Trixie's Tips

by KingofBronies

Rating: everyone
Tags: Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 5015

Ever wanted to learn to do something? Well now your favorite show mare will try to show you how!

Learn how to do things on the new series Trixie's Tips! She will teach you anything we make her teach you! Why? Because she needs the money! Now watch as she attempts some simple tasks and some hard! And of course she will get guest stars! Who said learning can't be fun?

Published 2012-08-22 22:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-18 13:31:22 UTC

Making a Sandwich

We join our beloved star in the center of a large set being broadcasted live in front of an audience. Our favorite show mare has fallen under some hard times thankfully a producer found her after she ran away from Ponyville and decided to make a show about her talents so that she could show everypony how to be as 'Great and Powerful' as her. Lights flashed upon the stage revealing her behind a counter in what looked to be a very standard kitchen set. Oven, pots pans and a fridge. It was nothing special. She was in front of a large studio audience. She was wearing her hat and cape as she usually did though she looked confused at her current location. An announcers voice was heard.

"Hello fillies and Gentlecolts! Welcome to Trixie's Tips! Here's your hostess, the Great and Powerful one herself! Trixie!" The audience stomped upon the end of her introduction.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie requires a stage of only the finest! What are you expecting me to do in this two bit kitchen?" The show mare demanded answers for the odd setting.

A voice echoed from a mic near over the stage. It was the boss! “Umm..Trixie, we were hoping that you would show our viewers how to make a sandwich.”

The Great and Powerful one was almost insulted by this command. “You expect me, a Great and Powerful master of the mystic arts to show these ponies how to make a sandwich? What kind of simpleton does not know how to craft such a thing?! This is a waste of m-”

Screen turns to black and fades out to a picture of Spike eating ice cream that says 'We'll be Right Back.' After a few moments we return back to viewing Trixie's show.

“Trixie already said, you called her for talents and Trixie is a skill magician and show mare! Why do you refuse to use her talents!?” the show mare whined.

“Sorry, Trixie, but we need you to make us a sandwich this episode, or I can't pay you.” The voice responded.

She knew better than to argue with the boss, no matter how much she wanted to, she just went with it because she needed the job. She would hold back for now. Though she did not try to hide her distaste for it in the slightest.

“Fine! I shall create this..food, but I shall create it with only an elegance that Trixie can add.” Trixie scoffed.

She trotted around the set looking for anything that she could use. Even in the fridge there was nothing except a piece of paper that read: IOU one stocked inventory of food- Boss. This aggravated her.

“Trixie cannot make a sandwich without the proper ingredients! There is nothing for me to use on this stage! Where did you put all of the food that was in the fridge!?” She yelled into the crowd.

“Oh wellll we had a party and it was short notice..We needed all of the food to make sandwiches plus we need more because Starshine forgot her lunch. Besides didn't you bring some ingredients from home?” the boss asked.

“No! Trixie was not informed that she would be creating a sandwich for the audience! She was told her talents were going to be used!” The unicorn yelled growing angrier by the second.

There was a short pause..Everyone was waiting the response of the boss. The audience was starting to wonder what the hay was going on.

“Well..Some would say sandwich making is a tal-”

“Silence, Trixie will not hear more of this nonsense! I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! Not the Grains and Oats Trixie! Do you expect the Trixie to carry around a saddlebag filled with bread, daisies and lettuce!?” It was day one and the show mare was already mad at her boss.

“Actually I thought you might carry it in your hat..”

The silver maned unicorn just face hoofed hard enough to kill a couple brain cells. She thought to herself, this was her boss..Ooooh Celestia what the hay did the show mare do to be put on this show..

“No, Trixie has no ingredients!” Her eye began to twitch in a fit of her growing rage. “If you do not wish to be part of the sandwich Trixie is making, Trixie suggest you go to the store and get her some bread and lettuce!” The actress commanded making jesters to get going.

“Ok...”

The boss complied sending his employes to fetch Trixie the materials needed for the art of sandwich craft. They were laid on the counter in front of her with magic as nopony wanted to get near the mare in her fit of rage, in fear of having their organs used as squeaky toys.

“Finally!” She sighed her mane was becoming a mess from all of this unnecessary frustration to create one of the simplest things.

