Author's Note

Bonus Chapter. (Because you asked for it.)

Shining, We Need to Talk

It had been a long night. Twilight was exhausted and had turned off her alarm to let herself sleep in for a few extra hours. The first rays of dawn streaked through Shining Armor's window. He rolled over to look at the clock on his nightstand. He blinked awake and focused his eyes. There on his nightstand was what looked like a lavender fleshlight.

"Shining, we need to talk."

Shining's eyes went wide as dinner plates and his fur turned a whiter shade of pale. He pulled open the nightstand drawer and pushed it inside and closed it shut, looking around the room in a panic.

"It's not mine!" he said, searching the rest of the room, trying to find where the other voice had come from. "Hello? Hello?" Even with his spells he didn't find anypony else. Once he was certain that he was alone, he cracked opened the drawer again.

"How did she find you?" he asked.

"Hey! Let me out!" it said.

"Gah!" Shining shrieked. "Why is Spike's replica fleshlight talking!?"

"I'm not a fleshlight I- wait, Spike's!?" it asked.

"Well I didn't bring mine," Shining said. "B- because I don't own one. And- and even if I did own one, it definitely wouldn't be the replica Lavender Princess® model with the deluxe ultra-vibe base to ensure maximum pleasure!"

"..."

"Because... you know... that would be weird," he said.

"Are you done?" it asked.

"..."

"... I'm Twilight's vagina," it said.

"Why does Twilight have a fleshlight?" he asked.

"I'm not a fleshlight! I'm Twilight's actual vagina. Look, can you take me out of the drawer so we can at least talk face to... folds?" Shining opened the drawer and levitated it out with his magic, setting it back on top of the nightstand. He leaned down and inspected it closely.

"Wow. They really nailed the detail on this!" he said. "It looks just like the real thing!"

"That's because I am the real thing!" it said. "Wait, are you not even curious anymore as to why I can talk?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah yeah. Sure."

"Twilight wished to know what you were thinking and your penis detached itself to-"

"It even smells like her!" he said.

"And now I've been sent to take over the world and cleanse it with hellfire."

"Uh huh."

"You're not even listening."

"Yeah huh! Twilight something dispatched whirled cleans elf something!" he said. It was hard to speak while he was drooling.

"Dick, can you just let him think for a minute, I'm trying to talk to him!" it said.

Fuck it. Put me in it! Fuck it! Fuck it! And think about Twilight while you fuck it! Fuck it! Put me in it! Put your dick in it! Cum inside it! Fuck Twilight's vagina! Fuck it!

"Dick! Shut up! I'm trying to get him laid!" it said.

... You had my curiosity, but now you have my erection!

"Shining?"

"Hello," he said, suddenly lucid. "Wait, am I still dreaming? How are you talking? How are you actually Twilight's vagina?" he asked.

"Yes, welcome to the conversation!" it said. "I'm Twilight's vagina. Her actual, literal vagina. If you don't believe me, you can go look for yourself."

"Okay, yeah. This is definitely a dream," he grumbled. He got up and walked down the hallway to his sister's room. He opened the door and quietly walked inside. He stood at the edge of the bed, and grabbed the corner of her sheet.

"I hope they serve beer in Tartarus," he thought. He lifted the sheet and looked under her tail. Nothing. Not like a missing part of her body, but just a smooth patch of blank fur where her marehood used to be.

"Huh." He let the sheet lie back down and he went back to the guest room. "Okay... so... what the fuck?"

"Last night, Twilight asked you what you were thinking about, and while your answer was 'nothing', you were actually thinking about fucking her."

"N- no!"

"Don't bother trying to deny it. Your penis told us everything."

"What?"

"Last night, Twilight wished to know what it was you were thinking, and so your penis visited her to talk and told her everything about how you felt about her."

"Oh no! This isn't a dream- it's a nightmare!" he cried.

"Relax. She took it rather well. And so did I." it said. Dick snickered. "But now she has a new problem. After she had sex with your penis, I became addicted to it. I've been having her dreaming about it all night. I've been practically drowning with how wet I've been."

"So you want me to fuck you?" he asked. "I mean, I guess. As long as Twilight doesn't find out."

"I mean yes, I do, but- MMFFHH!"

Shining Armor stuffed his dick inside and started fucking it. It was even better than the deluxe model. "Fuck!" he moaned. "It's so good! Such a perfect fit!" It was wrapped snugly around his shaft without being too tight, just the right depth to perfectly accommodate his length. It was so warm and wet and it was practically quivering around him as he worked it up and down on his shaft, fucking it as fast and as deep as he pleased. "Wait, wait!" Shining pulled his dick out and put it back on the nightstand. "If you're her actual vagina, does that mean that she could get pregnant from this!?" he asked.

"I... I need a second..." it said. "It's a b- *burp* bit too late for that," it said. "She's almost certainly pregnant from when your penis came inside her earlier."

"What!?"

Sorry dude.

"Dick!" Shining yelled. "What the fuck! Why do you always get us in trouble!?"

