TCB: Rails and Dreams

This is my self-insert. Every author to FimFiction must have been tempted to write one - some even do. An unabashed romp through Equestria, starring the author. I've placed my self-insert in the Conversion Bureau universe so all you haters - start clicking that Dislike Button up in the corner. The rest of you, sit back and enjoy the ride.

I am converted to a pony
Berry Pony

"So, take off your clothes and place them into that basket", said the unicorn entering the room. "There's a paper robe you can use if it'll make you more feel more comfortable."

I stood in the ponification room in the back of the Phoenix Conversion Bureau. The room was small with cheap pressed board cabinets along the walls and a large stainless steel examining table in the center. Someone had tried to give the room a more personal touch by hanging prints of flowers and birds on the walls. The butter-yellow unicorn started to look over her paperwork.

I undressed with my back to the pony and dropped my clothes and my remaining items into the wicker basket. I've heard that the Zen Buddhists believe that you don't own your possessions but rather that the possessions own you. Still, as I turned away from the basket, I worried a bit about what I've left behind. I gave away most of the stuff I've owned, donated my truck to PBS, turned my home over to my sister and her kids, and closed my bank accounts. As I picked up the paper robe, the enormity of what I was doing made me a bit nervous.

"Nervous?" asked the butter-yellow unicorn.

"No... not really," I lied, slipping into the paper robe.

"There's nothing to be worried about," she said. "I've done a lot of ponifications and hardly anything has ever gone wrong. Please sit up here," she added, pointing to the stainless steel table.

I hoisted myself onto the top of the table, wincing at the cold feel of the steel. Smoothing out the paper robe, I looked at the butter-yellow mare.

"Eyeglasses too."

I took off my glasses and gently tossed them into the basket. Without my glasses, everything took on a soft, fuzzy appearance.

The unicorn's horn glowed and a clipboard and a pen rose from a nearby cabinet to float in front of her. "Before I start, there are some questions that I'm required to ask. Nothing revealing but we at the Conversion Bureau want to make sure that everyone understands and agrees to the ponification process."

"Okay."

"My name is Popcorn and I will performing your ponification today," she began. "Answer each question with yes or no. If you feel something is unclear, stop me and ask me to clarify the question. If at any time, you want to stop the questions or the ponification process, please let me know. Is that clear?"

"Popcorn," I asked, "if I want to back out, what happens?"

"You put your clothes back on, step out that door and leave the Phoenix Conversion Bureau. We do not want to convert anyone that does not seriously want to be converted. Do you want to end the ponification process?"

"No. I was just wondering."

The butter-yellow unicorn glanced at her check list. "Let us begin. First,do you understand that the ponification process is a one way conversion? Once you become a pony, you can no longer return to being a human."

"Yes."

Popcorn made a mark on her check list. "Next, do you understand that the Phoenix Conversion Bureau can not determine what kind of pony you'll be converted into. Whether you become a unicorn, an earth pony or a pegasus is based on your genetics or your lifestyle or something else. We don't know. But are you willing to accept whatever kind of pony you are converted to?"

"Yes... I understand. But...?"

Popcorn made another mark and paused. "Yes?"

"I've heard that the Conversion Bureau stocks a potion that lets you... change gender? Potion R63, I think it's called?"

The unicorn studied her check list. "Yes... we do have some of that potion. Is there some reason that you want to be a... mare?"

"Well, you see... I'm starting over in life. New body, new situations. I've played at being a male for 50-odd years. I think I've done a decent job at it. I've enjoyed Dungeons and Dragons and other tabletop role-playing games - and in those, I've almost always played female characters. At first, it was to balance our parties. But I've come to enjoy the different perspective. It was the same in computer games. I found I could empathize more closely with the female characters. So, I'd like to try playing as a mare - in real life."

"Real life isn't playing," the butter-yellow mare said.

"'All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players' to quote Shakespeare. Are you familiar with it?"

Popcorn was silent for a moment. "From 'As You Like It'. Yes, I've read his plays. If that's what you want. But you realize this change is permanent. Once I give you the potion, that's it."

"I understand that. I can't choose what type of pony I'll become - but at least, I can choose what gender I'll play."

"If you understand that, I'll need to ask them to bring up a supply from Central Dispensing. Do you mind waiting a moment?"

"Not at all."

Popcorn left the examining room, leaving me to chill my butt on the shiny, cold tabletop. She returned shortly with a white earth pony with a mane of red hair. "Candystripe, I'll need three ounces of Potion R63," she said."And some 12-gauge needles. We've run out again."

