The Best Laid Out Plans 0: An April Fools Prequel

by Bysen

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Night Light, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Equestria Girls, Twilight Velvet
Length: 5861

Night Light and Velvet tell the story about how their wedding went horribly wrong.

Prequels [sequels?] are not required reading but it helps. Actually, they're literally summed up in the first chapter. Honestly, the recap at the start of 2 and 3 are much better.

After Shining Armour and Cadence's wedding went about as well as you'd expect it to, the two, Twilight, their parents and there in-laws are sitting together at Joe's Donuts and the subject of 'how Velvet and Nightlight's wedding went almost/just as bad/worse than this one' comes up and they start telling the story.

The last 3 stories where definitely 'romantic' comedies but this is more of a romantic drama and was inspired in it's entirety by a single throwaway line from a random episode of Scrubs.

No humanised alicorn parents where harmed in the making of this story. Their children however probably got pretty scarred...
The Best Laid Out Plans NEXT: An April Fools Continuation, coming next april first.
Maybe... there was a 3 year gap between 2 and 3 afterall...

Published 2020-04-01 00:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-14 21:51:03 UTC

The Set-up and/or Recap

After Twilight had gotten over her brother completely forgetting to tell her he’d proposed to Cadence only to have an invitation arrive at her dorm three days before the wedding at which Chrysalis, Shining’s ex, had drunkenly crashed and declared her undying love for Shining before throwing one of her eight children [octuplets from some guy in europe] at him before being arrested, she, meaning Twilight, her brother, sister-in-law, parents and mothers-in-law sat at a table in a donut shop in ripped up clothing from the brawl that had ensued.

“I’ll be honest..” Cadence spoke up. “I really thought that was going to be another of your pranks.”

“My pranks?” Shining asked back.

“Ok, our pranks.”

“I still feel like I’m included in the word ‘our’. Yours and Twilight’s.”

“Ok… my and Twilight’s pranks.”

“Hey, I only pulled one to get back at you for the first two you pulled.” Twilight added.

“Can I just finish my thought?” she asked with exasperation.

“Also, it would be ‘Twilight and I’.”

Cadence just deathstared her aunty Lulu. There was no response. “Thank you. Now, I honestly thought that that was one of the pranks and I was fully prepared to just walk away from this entire family. Both sides of it. But, I guess it just turns out my husband has a way ladies. That came out wrong. Chrysalis is just crazy.”

“Eeyup.” said everyone.

Celestia put down her donut [a rarity for her] and asked “I’m aware of the third prank, having facilitated the school’s on-ground police to help sell the fake kidnapping of Twilight by Fluffle Puff. Who thinking about it, I wonder if she’s still stalking/living with/stockholm syndroming Chrysalis? Regardless. I know it was meant to be pulled on Shining Armour and Cadence with Velvet being in on it, only for it to turn into Velvet thinking it has actually real while Shining didn’t buy it at all and tried to prank Twilight in turn by using the ransom money to instead buy an engagement ring. But what were the first two pranks?”

“Sister, that was an incredibly rambly and run on sentence.”

“Well sorry, I’m drunk. You’re driving right?” Luna just facepalmed.

Shining answered her. “Well, the second one was probably why Twilight tried to pull one on me and Cadence. Cadence had told one of my friend to get me black out drunk at a party th-”

“I didn’t tell them anything, they just did it anyway.”

“-at chrysalis was at. The point being to make me think I cheated on her with Chrysalis. And as you can guess, it backfired.”

“You actually cheated on her?” Celestia asked.

“Uhh… maybe a little. Does kissing count?” he said nervously eying Cadence whose face wore a ‘it’s cool, kinda my fault’ expression. “So long story short, Chrysalis then broke into my house, put some fake messages on my phone, then lived in my shed for a few days to fake her death and make Cadence think I’d killed with the messages and had to cover it up. Meanwhile, I started a garden for some home grown flowers at Chrysalis’s advice for Cadence. Chrysalis buried a pig carcass under it and Cadence dug it up thinking she’d found the body. Oh, and Twilight was in on the whole thing from Cadence’s side and also thought I was coming out to kill them for finding the body.”

“What the rut…?” Celestia asked in disbelief.

