Minor Disturbances

For the province records,

April 23rd, 1045.

It has come to my knowledge in recent weeks that a prominent denizen of the Ponyville Township has caused and propagated various random disturbances in the local area. While physically harmless, local citizens have made claims of massive local destruction and terror, absolutely unfit for the propriety of the nation, and entreated me with cries of woes and heresies committed by said citizen. The likes of which cannot be amply justified with the given evidence, as all is hearsay and would not be properly replicated upon the premises, much to my dismay. Therefore, I cannot make a just judgment of the situation, and seeing as any and all persons of my position in the local area cannot allow for time to visit the locale and evaluate the situation, matters shall have to sit as they are for the time being.

The demands have come in the form a small group demanding compensation or solvency regarding these minor “tragedies” happening in the area. Their furtive looks around and fearful treatment of the subject lends an air of mystery to the whole proposition—however, the guilt of their own persons, if they have any, could be the main instigator of such common emotions for the purpose of their complaints. Additionally, as is sometimes the case, and more often than one would normally expect, the blame for some common misdeed is placed upon an innocent scapegoat in order to seek revenge or justification for any arbitrary deed, legal or non-legal, committed by the scapegoat to the persons in question. And so any number of causes could have brought this group in here in this way, the least likely of which is the stated one. Oftentimes in my position I am asked to review a case that has nothing to do with the presented presumptions during the first meeting, the pith of which is only revealed afterwards.

As these complaints are common, I believe that this situation can easily be averted, and asking a pony in my office to dictate such matters is absurd; and hereupon reviewing the situation with even more detail it can be reasonably observed that such origins for the present issue are such that no actions of any of the involved persons are required to dampen any effects of any causes, as there are likely none of either.

However, I have requested from that small group various evidences of the committed grievances to warrant physical investigation, and as I assume that none can be reasonably presented on the situation, this matter shall rest.

--J. T. W.

May 4th, 1045.

I currently am writing this entry in the midst of a now chaotic mess which was produced earlier by the aforementioned group. Although I gave the group a polite dismissal as mentioned in the previous entry, it seems that they have taken the “more evidence” clause to heart.

They entered into the office very seriously, all eight of them carrying various items with no particular relation to each other. Just as nervous, shifty, and guilty-looking as before, none of them seemed desirous of speaking. I naturally asked for the cause of the visit, and so on and so forth, and in the reluctant discussion that ensued, I realized that their intentions were to demonstrate the "monstrosities" that the particular pony in question had committed. I had of course asked for various evidences, and not a reenactment, which was an anomaly that I have never encountered in my ten years in office, but due to the strangeness of the request and the dedication that the group showed, I allowed them to demonstrate what happened.

Which, of course, was one of the most terrible mistakes I could have committed.

Apparently I was the center of their demonstration, as all of their actions were directed at me in general. For the next several minutes, my vision was devastated with flying sponges, several failed attempts at eating a cake in one bite, off-key welcome songs with raucous dancing that knocked over several pieces of furniture, and party streamers blowing in my face. Somehow a porcupine lodged in my back during the spectacular.

Even with all of the effort that it took to try to make them leave the room, none of them decided that that was the proper course of action, and so the demonstration had to go on, of course, as I tried to shield myself under the desk, of course attempting to ignore the pain that tried to provide ample distraction from the affair.

Apparently jumping in the victim's face and screaming "Forever" while the victim cowered under a desk was also one of the trials that this group had to undergo.

In any case, they either grew bored or tired themselves so much so that they eventually dropped everything they were attempting to do, and I was left in a sea of sudden silence. Any attempts to shakily say anything failed miserably. After nearly half a minute, I could muster my voice, and gladly found it to be regular and businesslike as I tried to dismiss them from the room. The horrors that I had seen and absurdities that invaded the normally tranquil office were far too much to comprehend, and it took every ounce of my strength to speak to them, as distracted as it was.

And because my mind had not fully recovered from the marvelously horrid affront, instead of permanently banning them from the institution, I merely mumbled my way through the general "Not enough evidence" clause.

The dismay on their faces convinced me at the time that I had said the right thing (the right thing being what would keep them away) , and after they left the room I collapsed in a heap, in shock. Recovery from it has taken several hours, and I have still not ventured to remove the quills from my back yet. That is an honor reserved for when I decide to venture out of this office into the cold night, for I fear that another "demonstration" might be graciously forced upon me by the group in question.

Perhaps sleeping in here tonight will be the best idea.

--J. T. W.