"Yes, ma'am," Candystripe answered. The earth pony disappeared.

"Now, where were we?" Popcorn levitated her check list again. "Last question. Are you willing to give up your human loyalties and ties and swear allegiance to Celestia and Luna?"

I was familiar with this request. When I became a citizen of the United States back when I was a teenager, I had to swear an oath, giving up my German citizenship. "Yes."

Popcorn made one more mark on her check list. Then she returned it to a cabinet and levitated a tongue depressor. With her doctor's tools, she proceeded to give me a full physical examination.

"Is this necessary?" I asked as Popcorn fitted me with a sphygmomanometer.

"We check everything before administering the potion," she said, pumping up the sleeve around my arm. "It lets us know if there'll be any problems." The unicorn stopped pumping and watched the pressure gauges rise and fall. "Nothing wrong with your blood pressure."

Popcorn stripped off the sleeve. "So, while we're waiting for Candystripe to return with the potion," she said as she put the sphygmomanometer away. "Why do you want to be a mare - I mean, a pony?"

"I really want to build and run a railroad."

"Really? Can't you do that on Earth without becoming a pony? I've read that they have lots of railroads and things like that."

"No one is building anything on Earth anymore. Germany is expanding it's high speed rail system a little. I think, China is laying rails to Tibet. But most of the construction has long since been done. And besides, the railroads of Earth are run by transportation conglomerates, more interested in maximizing profits than running trains. No, I want to build a railroad in Equestria."

"Last I recall," Popcorn responded, "Equestria was served by a network of railroads. I took one from Baltimare to Canterlot before coming here."

"Ha!" I snorted. "American locomotives (A wheel arrangement of a 4 wheeled bogie with 4 driving wheels, often summarized as 4-4-0 or 2'B) with an inside crank and no separate tender. Passenger coaches of wooden design, riding on 4 wheels. All of which hasn't changed for hundreds of years. Top speed is as fast as a charging buffalo. When the engine breaks down, the crew of four earth ponies is harnessed up to finish the train's run. Am I right?"

"Yes but..."

I shot out my arms. "I have a vision. Electric locomotives, powered by hydro-electric dams." I swept my arms around. "Trains powered by clean renewable energy, traveling smoothly from city to city, to glide into a glass-covered train shed at Canterlot. A train shed like those at Cologne, Munich, Paris' Gare du Nord and Paddington Station in London. Trains with electric locomotives, proper passenger carriages, equipped with modern toilets riding on four wheeled bogies, real dining cars and sleeper wagons. It'll be glorious!"

Her ears pinned against her head, Popcorn took a step back from me. "That's... nice. Everyone should have a dream and I wish you luck... with yours."

Candystripe popped up around the door. "I have your potion, Popcorn. What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," the butter-yellow unicorn quickly said. Her horn glowed and a small bottle of sparkly red liquid rose in the air. She pulled a syringe out of a drawer and fitted it with a needle. Candystripe stepped around the stainless table while Popcorn drew the liquid into the syringe. "Lay down, please," she said as she tapped the syringe.

"Why?"

"So when you pass out," Candystripe said, "you won't fall off the table." She turned and using her mouth, picked up a tray with a paper cup filled with a grape colored fluid.

"Any last thoughts?" Popcorn asked. "This is your last chance to change your mind. No? Then, take the anaesthetic from Candystripe's tray and drink all of it."

"And that will make me into a pony?"

"No. It'll just knock you out. This," she gestured with the syringe filled with red potion, "will convert you."

I took the paper cup from Candystripe's tray, swirled the fluid around the cup once and drank it all. "When does it start worki-?"

I can't say that I remember dreaming. Slowly, I woke, vague memories of pony dreams vanishing like morning mist.

"What lovely colors," I heard Candystripe say. "Pink with a yellow mane and tail. I wonder what color the eyes will be?"

"Oh, I think he - I mean - she's coming around," Popcorn said. "Do be a dear and let Sunrise Star that he'll have another unicorn for his 'Introduction to Magic' course.

As Candystripe walked out of the room, I opened my eyes.

"How do you feel?" Popcorn said, peering closely into my eyes.

"I don't know..." I said. My voice sounded funny, a soprano rather than my usual tenor. The first of many changes I'd just have to used to.

"Green-blue eyes," she pouted. "I guess Candystripe wins 10 bits off me. Why couldn't you have had red or magenta eyes instead." Popcorn walked around behind me and sniffed at my tail. "At least, you aren't in heat. It's a side-effect which a statistically small but significant number of mares go into season after administering potion."

