The Princess of Alcohol

by SamuelK28

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, Berry Punch, Alternate Universe, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Tempest Shadow, Sex
Length: 4766

Applejack and Rainbow want to open a bar in Ponyville, Twilight tells them they can't.

Five years after her coronation, Twilight has to inform her friends of her biggest secret after denying Applejack's and Rainbow's request to turn one of Sweet Apple Acres Barns into a Bar/Restaurant.

Edit: Tried to tidy some grammar up a bit, few more commas, that sort of stuff, hope it looks a little better, but remember that I do this for fun not as a job so don't expect perfection please. Also be aware I use Queen's English, so some words may look different to Americans, colour, apologise etc.

Published 2020-04-13 18:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-13 18:40:01 UTC

Twilight's Secret

5 Years After Twilight's Coronation

"Oh yeah and who remembers Twilight Inferno after she couldn't understand my Pinkie Sense." Pinkie Pie giggled across the table in the council chamber.

Four of the other five mares surrounding the table chuckled, as the other, the ruler of Equestria, looked sheepish.

"Please don't remind me" Twilight stated bashfully. "Although they were fun times. It is a shame we can't meet up more often, but I guess that is a part of life, you grow up and develop lives of your own that can often diverge from your friends. The most important thing is to remember to always make the effort to maintain your friendships no matter how far away they are or hard it may be to do so."

"Twilight, you're not Celestia's student anymore" Rainbow Dash deadpanned, causing a few more chuckles across the table.

"Oh no matter what anyone says I'll always be her student in my heart. Now as we've all got important lives to get back to I suggest we call this meeting to a halt till next month. Unless their are any objections or further items to discuss." Twilight dictated looking across the table at her joint rulers.

"I have Sugarcube." Applejack piped in. "Me and Rainbow have a request and a favour to ask."

"Well go ahead. If there is anything I can help you two with you know you just have to ask."

"Thanks Twi. Well you see, since you left Ponyville's population has been growing exponentially year on year alongside tourism. It was Dash's idea really and although I initially turned it down the more and more I think about it the more and more doable it seems. We would like to turn one of the barns into a bar/restaurant serving an assortment of Apple family products along with some other items."

"OH YEAH, it's going to be awesome." Rainbow interrupted suddenly getting a glare from her marefriend that swiftly quietened her down. "Sorry AJ, I'm just super excited for this venture is all." Rainbow blushed as AJ leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

"It's alright love." Applejack smirked, knowing her marefriend despised public affection. "Anyway where was I. Ah yes. You see Ponyville only has three restaurants, and that's if you count Sugarcube corner, and only one public house, all of which are doing super business with the influx of ponies and creatures in recent years. With this influx unlikely to slow down anytime soon, not only is a new establishment unlikely to impact the income of current businesses, but would also prove to be beneficial to Ponyville in preventing overcrowding at such facilities in the near future. We were hoping that you would be able to grant us a royal loan so that we could make the necessary alterations along with the necessary paperwork required for a change of use of a premises. Over time, if it proves a success, we may also be able to hire some staff to assist with running it, thus providing jobs for the locals. I know there's a lot of red tape to overcome, but I'm sure the locals wouldn't object to it." Applejack explained looking at Twilight hopefully, but suddenly seeing the look on her friends face knew the answer wasn't going to be the one she was expecting to hear. "Twi what's wrong? I'd thought you'd be all for it and you know you can trust me to pay the government back over time."

Twilight sighed and looked at Applejack wearily. "The restaurant should be absolutely fine but afraid due to recent legislation Berry's Bar is the only public house allowed in Ponyville or a five mile radius of the town. Furthermore, I have no jurisdiction over new bars or any venue or store selling alcohol, thus if you wished to sell any at your restaurant you would need to speak...."

"That's bullcrap Twi and you know it. " Rainbow Dash had leapt out her chair and was now muzzle to muzzle with the princess "you are the princess, you can make it happen." She growled ominously as AJ pulled on her marefriend's tail to pull her back to her seat."

