Well then, ponies...

alright it's only 3k words but i'm so sick you bat rastards are lucky to get that much lol u know i love you all

All through the night I was tormented, tormented by glowing yellow eyes and a laugh that crawls under your skin. The being was a god, I had felt these dreams before but the feelings that this one brought were new. Completely chaotic, every thought and emotion was splattered against the walls of my sanity more thoroughly than any other deity. But, it wasn’t malicious at all, it was scared. It clung to my mind like nothing else, cackling. Whatever this being was it had magic very similar to my own, eerily so. “Oh my friend, it has been far too long.”

Its voice was soothing and before I realized it I was responding, “Friends we may be, but I don’t remember.”

“I know, but we will be together again soon, and we will cause all kinds of chaos.”

“As it should be Discord.”

I woke up with a roar, still in my dragon form. “What is it!?”

Rulia jumped up and looked around but saw nothing. I on the other hand saw opportunity, opportunity to cause chaos, “It’s nothing, bad dream.”

She wrapped her neck around mine, “Want to tell me about it?”

“Not right now, but it involved a god.”

“Are they STILL trying to control you?”

“No, it was something different.”

“Like what?”

I stood on all fours and shook my head, “Discord, he was scared.”

“Discord?”

“He, it, it’s gone.”

I put a claw to my head and scratched it, bad idea. Black blood poured from the wound making me wince, “Holy crap these things are sharp, how do you scratch anything?”

“Fire, it has a soothing effect on dragons.”

“Speaking of which, Should we get Spike back to the library?”

“Might as well, it would give us an excuse to go back.”

She stretched like a cat would as her stomach growled, “That and I’m hungry.”

I levitated the tiny dragon onto my back and we started back to ponyville. Fun fact about dragons, only the males have spikes. This is because the males need to cause as much damage as possible in the shortest amount of time while the females were smaller and faster without spines. Though I suppose it didn’t matter, two dragons walking into ponyville would scare the town shitless no matter what they looked like. It was a ghost town, well except for the idiots who thought they could fight dragons by throwing flowers at it. I made sure I didn’t crush any ponies as I got to the library and knocked the door in with my claw making Twilight arrive faster than usual, “Meep.”

I levitated Spike from under one of my scales which he had instinctively crawled under, “He’s going to be a lot more sexually aggressive now so it would be a good idea to introduce him to females of his species.”

She just stood there shaking as Rulia stalked off into the forest. Spike had woken up and was poking Twilight who didn’t budge, “Twilight, you alive?”

“S-spike, who’s your friend?”

I growled at her, “Am I really that hard to remember?”

my dragon body began to dissolve as I stepped forward leaving my human body in its wake by the time I reached Twilight, “Magic, transformation class ten.”

Her ears perked up at the mention of magic, “Class ten? Would you mind explaining?”

I looked back towards the forest before shrugging, “Why not, I have some time to kill but could we do this inside? I don’t like the look of that mob.”

Twilight looked at the mob that had upgraded from flowers to torches and pitchforks, “Of course.”

When we were inside I leaned against the wall and put my hood up, “So you wish to know about the sins of magic? Well before we delve into hell and come back with boundless knowledge you must sign the contract.”

She backed a few steps away from me, “Sins, contract, hell?”

I sighed, “In order for me to give you my arcane knowledge I must ensure that you will use it responsibly. It’s a tradition dating back to before time and I intend to make sure it is followed.”

“What does the contract state?”

“It is a simple oath, you must pledge your soul to the pursuit of improving and learning all things arcane. My brother and I both took this oath and have fulfilled our sides of the contract. In return we were allowed access to the Arcanum library, the library that holds all magical knowledge from every place in every world. In order to fulfill your end of the contract you must make a spell that only you can do, a signature spell if you would like. My brother made a spell he calls holy retribution, it casts all evil from the mind and body for a short time or it destroys and entities of pure evil. My spell I do not wish to discuss, it is not my proudest work. I used it when fighting your brother, who proceeded to break it like it was a twig.”