I raised my head and flicked my tail. Golden yellow hair rippled and flowed across the tabletop. Another change, more disturbing than the change in my voice. I had a tail now.

Popcorn made some entries on her paperwork and then levitated several stainless steel instruments. "Relax. Stretch out. This might be a little bit uncomfortable."

"Another physical examination? I thought you did one before I got ponified."

Popcorn grinned. "This one is to make sure that everything got converted and is working correctly. It's standard procedure when Potion R63 is administered. Now, if you would be so kind as to lift your tail?"

I gasped as the cold instruments slid in somewhere underneath my tail. After a short and harsh eternity, Popcorn dropped the instruments onto a tray. "Everything looks good. No problems that I can detect. Are you ready to get off the table?"

I slid slowly off the table and with Popcorn's aid, managed to remain standing on all fours. I looked around, trying to get accustomed to my new height. From my manly height of six feet, I was now seeing the world from the height of a young girl. Yet, another change to get used to.

"Popcorn, my hooves are sore and tender. Is that supposed to happen?"

The unicorn had returned to her check list, scribbling things down and finally finishing with a flourish. "That's normal. Your hooves are those of a foal. Give them a little while and they'll dry out and harden up. Now, do you feel up to walking? Walking down to the cafeteria? Ponification uses up a lot of the body's reserves and it's a good idea to get a good meal into you afterwards."

We made it out of the ponification room and down the hallway, taking each step at a time. Each time, I'd overbalanced and be in danger of falling, Popcorn would be there to provide a steadying shoulder. I began to relax, letting my body take over and instinct guide the placement of my hooves.

Pushing our way through the cafeteria doors. the first person I saw was my roommate of the last three days, Brandon Ford. My initial thought was that Brandon had grown to immense size, towering over me.

"Here, let me look at you," said my roommate. "Dude, I can't believe you went through with it. You're so... pink! And a unicorn! Cool!" He walked around me before grabbing my tail and lifting it. "Hey, I think they made some kinda of mistake. You've got-"

"Hey!" I shouted, yanking my tail out of his hand and pinning it against my hindquarters. "Brandon!"

"Your voice is different too," he continued. "What-"

"I know. I requested it. Yes, I wanted to be a mare."

"But-"

"Just deal with it. I know what I'm doing."

"Here you go," said Popcorn, putting a tray in front of me. "Haycakes, apples, peeled bananas, dressing and apple juice." She looked up at Brandon. "You sir, will have to get your own." She turned back to me. "I'll take care of filing your paperwork. Come see me if you have any questions. Good luck!"

With the meal in front of me, I suddenly realized I was starving. I started to devour my food.

Brandon started to say something but remained quiet instead. I liked Brandon - he was from Scottsdale, much younger than myself, big, and muscular. He liked things that went fast. He too, was a fan of the show when it was on. At the moment, he was undecided as to whether to convert and emigrate to Equestria or not. He had hoped the seven days of courses and education would help him choose.

Everyone knows that five years ago, the island nation of Equestria appeared in the North Atlantic. No one knows why it appeared but some of the Equestrians claim that it was another one of the Diety of Chaos - Discord's plans. The rulers of the island nation, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, appeared in New York and proclaimed a willingness to work with the humans of Earth. A barrier would be placed over the island nation to keep invaders out but anyone could visit if they applied for a visa. They could visit, but not stay.

Humans that did apply for a visa found other problems. They had to have a sponsor in Equestria that would vouch for them. There were no facilities, no hotels, no real hospitality industry, and no consulates designed for humans. In short, it was more like taking a tour in North Korea or Soviet Russia if you did wish to go. And yet, each year, a few humans did go.

For those humans that wished to emigrate to Equestria permanently, Conversion Bureaus would be set up. The purpose of the Conversion Bureau was to teach humans about Equestria, convert them if willing, to ponies, and assist them in starting a new life in Equestria.

As I drank the last of my apple juice, I looked around. Not too many people took up the Celestia's offer - there were perhaps ten people and ponies in the cafeteria. My last roommate had lasted four days before saying that it was too weird for him and left the Conversion Bureau. I wasn't that sure of Brandon either.

"So, have you had a chance to work this baby?" Brandon asked as he flicked at my horn.

I sighed. "Hardly. I've just been converted. It takes time and effort to learn how to use magic. I'll probably have to go back to school. Magic Kindergarten even."

"Bummer." Brandon picked through his vegetable lasagna. "Have you picked a new name yet?"

"I had been thinking about that," I said. "I'd like to have a name that's sorta railroady. I will build that railroad in Equestria, someday!"

