You know one thing about Equestria is how beautiful it is. I just can't understand how such a beautiful place focused on harmony, love, and equality could have a culture that's so ugly. Maybe it's the herd mentality combined with the primal fears of a prey animal. I've been here for almost a year and I've seen these ponies treat each other with more kindness on a daily basis than I'd see on Earth in a decade. They just don't seem to extend these same courtesy's to something they're too scared to understand.
I'm Anon and I'm a human. I went to sleep one night and woke up surrounded by armored ponies on a bench in the Canterlot Castle courtyard. Since then I've befriended a handful of colorful ponies and they've tried to help me overcome these feelings I've had since I realized I'd never see anyone I loved or cared for ever again. They've been quite unsuccessful. Don't get me wrong those nine ponies have helped so much, if it weren't for them I probably would've been in this situation months ago. Ah right, my current situation, I'm currently sitting on a balcony in the castle that overlooks the everfree forest and ponyville and has about 12,000 feet of air between it and the ground at the bottom of the mountain Canterlot pokes out of. Seriously it's a city built in to the side of a mountain, insane right? It's currently twilight out and the sky is a wonderous mix of red, orange, purple and pink. Every sunset here is beautiful. I think I'm happy with this being the last one I ever see. My thoughts are racing as I walk up to the railing. Those mares have helped me so much but they can't help or hide the contempt and fear and DISGUST-
"Oh, Anon there you are! The girls and I have been looking for you. The last train to Ponyville is leaving soon, so they decided to go on without you. They figured you'd probably catch the train in the morning." Twilight Sparkle says interrupting my train of thought and makes me stumble as I was starting to climb up onto the edge.
"You aren't going with them? What, you don't think I can find my way back?" I reply.
"No, it's not that.. it's just you've seemed off our entire trip, and I was worried about you. Something in the back of my head told me I couldn't leave without you." Of course it did. Making this decision was already the hardest thing I've ever done. Life just needed to throw another obstacle in my way. Twilight is probably the smartest creature I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She's a purple pony that has a horn and wings, they call them alicorns here. She's the living embodiment of magic and is crowned as the "Princess of Friendship." I thought it was a load of shit when I first got here, but after spending the last few months in her Crystal Castle in Ponyville I am now inclined to believe in that title. She's become one of the best friends I could ever ask for, which is why this is suddenly a lot harder.
"Well, Twilight, thanks for worrying but I just got caught up in the view. Luna and Celestia really made it beautiful tonight. If we head over now we can probably still make the train before it leaves." I state flashing her the best smile I can muster hoping, praying that she buys it.
"Are you sure you're ok? I don't mind listening Anon." She didn't buy it. "And no, we don't have to catch the last train, I'm a princess I can have a chariot drawn for us to fly back." She preemptively shuts down my excuse to block her out. "It's ok not to be ok."
Fuck. I don't know if it's her tone of voice or if it's everything I've been bottling up inside, but tears start running down my face while I try to stammer out a response. "Today was just hard Twilight. Canterlot has a lot more ponies than Ponyville. More eyes. More looks. Its easier to deal with the looks in Ponyville when there aren't as many and I have the safety of the castle to retreat into. It's already bad enough that I can never go home, but when they look at me with that fear and disgust that leaves me feeling empty and worthless inside it just becomes too much. The guilt I feel from making you and your friends associate yourself with me, and the burden I know I am to all of you for constantly being there for me… I just think it'd be better for everyone if I wasn't here anymore."
"Anon…." I can hear that she's choking up in her voice at that bombshell I just dropped on her. "I knew you were depressed about your home, but I didn't know you were struggling with all of this. I won't lie to you, when you first came with me to Ponyville there were looks of fear. Nopony had ever seen something like you and they didn't know what to think, but those looks now aren't fear, it's worry. We all worry about you. You don't come out much and recently you've been eating less too. We all want you to be happy. You don't have to shoulder all of this on your own! Me, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Starlight, and the Princesses aren't burdened by being there for you, that's called friendship and it's a weight we're happy to bear for you."
I hear a loud pop behind me as I turn to look at her and before I can I'm tackled by Twilight. She teleported over the empty air in front of the balcony and flew into me. The alicorn princess is laying on me and crying into my neck as she practically screams, "Please don't leave us!"
I wrap my arms around her barrel and pull her closer to my chest. "I guess I must have been pretty stupid to think no one would care or miss me. I'm sorry Twilight, it's just so heavy. I don't know what's wrong with me, but when I look at any of those ponies that look is all I can see."
"You're not stupid! You just need help Anon. Please let us help you."
"You make it sound so easy, if I knew how to be helped I don't think I would've been seconds away from jumping off this balcony."
She sniffles a bit and looks up from my neck into my eyes. "Don't you feel a little better now that you've talked to me and let it all out?"
She has pretty eyes. "No, I just feel even worse all I've done is make you cry…" I stop talking as I realize, "It does feel a little lighter."
Twilight gets off of me and helps me up. "It's never good to let everything bottle up inside you Anon, and I know all those feelings aren't gone after just one conversation. But, I know a good therapist here in Canterlot, she helped with some anxiety issues when I was a foal. It'd mean a lot to me if you'd make an appointment with her."
I don't know anything about pony therapists, but last time I went to a human therapist they didn't really help much. I really don't like the idea of opening up to some random stranger-
"Please." She interrupts my train of thought.
"Will you come with me?"
She gives me a warm smile and says "Of course, Anon. I already told you…
We can share the weight."
Author's Note
Wrote this on my phone and don't know how to indent. Sorry about the formatting, tried my best. Ive been on this site a long time and finally had a very strong urge to write something.
I was once Anon, and there have been plenty of people like Anon in this story. Not all of them had a Twilight. Please if you need help, get help.
It's ok not to be ok.
