Fallout: Equestria - Keep Calm & Radiate On, The Nonsensical Diary of Megaspell

by ComicSansPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Adventure, Fallout, Violence, Slice of Life, Crossover, Death, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery
Length: 4000

Welcome to my diary Random Diary Reader! Hope you enjoy my story and that of Nuclear Horseman Studios!

Hello Random Diary Reader, I am Dusty Sweeps Megaspell, Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony and apparently owner of Warmer Mare Studios....now called Nuclear Horseman Studios. This is my story, past, present, future...not always in that order.

Published 2020-03-29 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-05-04 02:56:59 UTC

Hello Random Diary Reader!

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 123 YEARS, 5 DAYS, 2 HOURS, 3 MINS, 25 SEC~

Dear Diary,

OMG that feels so odd to type after so long. It only took 123 years, 5 days, 2 hours, 3 mins, and 25 secs to get this terminal fixed...at least according to the login screen.

WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS Megaspell - LAST LOGIN: 123 YEARS, 5 DAYS, 2 HOURS, 3 MINS, 25 SEC

Ok, ok, it didn’t have that name crossed out, but nice to know I can do that in this text file. If only I could edit my profile, Dusty died when the megaspells fell. Long story...um...if well...if this is the first entry you are reading. I guess I control the story, so it should. Hello Random Diary Reader...Can I call you RDR?........I’m gonna call you RDR.

So RDR, welcome to the story of my life….ok that sounded super cheesy. Let me introduce myself, I’m Megaspell. Recently hired Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony of Nuclear Horseman Studios. It's been so long since I had a real job, I wonder what I’m getting paid….ooooh what kind of benefits will they offer?

Right this is the wasteland….not killing me is probably the only benefit I get. Or well I suppose not kicking them out of MY studio. Wasteland property rights are strange. It functions on squater’s rights. You claim a ruin and live in it long enough...it's basically yours. That’s how I came into the possession of one of the three biggest film production studios in all of Applewood, neigh all of Equestria! It was called Warmer Mare’s Studios, owned by sisters Warmer Weather and Warmer Greeting. Since they are not around, I can only assume they are dead...but with so many stories across the wastes of wartime ponies surviving through ghoulifiction, stasis, or some other strange form of arcano-tech….them still being alive is not out of the realm of possibility.

Sheet, I forgot….I’m also a ghoul, I think the WSG calls me a Glowing Ghoul. Which is odd because it also says ghouls can’t reproduce. So why would I be glowing?……...oh wait, it probably means because I literally glow….I thought it was calling me pregnant. Can you imagine me with a child? I’m only 18, far too young for a family….hold on 18+ about 215 years...eh still too young if you ask me. But, you didn’t and now I’ve made things awkward. Sorry RDR.

Anyways, a lot has happened in the past few days. This unicorn with a broken horn came to the studio. He was accompanied by a pegasus, Alicorn, Earth Pony, wait, no, two earth ponies, one with posh vibes, the other rather raiderish, and a bunny. The bunny was the cutest of the bunch, I just wanted to squish her little cheeks, but we just met...it's too early to get that personal with somepony’s pet….at least I think she was a pet. First bunny I’ve seen capable of speaking Equestrian.

I ran out to meet them...it had been so long since I’ve had guests. The gangs tend to avoid the studio...even the one composed of celebrity ghouls. I should have expected them to open fire, Variety is always reporting on feral ghouls and other ghoul violence...well the alicorn was the first and only to shoot. The broken horn was angry at her, the raider and the bunny laughed, the pegasus ran past me to see if there were other ghouls, and the posh pony was the first to get me a healing potion.

All in all, an exciting day. I’m not one to hold grudges, but the alicorn still frightens me, even disarmed. It just sucks that physically I’m healed, but now I have open sections showing my bones. They don’t hurt, but I miss my coat. Might start wearing clothes to cover them. I do live in the costume warehouse.

Back to the encounter. Once I was all healed up, the broken horn, Comic “Action” Sans, said he wanted my permission to use Warmer Mare’s Studio. That is how I found out I counted as its owner. Even if some of the studio has collapsed while other parts are overrun with robots. Long story short, I said OK as long as I can be their mascot...and the alicorn, Starry Flame was her name, stays far away from me….I don’t like getting shot.

So that is how Nuclear Horseman Studios was founded from the ruins of Warmer Mare’s Studios. Action wants to bring back the Equestrian Entertainment Industry. Lofty goals, but maybe he can do it. He’s currently meeting with The Variety of Variety News to get projects broadcast on her radio station. SO COOL!

