Vacation's All I Ever Wanted
Starlight Glimmer stared out the window, watching lush fields and tall trees roll by as the train rumbled down the track. Around her, the train was alive with the sounds of excited chattering and laughter. For the first time, Twilight Sparkle decreed that she and the others, Starlight and Spike included, were in desperate need of a vacation. They'd been run ragged with strange relics, friendships problems and villains attacking every other day and a well-earned rest was the natural catharsis. But where to go? When it came to selecting an area for some time off, it was all about location, location, location.
Canterlot, being the capital of Equestria, was out, as it was a natural hub for trouble. There wasn't enough to see or do in Appleloosa or Dodge Junction and Manehattan was cliché, no doubt being chalk full of tourists with the same idea. The weather wasn't right for Fillydelphia and everypony was quick to nix Pinkie Pie's suggestion of visiting her family's rock farm. Instead, they chose to let fate decide and dropped a bit on the Friendship Map, visiting whatever location it landed on. Bouncing across the table, it spun around and clattered onto Neighagra Falls.
Although primarily known for its signature waterfalls and airship rides, Neighagra Falls was also host to a myriad of other fun activities, such as rock climbing, barrel riding down the falls, bungee jumping and kayaking. But it was exploring the falls' nearby system of caves that really sparked Twilight's interest and Starlight had to admit that sounded pretty amazing. Despite traveling Equestria for several years, Starlight had never actually been to Neighagra Falls before but heard stories about it, the might and majesty of the waterfalls and the sheer sense of awe just standing at their peak. It'd been a long time since she went somewhere for fun and according to Twilight, this was also an excellent bonding experience for Starlight and the others. This thought made the unicorn's stomach churn a little but since everypony else was willing to give it a try, she could too.
Starlight turned from the window to find Spike engulfed in one of his comic books. She'd never seen the appeal but as long as the drake enjoyed it, she had no issue with it. Maybe it could even be a good conversation piece?
"So, uh, Spike? What are you reading there?"
Spike looked up and grinned, closing the comic and holding it up so that Starlight could see the cover. A mare in a full-face mask, cape and wide-brimmed hat reared on her hindlegs as she faced a number of ninja-garbed ponies armed with crossbows, nunchaku and swords. The title, "The Mysterious Mare Do Well" graced the top of the comic followed by the signature of somepony called, "Splash Page."
"It's the seventy-eighth issue of 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well,' during which the title character faces off against the Hoof Clan, a gang of ninjas," Spike exposited, his voice tinged with excitement. "Now we're finally going to learn who the Hoof Clan's Grandmaster really is and how he knows Mare Do Well's secret identity, which was revealed in issue sixty-six."
"I see," Starlight said faking interest. "Wasn't Mare Do Well something that Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Rarity came up with to teach Rainbow Dash a lesson?"
Twilight spoke up. "Initially, but when Sensational Comics caught wind of the story, they offered to buy the rights to the Mare Do Well name and costume and turn it into an original comic book."
"Yeah, an' they even gave us creative credit fer tha idea," Applejack beamed.
"After that, I received offers to design superheroes!" Rarity chirped. "Everypony from PE Comics to Icon wanted my input for superhero and villain costume ideas!"
"And best of all," Spike nearly shouted. "They got the Splash Page as the main writer for the Mare Do Well series!"
Starlight looked at the ecstatic dragon. "This 'Splash Page' must be a big deal, huh?"
Spike gasped, "Splash Page is only one of the greatest comic book writers of all time, creating classic superheroes like the Power Ponies, Spider-Colt and Doctor Abracadabra."
"Sounds...amazing." Starlight forced a grin.
"Oh you bet! The other day, I was re-reading 'Power Ponies: Tomorrow’s War Today,' which focuses on a dystopian future ruled by killer robots and Mistress Mare-velous has to go back in time to stop it from happening!"
For the next hour, it continued like this, with Spike ceaselessly gibbering on about the comic book genre and Starlight feigning interest. She learned terms like "Bitonite," "Trougham City" and "Excelsior," though she mostly tuned it out. It was great to see Spike so animated about a subject but if it'd been something on kites or antiques, Starlight wouldn't have felt her neck getting sore from nodding so much. When the Neighagra Falls Train Station came into view, she silently praised Faust for delivering her from boredom. Spike also took a break from his diatribe to check out the landscape.