She took out two slices of bread and a piece of lettuce. She levitated the piece of lettuce onto the slice and then placed the other on top of it. She stood on her hind legs making a very forced looking celebratory expression. She was too annoyed to add anymore pizazz.

“There, Trixie has finished this simple task with minimal effort. May Trixie go?” The relieved unicorn asked.

“Well you didn't explain the steps. You really should explain the steps.”

She blinked twice in rapid succession. “What?” She said with venom.

“The steps to make a sandwich, you just kind of made it you didn't really explain.”

Something cracked in the pony's head that second. “What kind of pony cannot follow the visual steps of making a sandwich?! Nopony is brain dead enough to require added assistance into making such a simple thing!” The looked of a very powerful anger lit her apparel on fire as well as her sandwich. She threw the charred sandwich at one of the cameras breaking it. She trotted off the stage mumbling curses to herself before yelling.

“Trixie expects her paycheck in full by the end of the week! She made the sandwich!” She slammed the exit door.

“Umm...Ok..That actually went better then expected..I think..”

“And that’s a wrap up everypony! Hope you learned a valuable lesson! Tune in next time for the next exciting Trixie's Tips!” The announcer ended.

Hello, this is a new thing I'm trying. So I would really appreciate comments on how everypony thinks about it. Thanks in advance! Don't think this will replace any current works its just something fun I put together out of nowhere. Oh also suggestions on what Trixie should do next would be great!

Making a Paper Airplane

We join our star again back for day two of her odd career. Her new set was composed of foal toys, building blocks a toy chest with a dull green carpet. Trixie was behind a small blue table of which she was head bashing against. The announcer couldn't help, but giggle a bit.

"Hehe..Hello everypony! And welcome to another exciting episode of Trixie's Tips! Here's your amazing show mare hostess, Trixie!"

The audience applaud in joy after the intro, but the rapid head smashing did not stop. The boss got on the mic.

"Um, Trixie that's kinda your cue."

The unicorn slowly raised her head and stared at the large mic over head. "Last time I checked the Great and Powerful Trixie asked for a stage! Trixie is not in magic kindergarden anymore and demands she be treated like an adult! How do you expect the Great and Powerful Trixie to preform feats beyond imagination with building blocks and toys!?"

"Well..we didn't have it in the budget to get you a more pro-”

“SILENCE! You have plenty of money to waste on toys and blocks, but not enough to buy Trixie a stage!? And it can't be the ratings, you cannot hide this from Trixie! Who wouldn't pay money to see the Great and Powerful Trixie work her magic creating masterpieces, on stage no less?” The mare scoffed holding her head in the air with her eyes closed.

“Ok fine! We will get you a stage next episode! But the reason we got this one is because its themed. You see we want you to build a paper airplane.”

Trixie looked confused. “What? What kind of filly knows how to create a massive scale replica of flying device out of paper? Is this some sort of joke, because Trixie does not find it amusing.”

“No no no.. Trixie. We are asking you to create an airplane using a single piece of paper.” The voice explained.

“Trixie shall humor you, but only because she is getting paid.” The pony who speaks in third person looked around the cheap set finding some paper and a pencil in the toy chest for some reason.

She levitated her findings onto the desk and began to write on the paper. When she was satisfied she displayed what she had done to the audience. The camera fixated on the drawing.

“Done! Trixie has created only the finest in paper airplanes! Do not worry everypony, it is not real so it shall not come through and fly into the audience. Trixie promises.” She smiled as if displaying something so realistic to the public, though it looked little more than a squiggle with some flaps for wings.

The audience laughed at the hilariously bad drawing. Trixie just smiled arrogantly.

“Yes yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie knows the boss was a foal to think this would be a challenge!”

“Um, Trixie...We meant fold the paper to make it able to fly temporarily.”

The Great and Powerful pony looked a bit mad. “Why didn't you just explain this to Trixie! Were you trying to make a foal out of her? The Great and Powerful Trixie will make sure you pay for this, but for now she will spare you and create this simple contraption.”

She levitated the paper with her magic and folded it once then folding the two ending parts making an airplane with no tip. Trixie smirked.