Twilight sighed again "No, I can't" as Rainbow returned to her seat with a thump pouting with her forehooves crossed across her chest."

"Darling, is there something you are not telling us. You are the princess after all so surely you must have control over your entire kingdom?" Rarity inquired.

"Twilight you know you can trust us with a secret, we are your best friends." Fluttershy added.

"No, it's nothing." Twilight laughed as a bead of sweat formed on her brow and a creepy smile came across her face. "You all know how tough running a country is, so I may have hired some ponies to assist in some of the more minor areas."

Applejack gave her a deadpan expression. "Twi, if you don't give me the honest truth in the next 30 seconds..."

Whatever AJ was about to say no pony would ever know as at that exact moment the doors to the meeting room burst open and a mulberry earth pony waltzed in downing a bottle of something that was almost certainly alcoholic. An exasperated Gallus and another guard followed her, whilst an unconcerned Tempest Shadow followed them.

"Sorry princess, tried to stop her but she just pushed us aside like we were training dummies and her own entourage wasn't much help." Gallus gasped, glaring at the purple mare behind them.

"Newbie, you'll learn sooner or later that nobody can stop my sister when she wants to do something. Might I also state that at the time I was strapped to a cart pulling five barrels of punch. Not my fault the royal guard are still such incompetent fools" Tempest calmly declared before turning her attention towards her sister and ignoring Gallus's death stare. "Now sister, do you think we can return to the waiting area and let Twilight finish her meeting with her friends."

"Oh Fizzie, you're no fun. Sure Sparkie won't mind us staying as she tries to explain to her friends..." Berry Punch started

"Shut it" Twilight spat.

"Oh c'mon Sparkie it has been five years, surely your friends can keep secret" "hic".

Twilight's eyes were turning red, her ethereal mane into fire. Tempest tried to intercept and calm the situation.

"Sister, that is Twilight's decision not yours. Now please let us return to the hallway and wait for Twilight's meeting with her friends to be over."

"No Fizzie." Berry cried, teary eyed as she downed another swig of her liquor. "She's ashamed of me and the night of passion we shared. All I did that evening was to try to ensure my business could continue. I didn't ask for all of this."

And before anyone could react, a blinding white light filled the room. As it slowly receded, there, standing half a foot taller and now with a horn and wings, was Berry Punch. In the same instance the whole room had been encased in a magical bubble by Twilight.

"Seee" Berry slurred. "You are ashamed and want to hide me from the world Sparkie. Otherwise what's with the bubble all of a sudden. Ooooo Pinkie you are looking exceptionally pink today."

Pinkie blushed.

Tempest sighed thinking that it had at least lasted longer than she'd expected.

Rainbow fell of her chair in a fit of giggles.

Twilight had closed her eyes and was taking deep breaths trying to get her anger under control.

Everypony and griffon else was staring open mouthed looking back and forth between Twilight and Berry Punch.

Finally after what felt like an age Twilight spoke. "Girls, may I introduce you to Princess Pinot Noir, Princess of Alcoholic Beverages and Intoxicating Liquors."

Dash, who'd only just managed to regain her composure and pull herself of the floor fell back once again in a fit of giggles. "Oh Sweet Celestia stop, you're killing me. This is comedy gold."

Twilight set her tail on fire.

"Yow" Dash shot upright bringing her tail around and tried to extinguish it with her hooves. She was failing miserably before AJ deposited a glass of water atop it. "Not cool Twi, not cool".

"You deserved that Sugarcube. Now how about you explain what the buck is going on Twi." Applejack demanded "And why in Equestria is Ponyville's town drunk a freaking alicorn!"

"Hey, I resent that remark." Berry chastised, taking another swig from her bottle before finding it empty and hurling it over her shoulder before another magically appeared in its place as the former smashed against the wall. "How would you like the tax on alcoholic apple products to rise from 10 to 100%?"

"WHAT! Tell me she can't do that Twilight." Applejack screamed.

