Photos of Fillies

“—Fuck.”

The words passed my lips, a whisper unhindered as I retreated like an injured dog. I could feel my stomach clenching, an almost fight or flight response, urging at my nerves to get out of here as quickly as my legs could possibly carry me.

I almost did.

My eyes went to the bicycle on the side—sweat sprinkling my brows as I ran the scenarios—If I made a jump for it, I could possibly be on the bicycle and out of here before they even knew what was going on, but that left one thing—One thing a part of me couldn’t forgive myself for if I did.

The rustling of the leaves and the slightly muffled tone of a filly’s panting clamoured at my mind, as if reminding me of what I already knew.

That foal, whoever she was—I hadn’t caught her name and at a time like this I was glad that I hadn’t—was still hiding in there, almost in plain sight. If I didn’t warn her, she’d very likely be found out, and then—A shudder ran up my spine as my mind went to the inevitable conclusion.

‘What were you doing in those bushes?’ they would say. ‘I didn’t know!’ I would try to respond, only to be shot down by the evidence—‘you monster!’ the mother would say. She’d slam her hooves on the table, screaming in my face, tears dripping down her cheeks. ‘We found her just after you left, she was clearly’—she’d sob—‘Violated! We trusted you!’

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end; a tremor running through my spine as my muscles began to lock up. I swallowed the lump in my throat, accepting the only course of action—The only one I could allow.

I stood firm, putting my body between the guards and—from my best memory—the approximate location of the bushes where the foal lay. I was ready. I’d say what I had to. They weren’t going to find her. I’d be sure of that.

The guards had clearly noticed how pale I had become. It almost looked like a flash of concern across the mare’s stoic complexion, but no sooner had it appeared, had it vanished beneath her professional demeanour.

The mare moved to my right, flanking me and cutting off my one escape route as the stallion took a more direct line of questioning. His voice was stern—it almost reminded me of home, of my own father, as he whispered. “We asked you a question, sir. State your business. What are you doing so far out this way?”

The lump in my throat was making its reappearance. I gulped it down and held back my trembling voice. “N-Nothing, officer,” It sounded like a squeak, barely a response in comparison to his deep baritone command.

The mare next to me piped up, her voice rumbling against my eardrums. “Commander, is this not the...” her ears flicked as she averted her eyes and, then, cupping her hoof over her mouth, she leaned into his ear to whisper. I just barely made it out. “...human?”

The stallion’s ears flattened. His eyes narrowed, and I watched him turn to strut, inspecting me as he turned my left side, his tail flicking with... agitation? Was that what it meant?

I turned with him, side-stepping to keep myself in front of them—and away from what I was hiding. They couldn’t get past, but what was I going to do? I couldn’t keep them distracted forever.

“...Indeed,” he said, finally. He went back to his mare’s side and I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. “What do you take to crashing playgrounds, human?” He smirked. “Do it often?”

“Wha—“ I almost tripped, bit my tongue as I flailed. “Wha—No—It was an accident, I didn’t mean t—“

“Hold on, now.” He raised a hoof, chuckling as he did so. The mare beside him similarly had to cover her mouth with a to hide her own smirk. “We got the security briefing. I’m just pulling your leg, son.”

“O—Oh...” My cheeks flushed red, not in all part of the embarrassment and shame of my arrival taking hold. “Y’mean you’re going to let me go?”

A second roll of laughter and I had my stomach sinking out from under me—at the same time, there was a flutter of motion out of the corner of my eye, the faint crunching of gravel that was drowned out by the stallion guard’s roaring laughter. “Hah!” He slapped my back, almost knocking me off my feet. “Get this, he’s a joker too!”

“Y-you’re not?”

“Of course not!” Wrapping a foreleg over my shoulder, he pulled me down to his level and jabbed me in the chest with the tip of his hoof—a gesture that left a tiny mark of dust on my shirt, not that he cared any—“You’re still up for a hefty fine!”

My eyes widened, and I pulled out of his hold, stumbling slightly as I stepped back away from the pair of ‘guards’—“Wh-why?” It was at that moment I noticed another movement, this time more distinct, as a shadow emerged from under the treeline behind the two guards—a cloaked figure I hadn’t managed to make out yet. “W-What kind of fine?”