"Oooooh! Ahhhhh!" Pinkie gasped. "Another ooooooh! Another ahhhhh!"
The train passed through a natural-occurring stone archway, zipping past a series of cliffs and interconnecting waterfalls that stretched for miles. Down, deep below the waterfalls, the very last waterfall ended in a crescent-shaped isle surrounded by a forest of oak trees. The waterfalls lead to a massive river in a nearby canyon and atop the canyon, a tall steal arch bridge stood, more than a thousand feet in length and two-hundred feet in height. This was the Cloudbeam Bridge, another popular tourist destination in the area and the only way other than airship to pass the canyon. Twilight snapped pictures as they overtook the bridge, giggling to herself like a little schoolfilly.
The Neighagra Falls Train Station was a gray stone building that was shaped like a U in the front and featured a large clocktower guarded by limestone gargoyles. It was surrounded on all sides by rectangular columns, each one fifty feet high and constructed out of granite. No sooner had the train pulled into the station when the group clambered towards the door and burst free from the cabin like fizz out of a shaken soda can. Pinkie Pie rushed back and forth around the building, taking pictures of the columns to show to her sister Maud. Starlight, meanwhile, stretched in the sun, moaning as she felt its rays on her fur and felt incredibly lucky to be out and about on such a beautiful day.
"Okay everypony, gather around!" Twilight called, an opened map and clipboard held in her magic. "We have a lot of places to hit so I've devised a carefully-crafted schedule to ensure that we all-..."
"Boring!" Rainbow Dash interrupted, bringing a snicker out of Spike and Pinkie. "Let's get to the cool stuff! The barrel riding thing is calling my name!"
"Oh, but I really wanted to go on the nature trail," Fluttershy softly murmured. "But we can do that, if you want."
"Bungee jumping! Did you know that they have bungee jumping?!" Pinkie squealed. "Bungee jumping, bungee jumping, BUNGEE JUMPING! Sorry, it's really fun to say. Bungee jumping!"
"That's awright, Pinkie. That does sound mighty fun," Applejack agreed.
"Now hold on," Twilight interjected, holding up her clipboard. "If we stick to the schedule, we'll be able to do everything that everyone wants to do in the allotted time. Now, the first item on the docket is cave exploring! Doesn't that sound neat?"
Starlight wasn't keen on going in a barrel down a hundred-foot drop nor was walking a nature trail particularly engaging to her. "If you want to do the cave exploring, I'm game."
"Me too," Spike agreed. "It's supposed to have these special gems that glow in the dark and made everything look neon."
"Oh, that sounds beautiful!" Rarity cooed. "I'd love to see those!"
Twilight frowned and teleported her clipboard away. "Fine. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash will do the barrel ride, Pinkie Pie and Applejack will bungee jump while me, Starlight, Rarity and Spike explore the caves. We'll all meet up here later. Okay?"
Pinkie was already speeding away, dragging Applejack through the air while screaming, "Bungee jumping!"
"Well, there goes Pinkie and Applejack," Spike deadpanned.
"We'll see you later. Rainbow and I will-whoa!"
"Come on, Flutters!" Rainbow Dash was flapping off the ground and pulling Fluttershy off her hooves.
"Bye!"
~*~
"And this part of the cave system, despite only being discovered in the last century, is actually over ten thousand years old," Frostwork, their tour guide explained. She was a light gray mare with black spots and a short grayish white, her cutie mark being a lantern. Their hardhat lamps illuminated the dark caverns, the light reflecting off of the shimmering flowstones. "What you're witnessing now are called speleothems, which are mineral deposits that, due to climate and chemical composition, create the shapes you see before you. Isn't that neat?!"
Water dripped from tooth-like stalactites, creating little plopping echoes through the caves. Naturally-formed columns stretched from the floors to the ceilings and the gentle trickling of water could be heard through the crisp air. Twilight, being, well, Twilight, was hard at work both writing everything down that Frostwork was saying while taking pictures. Tripods and flash photography was prohibited but the camera she brought was deemed "A-Okay" by Frostbite, who was excited to have somepony as enthused about this as she was.