"Any thoughts?"

"Semaphore, for example. Those signals that show whether it is safe to proceed. Or Green Lantern, to show that the train can move on."

Brandon shook his head. "Semaphores like the flags that Boy Scouts use to use? And Dude, there's not a speck of green in the color of your coat, mane or tail. How about... Red Light, like the ones at the butt end of a train."

"Brandon."

"Something that'd go good with all that pink... Ah, I know. My grandmother was fond of a shade of lipstick known as Cherry Shine. It's almost the same shade as your coat. Cherry Shine! That'll be your new name."

"Brandon!"

He started to say something else before lapsing into silence.

I caught sight of him looking at me and asked, "What?"

"What is like? Being a pony?" he finally asked.

"I... don't know," I began. "I don't feel any bit different. I mean, I could now ask you what's it like to be human. It's a question that really doesn't make any sense. What am I feeling now? My hooves ache because they haven't hardened up yet. I need to keep swishing my tail because that stupid fly won't leave me alone. My stomach is full from eating lunch. Err, what more can I say?"

"Ah, there you are," said a rose colored unicorn with a dark blue mane. "Popcorn said that you had become a unicorn and were in need of some instruction. My name is Sunrise Star and I am the instructor in unicorn magic. Would you be so kind as to give your name?"

"Her name is Cherry Shine," Brandon quickly said.

"I see. We have a quite busy schedule, Cherry Shine, and not much time to do it in. Could you see me in my office in five minutes? We can arrange a suitable schedule for your basic training. Second floor, Room 210."

"My name isn't Cherry Shine," I said in a small voice.

"Then, my apologies. What is your name?"

"I don't know yet. I haven't decided."

"Second floor, Room 210, Miss Not-yet-decided." Sunrise Star turned and left.

"What's wrong with Cherry Shine?" Brandon asked, playing the innocent.

"There's nothing wrong with Cherry Shine. It's just..." I looked at my used plates and empty juice glass. "I don't know..."

What was wrong with Cherry Shine? Was it because Brandon threw the suggestion out as a joke? Or was it because the name had nothing to do with my railroad? In all my planning and thoughts, I had never considered what my name would be. Maybe I should reconsider it. Maybe some variation like Cherry Twist or Cherry Dream or -.

"Hey!" interrupted Brandon. "If you leave now, you'll just make Sunrise Star's office in time."

"Waugh!" I panicked, turned, tripped over my hooves, stood up and ran out.

I knocked at Sunrise Star's office door with my left hoof before entering.

The office was a small room overlooking the hot streets of Phoenix. On every side, higher than I could reach, bookshelves filled the walls. A low desk, covered in parchments and papers stood in the middle. Sunrise Star occupied a cushion behind the desk. As I entered, he laid down a glowing blue quill and looked up.

"Good. Being on time is expected of our unicorn students. We have much to accomplish and very little time to do it in," he said. "It is expected that each unicorn student leave the Conversion Bureau with some basic magic skills and an understanding of how to continue their studies." He paused.

"Yes, sir."

"Have you decided on a name? I need to enter you on the enrollment rolls."

"Cherry. Cherry Shine will do."

He gave me a long look before writing something down. "I have taken the liberty of preparing a schedule for your studies." A piece of paper glowed blue and rose to float in front of me. "Are there any questions?"

I looked over the schedule. It covered the remaining seven days that I would spend in the Conversion Bureau before leaving for Equestria. According to the schedule, my day would begin at six o'clock when I would rise, give me an hour to get ready and breakfast, continue with classes in magic until noon, give me a half-hour for lunch, give me more classes in magic and reading the unicorn script, allow me an hour for dinner, and finally allocate non-magical classes in the evening. The time after ten in the evening would be free.

The blue glow faded and I was able to snatch the falling paper before it fell to the floor. Sunrise Star was still looking at me so I shook my head.

"Cherry, I will see you this afternoon. Inquire whether the Conversion Bureau has an extra set of saddle bags. They will be most helpful in carrying your books."

I backed out of Sunrise Star's office.

Exhausted, I dropped my heavy saddlebags in our dorm room. Brandon looked up from his automobile magazine.

"Hard going?"

"You have no idea," I said. "I have a little time for dinner and then it's back to the classroom for me. Take my advice, Brandon. Don't become a unicorn. You'll spend all your life studying and never leave the classroom."

"That bad? At least, you got to use magic, right?"

"We were supposed to use magic to light our horns. It's the easiest spell to learn. After an hour, all that I got is a headache." I reached over, fished out a textbook from my saddlebags and threw it at Brandon. "This is my spellbook."

