Chapters Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
This wasn’t the desert. Or rather, the correct desert.
Nancy was still shaking off sleep, but she was already pretty sure this was nowhere near El Centro. The rock at her back seemed sharper than she remembered, poking against her kevlar vest. The sand was a different color. The mountains looked closer. The air smelled like sulfur.
Surely she hadn’t been asleep that long.
Getting up, Nancy paused to brush the sand off her camouflage trousers and then turned to head back to the radio station. She kept turning. Where did it go?
After turning three hundred sixty degrees and still not seeing the tower, substation, chain link fence, or government pickup truck, Nancy began to get worried. She glanced at the sky, but the low, ugly clouds prevented taking a direction on the sun. Her watch showed that it was three in the morning. While that sounded about right, it didn’t look like it; even with the cloudcover it was clearly daytime. Her cell phone was equally useless, though in the desert it hadn’t gotten any reception before, either.
Nancy looked at the mountains, and then turned to stare at the flat desert in the other direction. El Centro should be opposite the mountains, but she was growing concerned that she wasn’t anywhere near where she had been. Besides, she was now, apparently, relatively closer to the peaks.
On impulse, she set off towards the mountains at a fast walk, deciding it was better than walking deeper into the desert.
The situation was already unknown, so it was imperative to be prepared. Along the way, she reassured herself with her hands and eyes that her gear was good to go.
Tan suede boots, check. Tan USS Higgins ballcap keeping her dark hair in place, check. Navy Working Uniform Type III green digital camouflage with sleeves rolled, check. Black kevlar vest with one SAPI plate, check. Partially-filled CamelBak, check. Government-issued Gerber multitool, check. M16A3 rifle carried on a sling and three magazines, check. M9 pistol in a leg holster and three magazines, check.
She did a brass check on both weapons and put them back on safety.
Even as relatively close as the mountains looked now, they were still probably miles away. Nancy had plenty of time to think. She walked and had a cigarette.
She’d volunteered to leave the ship in San Diego amid coronavirus mitigation and go take the night shift guarding some Navy radio station in the desert to the east. Nancy didn’t know what it was for. Maybe related to the nearby Naval Air Station El Centro. Either way, spending twelve hours a day in the middle of nowhere had given her a good sense of why volunteering for things was generally a bad idea - even before whatever had just happened to her had happened.
Nancy watched anime sometimes and there was a word for her predicament in the back of her mind, but she refused to consider it.
At least not until she saw the dragon.
It was only a glimpse, appearing through the low clouds for a few seconds, but it definitely wasn’t a California Condor. Wings, four legs, tail. Nancy instinctively dropped to a crouch, hands on her weapons. Basketball-sized rocks had begun to dot the landscape as she got closer to the mountains, but that wasn’t even close to being adequate cover for an attack. The dragon was only a distant, dark silhouette, but after a moment vanished back into the clouds.
A dragon!?
“What the fuck,” Nancy muttered under her breath.
She considered going back the way she came, but reluctantly decided to press on, reasoning that she was more likely to find essentials - food, water, cover - in the mountains before her rather than the desert behind her. Plus, a dragon? No, she must have just misinterpreted it.
She started walking again, and shortly came to the first few scrubish plants as the terrain got a little rougher and started to slope up.
The sky seemed to be darkening, though the clouds remained thick. Despite the mismatch in time, it seemed that night was coming on. Nancy had been working the night shift, but didn’t have a light outside of her cell phone or lighter.
She paused to have another cigarette, wondering if she should be rationing the remaining pack. Glancing around to see how far she’d come, there was a faint glimmer perpendicular to her course. Staring at it for several seconds, Nancy realized that it was a light, or maybe a string of lights, moving slowly but smoothly along. It seemed like a vehicle or several vehicles.
As she watched, they seemed to be coming closer, but were still miles away, and not on an intercept course. It was now too dark to see if there were dust clouds. Nancy reasoned that if she kept going forward, she might eventually reach the road or railway or whatever was out there. This was the first sign of civilization she’d seen since appearing wherever she was, and her pace quickened.
The mountain continued to climb and Nancy lost sight of the lights beyond the slope. Though, she was beginning to notice sort of an orange glow around the summits ahead and reflecting off the clouds.
It soon became apparent why as she reached a peak in the terrain. In a wide, bowl valley beyond, multiple lava pools dotted the ground. That also explained the smell in the air.
In the distance, silhouetted against the glowing pools of lava, Nancy saw something move. She wasn’t sure if it was vapor from the volcanic ground, or if there was actually something out there.
Knowing the lights she had seen earlier were probably ahead, she crested the rim of the valley and started down. The rocks here were bigger, verging on boulders, and she had to take a meandering path through them. Even trying to be careful in the darkness, her boots slipped on the loose stones a couple of times.