“Chrysalis is just crazy.” Cadence answered.

“Yeah…” her ‘mother’ agreed. “And the first prank? Was it as bad?”

“Well no, but actually yes.” Shining answered.

“Go on…” Luna egged.

“So Cadence and Twilight were arguing over who I loved more… so naturally the logical answer was to find out by having Chrysalis fake holding them hostage at gunpoint saying she was going to kill one of them and I could only save one.”

“Cadence, what the rut?!” Celestia muttered.

“Oh it gets better. This was like 6 years ago and I think Twilight was 12 at the time.”

“Hehehe…” Cadence let out apologetically as she shrunk under the gaze of everyone at the table. Even those who already knew but were revised the details.

“Luckily for me, and this is the only time I have ever pulled a prank, Chrysalis told me about this and so I faked shooting myself instead of having to choose to turn the prank on them. But, then I also turned it on Chrysalis who I left alone with Cadence and Twilight who taped her to a phone pole. So that’s why Cadence thought Chrysalis would be willing to prank me back a year later with that cheating thing. Also I think Fluffle Puff legit abducted her from that phone pole…”

“Wow… that’s…” Celestia said.

“Hilarious!” Luna finished. And laughed loudly. “So every prank backfired on the person who pulled it? Uh, so much karma, it’s great!”

“Well. All in all, I’d say it was still better than our wedding.” Velvet, Twilight/Shining’s mother, said.

“Tough call honestly.” Orian Comet, or OC for short, Twilight/Shining and I guess also Cadence now too’s father, replied.

“Oh yeah…” Cadence spoke up. “Last year you mentioned a prank you pulled just before you two got married. What was it?’

Velvet turned to her husband and said “Well, it all started back in 1999…”

*Music plays as the scene fades away and a overtly 90's montage plays*

This

“I don’t know Vee, that sounds like a pretty shitty thing to do to him.” Velvet finished as she began to apply her lipstick. It was an important night for her so she was dolling herself more than usual. She and Orian Comet were celebrating their third anniversary. They’d met when Velvet was in her second and final year and OC was in his first of four. He was graduating in a few months and she had already published her first novel. Literature degree is worthless on my flank…

Pregaming with her friend may not be the best idea, especially with what she had suggested. “Look, you’ve been together for three years now and it’s stagnating. Either shake things up or it’ll go nowhere. Believe me, you don’t want a guy who’ll leave you like me.” the slightly older, yet vastly more aged looking woman replied and took another swig from the wine bottle.

“He’s still studying. I don’t expect him to do anything stupid like ask me to marry him until he’s graduated. Hell, he’ll probably propose at his graduation by grabbing the mic on stage after getting his diploma. If he doesn’t then, hopefully not exactly then, we can talk about it then but until then, we’re in a good place.” Velvet finished as she finished her makeup.

Giving herself a once over in the mirror, she hand-combed her hair and gave it a flick, pulled her dress down tight to emphasise her boobs and blew her friend a kiss in the mirror. “I’m not that drunk yet.”

“Yet?” Velvet teased… then had a very blurry memory of about two years ago she didn’t even know she had pop into her head.

“Yet.”

“Wait… did we… once…?”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you…” as she took another swig. “Aaahh... still think you shouldn’t shake things up a bit?”

Velvet paused. Began to speak and instantly stopped before taking another second to find the words. “Are you suggesting a threesome as a third anniversary gift?”

“What? No. Just do the thing. Trust me, it’s better to find out now.” she went to take a sip more but stopped. She’d manage to hurt herself with that last thought. “Just… have a fun night.”

“I will. But stop being so down. I doubt he’s talking like this with his friends.”

Meanwhile, with his friends.

“I don’t know Jet, that sounds like a pretty shitty thing to do to her.” OC finished as he pocketed his stuff and picked up a comb once more. He was riddled with student debt and she was a bestselling author… riddled with student debt. But not as much as him and she actually had spending money so she would probably be paying for dinner tonight. She wore the pants here and he had to make sure he could get into those pants. Wait… not like that. But not not like that either.