Dude, this is what we've always wanted! Just go in there and tell her how you feel! And then fuck her. Or make love to her or whatever. Be a stallion for once and stop acting like a pussy!

"Excuse me!?" the literal pussy said.

Oh, put it in your fucking blog, Pussy! I'm trying to give him a pep talk!

Shining Armor farted. His asshole was feeling left out of the conversation.

"Guys, enough!" Shining said. "Nopony is fucking anypony! If Twilight is pregnant, I will deal with it if she asks me to. And you're going home!"

"She wants to have sex with you," it said. "She just doesn't want to act on it because she feels bad about it," it said.

"Yeah. I get the concept," he said. "There's a reason why we don't just do whatever our genitals tell us to. I'm married, and I'm her brother!"

"And soon to be the father of her foal," it said. "Let's not forget that little detail."

"And I didn't even get to enjoy it!" he snapped. He rubbed his face with his hooves. He looked at his sister's vagina as his eyes glistened. "Did she?" he asked. "Did she enjoy it at least?"

"Shining, it was the best fucking sex we've ever had!" it said. "You felt what it's like in here. We're a perfect match for each other. We fit together like lock and key! I've never cum so hard before!"

One side of Shining's mouth curled up into half of a weak smile.

"I'm glad," he said. "I'm glad she at least enjoyed it." He picked it up to bring it back to the rest of his sister.

"Shining, wait! We may never get the chance to speak again!" it said.

"There's nothing left to talk about," he said. "Not with you, anyway." He walked into Twilight's bedroom and pulled the sheet back off her again. She had rolled onto her back. He placed her vagina in the blank area between her legs and it slowly melded with the rest of her body like a droplet of rain falling into a puddle.

"Shining," it said as it merged with her, "At least kiss me goodbye!"

Yeah! At least be a gentlecolt! Dick said.

Shining obliged her, and leaned down to kiss it. Her scent was one thing but her flavor was even better. His kiss turned into licking, sucking, probing with his tongue. He gave her clitoris little licks and sucks, making her even wetter. He happily lapped it up and dove in for even more. After a minute or so he felt it quiver and tremble in orgasm, spurting a gush of marecum into his mouth.

"How was that?" he asked.

"Wonderful," Twilight moaned. Shining's head popped up and looked at Twilight. She blinked at him and rubbed her eyes.

"Twilight!?"

"Shining!? What are you...?" she looked at her wetness still dripping off of his chin.

"Uh... funny story!" he said, before he realized just how crazy he would sound. "And you wouldn't believe a single word of it." He got up to run out of the room. She stopped him at the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm taking myself to the gelding clinic!" he said. "My dick has gotten me into enough trouble!"

"Don't you dare!" she said. "I love your- You! I love you. Don't do that to yourself!"

Just tell him!

"Look, I already have Flurry and..." He trailed off and looked at his sister's belly. "And I don't want any more foals."

"That's a lie and you know it!" she said. "It's been your dream to have a foal with me!"

"What!?"

Yeah... I might have told her that, too.

"Stop lying and just admit it!" Twilight said.

Just tell her!

"Fine. I admit it," he said. "That's why I need to go do this. I already feel terrible about this and I don't want to hurt you." He turned to grab the door handle. Twilight't hoof grabbed him be the shoulder and spun him around, slamming him against the wall. Hard.

"Have you ever stopped to consider how I feel!? What I want?" Twilight asked.

"I thought-"

"No, you fucking didn't!" She said. "And you didn't even bother to ask!"

"... Okay Twilight. What do you want?"

Just tell him!

"I want you!" she said, grabbing him by his mane and pulling herself in to kiss him. "I want you to kiss me back," she said, kissing him again. He did as she asked and kissed her back. She tried to talk between kisses. "I want you *kiss* to take me *kiss* on my bed *kiss* and finish what you started!"

One last doubt plagued the back of Shining's mind.

"What about Cadance?" he asked. She grabbed his face with her hooves and nibbled on his ear.

"She can have you back when I'm done with you," she growled. "You were mine first!"

"And then?" he asked.

She patted his cheek and strolled back over to the bed, flagging her tail, bidding him to follow her.

"I don't care," she said. "As long as you keep visiting me. As long as you keep rutting me with that perfect cock of yours. You can bring her along next time if you want. She can watch. I'll show her how it's done." She climbed onto the bed and laid on her back with her legs spread for him. She could easily see how hard he was getting for her. "Now get over here and fuck me already!" She tugged on his erection with her magic, and he followed it over to her like a divining rod.

"I know what your dick likes," she purred as she reached down with her hoof to play with her pussy for him. "And it likes being inside my-" she stopped mid sentence as she rubbed her pussy with her hoof, becoming increasingly frantic. "Did my pussy detach itself and come visit you?" she asked.

Shining chuckled. "Heh, yeah actually. Funny story; You kinda caught me... 'kissing it goodbye' after I came in here to put it back."

She smacked him and shrieked. "You put it back upside down!"