Well then, ponies...

by Soul Reaper

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 34731

dark mage that need a vacation + Equestria = hijinks

What would you do if you were the master of all darkness? how about if you became that by accident? Blow up one SMALL country and your branded for life, not my fault he pulled a gun. But i'm not getting to the point am i? I am Jacob, Scourge of mankind and the dark overlord of the shadow realm. I'm also the twin brother of the grand Templar, a beacon of light to all of mankind. this story is the product of a misunderstanding and me getting fed up with being locked in my castle. What better way to relax than with a vacation to picturesque ponyville? Ya, that bit me in the ass rather quickly.

Published 2012-08-31 06:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-22 06:14:38 UTC

well, that escalated quickly

I woke up to bells, not the kind that gave a little jingle, the kind used for alarms. I shot outside to see a giant purple bear; it had a celestial body with piercing red eyes.

“Oh fuck me with a sandpaper dildo.”

I walked through town until I was right in front of the bear. It regarded me only for a second before trying to crush me under its paw, it missed. I was yawning on its head, “Surrender or face the consequences.”

It slapped its head trying to get rid of me. I sighed and snapped my fingers making the gargantuan beast shrink to the size of a puppy. The bear looked up at me for a moment before bolting. The town was deserted, not a soul in sight. I walked to Sugarcube corner and opened the door to reveal half the town, “Alright, it’s gone.”

Silence… “Well, are you going to sit here like a bunch of cowards or are you going to stand up and walk it off?”

they slowly got up and poke their heads outside. After a moment they started to cheer and run out of the store. I rolled my eyes before walking out and jumping up onto a cloud, I deserve a nap.

“We shouldn’t wake him up, fighting an Ursa Major had to take a lot of energy. I nearly passed out levitating an Ursa MINOR.”

I took a slow breath, “Not really, I barely had to snap my fingers.”

I sat up on the cloud that was now only a foot above the ground and hopped off of it, “Alright, time for lunch.”

I slowly looked around before shrugging and walking back to the inn, I needed meat. I walked back into my room and opened my bags searching through them, “Ah here it is, steak dinner for one.”

I heated the container with magic before pulling out a table and sitting down on my bed. It tasted alright, never as good as fresh but good nonetheless. The potatoes were a bit bland and the green beans were soggy but it was a good meal. I got up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I got back into my room I just looked at it, so empty, just like home. I sighed before cleaning and putting away my dishes with magic. The town was pleasant; I could take a spot in the town square and watch as they went about their lives and not run in fear from me. If I had ever set so much as a foot outside of my territory back home half the country would move away from me. I smiled and closed my eyes listening to the sounds of ponies walk and talk. I listened for hours before my necklace started vibrating, I ducked into an alley and let it’s magic take effect letting me talk to and see my brother, “Hello Draven, did the plan go well?”

he nodded, “Without a hitch, but I’ve gathered some reports that some fugitives are heading for your castle.”

“Which means?” “I need you to come back for about an hour and see what they are doing.”

“Why are they fugitives?”

“The report says that a man assaulted one of the royal guards but not why.”

I groaned, “Alright, but this isn’t cutting into my vacation time.”

He nodded, “they’ll be at the edge of your territory in ten minutes.”

I nodded before closing the connection and trudging to an open space. I raised my arms and let magic swirl around me before taking hold of it and shaping it into a portal. while inter-dimensional travel was simple in theory it took a lot of energy and I didn’t have a deep enough connection with this world to draw the obvious magic in the air. I felt the magic in my belt drain a bit before my body burst into flames and disappeared. When I opened my eyes I was in front of my castle and felt the magic get sucked into my body, it wasn’t much but it was a pleasant feeling. I turned to the road leading away from my home and saw a small group of people walking towards me, I met them halfway and saw the man fall to his knees, “Oh great and powerful lord of darkness, I beg you to allow my family passage through your lands. We have little in the ways of money but I can offer you my soul.”

That was a tempting offer; a man’s soul could keep my entire castle running for thousands of years. I looked at the large man for a moment before regarding his family. He had a beautiful wife who was nursing a baby and two children that looked to be no more than ten. “How old are your children?”

he looked genuinely scared for a moment before bowing his head, “My daughters are ten and one while my son is eleven.”

I looked at the tired and starving family for only a moment, “You may pass through my lands on one condition.”

“Anything!”

“You and your family get some food and rest before you leave. I will also provide any supplies you need to continue.”

The man dropped his jaw as he looked up. “What? I’m not about to deny you because I’m evil, I have a soft spot for kids.”

He scrambled to his feet and hugged me, “Thank you sir!”

I smiled as he let me down, “I’m not all bad, the castle is mainly for show.”

I led them through my castle taking the hidden passageways until we got to my dining room, “Now, what are you hungry for? It isn’t often I get guests so my chef should be overjoyed to use his skills.”

As they all told my shadow chef what they wanted to eat I looked out my window into the pits of despair. After I heard them finish a roar sounded overhead making me dive under the table and cover my head. The family stiffened and the man spoke so softly that I barely heard him, “What was that?” I

poked my head out from under the table, “That, would be my fiancé.”

“What woman roars?”

“A dragoness.”

I could see the color leave his features, “But, humans have a pact with the dragons.”

“Because of my brother and me, he takes the curse of the draconian and I marry the princess of the dragons. Lucky bastard.”

My eyes widened, “Take the stairway up to the third floor and hide in the second room on the right. And if I die, then god help your race.”

They all ran off leaving me to await my fate. I started shaking as I heard her wings beat the air outside and the thump that indicated her landing. Dragons are a very powerful race by nature; their infants can easily rip ten foot trees from their roots. The females have less strength but they have something that makes them so much more powerful than the males: brains. Male dragons are strictly warriors or hunters; they follow their orders even if it will kill them. Five years ago the dragons and the humans started a war, nobody remembers what started it other than a few select gnomes and they’ll sooner let the world burn than give up their secrets. The war only lasted for a year but there were heavy losses on both sides. For the humans, we lost food and land. For the dragons, they lost something much worse, their queen. My brother and I had managed to defeat her only by the skin of our teeth, but when the dragon king Yorimus saw his mate dead. Let’s just say there used to be three other continents on the planet. After what seemed like forever his daughter, princess Rulia, managed to calm her father and set up the treaty with the humans. My brother took on a curse, every day at sunset he transforms into a draconian. A draconian is a half man half dragon beast that has evolved into the fastest creature in the world. Short of teleporting nothing can surpass his speed. He gains the ability to breathe fire and see in the dark. It wouldn’t be a curse but when he does transform the natural magic in his body fights the transformation and knocks him out. He hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since. I on the other hand, was engaged to Rulia. By the customs of her people since I slew the last queen I had to marry her daughter so the balance of power would be restored. As king I wouldn’t have many duties, I would listen to my wife and follow her orders. But as a magic user I had another responsibility to my wife, to give her a child. Magic users are rare, even rarer among dragons. As such the queen is only allowed to mate with them to give the most powerful offspring. Rulia herself was a magic user giving her even more respect from the dragons. Normally a single dragon wouldn’t scare me, but she was different. Her magic could almost match my own, that was enough to scare the rest of the world and not to mention the fact that she actually loved me. A woman in love is unpredictable; she might accuse me of sleeping around one minute then bring a harem with her the next. However none of that is the reason I was scared right now, I was scared because I had jumped dimensions without telling her. When she sensed it then she would have thought I was trying to get out of marrying her. I heard my traps go off and be destroyed all at once before she burst into the room, walked over to me, kissed me, and then slapped me, “Where were you!? You had me worried sick!”

she was a beautiful beast, her magic allowed her to transform into a human with crimson eyes and hair that seemed to fit perfectly on her ivory skin. “I’m sorry, I was so eager to go on vacation that I forgot to tell you.”

She slapped me again, “First, you scared me half to death! And second, you take a vacation without inviting me!?”

she latched on to me and began sniffling, “I thought I had lost you.”

She was a head shorter than me at six feet tall and had the proportions of a preadolescent girl, maybe because she was. I stroked her hair mumbling apologies before I returned the hug, “You know, I still have the room under rent and there’s nothing saying you can’t come with me. One of your sisters could take care of things while we relaxed for a while.”

I could feel the thrumming in her throat signaling that she liked the idea, “I would like that.”

Her hair smelled of fire as she got up on her toes and put her lips on mine. She broke the kiss and sat in a chair, “So who were those people?”

I chuckled, “Oh just a family that needed help.”

“I thought you were supposed to be an evil overlord.”

“Just because I’m the bad guy doesn’t mean I’m a bad guy.”

She smiled, “How could someone so powerful be so nice?”

“I did massacre hundreds of soldiers the other day, pretty sure that was evil.”

She raised an eyebrow at me before sighing, “So you want to be seen as good, yet you slaughter so many of them?”

“What can I say; I was in a bad mood.”

She shook her head and sauntered off the room I had made for her. I walked into the room that I had told the family to go to. Before I entered I used magic to shred and burn my clothes and cover my body with cuts and burns. Show time. I slowly opened the door to the room, “Is everyone alright?”

they looked a little scared but otherwise unharmed, “Alright, you can stay here if you want but Rulia and I are going to leave. If you need anything just ask a shadow guard.”

I cleaned myself up before going into my armory and grabbing a better sword, this one would never dull and it has a shadow enchantment on it. The entire thing was darker than ebony and when I drew it shadows rolled off of it in a mist. The shadows were mainly aesthetic but they did leave the wound completely black till it rotted away. After that I met Rulia in my magic room and opened another portal, “Alright my love, let’s go on vacation.”

She smiled before jumping into the portal with me carrying her bags jumping right after. Same as before we were in a fireball but this time I knew. As we approached the town I slowed out decent so we only cracked the earth under us instead of obliterating the town. I felt liberated and let my power wash over my body as I laughed, “FREEDOM!!!”

I was charged with energy as I transported Rulia’s bags to the room and jumped into the air. I flew with Rulia making sure I burned my excess energy by shooting the occasional meteor into the air. When we finally landed in a field Rulia chuckled, “I’ve never seen you this energetic.”

I flashed her a toothy grin, “I feel powerful, almost feral.”

She traced a finger across my jaw as she smiled, “Well why don’t we take care of that?”

“Hell yes.”

She walked away and when she was a good distance away her body shook a little before in a nanosecond her body had transformed into a mighty crimson dragon. We both gave a roar of passion and instinct as we began our fight. She moved first with a stream of white hot fire erupting from her mouth which I countered with thousands of small fireballs pouring from my hands every second. When she stopped I skimmed the ground as I sent earthen spikes shooting towards her with a single swipe of her tail she destroyed my attack and set fire to the entire field with magic. The fire itself wasn’t magic so it didn’t affect me beyond making me a little warm. I jumped up above her head and gave a maniacal laugh before twisting in the air creating a cocoon around me. The cocoon turned pitch black and grew until it exploded and I emerged as a black dragon nearly twice the size of Rulia. She seemed slightly surprised but soon realized she now had the upper claw, I was fighting in a form I was not accustomed to. My wings beat fiercely as I dived towards her mouth threatening to expend copious amounts of ebony flames. When I slammed into her I was blasted back by my wings and slammed into the ground with a boom. I lost all rationality and roared no longer Jacob but a dumb creature whose only purpose was to fight. She could see it in my feral look that I was no longer thinking and backed up a single step. I blasted forward at unimaginable speeds and opened my mouth to grab onto her neck only to be restrained by magic, I couldn’t move and eventually my instincts died down and I regained my senses. My eyes regained focus as I took a deep breath with my maw not an inch away from Rulia’s throat. I felt the magic lift leaving me to move on my own. I raised my head and looked into Rulia’s defiant eyes before wrapping my neck around hers, “I’m sorry.” Her throat thrummed at my apology, “Perhaps we can find an alternate way to slate your instincts?”

“Hell yes.”

Turns out Rulia loves to be dominated, didn’t see that one coming. I carried her unconscious human body back to ponyville which had long since turned in for the night. I was drained, a good feeling after so long of waiting, and waiting, and waiting. I put her into the bed and slipped into the other side of it after stripping. The night passed and I woke up with Rulia latched onto my chest. She really was a sweet girl, brutal and fierce but sweet. Since she refused to let go so I carried her to the bathroom and turned the water on making her sink her claw like fingers into my back, “AAAAAHHHH!!!”

I laughed and began washing her body. When we got out of the shower she glared at me, “I’m still sore you know.”

I chuckled as I grabbed some new robes, “So am I, but it’s a good kind of sore. I didn’t my body would be that flexible as a dragon, I can think of a lot of fun we can have.”

She smirked as she slipped into a red dress, “I’m going to make you work for it.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I took her hand and we walked out of the inn to wander around town until we finally settled down in the park. We sat there watching ponies run and play. “When you pick a vacation spot you make sure it’s a peaceful one.”

“I put a lot of thought into it. It feels nice to let my guard down.”

As if on cue an arrow whizzed past my head, “Fuck.”

I opened my eye to see the soldier that had his limbs replaced drawing his sword, “PREPARE TO DIE EVIL SCUM!!!”

I gave a small smile, “You want to deal with him or should I?”

Rulia just sighed, “It’s your battle.”

I nodded before standing up and meeting the warrior halfway, “You won’t be able to hit me.”

“What makes you so sure demon? These limbs that the grand Templar has blessed me with make me far superior to any other man you have fought.”

“Those arms are why you won’t be able to hit me, but if you want to do this the hard way so be it.”

The man raised his arms and brought down the sword which stopped a mere centimeter away from my head. “What?”

“The magic in your limbs belong to my brother, my twin brother. You may not have any magical knowledge but with the kind of magic he used there is a failsafe system. The limbs won’t attack their creator and because I am his brother we share most of our magical traces. The magic can’t tell the difference between me and my brother.”

His eyes grew wide as I lifted him by his neck, “How did you get here?”

he glared at me, “I’ll never tell.” I narrowed my eyes, “Oh you will, even if it isn’t by your own will.”

My arm turned black as shadows crept from inside my body into the man’s head, I saw his memories, I knew his dreams and ambitions, and I had his thoughts and feelings. The entire process took less than a second but it seemed like an eternity. “My own sister.”

I dropped the man on the ground and slumped down next to him, “That bitch.”

I sat there thinking for a moment before standing up and addressing the man, “Tell Katrina that if I must become what I am seen as then I will, and she will be first.” I let him become engulfed in fire sending him back to my sister. I sat back next to Rulia and cracked my knuckles, “We might have a war on our hands.”

“Why’s that?” she asked uninterested.

“My sister tried to have that man kill me.”

She raised an eyebrow, “You have a sister?”

“Two of them, Katrina and Zelda.”

“Any other relatives I don’t know about?”

“Just a few cousins, mainly farmers but my cousin Ziggs is an inventor.”

“What do your sisters do?”

“Well Katrina is the ruler of a small country in the middle of the ocean while Zelda is a paladin of the first order.”

She growled, “She’s a dragon slayer.”

“Yes, I believe you know her as the crimson scourge.”

Her eyes shrank, “How could you be related to that she demon!?”

I chuckled, “She was once a hero. It goes to show you, you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain. She is currently in my brother’s personal prison for mass murder.”

“Serves the egg smasher right.”

“Ha, yeah, never thought miss goody two shoes would turn psycho like that. I wonder what made her snap.”

I rubbed my chin before leaning back, “So is there anything you want to do?”

“What did you do before you came back?”

“Mainly sit and watch as they go about their lives without running away in fear. A nice change but there was something missing, I was still lonely. But then you came along.”

She rolled her eyes, “You would be so lost without me.”

“And I’d probably still be trying to cook.”

We chuckled and got I got up, “Well my princess, shall we go and partake of the delicacies we locate within this fair village?”

“You’re talking weird again.”

I smiled, “I know, but its fun sometimes.”

She sighed and took my hand; I had done as much research as possible so I walked her through town pointing out several landmarks. When we got to Sugarcube corner I felt a lot of ponies in there but the lights were out. I shrugged and opened the door, big mistake. “SURPRISE!!!!”

both Rulia and I jumped back with me drawing my blade and her slightly transforming. Her skin turned to scales and she had regained her wings and claws. The inhabitants were, to put it bluntly, shocked. “Holy crap, don’t you know not to surprise a dragon princess and the evil overlord? I damn near blew this place to kingdom Kong!” I

sheathed my katana while Rulia calmed down and we walked into the shop, “Seriously Pinkie, I almost took your head off.”

Pony booze, is strong! Like one shot of tequila is three mugs the highest quality beer. Oh and dear god the mead, sweeter and so much stronger. I had drunken only four steins and I was hammered. “So you said you’re an evil overlord?”

I looked at a tipsy Twilight, “Ya but I never wanted to be, I just kind of fell into it. And I’m not A evil overlord, I’m THE evil overlord. Mountains shake under my stare, men wet themselves at my thought, and the very universe is my bitch!!!”

she laughed and smiled, “So you’re a powerful, whatever you are.”

“I am a Homo-erectus, otherwise known as a human! But I am so much more, I am a mage, only one man rivals my power!”

“Who’s that?”

“My twin brother, Draven is a lucky bastard!”

“Wh-why is he lucky?”

“Because he’s the good guy, then again I suppose the paperwork would be hell. And being evil isn’t all that bad.”

“Why would you want to, to be evil?”

“It’s a job, I get paid for not destroying countries, I have a nice castle but it has nobody in it other than me. And Rulia comes to visit sometimes but her royal duties keep her busy so I only see her once every few weeks.”

“Rulia, who’s that?”

I pointed to the girl downing her twelfth keg of beer and stood up before wobbling over to her, “Everypony! If I may introduce the stunningly beautiful princess of dragons, the fire-y ruby of my heart, and my fiancé, her royal highness Rulia!!!”

she bowed a couple times before returning to her keg. Man dragons can pack it away. The crowd had started singing several songs at once so all I heard was incoherent noise. After a few more hours most of the ponies had passed out and I was stumbling around yelling, “BAH! You’re all lightweights! We humans have WAY more endurance!”

I fell over, “Well hello floor! Fancy meeting you here!”

Rulia helped me up fairly drunk herself, “Come on, we, we need to like, get to the, place.”

I snapped my fingers transporting us to the inn, “This place?”

she nodded, well not so much nodded but jerked her head. I could tell she was in the mood from her scent so I started kissing her neck and worked my way to her mouth letting instinct take over. That night Nopony couldn’t sleep from all the roaring.

damn

Okay, first off i'm sorry this is a bit short and it took me longer than usual but i had some 'distractions' this week. mainly in the form of a crafty bitch named dawnguard but a few days ago my dog of eleven years died. had the funeral and such, not really we just buried him in the backyard.... but enough about real life let us return to the land ofuckwe'rescrewed!!!

Worst, hang over, ever. It felt like my body was on fire but my head was getting beaten by a mace. “Never again.”

I gave a weak chuckle, “You did better than I did.”

“The fire in my stomach burned away most of the alcohol.”

“I should’ve stayed as a dragon.”

“Yes you should have, and then you would have been much bigger.”

“Hey I didn’t hear you complaining last night!”

“Oh please, I said those things to save your pride.”

“Rulia, you forget one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I have magic.”

With a snap of my fingers she fell down moaning, “N-no fair!”

I gave her a sadistic grin, “Who said I had to play fair?”

she writhed on the ground in ecstasy as I increased the power, “How’s my pride looking now?”

she just shuddered as she climaxed and panted, “You *pant* have to *pant* teach me how *pant* to do *pant* that *pant*.”