“Behold! The Great and Powerful Trixie has crafted only the finest for her fans to see!” She stood on her hind legs expecting to hear cheers and appalls for the crowd, but heard nothing.

The boss got back on the mic. “Um..Trixie you have to make it fly.”

“Very well then, Trixie shall do just that!” the caped unicorn threw the airplane with her magic it did a front flip then nose dived into the ground.

“Try giving it a tip at the front.” a fan said.

Trixie became a little nervous then confidently smirked. “Of course! Trixie was just giving the plane a proper test run.”

She folded the front of the plane into a pointy tip with magic and laughed as she threw it again. It flew past the audience.

“Wow you finally di---Ow! My eye!”

The audience laughed at the sound of the boss's pain joined by Trixie's laugh and their appalls. Celestia knows what kind of auto aim feature was installed in order to hit him but it did.

“Trixie said she would get you back for making a foal of her. Ha!” The mare grins as she walks off the set with a much more positive expression then last time.

“Owwww! I think its bleeding!”

Ha! I’m sure everypony learned a Great and Powerful lesson! So tune in next time for a new Trixie's Tips!” The announcer finished.

Idea for making a Paper Airplane by Prane

How to Eat a Pinecone

Today we join our Great and Powerful star on an actual stage! Thats right folks she might actually do some magic! But if you took time and read the title you know that there is little chance of that happening. The stage was fairly simple just wood flooring and a blue curtain in the back. Yeah, I wish I could be more creative in my description, but the boss really is just that cheap. Trixie looked somewhat disappointed, but looked much more happy with it than the other two stages.

"Hello everypony and welcome to another breathtaking episode of Trixie's Tips! What's our favorite magical mare doing this time? Lets find out!" The announcer said followed by an appalls.

“I think Twilight is reading books!” An obnoxious fan said before having one of the stage lights bash him on the head.

“Anyone else wish to remind Trixie of why she is doing this show?” She glared at the audience. “Trixie thought not. So paycheck giver what magical challenge do you have for the Great and Powerful Trixie?”

“Well, we gave you a stage to do magic, but your next challenge isn't exactly magical..It's more about I guess you could say endurance..” The boss said giggling to himself.

The blue unicorn sighed. She kind of expected not using her spectacular talents for entertainment. “What is it this time?”

A cannon fires off screen hitting her in the head with a pinecone causing her fall on her back. She gets back on her hooves and looks at the brown, woody thing that laid on the floor next to her. Trixie snapped for a moment.

“What the hay is Trixie suppose to do with this!? Give it a bath?! Marry it?! Some how turn it into a Great and Powerful nuclear bomb?! Considering how stupid the things Trixie had to do so far she wouldn't be surprised! The Great and Powerful Trixie does not see what she could do with some wooden tree egg!” She yelled either of pure pent up aggression or just confusion. I don't know probably both.

“Oh no no no, we don’t want you to do that..But you two would make a cute couple..”

“Trixie would never marry an object! For there is no object that can meet the Great and Powerful Trixie's standards! Trixie is a one mare show!” The great and powerful mare scoffed.

Silly Trixie, she has obviously never heard of shipping!

“Yeah, whatever..but you're going to eat the pinecone.”

The light blue maned unicorn twitched at the suggestion. To consume a pinecone?!

“Trixie will not eat such a vile construct of a tree! Are you trying to poison Trixie?! Do you ponies get some sort of sick thrill of watching your betters suffer?! Better question how is this even a tip?!” The show mare protested.

“Fine we will pay you double, just eat the darn thing! Oh and its a tip because you're showing us how to eat a pinecone.”

She smirked victoriously. “Now that is how you treat an actress! Trixie thinks there maybe hope for you yet, paycheck giver.”

Trixie levitated the pinecone and dusted it off on her cape. She then put it near her mouth and takes a small bite of the very crunch pinecone. It was a loud crunch that echoed through out the audience. A small tear rolled down her eye as the sharp points pierced her tongue. After a while she swallowed. Staring at the audience with widened eyes.

“That was the most delicious thing Trixie has tasted!” The show mare smiled shoving the rest of the pointy wooden cocoon in her mouth.

“WHAT?!..You're not suppose to like it!”