Coming here to use his friend’s expensive cologne had seemed like a good idea at the time but now he just smelled like his friend. “Look, you’ve been together for three years now and it’s only a matter of time. When that happens it changes the context of everything. Believe me, you don’t want a woman who’ll leave you like me.” he did mean he’d been left but rather the stated he’d been left in. Although, she had left him too.

“Oh yeah… you look awful. What was her name? The one from last week?” OC, who from this point will be referred to as Night Light because that’s his actual name and the OC joke was funny when he was in the background but now that he’s the main character it’ll just get annoying, said.

“I think it was Cream Heart… don’t quote me on that.” he said with half serious, half joking stern brow and pointed a beer-filled hand with his index finger out at Night Light. Night Light in turn turned to and shook his head. Long past the point something like that would make him jealous he was about to make a quippy comeback when Jet asked him “A bowtie? Really?”

Night looked down at his attire. The formalest suit he had, which was definitely not a real suit so much as a button up shirt that looked close enough and a dress shirt underneath went well with the small black bowtie. “What? It looks good.” he defended.

“You just don’t know how to tie a tie.”

“Uh huh… so I can’t tie a tie but I can tie a bowtie…?”

Jet paused for a moment. “Fair point.” he said as he stood up and put down his beer. He walked up to and around him and came back to face his friend. “Looks good. And damn, do you smell good.”

“I smell like you…”

“I know.” they stared silently at each other for a few moments. “OK! Well, you should get going. Don’t want to be late.” he said as he walked past him and slapped his friends ass out of habit. Hoofball’s a hell of a drug. He then immediately left the room to question some things about himself. Night Light headed for the door and left.

“Wait, but what was the prank? You said it backfired on you so from a narrative perspective you should’ve said what it was. You as a writer mom should know that especially.” Twilight asked.

“Oh, well… you know that episode of Scrubs where Elliot says some bad advice her mother gave her? ‘Tell him you’re pregnant and if he doesn’t propose on the spot dump him, damand he pays for the abortion and then spend that money on magaritas and a philopino boy named Horhey’.”

“I don’t think Scrubs was out in 1999 and I’m pretty sure you’re mixing two of her quotes together there… but real classy mom.” Shining bemusedly said.

“It's your father's fault. He did something incredibly stupid.”

“Hey, I was the victim in this.” Night Light defended.

“Were you really?”

“Yes. Absolutely. 100%.”

“Ok, that’s fair. But in my defence, you…”

One's

Night Light arrived at the restaurant. It felt a bit odd walking in by himself for once. Normally they’d arrive together, one of them having driven from their apartment but he’d had to swing by Jet’s place first. Honestly, he kinda regretted it after his talk with his friend. And borrowing his lynx bottle just made him feel kinda sleazy. All of this made him feel far more anxious than he should be. And knowing that made him even more anxious...

Night Light had reserved a table for them here a few weeks ago. Considering this wasn’t a high class restaurant and just a walk in off the street kind of place it was a little redundant. Especially since if they had been turned down at the door they’d probably have just gone to one of the other places on the same street. Hell, just two doors over was a crappy noodle place they both loved and feared food poisoning from every time they went. And doubly especially since it was a thursday.

As he walked in he spoke with the matradee and asked “I’ve got a reserva-” and at that point he saw Velvet sitting at a table looking right at him. “-tion.”

“And who is it under, Sir?” the server asked in return. A pointless question now but it would be rude to just walk past her.

“Um, either Night Light or Twilight Velvet.”

“Uh… yes. Oh! Miss Velvet has already been seated. This way to your table.” and the now waitress grabbed a laminated menu that had seen much much used and began towards the table he could already see his girlfriend sitting at, smiling widely all the way over.

Velvet smiled and suppressed a small laugh at him being escorted over to her. He sat, pulling, moving the stuff in his pockets around as he did so as to not stab his leg. Their host stood patiently while Night Light took his seat before handing him a menu. Velvet raised a hand to it. “I already ordered, thanks.” and waved her away. She only noticed it had probably come off as rude after she’d done it. Too late now. Speaking of late. “You’re a bit late.”

“How long have you been waiting?” he asked in response.

“Easily over half an hour.” she answered.

“Really? Because the parking slip in your card said ‘begins 7:13’.” and he looked at the clock on the wall reading about 7:22. He turned back to her and raised an eyebrow.

