Bruh

by Lame Joke

Rating: teen
Tags: Spitfire, Profanity, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Soarin, Rainbow Dash
Length: 1283

Stupidity takes over equestria

Imagine if ponies have no brains. Yeah, that’s what is probably gonna happen
edit: reached 69 views!

Published 2020-04-22 11:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-22 11:40:01 UTC

Rainbow dash always dresses in style

Rainbow dash flew out of her cloud house and down onto Ponyville. All the ponies stared at Dash strangely.

"What? It's not like I have piss dripping down my legs!" Dash yelled, disgusted by the ponies' attitude.

They just stared herder at Dash. She looked down, only to discover that she indeed have piss dripping down her legs! With a loud shriek, she shot back up into the air and off to her cloud house while the ponies resumed their activities, wrinkling their nose at the terrible stench of piss.

Dash scrubbed hard at her... down there, trying her best to remove all the evidence that she had spilled the milk. When she finished scrubbing, her... down there was red as f:yay:ck, as if she had spilled ketchup from her bladder instead of urine. Heaving a sigh of relief, she turned to look at her calendar, in case she had forgotten any big events that had happened. Her eyes widened in shock.

"ITS PINKIE'S WEDDING TODA... wait no wrong date. I have Wonderbolts practice later though, better get geared up," Dash walked off nonchalantly as if she had done nothing embarrassing.

Few minutes later, Dash flew from her window (gotta make use of opening windows) to the Wonderbolt academy. While flying, she remembered that she had read about birds not having bladders, as bladders are too heavy for flying creatures or something. Then she wondered how does pegasi fly even, since they do not have hollow bones, and have bladders, thus theoratically making them impossible to achieve flight. She then slapped herself hard across the face. You're becoming Twilight, egghead, she insulted herself, and continued the rest of the flight without any nerdy thoughts.

"'Sup Crash, what took you so long? Dumped your head in a toilet bowl?" Instead of Spitfire, Soarin stood at the field.

"Where's Spit? I thought she's the captain?" Dash asked, ignoring the remark about her head.

"Oh. I got hold of her most secretest secret, and I threatened to tell everypony if she don't let me be the captain!" Soarin cackled.

"What's the secret? Tell me!" Dash smiled, supressing her laughter.

"I caught her snogging... her mom!"

"WHAT"

"Just kidding, she would never do that. I caught her watching 'my little human'!"

Dash cocked her head to the right, visibly confused.

"And why is that bad?"

"Don't you know? People who watches 'my little human' are called bromans, and they are viewed on by the public as childish and are thought to be paedophiles!"

Dash raised her eyebrows and nodded her head. She proceeded to the locker room.

"Right. I'm gonna go change now,"

Dash trodded into the locker room, and found a distraught Spitfire wailing her eyes out.

"What happened?" Dash asked, before knowing that she already knew the answer.

"Soarin knows I watch 'my little human', I'm so- crap, i just said it out." Spitfire stopped crying, "F:yay:ck"

"Don't worry. I will help you," Dash smiled to Spitfire, before pulling her flight suit out of the locker.

Soarin was waiting at the field when Dash approached him angrily.

"Soarin! apologise to Spitfire now!"

"Why?"

"Had you looked at her? She's so upset! All because of YOU!"

"Uh huh"

"You're such a flankhole!"

Soarin leaned closer to Dash, his mischievous smile could not help but show.

"Aw come on, I'm not that bad," Soarin winked, "I just wanna... smash your face,"

Dash pushed Soarin away crinkling her brows. She flew back to the locker room, where she walked past the hopeful Sptfire without a word and took her stuff and flew back home. She is disgusted by Soarin's behaviour, first bullying Spitfire then trying to hit on her. She flung herself onto her bed, trying to sleep even though it was still three in the afternoon. Rolling around in her bed, she thought of what happened earlier at the academy. Soarin's face swarmed her mind, dancing around and catching her attention everytime she tried to pull herself away from him.

I do not like Soarin, she thought to herself over and over again. His face, however, just kept flooding Dash's mind, filling her up with old memories, when they had gone to see that Daring Do movie, when they had gone for a picnic, when they had... We are just good friends, Dash thought, just good friends. Very good friends. I do not like him, he does not like me. I like only my mom, my dad and myself, I do not like Soarin.

Eventually Dash drifted off to sleep.

Dash's consiousness awoken, but her mind was still sleepy. She had felt something hard and heavy against her hoof. What was that? Debating whether to look at whatever the thing is at her hooves, Dash decided that one small peek would never hurt anypony. She slowly opened her eyes...

There was Soarin sitting on her bed, smiling at her.

Dash was immediately jolted awake, but nopony was there. Huh, she thought, so I'm hallucinating now.

"I just wanna... smash your face," Dash could hear Soarin saying that in her mind. She could see his face waving around before her eyes again.

"S...shut the f:yay:ck up Soarin," Dash said to nopony in particular, yawning as she laid herself back onto her bed again, and sleep overtook her once again.

Dash was awoken again. She had felt the same thing, the hard and heavy object again. Groggily opening her eyes, she saw Soarin again.

She jolt herself awake, to make sure that she was not seeing things like last time, but now the image of Soarin did not disappear. There sat Soarin, smiling at her, sitting on her bed! Dash gasped and sat up.

"Soarin! What the f:yay:ck are you doing here?" Dash yelped.

"Language Dash," Soarin scolded playfully, leaning in closer to Dash as she scooped herself further from him, "What do you think I am here for?"

Dash could not resist herself any longer. She leapt forward and grabbed Soarin by the neck. Soarin smiled, as if he knows what was about to happen next. Dash locked eyes with him, the magenta connecting with the green, and she went in for the lips. The two of them were pushed down onto the bed by the force and excitement of Dash's movement. She went straight for the tongue, hers enveloping his in a warm embrace. The kiss of affection had turned into a kiss of passion, as Dash and Soarin thrashed around in bed.

Then, Soarin pulled himself away from Dash. He looked down upon Dash, whose cheeks were heavily tinged with pink as she breathed heavily, gasping for air. He let out a cheeky smile, and went back to action. He kissed Dash's neck, and a moan of pleasure escaped from her mouth. He pulled Dash and rested her head on his chest, while he nibbled on her ear and brushed a hair, letting out more gasps from Dash.

Dash pulled herself up and levelled her eyes with Soarin's, and went for another kiss, her lips pressed hard against his. Soarin pulled Dash closer to him and danced his tongue around in Dash's mouth, He could feel Dash's heart beating, the heat of her body and the fluff of her fur and feathers as they rolled around in the bed.

Dash pulled away from the kiss, ending it. She gazed seductively at Soarin, who gave his signature smile back at her.

"I can call the police on you for intruding, ya know," Dash said.

"I know you won't," Soarin chuckled, and attacked Dash again.

The night had lasted long.

Author's Note

i dont wanna write clop