Short Stories

by MyNameHere

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Romance
Length: 1039

Made with Concentrated Stupid™. Expect adult humor and gratuitous innuendo usage.

Made with Concentrated Stupid™. Expect adult humor and gratuitous innuendo usage.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-29 07:24:02 UTC

Story One: Human In Equestria

Short Stories That Shouldn't Exist

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Story One

Human In Equestria

A mini MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Tytyvm

You woke up. Your head was pounding. Your temples felt like a mix between train meets bunny and alcohol meets stupidity. Probably closer to the latter. But that doesn't account for the snow white alicorn seated across from you in the hot tub.

Your neck had apparently been bent back, so when it was lifted up and forward, the momentum kept it moving. And for that reason, you were now looking down at your nicest ⚊dry-clean only⚊ suit, soaking up water like a towel in a rainstorm. All that aside, you manage to right your view to stare across at the hors-... oh god damn it, that’s Celestia isn’t it? Well, this is just romantic. That is, if the look of divine shock and utter befuddlement emanating from her features was any reference. Yup, this was pretty bucked up, wasn’t it? Heh. You made a punny.

Your head drifted and dipped to the left. Bringing into sight a beautiful glass of red wine. Drunkenly lifting the glass to your lips, you take a healthy swig, and proceed to let your arm, along with the rest of the drink, fall limp into the bubbly pool of water.

Breathing out a large and over exaggerated sigh, you snap your head back towards the white mare...god...thing. She flinches at the sudden movement. You’re not really sure how to react to what’s in front of you.

For one, you’re in a beautiful, white marble room. There’s not really any utilities in your immediate vision, so you’d have to guess this is some some sort of spa. The dimmed lighting, along with the fact that the air is filled with a thick mist of steam, seems to reassure you of that assumption.

And in the middle of this? A nude Celestia. Now, at first you didn’t think much of that fact. But after closer examination, it finally hit you. Her coat is slicked down, not clumped, but just glistening like a model covered in oil. Not to mention her mane was being weighed down heavily with moisture, causing the unruly thing to hide one of her eyes in a highly suggestive manner.

Yup. One of those beautiful, magenta, sparkling, constricted, confused, and fearful eyes.

If there was a way to play this moment off smoothly, you’d missed it sometime around holding a gaze in her direction and subsequently having this inner monologue. Oh yes. There was no getting out of this awkwardness now. What could poss-

You at least expected to have been able to finish that sentence, but... well, at the moment, you had one of the strangest bo-

She stared at you, and you stared right back. If there was ever such a thing as an uncomfortable staring contest, it was this. She looked scared, you looked drunk, and this wasn’t even Japenese hentai.

It was a few moments later when Celestia chose to address the proverbial elephant in the room. “Wh-what are you doing in my private bath?!”

Oh right. The proverbial elephant in the room was you. Joy.

You groan at the sudden loudness molesting the inside of your ears. Your arms and soggy suit coat move up to ineffectively deflect the sound. In a fit of rage you bitch-slap the air in her direction. “Please, not so loud,” you mumble out sagely.

“Ar-are you... hung over?” She retorts, as if the most scandalous thing had just been revealed to her virgin mind.

You chose to simply flop around in the water, trying to escape her siren like voice.

By the time you’d halfway drowned yourself in a pool of heated liquid, the mare had grabbed you by the suitcoat and dragged your sorry bum out of danger. Right before blacking out, you took a moment to reflect on the situation.

You still had one of the strangest bo-

You wake up...again. Albeit, this time you feel rested instead of smashed over the head like a piñata. How do you know what that feels like? Let’s just say a concussion never tasted so good.

On that note, you begin to rustle out from underneath some sheets. Your amazingly average body being unveiled to the light filled room. You sit in the middle of a far-too-extravagantly designed bed. The red, silk threads caressed your body like only a pedofile could appreciate. Along the walls hung expensive looking pieces of aged pony art. To your immediate left laid Luna. To your rig- why is Luna on the bed? You just stare at her sleeping form. The dark blue hairs almost glowing in the evening sun. You can’t help but reach out and stroke her starry mane.

After a few seconds of that, you knew you needed more. You began running your fingers through her god-like back-hair, even scratching her behind the ears. Her moans echoed through the room, eliciting her to rollover, exposing her delicate underside. You didn’t know if you’d ever get this chance again. What you did next would leave a generation in shock.

You thrusted your face into her glorious blue chest jungle and nuzzled it like the winner you knew you were. The feeling of her fur against your face was too much to handle. Swimming in happiness, you snuggled-up to the pony goddess like a newborn pup.

Hardly a moment later, two midnight-blue hooves pulled you into a loving hug. Needless to say, your jimmies were rustled. How dare she be so cute?

But alas, the two creature slumber party wasn’t meant to last. The heavy wooden door open and closed softly. Celestia had snuck in, and was now looking at the scene before her in complete disbelief.

“Luna! You’re getting groaped again!” She screamed.

Your eyes popped open in shock, “Wait! I can expl-”

“Without me!”

“...What.”

“He really does give one of the best petting massages~” Came a sing song voice from your left.

Thus, you now found yourself confused and wondering why your life sounded like the prologue to a bad Human in Equestria fanfiction. But, being honest with yourself, there was only one thing left to say.