“You’re not aware that it’s illegal to block the roads with your trash?” He shared a glance with the mare, who was giving him a harsh look—then looking back to me, his tone softened slightly. “Okay, we understand this is not really a oft-travelled path, but the law’s the law... I’m sorry.”

The figure shifted and turned, revealing more of itself behind the stallion’s backs—or rather herself. My chest tightened and my breathing quickened as a familiar pink filly—the devil herself—revealed from the shadows.

She was crouching... staring. Watching.

The stallion’s words barely registered as my eyes widened, my mouth going dry as I watched her, intently, consumed by the sight of the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life—and yes, that does include ‘getting sucked into an alternate reality filled with talking pastel equines from TV’.

Her coat appeared freshly-groomed, though she hid most of it beneath the brown of her thick robe, which was adorned with several twigs and branches, dried leaves that made it look like she’d been trudging through the outback, and yet not a hair was disturbed.

Had she really been following me all this time? How did I not notice?

That was a lie. I knew somepony had to have been following me. The itching on my neck had practically turned into a veracious burning—I could swear I tasted green as she slowly reached into her robe.

Her eyes never left mine as the tiara’d tyrant pulled out a silver object dangling from a ribbon secured around her neck. I watched as her grin grew, revealing the pearly whites of her teeth as she raised the object to her lips, inhaling as she did so.

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I felt like deer in the headlights, frozen, unable to do anything as my mind tried to process what I was seeing. Over the shoulder of a golden-clad royal guard, a filly was eyeing me as she lifted the whistle to her lips and—

I screamed. “NO!”—Throwing up my hands, | immediately regretted my decision as the guards both jolted to attention. Broken from their friendly demeanour, they were all over me like a crazed felon—the mare practically tackled me from the side as the stallion’s eyes flashed from astonishment to concern.

He was about to turn around—His ears perked to the rustling of the bushed behind him, and in the seconds that followed I caught glimpse of the filly in the shadows lower the whistle—her grin just as ferocious as ever—as she gestured a silent “shhhh...” my way.

My stomach dropped—so did the penny—as I realised what her plan was. The fact of the matter was only driven home by how she slunk further into the shade, until the only thing I could make out was the darkened silhouette of her cloak and the whites of her teeth, until finally those too began to fade.

“Uh—I—” I cleared my throat.

The stallion’s ears perked back to me. I could sense the air had thickened—it hung over me like a dense fog---or maybe it was the grip of this mare—I could feel the tips of her hooves dig into my skin as she forced me to my knees, and the stallion loomed over me, every sense of his previous, light-heartedness, gone for good. ”What was that?” he said.

“I—Uh—“ I spluttered, coughing—“S-Sorry, I thought there was—“

“If I may interject, Paprika—” The mare spoke right over me. Her armour clattered loudly as she stepped closer, her right hoof not leaving my side—if anything, her grip only strengthened. “You don’t think it’s a little suspicious that we happened to find this human all the way out here, in the middle of nowhere, alone?”

I gulped. I tried to stand, or at least let off the pressure of the stones on my legs, but the mare was having none of that. Paprika—I assumed that was his name, eyed me again.

He nodded solemnly. “She’s right,” he said.

“L-Listen, this is all a misunder—“

“Don’t give us any of that horseapples,” she spat and swore. Paprika saddled up closer. He his eyes level with mine and jabbed a hoof into my chest—A sudden and very sharp pain rang through my ribcage as he ground the nib into my chest. His eyes narrowed as he did so, glowering. “Only ponies with a home or a mission are willing to venture out this far to the Everfree.

He clicked his tongue.

“Now I’m a nice stallion. I like to think that I can be fair, Celestia forbid we become like the Night Guard, so I’m going to give you one chance: Tell me what you saw behind me.”

“I-It was nothing—“ I had to suppress the trembling in my voice, My entire body was growing sweaty and disorderly, and it was getting harder and harder to not grasp at the straps of my satchel—I couldn’t let them get ahold of that, or get past me, or—“I—I just saw a...a thing and it was going to...”

A rustling of leaves; maybe it was the wind that had picked up, but my eyes momentarily darted to the bushed behind me. Of course there was nothing that had changed, but that didn’t stop the guard from jumping on me for that—

He cut me off, pressed his muzzle against my nose as he stared into my eyes. “What are you hiding?” he whispered, like a deathly sigh.