Brandon opened it. "What are these strange glyphs and sigils? I can't even make out which way to read this stuff."

"Every unicorn has to learn to read this script. There's a pegasus script that looks like ancient Greek too. Don't go pony if you don't want to learn, that is my advice." I sighed.

He closed the unicorn spellbook and put it back into my saddlebag. "Brushie, brushie?"

"Oh yes, please."

He reached across my bed and took a mane brush from the shelf. Then he sat on my bed and began to brush my mane slowly.

I relaxed and leaned into him. I don't know why the simple act of brushing out my mane was so calming but oh, it felt so good!

"What are you learning tonight. More magic?" he finally asked.

I glanced at my schedule which Brandon had pinned above my bed. "Dinner and then I get to report to the greenhouse. Tonight, I get a course on Equestrian Self-Defense." I picked up my saddlebags and dropped them onto my back.

Brandon stood up and returned to his bed, picking up his magazine. "See you later," he said as he returned to his reading.

"Later."

I returned to our dorm room on the evening of day three. It took another morning of staring at nothing and headaches before I got my horn to glow. Sunrise Star said that some unicorns had to overcome an internal block before they could finally channel magic. That afternoon, I managed to make a pencil stand up on end. This morning, I had actually levitated a dry wipe eraser. In the afternoon, I managed to use magic on a crayon and write my name. I was eager to tell Brandon about my achievements when I entered our dorm room.

Brandon's bed was neatly made. There were no car magazines lying on the floor and Brandon's hoodie wasn't hanging from his chair's back.

"Brandon?" I called out. I whirled and pulled on the closet knob with my new-found magic. The closet sprung open, showing that Brandon had cleared out his clothes.

I dropped the saddlebags on my own bed before finding a handwritten note pinned next to my schedule.

'Cherry Shine, I am sorry,' the note read. 'I have been giving this thing much thought lately - and giving up my humanity is much too high a price to pay for a chance to fly. I have watched you struggle to fit in with the unicorns. I find I can't do the same. Therefore, I have decided to withdraw from the Conversion Bureau and go to go back to my auto mechanic career. I wish you luck with your railroad. Something tells me that you're going to need it. I know that ponies travel freely between Equestria and Earth - one day, come and visit me. Brandon.'

I finished my days at the Conversion Bureau in kinda of a daze. I studied magic, trying to increase the number and amount of things I could lift - and walk at the same time. I read and wrote unicorn script. After dinner, I learned self-defense, dancing and the other arts that a young unicorn mare was expected to know. Then I would return to my empty dorm room. On the morning of the final day, Candystripe appeared outside my dorm room door.

"Everything packed?" she asked.

"Not much to pack. Everything I now own fits into my saddlebags."

"The Conversion Bureau wants to help you get started. So here's a small bag of bits to tide you over until you start earning your own." She reached into her saddlebags and tossed a small bag onto my bed. "The van to take to the airport will be here shortly."

I thanked her and lifted the small bag into my saddlebags. Then I followed her downstairs to the lobby. A stout human, wearing the uniform of the Airporter Van Service was waiting for us.

"Is that the last of the animals?" he asked.

"Mr. Harris!" Popcorn warned. "We are not animals as you know. Should you continue in this vein, the Conversion Bureau will have words with your superior."

Mr. Harris made a calming gesture with his hands. "Geesh, little lady. I call 'em as I sees them. If you... little horses... kindly... would get your butts in gear, we can get a move on."

I hurried outside into the blazing sun and climbed aboard the van. There were two other ponies on board, both earth ponies. Of course, the van was not designed for carrying ponies so I copied the earth ponies, got on a seat and lay down on my stomach with my legs folded underneath.

Popcorn and Mr. Harris came outside. He climbed into the driver's side and closed the door. Popcorn levitated a clipboard up to him. "Sky Harbor Executive Terminal. They're flying out on a chartered jet. Instructions and directions are listed here. Got that?" Mr. Harris took the clipboard, nodded and buckled himself in.

She looked us over, wished us luck and with her hind hoof, gently thumped the side of the van giving a signal that it was ready to leave.

The van pulled out of the Conversion Bureau. I raised my head for one last look at Popcorn waving. Then we turned the corner and accelerated down the street.

Traffic was fairly light and we easily got onto the freeway. The two earth ponies spoke little on the trip. Mr. Harris muttered to himself as he drove. I watched the passing cars and trucks. Was it only fourteen days ago that I drove up this same route to the Conversion Bureau? It seems like an eon ago.