"When do we get to the special glow-in-the-dark gems?"
As to be expected, Rarity went all out with her attire, ensuring that she was over-prepared but looking fabulous. She wore a sky blue hard hat with a dark blue headlamp, a royal purple down vest over sky blue fleece overalls and thick purple boots. She trudged boringly behind everypony else, clearly itching to take a gander at the luminous gemstones that Spike promised.
Frostwork grinned, "Oh you mean torchrite? It's very interesting. It's a type of luminescent mineral, that is to say, a substance that emits light via means other than heat or friction. In this instance, torchrite is a type of gem that is primarily found in caves and chasms, really anywhere that's dark-..."
"Forgive me, but I'm not particularly interested in caveology."
"Speleology."
"I am!" Twilight cheered, her quill scribbling madly. "This is great stuff!"
Frostwork continued lecturing them on certain unusual subterranean features, such as gems and fungi, much to Rarity's dismay and Twilight's elation. Meanwhile, Starlight was inspecting some unusual mushrooms growing on a cluster of stalagmites when her headlamp caught something previously unnoticed glittering on the wall. She stopped to get a closer look at it, finding what appeared to be thousands of very faintly-glowing red gemstones, all of them embedded into the stone to spell out something in Old Equestrian. It'd been a while since Starlight had brushed up on her Old Equestrian so she withdrew a quill and paper from out of her saddlebags and scrolled through her memory. Slowly but surely, the lessons came back to her as she decoded the message.
"Starlight, what are you doing?" Spike wondered. "We need to regroup with the others."
"I'm trying to discover what this message means," Starlight grunted. "Funny thing is, I could've sworn it wasn't there a minute ago and our tour guide didn't mention it."
"Uh, Starlight, are you sure you should be messing with that?" Spike shivered. "I mean, nothing good's ever come out of deciphering a randomly-appearing, mysterious ancient message on a stone wall."
Starlight snorted, "Spike, relax. It's probably just some old cave artwork. I doubt that its anything other than that." She looked over her notes. "Okay, it says, 'To the past, we, the travelers must go. O river of time, carry us onward to our goal. Take us beyond the world we know. Open gateway, you are now in my control.'"
They both looked around. The gentle pitter-patter of water-drops aside, the cavern was as silent as the grave.
"Huh, I expected...something to happen," Spike commented and then shrugged. "Oh well. Come on, let's rejoin the others."
"Yeah, I think you're right. I guess I was just being..." Starlight paused, finding a ball of bright light appearing behind Spike. They both turned, finding it lightly bobbing up and down in the air like a pinata. It widened, morphing into a six-foot vortex of swirling black and white spirals, reminding Starlight of the pattern used in hypnotism.
"Hey Spike? Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
"You mean the floating black and white spiral?"
"That's the one."
There was an ominous boom and the two suddenly found themselves yanked towards the vortex, engulfing them in a blinding burst of light. They entered a seemingly endless tunnel of spirals and flashing rings, their bodies stretching like rubber bands as they fluctuated in a cyclic pattern of white and black. Further and further into the tunnel they plummeted, falling left, right up and down. Starlight reached out for her draconic companion.
"Spiiiiiiike!" She yelled in a reverberating tone.
"Staaaaarliiiiiight!" Spike screamed in kind.
After falling for what seemed to be hours, their eyes were attacked by another explosion of luminosity. Tumbling, Starlight rolled onto what felt to be grass before collapsing into an undignified heap on a dirt road, kicking up a good amount of dust. She went to stand up only for Spike to barrel into her, knocking her off her hooves.
"Ow."
"Sorry," Spike moaned and threw himself off of her. He helped her up and dusted her off.
"Thanks."
Starlight peered around her. "I think we might still be Equestria but I don't remember there being any farmlands."
Spike furrowed his brow. "Yeah or thatch-roofed cottages. Where are we-...?"
Both he and Starlight stared bewilderingly. Past fields of farms and cottages, they found Canterlot, except that it was surrounded by a gigantic stone wall, encapsulating the city in a ring of lime and granite.
"B-but this doesn't make any sense! Canterlot hasn't had a stone perimeter since...since..."