I just smiled as I put her on the bed as she fell asleep. I waltzed out of the room and tripped over something in the hallway, “Mother fucker!”

I looked over at a disheveled looking twilight as I used some magic to heal my now broken nose. “I remembered what happened last night.”

“That’s nice, care to fill me in?”

“You said you were an evil overlord.”

“I am what of it?” “If you’re evil then why aren’t you doing evil things?”

“Like pillaging your town and raping your women?”

“YES!”

“I’m on vacation.”

“Zwuh?” she literally fell down from surprise.

“Ya, so I’m not going to destroy anything.”

“Oh, ummm.”

“You already contacted the authorities haven’t you?”

“Umm, yes?”

“Fuck, alright. Won’t be the first time some grunts have been sent after me.”

“I’m sorry, and could you tone down the language?”

“What are you talking about?” I sat up against the wall leaving me at eye level to her.

“F-f-f-f-FUCK! You shouldn’t say things like that.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh please, when you have the power to beat me into submission then I’ll use the kind of language you want but now I’ll speak how I wish.”

“Beat you into submission?”

“Not relevant, so what are these thugs that are being sent after me like?”

“They’re Princess Celestia’s elite guard, hoof chosen by her!”

“Alright, seems like the force will be mainly magical, aerial support with some knights up front. No problem.”

“Are you kidding!? Not only are they dangerous but they are all ex-convicts! Not to mention they’re bringing the Wonderbolts with them!”

“Tis fine young apprentice, I have nary a doubt that I shall defeat them and their squabble of mercenaries.”

She cocked her head. “Does nobody appreciate fine literature anymore!?”

“I do but, I’ve never met a pony who speaks like that other than Luna.”

“Whatever, I’ll deal with them when I have to. When they get here tell them I’ll be on one of the clouds.”

She nodded but tried to protest, “But-“

I teleported away emerging right above a sleeping rainbow dash, and landing on her.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!” she scrambled to get out from under me and glared at me as soon as she did, “WHAT IN EQUESTRIA DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?”

“Waking you up.”

“WHY!?”

“Because why not? You have a life don’t you? Why waste it sleeping the days away?”

”Well excuse me for getting tired after practicing my stunts!”

with a snap of my fingers she was filled with energy, “Alright, see you later.”

She blinked a few times before blasting off yelling words of thanks. I closed my eyes for what seemed like a second before I was shaken awake, “You are under arrest!”

I opened an eye to see a white pegasus in golden armor, “So you’re a royal guard? Would’ve thought you’d have more muscle, most of the grunts back home are muscle bound freaks.”

I slid off the cloud and fell to about four feet to the ground before stopping and yawning. At least three dozen ponies surrounded me as I chuckled, “I don’t know whether I should be flattered or insulted, most places would only send a single soldier to apprehend me. But since I have no plans to go quietly may I suggest we go to the open plain a few miles away? If you don’t agree then too bad.”

A snap of my fingers transported me to the field smiling, “I love screwing with ponies.”

The field was burnt from the fight the other day and looked battle ready. The once golden grass was charred black and a few parts were still on fire, the sky was blue with the sun positioned at the 8:00 am point. After a few minutes the ponies showed up. “Fast, a small group would be faster but against me you would prefer brute strength."

The one in purple armor stepped forward and puffed out his chest, “By order of princess Celestia I demand you come with us for interrogation!”

I nodded and stroked my chin, “So my options are murder you all in a show of cruel and bloody violence or come to be tortured presumably by you slowly ripping out my intestines?”

the stallion looked horrified, “NO! We only want to ask you a few questions!”

“Then ask, I’m not going anywhere unless my fiancé wants to.”

“You have a fiancé?”

“Indeed I do, her name is Rulia and she is the current ruler of the dragons.”

I could see his white coat lose color, “D-dragons?”

“Not from this world, another dimension entirely but since you made me come all the way out here I’m not inclined to answer any more questions.” Come on, take the bait.

“Very well, squad one frontal assault while squad two you get behind him.”

I smiled as I looked into the leader’s eyes, “Would you prefer me to use lethal or nonlethal force?”

he smirked, he had the gall to actually smirk! “As if you pose a threat to us, use whatever force you think you can muster.”

My smile slowly disappeared and turned into a glare, “Wrong choice of words mule.”

I began walking towards him but was shaken by a blast of energy from a mare, “Stay away from the captain!”

I focused my eyes on the mare and used her shadow to make her move towards me, “What the hay!?”

when she was within my reach I removed her helm lifting some sort of enchantment making her turn from the ivory white to a grungy blue. She was a unicorn with defiant purple eyes and a similarly colored mane. “Blame your captain for this.” I sneered. I grabbed her skull and forced my magic into her body and mind, her coat turned black as her eyes turned pure blue, her horn smoothed out and curved as she sprouted insect like wings all the while she’s screaming in agony. As the transformation ends her hooves melt in places giving them holes and her mane shrinks to look like a fin. She pants on the ground before smiling revealing sharp vampire like teeth, “What is your wish master?”

“Feed my daughter, feed to your heart’s content.”

She looked directly at the captain and licked her lips, “With pleasure.”

She took three steps before she started shuddering, “N-no!”

I raised an eyebrow before fueling more magic to the spell. She stopped shuddering and jumped towards the captain. I took a quick look around to the squadron and smiled, they were all too busy watching the mare to fight. I snapped both my hands at once transforming the majority into the beast I had changed the mare, it’s good to be powerful. They all converged on the captain and piled onto him before in a pink flash they were all back to normal. “Interesting, that’s some impressive power mule.”

“Same to you beast.”

I cleared my throat and smiled, “Oh I’m no beast, I’m a mage.”

I took a deep breath and scanned through my opponents, the majority were unicorns while about an eighth were either pegasi or earth ponies. Good, this was starting to get boring. I straightened up and proceeded to walk over to the captain, “You must know by now you can’t win, I haven’t broken a sweat while your entire team is exhausted.”

He looked at his near unconscious group and hung his head, “Fine, but this isn’t over.”

“You know, you could have just asked nicely.”

He stumbled, “What!?”

I sighed, “I’d love to explain but I’m probably already in a whole lot of trouble with Rulia, I’m probably going to have to get her some more jewelry.”

I groaned, “I can already see my gold going down the drain.”

He chuckled, “Women.”

I gave him a small smile, “Dragons.”

He nodded as we all walked towards the town. It was silent until I looked at him, “I have to say that was some unique magic, where did you learn it?”

“That was the magic of love, I discovered it at my wedding.”

I sighed, “Love, now that’s a cruel word. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy for you and I do love Rulia but I can’t help but think about the end result.”

“Which is?”

“Death, we always have to leave our loved ones whether we want to or not.”

“Grim thinking.”

“Ya, but being locked away for a few years will do that to you.”

“Locked up?”

I gave a weak chuckle, “You think I WANTED to be the evil overlord? I just kind of fell into it.”

“How do you fall into being an evil overlord?”

“I blew up a small country killing millions of people.”

I saw his eye twitch. “Relax, it was back when I was still having trouble controlling my power and it was the other guy’s fault! He was the one who pissed me off.”

“You need to keep your temper under control.”

“Ya, have some drunk creep try to get you to set him up with YOUR sister and see how you feel.”

I could see a shiver go through his body, “Point taken.”

When we got near the town I froze, “Crap.”

The captain looked up at me with a puzzled expression. “See you later!”

I started running back just as Rulia came into view, “GET BACK HERE YOU SWINE!!!”

Quick fact about dragons, when they get pissed off they will rip through mountains. I didn’t stand a chance. “Of all the idiotic hair brained self-destructive things to do you decide to piss off the authorities of this world!?!?”

“Umm, yes?”

POW! I flew fifteen feet back with a sickening crunch, “You know, if I was a regular person that would’ve killed me.”

“If you were a regular person then I wouldn’t care if you got yourself arrested.”

I touched my now broken ribs and winced, “Fair enough, but did you have to break my ribs?”

“Yes.”

I tried to smile but hissed from pain instead, she was strong. I healed my ribs before standing up to meet her open hand. “Holy mother fucker! Really!? With the claws!?”

I touched my ripped open cheek and felt bone, “Alright, that’s enough Rulia.”

“Who are you to order me!?”

enter breaking point, “I AM THE LORD OF DARKNESS!!! I AM PAIN AND SUFFERING, I AM THE SOURCE OF ALL FEAR AND HATRED!!! I’M A GRIM BLOODY FABLE, WITH AN UNHAPPY BLOODY END!!!”

I had never been this pissed off in my life, I don’t know why. Rulia regarded me with shock for only a moment before nodding, “I was afraid this would happen.”

I felt my jaw clench as I glared at her, “Start talking woman.”

“Dragon blood, remember last time we were going at it we bit each-other?”

“You better have a point.”

“Dragon blood has varying effects on humans, the most common are cases of irrational rage.”

She was so calm, it pissed me off, “I’ll show you irrational!”

I lunged at her only to be stopped by a purple aura, “Stop!”

I looked back at Twilight and screamed, “Truil shrah kuach zol!!”

as the words left my mouth they gained physical forms in the shape of six separate Twilights. In her stunned state the magic restraining me lifted leaving me to draw my blade, “Druil skii luv truin. (in dragon language: let us dominate eachother.)”

*THUD* god dammed flying rocks.

BEEP

What the hell?

BEEP

BEEP

BEEP

I will destroy whatever is making that noise.

BEEP

“Die unholy thing!”

I pushed myself off of whatever was on and slammed my fist into an odd metal thing. As soon I did the beeping stopped and I noticed glass shards in my fist. Not my ideal way to start the day. As I picked the glass out I noticed Rulia snoring on the couch and a very tired looking Twilight, “How in Equestria can you sleep in the same bed as her?”

I chuckled, “Truth be told it’s not so much sleeping as passing out from exhaustion.”

“Why would you be exhausted?”

“Sex.”

Her face turned beet red, “Oh well, that would explain it.”

“What happened last night? Feels like I got beaten with a elven war hammer.”

“A what?”

I just gave her a blank stare, “Really? Why did I pick a world full of weakling ponies again?”

“We aren’t weak!”

“save for the elements of harmony there isn’t a power on this planet that can take me on, except Rulia but she doesn’t count.

“Why not?”

“If we fought all out this country would be destroyed and that does not bode well for me if I want to come back.”

“Wait, how do you know about the elements of harmony if you aren’t from this world?”

“You really think I would go somewhere without learning how it could be a threat to me?”

“That’s, really smart.”

“If I wasn’t smart I’d be dead, and I do quite enjoy life. Those zombie guys are way too morbid and grim.”

“Zombies?”

“The living dead, unholy abominations that were once slaves to the necromancers. Their flesh rots until they are simply skeletons waiting for orders and they crave living flesh. They don’t feel pain or remorse, truly they are the perfect soldiers with a bit of tweaking.”

“That’s horrible!”

I gave her a creepy smile, “No, what’s horrible is turning someone into a zombie while they’re still alive.”

Her pupils shrank, “I-is that even possible?”

“Oh yes, I became quite adept at it. Once they change it takes some effort but I completely crush their will turning them into mindless drones. All I have to do is kill them and reanimate them within the same second, tricky but doable. Then there are the werewolves, for the sake of clarity I’m not talking about Lycans. Transforming someone into a werewolf hurts physically. That kind of magic tears at your soul leaving you broken and tattered, but it is oh so worth it. I control their transformations and take over their minds, imagine it, having a greater power control your thoughts and actions. No more uncertainty, no more fear, just doing what I tell you to do.”

By this point I had gotten out of the bed and stood over a shaking Twilight. “You’re a monster.”

“And yet you trust me, otherwise you wouldn’t have said that to my face.”

Cue punch to my jaw. “Morning love, and how did you sleep?”

“Like and angry log, now are you ready to talk?”

“is the best way to kill someone to crush their head?”

“Good, now then, I’m sorry.”

…… Dafauq? “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You’re not getting another out of me!”

I walked over to the window and looked at the blue sky, “No, there aren’t flaming babies raining from the sky and the planet is not made of chocolate. So I’m not dreaming, and that means…. Oh hell ya!!!”

I proceeded to do a victory dance humiliating myself, doesn’t matter she apologized! “If you don’t stop dancing I will rip out your throat.”

“Worth it.” I continued dancing.

She grabbed my skull and glared at me, “Enough.”

I gulped, “Yes dear.”

She let go of my head and kissed me, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“You know, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages from you. One second you get ready to kill me then the next you kiss me.”

“What can I say, I’m a crazy bitch.”

Not sure if I should argue or agree… I’ll just keep my mouth shut, for now. I looked back out the window for a bit smiling at whatever walked by, mostly ponies but there were some griffins and diamond dogs walking by and there was even a cloaked zebra. I turned around when I heard Rulia purring, well more like a soothing growl. She was holding an infant dragon in her arms and smiling. Alright, there is something wrong here. Mood swings, odd appetite, overactive sex drive, and that look on her face while she’s cradling the dragon… oh fuck. I channeled some magic into my eyes and saw all the life in the room. There was Twilight, the baby dragon, Rulia, and a large glow coming from her stomach. Well, I’m gonna be a dad…

Spike's revelation

Ok, let’s stay calm. So I’m going to be a dad, that isn’t so bad. But Rulia is going to demand a wedding right away, I doubt she’s going to wait for all the human arrangements so it’s going to be a draconic wedding. What do I know about those? Let’s see they usually take place in a volcano where the mates dive into the lava and come out as a married couple, something about how our souls are like metal or something. Umm what else, I’m supposed to forge her a necklace. Stupid master forger dragons set the bar way too high. Umm, what else? Oh yeah! I’m a magic user so I have to fuse our souls together, a painless process but we’ll be able to read each other’s minds no matter how far away we were and we could feel the other’s emotions…. Oh god she’s going to kill me! Alright, I need to start on her necklace without her knowing, if I remember correctly there was a spa around here. Does she like spas? Crap, I really need to listen more often. Well, here goes nothing, “Hey Rulia.”

“Yes?”

“How’d you like to go to the spa today?”

“So you do listen, I would love that.”

Oh yeah, shot in the dark hits the heart! “Great, I’ll set everything up. Shall we depart my princess?”

she put the sleeping dragon on a chair and kissed me on the cheek, “I’ll be at the inn.”

As soon as she left my smile disappeared and I started running around the room, “oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no!!!!”

“What!?” Twilight had woken up and looked very concerned.

“Quick, where is the nearest spa and forge!?”

“Well the spa is in the middle of town while the forge is just outside of ponyville, why?”

“I couldn’t keep it in my pants!”

with that I ran off using my magic to replace the odd parchment dress and replace it with my robes before taking to the sky. I found the spa immediately and touched down right in front of the doors before bursting in scaring the blue pony at the counter, “I need to get an appointment for my fiancé today and I will pay any price!”

she was scared, that much was obvious, “Th-that will be fifty bits for the full treatment and we can get her in in twenty minutes.”

“Warning, she’s a creature like me.”

I put the bits on the table and teleported to the inn. I took a second to calm down and tame my hair before walking calmly in, “It’s all set up, they’ll be ready for you in twenty minutes.”

“Perfect, I can’t wait to relax.”

I hugged her before heading back to the door, “I need to take care of some things at the city hall, the mayor wants to make sure I’m not going to obliterate her town.”

She gave me a nod before she started rummaging through my packs. As soon as I got out of sight or the window I bolted straight into the air and saw the smoke coming from the forge a small ways away. I damn near matched the speed of a draconian as I blasted towards the large building and slammed the doors open. The old unicorn Blacksmith didn’t even flinch, “What can I do ya for?”

he took a slow look into my mad eyes and shaking body before I spoke, “I need to use your forge, now.”

“I don’t see any problem with that, as long as you’ve got the skill.”

As soon as the grave sounding words left his lips I was at the forge putting in some soul-gold. It was a gold that would never melt after it was forged, quite useful for what I was doing. I worked like a madman breaking two hammers before I just made a shadow one. My strength is nothing compared to the dragons but I’m stronger than most other things alive, and that’s necessary in order to forge anything that had to be this pure. I slammed my hammer on the large hunk of metal making the curve just a little more prominent and smooth before wiping the sweat from my forehead.

“You work like your life depends on it boy.”

I grunted a response as I went back to work, “It does.”

“And what exactly are you making?”

“A necklace, for a dragon.”

He nodded and watched me work for another hour before walking away. I don’t know how long I had worked for but the end result was amazing, it was huge! So big I had to teleport it out of the forge. It was almost pure gold, the exception being the ruby in the middle. The forge master walked out and gave a whistle, “That’s some mighty fine work, you ever think about becoming a blacksmith?”

“I was at one point, well an apprentice.”

“Why’d ya stop?”

“My brother and I had learned that we were skilled at magic, skilled to the point that the church wanted us trained. So I was taken away from the fires of my father’s forge and was placed in a dusty room with books that were thousands of years old.”

“Sounds like a dream come true.”

“It was, for my brother.”

“And what about you?”

“I hated it, I felt like I had let my father down. Sure I had great opportunities which I had taken advantage of but I always missed the smells and sounds of the forge.”

“Well if you ever want to finish that apprenticeship I’ll take you on in a heartbeat.”

“I might take you up on that when I retire.”

He nodded and we went back to looking at my masterpiece. “Crap.”

“What is it lad?”

“How am I going to tell Rulia she’s pregnant?”

“I’M WHAT!?”

I froze, if I don’t move, she won’t see me. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

her voice was calm but I knew there was hell to pay if I didn’t word this right, “Well, I learned only today and I figured you would want to relax while I worked on your necklace.”

She looked at me then the necklace, “You spent all day working on it?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re sure I’m pregnant?”

“If my magic works the way it should then yes.”

She walked up next to the necklace and tapped it a few times, “You made it yourself?”

“I did.”

“What’s it made out of?”

“The main structure is soul-gold while the ruby is the one that was once the heart of dragons.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Where did you get it?”

“it was a parting gift, from the mage’s college.”

“And you never told me?”

“I had forgotten about it, I had made a trip back to get it.”

“Where did you get the soul-gold?”

“There are tons of magic spheres around here; they don’t have a conduit so I used them. I can gild it if you want, blood steel would look nice.”

“It would, but what about crimson veltrite?”

“it would be better but I don’t have a way to get any, I could get some shadow sneaks to find some but it’s so rare that it might take years and I can’t mine for it without my brother having to come fight me.”

She nodded her head and thought for a minute before responding, “What about the transmutator?”

“It works in theory but it would take weeks before I could get the required neutral crystals.”

We were so involved in our conversation we didn’t notice the forge master leave and come back, “Is this what you two are squabbling about?”

in his hoof was a large chunk of pure crimson veltrite. “Where did you find that?”

“I have entire rooms full of the useless junk, can’t forge it for nothing.”

I looked at the beautiful metal then to the pony, “Because you used regular fire, this stuff isn’t called the blood of gods for nothing. To forge this, you need fire hotter than the sun.”

“Boy are you pulling my leg?”

“Watch.”

I picked up the metal and started gilding the necklace, my hands were burning off and being replaced the entire time. It hurt like hell but the end result was worth it, half of the necklace had red twisting and flowing designs that made it look much better. “Alright, just a bit more and it’ll be good.”

I looked back and saw a small hill of the stuff, “Habwuda mclurdenbwuata?”

“Stop spouting nonsense boy and take this stuff off my hooves!”

I looked at the kingdoms worth of metal in in front of me and smiled, “And just like that my shadow forge is going back into commission. I never asked your name, mine is Jacob.”

“Fine Forge at your service, how exactly where you able to shape this Celestia forsaken stuff?”