I clenched my fists and growled. “Umm, it sounds very serious.”

“It is, but there have been several ponies from your world who have taken it up and currently live in the Arcanum library.”

“Like who?”

“Well my teacher went by the name Starswirl the bearded and my caretaker was named Clover the clever. Your goddesses visited every now and then as well as the one named Discord but I never saw them personally.”

“Discord!?!?”

I cringed at her volume, “Yes, he is quite intelligent from what I know. He actually has his own room filled with chaos magic, quite the achievement considering only those who spend thousands of years working nonstop could get a single book published.”

“Discord, is smart?”

“Of course, he’s one of the oldest beings alive. He went mad around three thousand years ago though. Poor guy had his heart broken by some bitch named Celestia.”

I saw her coat pale, “Celestia you say.”

“Yeah, I swear if I ever get my hands on that bitch. *sigh* What kind of monster do you have to be to drive a guy to insanity? Anyway we’re getting off topic, all you have to do is take a test before you sign a piece of paper. After that you have full access to my arcane knowledge, well excluding my spells that are still being tested.”

“Test?”

“Oh yeah, it’s just a little thing. I sense you for magical ability and if you have enough you’re in.”

“Oh, okay. How long would that take?”

“Already done, you have enough though just barely. Now all we need is you to sign.”

I pulled a scroll from my robes and handed it to Twilight who stared at it intensely, “Alright, this seems fair. But what is this tutor replacement clause?”

“If an Arcanum mage is no longer able to fulfill his duties then you will be called to step in and tutor his apprentice until they can be assigned a new teacher.”

“Umm, I already have a teacher. She lives in the palace, if that’s acceptable.”

“Well let’s see, what’s her name?”

I pulled out a communication crystal from my pocket and smiled. “Umm, promise you won’t get mad?”

“Of course.”

“Her name is princess Celestia.”

The crystal cracked in my hands, “Well, that was not expected.”

The crystal buzzed in my hand for a minute before I answered, “Jacob Indium here.”

A small portal showing my old teacher appeared in his hat, old white beard, and aged blue coat, “Ah Jacob, we received report you’ve been dimension hopping and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine master, taking a vacation actually. Was just about to get a unicorn signed up.”

“Oh so you took my advice? Wonderful so how is Equestria?”

“Well, it’s somewhat peaceful but I have a lot on my mind lately.”

“Is that so? Well don’t just stand there spit it out son.”

“I got Rulia pregnant, so I’ve had to be extra careful for the past few days.”

“Well congratulations my boy, when’s the wedding?”

“Probably right after we get back to our world, I’ll tell you when we get back. Oh and before I forget, Twilight Sparkle, allow me to introduce Master Starswirl the Bearded.”

I turned the crystal to Twilight who just gaped at the image. “Well you’re the new element of magic then?”

Twilight nodded. “Wonderful, Celestia talks about you constantly and I’m elated that you’ll finally begin training that is befitting one of your ability.”

“T-thank you sir.”

“You know, I knew your ancestor Velveteen Sparkle. Frisky mare that one, we had quite a few nights together.”

A small blush was growing on Twilight’s face, “Oh, well, thank you?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things awkward it’s just you look exactly like her and she was so easy to talk to. Her special talent was making friends believe it or not, nopony could dislike her.”

“Is that right, well do you know any other of my ancestors?”

“Well you’re a direct descendant of my wife Clover but not by my loins.”

The blush covered the entirety of her face now, “Wow, I have a famous ancestor.”

“Well you have several dear but right now my work is starting to pile up, we’ll have to continue talking later but right now I must bid you goodbye.”

“Goodbye sir.”

The portal closed leaving Twilight nearly speechless, “Starswirl the bearded is alive?”

I nodded, “Alive and kicking, he’s one of the most respected teachers at the Arcanum. Now just sign at the bottom of the paper and we’ll get started.”