"Years before Princess Celestia's reign," Spike finished.
"Spike, I don't think we're in our time period anymore."
A Ponyville Mare in Queen Concordia's Court
"Okay, so this is really happening..."
Starlight paced back and forth, the unicorn mustering all of her strength as to not freak out. While on what was supposed to be a nice, ordinary vacation with her friends, she and Spike inadvertently ended up somehow trapped in the past and, so far, no way to reverse the process. How long before Twilight and the others had realized that the two were missing? Would they figure out what happened or spend months, even years looking in the wrong place? Would she and Spike be forced to live out the rest of their lives here, in an Equestria they were unfamiliar with and far away from their friends and family?
"Right, got to stay positive," Starlight said aloud, more to herself than to Spike. "So...what do we do now?"
Spike merely stared at her. "Why are you asking me? You've time traveled before."
"Yeah but I did it while in a revenge-blinded rage. I'm not exactly an expert on the subject."
"Well, can't you just poof us back to the present?"
Starlight heaved a heavy sigh. "I don't have a spell for that and I destroyed the scroll I used the last time. I don't know how exactly to get us home."
Spike scratched his chin in thought. "Maybe this could work out. You're a history buff, right? What era are we in?"
"Well, judging by the banners on the castle's spires, this is post-Great War Equestria and they all bear the royal sigil of Queen Concordia as opposed to her husband King Solaris, so I'd say it's at least twenty years into her reign."
The dragon pondered on this. "Wait a minute, that means that Clover the Clever is still around! We could ask him for help!"
Starlight's face lit up with the epiphany. "You're right! He's one of the queen's advisors. If anypony could help us, it'd be him!"
"Great, now remember, we must adhere to the Time Traveler's Code if we're going to get through this without causing any time paradoxes."
"'Time Traveler's Code'? 'Time paradoxes'?"
"You know, avoiding making drastic changes that could change future events?" Spike gave her an expectant look as if this was all common knowledge.
"Erm, you've kind of lost me."
Spike rubbed his face. "Okay, remember the comic 'Power Ponies: Tomorrow's War Today'? In it, Mistress Mare-velous has to go back in time to prevent the terrible future from occurring. Now, while she was in the past, it was very important to make sure certain events played out to ensure that her own future would be secure, such as not interfering with the fight between the Power Ponies and Professor Mayhem, in which Masked Matterhorn injures her hindleg. It was vital that Mistress Mare-velous did nothing to affect the fight since Matterhorn's injury is what spared her from the Metal-Horses' uprising and allowed her to send Mare-velous back in time in the first place."
"Okay..."
"All we have to do is avoid interfering with major historical events. If we do, the end result could be very bad."
Starlight rubbed her ear. “I’m fuzzy on the while good/bad thing. What do you mean, ‘bad?’”
“Try to imagine all time coming to a stretching halt," Spike began in a dire tone of voice. "Up would be down, left would be right and all of existence would cease to be.”
"So that's 'bad.' Okay, got it."
Staring off at the castle in the distance, Starlight took a deep breath.
"Come on, let's get going."
By the time the two chrononauts approached Canterlot's outer wall, they found themselves in the back of a small line of ponies, all of them either peasants or visiting traders. The gates were fifteen feet high and constructed out of solid reinforced oak and large bands of iron, adding their imposing visage. A cadre of armored guards stood on either side of the dirt road leading up to the gates, their faces grim and postures stiff. Starlight and Spike waited patiently as the line inched them closer and closer to the gates while the others in the queue, almost exclusively ponies, gave the pair weird looks.
They must not be used to dragons and ponies traveling together. Starlight rationalized.
A half hour passed before the duo found themselves under the careful scrutiny of the light red-brown furred unicorn guard.
"What brings you into Canterlot?"
"I wish to apply for a job as a servant in the castle," Starlight stated.
One of the unicorn guard's eyebrows went up. "Is that so?" He then stared down at Spike. "Do you make it a habit of traveling with baby dragons?"
Starlight bit her lip. "He's uh, a fool, a simpleton that I found wandering alongside the road." She looked at Spike pleadingly. "Isn't that right, Spike?"
Comprehending Starlight's plan, Spike grinned idiotically. "Dirt feels nice under Spike's toes."