“Magic, very painful and powerful magic.”

“Think ya could teach me?”

“Not unless you can regenerate your body as it incinerates. The only reason I can use this kind of magic is because my power rivals the gods.”

“That’s a mighty bold claim.”

“Oh it’s no claim, I’ve fought gods and come out on top.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nope, the problem with gods is that they are too proud, they think they can’t be beaten. They forget that they too were once mortals.”

“Deep thoughts from one so young.”

“You get used to it.”

I sat back as Rulia looked over the necklace sometimes spitting out some fire to test it. “Now it ain’t my place to judge, but what are you?”

I chuckled, “You know, I don’t really know. At one point I was human, but becoming a mage warps you. You can turn into any animal or creature you can think of, and some that come from instinct. Rulia is a dragoness, but the same problem persists with her. With her magic she can change forms making it hard to tell. My favorite answer to that question is that I’m whatever I want to be, but sadly this is not the case.”

“And why would that be?”

“Dunno, just doesn’t feel right.”

“Hmm, if ya don’t mind me asking, how old are the two of you?”

“I’m twenty-two while Rulia is around three-hundred give or take a decade.”

His eyes widened slightly at that, “She a goddess or something?”

“No, dragon princess. Pretty sure I already went over this. I’ll probably live to be about four-hundred and she’ll live until she’s killed.”

“Do all humans live that long?”

“Nope, they average out at about sixty years.”

“Well sounds like magic is helping you along just fine.”

“Ya, if I turn into a dragon I’ll live just as long as she does so there’s a way to beat my own mortality if I want. If I do Hades is going to be furious, not like he can do anything about it though.”

“You just get crazier and crazier boy.”

“If I wasn’t crazy I would be dead, or boring, and that’s no fun.”

“You know that sounds familiar, you a fan of discord?”

“You mean the sealed up demon?”

“Wait, you ain’t a brony?”

“You are speaking words that have no meaning to me good sir.”

“Well I’ll be dammed, thought you were from earth.”

“I am, but from the way you’re talking it’s probably alternate dimensional earth.”

“Aw hell, looks like I got trolled.”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Trolled, punked, pranked, whatever you want to call it.”

“Interesting, are you sure you aren’t insane?”

“Forget about it, I just miss having fingers I guess.”

“No problem, I can turn you back in no time.”

“Really!?” I took a quick look into his mind and smiled adopting an older voice, “I can do it because I’m a wizard, and I run this game like blizzard.”

His jaw dropped, “You said you weren’t from my earth!”

“I’m not; I just took a quick peek into your head. And I have to say I never thought dimensions could look into each other like that without magic.”

He looked like he was about to have a seizure, “Can you bring other humans here!?!?”

“Yes, but I’m not going to.”

“But why not!?” he was starting to sound like a little kid.

“Because if I do then I’d have to watch over them and I just don’t have that kind of time.”

“Man that really sucks.”

“Your voice is changing.”

“Crap, ah well. I’m younger than I look, sixteen years old.”

“Magic, some crazy shit right there.”

Next part is written by my little brother James, he’s 7 so cut him some slack okay? Although he’s probably better than me TT_TT

I sighed as I looked at the sun, “This world truly is peaceful, other than all the giant bears that is.”

Forge smiled, “I forgot that you were the one to do that. Thanks for that by the way.”

“No problem, it woke me up.”

He gave a small laugh before Rulia sat next to us, “You did a good job, and no-drake will be able to say you didn’t put enough effort into it.”

I felt a bit of pride from her words, she was happy about this. All three of us sat there until the sun was almost gone.
“Well, I have an order to fill so I better get started.” Said a content Forge.

He got up and walked into his forge leaving me to shrink the necklace and put it on Rulia, “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.”

She put her head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around hers as we watched the sun set and fell asleep. When I woke up I was in a cage high up in the air with Rulia sleeping next to me. I felt a flare of anger nut it passed leaving me mildly irritated. Looking around we were about to land and my anger flared again as I saw a sign: Canterlot Zoo. I took a deep breath and decided to just wait instead of ripping the bars off. We landed softly a few minutes later and a teal earth pony with a whip on his rear and a white mane took a look into the cage, “One of them is awake, not sure if they are male or female due to their coverings."

A smaller blue pegasus with a silver mane and no mark looked up at me, “Are they dangerous?”

“Not sure, but we have a few guards on duty if they are.”

He opened the gate and attempted to walk towards Rulia, an attempt quickly stopped by me stepping in front of him and growling with my arms crossed and my glare set to three. He tried to step around me but no matter how he tried to get past me I would always be in front of him. “Guh! Fine take the protective one first!”

he backed out letting two guards walk into the cage with ropes which they proceeded to lasso me with. No matter how hard they pulled I didn’t budge and when their grunts started to wake Rulia up I put a finger to my lips and motioned at her. When they figured out they couldn’t move me physically they tried magically only to have their spells bounce off me, “What kind of animal is this!?”

I glared at the guard, “A sentient one. Whom you have made angry.”

Rulia groaned as she got up from the hay on the floor, “Torch them.”

“Gladly your highness.”

I set my hands on fire and forced them to stay put using their shadows. They were all too scared to even try to move though. I walked up to each one of them branding above their marks: Dunce until I got to the one who didn’t have a mark who was crying, “P-please don’t hurt me.”

I let the flames go out and let my hands gain a warm glow, “Don’t worry little one, you are innocent in this.”

I put my hand on her head causing her to flinch but the magic washed over her making her fireproof, irony suited her. “W-*sniffle* What did you do?”

I knelt down so I was no bigger than the other ponies and smiled, “You are now fireproof, now you can never be marked as these mules were.”

“We’re not mules!”

“SILENCE. I would be less inclined to set you all on fire if you would all shut your yaps.”

As expected, they shut up. I got up popping my back before helping Rulia up, “Where to my princess?”

she looked up to the castle, “Who lives in there?”

I scratched my chin, “If I remember correctly that would be the Celestial palace, two goddesses live there. One controls the moon and the other the Sun.”

it took a second but a small grin appeared on her mouth, “Oh let’s screw with them.”

I grinned at her, “and that is why I love you.”

I let my shadow cover us and we were transported to the throne room in the shadow of an end table. “Princesses, he is a monster. I hate to say it but I don’t think even you could beat him if he got serious.”

Said the white captain from the other day. There were two alicorns looking slightly surprised, one pure whit with a light rainbow mane that flowed in a nonexistent breeze and one that was midnight blue with a mane of stars. Rulia chuckled before whispering in my ear, “Alright, you know the plan.”

I stepped out of the shadow, “It seems you underestimate me captain, I wouldn’t even have to try.”

All three ponies jumped at my sudden appearance. “But before we go any further I have a question for the three of you.”

They gave a slow nod. “How do ponies pick things up without fingers?”

the blue alicorn spoke, “Easily answered, tis because…. Because…. Sister tell him.”

But the white one was simply looking at her hoof, “I, do not know.”

I really couldn’t believe it, “How in the world did you know about that Rulia?”

she giggled as she walked out of the shadow, “I didn’t.”

I turned to the three ponies, “I believe the saying is, you’ve been trolled.”

Alright, I’m back. I have to admit for a 7 year old he’s pretty mature in his writing. But enough about that, back to the story we go.

After a short while of them looking at their hooves and picking things up I cleared my throat, “Ahem, now for the reason I came here. I would like to register a complaint.”

The white one looked up, “And how can we help you?”

“Well whoever is in charge of your zoo needs to be fired.”

She looked at me with a warm smile, “And why would that be?”

“Well the short version is I woke up in a cage and was tied up. They’re lucky all I did was brand them.”

The blue one nearly screamed at me, “Thou branded our little ponies!?”

“Well not branded per say but I did make sure they would never mess with me again. They will forever have dunce written over their marks.”

They were about to say something but were cut off by a scream of pain, from me. I held my shoulder that now had an arrow through it and turned to see the same white limbed man, “We meet again demon.”

I pulled the arrow out with a sickening grunt before standing up, “That’s it, you are no longer exempt from my wrath.”

Black tendrils shot out from my shadow skewering the man. I walked over to him and used my blade to cut off his head, “This was getting boring anyway, shall we take our leave dear?”

she licked some blood off my face and nodded, “We still have a few months till the eggs are ready to come out so we can still relax for now.”

As we left there was a golden flash, when I opened my eyes the sun goddess was there, “Wait right there! What makes you think we will let you go free now that you are guilty of murder?”

“One, he was an assassin. Two, he was going to die soon enough already. Three, and possibly the most compelling point is that if you don’t get out of my way I will turn this city into a smoldering pile of ash.”

She seemed taken aback before giggling, “Yes, and I’ll grow a dragon’s head from my stomach.”

I was about to set her on fire but Rulia nearly crushed my hand and whispered in my ear, “Just make the city shake.”

I glared at the goddess and forced my magic into the ground all the way to the edge of the city making an earthquake, “I’m not joking alicorn, I grow tired of this game.”

With that I flashed Rulia and I out of the palace and back to ponyville just in time the get tackled by one miss Twilight Sparkle. “You know, I do have a fiancé. But she might not object to a little ‘experimenting’.”

Rulia smacked me on the back of the head, “Yes she would.”

I looked down to the red faced unicorn, “Sorry, no three way with us tonight.”

“N-no, that’s okay, Not that I wanted to in the first place!”

oh how do I love messing with ponies? Let me count the ways, “Well Rulia, maybe we should teach that little dragon about his mating rituals. It would be a shame if he didn’t at least learn the basics.”

“DON’T YOU DARE!!!”

her red face was now from anger rather than the embarrassment that was fueling it before. Rulia smirked as her eyes took their draconic form, “Oh but don’t you want him to be a dragon? Or would you prefer that he just grow up knowing he won’t be able to court a female? Knowing he’ll die alone at the end of a blade.”

Quick fact about dragons, the ones who can use magic, do.

“Well, no but-”

Rulia placed a finger over Twilight’s lips, “No buts. He needs to know, and you don’t have the knowledge.”

With that she picked me up and we headed to the library. As we got close I whispered to Rulia, “Are we really doing this?”

she smiled, “At first I was messing with her but now I’m getting hot thinking about having an audience.”

“We both going to be dragons?”

“But of course, that’s what we said we would do, teach the youngling.”

“What better way to teach than by example?”

“Precisely.”

After we picked up the dragon named Spike we took him to the field away from ponyville and looked at him, “Youngling, do you know what my mate here and I are going to be teaching you?”

he shook his head, “No, but Twilight says it has something to do with me growing up.”

Rulia scratched under the dragons jawline making him thrum in pleasure. “That is exactly right, all you have to do is watch.”

We got a fair distance away before I took off into the air giving Rulia room. After we had both transformed we went at it all night making sure the small dragon watched every part before we fell asleep.

_______________________________________________________

Spike sat there watching the sun come up, his entire life passed through his eyes showing him every compromising position he had ever been in, “Everything makes sense now…”

quick contest

alright it's only 3k words but i'm so sick you bat rastards are lucky to get that much lol u know i love you all

All through the night I was tormented, tormented by glowing yellow eyes and a laugh that crawls under your skin. The being was a god, I had felt these dreams before but the feelings that this one brought were new. Completely chaotic, every thought and emotion was splattered against the walls of my sanity more thoroughly than any other deity. But, it wasn’t malicious at all, it was scared. It clung to my mind like nothing else, cackling. Whatever this being was it had magic very similar to my own, eerily so. “Oh my friend, it has been far too long.”

Its voice was soothing and before I realized it I was responding, “Friends we may be, but I don’t remember.”

“I know, but we will be together again soon, and we will cause all kinds of chaos.”

“As it should be Discord.”

I woke up with a roar, still in my dragon form. “What is it!?”

Rulia jumped up and looked around but saw nothing. I on the other hand saw opportunity, opportunity to cause chaos, “It’s nothing, bad dream.”

She wrapped her neck around mine, “Want to tell me about it?”

“Not right now, but it involved a god.”

“Are they STILL trying to control you?”

“No, it was something different.”

“Like what?”

I stood on all fours and shook my head, “Discord, he was scared.”

“Discord?”

“He, it, it’s gone.”

I put a claw to my head and scratched it, bad idea. Black blood poured from the wound making me wince, “Holy crap these things are sharp, how do you scratch anything?”

“Fire, it has a soothing effect on dragons.”

“Speaking of which, Should we get Spike back to the library?”

“Might as well, it would give us an excuse to go back.”

She stretched like a cat would as her stomach growled, “That and I’m hungry.”

I levitated the tiny dragon onto my back and we started back to ponyville. Fun fact about dragons, only the males have spikes. This is because the males need to cause as much damage as possible in the shortest amount of time while the females were smaller and faster without spines. Though I suppose it didn’t matter, two dragons walking into ponyville would scare the town shitless no matter what they looked like. It was a ghost town, well except for the idiots who thought they could fight dragons by throwing flowers at it. I made sure I didn’t crush any ponies as I got to the library and knocked the door in with my claw making Twilight arrive faster than usual, “Meep.”

I levitated Spike from under one of my scales which he had instinctively crawled under, “He’s going to be a lot more sexually aggressive now so it would be a good idea to introduce him to females of his species.”

She just stood there shaking as Rulia stalked off into the forest. Spike had woken up and was poking Twilight who didn’t budge, “Twilight, you alive?”

“S-spike, who’s your friend?”

I growled at her, “Am I really that hard to remember?”

my dragon body began to dissolve as I stepped forward leaving my human body in its wake by the time I reached Twilight, “Magic, transformation class ten.”

Her ears perked up at the mention of magic, “Class ten? Would you mind explaining?”

I looked back towards the forest before shrugging, “Why not, I have some time to kill but could we do this inside? I don’t like the look of that mob.”

Twilight looked at the mob that had upgraded from flowers to torches and pitchforks, “Of course.”

When we were inside I leaned against the wall and put my hood up, “So you wish to know about the sins of magic? Well before we delve into hell and come back with boundless knowledge you must sign the contract.”

She backed a few steps away from me, “Sins, contract, hell?”

I sighed, “In order for me to give you my arcane knowledge I must ensure that you will use it responsibly. It’s a tradition dating back to before time and I intend to make sure it is followed.”

“What does the contract state?”

“It is a simple oath, you must pledge your soul to the pursuit of improving and learning all things arcane. My brother and I both took this oath and have fulfilled our sides of the contract. In return we were allowed access to the Arcanum library, the library that holds all magical knowledge from every place in every world. In order to fulfill your end of the contract you must make a spell that only you can do, a signature spell if you would like. My brother made a spell he calls holy retribution, it casts all evil from the mind and body for a short time or it destroys and entities of pure evil. My spell I do not wish to discuss, it is not my proudest work. I used it when fighting your brother, who proceeded to break it like it was a twig.”

I clenched my fists and growled. “Umm, it sounds very serious.”

“It is, but there have been several ponies from your world who have taken it up and currently live in the Arcanum library.”

“Like who?”

“Well my teacher went by the name Starswirl the bearded and my caretaker was named Clover the clever. Your goddesses visited every now and then as well as the one named Discord but I never saw them personally.”

“Discord!?!?”

I cringed at her volume, “Yes, he is quite intelligent from what I know. He actually has his own room filled with chaos magic, quite the achievement considering only those who spend thousands of years working nonstop could get a single book published.”

“Discord, is smart?”

“Of course, he’s one of the oldest beings alive. He went mad around three thousand years ago though. Poor guy had his heart broken by some bitch named Celestia.”

I saw her coat pale, “Celestia you say.”

“Yeah, I swear if I ever get my hands on that bitch. *sigh* What kind of monster do you have to be to drive a guy to insanity? Anyway we’re getting off topic, all you have to do is take a test before you sign a piece of paper. After that you have full access to my arcane knowledge, well excluding my spells that are still being tested.”

“Test?”

“Oh yeah, it’s just a little thing. I sense you for magical ability and if you have enough you’re in.”

“Oh, okay. How long would that take?”

“Already done, you have enough though just barely. Now all we need is you to sign.”

I pulled a scroll from my robes and handed it to Twilight who stared at it intensely, “Alright, this seems fair. But what is this tutor replacement clause?”

“If an Arcanum mage is no longer able to fulfill his duties then you will be called to step in and tutor his apprentice until they can be assigned a new teacher.”

“Umm, I already have a teacher. She lives in the palace, if that’s acceptable.”

“Well let’s see, what’s her name?”

I pulled out a communication crystal from my pocket and smiled. “Umm, promise you won’t get mad?”

“Of course.”

“Her name is princess Celestia.”

The crystal cracked in my hands, “Well, that was not expected.”

The crystal buzzed in my hand for a minute before I answered, “Jacob Indium here.”

A small portal showing my old teacher appeared in his hat, old white beard, and aged blue coat, “Ah Jacob, we received report you’ve been dimension hopping and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine master, taking a vacation actually. Was just about to get a unicorn signed up.”

“Oh so you took my advice? Wonderful so how is Equestria?”

“Well, it’s somewhat peaceful but I have a lot on my mind lately.”

“Is that so? Well don’t just stand there spit it out son.”

“I got Rulia pregnant, so I’ve had to be extra careful for the past few days.”

“Well congratulations my boy, when’s the wedding?”

“Probably right after we get back to our world, I’ll tell you when we get back. Oh and before I forget, Twilight Sparkle, allow me to introduce Master Starswirl the Bearded.”

I turned the crystal to Twilight who just gaped at the image. “Well you’re the new element of magic then?”

Twilight nodded. “Wonderful, Celestia talks about you constantly and I’m elated that you’ll finally begin training that is befitting one of your ability.”

“T-thank you sir.”

“You know, I knew your ancestor Velveteen Sparkle. Frisky mare that one, we had quite a few nights together.”

A small blush was growing on Twilight’s face, “Oh, well, thank you?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make things awkward it’s just you look exactly like her and she was so easy to talk to. Her special talent was making friends believe it or not, nopony could dislike her.”

“Is that right, well do you know any other of my ancestors?”

“Well you’re a direct descendant of my wife Clover but not by my loins.”

The blush covered the entirety of her face now, “Wow, I have a famous ancestor.”

“Well you have several dear but right now my work is starting to pile up, we’ll have to continue talking later but right now I must bid you goodbye.”

“Goodbye sir.”

The portal closed leaving Twilight nearly speechless, “Starswirl the bearded is alive?”

I nodded, “Alive and kicking, he’s one of the most respected teachers at the Arcanum. Now just sign at the bottom of the paper and we’ll get started.”

“Alright, just let me get a quill.”

I shook my head and smiled. She tried several times but the ink just kept disappearing off the paper causing her to become irritated, “What is wrong with this paper!?”

I chuckled and let a small flame dance on top of one of my fingers, “Here’s the hint: Magic is the main focus of this rune, both the parchment and the signer must be in tune.”

“What do runes have to do with this!?”

I sighed, “I really thought you were smarter than this, you must open your mind. Think as you wouldn’t normally do. I’ll be right back, I need to check something.”

I stepped out and activated the crystal in my hand, “Clover the clever.”

It pulsed a couple of times before a portal showing my caretaker showed, “Yes dear?”

“Hey Clover, can I ask a favor?”

“Of course, now what do ya need?”

“I need a couple names looked up.”

“No problem, who are they?”

“Pinkie Pie, Lyra Heartstrings, and Vinyl Scratch.”

“No problem, all from Equestria right?”

