What Should Have Been

“...I don’t know what I said to him…” I could hear Twilight say. I jerked awake.

“Are you sure about that? Because he kept mumbling your name. Did anything unusual happen?”

“No.” She replied. I slowly opened my eyes. “F-Flash! You’re awake!”

Next to her I could see a cream coloured stallion, who I assumed was the doctor.

“I’ll leave you two alone” He said before leaving the room.

Twilight stared at the floor intensely before glancing up to me. But as soon as we had eye contact, she turned away.

“Are you okay?” She asked, still not looking at me.

“No.” That was all I could manage to say.

She bit her lip. “Okay.”

“How are you?” I cleared my throat.

“Fine.” I could tell that she was levitating something with her magic.

I sighed. “Happy-” That was when I remembered it was morning and likely, the next day, “-birthday.” I muttered under my breath.

She turned towards me. “Thanks.” She whispered, walking to my side. I glanced at the flower she was holding - the same one I gave her. “Sorry.” She whispered. “Sorry.” Tears started falling from her eyes, “I’m so sorry… ” She sobbed and covered her face with her hooves.

A lump formed in my throat. “For what?” A princess like her wouldn’t like a stupid guard like me.

“For everything, Flash.” She pressed her lips against mine, and pulled her face back , a few inches away from mine. “I love you.” She pulled back, and walked to the door. “I’m going back to Ponyville in three days.” I heard the bang of the door close behind her.

“I love you too.” I whispered.

“Flash Sentry?” The doctor entered the room, and I sat up. “Aqua Aura, Falling Sunshine, Tinted Assistance and Sapphire Moonlight are here to see you back. If you have any headaches, come straight back.” He nodded at me before leaving the room.

“Flash?” Sunny walked in, followed by the others. “You okay now?”

No. You’re heartbroken. That is not any better. “I guess I’m better.”

“What exactly happened, Flash?” Auri asked anxiously.

I closed my eyes. “Nothing.” I started to feel the pain in my head, “I’m fine.”

“Flash, please tell us. We’re here for you.” Sunny said.

“Nothing. I just messed up as usual.” I sighed, “How many times is that now? Four times? Or is it five? Either way, I’m a failure.”

I headed for the door. Ugh. Nothing makes sense. I’m sick and tired of this. Around her, I mess up so bad. I hurt her more than once. How could she love me? Although...she did say that she loves me. Now I’m just confused!

Suddenly TA shoved her hoof on my mouth to prevent me from talking, except she did it with such force that I felt like my jaw was breaking. “Listen here, Sentry. If you call yourself that one more time, then I’ll kick you so hard that you’ll be in hospital for another year.”

I shuddered at the thought, “Okay okay, I won’t call myself that anymore.” When she gave me another dark glare, I squeaked so loud that little fillies would’ve been proud of me. Way to go again, Flashing Stupid, you’re such a wimp.

“You also need to cut the ‘Flashing Stupid’ thing, honestly.” Auri said matter-of-factly. Wait- How- When- What! HUH? WHAT? How did she flipping know that- oh right, mind reading, never gonna get used to that.

“No, not mind reading.” Sunny interrupted my thoughts, “Auri and I were walking past your dorm a few days ago when we heard you shouting ‘I AM FLASHING STUPID’ and when we called out to you, you didn’t respond, so we figured that you were sleep-shouting.” She shrugged. Well that’s embarrassing. No wait...I remember that. I was awake, thank Celestia, I thought I was going insane. I didn’t reply because I probably wanted them to leave so I could hide my embarrassment. Which...didn’t work.

After getting distracted in our weird conversation several times, we finally made it out of the hospital.

“Okay, so before I hit you again, spill. What in Tartarus happened?” TA demanded.

Um, remember. Hospital for a year. “Um, nothing, it’s fine, forget it…” my voice trailed off. Do you want her to kill you?

Auri sighed. “Flash, please!”

