"Hello, director."

"Good afternoon--" I glanced at the clock on my screen. "Morning, director."

"Time zones," he laughed. There was Randal, on my screen. "You've become something of an urban legend." That was the first time he could see my fuzzy face, having taken the director's chair. The insane running the looney asylum? It was working. "Pleasure to meet you."

I shook hands, reaching right through the screen to grab his surprised hand and draw mine back just as he recoiled in shock. "The rumors are true," I confirmed with a little smile. "I come in peace, promise."

"Not to sound reactionary, but should I be exploring new wardrobe options?"

A reasonable fear, really. "I'm ponid negative," I assured. It was my own fault. "And so are you. Now, as I hope the higher ups told you, they want us to work together."

"I don't like it," he admitted frankly. "We've established a stable, dare I say it, happy equilibrium. The ponies here all see each other as one big family, and having them sent to you would mean breaking up that family."

"I can understand that." Not like my own little ponies were any less well established. "I'm not trying to stress them all out. They are people first. As people, they can be asked." I rolled a hand at the camera. "We can tell them what we're trying to do, and they can help, if they want, or not, if they want. I am not trying to force a person."

"That is something of a relief." He folded his hands in his lap. "Too many directors see the patients as material with an annoying habit of talking."

That matched my predecessor pretty well... "Well, I am one of the patients, to be frank." I gestured at my chest, waving over the whole noodle package. "An unusual one, but still one. I don't want to be abused. I won't abuse anyone else if the option's open."

"Then we're on the same page." He turned a hand palm-side up. "I can't assume everyone I talk to is there. Alright, so, upper management was cagey, their specialty. What exactly do you need 'all horned subjects of note' for?"

"First question." Up went a finger. "Have your patients figured out magic, beyond grabbing things or glowing?"

He looked a bit more defensive, eyes glancing off for just that precious instant, his hand on his armrest clenching, but only a moment. "Magic? Like spells?"

Was it my noodly nature, or was I good at reading people? "Calm down. Mine have. If yours haven't, that limits things."

He was quiet a moment. Considering things? "A few," he allowed at last.

"Fantastic." I began typing busily. "If you'd share their emails my way, I'd like to put them in contact with our head of magic research, Twilight Sparkle. If they happened to have developed the same method, that will make this--"

"--All well and good, but you've skipped a part." He tapped a finger loudly. "What are you doing?"

Ah, dang it. I was being cagey. "Sorry. Alright, so we have a spell that turns a person into something else. If we can turn them into humans, that's a spell being worked on, we may be able to free people who don't want to have a tail forever." I mean, I had learned to be alright with my tail, but different strokes for different folks...

"That's a hell of a sell..." A brow went up. "What's the timeline look on that?"

"I do not honestly know." I folded my arms as I leaned back in my chair. "A love smitten stallion managed to make a similar spell in a few weeks. If we can prod him to repeat the performance...?"

"Let's assume a few months," he proposed, fairly reasonably in my view. "What are the unicorns for?"

"More people to practice the art of spellcasting," I started. "Learning if there's only one way to do it would also help, which is why I wanted to get them in contact even if they never show up. Once we have the spell, we'll need all the capable unicorns we can to cast the result on anyone wanting it."

He drew a soft breath. "You realize, if this works... the rate of patients will increase, not decrease, right?"

Hm? "What? We'll be getting them back out the door."

"Sure, and that will open the flood gates. They will rush to get Ponid working properly, confident they can undo mistakes. It will become a very busy time, to say the least... With a lot of startled people, even if we can undo the mess afterwards." He put a hand to his head, leaning against it. "This will eventually become a textbook example for an ethics class."

He wasn't wrong, in my view. "What's the alternative? Not help people we can help?"

"No... I'll send that email." And so ended our call.

Susan looked up at her glowing horn as she worked through the letters. "L-like this? It feels so strange."

Twilight tapped her chin. "You are in a unique position."

"How?" She inclined her head. "Besides being the largest one in the room."

"That's immaterial." Twilight waved it away like a nuisance. "You are changed but were not adjusted neurologically to adapt to it, meaning you can feel the differences. You are not a kirin."

Susan snorted at that. "Sorry, got a doctor's note arguing the case."

"Physically, of course." She stood up, trotting towards a white board. "But not mentally, meaning you have the unique position of knowing what it 'feels like' to be a kirin. Autumn couldn't tell you, it's just 'what I am'. I am equally unable to tell you what it's 'like' to be a unicorn. It has been set as my default being. You--" She twirled to face Susan. "You are a human, up here." She tapped herself with a hoof on the head. "That's the unique part."

"Fantastic..." Susan lowered her head to be more on Twilight's level. "You do understand, you're asking me to be happy about feeling species dysphoria. That is a tough sell."

"But think..." She trailed off, frowning. "I'm sorry."

Susan blinked in surprise. "Pardon? I thought you were going to make a scientific plea?"