While he was gone, the pegasus….um Coolman Stan….fixed up a few generators and got this terminal working. That’s basically it. Now I’m gonna look at my old entries. Organize them in an order I like, which won’t be chronological because what fun is there in making sense? And check out some other terminal features. Like what is the SITCOM feature? Can’t be about situational comedies...or can it?

Sincerely,
Megaspell
Owner/Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony of Nuclear Horseman Studios

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Author's Note

sort of a retelling of the failed ARG put on by Nuclear Horseman Studios...it will be canon to the in-universe NHS and their projects, but only tangentially.

>> Profile Problems

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 1 DAY ~

To: Technical Excess
From: Dusty Sweeps

Profile Problems

Dear Technical Excess,

I’m contacting you about my employee profile. I try to upload images of myself and it won’t let me. In fact it won’t let me edit my profile at all. It keeps saying that I do not have permission to edit the page and to contact the system admin. Nothing is particularly in correct, I just would like the option to edit it, if needed. Please let me know if there is a way to fix it.

Sincerely,
Dusty Sweeps
Custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios

P.S. Do we really need a picture of our cutie mark? kind of awkward taking a picture of my flank.

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

WHAT A BUNCH OF RUBBISH!

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 8 HOUR ~

WHAT A BUNCH OF RUBBISH! Literally!

Ok, ok, sorry, Dear Diary,

WHAT A BUNCH OF RUBBISH! So you just read some of my earliest correspondence with Technical Excess. She was one of my best friends back then. I kinda miss him. Anyways, he was working on a way for me to access and edit my employee profile. Not that anything was wrong back then, now I’d like to change my name.

Well going back over the correspondence I thought of something that might have been against WM rules. What if I log into my boss’s employee account. His name was Rubbish Trash-shoot, and they say pony names aren’t prophetic. He was the laziest “Head Custodian” ever. He pawned off all his duties to me. Well I didn’t mind, but I wasn’t getting double pay for double work. He just sat in his office getting drunk...or so I thought.

Turns out it was much worse. First a tangent.

The Warmer sisters were a paranoid bunch, never saw for myself, only rumors at the water cooler. As such every employee had a security badge that let them in specific locations around the studio. These badges were linked to your account on the studio’s network. That way security, your boss, or the Warmers could see who entered where across the studio. The surveillance and paranoia put Pinkie and the MoM to shame.

Since I was given Rubbish’s duties, he gave me his badge. Which was against WM rules, but I didn’t want to get fired. Currently I have My own, Rubbish’s, Busboy’s, Technical Excess’s, All Star’s, and On Fleek’s ID badges. They let me into most of the studio, save Security, some select production offices, and the Executive offices.

So what did I find when I logged into Rubbish’s profile? The idiot made his password “Password1234”. Well I found pictures of me, all candid, some ripped from security footage, others not. I even found an unpublished version of my employee profile full of...well let's just say Pony Recourses would not be happy with its content. Fucking creep. I hate swearing, but he deserves it.

Chucked his skull into the Applewood River. Yeah I found his skeleton in his office years ago while cleaning. Glad he didn’t ghoulify like me. Fucking creep! I used to wonder what he was doing when he died, now I really do not want to know.

So what did we learn today RDR? My former boss was a creepy stalker. That and he had somehow given himself sole access to my profile for some perverted reason. Fucking creep!!

Well I guess today was a net win, I can edit my profile and I no longer feel sad my former boss is dead.

Sincerely,
Megaspell
Owner/Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony of Nuclear Horseman Studios

P.S. I’ll need to have Chokfi, the bunny who is apparently an artist, make a mock-up of my cutie mark and see if Action can take my picture.

P.P.S. I should let Tech know the problem is fixed....if she's still alive....she's definitely alive, I never found a corpse.

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

>>Profile Problems FIXED

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - MEGASPELL - LAST LOGIN: 3 SEC~

To: Technical Excess
From: Megaspell

Profile Problems FIXED

Hey Tech,

Long time no chat. I don’t know if you are in a place to get this, The Warmer Sisters never let us login from outside the studio. Wherever you are, I hope you and Set are well. I finally was able to edit my profile. My sleeze of a boss, Rubish, had locked me out. If Pony Recourses still existed, I’d report him. He had pervy candid shots of me. Total creep. Send me a message when you get a chance.

Proof!