“Sentry, if you don’t tell us, you’re gonna die, and it’s gonna be painful.” TA threatened. I shrugged. No don’t shrug, you are terrified of her! Didn’t you say a few days ago that she doesn’t have mercy? And that you shouldn’t hide things from her? I rolled my eyes at my inner thoughts. Have you gone insane? Well, me, I have most definitely gone insane if I’m arguing with myself in my head. Well that disproves what I said to myself earlier about not being insane. Yes, I’ve lost all my sanity.

“You know, I’ve read books with the weirdest of characters, yet not being scared of Tinted at all right now makes you weirder than ALL of them.” Saphie commented. That further reinforces my point. Point taken. Well done. Just...say what happened. No more hiding.

I held my hoof up and breathed in and out slowly, signalling to my friends that I needed a moment and I would tell them once we reached the castle. At least I hope that’s what they got from that.

As we slowly approached the castle, with Saphie and Auri leading the way, to what I think is the Mess Hall, Sunny on my right, occasionally giving me a sympathetic smile and TA on my left, glaring at me the whole time. That’s what I get for messing with her, I guess. I snickered. Heh, ‘messing’ with her, because we’re going to the ‘Mess’ Hall. Sunny must’ve been reading my mind again because she facehooved, I just grinned sheepishly.

Out of what I could hear, Auri and Saphie were fangirling about another vampire series they read, Sunny was too busy invading my thoughts and TA was watching me like I was King Sombra and she was my escort to prison. Nice one, Flashing Stupid.

Sunny bit her lip to stop herself laughing and shook her head.

“What do we do with you?” She muttered, though more to herself than to me.

Oh right, the mind reading. What was that about a vampire mind reader? “Um, Auri? Saphie? Who was that vampire mind reader?”

“Edward Cullen.” They chorused. Sunny facehooved again and TA continued glaring at me.

“Uh, right, thanks.” Well, that was stupid, Flashing Stupid. “Wait, what time is it?”

“Um, it’s nearly noon.” Sunny sighed, “Which is exactly why we’re about to have lunch.”

“Oh yeah...hehe.”

“Seriously though-”, she whispered, “-you gotta stop calling yourself that.” What? How does she know that I still- it’s Sunny don’t question it. Only Flashing Stupid can forget that his friends can read minds like Princess Luna walks through dreams. Sunny stopped in place and glared at me darkly, as if she was going to kill me too. Eh. I don’t think she can do that. She raised her eyebrow and gave a sly smirk. Her expression was screaming to me that she had ideas. Ideas that I probably wouldn’t like.

“Okay! Okay!” I fell on my knees and placed my hooves together, pleading to her, “I’ll stop just PLEASE don’t do anything stupid!”

“No promises.” She ran to catch up to all of us, since she was falling behind by standing still to look threatening.

So much for that idea.

TA glared at me. “Sentry, hurry up! Starving to death isn’t the ideal way to die. Plus, I for one, do not want to die that way!”

Well, that makes two of us. Sunny rolled her eyes again. “Sunny! Don’t you get annoyed hearing people’s thoughts all the time?”

“Well duhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Why in Equestria do you think I facehooved three times in the span of five minutes? Even though I already told you that I DON’T READ MINDS!” Sunny sighed. I just rolled my eyes.

“Uh, calm down!” Saphie and Auri chorused, turning around and letting us catch up to them.

“Yeah, yeah…” I started. THEY’RE STILL MIND READERS.

Sunny and Auri facehooved once again.

“Okay, now you need to tell us about what happened. Or then, forget about TA, I’ll personally kill you. It’s gonna hurt.” Auri started.

I took a bite of my hayburger. What the hay am I meant to do? “Um-”

“Choose your words wisely.” TA interrupted.

WHAT THE HAY AM I MEANT TO DO?! CELESTIA, HELP ME.

“Flash, don’t worry. We’re here for you.” Auri sighed. “Please.”

I started explaining what happened.

“So that’s it?” Saphie asked.

“You guys are made for each other. Neither of you can have a proper conversation without one of you running away or something. And I thought Bella and Edward together was weird.” TA snickered, whilst Sunny facehooved. Again. Doesn’t her head hurt after all that?

