The Good Stuff

by Aes

Rating: teen
Tags: Narcotics, Other, Trixie, Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1447

"Do you have what Trixie asked for?"     Twilight felt like she was watching a drug deal in real time.   Mostly because she was.  That was exactly what she was doing.

  "We could get arrested for this."

 Trixie rolled her eyes at her, the lavender glow of her magic the only thing illuminating their surroundings.

   "Like the great and powerful Trixie would be afraid of the guard, Twilight." She huffed.

  This was a no-good-very-bad idea, Twilight decided right then and there. She raised a hoof to catch the magician's attention-

And was interrupted.

Published 2020-04-04 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-04 05:50:01 UTC

The Goods

"We could get arrested for this."

Trixie rolled her eyes at her, the lavender glow of her magic the only thing illuminating their surroundings.

"Like the great and powerful Trixie would be afraid of the guard, Twilight." She huffed.

This was a no-good-very-bad idea, Twilight decided right then and there. She raised a hoof to catch the magician's attentio-

Click!

"Oh thank goodness," The criminal breathed a sigh of relief when her lockpicking spell finally pulled through. She crept through the doorway, pausing only when she realized Twilight wasn't following.

"Equestria to Twilight Sparkle, you there?" Her voice was steeped in impatience, and she flicked her tail at the other unicorn to try and get her attention.

Twilight was a little too busy trying to figure out a way to trespass without breaking the law, hoof still held in the air.

"...Um."

"Listen, do you want the Hypnos Poppy or not?" Trixie glared at her, "She said we had to meet here."

"And that's really suspicious!" She blurted out, "What if she plans to get us alone in this abandoned warehouse and sell our horns on the black market? What if she's part of the guard and she's setting us up so my brother can catch us and tell Princess Celestia? What if she's a changeling?"

"Cipher Splash is not a changeling," Trixie groaned, her great and powerful patience wearing thin, "...And if she harvests our horns for the black market, Trixie will eat her prized hat. That's how much she knows that's not going to happen."

"But what if-"

"That's it!" Trixie yanked her past the threshold of the doorway with a burst of magic, "Trixie is done arguing with you. She only agreed to help you get the Hypnos Poppy because you forced her hoof, and now you're making the whole ordeal difficult. This was your idea, in case you've forgotten."

Twilight stumbled before regaining her balance, heavy saddlebags complicating the matter.

"How was I supposed to know they're an illegal substance??" She shouted in frustration, rattling dust off of the rafters, "It's just a flower!"

"Loud, ain't'cha?"

If asked later, Twilight would insist she did not jump a hoof in the air when a stranger's voice interrupted them. She would never do that, she was Twilight Sparkle, a calm and collected unicorn who's never been startled in her life.

The pony stepped closer, and Twilight made out her features more clearly. A bright orange unicorn with a tightly curled mane and critical blue eyes that gave her and Trixie a once over.

Trixie took the lead, giving the dealer a winning "I know what I'm doing" smile.

"So sorry about the noise, Splash. Do you have what Trixie asked for?"

Twilight felt like she was watching a drug deal in real time.

Mostly because she was.

That was exactly what she was doing.

...She was going to faint.

Cipher Splash levitated a covered vase from a satchel covering her flank, blue magic lifting the cloth on top to reveal-

Twilight gasped, aneurysm temporarily forgotten in favor of the eye-catching flower before her.

The Hypnos Poppy was a brilliant specimen, a radiant six-petaled poppy with a strong stem, a healthy example of its species propped up by a thin guiding stick for good measure.

But what was most captivating was its color. Unlike a normal flower, Hypnos Poppies' petals constantly shifted colors in swirling rainbow patterns, designed to lure animals into staring until they were eaten by something larger, enriching the soil for the plant.

Cipher Splash was saying something, but it drifted right past Twilight. Trixie was beside her, and then she wasn't, and she felt the recoil of a failed teleportation spell roll over her from nearby, but it just didn't seem very important. The poppy really was fasci-

"For Celestia's sake, Twilight!"

A blue and purple smear yanked her eyes away from the flower by means of a full body takedown, sending her and the smear rolling head over hooves with each other. Her ears rang, and she could still see phantom lights dancing in her vision. The smear (Trixie?) staggered to her hooves beside her, her signature hat sitting dirty and askew on her head.