“Ok, I’ve been here ten minutes. But I have ordered. Meat and potatoes right?” inquiring to his usual go to.

“Well some mushroom sauce on the side would be nice too. But I’ll take whatever you can afford.” he half joked. It wasn’t uncommon, well at least it wasn’t when the already uncommon occurrence of them not arriving together already happened, one of them to order for the other before they arrived. It cut down on the dead time of waiting for the food to arrive.

Most couples would use that time to talk. Not these two. They say that taking someone to the movies is a horrible idea for a date because you spend the entire time in the dark, not able to see or talk to one another the entire time. For Velvet and Night Light though it would be a perfect date. Not that they didn’t like to talk, but they were one of those rare few couples that actually, you know, liked being around each other. Weird concept right?

Just leaning on each other’s shoulders doing their own thing. Reading a book while the other watches the game. Writing a book while the other studies. Falling asleep while the other masturbates… yes, that happened once. I’ll let you decide which one was doing what. Of course that isn’t all to say they didn’t talk. Their little back and forth banter as he sat was usual. That their… let’s call it ‘dry wit’ and not ‘being arsehats’, was compatible with one another was the main reason they got along so well.

They only waited about twenty minutes until their food arrived. In that time Velvet had asked a few questions spurred on by her friend’s terrible advice that she was for some reason taking mind of. Questions like what are you going to do after you get your degree, what do you think we’ll be doing this time next year and other subtle questions he see if he thought about the future of their relationship.

When their food arrived, it was clear she was paying for the meal. Clear because her’s cost easily twice as much as his. Of course he’d gotten a thick steak and ‘seasoned wedges, boiled in balsamic oil’ more commonly known as chips [fries for you americans, or potatacrispyduds for you brits, or chups for you kiwis]. Velvet on the other hand had gotten a lobster.

The two of them also had a bottle of wine to share between them. Neither of them actually liked wine but Night Light ignored that as a social drinker and Velvet thought a glass or two should be fine for her to drive home afterwards. Of course if they had mixed up her favourite drink like she’d requested but was denied that would be a different story. She called it a ‘Hey, take a sip of this’ which was made from 50% vodka, 50% lemon juice and boy did it live up to its name. At least until all of her friends got wise to it. Night Light’s friends on the other hoof were still free game whenever she got one.

Velvet finished her lobster tail and had only stolen three of his chips. There were only eight to begin with seeing as how thick cut they were, basically a whole potato cut once like a pizza. Counterpoint: she was paying so it was her food anyway.

Which is where Night Light finally came back in. He made a few large gestures to a waiter off behind Velvet. Much faster than she’d expected a new waiter came up to their table. “Excuse me, could we get a dessert menu please?”

“I’m a little full Night Light.” Velvet stopped him. The waiter had already handed him a menu however.

“I’ll pay.” he offered, which got exactly the response he expected.

“I’ll have a banana sunday float, extra caramel drizzling and a side of whipped cream.” Night Light chuckled and then reached into his pocket, pulled out a few things along with his wallet to check how much he had in it, making a show of letting Velvet see. “Haha… still cheaper than the steak.” she replied cheekily.

He handed the menu back to the waiter and said. “We’ll have one of those jointly.” and handed the menu over half closed. The waiter took it and was off. Velvet, wanting to cleanse her pallet of shellfish before the sweet sweet sugary goodness got here, finished off her second glass of wine.

She looked at the glass for a moment and said “I probably shouldn’t’ve had those…”

“Two glasses is fine. Besides we’re not heading home straight away are we?” he offered in return, thinking she was talking about driving. He was a bit further along than her, only half way through his seconds glass. The difference being he filled the whole glass and drank it half a mug worth at a time. It tended to help with nerves to just throw down the horrible tasting swill in one big swig.

“That’s… not what I meant. Night Light…” she said while thinking ‘This is a horrible idea, desert arrive now and stop me!’ “I really need to know where you see the two of us in the future.”

“Oh? Don’t worry about that. What’s important is right now.” he said, trying to be romantic.

