna feel uncomfortable.

“Not yet, you aren’t.” She said with the SCARIEST fucking giggle I’ve ever heard. She walked off with Boom to go discuss diplomatic affairs. I walked in the other direction with Luna.

“Husband!? Why!?” I whisper shouted.

“Well, I just thought-” She was also whispering.

“We aren’t married!”

“Sorry...”

“It’s ok, just... not in front of your sister... until she knows me better...”

“Ok.” She said. I smiled.

“Good.” We continued walking in silence, when we stumbled upon Bang and Pinkie.

“Hey.” Luna said, waving sweetly.

“So it is decided!” Celestia announced, “I will gather the entire population of Earth and Equestria in their three separate species.”

“Whoa, three?” I asked. That third was either zombies or dragons, and I’m not too keen on either of those.

“Yes, I am sensing two sorts of humans.” Shit.

“NO-” I was cut off by a loud ‘Pamf!’. Just like that, there were three giant wads of beings: Humans, Ponies, and Zombies.

“ATTACK THOSE!” Boom yelled to the ponies, pointing at the zombies.

Luna:

There must have been a hundred thousand zombies. The only problem with that is our numbers appeared to be half of that. We had unicorns and pegasi, though. Nearly every human was armed on top of that. But the massive number of zombies rushing towards us was still very disconcerting. The unicorns quickly casted a defensive spell over the group. This would keep the zombies at bay for about five minutes.

“Humans, pick a pony and defend it. Ponies, pick a human and follow them.” I said quickly. Everyone and everypony nodded and the group scrambled for about seven minutes. This meant that while everyone was organising, they would have to just hold the zombies off. Once there was organisation, though, zombies died. Unicorns would blast them back and paralyze them, then the humans would shoot them. Equestrian magic has almost never been used to kill anything. Even fire and lightning spells are meant for torches and mechanical devices. So even now, when their lives are in danger, they could do no more than knock the deranged beasts down. What amazed me further, though, is how well the fighting blended. Pegasi would lift humans for a more tactical position. Unicorns would quickly light the end of the gun barrel on fire then force the bullet out faster to cause every gunshot to do more damage than it would normally. Earth ponies didn’t really do anything to make the humans work better, but could fight alongside them. It was a majestic sight, until the rush started. The remaining zombies huddled into one large mass numbering still 750,000 strong, and ran.

Blade:

“I guess it’s time for,” I pulled out my handy little C4 detonator, “This.” And pressed the button. There was a glorious ball of flaming zombies that flew away from us. Boomer glared.

“You could have done that while we were actually pushing them back.”

“But it’s more fun this way.” I replied. I took this chance to sit down.

“Oh... You’re so... you.” He laughed. I propped my gun up on a nearby rock and just sprayed at the zombies. I’d hit at least one. Bang would pick off any stragglers. The unicorns were pretty boss, though. Everything was lighting on fire. It was pretty awesome.

After about six hours, the zombies were mostly ash. Everyone was tired as fuck.

“Well, I think that’s all of ‘em.” Bang said, sitting behind me.

“Yeah. Life’s gonna be real boring now.” I replied dully.

“We could build a city.”

“I’m too lazy for that.”

“Everyone else and I could build a city.”

“Go for it, bro.”

“Sweet.” He got up and walked off.

The end. Yay God. Amen. Bananas.