I nodded. “Ah, here they are. Lyra is an initiate while Vinyl is a first level mage. Oh wow, Pinkie is on the same level as you as far as raw magika goes. Her skills are mainly teleportation and stretchy spells but she’s got tons of energy. Why do you need this info?”

“Just keeping track of a few things, I have some suspicions but I don’t want to accuse anyone of anything just yet.”

“You always were a bit paranoid.”

“Didn’t hear you complaining when I saved your but from Nexus, who knows what he would have done to you.”

She shuddered, “Ya, thanks again for that.”

“No problem, you’re the closest thing to a real mom I ever had.”

“Aww, aren’t you sweet? Well if that’s all I’ll be seeing you.”

“Alright, bye mom.”

I put the crystal away and walked back into the library too see Twilight’s hair on fire, “This is the most frustrating thing I’ve ever done!!!”

“Not quite, you haven’t actually done it yet.”

Her still flaming head slowly turned towards me, “I’ll show you what I can do!!”

“Meep.”

I ran out of the building right towards the angry mob, “RUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!”

I jumped over them and flew away as fast as I could which still wasn’t fast enough to beat a teleportation, “Tell me how to sign it!”

I chuckled and let a dark mist swirl around me, “It would be in your best interest not to make demands of me Sparkle, lest your precious friends feel the sting of your wrath.”

She just snorted and rubbed her hoof on the ground, “Very well, behold my favorite summoning spell. He’s nasty, he’s evil, and all around cruel. He makes fire look tame and steam look cool. I summon you master Zouel!!”

a pillar of green flames erupted from the ground in front me then quickly dissipated leaving an old dwarf, “Well let’s see what you’ve gotten yourself into here sonny, ah a unicorn is it?”

“Yes sir, no mercy.”

The dwarf nodded and hobbled over to Twilight. He took a good look at her before raising his walking stick and hitting her on the head, “Where do you youngins’ get the idea in your heads that violence is the way to settle things!? Back in my day when we had a dispute we did it the civil way, we had a contest! You new generations have no respect for the old ways or each other, why I ought to put you over my knee and SMACK some sense into you! What with your fancy chancy newfangled spells and your high and mighty courts, you are going to do this the right way and that’s final!”

“B-but-”

“The only buts that are here are the ones that’ll get smacked raw if you don’t go over there and apologize!”

she cringed and slowly started walking over before Zouel smacked her flank, “Before I die youngin’!”

she trotted over and mumbled out an apology. “No problem, now before his wrath is turned on me how about we think of a contest?”

“Contest?”

“Of your choice though I recommend one where we make things.”

“Ok, what about making a magical conduit?”

I smiled, “Deal. You want to stay and watch Zouel?”

he shook his head, “Better get back before the grandkids destroy the house.”

“Alright, I’ll be sure to use dwarven metal.”

“You do that.”

In a burst of green flames he vanished. “So Twilight, how do you like my friends?”

“He was mean.”

“True, but he got the job done. So you want to do the contest tomorrow? It’ll give us enough time to get materials.”

She nodded and started walking away. “And don’t forget, I got out of telling you anything about my magic!”

I teleported back to my room and chuckled, “I think I’m getting rather good at this trolling thing.”

I pulled some pork out of my bag and sat on the bed eating while I thought about what I was going to make. Probably a simple dwarven staff, a few crystals to use as conduits and I’d be done. *groan* I just remembered why I don’t like using summoning spells, makes me tired. I yawned and closed my eyes, “Just five minutes.”

When I woke up I was being shaken by a disgruntled Rainbow Dash, “Even I’m not this hard to wake up!”

I groaned, “No mommy, I don’t want to study how an elf sings to nature.”

She slapped me, or punched, hard to tell with hooves, “Wake up already!”

“Gaah, fine!”

I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, “What do you want?”

“Twilight’s waiting for you in town square.”

“I slept till the next day, crap. Aww well, I was gonna wing it anyway. No pun intended.”

She looked back at her wings, “ha ha, very funny. Now come on.”

I put the covers on Rulia before following Rainbow to the town square where Twilight was already working on some monstrous devise. I sat on a bench next to her and yawned, “Alright, we have a time limit?”

“Three hours.”

“Alrighty then.”

I snapped my fingers making some raw materials appear, dwarven metal ingots, soul gems, diamonds, and most importantly: coffee. The wonderful bitter black liquid flowed down my throat waking me up instantly, “Time to crush a girl’s dreams into dust!!!”

my hand caught fire as I began molding the staff into a straight pole with a gyro design that would hold the conduit. After three hours I had made an excellent staff.

I picked the staff up and faced a smirking Twilight, “That looks nice but it will never have the kind of charge that my machine does.”

“Oh really? Well why don’t you go first?”

“With pleasure.”

A pony dummy was brought out and Twilight activated her machine, it took fifteen minutes to charge and only set the dummy on fire. “Not bad Sparkle but now let me show you what happens when you put soul into your work.”

Another dummy was brought out but I shook my head and had fourteen others brought out. I pointed my staff at them and with a couple of seconds of charging the staff a small blast of energy blasted out of the end and incinerated the small group of stuffed ponies in a mushroom cloud, “And that, is why I’m the dark overlord and you’re still a student.”

Her eye began twitching before she sighed, “How did you do that?”

I twirled my staff in my hands, “Soul gems.”

“What are soul gems?”

I wagged my finger, “Nuh uh, you lost. You have to sign the contract first.” “But it’s impossible!”

“No, it isn’t. I know for a fact that at least three ponies in this town have done it already, and one isn’t even a unicorn!”

Twilight closed her mouth and started thinking really hard. I smiled and leaned on my staff as the crowd began to leave, “Well miss Sparkle, if you can’t figure it out then you might not want to join.”

“But what about the Arcanum!?”

“It occurs to me that you might not be able to handle the secrets of space and time. Oh hello Doctor, the Daleks give you any trouble lately?”

The brown colt walking by smiled, “Not for at least a decade, things are going great!”

“The offer still stands to make her immortal.”

“It’s still up to her.”

“Well tell her I said hello won’t you?”

he nodded and walked away. I watched Twilight think for a while before I saw a mint colored unicorn, “Hey Lyra, there once was a man from Peru.”

She smiled, “Who dreamed he was eating his shoe.”

“He awoke with a fright.”

“In the middle of the night.”

“To find his dream had come true.”

She laughed while I just smiled and went back to watching Twilight, “Damn, I think I broke her.”

I poked her with the staff rousing her from her thoughts, “huh, what?”

“Okay, I thought I brokded ur breanz.”

Her eye twitched, “Is that a human saying?”

“No, just bad grammar.”

I chuckled as she sighed and walked away. “Jacob! Get your lazy sexy ass back here!”

I turned around to see Rulia running towards me. I raised an eyebrow as she grabbed me by the neck and sprinted back to our room, “How the hell did this happen?”

Stinking parties

Alrighty then, as many of you have no doubt noticed i need an editor. after i finish the chapter i'm often too tired to do it myself. not trying to be subtle here in case you haven't noticed... if you haven't then i have some bad news for you.

I woke up in my bed with fresh claw marks on my back, “Is it weird that I enjoyed that so much?”

Rulia put her head on my chest and smirked, “Which part, the part with my tail or my claws?”

“Umm, both.”

“No, how much you want to bet you won’t sit right for a week?”

“Nice try, but I still have my magic.”

“Do you ever get tired of relying on it for everything?”

I stroked her hair as I thought about her question, “I suppose I don’t really think about it. It’s just another part of me like an arm or a leg. If I ever did lose it I could live without it but I’d rather not think about it too much.”

I sat up and smelled one of my pits, “Oh yeah, fire.”

“Oh you know you liked it.”

“Of course, what guy doesn’t like being set on fire while getting some?”

“Exactly.”

I got out of bed and bent backwards making my back pop several times, “Alright, shower time.”

“I do not understand why humans use water to clean themselves, why not just burn the grime off?”

“Because human skin is sensitive, what a nice cleaning is for you is a death penalty for us. Well regular humans anyway.”

“weaklings.”

I nodded as I went into the bathroom and took off my necklace. The shower was short but relaxing, the water cleaned out my wounds before I healed them and felt soothing on my sore muscles. I scratched my chin and noticed my stubble was growing into a beard, good. I toweled off but as I was about to walk out my crystal started vibrating, “Jacob Indium here.”

The portal blinked into existence showing an angry Twilight, “I figured it out.”

I smiled, “Good, I see you got a communication crystal. Has your princess been told yet?”

“No, why?”

“Well unless she volunteers you’ll be assigned a teacher, if you do pray it isn’t Noxus.”

“Who’s Noxus?”

“Sexual deviant, he’ll try every trick in the book to get you into bed with him. Some not legal.”

She shuddered, “Alright, I’ll do that now.”

“Oh and before I forget you can ask me anything about my completed spells now, and you best call her with your crystal instead of a letter. Don’t ask, just trust me on this one.”

She nodded and cut off the magic. I went back into the room and got dressed, “You hungry?”

she nodded, “Do we have pickles and vanilla ice cream?”

I raised an eyebrow, “we do, wait why did I even pack those?”

I shrugged and retrieved the food from under one of my anvils, “Here ya go. I need to drop by the Arcanum for a little bit, you want any books to read?”

she nodded, “Can you get something on fire magic?”

I smiled and left her to eat her odd confection. I walked outside and opened a pitch black portal enticing some odd looks from the passing ponies. After I stepped through I looked at the world that was the Arcanum library, it was a literal paradise for magic users. Each building was ancient, built with magic in mind. They each had a symbol on the front telling what sorts of magic lay inside, rune magic, blood magic, ice magic, harmony magic, chaos magic, fire magic, summoning, conjuration, transformation and so much more. I walked into the building with a red banner and an orange emblem of fire. The insides were like any other library, books organized by content and author on neat shelves as far as the eye could see. “Hello dearie, can I help you?”

I looked to the old librarian; she was a flame atronach whose flames just barely rose off her body. “Yes, do you have any magic a dragon could learn rather quickly?”

she thought for a moment before snapping her fingers creating a small burst of fire, “Ah yes, Ignis infinium by Seras Jokial. Go down three rows then take a left, it should be under author but if it isn’t then check content.”

“Thank you ma’am.”

She smiled as I walked away, sure enough I found it under the authors name and walked back to the desk, “Alright, here’s my card and the checking fee.”

I dropped several silver coins on the desk along with a golden piece of metal. She picked the card up and put a mark on it, “You can check out two more books.”

I nodded and smiled. After I put the book in my bag I walked out and my crystal started buzzing, “Two in one day, looks like I’m popular. Jacob Indium here.”

The portal revealed a pissed off alicorn, “Why did you tell Twilight about the Arcanum!?!?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Two reasons, one I thought she’d be a good student. And two, my personal revenge against you. I’m not saying you had to accept him but you rejected him like a grade A bitch.”

“That was before your time!”

“You of all people should know time is irrelevant to mages. Especially me.”

“Not quite, you will grow old and die.”

“You haven’t heard? I’m working on a new field of magic, reincarnation. If I succeed then when I die I will just be resurrected in a younger body that I made.”

“But it won’t have your power.”

“On the contrary, it is a perfect copy of me and will absorb even more magic over time. When I die I will become even more powerful.”

“Your mad!”

“So was your father.”

She closed her mouth but her eyes were screaming bloody murder. I gave her a smile and cut off the communication, “Oh that’s going to bite me real hard in the ass.”

I walked through the streets until I got to the residential area and knocked on my old room. After a few seconds my old roommate opened the door, “DUDE! You guys need to get internet all up in this place.”

I smiled at the drug addicted man, “You know I have no idea what that is.”

“Dude, Jacob, you need to try this weed!”

I rolled my eyes, “I’m here for the book.”

He instantly got serious, “You sure? Once you take it there’s no way I’m taking it back.”

I nodded, “I need it, I’m getting married.”

“Right now?”

“No, but the sooner I do this the sooner it can be over.”

He walked into the house and came back with a dusty old book, “If you’re sure then here.”

I took the book and blew the dust off of it revealing an ancient tome called: Yellow pages. I walked off before sitting on a bench and opening the book, “Michael Indium.”

A rather large portal opened showing my father working his forge. His Braided white beard slightly dirty from the smoke and his eyes only regarded me for a moment before he pumped the bellows, “So, how are you son?”

I gulped and tried to smile, “Fine, I have some good new actually.”

“Destroy another country?”

“No, um, I’m getting married.”

He stopped in his tracks and gave me his full attention, “To that dragon princess?”

“Rulia, yes.”

“I see you’ve started growing your beard.”

“Yes sir, however I will be a dragon the first time we get married.”

“What kind of rotten magic is that?”

“Transformation, class ten. But after that we’ll have a human wedding.”

He stroked his beard, “Have you told your brother yet?”

“No, but I figured you would want to know first and he prefers it if I don’t call.”

“Well why is that?”

“He said it’ll ruin his image if he’s seen talking to me in public, he needs that position to keep the masses from starting an all-out war against me.”

He nodded before pumping the bellows a few more times, “Have you been keeping up with your forging?”

“Yes sir, I had to forge a necklace for Rulia actually. I used magic metals but the skills I used were from you.”

He nodded, “Well I can’t say I approve of how you’ve spent your life but, I can’t very well refuse to go to my son’s wedding.”

“Thank you father. And please remind me to give you the barbarians axe, I found it in some old ruins deep under dragon territory.”

“You found it?”

“Yes, our family will finally have it back.”

He nodded, “Son before you close this magic thing, I’m proud of you. You have an adventurous life.”

“Ha-ha, you know I’d rather be at the forge.”

He nodded and went back to work. I closed the portal before shakily standing up and walking through the park. It was a quaint place compared to the libraries but I liked them anyway, a good place to meet friends and relax. I wandered for a moment but stopped when a skeletal hand landed on the shoulder, “And where do you think you are going mortal?”

I smiled and turned around, “Just appreciating the scenery, not causing any trouble sir.”

Death stood over me his bony skull just barely covered by his ebony cloak. He removed his hand before chuckling, “Still can’t get a scare out of you can I?”

“Not until you come for my soul sir.”

It looked like he nodded but I wasn’t sure. “So you’re getting married I hear.”

“Did Mark already put in the paper?”

“Ha, no he just overdosed on some stuff.”

“Wow really? I saw him like five minutes ago.”

“Truth be told I gave him a few freebies, he was a nice kid but there was no way I could ignore it this time.”

“Understandable, so how’s your dad doing?”

“He’s been better, there are twenty something wars going on through the multiverse so we’ve both been swamped for the past few weeks.”

“Isn’t that new guy Mortality working out?”

“He is, extremely efficient that one. Even so the three of us have to round up ten to fifteen thousand souls by ourselves every day.”

“What about the shadow servants?”

“The last one died about a week ago.”

“Well why didn’t you say so? The next few groups got finished a month ago. Just go pick them up at you earliest convenience. You know I take what little work I have seriously.”

His hood moved up and down before he walked away. Let’s see, anyone else I need to see before I leave? I looked around before shrugging and opening a portal back to Ponyville. I stepped through and immediately my eyes were assaulted by the sun, “GAH! Gods dammed fireball!”

I rubbed my eyes for a moment before walking back to the inn, “I got a book, and pretty sure you haven’t read this one.”

I handed her the book and sat on the edge of the bed. “You look upset, what’s wrong?”

Rulia put her chin on my shoulder thrumming. “Nothing, just, nothing.”

“Now don’t lie to me.”

“I don’t know, something’s missing. Right above my stomach, an emptiness.”

Her forked tongue wriggled in my ear causing me to shudder. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

“I know, but I think I have something to cheer you up.”

She pulled a newspaper over and put the front page in front of my face, “Grand Galloping Gala, tonight. After last year’s gala ended in fiasco we are all waiting eagerly to see what fun and festivities are going to be present at this year’s gala. This event is bringing dignitaries from all around the world including the dragon queen Sephora.”

I smiled, “Dragon queen, high class party, oh and look here the elements of harmony are going to be attending. Rulia, you really know how to cheer me up. I think I’ll wear my formal robes, or maybe the armor I forged for our wedding. No that would ruin it, maybe just some ebony armor.”

“Why not something gold? You always wear black so why not change it up?”

I nodded, "I have all the materials and a few hours, do you want me to make you anything while I’m at it?”

“Maybe some earrings, I’m going to wear my new dress. The one I made from my old scales.”

“Better than any armor I’ll give you that.”

I stood up and cracked my back, “You want to come?”

“No thank you, I think I might go shopping.”

“Alright, here are all the bits I have on me.”

I tossed a couple bags of the golden coins onto the bed and headed out. The innkeeper cleared his throat as I walked past, “You’re going in and out an awful lot. Suspicious if you ask me.”

“I suppose you would know, even with your magic you can’t hide all the things in the wall.”

“Fair enough.”

I smirked and walked out the door reaching the forge soon enough. “What brings you back? I was just about to close shop.”

“Need to use the forge, I have a party to crash tonight.”

“This party wouldn’t happen to be the gala would it?”

“What can I say, I aim high.”

He nodded and walked out, “Lock up when you’re done alright?”

I just grunted in agreement as I took my robe off leaving a pair of pants. As I worked my mind fell back onto my spells, how they worked, how I could improve them, that sort of thing. After a couple of hours I had finished most of my armor and Rulia’s earrings, they were just a couple of the twisting dragons, they were long snake like dragons with whiskers on their faces. I stood for a moment debating whether I needed a helm. I’ll just go with a circlet with some rubies. I closed the door and locked up before lugging all my things back to the room, “I’m back.”

She was on the bed sniffing a rather large crystal, “It’s amazing, these things are filled to the brim with magic.”

It was just a blue crystal but she was right, with the right conditioning that thing could take out a castle. Hmm, or fill it with a nasty smell. “Hey, I have an idea. What do you say when we leave we leave with a bang?”

“I’m listening.”

Me: Alright lil’ bro, take it from here
James: I will shave your head in your sleep if you call me that again.
Me: Shutting up.

We slinked past the guards with relative ease, “I swear if I was an assassin everyone in this castle would be dead already.”

Rulia nodded as we climbed onto the top of the castle. We looked down through a skylight to see the princesses shaking hooves, “Look like they’ll be there for a while, I’ll set up the crystal real quick then join you. Ah there’s the dragon queen. She’s half the size of you!”

True enough the blue dragon was rather puny compared to the two of us. I sneaked through the castle placing the crystal in Celestia’s room. There was no way that smell would come out for months! When I finally got to the ballroom Rulia was trying to keep her cool while Sephora was insulting her, “HA! Dragon princess, you hardly look like you would be suitable for a snack!”

“Watch your mouth you overgrown iguana!” I walked through the crowd of ponies up to the dragon.

“And who are you? The Dragon prince?” She spoke in a tone that made me want to throttle her.

“I am; now if you don’t want to leave here missing a leg I suggest you apologize to my fiancé!”

she just snorted and ignored me. I could feel Rulia’s anger and it dwarfed mine, she was ready to rip the dragon’s throat out, “Jacob, as your mate I demand you make her pay.”

The pure animosity in her voice scared me, “Y-yes dear.”

I floated up behind the dark blue dragon and smacked her with enough force to send her forward a dozen feet, “You will pay for that you little flesh bag!”

“You insulted my mate; as such we demand a duel. Your mate against me.”

she seemed amused for a moment before roaring, “Very well, we shall see how you fare against Alduin.”

A few minutes passed before we heard flapping and a roar in the distance. “What is going on here!?”

the entire room turned to see Celestia stern faced and staring at me. It reminded me of when I broke Clover’s favorite vase, “The fat lizard here insulted Rulia, she told me to make her pay, so I am. Her mate and I are about to fight to the death for our mate’s honor.”