“You’re not helping!” Sunny shook her head.

“How the hay is this meant to work? She’s a princess, and I’m just a random guard. She lives in Ponyville, whilst I’m ages away in the Crystal Empire. This is never gonna work. It’s just a far fetched dream.” I let my feelings out.

Saphie was too absorbed in a book to be listening to what I was saying. TA couldn’t care less. I mean, she’s TA. Why would she care? Auri bit her lip. Sunny opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

“Flash, it’ll be fine.” Sunny finally said.

“It’s never fine with me. Every second of my life, there has always been something that didn’t work. It has never been fine. I never had any friends, and I was bullied and-” I instantly stopped when I realised I said too much.

“Hey everypony!” Shining Armor glanced at me before he looked at the rest of us. “I need you to be on duty today. Especially you, TA. You know how important taking care of the crystal heart is.” TA nodded. “Sentry? You’re guarding Twi- Princess Twilight’s chambers today.” And he left.

“What with my luck.” I muttered.

“Oh, don’t worry. You can talk things through.” Sunny smiled.

“I hope so…”

I had been standing at the guard post for hours. And there was still another ten minutes until I could go to training.

That was when I spotted Twilight. With another pegasus that I couldn’t forget.

Winter Gust.

“-I had so much fun, thanks Winter!”

“Until next time, Princess…”

She giggled. “I love you…”

“Love you too…”

That was when I couldn’t see any more. My eyes filled with tears.

She loves someone else.

“Flash?” Auri asked again. “Flash, seriously, if something’s wrong then-”

“I’m fine.” I lied.

“Come on, it’s us. We know when something’s up.” Sunny came from behind.

“I’m fine.” I repeated.

Auri glared at me. “Sentry, I didn’t ask ‘how are you’.” Woah. She sounds like TA. “Tell us what’s bothering you. What are friends for?”

I gulped. “You know who.”

“You mean, Voldemort?” Auri rolled her eyes.

Who’s Voldemort? I gave Auri a look, and she facehooved. “Twilight?”

“Yeah, her.” I couldn’t bear to say her name anymore. How could I love and hate someone so much?

No. It wasn’t her who I hated. It was him. Winter Gust. The one who made my life like Tartarus.

“Flash?” Auri snapped me back into reality again. “Flash, please. There’s two minutes before we do the fights. Please tell us what’s up. You have friends now. Don’t think that you’re alone.”

I sighed. I should probably tell them. “Winter Gust is-”

“Okay, everypony. For the past few days, you have been doing training to improve yourself as a guard, so now we will be doing some fights between different guards. And no weapons. But no magic, and no flying, got it?” Shining Armor informed us. “So, the first fight will be between… Aqua Aura and Night Star!” He informed us.

Auri facehooved.

“Alright then. Fight!” He announced.

Auri did that thing where she just looked at him in the eye. She stood there motionless. She’s probably waiting for him to make the first move, right?

Night Star looked confused. Ha, serves you right.

Shining Armor grinned. “Okay then.”

Night Star turned his head to look at him, and as soon as he broke eye contact, she kicked him in the nose, which instantly started flowing with blood. Ow. Night Star grabbed her hoof and twisted it. Okay, that’s gonna hurt. Auri bit her lip in pain. She kicked him in the sides, and twisted both his hooves. Payback, I guess.

He punched both her sides and Auri held her breath in pain. “Sorry.” He said.

“I don’t need your apologies.” Auri punched him in the face.

Well, it went interestingly after that. Let’s just say that Night Star kinda almost died.

“Okay, the next fight will be between… Flash Sentry and Winter Gust.” Shining Armor read off of a scroll.

Winter Gust. Winter Gust . WINTER GUST. WINTER GUST.

So he was here. Winter Gust was here.

“Flash!” Sunny nudged me. She had an anxious look on her face.

“It’s him.” I simply said.

Sunny sighed. “Yeah, it was Night Star. Oh my gosh, they just fought the life out of each-”

“Winter Gust.”

“Winter Gust?” She looked at me, confused. “Yes, it’s Winter Gust! You need to go fight!”