"I'm...sure that it does," the guard muttered and then waved them through. "Next!"
"I can't believe that actually worked!" Starlight murmured once they were safe enough away.
"And I can't believe you cast me as 'the simpleton.' Why can't you be the simpleton?"
"Because you don't know how to speak the dialect. If we're going to blend in, we can't have anypony thinking that we're not from around here," Starlight reasoned as they passed the main entrance and interspersed into the crowd. "So for right now, just let me do the talking."
They were astounded at how different Canterlot was from the one in their present time. The houses and businesses were smaller, many of which were timber-framed brick structures with overhanging upper floors-known as "jetties"-being a common feature as they helped protect the lower floors from the weather. From what Starlight recalled from her history classes, thatched roofs were once the norm before a series of fires forced King Solaris to issue an edict banning the usage of thatching. Instead, roofs became constructed out of wooden shingles, stone slabs, or clay tiles and remained that way for a few centuries before giving way to asphalt shingles and clay roof tiles. Ponies leaned out of their windows to greet one another, beat the dust out of their rugs, or to empty buckets of something that Starlight quite frankly didn't wish to dwell on.
Spike nervously shuffled next to Starlight, shrinking slightly under the glares that watched his every move, ranging from suspicious to frightened. It reminded him too much of his childhood back in present-day Canterlot, back when ponies were a lot crueler to him, especially the ones that either failed to realize or simply didn't care that he was Princess Celestia's ward. This led to him spending a lot more time cooped up at the castle out of fear but both Princess Celestia and Twilight helped him through those times and was eternally grateful to them both. In contrary to his outside demeanor, Spike still harbored a fear of rejection and though he never seriously believed it, dreaded that day he would mature into a full-grown dragon and be rejected as a monster. The incident where he allowed his greed to temporarily turn him into a mindless beast certainly didn't help.
Starlight noticed Spike's apprehension and gently placed a hoof on his shoulder, her smile one of reassurance. Spike returned it and began to walk taller, clearly still a bit nervous but now more at ease. The two passed through the marketplace, which was unsurprisingly crowded almost entirely by ponies, both buying and selling their wares. The few non-equine vendors were griffons, zebras, deer, and even a diamond dog. Stopping by a flower vendor, Starlight waved at the earth pony behind the counter, a lovely young mare with a pale blonde mane and turquoise coat.
"Hello, how may I assist you today?"
"Actually, I was wondering if you could tell me where Clover the Clever could be found?"
The flower mare looked curiously at Starlight, down at Spike, then back at Starlight.
"Master Clover lives further within the city, I think. I don't know where but perhaps you could try the castle?"
"Thank you! Have a nice day!"
"Why did you have to ask where Clover is?" Spike whispered once they were out of earshot. "Wouldn't he be at the castle in the first place?"
Starlight whispered back, "No, at this stage in his life, Clover took a less active role in the royal court. He still visited the castle from time to time but his visits were brief and rather sporadic."
"So, to the castle?"
"To the castle."
Canterlot Castle resembled the one that Starlight and Spike knew, with its great spires and crenelated battlements, however, the gold and purple color scheme was replaced instead with rose and sapphire. Several copies of the then-current Equestrian national flag-a unicorn, pegasus, and earth pony forming a triangle on a background of blue, green, and purple-fluttered in the breeze from atop the towers. A series of banners hung from the castle's outer walls, each one depicting the silhouette of a reddish-pink alicorn grasping a pair of golden balanced scales over a field of sky blue. Beneath the alicorn was the phrase "Ordo et iustitia" or "Order and justice." This was the personal crest of Queen Concordia, mother of Princesses Celestia and Luna, widow of King Solaris, and current prevailing ruler of Equestria.
She was also something of a xenophobe and overly-cautious, which tended to border on paranoia. Many scholars and historians connected this to the death of her husband and the period of rebuilding following the Umbrum-Draconequus War, placing her in an intense state of stress due to being a widow, a single mother, and the sole ruler of an entire kingdom. Starlight sympathized with Concordia but was still on her guard. She didn't believe Concordia would try to hurt Spike but if she did, Starlight wouldn't hesitate to move against the queen, even if it was an adept unicorn taking on an experienced alicorn with an army behind her. Starlight instinctively moved closer to Spike.