“Alright, just let me get a quill.”

I shook my head and smiled. She tried several times but the ink just kept disappearing off the paper causing her to become irritated, “What is wrong with this paper!?”

I chuckled and let a small flame dance on top of one of my fingers, “Here’s the hint: Magic is the main focus of this rune, both the parchment and the signer must be in tune.”

“What do runes have to do with this!?”

I sighed, “I really thought you were smarter than this, you must open your mind. Think as you wouldn’t normally do. I’ll be right back, I need to check something.”

I stepped out and activated the crystal in my hand, “Clover the clever.”

It pulsed a couple of times before a portal showing my caretaker showed, “Yes dear?”

“Hey Clover, can I ask a favor?”

“Of course, now what do ya need?”

“I need a couple names looked up.”

“No problem, who are they?”

“Pinkie Pie, Lyra Heartstrings, and Vinyl Scratch.”

“No problem, all from Equestria right?”

I nodded. “Ah, here they are. Lyra is an initiate while Vinyl is a first level mage. Oh wow, Pinkie is on the same level as you as far as raw magika goes. Her skills are mainly teleportation and stretchy spells but she’s got tons of energy. Why do you need this info?”

“Just keeping track of a few things, I have some suspicions but I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything just yet.”

“You always were a bit paranoid.”

“Didn’t hear you complaining when I saved your but from Nexus, who knows what he would have done to you.”

She shuddered, “Ya, thanks again for that.”

“No problem, you’re the closest thing to a real mom I ever had.”

“Aww, aren’t you sweet? Well if that’s all I’ll be seeing you.”

“Alright, bye mom.”

I put the crystal away and walked back into the library too see Twilight’s hair on fire, “This is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done!!!”

“Not quite, you haven’t actually done it yet.”

Her still flaming head slowly turned towards me, “I’ll show you what I can do!!”

“Meep.”

I ran out of the building right towards the angry mob, “RUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!”

I jumped over them and flew away as fast as I could which still wasn’t fast enough to beat a teleportation, “Tell me how to sign it!”

I chuckled and let a dark mist swirl around me, “It would be in your best interest not to make demands of me Sparkle, lest your precious friends feel the sting of your wrath.”

She just snorted and rubbed her hoof on the ground, “Very well, behold my favorite summoning spell. He’s nasty, he’s evil, and all around cruel. He makes fire look tame and steam look cool. I summon you master Zouel!!”

a pillar of green flames erupted from the ground in front me then quickly dissipated leaving an old dwarf, “Well let’s see what you’ve gotten yourself into here sonny, ah a unicorn is it?”

“Yes sir, no mercy.”

The dwarf nodded and hobbled over to Twilight. He took a good look at her before raising his walking stick and hitting her on the head, “Where do you youngins’ get the idea in your heads that violence is the way to settle things!? Back in my day when we had a dispute we did it the civil way, we had a contest! You new generations have no respect for the old ways or each other, why I ought to put you over my knee and SMACK some sense into you! What with your fancy chancy newfangled spells and your high and mighty courts, you are going to do this the right way and that’s final!”

“B-but-”

“The only buts that are here are the ones that’ll get smacked raw if you don’t go over there and apologize!”

she cringed and slowly started walking over before Zouel smacked her flank, “Before I die youngin’!”

she trotted over and mumbled out an apology. “No problem, now before his wrath is turned on me how about we think of a contest?”

“Contest?”

“Of your choice though I recommend one where we make things.”

“Ok, what about making a magical conduit?”

I smiled, “Deal. You want to stay and watch Zouel?”

he shook his head, “Better get back before the grandkids destroy the house.”

“Alright, I’ll be sure to use dwarven metal.”

“You do that.”

In a burst of green flames he vanished. “So Twilight, how do you like my friends?”

“He was mean.”

“True, but he got the job done. So you want to do the contest tomorrow? It’ll give us enough time to get materials.”