"She can. Princess Noir has full control over any alcoholic beverage related business in the kingdom, from, for example, whether a bar or shop selling such products wish to change their opening hours, to taxes levied on such products, or if any new establishment wishes to open selling such products." A resigned Twilight admitted slumping in her chair, all the fire and anger gone from her eyes and mane.

Applejack stared at Twilight open mouthed for a second. "Twi, I'm going to be brutally honest here. WHAT IN TARNATION OCCURRED THAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS A SMART IDEA." She screamed. "Do you not recall the time Cheerilee had to send half her class home because this pony", she pointed a hoof theatrically at Berry Punch, "sent her younger sister and daughter to school with a bottle of wine each instead of their lunches."

"Be careful Jackie, you're treading a fine line right now. Be a shame if cider season was suddenly cancelled due to Sweet Apple Acres falling foul of health code violations in its production." Berry said sweetly as she took another swig from her latest bottle of booze.

"You wouldn't dare. You know without the money from cider season Apple Acres would go under." Applejack snarled.

"Applejack, once again she can." Twilight interjected. "And as 90% of the time she's awake she seems to be drinking, I'd very much suggest not pushing her."

Applejack though it over for a moment before simply deciding to turn to the mulberry alicorn and grumble "I apologise for offending you your highness. Would you like to take a seat so that we may discuss this latest development."

Dash snickered.

Berry simply ignored her and pulled a chair over from one side of the room and sat down next to Twilight. "Why thank you Jackie, apology accepted. Now who wants to hear what Sparkie likes to do with her horn in her free time."

Rarity fainted.

"Oh my." Fluttershy eeped, her cheeks going a shade of red.

Rainbow broke out once again into full blown laughter accompanied this time by Pinkie Pie.

Applejack pulled her stetson down over her face as it turned a shade more akin to that of the apples of her cutie mark.

The guards just stared at each other awkwardly, whilst Tempest nonchalantly went and stood at her sisters side.

Twilight's eyes had returned to the colour of the lava pits of Tartarus. "Don't you dare. If anyone is telling them about what happened it shall be me and me alone. Firstly, Gallus, Lookout, guard the door, let no creature enter until I come out. Furthermore if either of you ever spill what you've just seen or heard hear to any creature, you'll find yourself in Canterlot's insane pony asylum for the rest of your days and that's if you are lucky, got it."

"Yes mam" the two guards stammered, exiting the room hastily as Twilight's spell was lifted for just a moment.

As the ponies all recovered from the latest bombshell dropped by the Princess of Alcohol and returned to their seats, their eyes once again fixed firmly on the Princess of Friendship.

"Right girls, what I'm about to tell you is strictly confidential and must not be spoken about at any point outside this room. If this were to get out it would cause a national scandal. Aside from Berry, only me and Tempest knew her secret up and til today. Not even Celestia or Luna know what happened. It all began late into the night of my coronation....

*
5 years earlier

It was gone midnight in Canterlot castle and Twilight was finally heading to bed. Yawning loudly, her head drooped as she pushed open the door to her chambers.

"Ah, finally." A voice called from within her chambers.

"Huh, what the?" Twilights head shot up to see Berry Punch, Ponyville's barkeeper, sitting carefree in one of two armchairs that surrounded a small circular table. She was sipping a glass of wine which, Twilight guessed, must have come from the barrel next to her. "Mrs Punch, sorry for the bluntness, but what the buck are you doing in my personal chambers at this hour?"

"Simply put my dear, Princess Celestia sent me to deliver her coronation present to you. Hear, read this."

A scroll flew towards Twilight and reacting quickly she managed to catch it in her magic before Unfurling and reading it.