“N—” I was out of breath. I was almost hyperventilating, shaking, as the guard leered over me. “N-Nothing, I swear! There was nothing behind you! I didn’t see anything—I-it was just a prank!” I managed to blurt out.

Silence.

“...”

The guard’s expression was blank. I couldn’t read a single bead on him.

“You’d prank an officer?” he whispered, eventually.

I hesitantly nodded. Dear Celestia, Luna, whatever gods out there that doesn’t already hate my guts, please let the prison cell be empty. “... yes?”

There was a snort and a muffled guffaw. “Pfft—“ The mare’s grip listened as she moved to cover her mouth. “Ppfft—He got you good, Papi.”

Paprika’s face flushed a deep red and he stumbled backwards with an indignant groan. “For Celestia’s sake, Poprocks!” He facehoofed. My mouth dropped and I could only watch in astonishment—confusing astonishment—as the former battle-hardened rogue flipped characters like the edge of a dime. “We’re on duty! I told you not to call me that!”

“I-I’m sorry!” Poprocks shouted. Suppressing her own laughter, she said: “But even I could tell what was going on!”

“You’ve been enlisted for a week!”

“Five days!” she corrected, “Come on, you’ve seen the Princess’ reports! Do you honestly believe“—I ducked as she swung a hoof my way—Metal and face do not mix, believe you me—“He is one of the Marefia?”

“Marefia?”

They both ignored me as Paprika shot back: “They could have enrolled him!”

“Why would they hire a giant, lumbering, hairless ape for their covert ops unit?”

At this, Paprika frowned. He offered a hoof. “Well, they did hire Iron Will.”

“For like five minutes!”—Now it was Poprocks’ turn to facehoof. She sighed through her teeth. “L-Listen, let’s just—Let’s just collect the fine and be on our way. We can’t be late for another assignment this week.”

Paprika rolled his eyes. “F-Fine,” he said, at which point both ponies turned their attention back to me.

I jolted slightly, sitting up straight as the feeling of both sets of eyes scrutinizing me set me back on edge. “Uhm...”

Paprika pulled out a notebook and a pencil which he flipped over in his mouth, and then quickly scribbled something out onto the first page. Then, dropping the pencil, he tore off the page and passed the carbon negative to his partner—Subordinate? At this point I wasn’t really sure what kind of relationship these two had—whilst also passing the original over to me.

“Here,” he said, as he shoved the slip into my hands. “It’s a five-thousand cubits fine for the littering, plus an extra thousand for wasting our time.”—The garnered a silent glare from Poprocks, but she remained silent nonetheless.

Paprika continued: “You can pay it now, or you can bring the bits to town hall where you can explain the situation to Mayor Mare.”

The Mayor? I swallowed the lump in my throat. The hair on the back of my neck prickled at the thought of being dragged to the mayor’s office in town hall and having to explain everything in front of everyone there. Did Princess Sparkle attend these things? I didn’t know—it was all new to me.

“I-It’s okay—” I glanced at the slip—His mouth-writing was like that of a toddler—a very gifted toddler that was able to write with their teeth, but a toddler nonetheless. I could sense his eyes burrowing into my scalp, as if he was waiting for me to comment on his writing abilities, so I hurried along and located the amount.

True to his words: six-thousand cubits was scrawled on the dotted line, with a signature of his cutie mark beneath.

I quickly reached into my satchel and dug out the leather pouch from the bottom, loosening the ties as I counted out six bits, and held it out. “H-Here. Is this the right—“

He snatched the coins from my palm, counted them out again and nodded, stowing the collection beneath his garment. “That should do it,” said Paprika. Then, with a tort nod to his partner, they both trotted past me, almost shoving as they hurried along their way.

I was left standing, half in shock, and bewilderment as the guards trotted off, back the way I’d come. They paused at the top of the hill, and I quickly averted my gaze to the ground, pretending to tie my shoes, and when I looked up again I caught the final glimpse of them galloping into the distance towards the clearing near Fluttershy.

“Well that was certainly something,” I whispered to myself, half grateful I’d even survived.