She finished her meal with delight. “I guess the Great and Powerful Trixie has a flavor palette beyond a simple pony such as you! Do you have anymore?”

“Ummm..No..”

“Give Trixie her paycheck! She desires to spend!” The pinecone eating pony demanded.

A paycheck levitated to her which she caught with her magic and trotted off the stage to buy more delicious pinecones! The audience stomped their hooves in joy at the episode.

“Ummm..Well this was a strange episode! I hope everypony tunes in next time for another Trixie's Tips!” The announcer ended.

===========================================================================

Inspired by all to the Trixie consuming a pinecone fanart I saw.

I didn't use anyponies suggestion, but next time I will. I just thought this was too funny to pass up!

Learning to Play the Triangle

Again we join our show mare as she does what she is paid to do! Whatever the hay we want her to of course! The boss was too cheap to replace the stage from last time. So yeah, if you want a description again go read it on the last chapter. Trixie of course was on stage eating a deep fired pinecone on a stick. Why was it on a stick? Because everything taste better when its on a stick, except liquid cuz that would be stupid unless its a popsicle cause its frozen and they rock!

“Welcome everypony to a very special episode of Trixie's Tips! Here is your pinecone loving hostess, Trixie!” The announcer said.

The audience stomped their hooves.

“Every episode is special because you get to see the Great and Powerful Trixie and bask in her majesty!” The unicorn said with her head raised high.

“Oh no, but its more special, because of our guest star!” The boss said over his mic.

“Trixie was not told of this! And she most certainly does not work with amateurs!” The Great and Powerful one pouted.

“Introducing Vinyl Scratch!” The announcer exclaimed.

The audience stomped their hooves as Ponyville's DJ got up on stage. “Sup, everypony! Oh and hi Trixie!”

“Does Trixie really have to work with this uneducated foal?” Trixie said with resentment.

“Aw come on Tricks don’t be like that!” The record spinning unicorn said.

“Fine Trixie will work with you, but you will get none of her pinecones! NONE SHE SAYS!” The Concede and Greedy Trixie said as she devoured her fried treat.

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. “Ooookay... So what am I here for?”

“Well you see, we wanted you to help Trixie play the Triangle.”

“How does one play a shape!? The Great and Powerful Trixie demands answers!” The unicorn commanded.

“Um, he doesn't mean the shape. He means that metal instrument thing.” She turns her eyes to the overhead mic. “Bro, I don't know if you realize this, but I'm a DJ. Octavia's the instrument expert and I'm the record spinner.” The confused DJ explained.

“Oh..” Whispers from somepony else were heard over the mic. “Just go with it..It will be funny anyways.” The boss gets back on the mic. “Well I have been told its a good idea so help her regardless.” A metal instrument shaped like a triangle with an opening at the right corner falls from the ceiling with a metal stick.

“Alright I guess im down with that. Yo, Tricks you have any idea what the hay to do with this?” Vinyl asked.

The magician taps it cautiously with her hoof like it was some sort of diseased vermin. She eyed it curiously. “Trixie does not think it to be lethal.” She smiled at what seemed to her to be an astounding discovery.

The record spinning unicorn face hoofed. “I just told you it was an instrument!”

Trixie pouted and held her head up high with her eyes close. “You did not tell Trixie what kind of instrument it was, for all she could know it could have been a instrument of destruction and chaos.”

“Fine! It's a musical instrument! Are you happy now?” The DJ groaned.

“Trixie would be happier if you were to have a more positive attitude. If anypony should be groaning its Trixie, having to put up with you.” The arrogant unicorn smirked.

Rage boiled up in the opposing pony, but being a DJ as long as she had you learn to keep your cool. Which is exactly what she did. “Well, how about one of us lift the triangle and the other one hit it with the stick?”

“No, no, the Great and Powerful Trixie has a far better plan! One of us will hit the triangle while the other one holds it. Trixie knows sometimes she even amazes herself.” Trixie smiled looking at the unicorn who was twitching under her shades.

Vinyl lifted up the triangle with her magic and then Trixie hit it with the levitated stick. It made a piercing noise that echoed through the crowd. The crowd began cheering and stomping their hooves at what they heard.