She just looked at me exasperated, “How did I know tonight was going to end like this?”

“Who says the night will be over?”

“Death tends to put a stop to festivities Jacob.”

“Normally yes, but I have a plan.”

I teleported outside and saw what I could honestly say was an embarrassment to the dragon race. His arms fused with his wings at some point and his body was thin to the point the bones were showing. His now grey scales were dull and rough. His mouth was missing a few teeth and his eyes, they were dead. He cleared his throat and spoke, “Introducing the king of dragons, Alduin.”

Behind the sickly dragon a golden monster hit the ground; he was a perfect specimen about the size of me in my dragon form. His scales shimmered in the moonlight as his blue eyes took me in, “I was summoned to fight an insect? What trickery is this?”

his voice was deep and commanding, every word carried weight of someone who knew all. He scared me. I looked back at Rulia who was smirking; she had way too much confidence in me. The only advantage physically I saw was that he lacked the trademark spikes of a male. I sighed and started growing until I was about ten feet tall before my body turned black and my skin turned to scales and my face grew into a snout. My back burned in pain as wings sprouted and a tail grew from the bottom of my spine. Before too long my stature equaled Alduin’s and my eye sockets were pure crimson, “An insect indeed, you’ll find I am full of surprises.”

My claws felt the earth underneath them leaving gashes in the dirt. We tensed waiting for each other to make the first move. When it became apparent I would have to I took a breath and spewed ebony flames from my may which stopped halfway to him by his own golden ones. This went on for a few minutes before I had to take a breath. I cut off my flames and stepped to the side making his flames fly by. A quick thrust of my wings and I was sailing towards him my mouth prepared to clamp onto his neck. He however had different plans his pristine claws swiped across my face leaving a sizable wound. It’s odd, this was the first time I’ve actually had a wound inflicted by a single opponent. It was, well I felt odd. A strange mix of respect and fury. From the spot I stood in front of him I growled, “You are the first to bleed me old one, well done.” I curled my claws and brought them up in a punch, an odd tactic for a dragon but effective nonetheless. He recoiled if only a bit before I used some magic to make the earth shoot up and impale him. He coughed some golden blood as I put my lips next to his hearing scales, “Looks like an ant can take down a dragon.”

He started to fall but I caught him and started spinning him around in circles till we were a blur of gold and ebony. I let go of him making him sail away towards the soft glow of volcanoes in the distance. I turned around and started back towards the castle, as I got closer my body began dissolving until I was at one of the window which I just passed through as my human self. The wound had transferred over leaving three nasty gashes on my face. All night not a word was spoken of what happened, eventually ponies went back to the party and several things all happened at once. Rainbow in an attempt to do a trick hit a column which slammed down next to Twilight who was concentrating on a spell making it misfire hitting Rarity who had turned into a literal mule in her dramatic outburst she hit Pinkie making the canon she was showing off hitting Fluttershy making her jump onto a table making the punch fly off and land on Luna’s head who screamed so loud it scared Applejack causing her cart to hit another column making the rest fall and the entire room fall apart over us. Incredibly nobody was hurt other than their pride. I just sat there wide eyed as Rulia was laughing so hard she was crying, “I didn’t think it would end up like that!”

I shook my head and cursed, “Stupid ponies trying to show me up. Ah well guess I lose this time.”

I helped Rulia up and teleported us back to our room. The crystal sensing my exit started on turning the air within a five mile radius into methane, not enough to kill but more than enough to stink up the place. As we lay on the bed naked and exhausted I started laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, I’m just wondering how hard all of this is going to bite me in the ass.”

“Hahaha, good thing to wonder.”

With that we fell asleep my dreams filled with pain originating from my face and hers of ripping Sephora’s innards out.

Spiked seed

yo, first up let me thank Neon Slate for editing this. i've put a few subtle references in here, can you name all four?

Waking up in a prison wasn’t my ideal way to start the day, but here I am. It was a dark little cell obviously made with discomfort in mind. I had to bend over just to stand up and come to think of it a pony would barely be able to fit in here. I popped the door off and looked around the stone room. Grey, actually a nice change of pace. I looked in the other cells and saw other humans. “Help us, he’ll be back soon.”

I turned to see a small woman near death with her body basically one big scar. “Oh, the new one is awake. Welcome to my holding room creature.”

I turned around to see a pale blue unicorn with a crimson mane and purple eyes.

“Yes well, I suppose I’ll be leaving with these people then.”

“Oh how quaint, you think you can fight against magic. I suppose you don’t know humans have no resistance to magic.”

I lit a fireball in my hand and smirked, “You sure about that numb-nuts?”

“But, that’s impossible!”

I let the flame go out before ripping the doors off their hinges one by one, “Impossible or not, we’re leaving.”

A blast of weak magic hit the back of my head accompanied with a yell, “You aren’t taking my experiments anywhere!”

I turned around standing to my full height and made him grab his own throat, “You know what, screw Celestia I’m killing you.”

A small burst of magic was all it took to make his head explode. I freed the other humans and helped carry the ones who couldn’t walk. The room we were in led out to an entire building of these psychos all screaming something about evolution or something. We left the building to see a mountain range, “Alright, give me a few minutes.”

I went inside and checked for any life, four more rooms full of humans. Well live ones anyway. When they all were together there were about four dozen. I teleported us in front of the princesses in their throne room, “You and I have a problem princess.”

I exerted as much pressure as I could without crushing the humans as I glared at the two alicorns, “These people were being experimented on by an entire organization of ponies. You know as well as I do that’s grounds for war.”

Celestia remained calm as she looked at the near dead humans, “Very well, what are your demands?”

“Take care of them; send them home if they want, I just want to enjoy my vacation.”
She almost showed emotion at my request, “That is, rather generous of you.”

“Meh, now if you don’t mind I’m going to try to explain to Rulia why I wasn’t in bed this morning.”

“Very well, best of luck.”
I sighed as I scratched my stubble, “Gonna need a lot more than luck to calm a pregnant dragon.”

A snap of my fingers and I was in my room. “And where exactly were you?”

I turned around and saw Rulia with her body literally radiating heat. “Got kidnapped in my sleep, woke up in a prison, broke out and freed the other prisoners who were humans, dumped them on Celestia, came back here, and I’m just about to eat.”

I rummaged through my bags till I pulled out a live goat and roasted it alive, “You want some?”

She shook her head and sat next to me, “I missed you.”

“Well I’m back, and we have all day to do whatever you want.”

That was surprisingly easy. I took a hunk off of a leg as we sat there together. Eventually a knock at the door made me get
up and answer with the bone still in my hand, hoof and all, “Yes?”

I opened the door to see the innkeeper standing there, “I smelled some smok-”

He looked at the bone in my hand for only a moment before backing away and running down the hall. “Alright, have a nice day I suppose.”

I closed the door and sat back on the bed. “What was that all about?”

“No clue, so anything you want to do today?”

“Not really, I think I’ll take a nap.”

We laid there for hours until a thought crossed my mind, “You know what I don’t get, if I went to sleep naked how did I wake up fully clothed?”

She started giggling for a moment before she went full out laughing, “Bwahahahaha, is that really the thing you take from that!? Not how did they get you away from me or how they got all the other humans, but that!? Bwahahahahaha *snort*!!!”

I grinned at her as she laughed, “Ya, I suppose it is kind of silly.”

We stayed there until she finally fell asleep letting me put a pillow under her head and leave a note as I left. I wandered no particular destination in mind. I passed the park and found myself on the path to Sweet Apple Acres. Row after row of apple trees were lined up neatly but my sightseeing was cut short as I was hit in the gut, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS AMBUSHERS!!!”

“GAAAHH!!”

Three imp-lings jumped onto me biting and punching. Just as I set myself on fire to get them off they jumped off and started, giggling? I spun around to see three mares, “What the actual fuck?”

I stared at them for a moment before they ran off. I shook my head before dowsing myself and looking at the trees that littered the landscape. I plucked a ripe looking apple and bit into it, big mistake. It was nasty; it was like my very being was rejecting it. I spat it out and even set the inside of my mouth on fire to clean out the taste. “What are you doin’ to mah apples!?”

I spat before addressing Applejack, “I’ve had better apples from the trash! God, is this what passes for fruit in this world?”

“Don’t go insultin’ my apples unless you want a buck upside your head!”

“How would that even work, you’re like two and a half feet shorter than me!”

“Don’t think your fancy magic is any better than a lifetime of hard work.”

I took a deep breath and looked at her, “How old are you?”

“Twenty, why do ya ask?”

“Twenty years of work for you, twenty six for me. Granted only seventeen were spent on magic but the nine before were
spent working a forge with my father. Based on your society I would assume you wouldn’t have started actually working before eight. To sum up I win.”

“You wanna bet on it?”

I just raised an eyebrow, “Applejack, I incinerated your entire farm without even trying.”

I watched the debate going on in her head for a moment before snapping my fingers, “Of course, it’s because I’m part dragon now!”

“Pardon?”

“Well as dragons mature their stomachs change to be able to eat just about anything however when they are new born they can only eat meat. I got some dragon blood in me one night with Rulia and since our magic is so similar the blood fused with mine making me part dragon. It won’t really affect me other than my diet and maybe some enhanced abilities though.”

“Part dragon, like Spike is?”

“No, Spike is a pure blooded dragon. If I didn’t have magic the blood probably would have killed me. Spike being a pure blood wouldn’t be affected. Speaking of him, his scent is all over, he’s been mating all over this place. By the smell I would say with the same creature over and over.”

The scent of his seed was nearly as strong as the apples, ironically draconic seed smells like pears. “Man the first mating season is always the worst, building up sperm for years.”

“How do you know so much about dragons anyway?”

“I’m marrying one, and I have several dozen books on them all written by dragons and their peers.”

“She doesn’t look like a dragon.”

“It’s a disguise; I don’t think the locals would take a shine to an adolescent dragon waltzing into town.”

“Adolescent? You mean she’s just a filly!?”

“That depends on how you look at it, she’s over three hundred years old. But by dragon standards she’s just entering her awkward phase and I’ll probably be dead before she leaves it.”

“Well that’s mighty sad and all but what were you saying about Spike sleeping around here?”

I took a breath through my nose and nodded, “Definitely only one mate, every day for about a week now. I swear I know this scent. Resembles you but it’s younger. Barely old enough to get pregnant.”

“Ponies and dragons can’t have kids, right?”

“Well that’s up for speculation. It depends on the breed of dragon and the potency of the seed. First mating seasons have a very high chance of resulting in pregnancies. Based on the smell the female is already pregnant.”

“Oh no, Applebloom.”

“If I saw her in person then I could tell you for certain.”

“Well let’s find her!”

She galloped off with me trailing closely. We searched for hours before coming across a tree house with odd noises coming from it. As soon as we got close I pinched my nose, “Oh gods! Four of them going at it right now. Man that little guy can pack a harem away quick.”

“We have to stop him!”

I grabbed her tail as she started sprinting forward, “Whoa now, try to take a mate of his and you’ll get an angry dragon trying to maul you.”

“But, mah sister!”

“Not a lot you can do at this point, hell he’d give a full grown dragon a run for his money.”

“We have to do SOMETHING!”

“Look, the best we can do is speed it up. A little magic and he’ll blow his load and pass out. That’s the best I can do.”

“But, but, what if mah sister gets pregnant!?”

“Well, in theory I could remove the child but I won’t. I won’t be responsible for killing a child before it’s born. Even then unless it’s a deity and has unfathomable knowledge I wait until it’s at least eighteen.”

“Mah, sister! I’m gonna gut the little varmint!”

“I don’t think that’ll be an option either, by now his scales have hardened beyond that of diamonds and you would need something sharper than farm tools to cut his underbelly. Just put him in solitary confinement for a couple weeks, his mating season will end and he’ll be back to the chubby little dragon he was before. Well personality wise anyway, he’s going to start growing rapidly for the next few months till he’s about a hundred feet tall. By then his mind will have connected with another dragon’s and he’ll leave. After a couple decades he will have gained enough control over himself to come back and be a part of society.”

“That’s mighty interesting and all but what about mah sister!?”

“She’ll give birth to a hybrid; I saw a few dragon pony hybrids in Canterlot so it’s more common than one would think. Twilight would know more though. Now let’s wrap the little guy up.”

I snapped my fingers making a loud moan come from the clubhouse and teleported the two of us inside. There lie four unconscious bodies, one dragon, one unicorn, one pegasus, and one earth pony. The ponies were covered in seed and Spike was sleeping with a smug grin on his face. I channeled some magic into my eyes and sighed, “All three of ‘em are pregnant. Holy crap Spike you just keep digging your grave deeper and deeper.”

Applejack’s face was as red as the apples on the trees as she walked towards who I presume is her sister, “I’ll give this to him, he lasts longer than any stallion I’ve ever met.”

Another snap of my fingers and they were all cleaned up, “Alright, you get your sister home and I’ll deal with the rest of them.”

As Applejack left I tied Spike up in some shadow rope and picked the two fillies up in one arm. I teleported the three of us to the library, “Twilight, we need to talk.”

She looked up from the Arcanum training manual, “What is it?”

“Spike is in season, lock him up for a couple weeks unless you want half the mares in town to get pregnant. He’s already gotten three girls knocked up.”

“What!? Spike how could you!?”

“One, he’s sleeping. And two he’s not in his right mind. Instinct has taken over, just put him in a dark room with some food and water for a couple weeks and he’ll be fine. I would recommend getting a book on dragon maturity from the library, Ysram is very descriptive and he spent several centuries studying the different types of dragons mature.”

“Uuuhhh, thank you?”

“No problem, now where do these two live?”

“Well Sweetie bell lives just down the street in the carousel boutique and Scootaloo lives next to the schoolhouse with her sister. Why?”

“I have to tell their families that they’re pregnant.”

“What!?”

“I swear that is you ponies favorite word. But yes, these two and Applejack’s little sister are pregnant. If I hear that anyone tried to get rid of the children I will personally rip their intestines out. Now I’m off to have several awkward conversations, partially because it’s my fault.”

I teleported down the street and saw a sign of the store, I walked in hearing a bell and a voice, “Be right there!”

I waited for a minute before Rarity walked in, “Hello dear my name is-”

“Rarity, fashionista, element of harmony specifically generosity, unicorn, rather refined disposition but is prone to dramatic outbursts. I’m here to drop off your sister, talk to Twilight about her pregnancy.”

“What? I’m sorry I must have misheard you, I thought you said Sweetie was pregnant.”

“I did, so are Applebloom and Scootaloo. Ask Twilight I have to drop this one off.”

I walked out of the store and jumped over the town to the schoolhouse and saw several foals playing, smaller than the three who were with Spike by about half. I looked around and saw an adult pony, “Excuse me but do you know where this girl lives?”

“Oh what happened to poor Scootaloo?”

“Had sex one too many times, passed out.”

“Scootaloo wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Saw it happen, now I need to get her home.”

“Well she lives just down this street, the second blue house on the left.”

I thanked her and strolled down the street to Scootaloo’s home. I knocked three times and waited for an answer. After a moment Rainbow Dash opened the door, “Ya? What happened to Scoots!?”

“Relax, she just passed out. Oh and she’s pregnant, talk to Twilight about it I don’t have the time.”

“And what are you doing that’s so important you can’t explain how my sister got pregnant!?”

“Oh, did your parents not have ‘the talk’ with you?”

“I know how she got pregnant but who did it!?”

“Well there was Scootaloo, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Spike.”

“What!?”

“Seriously, ponies use that word way too much! But anyway Twilight will fill you in.”

“Wha, buh, zwat!?”

I walked away from her leaving Scootaloo mumbling about anal something or other. I wandered around town until I heard a new noise coming from a building called DJ Pon-3’s. I walked in and my ears were hit by a new sound.

It's alright
You're ready for the night
Of your life
Stars will shine so bright
They say
We're dancing the stress away
This beat
Is underneath your feet
Right now
Together we will meet
This place
Will blow your mind away
Welcome to the club now
Gonna pump it up now
This is an emergency
Music is my galaxy
Welcome to the club now
Everybody up now
We've gotta going on
Till the break of dawn
Welcome to the club now
Gonna pump it up now
This is an emergency
Music is my galaxy
Welcome to the club now
Everybody up now
We've gotta going on
Till the break of dawn
So put the record on
So put the record on
So put the record on
To the club now
To the club now
Right now we're standing here in line
Open up the door Mr. Frankenstein
Cause we're here to dance the night away, hey hey
Welcome to the club now
Gonna pump it up now
This is an emergency
Music is my galaxy
Welcome to the club now
Everybody up now
We've got it goin on
Till the break of dawn
Welcome to the club now
Gonna pump it up now
This is an emergency
Music is my galaxy
Welcome to the club now
Everybody up now
We've got it goin on
Till the break of dawn
So put the record on
So put the record on
To the club now
To the club now
.................
..................
.................
.................
.................
To the club now
Jump
To the club now
Welcome to the club now
Gonna pump it up now
This is an emergency
Music is my galaxy
Welcome to the club now
Everybody up now
We've got it goin on
Till the break of dawn
So put the record on

I just sat in a chair soaking in the new form of music, “That was, interesting.”

I sat there for a moment before walking over to the bar and ordering the strongest stuff they had. Just as I was about to drink it four mares burst in. Applejack, Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow all walked right up to me and all at once they talked, “Boy you got some splainin’ to do!”

Species switched

First of all another thank you to Neon Slate who edited this for me, if you don't like it please tell me why. it won't change the story but i enjoy seeing people complain about something they have no control over. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I twisted my neck making it crack several times as the four mares surrounded me, “Alright, what do you want me to explain?”

I took a swig of my drink as Applejack snorted, “We want you to explain just why you did that to Spike!”

I shrugged, “Because I could, no real reason other than that.”

“Ya did it just to be mean!?”

“No, I did it because I could, because why not?”

“It got our little sisters pregnant!”

“Okay, your point?”

“They aren’t ready for something like that you varmint!”

“Well, nothing we can do about it now. Now they’ll need some minerals such as zinc and iron brought into their diets or the child will absorb too much from the mother. Dragon scales are very hard because of the mother’s usual diet of meat, which is rich in those minerals. Pretty sure you won’t be feeding them bacon. And I fully expect the mothers to raise the child while Spike is away, I’ll set up his training with the queen tomorrow.”

Twilight cleared her throat, “And why do you think I’ll let you take Spike away?”

“Because if you don’t there will be an unstoppable horny dragon on the loose. Until he learns to control himself he will be a danger to anyone around him. And before I forget what odd form of music plays here?”

“Techno?”

“Ah, so this is what Mark was always so fanatical about. Can’t say I care for it.”

Rainbow sighed and ordered a drink, “You’re paying.”

“Of course, least I can do under the circumstances.”

I guzzled my drink and took a deep breath, “You know, I’ve forgotten what it feels to be helpless.”

“Oh I’m sure you must have felt it at one point.”

“I have, but I’ve forgotten. What has it been, nearly twenty years? I’ve always been bigger and stronger than the other kids so up till then they had to gang up on me, that was until I started working at the forge and gotten a sword.”

“Did, you kill them?”

“Huh? I was six, didn’t have a bad bone in my body. Most people aren’t born bad, they either learn it from their peers or they
just have to become cruel to survive.”

“When did you become evil then?”

“Oh wow, seems like forever ago now. I think it was on my fifteenth birthday I blew up that country.”

“Fifteen!?”