Your Friend,
Megaspell
Owner/Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony of Nuclear Horseman Studios

P.S. This is Dusty BTW, I go by Megspell now….and I kinda own the studios.

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Untitled Entry

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 4 MIN ~

Huh….I was playing around with one of these work terminals. This is my second time today messing around with it. There is a profile of me, but for some reason I can not access it. IT is working on it. Not that anything is wrong in the profile. Dusty Windswept Sweeps, brown mane, tan coat, brown eyes, cheery smile, friendly. ...ok that last part is not in the profile, but I’d add it if I could. The guy in IT says they are working on it. I hope it gets fixed before my orientation tomorrow. Hard to believe I’ve only been in Applewood for a week….

Ha I guess this employee notes section could function as a diary of sorts. Let’s stat this properly:

Dear Diary,

Hi, I’m Dusty Sweeps. I grew up in Bucklyn, Manehatten. My mom and dad were great parents. They didn’t even care that I dropped out of high school. To be fair, I was suspended before I graduated, I just opted not to go back.

It all started when I got my cutie mark. I was a late bloomer as they say. Not sure who they are or why they say things like that, but they do. Basically, I was a blank flank all through high school. You know once you find your talent it appears, right?

I thought my talent was in acting. I mean I wasn’t so good, but practice makes perfect...right? I was in drama club my freshmen, sophomore, junior, and the beginning of my senior year. I never got any lead parts, a few background roles or “the ensemble”, but my senior year, I wasn’t cast at all. I ended up on the backstage crew. Which brings me back to my cutie mark. I never said what it was. It's a flaming pushbroom.

I got it when I cleaned up backstage after rehearsal. I can apparently clean a room in 10 seconds flat….just friction and air resistance is a thing….so the broom may have caught on fire. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to burn down the auditorium.

When I say I was suspended…..It may have actually been expulsion, same net result. At least I didn’t get arrested for arson. So I hopped on a bus for Applewood. My parents helped me get an apartment near downtown, it was up to me to find a job...and I did. I’m now a custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios. My boss is a very professional stallion named Rubbish Trash-shoot.

Anyways, I gotta go. I need to hit up Mega-Mart before it closes. Um…

Sincerely,
Dusty Sweeps
Custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios

P.S. These notes are private, right? Wouldn't want anypony finding out about my accidental arson….might get me fired.

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Slumlords

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 2 WEEKS, 2 DAYS, 8 MINS, 9 SECS ~

Dear Diary,

Do you think Warmer Mare’s lawyers would help me get out of a rental agreement? Pro bono? No….yeah that’s a pipe dream.

So I got some good news and some bad news.

The good news is I finally found an apartment. I got one at the new Fair Flats building I mentioned earlier. I did mention that here and not on my cousin’s terminal? It's a small little studio apartment trotting distance from work. Rent is as advertised, it's a fair, flat rate. That’s where the bad news comes in...the apartment was not as advertised. Let’s see, the roof leaks, the floor creaks, there’s a terrible draft….oh and the backyard is the Applewood River.

For those not aware, the Applewood River is a pony made structure that cuts its way through the city. It's a failsafe for the rare time Applewood gets rain, the “river” prevents the streets from flooding. When Applewood is sunny, which it almost always is….really not sure why the mayor won’t order any rain from the pegasi...the river is used as….supplementary trash and litter receptacles. Also more than a few shady businesses use it as a cheap sewer...or is it also the sewer. Needless to say, it reeks something awful. Combined with the terrible draft, I haven't been able to sleep in my new apartment. Also the MoP is not a fan of it as it pollutes the ocean.

I’m also up to my eyeballs in extra fees. Sure, RENT is a fair, flat rate, but trash removal is a fee, water is a fee, parking is a fee...I don’t even own a vehicle, yet I got a charge for it...more than once. I’d call management, but calls longer than a minute are a fee, requesting maintenance, is a fee….failure to pay fees at time of rent due….is a LATE FEE!

I’ve ranted this all to Tech….he told me the owners sound like slumlords. They prey on helpless ponies like me...desperate ponies. I just wanted my own place….now I’m back on my cousin’s couch wallowing in debt. Tech looked into the owners….turns out Flim and Flam are known for owning shotty buildings all across Equestria and their allies. Several other “Fair Flats” along with a few office buildings. So they have money. Money to get very good lawyers. I’m stuck paying for this apartment for the next year, but can’t live in it. This sucks.

