Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.
"Uhhhh..." the pony in front of the counter stared at the menu. "I'll have two number nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two nu--"
"Ma'am," Scootaloo groaned. "Ma'am, what are you even ordering?"
The mare blinked glancing at the filly behind the counter, then back to the menu. "Bah, I'll just take one of those Popeyes chicken sammiches."
"Ma'am, this is a Wendy's. We don't sell those here."
"Fine. I'll have an ice cream. Or are your machines broken again?"
"That's McDonalds. This is a Wendy's."
The mare rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath about getting the manager. Luckily for Scootaloo, she was the manager... though only for a chance to get a cutie mark in fast service. Or something. Actually, she really didn't know what she was doing running a Wendy's in the middle of Ponyville.
"Whatever. Do you have chicken sandwiches or not?"
"Y̙͠e̦̟̫̪̗̺͒̔̆͐̏s̝͐.̆ͪ҉͔̰͉͈"
"THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE?! I DEMAND A CHICKEN SANDWICH, NOW!"
The things she did to get a cutie mark... maybe she should've joined Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle in building trebuchets to ~~pillage Canterlot~~ throw pumpkins at hay bales.
"Hhhhhfine, what name would you like on the order?"
"Karen. Short for Karma Endangered. I don't know why that's my name."
Plot twist: Karen's karma endangered. That's why that's her name.
"Alright, it'll take a minute or two before your order's ready."
Scootaloo watched Karen wander away to who she assumed were her kids. She turned around to yell the order, but then she remembered that she was working alone 'cause she thought that running a restaurant would be fun like those restaurant simulator games but noooo it's most definitely not like a restaurant simulator game because holy buck were the customers more annoying and--
Right. Chicken sandwich.
Scootaloo felt a pulse on her flanks, followed by a flash of light.
"Oh, no no no--" she froze, slowly turning her head to see the cutie mark she'd just earned. "OH HAY NO."
Her cutie mark was a chicken sandwich?! How lame was that? Maybe she could tell Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle that it was a chicken sandwich butt tattoo or something... no, they'd still laugh just as much.
A shudder ran down her spine. What would Rainbow Dash think of it?
"Your service is absolutely abysmal!" Karen shouted from the counter. "WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER?!"
Scootaloo turned around, dramatically taking off the sunglasses that suddenly appeared on her face. "I am the manager."
Karen gasped. "No!"
"AW YEAH!" the Kool-Aid man crashed through the wall.
"Great," Scootaloo groaned. "Now I have to fix a wall, too. Anyway, Karen, chicken sandwich. I'll get one for ya."
She scooted into the kitchen and threw together a chicken sandwich. Seemed simple enough. But, because this story is a boring mess of dead memes and blah, let's spice things up a little.
...And no, I don't mean substituting in a spicy chicken sandwich instead.
Karma Endangered was about to encounter the full might of the Chicken Sandwich Yeet Cannon MKII.
"IT'S HIGH TIME WE ACT LIKE OUR TWITTER PROFILE HERE AT WENDY'S!" Scootaloo hollered, firing a chicken sandwich squarely at the mare. "I GOT A CUTIE MARK IN CHICKEN SANDWICHES BECAUSE OF YOU AND I'M GONNA ABUSE IT."
Also, at some point or another the Yeet Cannon ran out of chicken sandwiches to fire so Scoots here decided to stuff the darn thing full of fries. Now it's the French Fry Machine Gun.
"I'LL CALL UPPER MANAGEMENT!" Karen screeched as she dodged another deluge of fries, "I'LL MAKE THEM SHUT THIS PLACE DOWN AND KICK YOU TO THE CURB!"
"CALLING IN THE ICBM!" Scootaloo hollered over Karen before slamming her hoof on a button.
"Hiya, Scoots!" Apple Bloom opened the door. "Me and Sweetie just got our cutie marks in trebuchet mecha-- holy buck DID YOU JUST CALL IN OUR ICBM?!"
"Yup."
Sweetie Belle poked her head in, looking between Scootaloo and her Yeet Cannon, and Karen the rude customer mare.
"Yeahhhh... I'm gonna stay out of this."
And so Sweetie Belle was never heard from again. Goodbye, Sweetie Belle! jk jk she went home and watched Dr. Phil.
A siren began to blare over the building, because that's what happens when big bad bomb is coming. I think. But guess what? This ICBM isn't a bomb! What did you think? That the CMC had the capability of assembling, hiding, and deploying a weapon of mass destruction? Well... yes, but actually, no. They do have the capability, but they don't have the bomb. How is that possible?
A small tank burst through the same wall as the Kool-Aid man from earlier. A cat wearing absolutely stunning sunglasses and a suit popped out of the top.
"Important Cat Business Machine!" Scootaloo yelled, pointing a hoof at the mare who'd been bugging her, "Attack!"
The cat meowed. Normally, this would be a pretty normal normal event of normality, because it is a normal thing for a cat to meow in a very normal fashion. However, this was not a normal circumstance for the cat to meow in, and so a decidedly not normal thing happened instead.
Karen and the kids, which were very much obviously goats painted pastel colors, were subsequently launched by the explosion from one ABSOLUTE UNIT of a 'business machine'.
And with that, the Important Cat Business Machine rumbled away, leaving little remaining of the restaurant's structure. The Important Cat's business here was done. The Panzer of the Lake shall return to its resting place, and the cat shall resume its business elsewhere.
As for Karen and the kids she took, they were nowhere to be found.
"So," Apple Bloom began again, "Me and Sweetie Belle got our cutie marks in siege weaponry! Did you have any luck getting a cutie mark in fast service like you wanted to?"
"Er... yeah, why?"
Apple Bloom's eyes lit up like the headlights that they were. "Really? Can I see it?"
Scoots hesitated for a moment before ~~flashing her flank~~ showing her new cutie mark to her friend.
"It's... it's a chicken sandwich. Like you!"
Scootaloo shook her head, immediately countering. "No, it's just a chicken sandwich butt tatto--wait, what?"
"You're like a chicken, 'cause you don't fly!"
"Yeah, and?"
"~~Man door hand hook car door!~~ When you're on your scooter, you're sandwiched between your helmet and your scooter!"
"What."
"What?"
And then the world exploded. The end.
Author's Note
dead memes dead memes dead memes
This post is brought to you by a bored tonkus stuck at home social distancing-ing(ing...ing?)
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