Two armored guards literally stood between them and their goal.
"Halt!"
The guards crossed their spears. The larger of the two eyed Starlight suspiciously.
"What business brings you and your...companion to the castle?"
"Good day, sir. I am but a bitless maiden traveling with this poor simpleton as my only friend. I have come here in hopes of being employed in such a position as befitting my station."
She elbowed Spike, who sighed and shouted, "Gem, gem, gem, right for Spike! Right for Spike!"
The big guard cocked a brow and nodded to his fellow guard, withdrawing their spears and stepping out of the way.
"Keep straight and take the first right turn. Take a left and remain there until you are seen."
"Thank you, kind sirs," Starlight bowed and passed them with Spike in tow.
They adhered to the directions perfectly, mostly due to the guard that was stationed every twelve feet on either side of the hallways. Hard, cold eyes peered at the two through their iron helms, tracking their every movement. It seemed as though Queen Concordia had serious security concerns, that or her paranoia was downplayed in the history books. The walls are bare, except for lit sconces, lacking paintings or other such decorative ornaments, giving the castle a cold ambiance that'd long been banished by the time of Princess Celestia's reign. Starlight wondered what Queen Concordia was like before the war, if she was a much kinder and sociable pony or if she'd always been like this.
As per the guard's directions, Starlight and Spike soon found themselves at the entrance to the throne room. Two guards stood vigilantly with spears raised and grimaces deeply set into their faces.
"Excuse me, but I'm here to apply for a position with the castle staff?"
One of the guards peered past her and at her draconic companion.
"Oh! This is a poor fool I found wandering around," Starlight lied through a large grin.
"Spike...Dragon," Spike lisped slightly with his arms raised above his head.
The guard frowned but pushed one of the doors open. "Enter."
"Thank you kindly. Come, Spike!"
The throne room was virtually the same as its future counterpart, except the sun and moon motifs were replaced with the rose and sapphire color scheme and the alicorn-and-balanced-scales banners seen on the castle's exterior. Blue, green and purple light filtered in through the stain glass windows, highlighting the colorfully-dressed ponies attending court. A five-pony band, playing on lutes, rebecs, flutes, drums, and harps, skillfully filled the throne room with a graceful melody that could've soothed a rampaging hydra. An earth pony in a jester's motley was juggling three wooden rods, trying and failing to impress the rather bored-looking audience. What captured Starlight and Spike's attention, however, was the alicorn seated atop an alabaster throne, wearing a small golden crown encrusted with jewels and a dark blue dress with light blue highlights.
She looks like Princess Cadence...or rather, Princess Cadence looks like her.
The resemblance between Princess Cadence and Queen Concordia was striking, given their facial features, more elongated bodies and limbs, taller-than-average heights, and reddish-pink coats. However, Concordia had a violet, blue and rose-pink mane and her eyes were a dark, listless gold that actively peered sharply over the court. The queen's more rigidly formal posture and austere, almost stoic expression solidified the contrast between the two mares. It was somehow a forgone conclusion in Starlight's mind that the queen had long since forgotten how to display any kind of positive emotion.
At the queen's left side was a yellow-green pegasus dressed in a maroon-colored doublet and white, gilded ruff, a golden badge pinned to the right side of his chest and connected to a matching chain of office. His dark green mane was brushed back against his head and his facial hair styled in a curly mustache and pointed goatee. It took a moment but Starlight was able to gleam his cutie mark: an ornate, old-fashioned silver key. The stallion's demeanor was equally dismissive, except in more of an overbearingly arrogant way, as opposed to the queen's general remoteness. Given his close proximity to Concordia, the stallion was, in all likelihood, the queen's chamberlain, or personal assistant.
Meanwhile, a large, muscle-bound earth pony stallion was stationed on the queen's right side, fully dressed in shimmering armor and cradling a helmet in one foreleg. Beneath his armor, the earth pony was a dark grayish amaranth with a turquoise beard and a shaved head. Starlight immediately recognized him as Morari the Maneless, veteran of the Umbrum-Draconequus War and captain of Queen Concordia's royal guard. Beside him rested his signature weapon Earth-Breaker, a long-handled war-hammer with a steel, octagonal head bigger than a pony's skull and a thick spike jutting from one side. The hammer was said to be so heavy that it took six full-grown ponies just to manually lift it and that it could take down an ursa major in just one blow, a claim Starlight found to be completely ridiculous to the point of hilarious absurdity.