Maybe I should just pack up and head back east…

Your Bitless Pal,
Dusty Sweeps
Custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Wardrobe Heaven

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 1 WEEK, 4 DAYS, 9 MINS, 10 SECS ~

Dear Diary,

Today was wonderful. I was tasked with cleaning and organizing the wardrobe warehouse. Every costume and piece of clothing ever worn on film, all in one place...well at least films made by Warmer Mares. It was beautiful. Almost made me forget my troubles.

Technically, I’m not supposed to be in there...it's actually Rubbish’s task, but he was busy doing...er...something in his office. So I was tasked with doing it. Rubbish even gave me his ID badge to get in the warehouse. You think anypony would notice if I moved in? Security maybe?

I kinda lost track of time trying on outfits….had to scram when some strange ponies in lab coats came in. Didn’t get everything clean that I was supposed to...I can do it tomorrow. Especially if there is another megaspell drill. It is much easier to do my job with all the ponies rushing off to stables and the like. As long as it's not a real megaspell, I should be fine. Like the Zebras would ever really hit us with one of them...right?

Your Stylin’ Pal,
Dusty Sweeps
Custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Visiting Home

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - MEGASPELL - LAST LOGIN: 2 DAYS, 7 MINS, 20 SECS ~

Dear Diary,

I visited my old apartment today. It was my first time out of the studio in...um...I think about 215 years. Honestly, I have not been there in longer than 200+ years. I think I have another entry from back then about it. Leaky roof, squeaky floors, terrible draft and whatnot. Well long story short, it's now a raider den. So I didn’t make it very far in.

I should have brought the raider looking member of NHS with me. I think his name is Crest? I feel like that’s his name. I really should ask the members of NHS to make entries here...or have them make employee profiles. Though I think I need executive level privileges to do that. Then again Rubbish was able to lock me out of my profile and Tech supposedly had Admin privileges. I'll figure it out later.

I decided to visit my cousin’s place on my way back to the studio...since it was more of a home here in Applewood than Fair Flat’s Apartments. Though abandoned, the terminal they once had was missing...so all the old diary entries that were there are unrecoverable. Which sucks because a lot more of my apartment hunting adventures were on that terminal. Now it's just: I need an apartment, I found one...it sucks, Look wardrobe warehouse! Feels rushed, but whatever.

Speaking of the Wardrobe Warehouse, it's my room at the studio. I think it helped me cope when I became a ghoul...It was a while ago. There might be an old entry about that...unless that was after the power went out. I’ll check….um ...later….

Action offered me one of the Cast Trailers, but I like living in the spacious warehouse surrounded by movie costumes.

That’s all I really have to report. I hope you like my diary so far, RDR.

Your Nostalgic Friend,
Megaspell
Owner/Mascot/Custodian/PR Pony of Nuclear Horseman Studios

P.S. Reading my old entries, I realized I shifted from “Sincerely” to a changed up “Your Friend” as I went on. I sort of started back with “Sincerely” with you RDR….guess it was like getting comfortable writing about my life all over again...so from now on expect a themed “Your Friend”....unless you think that’s too cordial as we only just met….If I’m still aground when you read this, let me know….

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Strange Door

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>>Auto Response 1

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Strange Door II: Electric Boogaloo

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Strange Door III: Revenge of the Weirdness

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Work Outing Aftermath

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[File Removed by Order of the MoM]

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[File Removed by Order of the MoM]

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MoM Raid!

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>> Locked Files

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>> RE: Locked Files - Above My Head

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Strange Door IV: A Lost Scope

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Hot Minute Update

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EVERYTHING HURTS!!

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A Slurry of Updates (Pun Intended)

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I Am Dead... Or I Should Be...

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Megaspell

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Last Entry {RECOVERED FILE}

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Factions of the Applewood Wasteland

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>> Auto Response 2

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Slurry is Missing!

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Am I Being Watched?

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The Worst Has Happened...

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//CHATLOG #001 >> Sept09Observer\\

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Meeting and Funeral Aftermath

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A New Roadblock in the Hunt for Answers

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The Plot Thickens...

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>> Warmer Mares Acquisition

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>> RE: Warmer Mares Acquisition

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>> RE: RE: Warmer Mares Acquisition

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>> Seeking Other [Stable] Locations

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TMZ Archive Article #478: Where the Money From Ms. Warmer? (by Newsie Byline)

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If It Were a Radroach It Would Have Bit Us!

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SO ANTICLIMACTIC!

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Just My Luck!

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>> Pitch [Draft 1]

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>> Urban Legends?

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>> RE: Urban Legends?