“Ya, probably didn’t help that I was drunk.”

Twilight who was getting buzzed piped up, “How old is the legal drinking age where you’re from?”

“Nineteen.”

“So you were drinking illegally?”

“Yes but nobody really cares as long you buy it with your own coin, a three year old could buy it as long as he earned the gold himself.”

“That’s rather irresponsible.”

“Meh, I call it population control. If humans didn’t kill each other and themselves then there would be way too many to be able to live on the planet. Then again with that many people we would be at each other’s throats and a good chunk would die from starvation alone.”

“You talk about death like it’s nothing.”

“Well it isn’t, people die and there is nothing you can do about it, before I came here I slaughtered half of an army. The holy army is made up of the biggest most fearless horrible men and women. All worthless pups in my presence. Back to my original point, I have forgotten the feeling of helplessness.”

“You, you don’t seem satisfied though.”

“What if you had nothing more to learn? What if you had mastered all magic and couldn’t do anything else besides wait to die? I make no such claims for myself but I was never very interested in the arcane arts.”

“Wow, that’s really, like really deep.”

“Not a lot to do besides think in solitary confinement.”

We all sat there for a few hours just drinking and listening to the music. I made sure not to get really drunk but the others were plastered by the time we left. I levitated them out and teleported them to their homes before looking up at the now dark sky. I walked back to the inn with a small stumble in my step. When I opened the door I saw a strange sight, Rulia making out with her sister. “How drunk am I to see this?”

“Hello sweetie, I thought we could have a little fun with my sister.”

“…… Not sure if this is a trap, but what the hell.”

...
...
...

“Guh, I am so glad I have magic.”

I sat up groggy and looked at the two women in my bed, if I’m not careful not even magic will keep me up long enough to satisfy Rulia. The next morning I woke up to see Rulia on my left and her sister on my right. I slipped out of the bed and left a note telling Rulia that I would be wandering around town. When I got outside the sun was high in the sky and ponies went about their business. I took a seat in the park and closed my eyes as I listened to families play and enjoy picnics. I took a deep breath as I sensed something flying towards me, I turned intangible and the object went right through my head, “That wasn’t very nice you know.”

I turned my head and opened an eye to see two mares, one silver-grey with a spoon on her flank and one pinkish one with a tiara. The pink one was the one to speak up, “So what? What’s a freak like you going to do about it?”

I was not in the mood to deal with these brats. I sighed and stood up wiping my face/head clean and growing several feet as my robes turned into a suit. I turned around as my arms grew and ended in claws. The mares looked stupefied and when they both blinked at the same time I teleported closer, their vision started going fuzzy as they realized they couldn’t bully me and ran. In a small flash I returned to my original self and smirked, “Let that be a warning, the freaks are unstable!”

I teleported back onto the bench and smiled, that felt good. An hour passed before I was bothered again, “Jacob, I need to talk to you.”

I opened my eye and saw Clover standing there, “Sure, what’cha need?”

The forest green unicorn jumped up onto the bench and sighed, “Well your brother needs to talk to you.”

“Then why didn’t he just call me?”

“His crystal got destroyed while he was trying a new spell.”

“Is that so, which one was it?”

“Yours.”

I stiffened before sighing, “Alright, I’ll go talk to him. But you have to tell Rulia and her sister.”

“Her sister?”

“Well, uuuhhh, you see she and her sister were feeling a little frisky and-”

“Stop, that’s all I need to know. Just go talk to your brother.”

I nodded and stood up, “Alright, nice seeing you mom.”

“Stop it; you know that makes me feel old.”

“I know, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

“Yes I know.”
She popped through a portal leaving me alone to think. I sighed and stood up to visit my brother. I opened a portal and hid my magical presence; it was mentally exhausting to make my soul look like a mouse’s but it had to be done. I stepped through the portal into my brother’s office startling him, “Oh gods, you scared me.”

“You were trying to replicate my spell.”

“I know, I’m sorry but the people are starting to lose confidence in me. I had to show them I could go toe to toe with you.
What better way than to replicate your spell?”

“You know I could have you executed for that.”

“I know, do it if you feel you must. But for now I have paperwork.”

“I understand, and brother.”

“Hmm?”

“Rulia and I are getting married when my vacation is over.”

“Alright, I’ll keep my schedule loose.”

“Thanks, see you later.”

I opened a portal and left leaving the restrictions to my soul behind. I plopped down on the bench and sighed again,
“Only a little while till my vacation is over and I’m getting married. Then I’m gonna be a dad. I’m gonna be a dad… I am so screwed. I don’t know anything about being a dad! What if they get hurt? Or what if they hate me!? Guh, and they’re mostly dragon what if they try to eat me? And they are more than likely going to have magic, oh gods if they’re stronger than me I don’t think I’ll last long. Will they eat meat or drink milk? Will they be able to turn back and forth between dragon and human or are they going to be a hybrid? If they were conceived while I was a dragon they would be pure blooded but that chance was slim. Are they going to be eggs or babies? What if they try to kill each-other? Oh gods we’re going to have to watch them 24/7. Are they going to be boys or girls? Are they going to be a mix or all one gender? Why am I asking all these questions out loud?”

There was a small crowd gathering around me just looking a bit sympathetic. I slinked away with a small amount of shame. When I stopped again I was in front of the schoolhouse. There were children laughing and playing on the playground as I passed. I shook my head and flew upwards looking off into the distance, “Crap, I have no clue where to find that dragon lady.”

I flew off in the direction of the volcano figuring that would be the best place to start.
I touched down right in front of a castle made of gems and shielded my eyes, way too shiny for my tastes. I opened the massive doors with a grunt and some magic and walked right up to a surprised Sephora, “What do you want insect?”

“I’m here to ask a favor.”

“And why would I do you any favors?”

“Not for me, for a young dragon. He’s entering maturity without anyone to show him the way.”

“And why don’t you do it?”

“My time in this world is nearly over.”

“Very well, we can take him at the end of the week.”

“Thank you.”

“Before you leave, what exactly are you?”

I gave her a knowing smile, “I am 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember my name. WHO I am however, is a different matter entirely.”

With that, I teleported back to Ponyville wearing an insane grin. I have no clue where that came from, maybe I picked up from Fine Forge. Speaking of which there he is having tea with, Twilight? I literally slid into the table’s shadow and listened in, “So you’re saying that you came here because of Discord?”

“Yes but when I got here you and the other elements had already dealt with him cutting off my way home or at least making my body permanently look this old.”

I popped up from under the table with a creepy grin, “Oh you should know that nothing is permanent!”

I snapped my fingers enveloping Forge in a blue light that made a ticking noise and pulled out an ocarina.

The tune set in and his body shrunk a bit as it became younger. His scars were visible but he looked no older then Twilight. “Well there ya go, just remember nothing is ever set in stone.”

I leaped over the tea house leaving the two unicorns alone together and quite befuddled. I landed on the other side laughing and walked away, the rest of the day was spent with Rulia who had come to join me. We sat in the park talking and had dinner together. After that we ****ed each other’s ***** **** *** ******* *** !@$#!@% and it went up **3!@ **2#@$ @#$@#. Then I slowly @$%423% 2#$%@$^%@ 2$%@%$@$% (insert appropriate inappropriate noises and words here).
I woke up with a pleasant soreness in my muscles and Rulia next to me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and lazily looked up at my sister. Wait, my sister? “Good morning Oniichan.”

“Zelda, if I recall correctly you are supposed to be in prison.”

“If you can take a vacation why can’t I?”

“Well first of all, I went on vacation because I went eleven years with little contact, at least in the holy prisons you get visitors and can requests to see people. Two, I took a vacation here because I have the power to rip through dimensions which leads me to my question. How exactly did you get here?”

“Sister sent me, she said something about a prophecy.”

“Guh, prophecies are a bunch of weakly seen visions that more often than not just fade away without ever coming true.”

“What about hero prophecies?”

“Yes those generally do come true but never in the way you think. Not to mention there hasn’t been a hero prophecy since Albion existed.”

“Yes but whatever happened to the heroes?”

“Guh fine, the four heroes all had descendants who were desirable in every fashion so the bloodline expanded to the point nobody could keep track of it, the majority of our lands are made up of the descendants of heroes.”

“Even us?”

“Yes, even us. Now you might want to leave before Rulia wakes up, she didn’t exactly appreciate you smashing hundreds of her race’s eggs.”

“Alright, see you later Oniichan.”

Weird girl, hard to believe she was twelve. I closed my eyes and went back to dreaming.

A dark hooded figure stepped through the cloud of smoke and dust. He paused a moment, a grin forming under the shade of his hood as he chided "Catch you fuckers at a bad time?"

Confused and enraged, the demons forgot their victims and rushed at the man as he produced a long tribal axe. Every clawed hand, every fanged jaw, every spiked tail that came his way suddenly dissolved into several chunks of dismembered flesh. Killing was no longer an act but a state of being.
The hooded one became killing; duck here, slash there, chop this, sever that, neuter him, disembowel him. It all became a complex, yet simple dance of death. In less than three minutes, every demon was dead or begging to be. I looked up at my
brother and gave a weak smile, “Bout time, now get this dammed collar off me.”
He knelt down and unlocked it before helping me up, “You were an idiot.”
Even from under his hood I could see his disappointment. “I know I know, that was a stupid idea.”

A few moments of walking passed before he spoke again, “Do you have any idea how lucky you were that I managed to get here as soon as I did?”

“Only too well, did you know these demons are partial to probing? I was next on the list.”

He almost chuckled by we just kept on walking through the carnage of the demons. When we got out of the cave and I saw sunlight for the first time in months I passed out.

I woke up in a cold sweat gasping for air with Rulia shaking me, “What’s wrong!?”

I blinked slowly before responding, “Bad memories.”

“Care to tell me about it?”

“You already know, it was called the unholy massacre.”

“That was you!?”

“No, it was Draven. It was one of the few times he ever got mad.”

“That and when you two killed mother.”

“Actually no, he was as calm as ever. I was the one who was pissed.”

“I never asked why you were so angry.”

“She crushed my favorite bar.”

“Are you serious?”

“Well that and all the murders but those were all secondary to my booze.”

“I’m not sure whether to laugh or smack you.”

“Well if you slap me don’t hold back, I still feel a bit guilty about pissing in your mom’s skull.”

She decided to slap me. “Were the claws necessary?”

“Yes.”

“Fair enough. What time is it?”

“Noon.”

“Care to cause a bit of chaos?”

“Anything in particular in mind?”

“Transformation.”

“I’m listening.”

“So we get all the ponies in the middle of town and distract them for a few minutes while I weave a spell through the crowds. The spell will turn the unicorns in earth ponies, the earth ponies into pegasi, and the pegasi into unicorns.”

“How long will it last?”

“As long as we want it to.”

“Let’s do it.”

“Watch and be amazed by the amazing prestidigitation that is me! Gaze upon my hands as they bring new life into this world and look in awe while I entertain you, the masses!”

I pulled my staff out of thin air and blasted a small burst of energy into the air creating a brilliant flash of blue. It took five minutes to get the entire town in one place; they even pulled the kids out of school. I pulled a small glowing orb out of my robes and threw it on the ground making it release darkness that enveloped the whole of ponyville. The ponies were surprised but didn’t move. I jumped up onto the top of my staff balancing easily as I shot several light spells out of my hands entertaining them while I focused on weaving spells. The first duplicated me so there were two of me setting the darkness ablaze with colors. The second made a pony, it was completely sentient and appeared out of the lights converging at one place above the crowd. The pony slowly gained definition and was pure white, one of his eyes was a soothing blue while the other was an energetic gold. The pony slowly grew a horn and two admittedly large wings, on his flanks there were several small explosions of light that signified life. But then the pony began to shake and another appeared in front of it, the exact opposite in every way, she was a black pony with one bloody red eye and one sickly green one. The whites of her eyes were as black as her coat and her cutie mark were several dark holes. They regarded eachother for only a moment before walking back to the stage together. As soon as they touched the stage there was a small flash of white light returning ponyville to its original state. “Behold, Life and Death. I have created gods with my power and they will now explain what has happened to you whilst I run away!”

The two of me jumped off the stage and ran in two opposite directions, the second one faded as he got farther away from me and eventually disappeared out of existence. It took only a few moments before there was half the town nipping at my heels. The ones who had been turned into pegasi or unicorns tried to use their new found abilities but ended up just taking their own numbers down with them. We ran past the inn giving Rulia a good laugh as she used a bit of magic to trip the ones nipping at my toes, since I was running backwards. Eventually, I took a wrong turn and hit a dead end with the entire town glaring at me. A now hornless Twilight snorted like a bull as she stepped forward, “Change us back, now.”

“Oh little Sparkle, you forget one thing you should always have when making threats.”

“And what would that be?”

“Leverage.”

I snapped my fingers and I was suddenly on top of the town’s spire. Now let’s see how long till they give up.

Mental help

several references to my favorite anime, also Zeus says hi. sorry this took longer than i said it would but i'm not gonna wait another day for my editor. also i had a bit of trouble with the demon king's name. If your from america he's Akuto Sai.

They searched for hours before night fell and the majority fell asleep in the streets. I just teleported back to my room and went to bed without bothering with my clothes. When I woke up the now earth pony Twilight was smiling at me, “Nice to see you’re awake, I did a bit of research last night.”

“How nice for you.”

“There was quite a bit of information on you.”

“Yes there is. You’re point?”

“This!”

She clasped a familiar iron collar onto my neck making me freeze. In a flash of light she returned to her unicorn self, “So much better, now we need to talk about your attitude.”

I however was not listening as I freaked out, “No, no, no no no nonononononononono!!!!!!”

I tried to rip the collar off but it stayed firmly in place. “Calm down it’s just a collar that negates magic!”

I thrashed around knocking books down and several other things off their places. After a moment Twilight hit me and I stopped, just stopped. My mind was in another time and place. I looked around and saw only demons but this time, I had my sword at my hip. I drew it and looked around; the cave had a crude wooden door leading to an underground town. The buildings were covered in cracks and looked like they were falling apart. There was a large crystal above be obviously used to light the town. I wandered around but found the town deserted, “Brother will save me, he will, he has to.”

I heard movement behind me and spun around sword at the ready, “Come at me you demon scum! I can fight back this time!”

out of the shadows the demon king stepped out, “Hello again Jacob.”

“Ichiban Ushiro, you will not get anything out of me this time.”

“That remains to be seen, without your powers you can’t hope to beat Peter Hausen let alone me.”

I started shaking as I took a step back, “Draven will save me, just like last time.”

“But he took almost a year; I however will be done in a matter of minutes.”

“I’ve grown since our last fight, even if I don’t have my magic I won’t make it easy for you.”

He just smirked and a dark aura covered his body making his muscles pop out of his shirt and dark symbols appear under his eyes. I tensed my body for the fight but it never came, in a flash of brilliant white light my brother appeared in his fighting robes. From under his hood I could see confusion. Ichiban took a step back shielding his eyes but stood his ground, “So the holy man shows himself.” My brother ignored Ichiban and walked up to me, “Snap out of it Jacob!”

I blinked at his volume and the caves had disappeared, “Huh? What happened to the caves? And where did Ichiban go?”

“It’s alright, they were just delusions.”

“What? But, it seemed so real.”

“How did you get that collar on anyway?”

I touched my neck but didn’t feel the cold metal, “What happened to it?”

“I took it off, now where did it come from?”

I thought real hard before my confused look contorted into one of rage, “SPARKLE!!! I WILL RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!!!”

I sheathed my blade and set the very air around me on fire, fire so powerful buildings a hundred yards away burst into flames. I focused all the flames into my palm and threw it at her house which proceeded to explode in a glorious display of splinter-y carnage. Sparkle landed right in front of me skin burnt and mane singed, “Why?”

“If you had done your research right then you would know.”

With my anger curbed for now I walked away with Draven right next to me, “That seemed like a bit of overkill.”

“Probably was, but it would seem all the fucks I give are falling from the sky.”

“You need to be more careful, you’re getting reckless.”

“Not now Draven, I need to think.”

He nodded albeit hesitantly and walked away leaving me to sit on a bench. While I sat I considered the possibility that I had overreacted. Naw, I was duly justified. As long as Twilight didn’t die that is. I licked my lips and sighed, this is going to bite me in the ass before the day is out. I sat for hours until I felt the bench shift and opened my eye to see Rulia sitting there. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

“So I heard you had a bit of a freak out earlier.”

“I did, bad memories and such.”

“Your brother stopped by and told me.”

“That was, nice of him I guess.”

“He said you used to blow off some steam whenever you remembered that.”

“I will, but right now I need to sit here and breath.”

“Why?”

“It’s always the calmest before the storm.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Not sure, whenever this happens I usually just go off and burn energy. It’s hard to explain.”

“Can I watch?”

“I guess, but you might not want to get too close.”

“Alright.”

I stood up and teleported us to a large plot of land several dozen miles wide. Rulia sat three or four miles away as I forced my magic out, I let it all envelope me and I just let loose. The entire planet shook from the raw energy I put out, several mountains in the distance crumbled under the stress I put on them and pillars of pure magical energy erupted from the ground. Storm clouds formed and let loose red lightning over the entire planet. I let out a primal noise that came from my soul as the pillars grew in size and threatened to tear the planet in half. Just as I reached the apex of my power I stopped, enough energy burned to make me feel better but still a bit drained. I teleported back over to Rulia who was shaking slightly, “I didn’t know you had that kind of power.”

“You have almost as much as I do; I just have more training with it. If that went on I would have lost it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Magic, in its most raw form is an emotion. Let out enough of any emotion and it will consume you, I almost became feral.”

“That’s a scary thought.”

“It is, not like my brother.”

“How so?”

“When he uses magic he becomes smarter. His is directly tied to intelligence while mine is connected to raw power.”

“Since you two are twins shouldn’t your magic be more similar?”

“Nope, magic is determined by the individual. It grows with the person helping mold them as it is molded as well.”

“I should really learn all of this.”

I shrugged, “The majority of wizards have no clue that magic is an emotion, Draven and I know it only because we were trained at the Arcanum. A three, a two, and a one.”

A flash of golden light went off revealing a white alicorn, “Jacob what are you doing!”

I gave a small smile, “Blowing off steam, just a little energy burning.”

“You call that a LITTLE bit of energy!?”

“Of course, you must have heard about the twin prodigies, the higher gods in mortal form.”

“You’re the broken immortals!?”

“My brother and I, but that is neither here nor there. You’ll be happy to know my vacation is nearing an end.”

“Oh thank gods; I don’t think I can take much more of this.”

“Oh you know you’ll get bored without me around.”

“Don’t bet on that.”

“Oh and before I forget you may want to punish Sparkle, she was handling class ten magical items.”

“Class ten, oh why class ten!?”

“She used it on me.”

“Oh no, what do you want to keep quiet about this?”

“I’ll call on a favor later.”

“I was afraid you might say that.”

I nodded and sat down. There was an awkward silence until Rulia smiled, “Oh that reminds me, how is that little dragon doing?”

“Spike? I made a deal with that dragon lady. She’s going to help him with his hormones.”

“I don’t like her.”

“Neither do I, however she is the oldest around. She knows about baby dragons growing more than anything else around.”

“Either one of us could do a better job.

"Yes, we could. But it’s not our place, if we wanted to take him back to our world I’d have to go through a lot of paperwork. Besides with our own children on the way we won’t be able to be able to keep an eye on him.”

She nodded and stood up, “Well then your highness, I bid you a pleasant goodbye.”