“That was lame..” The shades wearing mare sighed.

“Trixie agrees. Trixie demands a more Great and possibly more Powerful instrument next time!” The showmare sighed in disappointment.

“Hmmmm..I'll be right back!” The white unicorn smirked as she trotted off stage.

Several moments later...

The shades wearing mare returned with a huge smirk levitating what looked to be a remote with a button.

“Umm..What are you going to do with that?” The boss asked sounding a bit nervous.

“Yes the Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know!” The cape mare commanded.

She got on stage pointing her horn close to the button. “Oh something I borrow..” She presses the button when two large amps crash through the ceiling. She connected the amps some how to the triangle. “Let's make some noise!”

Trixie blinked knowing something epic was about to happen. The white unicorn struck the charged triangle with the metal stick creating a deafening noise that caused the entire ground to shake beneath them, followed by an explosion! The stage as well as the studio was destroyed but, everypony was ok so it was all cool.

“That was AWESOME!!” The DJ exclaimed hopping out of the debris.

Trixie rose from the wreck. “Well, you could almost say...” She levitates a part of sunglasses that she got from Celestia knows where and begins to put them on. “That we brought the house down!”

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!(so bad!)

The announcer rises from the fallen studio. “Well we are going to need a new stage,but I must say that was kinda cool. We will see you on the next exciting addition of Trixie's Tips!” Then he collapses. The audience stomped their hooves and cheered.

The boss gets up. “Ratings! YES! RATINGS! We can afford more than a new stage!”

Trixie smirked and pulls out a pinecone and cleans it. “Trixie was wrong about you, Record Spinner. Perhaps you will make a good apprentice.”

“Sorry Tricks, but I'm a solo DJ!” She straps on a rocket pack and blasts off into the sky.

Trixie takes a bite of the pinecone and trots off laughing at the ridiculous day she just had.

Sorry this one took so long, but school life and what not. Don't forget to suggest ideas and comment.

Idea for playing the Triangle by Crystal Blue

How Many Trixie's Does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

The boss stood in front of his new shiny studio. He took a big wiff, still gots that new studio smell. He entered through the stairs from behind the entrance. He was in an elevated room with wood floor in the back of the stage with a large strip of one way glass held in place by metal in a half dome shape. Several other ponys kept watch on cameras as they recorded the show for the TV audience. The boss put on his headset as Trixie got on stage. The seating was filled with comfortable brown seats for the audience and a red carpet leading to the stage.

The announcer was in plain sight in a heightened spectator like area. He was a brown pegasus with short clean cut black mane and mid length tail and purple eyes. His cutie mark was that of a microphone.

“Heeeeeeello, everypony! Welcome to our new stage! And welcome again to another exciting episode of Trixie's Tips! Here is your Great and Powerful hostess Trixie!” He said with a smile.

The audience stomped their hooves and cheered at the introduction. The stage Trixie was on was fairly fancy looking stage with purple curtain and wood floor.

“It is good to be back. Trixie guesses..” The magical pony smiled at her adoring fans. “Trixie hopes that she will actually be able to preform magic since, she thinks with the change of stage perhaps she will get a change of act.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, Trixie. We are still going to have you doing odd things, that’s what get's ratings!” the boss said through the large over head mic.

The caped unicorn face hoofed, but she needed pinecone money.(Joke will never get old.) So she had little choice in the matter. “Very well! Trixie demands a magic act eventually!”

“Fine, but for now we are going to see how many of you it takes to screw in a light bulb.”

“Ha! Trixie can do this with her eyes closed! She was once the Handy and Helpful Trixie! Ponies would gaze in awe as I installed light bulbs with amazing finesse and speed!” The boasting unicorn smirked.

“Without magic.” The boss smirked beyond the glass.

“What?” The handy dandy Trixie looked shocked. Was this actually a challenge? BY CELESTIA!

“Yup, no magic, but you get an assistant.” The boss smiled.

A large white pegasus pony with red eyes and tiny wings pounded through the red carpet path and reached the stage. He leaped onto the stage cracking the wood floor. “YEAH!” He yell for no particular reason. Trixie looked up at the beast of the pony nervously.