“I’m serious. We’ve been together for three years now and I just want to make sure that we’re still going somewhere. Not staying here.” ‘Ok, he still thinks this is just a relationship talk. No need to say the stupid thing… even if seeing how he reacts is a good indicator of how he’d react if it was true. God, a third glass of wine now would be great. Would blow the act though…’

“I think we should stay right here. Just wait a little longer. And we’ll both know-”

“I’m pregnant.” ‘There. You did it… dumbass. Shut up me. And just watch what he does.’ Night Light was silent for a moment. ‘Pretty standard start.’

“No…” he muttered.

‘Could’ve been a better first word but still not exactly bad.’

“I didn’t… not like this…”

‘Ok, that’s definitely a bad response.’

“I planned… without a kid… without…” he was looking all around the place as he muttered just above being under his breathe. To her, the table, the waiter, back at her, back at the kitchen, the floor, the table again, once more to the floor, then the clock, the roof, the kitchen and the table once more.

‘Stop it… stop it… stop it.’ “Stop it!” she half-shouted. “‘You didn’t’, ‘you planned’, ‘without a kid’. What did you plan without a kid? Our life? YOUR life? Well. even if ‘you didn’t’ you now do. So. What are you going to do now?” her voice was raised but not loud enough that the whole restaurant could hear her. Just the nearby tables. But her yelling made them quiet down letting further tables begin to hear the end of her last words.

“What? No. I, What I mean is I planned for our future. Of course I did. It’s just that a kid ruined it!”

“Well what do you think was going to happen!?” she yelled. She was getting more into this than she really should but that’s because all of her thoughts of how this would go down were him being stunned at first then excited. Maybe a bit worried. But not using words like ruined and… and… ok maybe he only used one word that specifically was negative, but his other neutral words combined made negative sentences.

Sentence. He’d only said one thing. The rational part of her brain started to kick back in. It was still fighting with a part of her brain that didn’t want to call ‘baby crazy’ but kinda was being that. She’d let him speak. “I didn’t want to get married just because I had to.’

‘He’s stupid, you know that… he’ll catch himself soon.’

“In some shotgun wedding forced upon me.”

‘He’ll catch himself soon…’

“I don’t want to get married like that! Just because you have a kid. I don’t think that’s the reason we should be forced to get married. The kid doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t mean anything.”

‘SOON!!!’

“You should just get rid of th-”

‘This is how he feels…’ she thought, drowning out the rest of his words as her eyes began to water. ‘He never… I should’ve never… why did I say it? Why? What is wrong with m-no! This is why I said it. To get this response when it didn’t matter. So that when it did it doesn’t ruin my life with… some buster! I… I… ‘m leaving.’ and she stood up, knocking her seat over backwards as she did.

“Wait!” he called and grabbed her arm.

“-er. Cheque please.” her brain said on autopilot. An awful plan on words… he didn’t even groan though. She did, but not at the joke. Saying nearly silently under her breathe “He’ll catch himself soon… he better!” she turned to him, face crying to simultaneously soften her anger and harden her sadness.

“Can we just stay here. Where we are right now. The two of us?” she pulled her arm from him violently and stormed out of the restaurant well aware everyone was pretending not to look. She both wished, to give them all a show and that she had thought of it sooner at the table for herself, to have thrown a glass of wine at his face. Not in his face. The glass itself. At his face.

“He didn’t say that.” Twilight said with incredulity.

“No… those were my exact words. Honestly, I’m surprised you remember them so well.” and Night Light got an angry stare from Twilight in return.

Velvet put a hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Well, they hurt a lot at the time.”

“How could you say something like that to her?” Shining asked. “What if that had been me? Obviously I'm here so…” he said and trailed off, not quite sure how this all ended all of a sudden. “Did you not mean it or change your mind?”

“Oh, I meant every word of it.” he said with no shame at all. “You’re just looking at it from the view of someone who wanted to be angry. ‘I didn’t want to get married just because I had to. In some shotgun wedding forced upon me. I don’t want to get married like that! Just because you have a kid. I don’t think that’s the reason we should be forced to get married. The kid doesn’t matter at all. It doesn’t mean anything. You should just get rid of…’ are you ready for the part she somehow missed? …’the idea that we’d be together for any reason than why we already are. Ar-are you listening?’.”