She teleported the two of us back into town and sat back on the bench with me in tow. I licked my lips as a few pegasi moved clouds around. I closed my eyes and felt the world around me, a sense of sickening cheerfulness pervaded my senses from almost everything. The wind itself had feelings of its own. I swear this place needed a bit of chaos, just to keep things interesting. Chaos, something unexpected, oh I know just the thing. I gathered some raw magic into my hand and formed it into a ring before getting down on one knee, “Rulia, Princess of flames and dragon queen, will you marry me?”

She smiled and hugged me, “Yes, but why ask now?”

“I figured it was high time I asked, and I wanted a little break of the monotony.”

“You’re terrible.”

“Hey, it’s in the job description.”

She smiled and put her head on my shoulder, “It’s nice here. Too bad we have to leave soon.”

I nodded and smiled, “Well at least we have the wedding to look forward to.”

“I suppose but right after that you have to fight any challengers for my hand.”

“I know but I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. The dragons still have a healthy fear of me. Ever since I fought Olaf.”

“Yeah about that, nobody would tell me what happened to him.”

“I turned him into a human. An old man really, to live the next few years as the creature he hated the most.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you had it in you to be cruel. It’s kind of sexy.”

“Note to self, get torture room.”

“Oh stop it, I know you won’t”

I chuckled and put my arm around her, “Maybe, I have some violent tendencies. So what are we going to name them?”

“It depends on how draconic they are. If they are closer to being a dragon they’ll choose their own names.”

“Ah yes, I envy that all dragons are born knowing their names. Makes everything so simple.”

“You jelly?”

“What?”

“Forge told me to say it; I swear he gets weirder every day.”

“Understandable, he used to be human. You know how quick we can lose our minds.”

“Ya, I remember a little kid that went psycho when he saw me for the first time.”

“I was twelve!”

“And you were adorable! With your cute widdle cheeks and your itty bitty bladder.”

“Oh gods, I swear one of these days you’re going to make me blush so hard my face is going to lite on fire.”

She laughed and cuddled up to me, “You know you can’t stay mad at me.”

I sighed and flashed up a couple glasses filled with rum, “To our future together, may out deaths be glorious.”

“Here, here.”

We chugged the glasses and let out flames at the same time, mine being black and hers being red. “When did you learn to control flames like that?”

“I read the book on the way back.”

“No fair, and here I was thinking I knew magic that you didn’t.”

“You probably do, I’m raw power. No finesse to be found other than forging. I can’t do simple spells, only powerful ones.”

“Then what is flying? That’s a level two spell.”

“I could lift a mountain with me.”

“You’re being a jerk.”

“What? Why? Or how?”

“You keep showing me up.”

“It’s not like I’m trying to.”

“Exactly! You have godly power without even trying! I on the other hand have to concentrate so hard I get a headache whenever I go above a rank six spell!”

“Really? Here let me take a look.”

I put her forehead to mine and entered her mind. When we arrived in there she was in her dragon form and I was a Golem made of pure magic. Our souls stepped forward as I started to explain, “The most likely explanation is that there’s a mental trauma or block that’s causing your magic to build up without release. Being a dragon makes this condition harder to treat but it isn’t life threatening.”

“What kind of magic is this?”

“Basic magic, rank eleven.”

“So what are we looking for?”

“A block, to us it would look like a giant parasite.”

“Like that one?”

She pointed to a rather large plant like creature that seemed to be sucking on something. “Looks like it, now we just need to see what it’s sucking on.”

She grabbed the parasite by the sides and ripped it off cringing a little. What was revealed was a list, with my name on it. On one side it was why she liked me, on the other were the reasons she hated me. On the top of both sides was the same thing: Killed mom. “Well, you certainly have a complex love life.”

“Oh wow, I had forgotten about this.”

“You’ve seen this before?”

“Ya, I wrote it out when we talked for the first time and added onto it from there.”

“Well I’m not entirely sure I can help you with this. It would seem that I’m the problem.”

“So what do I do?”

“No clue, my brother is the one who always dealt with emotional stuff. I just blew everything up.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Something I hoped we wouldn’t have to do. Ask my brother for mental help.”

Highs and lows

Yo, it's been a while hasn't it? Well don't expect too much because i have my family stalking me 24/7. makes it a little hard to just think. So without further ado, let's resume our journey.

Asking Draven for help is something I hate to do. Admitting that I’m too weak or not smart enough to do anything just rubs me the wrong way. I've always been the strong guy, adept at matters both of the physical and magical nature. But the woman’s mind is something no mortal, god, or anything in between could figure out. If Draven didn’t have the skills to make people’s inner demons vanish I wouldn't be castrating myself before him now, “Please brother, we can’t move forward unless you help us.”

He smirked knowing he had full control over me, “You know the procedure. Say it.”

I groaned, “Draven is the most powerful manly stud of a mage.”

“And?”

“And, I’m a whiny little girl who constantly cries and wets herself.”

He grinned and slapped me on the back, “See, that wasn't so hard was it?”

“If you couldn't help Rulia I would neuter you right here and now.”

“Such hostility, are you slipping brother?”

“You know how asking for help makes me feel.”

He chuckled and walked over to the bench Rulia was waiting at with me. I tried to sit down but Draven stopped me, “Since you are the main source of the block you can’t help here. I’ll resolve it by the end of the day, I promise.”

I looked to Rulia who nodded. I sighed in defeat and walked away, straight to the everfree. I walked into the forest and was immediately bombarded with the spirit of the forest. It felt my power and thought I was here to destroy it. While it wasn't sentient in a traditional sense it was alive. It knew what fear was and it had its own way of communicating. I let my mind connect with the very air around me letting the forest know I meant no harm. Slowly, it let up its mental attack and let me move forward. I walked through the forest for what seemed like hours before I came across a clearing. It had sunlight filtering from above and green grass serenely shifted from a small breeze. In the middle of the clearing there was a tombstone with a scroll on top of it. I picked up the scroll and slowly opened it.

To whoever finds this. It has most likely been a long time since I have passed, the Arcanum library is just beginning construction and the gods have come together to bring two new lives into being. Celestia, and Luna. They will rule this world, one being the goddess of day, and the other of night. They will not reach sentience for thousands of years but this is not the point of this message. Within this forest is a statue of the elder god, the being who created himself to create all things in all universes. He waits there for a hero branded villain. I saw into the future and I see this being. I see you reading this millennia from now and know you are not ready. Power you have, knowledge as well. Wisdom you do not. You are young, rash, and you are preparing to have your children. The task set before you will not be open to you for many years. Not until you suffer a devastating loss will your soul be raw enough to approach the elder god without fear of his wrath. He knows the same pain. So for now, keep this with you, and please don’t mess up my tombstone.

I looked at the tombstone and chuckled, that was the most ridiculous name I have ever seen. Zublaak the snuggler. I shook my head and sat down to meditate, clearing my mind of all problems and distractions. My soul slowly transcended my body and I connected with the world around me. The spirits of the deceased creatures that had not passed on gathered around my body curious to see how I had died. I greeted them and floated through the forest until I found what I was looking for. The spirit form of the forest. It took a form of a phoenix like creature, it gave a green fluorescent glow as it turned to look at me. It gracefully flew towards me and stared into my eyes. We stayed like this for several moments before I nodded and walked away leaving the sacred glade behind.

I returned to my body then to Ponyville. Just in time to see that captain pony hugging Twilight. I walked past and was hit in the back by a magical blast. “Stop right there! You blew my sister’s house up!”

I turned around and raised an eyebrow, “She’s lucky I just didn’t kill her. Or Celestia.”

“First of all Celestia is immortal! She wouldn’t be brought down by a second rate magician like you!”

my eye twitched as I took a step towards him, “Second rate? Second rate!? I’ll show you second rate!”

I focused on the pony’s form and soul. I saw every hope, dream, flaw, fear, and thought. I separated the good from the bad and duplicated it, making a whole new pony. The exact opposite of the original. It separated from the original starting at the horn and generated a body. It had a voice that came from the bowels of hell, “Hello Shining Armor, I am Dingy Weapon.”

His teeth were black and sharper than any blade, his coat darker than any black that had a right to exist, he didn’t wear armor like his counterpart but the enhancements I gave him made up for it. Dingy brought a hoof up and punched Shining square in the jaw sending him back a dozen feet. I grinned and walked over to my creation, “Amazing, isn’t it? I took your memories, your D.N.A., your thoughts, and your soul, twisted them until they were horrible and disgusting imitations of the original. And the result, was your equal. The complete opposite of you, your power of love won’t stop this guy. He holds the pure power of hate in his heart.”

Shining grunted as he got up and glared at me, “There is no way that monster came from me.”

“Oh, no way you say? And yet here he is, your son. He came from you, and you spurn him? That’s just cold. I’m an evil overlord and even I’m not that cruel.”

Dingy grew a cold grin and walked over to his ‘dad’, “What’s wrong father? Don’t like me? Just like you’ve always thought your dad didn’t like you?”

Shining took a step back and started to look worried, “Shut up! You don’t know me!”

I chuckled, just like a teenager. Dingy got right up close and chuckled, “Alright, let’s steer away from our daddy issues. And talk about your gay experiments in guard training.”

“Shut up!”
Shining pushed Dingy away and tears started forming in his eyes. From hate, fear, or embarrassment I wasn’t sure. I licked one of my canines and snapped my fingers, “That’s enough, let’s see how he feels about my power now.”

He trembled as I walked over to him and looked him straight into the eyes, “You’re nothing to me, a bug in the presence of a god. Now take your son and get out of my sight. You try to get rid of him and he takes a part of you away. Until he’s ready to take on the world on his own. Congratulations, it’s a boy.”

Dingy shrunk down to a newborn foal and I wiped his memories, “He’s new to this world, your memories are gone. He is a fresh start. Take care of him, for he is your son.”

I smirked as the foal crawled to the emotionally drained Shining. Shining looked down in fear for a moment before picking the foal up and placing him on his back. I didn’t envy the fact he would have to tell his wife he had a kid. What I would give to see that. I walked away with several more hours to burn, to the place with the techno! I walked into the club and licked my lips, “Bartender, your strongest drink!”

“One dragon fire coming up!”

the club was filled to brim and they were all staring at me as the bartender gave me a drink that was on fire. I took it down with one gulp and steam came from my mouth, “Not bad, but I have some whiskey that will turn your hair crimson.”

I flashed up some of my personal brew and poured it in a cup for the bartender to try. True to my word as soon as he swallowed his brown coat and yellow mane turned red. He fell over drunk as I laughed, “I would think a barkeep would have a larger tolerance to the drink.”

I let magic permeate the air and little dancers appeared in the sky. The moved to the music and gave the place a stronger feeling. More powerful, what did the kids call it? Ah yes, exhilarating. I drank for about an hour before Fine Forge walked up to me, “So, about turning me into a human again?”

“Ah yes, is there any particular body you would like? Any special powers you want?”

“You can do that?”

“Of course, I’ve studied magic for the better part of my life. Simple transformations like these are easy.”

“Can you make me kind of like the hulk?”

“The what now?”

“It’s a being of pure rage, the angrier he gets the stronger he gets. But I want to keep my rationality.”

“Ah, so you want to become a faux ID. Easy enough, so will your old body do?”

“Yes, thank you. I miss my fingers.”

I snapped my fingers and Fine Forge started glowing. He grew to about six feet, he was scrawny but his eyes held passion. He had brown skin and black curly hair. His hair was bizarre, it was all poofy. “What, what’s wrong with your hair?”

“What? It’s an afro.”

“I see, well I suppose I’ve seen stranger things. If you want to activate your power simply call it. When it comes out you’ll feel a burning in your chest. It will hurt but only for a moment.”

“Thanks man, I can’t wait to show Twilight!”

“Don’t mention it, it was really no problem.”

He ran off with his new, or is it old body? Either way he ran off leaving me to drink. I paid for my drink and teleported up into the castle in Canterlot. Surprising the sun goddess, “Oh no, what’s gone wrong now?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Nothing, I was just bored.”

“I thought you said nothing was wrong. Bad things happen when powerful creatures get bored.”

“Oh relax, I’m not going to destroy anything, at least not in this country. I was wondering if there was a place where I could get some entertainment.”

“Try the badlands, there is always something going on over there.”

“Alright, which direction should I head in?”

“Just go east till you reach them, they’re impossible to miss.”

I gave her my thanks and teleported a few miles above the castle and started flying. It didn't more than an hour going at a leisurely pace. Sure enough I saw a large stone coliseum with creatures of all sorts rushing in. I joined the stampede and managed to float in the air while the combatants were brought out. One was a large minotaur, and when I saw large I mean he was at least three stories tall. The other was a small pink blob. Knowing how the world worked, my money was on the blob. The blab would probably only go above my ankle if I was next to it which to my mild surprise made the next part so much freakier. It grew until it looked exactly the same as its opponent, but twice the size. Needless to say the minotaur ran like a little bitch.

The blob returned to its original form and I felt some powerful magic wash through the stadium. Sleeping spells. Smart, if nobody knows your abilities then you have the upper hand. They all just think they dozed off and dreamed the fight. The next thing I saw come out to fight the blob made my heart stop in fear. It was a shadow mage. A being of pure dark energy. At my best I could probably beat it but there was no guarantee. They fed off of your fears, they invade your mind and make you kill yourself. These things, are the only thing anyone should fear. I faced one once before, when Draven and I were young. We survived, just barely and dozens of other extremely powerful mages were killed. I remember seeing its face, its skin clung to bone and was a black color. The teeth were sharp and its scream, it sounded as if an innocent girl was being raped and murdered at the same time. But, the most terrifying thing about it was its eyes. Just an empty void where your hopes and dreams die. Not even its ability to suck out your soul was as terrifying as its eyes. It only has one weakness, near impossible to use. You have to laugh at it. Pinkie Pie would be the destroyer of worlds to them.

The thought made me chuckle but then it looked at me and the chuckles stopped. Wait, that was the same shadow mage from back when I was a kid. The red star on his robe was exactly the same. It stared at me for a few moments before I heard it’s whisper in my head, “Good, you remember me.”

I nodded, “You were the most terrifying thin I had ever seen. Still are.”

“And yet you are so calm.”

“I’ve become much more adept at magic, I can lock away my fear now.”

“I see, and that other one?”

“He’s the same.”

“How unfortunate, you held some massive stores of fear inside of you. I heard you are getting married to the dragoness.”

“I am, how did you hear?”

“We shadow mages keep in touch with the world. Have to feed somehow.”

“Ah, so not that this isn’t a riveting conversation but I need to leave before my fear overpowers my magic.”

“Do you really fear me that much?”

“More than death itself.”

“Why would you fear death?”

“I don’t know, I fear it so much I’ve made a way out. Kill that blob before it can transform or else it will copy your form and abilities.”

I teleported out of there before it could respond and as soon as I was back at the castle my dam broke. I started shivering and fell onto the ground, tears clouded my vision as I took deep breaths. “Jacob!? What’s wrong!?”

“S-shadow m-m-m-mage.”

I forced myself up and teleported back to Ponyville, more specifically my room. I curled up in my bed and just whimpered. I lay there all day, trying to bury the memories. It worked, but only after I used magic to help. Using mental magic on yourself was dangerous; you’re too close to yourself to accurately see the whole painting. One little oversight can make the entire spell go haywire and turn your brain to mush. Fortunately I was a badass at my job. The spell went off without a hitch and I shook my head, “Good, can’t remember a thing about the… thingy.”

Well whatever it was I probably had a good reason for getting rid of it. I stood up and stretched my back. After looking out the window and seeing the moon I decided to find Rulia. I teleported back to the park and immediately I wished I hadn’t. Draven, was forcing himself on Rulia. My eye twitched a couple times before I calmly walked over, grabbed Draven on the shoulder, and punched him, “Draven, you better have a good explanation for this.”

I stood over him and growled. “Now Jacob, don’t lose your temper. Things just got a little out of hand.”

I picked him up with my magic and pinned him against the bench, “Explain, now.”

Rulia who was twitching on the ground till now spoke up, “Jacob, help.”

Her dress was ripped and some blood was coming from her mouth. I gently picked her up and placed her next to Draven, “Alright, you don’t seem to be to hurt. Just a little weak. Now, what did he do to you?”

“I, I can’t remember.”

I clenched my fist and concentrated. I didn’t want to do this yet but, it seems like I have no choice. I snapped my fingers and in a white flash Celestia fell down from about ten feet waking her rather rudely. She groaned and glared at me, “This had better be important.”

“I’m using my favor. Keep Draven immobilized till I can figure this out. And if he tries to run, kill him.”

All three sets of eyes around me widened. “Are, are you sure?”

“Kill him by slamming him into the sun nuts first.”

“What did he do?”

I picked Rulia up gently and carried her to our room. I put her down on the bed and pumped some of my energy into her body. When she was able to stand up on her own I kissed her, “You have no clue how worried I was. Or how angry I am with Draven.”

“Who, who are you?”

My eyes widened and I dived into her mind. It was that parasite from before, only it was bigger. There was only one explanation for this, Draven was the one who put in there in the first place. It suddenly made sense, his eagerness to help Rulia, how he rushed to help me, and how he asked me to leave. I charged raw magic into my hands and grabbed the plant tentacle thing and it disintegrated in moments just like last time. But this time I placed wards to keep her mind locked from people who she didn’t want in there. I blinked and I was back in the bedroom with Rulia clinging to me. I stroked her hair and made sure she was comfortable. We stayed awake all night and in the morning she finally spoke, “Thank you, I was caught off guard. What are we going to do with your brother?”

I sighed and looked out the window, “I don’t know, without him our world will fall into chaos. But, right now I want to murder him.”

“He didn’t actually get in, you showed up just in time.”

“What do you want to do with him?”

She snarled her response, “Cut off his junk.”

I thought for a minute before I smiled, “Alright, let’s cut off his junk.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Seriously, I know just the guy to talk to.”

“Can I tell him?”

“I would consider it hilarious if you did.”

I helped her up and repaired her dress. I would have done it earlier but, she just looked so hot like that. I kissed her and we walked back to the park. Rulia smirked as we entered my draconian brother’s view, “Hello Draven, we have decided on your punishment. Your genitals, are forfeit.”

I chuckled as the color drained from his face. I walked up to him and grinned like a madman, “I believe you remember our old friend Zouel correct?”

He shook his head frantically as I gathered the summoning spell in my hand, “He’s mean, he’s nasty, he’s all around cruel. He makes fire look tame and steam look cool. I summon master Zouel.”

In a pillar of green flames the old dwarf appeared, “How can I help ya youngin’?”

“Castrate my brother.”

“Alright, how should I fix it up?”

“So he can’t have it repaired.”

“Alrighty, I’ll just drop him off at his tower when I’m done.”

I nodded and they both disappeared in a pillar of green flames. I winced as I thought about what I just sentenced my brother to. Celestia yawned and flashed presumably back to her castle. I sat next to Rulia and sighed, “Our last day here. So what do you think of my vacation spot?”

She put her head on my shoulder and thrummed, “It’s nice, but I can’t wait to get back home. We should only have to wait a couple days to get married.”

“And our lives will be perfect.”

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We still need to raise our kids.”

“Our kids will be perfect you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because they’ll be our kids.”

“Shut up, I’m the one who’s supposed to get emotional.”

I smiled and put my arm around her, “What say you we just spend our day here?”

“That would be nice.”

We spent the day on that bench watching the world go on and talking about random things. It was nice, but eventually we went back to our room and went to bed. The last day of Ponyville life wasn't the most, desirable. But it was a day I wouldn't change for the world.

