Author's Note
Another submission for Secret Moon’s Self-Isolation Writing Contest
Enjoy!
Journey's End
“Journeys end in lovers meeting; I have spent an all but sleepless night, I have told lies and made a fool of myself, and the very air tastes like wine. I have been frightened half out of my foolish wits, but I have somehow earned this joy; I have been waiting for it for so long.” ― Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House
She stared up at the castle, magnificent in it’s splendor. From her lowly place on the ground, it seemed towering, to where it could touch the sky and drag it down were it to fall. The sun setting over the horizon made it shimmer with it’s brightness and newness, and yet the sight did not entice her. Instead, she simply trotted inside.
It had been a week since she had begun living in this castle. Most of her possessions had been destroyed when the Golden Oak Library had been. Living in this new space so soon after losing the place that had been her home since she first came to Ponyville felt almost wrong. It was uncomfortable, the way it would be if somepony were to laugh at a funeral. She hadn’t had any time to mourn the place she had come from.
This castle- for she did not call it hers because it did not yet feel like hers- was the complete opposite of the Golden Oak library. With it’s cavernous ceilings, cold floors, endless hallways, and a maze of rooms, it did not feel like a home. It was not quaint or cozy as she’d hoped it to be. Instead it was… Isolating. She felt as though she could get lost in the castle and nopony would ever find her. It was going to swallow her up alive, leaving only it’s shining crystal walls as a testament to the works she accomplished in her life.
“Journeys end in lovers meeting”. She’d read the words in a book, the name of which she wished she could recall. She’d fully believed in those words. Every journey she had ever taken had led her to something great, and something she’d loved. Coming to Ponyville to oversee the Summer Sun Celebration preparations had led to her meeting her friends. Going to Canterlot for her brother’s wedding had led not only to Queen Chrysalis’ defeat, but also getting her old foalsitter as her sister-in-law. Going to the Crystal Empire to defeat King Sombra had saved the entire empire from living under a totalitarian dictatorship. Finishing Starswirl’s spell had led to her coronation.
Journeys end in lovers meeting. It had been that way time and again for her. And yet, she could not see that this time. The place she now went to to live was not her home. Her home had been blown to smithereens by Lord Tirek. This empty castle had popped up in it’s place. It’s lackluster decorum left many things to be desired. No pictures hung from the walls, no plants brightened up the room, no bookshelves were filled with well-loved books. It seemed only to be a place to sleep, and not a place of comfort as it should have been. Perhaps that was intended to be her comfort in this time- she did have somewhere to go. But whatever comfort it may have given was cold, just like the castle itself.
As she wandered the empty halls with no destination in mind, she felt small- dwarfed by it’s sheer size. Even with Spike living in the same castle, it was incredibly lonely. That was yet another thing that made the castle feel so isolating- Spike and herself were like ships passing in the night in a place this vast. Sure, he’d come to find her if he needed something, and she would check in on him many times, but it wasn’t the same. Sharing close quarters gave her that extra sense of a strengthened bond between them, but because they weren’t together as much, it felt so isolating.
There was pressure. As a princess it was her job to be measured and collected when dealing with any matter. Granted, sometimes she didn’t do well with those things, but when it came to smaller issues it felt like she was expected to be alright when she simply wasn’t. This was one such a time.
Losing your home was something to grieve, but because another one had popped up in it’s place, she felt she was expected to just be over it. How could she be, though? The Golden Oak Library was where she met her friends, had her first sleepover, took in Owlowiscious, and did so many other important things. Coming to that library was, she felt, the start of her journey to becoming a whole pony.
Journeys end in lovers meeting. She thought idly, but the thought was bitter with the irony that she did not love the castle, not at all.
She considered telling her friends that she felt this way, but she never quite knew when a good time for that was. When everypony was together the conversation was always lighthearted and fun. She never wanted to bring it down with what seemed to altogether be a petty problem in comparison to the ones they’d faced together. She knew her friends would listen and be supportive- She never once doubted that. And yet… This felt like such an intimate problem that she didn’t feel very comfortable talking about it.
She went to the room she’d been sleeping in for a week now. The only thing that designated it as hers was Owlowiscious’ perch in the corner, and some scrolls on the desk. There were a few books, but it was a pitiful display in comparison to the library where she’d been surrounded by pages of comforting words and the scent of adventure. She did not like this room, or this castle, at all, but she was willing to soldier on. If not for the sake of her friends, then for Spike. He’d had his home taken away too, and he needed and deserved something comforting like sticking to a routine and her positivity.