Morari glanced at the newcomers and although he too bore a stoic expression, it was one crafted from stark professionalism rather than maligned pride or genuine malice. He simply nodded at them before redirecting his dark blue eyes back to staring ahead of him. The court jester, who the audience were barely even acknowledging, continued his juggling, hopping from hoof to hoof while telling some of the corniest jokes Starlight had ever heard. She only hoped that the queen wouldn't do anything unpleasant to the stallion when he was finished performing.
"But why did the gallant knight joust with a lance made of solid cheese?" The jester asked rhetorically as he continued to juggle, now balancing himself on one of his hindlegs. "For you see, dear listeners, it was because...the cheese was extra sharp!"
"Stop!" The chamberlain barked at the jester, who squealed in alarm, falling onto his hindquarters and dropping his wooden rods. "Cap'n Bells, you've failed in your singular duty of entertaining Her Royal Highness. Guards, take this imbecile away!"
Two armored guards dragged the hapless jester kicking and screaming past the crowd of royals.
"No, please! Give me another chance! Just one more chaaaaaaaaance!"
The chamberlain's self-satisfied smirk vanished upon catching sight of Starlight and Spike.
"And just who are you?"
Prostrating herself, Starlight replied, "Greetings, Good Sir. I am...Stella Bright, a humble subject of Her Majesty Queen Concordia, long may she reign."
"Long may she reign," the chamberlain repeated. "What brings you and this dragon to Her Majesty's court?"
"I am but a poor mare who has come upon hard times. I journeyed here with the hope of finding employment and I happened upon this simple-minded hatchling wandering around the wilderness."
"Wander, wander, wander!" Spike idiotically shouted unprompted.
This time, the queen took the opportunity to speak: "I am mother to all of Equestria and thus you are my daughter. The kitchen is in need of a new servant and I expect perfection from all those in my employ. Your...companion, on the other hoof...I have no need of an empty-headed fire-breather."
"Your Majesty, if I may say so, Spike is quite gifted in the culinary arts."
"Is he now?" Concordia questioned coolly.
Starlight nodded. "Indeed he is, Your Majesty. What Spike lacks in mind, he makes up for with cooking skills."
"Very well," Concordia sighed with a wave of her hoof. "Silver Key, show them to the kitchen."
The chamberlain, evidently named Silver Key, gave her a toothy grin and bowed.
"It will be done, Your Majesty."
Silver Key said not a word to either Starlight nor Spike as he lead them from the throne room, his quick, long-legged stride speaking volumes of his high opinion of himself and his desire to finish his task as quickly as possible. To ensure they didn't fall behind, Starlight carried Spike on her back, an action that had more than a few heads turning. At this point in history, dragons weren't exactly as common in Equestria as they were in the present, mainly staying in the Dragon Lands and rarely venturing out. Despite being allies with the ponies during the war, the two races tended not to see eye-to-eye and thus the dragons tended to keep to themselves. To have a pony carrying a dragon on their back was almost unthinkable, a task that, if performed, would've been relegated to a donkey, who at this point was the lowest in the equine social caste.
They stopped in front of a large oak door just as a red earth pony stepped out of it, her jowls and slightly rotund body suggesting that she may enjoy her sweets a little too much. She was an older mare in her late fifties who, despite her weight, moved with surprising grace and energy not seen in mares of her age or size. The mare's unkempt mane was a light yellow streaked with dark mustard yellow and bound in a large, tight bun. On the mare's flank, there was a cutie mark of a bent spoon with some kind of soup dripping out of the round head. A stain-matted apron served as her only vestment but from her posture and the way that she glared at Silver Key, it may as well have been a gown belonging to a duchess or queen.
"Greasy Spoon," Silver Key greeted with a bow and an oily tone. "So nice to see you once more."
"Ah, save it for somepony else, silk-britches," the old mare snapped. "I'm not one of your gold-mouthed rich friends so say what's on your mind and be done with it."