She nodded and started walking away. “And don’t forget, I got out of telling you anything about my magic!”

I teleported back to my room and chuckled, “I think I’m getting rather good at this trolling thing.”

I pulled some pork out of my bag and sat on the bed eating while I thought about what I was going to make. Probably a simple dwarven staff, a few crystals to use as conduits and I’d be done. *groan* I just remembered why I don’t like using summoning spells, makes me tired. I yawned and closed my eyes, “Just five minutes.”

When I woke up I was being shaken by a disgruntled Rainbow Dash, “Even I’m not this hard to wake up!”

I groaned, “No mommy, I don’t want to study how an elf sings to nature.”

She slapped me, or punched, hard to tell with hooves, “Wake up already!”

“Gaah, fine!”

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, “What do you want?”

“Twilight’s waiting for you in town square.”

“I slept till the next day, crap. Aww well, I was gonna wing it anyway. No pun intended.”

She looked back at her wings, “ha ha, very funny. Now come on.”

I put the covers on Rulia before following Rainbow to the town square where Twilight was already working on some monstrous devise. I sat on a bench next to her and yawned, “Alright, we have a time limit?”

“Three hours.”

“Alrighty then.”

I snapped my fingers making some raw materials appear, dwarven metal ingots, soul gems, diamonds, and most importantly: coffee. The wonderful bitter black liquid flowed down my throat waking me up instantly, “Time to crush a girl’s dreams into dust!!!”

my hand caught fire as I began molding the staff into a straight pole with a gyro design that would hold the conduit. After three hours I had made an excellent staff.

I picked the staff up and faced a smirking Twilight, “That looks nice but it will never have the kind of charge that my machine does.”

“Oh really? Well why don’t you go first?”

“With pleasure.”

A pony dummy was brought out and Twilight activated her machine, it took fifteen minutes to charge and only set the dummy on fire. “Not bad Sparkle but now let me show you what happens when you put soul into your work.”

Another dummy was brought out but I shook my head and had fourteen others brought out. I pointed my staff at them and with a couple of seconds of charging the staff a small blast of energy blasted out of the end and incinerated the small group of stuffed ponies in a mushroom cloud, “And that, is why I’m the dark overlord and you’re still a student.”

Her eye began twitching before she sighed, “How did you do that?”

I twirled my staff in my hands, “Soul gems.”

“What are soul gems?”

I wagged my finger, “Nuh uh, you lost. You have to sign the contract first.” “But it’s impossible!”

“No, it isn’t. I know for a fact that at least three ponies in this town have done it already, and one isn’t even a unicorn!”

Twilight closed her mouth and started thinking really hard. I smiled and leaned on my staff as the crowd began to leave, “Well miss Sparkle, if you can’t figure it out then you might not want to join.”

“But what about the Arcanum!?”

“It occurs to me that you might not be able to handle the secrets of space and time. Oh hello Doctor, the Daleks give you any trouble lately?”

The brown colt walking by smiled, “Not for at least a decade, things are going great!”

“The offer still stands to make her immortal.”

“It’s still up to her.”

“Well tell her I said hello won’t you?”

he nodded and walked away. I watched Twilight think for a while before I saw a mint colored unicorn, “Hey Lyra, there once was a man from Peru.”

She smiled, “Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.”

“He awoke with a fright.”

“In the middle of the night.”

“To find his dream had come true.”

She laughed while I just smiled and went back to watching Twilight, “Damn, I think I broke her.”

I poked her with the staff rousing her from her thoughts, “huh, what?”

“Okay, I thought I brokded ur breanz.”

Her eye twitched, “Is that a human saying?”

“No, just bad grammar.”

I chuckled as she sighed and walked away. “Jacob! Get your lazy sexy ass back here!”

I turned around to see Rulia running towards me. I raised an eyebrow as she grabbed me by the neck and sprinted back to our room, “How the hell did this happen?”