“Doubt.” Cadence chimed in. “That seems too covenant that she zoned out right there and missed the part that changed the whole context of what you were saying.”

“I’d say inconvenient.” Night Light grumbled. “My guess, and believe me I thought back on this hundreds of times the days after, is she heard ‘get rid of’ and assumed I meant an abortion. Which then made my next ‘Can we just stay here. Where we are right now. The two of us?’ seem way worse. It was a literal statement…”

“Maybe she’ll come back and see…” the waiter said as he arrived and placed the banana sunday float, extra caramel drizzling, a side of whipped cream and something extra Velvet hadn’t ordered but Night Light secret had: an engagement ring.

Making sure Velvet saw him looking at his wallet had been a cover to pull the ring box out and fold it into the menu. He had organised it with the restaurant when he’d booked the reservation and was pretty sure there was a note by his listing given the hostess’ initial reaction. But just to be safe he also had a note saying ‘ENGAGEMENT SURPRISE do not let her see this!’ on the box. He’d stopped by Jet’s place to pick it up since he couldn’t risk keeping that at their place. And had to hand the menu to the waiter in a way that he could see the box and note but not let Velvet see it yet making the hand off quite awkward.

“I don’t mean to make this any worse but…” the waiter said holding a reciet. “It sounded like she was the one paying for the meals.”

Author's Note

Delet’d scene
Just leaning on each other’s shoulders doing their own thing on a laptop or phone was how they wait… this is the 90s…

Set

“So… she say 'yes'?” Jet asked as he walked up to him at the table. Night Light just glared at him as he put the nearly empty bottle of beer down next to the two others, one of which was the wine bottle, and a large now empty ice cream bowl. “Too soon. Got it.” he said and picked up the bill left on the table. Night Light had paid most of it but he was still a bit short. Plus he needed a ride home… which he wasn’t sure where that was right now since he and Velvet shared an apartment.

Even in his wildest worst case scenarios none of them ended with her saying no. He didn’t understand it. Hell, one of those scenarios had been her telling him she was pregnant and even that ended with hot engagment sex under the boardwalks at the peir with the bonus thrill of ‘Well you can’t get more pregnant.’ “I just don’t know what went wrong.”

“Pffhhahaha…” came from a two tables over. He looked at the couple it had come from. They saw him looking. “Sorry…” the woman said before muttering to the person with her “I swear if you propose to me like that you’re getting the same answer.”

“Let’s just go…” Night Light stood and walked out of the restaurant. He looked down the now dark street to where Velvet’s car had been parked and there was already a different car there. Jet’s car. He wondered if she had been out there until not long before he arrived for it to still be empty when Jet parked. He normally sat in the passenger seat up front but instead opened a back door and crawled in.

“You can lay down but put a belt on anyway. Can’t afford the fine.” Jet turned on the ignition and reversed out. “So I take it it was more than just a ‘no’ from the way those two dykes laughed.”

“DAD!!!” Twilight yelled.

“Hey, Jet said it, not me. Remember, it was the 90s and people weren't as accepting of that yet.”

“This whole 90's thing doesn’t really seem to be that important to the story.” Shining Armour added.

“Oh, well I’m sorry you being born 20 years ago doesn’t affect the narrative that much…”

After telling Jet word-for-word what he’d said and saying it out loud, Night Light began to realise what what he’d said must’ve sounded like without the knowledge that a ring was about twenty seconds away when she walked out. “I blame you for this.” he said to his friend.

“Ok…” Jet responded, letting his friend vent. “But why?”

“I didn’t want people to think we were just getting married because we had to.”

“No one would care.”

“I would!”

“Well… that’s on you.” Jet said flatly. “You’re not even religious or anything. Why would you even care?”

Night Light held for a second. He couldn’t really say this without coming off as a bit of an arse. “I didn’t want my marriage to be anything like yours.”

“I had a ‘shotgun wedding’ just because I got her pregnant?” he asked, guessing that’s what Night Light had been thinking about when he’d said to Velvet. In fairness, Jet had probably used the phrase himself once or twice too.

“Followed by a shotgun devorse less than half a year later.”