“Everypony lets give a warm welcome to Horsepower!” The announcer, um well announced.

The crowd stomped their hooves in excitement. A box appeared in front of her in a poof. It held the light bulb. The unicorn looked up to see where she was to screw the light bulb. It was high up and considering how small the pegasus's wings were it was unlikely it could fly. She however had a plan.

“Trixie shall now amaze everypony with her wondrous feat!” The arrogant pony smirked.

The currently magic strickened pony grabbed the light bulb with her teeth and hoped onto Horsepower's back. She then stands on her hind hooves grabbing the bulb with her front hooves. She a was about to screw it in, but then lost her balance and fell on her flank. She growled with anger.

Take 2

She attempts to jump onto the small winged pegasus, but crashes into a box of light bulbs that weren't there before. She screams in pain as the bulbs shatter under her weight.

Take 3

Trixie returns to the stage with bandages wrapped around her torso. “Who the hay put those light bulbs there?! Trixie demands a name!” The white pegasus screamed. “YEAH!”

“Sorry! My bad!” A golden googly eyed mare said from the audience.

“Oh. It was just Derpy. Um Trixie forgives you.” Trixie forced a smile. Not even Trixie could get mad at her! You'd feel terrible if you made her cry! Seriously don't do that stuff, it's not cool man or mam!

The somewhat guilty mare jumped back ontop of the huge pony she then heard a voice. “Hey, Horsepower it's your lunch break.” “YEAH!” He yelled and trotted off as Trixie collapsed to the ground. She was really getting tired of this stick, but she could use a pinecone on a stick so she hopped on her hooves and went out to lunch.

Take 4

Everypony returned to stage as well as the audience which also took a lunch break. I don’t know, if I were them I wouldn’t wait that long, I'd be hungry. When your hungry you eat! Common science people, um ponies..I'm just rambling! Moving on! By this point Trixie was getting pretty angry at the fact all slapstick jokes and what not so she grabbed the bulb in her teeth again and did another leap onto the built pony's back stood on her hind legs yet again and screwed in the light bulb with her front hooves. It lit up and she smirked with great pride as she hopped down to be greeted by the sound of applause. The giant assistant also joined in with a loud “YEAAAAAH!” But the power of the very masculine yell cases the weak bulbs glass shell to shatter, much like Trixie's sanity as she witnessed this.

“I-it's ok, I only have to do it once right?” The unicorn twitched as she gave a unnerving smile.

“Umm...I don't know how to tell you this, but...The camera wasn't rolling..” The boss said with hesitation.

“WHAT?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” Trixie roared as magic surged from her body from pure anger.

Before anything destructive could happen a blue British Police Box appeared before the stage. Thankfully Trixie's surge temporarily blinded the audience. A brown stallion with chestnut mane and a hourglass cutie mark hoped out of the machine.

“WHO ARE YOU?!” The enraged blue mare said in a distorted voice.

“I'm the Doctor and I right here to stop you!” the Doctor exclaimed in a British accent.

“FOOL! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND AGAINST THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE?!” The surging blue mare roared.

“This!” The mysterious pony shows her a white pinecone. “If you be a good girl you can have it if you like.”

“THE LEGENDARY WHITE PINE PINECONE!? TRIXIE ACCEPTS THIS GIFT AND SHE SHALL AGREE TO CONTROL HERSELF.” The mare began to calm down swiping the delicious treat.

With all that chaos the Doctor got back in his blue box. “I'll keep my eye on you.” And with that he was off.

Trixie smiled at her new prize. The audience and everypony else could see again and trembled at the power.

“T-trixie! You don’t have to do it again! Anyone else record it? Anyone in the audience?” The boss said in fear.

A purple male pegasus raised his hoof. “S-see miss Great and Powerful Trixie? There's no need for that..”

“YEAH!” Yelled Horsepower.

“Trixie accepts this! She expects her pay to be triple for her injuries and pain and suffering!” She scoffed trotting off stage. She levitated her pinecone which no one questioned. “I'm going to name you Egbert.” She whispered.

“Well... I'm genuinely scared for life, but anyways join us next time for another exciting Trixie's Tips!” The announcer ended.

Idea by HeavyRain and Schatten Blitze