So many years had passed, and still it had not gotten any easier.
Celestia slowly trotted through the empty streets of Canterlot, staring up at the night sky, dark thoughts clouding her head. Normally, she wouldn't let the night bother her, but tonight, with the full moon staring down at her, she could not escape the feeling of being watched.
Watched...and judged.
Almost a thousand years, and Celestia found she could not forgive herself.
Sometimes the burden of her crown seemed so heavy.
Always on the nights of the full moon, she could not bring herself to sleep, which lead to her habit of nighttime wanderings.
Sometimes the walks helped ease her guilt, helped her forget.
Sometimes.
Tonight though, something else grabbed her attention. A noise, muffled, but she could still recognize it.
It was the sound of a young filly, crying.
Celestia wondered for a moment if she should investigate, some ponies did not appreciate other ponies intruding on private manner, but her curiosity got the better of her.
Following the noise, Celestia found herself headed in the direction of a small home housing a very special pony.
Twilight Sparkle, the young unicorn filly with incredible magic talent she had recently taken on as a protege.
Cautiously, she stepped up to the door and listened. Yes, it was definitely Twilight crying. She found herself hesitating again, should she really intrude upon her student's privacy? The sound was certainly muffled, Twilight obviously didn't want to be heard.
"I took her on as my personal student," she said to herself. "While she's here in Canterlot, her happiness is my responsibility." Her worries resolved, she slowly pushed open the door.
The first thing she realized about the small room was how neat and orderly everything was. the carpet in the entryway was lined up perfectly with the door frame with no trace of dirt or grime anywhere. The curtains on the windows had been set up until they were in perfect symmetry with each other. Even the books on her small shelf seemed to arranged by size and color. A small, rather raggedy, doll sat on top of shelf, almost as a guardian for the books, a tiny notebook and pencil precariously perched in its felt hooves.
It was all this order that made one spot of chaos in the room so much more noticeable.
A bed stood at the edge of the room, at it appeared to have been ransacked. The sheets had been thrown haphazardly all over the place, nearly every pillow had been shoved to the floor, and in the center of the madness sat one small purple filly, her head buried in the last remaining pillow in an attempt to stifle her own tears.
"Twilight?" Celestia asked, trying to get her student's attention, Twilight hadn't even noticed her walking through the door. Hearing the voice, her head shot upwards. Seeing the princess, a look a pure shock and horror covered her face.
"Princess Celestia? Oh no!" She quickly tried to rub her eyes, so red from crying, but it was useless, the tears refused to stop. "I'm so sorry, I didn't want to wake anypony! I tried to be quiet, but I just couldn't. I thought about seeing if one of my books had anything, but I know they don't because I already read them all!" Twilight sniffed, a few more tears glistening in the corners of her eyes.
"Don't worry Twilight," Celestia quickly assured her, "You didn't wake anypony, I was just taking a midnight stroll. Besides, I think at this moment, it's you we should be worried about." Celestia knelt down next to the bed, hoping to try and calm Twilight down.
"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" She asked gently.
"I...I don't know," was all Twilight could say after a moments hesitation.
"You don't know?" Celestia wondered, confused.
"Well, there's no reason for me to be sad! I mean, first I passed my magic test by hatching that egg, met you, and got my cutie mark. And then, you invited me to be your personal student and gave me this amazing room. Everything was just...perfect." Celestia couldn't stop the small smile from forming on her face. She had suspected Twilight's incredible magical talent and had purposefully changed the test to include the dragon egg. Of course, now the palace had a baby dragon to deal with with.
"The first few days were so amazing, but tonight, before I went to bed, I saw this," Twilight continued, showing Celestia a small framed picture she had next to her on the bed. It was a picture of two smiling adult ponies, who Celestia recognized as Twilight's parent. "I started thinking about mom and dad, and then I just started crying." She rubbed her eyes again, to no avail.
"Oh Twilight," Celestia murmured, moving a bit closer to the sad filly. She didn't know what to do in this situation. She was woefully unprepared when in came to talking to younger ponies, her royal duties took up any possible time she could use for practice.
"Why don't you tell me about your parents?" Celestia offered. "I talked to them a bit before you came here, but I never really got to know them." She hoped that by getting Twilight talking, it would take her mind off of being sad.
"Oh, um...okay," Twilight sniffed and took another look at the picture. "Well...dad always tries to act tough around me...I think he wants me to think he's cool, but he's really just a big softy. Mom always said that he was going to spoil me, but he'd always smile, like it was some inside joke of theirs." A little smile appeared on her face, it looked like Celestia's plan was working.
"Mom was the tough one, though she would never admit it. If dad went shopping she would always have to go with him, or he'd always overpay for the groceries, he never really understood how haggling worked," a small chuckle escaped Twilight's mouth. "Of course Dad was always the calm one, so he could get mom to relax if somepony annoyed her too much. Everypony said they were perfect together."
"They're amazing parents too. They would always be there to tuck me in at night, and then mom would sing to me, and if there was time dad would get a book and read it to me. It was so wonderful..." Her smile grew wider, then immediately dropped off her face, her tears returning full force, streaming down her face. "Oh...I'm s-sorry princess..." She buried her head back in the pillow.
"There is nothing to be sorry for Twilight," Celestia consoled, finally realizing what was making Twilight cry. "You just miss your parents, you're homesick."
"Homesick? But I haven't even been gone that long, and it's not like I'm going to be gone forever," Twilight argued, then quickly covered her mouth when she realized she was disagreeing with the princess.
Celestia let out a lighthearted chuckle to let her know not to worry.