“Four months exactly.” Jet corrected. And under his breathe “She wasn’t even born yet…” he said softly. But right now wasn’t the time for his self pity when Night Light had his own, much fresher. “We didn’t work because she was a casual hookup that had a hiccup. You, you were dating for three years. That’s a completely different story.”

“Think she’ll forgive me if I explain everything? That that whole kerfuffle was just a mi-”

“‘Kerfuffle’.” Jet sing-song-said.

“-sunderstanding.”

“Oh yeah. Absolutely.” Jet replied.

“I need a real answer…”

“That was.” he looked at his friend in the rearview mirror. “Do you want to have a kid with her?”

“I… yeah. I guess. I just-”

“Stop talking. That's all you need to say to her. As long as you can say that much without shoving your other foot in your mouth too you’re golden ponyboy.”

“You’re right… I just feel so bad about this whole thing.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation I’m sure she feels just as bad.”

“That’s exactly why I feel bad dumbarse.”

“Oh… right.”

“Change of plans. Let’s head to my place instead.”

“Uh…” Jet let out.

“‘Uh’ what?” and then the car bumped a bit as it went up Jet’s driveway. “Oh.”

Meanwhile, on the same block as the restaurant, just around the corner from it.

The music in the club blared as Velvet, bottle of vodka in one hand and a storebrand squeezy bottle of lemon juice in the other, sang along “-no scrub. Scrubs is a chump who can’t get no love from me. Hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend’s ride. Trying to holla at me! Scrubs checking me and I don’t know the lines but I sing it anyway in time with the tu-une!”

“Well that’s telling…” Vee said as she walked up to Velvet. She’d been called from the pay phone out front and told to get here immediately. “Velvet… sorry abou-”

“Vee! You’re here! Hey, try some of this!” as she pushed the bottles up top of her friend's mouth, tilted one and squeezed the other.

A quick sputtering and coughing erupted from her before “Damn it Velvet I drove here!” which got a laugh in return. Vee couldn’t be too mad at her right now. She knew how crappy a serious breakup could be. “Listen… I’m sorry about giving you that stupid advice. Heh, didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to actually take it. Uh, but uh… I know you must feel like shi-”

“Hold on one second. Scrub is a chump who can’t get no love from me. Hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend’s ride. Trying to holla at me! Sorry, love this song!”

“I know you must feel like sh-”

“Has nothing to do with Night Light though. Sorry, you were saying?”

Vee just raised a hand to her temple and groaned. “Sad because of him.” Velvet hated swearing for some reason, as if she wasn’t a groan fucking adult.

“Sad? No. Happy if anything. Your idea worked. He didn’t want a kid and didn’t seem to see us as anything more than dating forever. And if you’re not dating to get married, you’re dating to break up. And that’s exactly what I’m doing tonight. No, actually, they're what I'm doing tonight!” and she pointed to two guys hanging out at the bar looking over the floor. The obvious way they were looking out for some girl or another to start up with oblivious to the fact two woman where looking at them the same way made them perfect throw away buckboys.

Vee for her part wasn’t against the idea. She’d already paid for a sitter so she might as well get her money’s worth. Besides, it's not like she wasn’t buzzed driving here in the first place. “Give me that bottle. No, the booze bottle!” she said, swatting one of her friend's hands away and swiping it from the other.

Vee started drinking. “So which one do you want? The tall one or the buff one? Vee?” all she got in response was Vee raising her hand to hold up a single finger in a ‘one moment’ gesture as she kept drinking.

The formerly nearly-full 1.25 litre bottle slowly emptied as she tilted her head back further to keep the flow going. When she finally finished Vee dropped the bottle and ‘Aggghh……’ loudly, rolling the sound then let a disproportionately small burp out. “Don’t care.” and she walked past Velvet towards the two guys, grabbing her friend by the arm pulling her along with her.

“Vee sounds like a complete T H O T.” Twilight said.

“I don’t know what exactly that means… but yeah, she is.” Night Light laughed.

“So I take it Mom didn’t sleep with one of those guys.” Shining followed.

“Ughh….”

“MOM!!!”

“I’m not proud of what I did that night. And yes Vee may be a thot but she saved your lives that night.”