My dearest Twilight,

I hope this message finds you well and apologies for the shock Berry must have caused you. Anyway, as you may have figured out by now alicorns have a different genetic makeup to the other three pony breeds. Most of these are usually beneficial but some can be a little irritating. One of these is that most alcoholic beverages and recreational drugs seem to have minimal effect upon us due to our higher metabolisms. Now, you may be shocked to hear that your mentor would even consider indulging in such harmful substances, but when you have days where Nobles are demanding improved healthcare services but refuse to pay anymore taxes to fund such advances or have to hear Blueblood prattle on for the 1000th time that Earth Ponies are no more than mindless cretins and should only live to serve the elite, you'll understand why a relaxing drink that lowers your inhibitions, even for a short while, could be seen as beneficial and help you relax after such days.

Anyway several years ago upon one of my earliest visits to you in Ponyville I discovered the local Barkeep illegally creating and selling her own alcohol in her bar, aptly named Berry's Punch after herself. Although initially I was going to shut her down and arrest her for countless law infringements, she tried to cut a deal. If her beverage got me drunk I'd drop all charges and turn a blind eye to what she was doing in exchange for receiving one barrel of punch every second new moon from her. If it failed to, she'd admit guilty to all charges. I'm unsure what made me do it, maybe it was her confidence in her product, maybe it was because I was desperate to find something, after 1000 years that could get me absolutely shitfaced. Yes, you read that right. Anyway, Luna found me passed out atop one of Canterlot Castle's tallest towers the next morning after the sun didn't rise on time. It was the best alcoholic beverage I'd ever drunk in my entire time as Equestria's ruler and after regaining my senses I waived all the charges and have been receiving a barrel every two moons ever since. As the new ruler of Equestria, it is up to you to decide whether you wish to let such an activity continue or not, but I hope once you've tried Berry's Punch, you'll agree that my indiscretion was justified,

Princess Celestia

"So care to try some Sparkie?" Berry inquired as Twilight finished reading the scroll and raised her head to her uninvited midnight guest.

"One glass. Then you can sleep in the guest chambers next door and I'll make my verdict in the morning once I've slept."

"Whatever you say Sparkie" 'hic' Berry downed her glass and poured herself and Twilight another.

Twilight sat down in the armchair opposite Berry and lifted the glass up to her mouth, taking a dainty sip. It was good, know that was underselling it. It was heaven, pure bliss and before she knew it the glass was empty.

"My, that was unbelievable. What in Equestria is in this?"

"Sorry Sparkie, that's a family secret. Now are you going to bed or would you like another?"

Twilight levitated her glass over to Berry. "Just one more".

Berry's grin widened. This was going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

*
"And that's all you really need to know. We talked for a while, I ended up drinking way to much and the next thing I remember was being woke up by Spike the next morning as it was an hour after the sun was supposed to be up. Berry was lying next to me but now with wings and horn. Of course I absolutely freaked. Long story short, she agreed to hide her new form if I refused any other bars from setting up in or around Ponyville and if I hired her as Equestria's minister of Alcoholic Beverages and Intoxicating Liquors. This means she has complete control over that industry within the borders of Equestria. Of course I only agreed to this with a condition or two in place, the main one being she'd need a minimum of one guard with her at all times.

"And I still hate you for that. Just like my sister to drag me into this chaos." Tempest lambasted.

Twilight ignored the interruption. "Anyway, before you ask, I have no idea how or why I turned Berry into an alicorn or what really transpired throughout the course of that night and I'm to afraid to face Celestia's wrath for abusing my power. My word is that punch something else though." She looked away dreamily for a moment.

It was, of course, Rainbow Dash who brought her back to her senses "Oh so you mean you have no memory of bucking her senseless with your horn then either, or was it the other way around?"

"RAINBOW" Applejack growled.

"What, you've always known I've got a bit of a horn fetish. Remember last Hear mmmmmffff" Applejack's hoof had abruptly covered Rainbow's mouth.

"Oh she definitely did the bucking." Berry grinned taking another swig from her bottle. "As I found out a month later. Oh and she also missed out the part where we drew graffiti of Celestia saying 'I'm a massive poo poo head' on the side of the castle."

Dash, forgetting what she'd been talking about moments before, broke out into fits of laughter for about the umpteenth time alongside Pinkie Pie.