I walked up, and stood there motionless. IT WAS Winter Gust.

“Okay, you can fight!” Shining Armor announced.

Remember everything Auri taught you. Attention. Deception. Strategies. Disguise. Use it. It’s not like you’re battling Night Star. Or some sort of villain. See how many villains Twilight has faced? This is Winter Gust. An idiot.

Idiot now. Idiot always.

Sometimes I hate you, brain.

I looked up and saw Winter Gust running towards me. Attention. I just walked out of the way and he fell face flat on the floor. Well that was funny. PAYBACK, WINTER. As he got up, I shot him a look, and punched him in the face, chest and sides which instantly started to bruise. I pushed my hoof into his neck. “How dare you.” He started making choking noises.

“I did what I had to.” He choked.

“Flash!” Shining Armor shouted.

But I hated him too much. This could get me fired. But it didn’t matter. I could die. That didn’t matter. Winter Gust had to die, whether or not I had to die in the process.

“Private Sentry!” Shining Armor repeated, trying to pull me away from Winter Gust.

But no. He had to die.

“Flash? Flash, please. What’s wrong with you?” Auri asked.

Sunny and Auri tried to pull me away from Winter Gust. But he had to die. He had to.

“Everyone, go.” Shining Armor told everyone in the training hall, and they started going.

Auri sighed, and Shining Armor whispered something to Auri.

“No, Shining. I’m not going to do that. There’s a clear reason he’s doing this. He knows him.” I heard Auri say.

Of course I did. How could I forget what he had done. Now and before.

“Just… try.” He sighed, all of them trying to pull me away from Winter Gust.

“It’s what he’s thinking. He’s thinking about how he hates him.” Sunny started.

Of course I hate him. After what he did to me when I was younger. Forget about me. After what he did to Twilight. And if he did anything to Twilight, he had to die.

“He did something to Twilight.” They chorused.

“Winter Gust. Did something. To TWILIGHT?!” Shining Armor sounded angry.

“Flash? Please.” Sunny continued.

“Flash Sentry. I am an officer for the Royal guard and if Shining Armor isn’t going to fire you, I will. You know I’m not afraid to fire you. As I told you, trust no-one. They use deception and disguise as well. This anger inside you - move past it. Twilight is a grown mare. She can make her own decisions, and if she chooses to be with another… then if you truly love her then you would respect her wishes.” Auri sighed.

That was what made me think. I love her. So I’ll let her go.

I let go of Winter Gust who gasped in relief. Suddenly, the lights seemed dimmer and the hall seemed like it was spinning around me. My head was throbbing. And the last words I remember hearing were from a familiar voice, though it took me several seconds to register what it was saying.

“I hate you.”

I jolted upright, again. Luckily, this time I was in my own bed, in my own dorm and not in hospital. There was only silence pervading the room, so I figured that I was alone. However, I didn’t want to break it; I could still feel the throbbing in my head, though it wasn’t hurting as much as before, but even the sound of a pin drop made me feel like my brain would burst. I tried recalling what happened before I passed out. “I hate you.” I thought I recognised the voice, but in the deafening quiet in my room, I couldn’t put my hoof on who said it. So, I decided to push that thought aside for a few minutes.

Instead, I could do something I haven’t done in a few eventful days: think. Thinking about what the hay happened, try to actually make sense of everything. And of course, try not to panic or… get distracted, like I usually do.

So, first off, Twilight told me that she loves me. She also kissed me. But, on her birthday, after I kind of ignored her, she ignored me and threw my flower and said that she’s sorry she’s not any better, or something like that. Later, when I woke up in hospital, she came and had the flower with her and told me she loves me...again. But then, I see her with Winter Gust and she says that she loves him. Winter Gust! Out of all the pon- no, Flash. Focus. Twilight’s leaving in a few days. She continuously tells me that she loves me, but her actions...fluctuate. A lot. It doesn’t doesn’t add up.

I look at my hooves. I’ve been acting differently too. I shift my gaze towards the rest of my darkly lit room.

Something’s not right here.