She climbed into her bed. Perhaps the one saving grace of this castle being so large was that it made her bed particularly comforting. She felt less cold, and less empty when she was wrapped in the warm embrace of her sheets and blankets. She knew she would not sleep for a long while, but was content to lie there with her eyes closed, thinking of days gone by that were far sweeter than those she faced now.
When the line between wakefulness and sleep was growing dangerously thin, a sound dragged her back to the realm of consciousness. The hinges of a door creaking. Normally she would have paid no mind to this. Another thing she had learned about the castle was that despite being new, it had it’s own little quirks. The sound of groaning as the wooden doors tried to expand or contract, the creaking of hinges on a window shutter, the rumble of the stove when she turned it on. She had grown used to them, but not comfortable with them. The reason this particular sound wakened her was that she knew it was the hinges of her door creaking, and she knew for a fact that she’d shut it earlier to try and make it feel smaller.
“Twilight?”
She turned over in her bed, and sat up. “Spike? Is everything okay?” She asked.
The baby dragon crossed the room to her bed and clambered up onto it, a blanket clutched in his claw. “I can’t sleep.” He said softly.
He moved to sit with her and she wrapped her hooves around him in a small hug. “I can’t either.” She admitted.
“It’s been hard to be here, Twilight. It doesn’t feel like home.” He admitted.
The feeling of an enormous weight being lifted from her was undeniable. Thank Celestia Spike had told her. There was something so strangely comforting about it. She thought perhaps that she had been the only one upset about the loss of their home. She’d never been so happy to be wrong.
She gave him a little squeeze that she hoped would be reassuring. “I know. I’ve been having trouble with that too.” She said. She knew honesty was the best thing for a situation like this. “It’s hard living in some place so big, isn’t it?”
Spike nodded, leaning into her a little. “I feel like we didn’t get to say goodbye. The Golden Oak Library was our home, Twilight. And we didn’t get to say goodbye. I feel like if I start liking this place then it’s like I’m doing something wrong.”
“You wouldn’t be doing something wrong to start liking this place.” She said, wanting to nip that in the bud right off the bat. “You’d be adjusting to your new normal, and that’s okay. As for not saying goodbye… That was hard for me too. But maybe we can do something special together to honor the library. Would you like to?"
“Like what?”
“Well, we could go to the remains of it and share our favorite memories. We could invite our friends too if you want. We could plant a new tree there, and watch something grow. Anything you like.” She promised.
“I think it should be just us.” He said, quietly. “I love our friends, but they didn’t live there like we did. I know they’d understand if we wanted to do that on our own.”
She smiled softly. “Me too.”
Spike yawned, before he spoke. “Do you think this place will ever feel like home?”
She had to consider that a moment, because she’d asked herself the same question. “Someday.” She replied quietly. “Someday it will. When we make memories here with our friends, it will feel like a home. And we have to get used to the size.” She smiled a little at the end.
Spike chuckled softly as he found himself trying to lay on Twilight for warmth. “Twilight?” His voice was growing faint as he finally felt the comfort of sleep’s sweet embrace trying to take him away.
“What is it, Spike?”
“It might not be a home yet, but I think it’s my home. Because home is wherever I am with you.” He said, before his eyes drooped shut.
She smiled softly and gently at the comment. In that one moment, her perspective shifted. Suddenly, it was poignantly clear. Even though the castle did not yet feel like a home to her, it was home, because the dragon who mattered the most to her was still there with her. Memories would be made and fill the now-empty halls with laughter. Books would line the shelves again with a bit of help from Princess Celestia and perhaps her Brother. The coldness of the castle would be replaced with warmth.
Journeys end in lovers meeting. The thought made her smile now, with no bitterness tainting it. Things would be okay again. Someday, this place would be a home, but for now, they had a home with one another.
“I think I’m starting to feel right at home.” She smiled. Then, wrapping her hooves around Spike in a tangled embrace they had not done for years, she fell asleep, feeling at home at last.
“I am home, she thought, and stopped in wonder at the thought. I am home, I am home, she thought; now to climb.” ― Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House