"I was!" assured the geeky unicorn. "But you're right. I'm being very thoughtless of your feelings." She put a hoof to her own chest. "As the head of this department, I can't be so ignorant of the concerns of others. Sorry, really."

"I... alright?" Susan smiled with a little smirk. "Not what I expected... but alright... Look, I feel like I'm a woman in a really big suit that I can't take off... Trust me, I tried a few times..." She raised a hoof at Twilight. "Almost every part of this body creeps me out if I think about it. I don't like it, to be blunt."

"This may... not help, but most ponies I've spoken to find you quite... pretty."

Susan's cheeks lit up bright. "You're kidding!" Her cheeks literally caught fire, little fires flickering. "I'm not even a... pony. I look very different from them. Why would they think that?"

Twilight lifted her shoulders. "Almost all of your differences are... very ornamental. Your ears are... Your horn... Even your hooves. There's just more to every part of you." She rubbed at her cheek with the flat of a hoof. "I am wildly inappropriate to specify why, but you're different, but in a good way. It's like the opposite of the uncanny valley!"

"So... I'm a pony supermodel?" Susan sagged a little, a strained laughter shaking her sides. "What a life! I'm like an angel, so perfect it's uncanny, but in a way you want to see more." She suddenly slapped her hooves down on Twilight's shoulders. "This is not helping! So am I getting the letters right or not?" She did a nice, strong, A B C in her horn.

Twilight shrank at the attack, but did see the letters. "O-oh, yes! Very good, quite good!"

"Great!" She pushed Twilight back and rose up, towering over the unicorn, letting out a slow breath. "Great... So, this might fix me?"

"Do you remember Sunburst?" She adjusted her glasses back into place on her snout.

"Pony, hangs with Autumn? He... keeps watching me. Does he think I'm pretty too?"

"Probably," admitted Twilight with a lack of tact. "But he's taken."

"O-oh? Really?"

"He and Autumn are in a relationship." Twilight rolled a hoof. "But that's beside the--"

"They're a thing?!" Susan drove down a hoof with a loud clop. "Why didn't she tell me?!"

"I couldn't say... But he's working on the human transformation spell." Twilight inclined her head faintly. "If it works, then perhaps we could return you to normal."

"About that..." Susan grabbed some chalk in her glowing magic and brought it over to a green board, making marks. "From what I've gathered, only about 2%, give or take, remained kirined. Is he working on raising that percentage for humans? If most of those made human end up not human again, you're not... getting anywhere."

"He is aware of that." She hopped up onto a stool and spun in place, talking despite it, "I'm certain he's working on it, but this is really his specialty, not mine. If he can find out how to 'purposefully' trigger that 2%, perhaps? But I'm just theorizing wildly here."

Susan set a hoof on Twilight's stool, stopping it so immediately that Twilight squeaked and was sent flying. Her magic wrapped around the unicorn, drawing her back to where she started. "Is there any way I can help?" The hope of becoming human again a powerful motivator.

Twilight's horn glowed as she retrieved her glasses, tossed across the room as they had been. "I appreciate your eagerness. I'd like to help more myself. For now, learn the alphabet. We've gotten a few letters down, but there's more to go." She clopped her hooves together. "One thing."

"That sounds like a negative 'one' thing." Susan frowned suspiciously.

"Sort of." Twilight lifted her shoulders. "You shouldn't use the spell on yourself, even if it worked. Autumn or I will likely be the one to use it on you."

"Then I'm... not really helping, am I?" She let out a soft breath. "Why bother learning magic then?"

"Well, for one, aren't you curious?" Twilight inclined her head. "I know you're... feeling out of sorts, to put it mildly, but aren't you even slightly curious? I mean, magic. Real magic!" She thrust up a hoof to emphasize the possibilities.

"Did they not tell you what I was?" She sat back, rearing up so she could put both hooves on her chest. "I'm a lunch lady, to put it bluntly. A short order cook that worked in a cafeteria setting, if we want to be fancy about it. I was not a scientist. I was not involved in any of that. I came in, I cooked, made people happy, went home. That was my day!"

"I'm certain you were good at it." She tapped her chin softly. "But, even with that in mind... aren't you... a little curious?"

Susan huffed at Twilight so strongly flames erupted over her own eyebrows, threatening with a combustion. "I understand you're trying your very best to get me to see the 'bright side', that silver lining, but this is a really big dark cloud, alright? You want to help? Just... listen more, and telling me how to think less."

She felt something touching her leg and looked down. While she had been talking, Twilight had walked right up to her and gently embraced one of her big legs. "I... Is this professional?"

"No," admitted Twilight. "But it's what you need. I don't know how you feel, but I want you to feel better. We can wait on everything else. You don't have to do a thing you don't want to do."

"Besides turn into a kirin?" Susan asked with a little smirk, but its edges were blunted, turning into a smile gently. "Thank you..."

Author's Note

Poor Susan. This was not what she signed up for. This is the bonus chapter given due to a vote from my $5 patrons, who also get it a week earlier than everyone else, woo!

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