So, what do you think? It may not be quite the same but i kinda like it.

Chapter 1

I, am a mage. But I am so much more. I am a mage that has the power to crush the world under my foot if I so wish. What makes me so powerful you ask? My near endless supply of internal magic, my ability to both use magic and competently use a sword, my unusual approach to my problems? All a part of it but none are the main reason. The reason why I’m so powerful is I think, I know I have weaknesses and don’t think I can’t be defeated. I always go into battle expecting to die, but I never give up. Now many call me evil, incinerating a small country will do that. However I am not evil, I am just a bit excitable. It was his fault for pulling the pistol. Either way I was branded as an evil overlord and driven into my castle unable to leave or have the entire world think I’m going on a rampage. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem but my brother would get pissed off. My brother you see is the Grand Templar, a position only given to those who have spent their entire lives to doing good and have the power to keep evil at bay. He is the one person who could match me blow for blow. We have a game where I put out just enough evil energy from my castle to keep the rest of the world wary of me but not so much as to have them send my brother to fight me. The game being how often I can fluctuate my power before he comes by with a warning. However this time I have lost the game.

“You really need to be more careful Jacob, one more increase of power and I’ll have no choice but to fight you.”

“I know Draven, but while this castle is large it is still a prison. You might rarely get to go out but at least you get to take a month long vacation every year.”

“I’m sorry but this is just the way it has to be until we can figure out a way to get the people to realize you aren’t evil.”

“That won’t hurt my pride too much. What if I try something with inter-dimensional magic?”

“You want to leave?”

“Not permanently, just for a vacation. I’ve been looking through some dimensions and have found a few that are pretty peaceful, just someplace where I can stretch my legs and my mind.”

“I don’t know, if the energy is cut off then people will think you’re storing up energy for an attack.”

“No problem, I’ve filled up the crystal generators with enough power to keep it going for years.”

“And if you lack the energy to get back?”

“You know I never go anywhere without by belt.”

“I don’t know, what if you get hurt, or worse?”

“Brother, I may be human but I am a mage. Besides I can always take my sword with me and a few guards.”

“What happened to all that humility?”

“Right, sorry, I’m just eager to go. Eleven years is a long time.”

He nodded and smiled at me, “As long as you’ve taken the necessary precautions then we only need to decide how much energy your crystals will need to put out.”

“And for how long.”

I got up from my ebony throne and walked down the steps to my brother, “How about we discuss it over some mead?”

he shook his head, “You know I don’t drink.”

I smiled my head before the doors to my throne room burst open letting five heroes jump in, “We are here to assist you Grand Templar!”

I jumped back from my brother and took on my role as evil overlord, “I see you have brought some lambs to the slaughter, it makes no difference brother they will die, same as you.”

My brother hid a smile as he faced me, “So you would delude yourself, but with the help of these righteous souls I will defeat you.”

I looked to the heroes, “A thief, an archer, a paladin, and two lowly mages? Is that all you think of me brother?”

“No, there is still me you must deal with.”

“Very well, but remember that I offered you mercy.”

I snapped my fingers and all five heroes were knocked out by a small shock of electricity. “Well that was rather boring; I wonder how they all got through my traps.”

“You deactivated them so you wouldn’t have to reset them when I got through remember?”

“Ah right, but that means… Crap, you need to be blasted back through that wall ok?”

“Why?”

“You have a fucking army out there.”

“Oh no.”

“Sorry, but an army can’t be let to live. About half before you order a retreat?”

he nodded sadly, “Poor fools.”

I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled, “Because evil always finds a way.”

He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder, “And Good will always strike evil’s heart.”

I threw him through the wall and jumped out landing on the ground outside my castle with a boom. My castle is basically a living being, an extension of myself and as such I can change it at will. As I straightened my legs the castle burst into flames giving me a truly fearsome look, “You have gone too far brother, my home is not so easily replaced as your soldiers.”

The archers pulled their bows back and let loose a sea of arrows that all but blotted out the sun. I drew my katana from my hip and began walking forward. As the arrows fell I swung my blade so fast that it was barely visible as I cut the arrows into tiny pieces making them fall to the ground useless. I continued to walk forward as the archers fired more arrows and before too long I was too close for them so the melee fighters ran up getting buffs from the mages. I either cut them in half or just made them explode as I walked through their ranks. My brother levitated above the ranks and blasted a fireball the size of my castle at me. I swatted it away with the back of my hand before stopping in the middle of the army, surrounded. I shook my head and looked up to my brother, “So many die for your so called righteous cause, isn’t death what you are trying to prevent brother?”

a random soldier stepped forward, “How dare you talk to the grand Templar with such disrespect!”

he ran towards me and swung his sword but only sliced though air as I was already fifty feet upwards, “Insolent whelp.”

I sighed and lifted the man with my magic and made each of his limbs slowly tear off of his body before dropping onto the ground, still alive. “Out of respect for my brother I will allow you all to leave, but come back to fight me and having your limbs ripped from your body will be the least of your worries."

The troops looked at the carnage behind me before they look up to my brother who clears his throat, “Retreat, I will stay behind and fight him.”

There were some grumbles from the remaining half of the army before my brother raised his voice, “That is an order!”

the army left quickly leaving us standing in the middle of the field. “Why must I be such an idiot brother?”

he looked at the carnage and gave me a sad look, “You’re not an idiot, but this is a problem.”

I sighed and swung my katana making all the blood fly off of it before placing it in its sheath. The man who had his limbs ripped off was now unconscious and snoring. “Should I or would you prefer to do it?”

he knelt by him, “I know more healing magic than you, it’ll be safer if I do it.”

“You mean you think you know more.”

He rolled his eyes and healed the man with a flash of white light. The man lay there sleeping with new pure white limbs. “Really? You could have given him his old ones back.”

“I know, but I need to keep up appearances.” I nodded and summoned some shadow beasts to clean up the mess.

“Alright, I’ll be gone for a month. The story is that you were mortally wounded and need to rest and you managed to stab my heart leaving me too weak to attack.”

“All you need is a few shadow beasts patrolling your borders and nobody will come near.”

We had changed clothes and were preparing for our departure. I opened a portal back to the wilderness near his ivory castle and smiled, “Because good always strikes evil’s heart.”

“And evil always finds a way.”

He jumped through the portal in the ground and landed on the top of a tree before I closed the portal. I gathered some supplies before I prepared my own portal, “Belt, check. Enchanted katana, check. Gold, check. Suitcases, check. Books, check. That’s everything.” The portal opened showing a quaint little town called ponyville, a place of unmatched peace. Well compared to my life it was. The best part of it was a good chunk of the population was magic users. I grabbed my suitcases and jumped into the portal laughing.

Twilight began her morning like any other, she woke up, brushed her mane, woke Spike up, Started breakfast, woke Spike up again, and then went over her list for the day. Today however was different, as she went over her list there was a deafening boom overhead and a giant flaming ball appeared in the sky before slamming into Sweet apple acres.

I sailed through the sky laughing the entire way in a giant fireball before I slammed headfirst into the ground. I just laughed like a maniac as a crowd gathered around me, at first it was the apple family then random citizens. I levitated my stuff and I out of the crater before I gave the ponies a huge smile, “’Sup?”
they scrambled, save for the elements of harmony and big Macintosh. I did my fair share of research before coming here, enough to know none of the inhabitants were a threat to my. Alone anyway. Applejack just looked at the destruction around me for a while before I realized I had leveled her farm. “If you could point me towards the bannered mare I have to check in by noon or they’ll charge me extra.”

They just stared at me until applejack screamed with tears in her eyes, “YOU VARMINT!!! LOOK WHAT YA DID TA MAH HOME!!! TO MAH FARM!!!”

I rolled my eyes, “Sheesh, just give me like two seconds and I’ll fix it. No need to get so emotional.”

I snapped my fingers and in a flash the farm was just as it was before I arrived. I picked up my bags and proceeded to fly straight up, turn 90 degrees towards the town, and shoot off at 100 miles per hour. I got to ponyville and touched down just in front of the hotel and walked in, “I reserved a room under the name of Jacob for the month, I’m here to check in.”

the owner was what looked like a grizzled war veteran, he had a five o clock shadow and a toothpick between his slightly yellow teeth, “Alright, sign in here and I’m going to need the money up front.”

I dropped a gold bar on the table, “Will this be enough?”

he looked at the bar for a moment, “Pure gold?”

“Yes.”

“It’ll do, sign here.”

I signed my name and picked up the room key. A bellboy tried to move my bags but couldn’t budge them, “Now you know why I wanted a first level room, those bags weigh a few tons each.”

A little magic made them grow legs and follow me to my room. They thudded onto the ground leaving me to take in my surroundings, a grey room that was in perfect contrast to the town. It was good to have balance. With my stuff enchanted to be un-open-able I walked out of the inn and flew up to a high cloud before seeing if I could touch it. I could, meaning I could start this vacation the way I wanted to, with a cloud nap. I woke up by hitting the ground, hard. it broke open my lucky tomato juice bottle.

“You killed it.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

I groaned as I pushed myself up, “Well that hurt, and now I have to clean myself up. Damn ground, that was my lucky charm.”

I stood up and looked at the elements of harmony, “And to what do I owe being awoken in such a manner?”

Twilight looked at the splotch on my black robes, “You’re bleeding!”

I rolled my eyes, “No I’m not, you just broke my lucky tomato juice bottle.”

I levitated the shards out of my robes and tossed them in a trash can. The juice came out of my robes and dropped onto the ground, “Now what do you want? I’m trying to relax.”

Rainbow Dash glared at me, “We want to know why you destroyed Applejack’s farm!”

“I didn’t mean to, I’m not really used to hopping through dimensions yet so I picked a place that wasn’t too far from ponyville to enter. I didn’t know I would cause so much destruction. Not to mention I fixed it.”

“She didn’t let up though, “And how did you do that!?”

“Magic, simple stuff really.”

Twilight shook her head, “Magic is a complex art that takes years of study and practice to master.”

“And yet I learned that spell in a matter of seconds, what does that say about your skills?”

She blinked a couple of times before shrinking back a little, “Well, maybe it was just a bunch of little spells?”

“Nope, all at once. Now since you interrupted my nap I’m going to look at the town.”

Rainbow blocked my path, “Oh no you don’t, you aren’t going anywhere until you answer our questions!”

I rolled my eyes, “What if the earth orbits the sun?”

the entire group stiffened. “Too easy.”

I walked off leaving them to deal with whatever they you deal with when your entire world is put into perspective. The town was bright and cheery, a nice change from my castle. Other from a few wary glances I walked through the town unperturbed until I got to the park where a mare was preforming some simple tricks to entertain some children, “The great and powerful Trixie thanks you for coming to see the greatest magic in all of Equestria!”

I smirked, “Other than mine of course.”

Her gaze turned into a glare directed to me, “You dare think you have more magical prowess than me!?”

“I don’t think, I know.”

I waved a hand over my stomach making a target appear, “Take your best shot.”

Her horn glowed fiercely as she charged her magic and let it blast forward towards me. It barely made my robes move, “Is that it?” Her horn glowed even brighter as a cage made of trees shot up around me. The trees used their roots as legs and walked out of my way. I smirked as music started playing from nowhere,

I must admit,
Your parlor tricks are amusing
I bet you've got a bunny
Under your hat!
Now here's your chance
To get the best of me,
Hope your hoof is hot!
C'mon, clown,
Let's see what you've got!
You try to slam me
With your hardest stuff
But your double whammy
Isn't up to snuff
I'll set the record straight
You're simply out of date
You're only second rate!
You think your cat's a meanie,
But your tiger's tame
You've got a lot to learn
About the magic game
So for your education,
I'll reiterate
You're only second rate!
Men cower at the power
In my pinky
My thumb is number one
On every list
But if you're not convinced
That I'm invincible,
Put me to the test!
I'd love to lay this rivalry to rest!
Go ahead and zap me
With the big surprise
Slap me in a trap,
Cut me down to size
I'll make a big escape
It's just a piece of cake
You're only second rate!
You know, your hocus-pocus
Isn't tough enough
And your mumbo-jumbo
Doesn't measure up
Let me pontificate
Upon your sorry state
You're only second rate!
Zaba-caba-dabra!
Jacob's gonna grab ya!
Alakazam-da-mus
And this thing's bigger than the both of us!
So spare me your tremendous scare!
You look horrendous in your underwear!
And I can hardly wait
To discombobulate
I'll send ya back and packing
In a shipping crate
You'll make a better living
With a spinning plate
You're only second rate!

After my little number both her and her carriage blasted off into the distance leaving the children cheering for me. I bowed a few times, “Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all month!”

I left the park and proceeded to the sweets shop to get a muffin. I was about to enter Sugarcube corner before I thought better of it and walked off towards the other sweets shop. I opened the door and heard a bell jingle, I still didn’t get why the doors were small but everything else was human sized. “One moment please!”

waited at the counter and saw the pony gasp but slowly walk over to me, “C-can I help you?”

I gave her a gentle smile, “Is there anything fresh out of the oven?”

she nodded, “Chocolate chip muffins, two for one bit.”

I fished out the local currency from my pocket and gave one to her. She trotted to the back room and brought back two steaming muffins, “here you go, thanks for dropping by.”

I took the muffins and left. The muffins were the best thing I had ever tasted, almost as good as sex. ALMOST. I inhaled the second one and noticed the sun going down. The walk to the inn was quiet and peaceful, everything that I had wanted. When I got to my room I found Rainbow in a black jumpsuit trying to open my bags. “What are you doing?”

she jumped up and tried to jump out the window but a simple spell froze her in time so I could stand in her way. As soon as she hit me she bounced back onto the floor, “OW! How are you so fast!?”

“I’m not, you’re just slow.”

She took that as a personal insult, “Hey, I’m the fastest flier in all of Equestria!”

“That may be true but I walked in front of you, now tell me why you were trying to take my stuff?”

“I wasn’t! I just wanted to see what was inside to make sure you weren’t a spy or something!”

“Says the mare in the black jumpsuit.”

“Ok, that may have been a bad idea.”

“Whatever, please leave so I can get some sleep. I have a long day of relaxing tomorrow and I’d like to enjoy it.”

“Fine, but first tell me what’s in the bags.”

“Clothes, money, toiletries, anvils, the normal vacation stuff.”

“Anvils?”

“Well I have to justify them to my accountant somehow.”

She looked like she was going to say something then decided against it, “Alright, but I have my eye on you.” “Would you like mine on you?”

I put my hand over my eye and made an illusion of my eyeball coming out in my hand before presenting it to a now green faced Rainbow Dash. She left in a hurry letting me turn in, “Well let’s see how this is all going to be a pain in the ass huh?”

with that I locked my door and slid into bed.

Tomorrows sorrows

this is a little sneak peak at the end. that's right, i actually have a plan. only 1k because i didn't want to give away too much. Well, ALLONSY!!!!

P.S. it may change slightly when we actually get to this point.

“Jacob calm down!”

I growled as I set another building on fire, “Calm down!? You stay calm after someone does that to you!”

“Now brother I know you’re angry but this is going overboard.”

“Overboard!? OVERBOARD!!!??? YOU WILL EAT THOSE WORDS!!”

I charged an electric storm into my hand and let it loose at my brother, “YOU SEE HOW YOU REACT WHEN YOUR DAUGHTER GETS MURDERED!!!!”

The electric blast stunned him only for a moment letting him get up and sigh, “I’m sorry, but you have become what we were afraid of. As such I must stop you.”

“Less words, more fight.”

I threw spell after spell at him, from fireballs to just plain magic. We fought for several hours until I slipped up and put too much power into an ice spike, it flew above him giving him enough time to build up enough power to blast me with his signature move. The white light flowed through my body rendering me unable to move. I fell to my knees tears falling from my eyes. “I’m sorry for what he did but you can’t take your frustrations on the world.”

He put his hand on my shoulder and tried to give me a weak smile but stopped short when my hand constricted around his throat, “Watch me.”

I threw him clear across the town and screamed, “I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN MY PATH UNTIL I FIND THAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR A MORTAL!!!!”

I grabbed the nearest living thing and crushed its head just to feel the crunch. I started walking away from the ruined town, not a single building stood and only a few people survived simply to spread the word of my rage. I felt Rulia’s sorrow in the back of my head and heard her tears fall which just made my rage grow. I walked towards the city in the distance which was already being evacuated and the holy army was marching towards me. In only a few hours they were all slaughtered, “Humans, such weaklings.”

The city was almost pure white, blue roofs with some golden lacing here and there. The royal city had walls that were protected against all but the most powerful magic, meaning I reduced it to rubble. Empty, the entire city was empty. Meaning no one saw me level it, it was just a smooth plain when I started walking away. I saw a silhouette running away in the distance and teleported in front of him, “You, will, pay.”

“N-now don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

I grabbed the man by his throat and looked him in the eye, “I gave you sanctuary, I took your family in when you had nowhere else to go. And you killed my daughter. There is nothing in this or any other worlds that will make me regret this.”

My magic flowed into him making him scream in pain, every second of his life would be endless pain from now on. His skin turned black and his eyes started melting. His body turned hard as an exoskeleton sprouted. Fangs grew from his gums and from within his eye sockets magic flowed giving him new eyes of pure emerald. Bug like wings sprouted from his back and a horn from his forehead. I felt his spirit breaking and twisting until I claimed it from death to make him my slave. The man had no choice but to follow my every command while watching, completely aware but unable to do anything. “We will walk back to my castle, and you are going to kill your family.”

I heard him scream in his head but his body just nodded and started walking. The trip was eventful to say the least, some remaining peasants tried to fight me but only one had managed to wound me, a small boy no older than five held a piece of splintered wood defending his mother and baby sister, “No hurting mama or Sarah!”

I stood over him and the terrified woman who was stroking the baby’s head keeping it calm. “Very well, just get them to a safer place.”

I snapped my fingers and my slave and I walked away. After another mile a small group of soldiers attempted to stop me which led to them being torn apart by Slave. He was unable to talk due to my magic completely changing his vocal cords but his screech froze any sane man in place. After that nothing of consequence happened, people who were left behind ran away and I gave a few coins to those who were brave enough to fight me but were too young to really fight. They took the coin albeit very understandably cautiously. I slept while Slave kept watch and ate while I sustained him with magic. We arrived at my castle after a week and instantly my children came running, “DADDY!!”

“Hello children, how’s mommy doing?”

Emeryl bounce onto my back and snorted causing a bit of fire, “She says she wants to go see sister.”

“So do I, but we can’t.”

“Why? Is she hiding?”

“Something like that. What do you say I try to get mommy to eat with us tonight?”

they cheered and ran off into the castle leaving me to face Rulia alone. I walked into our bedroom and saw a lump under the covers. I felt each tear drop from her eyes as I sat down on the floor next to the bed, “Hello dear.”

Through a coarse voice I heard her response, “Is that monster dead?”

“Better, he’s murdering his family and when he’s done we can either make him our slave forever or kill him.”

“Kill, how painfully can we do it?”

“Well, we can put hooks through each of his limbs and put him up in the magic pool for a few minutes.”

“Not enough.”

"Arrows through his genitals.”

“Not enough.”

I scratched my beard and sighed, “How about this, we slowly rip out his intestines for say three days then slowly tear off his ribs and as he’s passing out from the pain I use a bit of magic to make him feel every nanosecond as if a million suns are ripping through his body as we rip out his heart and make him watch it stop beating.”

“Let’s do that.”

For the first time in almost a month, I saw her smile.