Twilight's head had hit the table. "Please stop", she mumbled, "and I really didn't need to know Rainbow had a horn fetish."

Fluttershy and Applejack were once again blushing.

Rarity though had worked something out. "Wait, when you say a month later, are you telling us...."

Twilight's head launched of the table "NO, NO, NO, NO"

Pinkie had stopped laughing. "Oh my word Twi, you did didn't you. You've got a four year old out there, haven't you? How could you not tell us? I've missed out on so many parties."

"Huh, magical insemination, very rare I believe." Rarity mused.

Twilight's head had hit the table again. "Somepony kill me now, why Berry, why couldn't you just keep your big mouth shut for once." She growled. "I could of at least kept some form of dignity."

"Heck, at least you weren't the one who had to go teetotal for a whole year" Berry piped in.

Dash was in hysterics. "Oh Sweet Celestia Twilight, I didn't think it could get any better. I wonder what the mutant offspring of Equestria's biggest nerd and biggest drunk looks like".

Twilight's head rose slowly of the table, she levitated Dash from her chair.

"Huh" Dash's face suddenly turned from raucous laughter to that of perplexity.

As the alicorn's muzzle came into contact with the Pegasus' the room descended into deathly silence. Twilight's voice was stone cold. "You ever refer to Moonlight as my 'mutant offspring' again, I'll pluck every one of your feathers and ensure you're out of the Wonderbolts quicker than a sonic rainboom. Do I make myself clear Rainbow?"

Rainbow's face dropped and paled. She'd never in her life admit she was scared, but right then she'd have said anything. She was beyond petrified. "Yes mam", she squawked.

Twilight levitated her back to her chair. "Good, glad that's settled." She looked out across the table as seven sets of eyes stared at her in shock. "I went Twilight Psycho again, didn't I." She groaned.

"Just a little Sugarcube. In fact, I'd go as far as say I've never seen you so angry in the fifteen years I've known you for." Applejack replied.

"Wow, I never knew you cared that much for our daughter Sparkie. You've always seemed so distant and authoritarian, more concerned for your public image and seeing me and her as nothing more than a burden on your life that you want to keep secret as long as possible." Berry admitted, a tear forming in her eye as she took yet another swig.

Twilight looked at the still visibly shaken cyan mare across from her and sighed. "Firstly, Rainbow, I'm sorry. I overreacted and for that I hope you can accept my deepest apologies. But what you must understand is, I love my child very much and will not accept you insulting her, even in jest. " Twilight Confessed.

"Hey, it's cool Twi. You know I'm the joker of the pack and although I'll deny confessing this if it is ever repeated outside this room, I do have a tendency to overstep the line on occasions." Rainbow replied, slowly regaining her usual cocky composure.

Applejack burst out into laughter.

Rainbow glared at her marefriend.

Finally the apple farmer managed to get herself under some semblance of control "Pinkie, please tell me you got that on tape, I'd pay anything to have that the next time her ego gets over inflated."

"Of course." Pinkie exclaimed with her usual wicked glee holding a tape recorder that had appeared out of nowhere.

Before Rainbow could even think about rescuing her confession though a blue magical aura had engulfed her.

"Oh no, you can save your silly squabble for later. I want to hear what else Twilight has to say. Go ahead darling." Rarity cut in nodding at the Alicorn princess sat next to her as Rainbow smoldered in her prison.