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>> Back to the Pitch

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>> Who is Three Act?

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>> RE: Who is Three Act?

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>> RE: RE: Who is Three Act?

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>> The Glowmare Pitch

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>> The Glowmare

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Glowmare.REIF

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Thoughts on Glowmare + Rescan

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Full Disclosure

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8 Letters Back

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Employee Profile: Dusty Sweeps

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: ------- ~

Employee ID: 31345
Full Name: Dusty Windswept Sweeps
Preferred Name: Dusty Sweeps
Gender: F
Mane/tail: Brown
Coat: Tan
Cutie Mark: [upload picture]
Eyes: Brown
Birthday: 03/13/1020
Age: 18
Picture: [upload picture]

Department: 4. Custodial
Superior: Rubbish Trash-shoot

[Save] [Edit]

{Sorry you are not authorized to edit this page, please contact system admin}

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

>> RE: Profile Problems

RE: Profile Problems

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 3 HOUR ~

To: Dusty Sweeps
From: Technical Excess

RE: Profile Problems

Dusty,

Strange. This is the first time I have seen this issue. It even gives me the error message and in theory I should have admin access. Know we are working on fixing it.

As to the other question, it might seem odd, but a cutie mark is unique to a pony as a hoofprint. In some parts of Applewood Cutie Mark stamps are used in place of a signature. Though I understand the awkwardness, HR had a fit when such a section was added. Once we get your profile unlocked, Talk with All Set in the prop department, he can paint you a picture and get it scanned into the terminal. Tell him “Techy Wecky says pweese" if he refuses.

From,
Technical Excess

P.S. Um...don’t send this to Pony Recourses...they don’t know Set and I are dating...

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Employee Profile: Megaspell

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - MEGASPELL - LAST LOGIN: 1 SEC ~

Employee ID: 31345
Full Name: Dusty Windswept Sweeps
Preferred Name: Megaspell
Race: Earthpony Glowing Ghoul
Gender: F
Mane/tail: Brown
Coat: Tan, with some missing glowy bits
Cutie Mark:
Eyes: Brown and glowy
Birthday: 03/13/1020
Age: Approximately 133
Picture:

Department: ALL OF THEM!
Superior: Action Sans

[Save] [Edit]

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM

Stables and Apartment Hunting

~WELCOME EMPLOYEE ID 31345 - DUSTY SWEEPS - LAST LOGIN: 1 WEEK, 1 DAY, 3 MINS, 1 SEC ~

Dear Diary,

Whew, I have a lot of tasks to do around the studio...so I haven’t been able to make a new entry. Doesn’t help that the Warmers don’t let us log into these accounts from home. The family I’m staying with has a Terminal, but I want my entries to be in one place. Might make a few posts there, but I’ll need a way to transfer them here. If only I could afford to get into one of them stables...then I’d have a Pipbuck.

From what I hear there are 7 in the local area. Word around the water cooler is they are Stable 64, Stable 83, Stable 100, Stable 103, Stable 106, Stable 107, and Stable 109. Though 83 is some celebrity affair...I don’t think I’d qualify..and 106 is only open for Stable-Tec Studios Employees...another no-go for Warmer Mare Studios Employees. Stable 64 is somewhere downtown, but I don’t think I can afford a spot anyways.

IT problem is still a thing, but really it's not important. I need to extend my stay with my cousins, apartment hunting is hard in these troubled times. They are either way out of my price range or have no vacancies. At least my cousins are letting me stay with them...for now. Though a new building is opening walking distance from the studio. I think the billboard said it will be called “Fair Flat Apartments” or something. The slogan was “Fairly sized apartments at a Flat rate.” Which is good news if I get in. I’m only one mare, so even a studio apartment would do, and a seemingly guaranteed flat rate rent would be great. Tech says it's “Too good to be true” and the owners look shifty.

He’s one to talk! He has a house out in Marebank. Renting one would put my great grandchildren in debt, but he says it was his family’s vacation home until his mom decided to stay permanently up in Hoofington. So he stays in a fuging mansion rent free while I struggle to find a place outside crashing on a family member’s couch.

Anyways, I should get back to work before we have another evacuation drill.

Your mostly-homeless pal,
Dusty Sweeps
Custodian at Warmer Mare’s Studios

P.S. I should arrange a time to hang out with both Technical Excess and All Set. Tech is almost always free to hang out, but I’ve yet to actually meet All Set.

STABLE-TEC INDUSTRIES SPELL-MATRIX OPERATING SYSTEM