Struck dumb for a moment, Silver Key quickly recovered, adopting a more sour disposition.
"These two are here to work in the kitchens. This is..."
"Stella Bright..."
"...and her idiot dragon. Show them around, explain to them their daily duties-..."
"Yes, yes, I know what I am to do," Greasy Spoon interrupted. "I've been working here far longer than you. I don't tell you how to kiss up to royalty so don't think that you can tell me how to do my job."
Silver Key smiled darkly. "Yes, of course, Madame Spoon. Good evening to you."
With a slight bow, he turned and marched past Starlight and Spike, not even acknowledging their presence as he made his way down the corridor and out of sight.
"Good riddance to bad rubbish," Greasy Spoon muttered, then turned her attention to her new employees. "Greetings to you both. I'm Greasy Spoon, the castle's head cook. Have been for the last twenty years. Now, let's go over where you'll be working."
Throwing open a large oak door, Greasy Spoon ushered them through it and into a massive, windowless stone-brick room with rectangular wooden columns and lit iron sconces decorating each wall. There were many stacks of pots, pans, and tubs all pressed up against the wall and nearly reaching the high-set ceiling. Several open fires were situated throughout, all of which consisted of a round stone column, a vertical wooden beam and black iron cauldron. The stone floors had been meticulously swept and dusted, appearing as almost immaculate in their sanitation, showcasing the type of environment that Greasy Spoon operated. The mare in question must've noticed Spike and Starlight's appraisal of the nearly-spotless kitchen because she beamed widely at them.
"Impressive, isn't it? There's a reason I've been here so long. Well, that and my cooking."
She gestured to the two doors on the wall across from them.
"The first door is the bottlery, where the refreshments are kept. The second one is the pantry and that's where we store the fruits, vegetables and other perishable items."
There was another door, one on the far right wall, and Greasy Spoon pointed to that one next.
"That there's the storeroom. It's for keeping the nonperishable foods: wheat, oats, beans, nuts, seeds, condiments, spices. It's also where we put the cooking utensils, pots, pans, skillets, and cauldrons."
Greasy Spoon then jabbed a hoof at Starlight. "Your task is to sweep and scrub the floors, wash the utensils, plates, bowls, and other cooking essentials. Can you cook at all?"
"A little-..."
"That's good enough."
Greasy Spoon then peered down at Spike. "And you...well, you're not very big, are you?"
Out of reflex, Spike opened his mouth to speak but Starlight beat him to the punch.
"No, but he can cook. Quite well, actually."
"Oh really? Then perhaps you'd feel comfortable helping me make the stews?"
Spike looked to Starlight and then nodded, "Spike do this."
"Very good. Now, you are both to awaken at dawn and be here ready to work. Throughout the day, you will do whatever is asked of you from me, the queen, or the princesses. It doesn't matter in you're in the middle of a task; you can finish it later."
Greasy Spoon led the two out of the kitchen and towards a hallway filled with doors.
"These here are the servants' quarters. There's not a whole lot of space so you'll be sharing a room with five others. It's the second-to-last door on the left."
"Thank you, Madame Spoon," Starlight said gratefully.
"When we're alone, 'Greasy' will do," Greasy Spoon smiled warmly. "Now settle in. You begin tomorrow."
"Good evening."
"Night!"
Once Greasy Spoon was out of both eyesight and earshot, Spike let out a sigh of relief.
"Man, this whole dumb dragon thing is kind of exhausting."
"Hopefully, we won't have to do it for much longer."
Starlight opened the door Greasy Spoon had mentioned, revealing a large square room consisting of seven cots and a single small window. Straw lay strewn across the cold floor, most likely to collect what dirt the servants dragged in and out with them. Starlight found an unused one next to the wall and crawled into it, the thin feather mattress buckling and bending beneath her. After a few tries, Spike managed to climb onto his cot and pulled the simple cotton blanket over himself, curling into a little ball as he did so. Although the cots were uncomfortable, it was still better than the floor and at least the blankets kept them warm.
"I promise I'm going to get us home," Starlight uttered softly to Spike.
"I know you will," Spike affirmed, then turned over so that his back was facing her.
Starlight laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
"I hope so..."