"Thanks Rarity. Berry, I won't deny I am ashamed of my actions that night, but I want to make it clear. I am not ashamed of you and especially not our daughter. Please understand that I made you go teetotal so that she was born healthy. I got you to agree to allow my parents to take care of her so that you wouldn't be burdened with looking after a third child alongside Ruby and Pina and could go back to living your life as close to as it was before all this happened. Furthermore, there are still many dangerous kingdoms out there who, if they found out I had a daughter, would attempt to use her against me to get to Equestria. In Flurry Heart's first five years of life there were seven serious and seventy nine minor attempts to use her to overthrow my brother and sister-in-laws rule of the Crystal Empire. I haven't told you this before because I wanted you to return to your normal life without having to worry about her protection. Keeping her true alicorn identity hidden with an illusion spell until she's older helps with this and if that fails, having her here in Canterlot as my supposed adopted sister means I can be by her side to protect her in an instant and in the time it does take me to get to her side the thousand plus defensive spells I've installed across my parents estate in case of intruders should be more than enough to hold them at bay. I've also sent Spike or one of the girls to attend on my behalf all royal duties and events outside Canterlot in the past four years just in case an emergency occurred. I know you and Tempest would give your lives protecting her if necessary but that isn't your responsibility, that's mine. Yours is to continue playing the part of the loving mother who couldn't cope with another mouth to feed so gave her daughter up for adoption so that she could have a better life. I'm rambling I know, but Moonlight Noir is the most precious thing in my life and it frightens me that when I think about it, I'd sacrifice the whole of Equestria for her safety." Twilight finished with closed eyes tears flooding down her cheeks. She barely noticed the sound of a bottle slamming down onto the table before a pair of hooves wrapped themselves around her neck.

"Thank you. You are an amazing mother Sparkie." A voice whispered in her ear as four further sets of hooves wrapped themselves around the emotional Alicorn.

As picturesque as the moment was, it was quickly shattered as Pinkie launched herself into the fray causing everypony to collapse into a jumble of legs and hooves.

"Thanks girls. You're the best friends anypony could have ." Twilight laughed, buried under a mass of bodies, dropping the anti-scrying shield spell on the room.

Seconds later a tiny unicorn filly burst through the main doors followed by Gallus, Longshot, Velvet and Nightlight all chasing after her. The filly was a darker shade of lavender than Twilight was with segments of much lighter lavender around her muzzle, chest and hooves. She sported a bob cut for a mane while her tail was a mismatched combination of both her mothers. Both were a deep purple.

"Sorry Twilight. The guards explained you'd been held up by urgent business but there's only so many times you can take a four year old filly around the gardens before she gets bored and runs off to find her" Velvet called exasperated, just halting herself in time.

"Mummies" Moonlight cried, launching herself at the mass pony pile on the floor.

Twilight forced her way through the bodies to catch the filly only to fall back into the mass as Moonlight slammed into her. "Hello Moonlight, I've missed you to, but what have I told you about calling me that outside our designated safe areas."

"That there are bad cweatures out there who might want to hurt me if they know who my mummy is." the little filly cooed slightly downcast at her mother's ticking off.

"Good girl. Although I'm sure if Gallus and Longshot don't want a one way ticket to the moon they'll keep our secret."

The two guards gulped and nodded their heads vigorously.

"Excellent. Now how about we get Auntie Temper to join us" Twilight smiled her horn already lighting up as she buried her little bundle of joy deep within her chest.

The little filly gave a wicked smile and lighted her horn to.

"Wait, what, ahhhhhhhh" Tempest cried as she was dragged unceremoniously into the mass ball of fluff on the floor. Auntie Temper was not pleased, not pleased at all.

Twilight and Moonlight were very pleased.

"Smile" Velvet cooed as she pulled a camera from a bag around her neck, before snapping a shot of the crazy scene on the floor in front of her. "Brilliant, another one for the album".

The End..... For Now

Author's Note

So not sure if anybody bothered reading this but if you did I hope it was at least some good. It started as a simple premise of a comedy and developed into more a baseline for hopefully more in the near future. I also apologise if you expected more shenanigans during the drinking phase but considering time frame, there was six hours between Twi meeting Berry and Spike waking Twi, thus I felt that what I included was enough. I think the next segment will be a lot more fun, dinner with the in-laws and we will finally get to see Moonlight Noir, who can you below. Please be aware she's yet to get her cutie mark in this story and the illusion spell is hiding her wings and hair streaks. Designed and drawn by the amazing LupulRafinat on DA!