Somepony else- a lot of somepony elses, she corrected herself- surrounded them, trapping them against the wall of the warehouse.

"Give it up, Trixie, my ponies have you outnumbered. You really thought you could step back onto Canterlot turf and play nice without paying for what you did to Parasol?"

"Trixie said she was sorry about the incident! Really, it was her fault for flying over a live fireworks show-" Trixie squeaked when the orange mare lowered her horn, blue magic charging up. She backed up, just about tripping over Twilight.

Twilight, who was very confused, had one thing straight: Trixie had not given her the full story.

She wasn't even surprised, just kind of disappointed in her. Again.

"Trixie," She hissed, rubbing her throbbing head with a hoof, "What is she talking about?"

"We-well, the humble and very apologetic Trixie," She gave Cipher Splash's henchponies a sheepish glance, "May have… held an unlicensed fireworks show here a few months ago. It was a good show! She just, ah…"

"You just what?"

"Hit a weatherpony with a Roneigh Candle and knocked her through a nearby window?"

Twilight glared. Trixie winced, before a sharp intake of breath.

"AndTheWeatherponyWasCipherSplash'sMarefriendWhoHadToBeTakenToTheHospitalAndTrixieRanAwaySoSheWouldn'tHaveToCoverTheMedicalBill."

Twilight was sure her eye twitched.

"I hate you, Trixie."

"Yeah, Trixie hates Trixie too."

Cipher Splash launched her blast of magic, and Twilight grabbed Trixie with both forehooves before her own horn exploded with light, and they were gone.

Cipher Splash cursed.

"Damn it! I already had a buyer for the horns and everything."

-

Twilight hit the ground with a yelp, her saddlebags sliding across the pavement before thudding into the wall on the other side of the alley. Trixie groaned nearby, hidden under the puddle of her cloak.

"You mind explaining what in the hay that was about?" Twilight snapped at her, bracing herself against the wall for support.

Trixie mumbled something incomprehensible in reply.

"I can't hear you through your stupid cloak!"

Trixie shoved the cloak off of herself, and in the moonlight Twilight could finally see the singed hairs at the ends of her mane, and the scorch marks seared across her hat and cloak.

"If you wanted-"

"What happened to your mane?"

If looks could kill, Spike would be reading out Twilight's will right then.

"The same thing that happened to your brain, apparently. While you were making goo-goo eyes with satan's psychedelic sunflower, I was busy being a one pony defense squad. If you hadn't noticed, it was a set-up." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Twilight was silent for a moment, chastised, before a thought made her indignant all over again: "Why would you trust a pony that wants you dead?!"

"Isn't your whole thing second chances? You hang out with a literal god of chaos, and you befriended Nightmare Moon like you were inviting somepony to a slumber party."

"Not if they're actively trying to-!" Actually, Nightmare Moon was pretty actively attacking her the whole time- "Not unless they-!" And Discord wasn't willing to reform at first- "I… Yeah, you got me. But at least tell me if you're going to be getting me put on a hitlist somewhere!"

Trixie snickered, and then chuckled, and then burst out laughing.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Twilight, you're-" She snorted, "You're on so many ponies' shitlists, there's probably a dozen prices set to your name."

"What? I help ponies, why would I be-"

"Ponies hate ponies that are better than them. You're the most talented unicorn any of us have ever met, even Trixie is a little-" She froze, clapping a hoof over her mouth.

"...A little what?"

"Nothing! Trixie was saying she's a little hungry, so we should probably get out of here and get something to eat."

"You were going to say you're jealous, weren't you?" Twilight's voice took on a teasing tone, grinning when she watched Trixie's face turn red.

"She was not!"

"Was too."

"Was n-" Trixie bit down on her words, glancing away, "You know what, whatever, Trixie has too many first degree burns to put up with this right now."

"So you admit it?" She prodded her with a hoof, her grin reaching shit-eating capacity.

"I never said that," Trixie rolled her eyes, "Believe what you want."

They trotted down the abandoned street in silence for a few minutes, before Twilight coughed awkwardly.

"So. Donut Joe's?"

"Donut Joe's."

Author's Note

I was looking at some background ponies, and Cipher Splash caught my eye.