"You don't have to be gone long to miss something, and it sounds like your home was something very special," Celestia explained.
"But still, I'm your special student. I can't afford to be sad about anything! I need to focus on studying so I don't let you down!" Twilight said. Celestia paused for a moment.
"Twilight, lets go for a walk," She announced.
"A walk, why?" Twilight asked, confused.
"Well, though my many years I've found that long walks can help ease the mind. Also, since it looks like neither of us will get any sleep tonight, I think we should take the chance to see the wonder of Canterlot at night. And finally, my legs are falling asleep from kneeling here so long," Celestia finished with a coy smile. she was happy to see this bring a small laugh out of Twilight.
"O-okay princess," Twilight replied, sniffling a little as she climbed off of the bed. Celestia stood up, stretching her legs before leading Twilight outside. Almost immediately, Twilight began taking in the sights of the beautiful city, bereft of any other ponies.
"There are many wondrous places to see in this city, but I have the feeling that the place you'd most like to see is the Library, am I right?" Celestia guessed, slowly trotting through the cobbled streets.
"Oh yes princess, I've been wanting to go there, but I've been so busy studying new spells that...oh, whatever happened to the dragon I hatched from my magic test?" Twilight suddenly asked.
"We've been keeping him at the castle for now, and it's been quite a chore taking care of him. We've never seen a baby dragon before. The first job was trying to figure out what he would eat. I had the chefs cook up a meal with any kind of foods he could think of. We placed the baby dragon in front of the banquet, and you won't believe what happened next," Celestia paused, waiting for Twilight's response.
"Oh no, did he refuse all of the food?" Twilight worried.
"Not at all, the little guy ate every single piece of food, he didn't even leave any crumbs left. You should have seen the look on our chef's face! He said it was almost painful to see that much wonderful food gobbled down by someone who couldn't even appreciate its flavor," another small chuckle. That had been quite a day, she had even issued a royal apology for the chef. Twilight seemed to get caught up in the mood as well, a smile gracing her face. But then the two of them turned the corner...
And were given a brilliant view of the full moon.
Celestia's mood immediately darkened. Twilight was about to comment on the view, but caught the disturbed expression on the princess's face and quickly shut her mouth. Seeing this, Celestia let out a small sigh of frustration.
"Twilight, earlier you told me you couldn't afford to be sad...well the truth is, you can't think like that," Celestia told her.
"Princess?" Twilight replied.
"It's not healthy to block out your feelings, besides, your sadness only shows how much you love your family, doesn't it?" The princess explained.
"I guess so, they are pretty wonderful after all," Twilight admitted.
"Exactly...the fact is, long ago, I made a mistake with somepony I loved very dearly, and I have had to live with my sadness every day since," Celestia said, her gaze intently on the moon.
"A mistake?" Twilight asked, her tone showing her disbelief that Celestia could ever make a mistake.
"I am not perfect Twilight, please don't ever think that about me. It was that sort of thinking that led to my mistake. Just please listen to me. You can't ignore your sadness, it would be just the same as ignoring your family's love. Do you understand my student?" Celestia pulled her eyes away from the moon, giving Twilight a smile. She was afraid her tone had carried a hint of anger for her past mistakes.
"I...think I understand princess. But do think you think it would be okay for me to send a letter to my parents?" Twilight asked hesitantly.
"I think that's a wonderful idea, I'm sure your parents would be very happy to hear from you. That is actually part of what I was going to say next. While you should accept your sadness, that is no reason for you not to do everything in your power to fix it," Celestia said happily.
"So does that mean..." Twilight paused, them seemed to gather her resolve. "Does that mean you've fixed your own mistake?" Celestia stopped, stunned by the question.She took a deep breath before looking down at Twilight, so young, so innocent, and so very powerful.
"Not yet, but I have been doing everything I can, it's just taken longer than I hoped. But don't worry about that, look, it seems you're feeling better," Celestia motioned with her hoof at twilight's face. Her tears had finally stopped.
"You're right!" Twilight exclaimed. "Oh thank you princess!" She gave a small hug to one of Celestia's front legs before pulling back, embarrassed.
"So do you think you're ready to go back to sleep now? I get the feeling you'll have quite a bit of studying tomorrow," Celestia asked.
"Oh yes princess...but," a short pause, "do you think you could stay with me, for just a little bit? I'm worried that I might get sad again, but if you're there, I know I won't." She explained meekly. Celestia was surprised, but after thinking about it for a few moments, she could see no reason not to.
"It would be my pleasure," she said with a bow of her head.
They turned and headed back to Twilight's home, and as they walked Celestia noticed her eyelids dropping lower and lower, to the point where Celestia was worried Twilight might collapse in the street and she would have to carry her the rest of the way.
But they made it back, barely. Twilight practically crawled into bed, using the last bit of her energy to magically bring the pillows back on and to pull the sheets up to her chin.
"G'night princess," she murmured, her breath soon falling into the easy rhythm of sleep.
"Good night, and sweet dreams...my little pony," she added at the end, surprising herself at how affectionate she sounded. Again, she knelt down next to the bed, this time, looking out of the window at the moon.
The feelings of sadness and guilt were still there, would always be there. But tonight, talking to Twilight had made her remember the deep love those feelings had sprang from.
"Oh my sister, I promise, I will see you again," her gaze fell back to the sleeping filly, and she found herself feeling weary as well. Perhaps she could stay here, for the night. She felt her head lowering onto the soft bed as her eyes closed, her last vision was of the moon.
So bright, so beautiful.
Sweet dreams, for the both of us.