Getting closer, Nancy saw now that there were definitely dark figures moving around near the lava pits. They weren’t obviously human shapes, either. Dragons near lava - did that make sense? Well, if one assumed dragons existed.
She shook her head and adjusted course to keep her distance, only to draw up short at the sound of voices. If they were loud enough to be heard over her steps, then she must be close. Nancy dropped into a crouch. As she listened, however, she was less sure that it was speech. It didn’t sound like a language, much less one she understood.
She dropped even lower behind a nearby boulder as the voices - two of them - seemed to be accompanied by heavy steps. Two shapes loomed out of the darkness, definitely not human.
Nancy’s heart rate spiked and she gasped before she could stop herself. It was too dark to see details, but the silhouettes were, well...dragons. What else was shaped like a lizard with wings? Her CamelBak had a few sips of water left, but her mouth had gone dry.
The dragons weren’t even fifteen feet away, but apparently didn’t hear her. The voices, if she could call them that, seemed to be having a conversation. Were these - Nancy could barely bring herself to think it - dragons intelligent? Both of them seemed to be bipedal and taller than her.
As they passed, Nancy started to move again, doing her best to step silently. She was on her way to another boulder for cover when there was a screech that made her hair stand on end. A streak of light from deeper down in the valley shot skyward, and then a massive, though relatively quiet, explosion lit the sky, streamers of multicolored light spreading and beginning to curve back to the earth.
It took Nancy half a second to realize that the sudden bloom of light had revealed that she was surrounded by at least a dozen dragons she hadn’t noticed in the darkness. She ducked, hoping they were focused on what was apparently some kind of fireworks show. Did dragons have fireworks?
Why was she thinking about that at a time like this? Nancy glanced from around her rock, but couldn’t tell if there were any eyes on her. Keeping low, she started to move to her next cover.
She was suddenly flipped forward as something grabbed at her leg. Nancy let out an involuntary shout and twisted, trying to kick with her other foot. In the dim light of the still fading burst shell, she saw a portly brown shape - her mind identifying it as a dragon but still refusing to believe it. There were two horns on its head and some kind of flail on the end of its tail. The wings were smaller than many of the other dragons.
All these little details didn’t help in the slightest as Nancy tried to free herself from its grasp around her ankle by struggling and kicking. The dragon swiped its other clawed foreleg at her. Nancy did her best to deflect it, but her strength was no match against the scaly limb.
Fortunately, the ceramic SAPI plate and most of the kevlar in the front of her vest held firm, the dragon’s claws only ripping some of the nylon loops on the outside. Nancy’s hands frantically searched for her rifle, but lying on her back, she wasn’t sure where it had gone. She didn’t have time to find it, either, as the dragon lifted her into the air, upside down. The rifle dropped past her head, falling to the end of the sling.
Nancy grabbed her sidearm. At least it was exactly where she expected it. The dragon lifted her higher and started to open its mouth. She pointed at the dragons’ face, not even bothering with sights, and pulled the trigger as fast as the pistol would cycle.
In the next instant, she was in freefall. There was time to see a spray of blood from her target, and then she hit the rocks below with her head.
It was probably only a few seconds between when Nancy had hit the ground and when she started to regain consciousness, but that was far too long. A dragon had discovered her, she’d attacked it, and if she was as surrounded as she thought, this was a bad place to be incapacitated.
She got to her hands and knees, trying to urge herself to move faster. The pistol was still in her hand and she started to crawl away from the scene. It took her a moment to realize that she was hearing more of those dragon sounds - voices? - and they carried a note of alarm.
She got her feet under her and spared a glance back. Even with the fireworks it was too dark to make out details, but the dragon she’d shot was down. Others were moving closer.
Nancy wasn’t immediately sure how many rounds she’d fired. Five, maybe. She stuffed the pistol back in its holster and started to transition to her rifle as the crowd started to circle and close on her.
There was a purple flash brighter than the fireworks and an accompanying pop . The light revealed two new figures, who seemed to have appeared from thin air. One looked like a relatively svelte dragon, the other was different. A steady light appeared just above it, finally bringing useable illumination to the area.
This newcomer appeared to be a horse. Finally, something Nancy recognized that her brain didn’t have to second-guess. Though, maybe she was wrong about that because the horse was purple and it spoke.
Whatever it said was added to by the dragon standing beside it, and the other dragons all around seemed to start talking quickly, and at once. That didn’t stop them from enclosing Nancy, either, and some seemed to be pointing at her.
She was standing next to a dragon with at least two bullet holes in its face. Nancy turned to run. She didn’t know where she was going to go, or what she was going to have to face to get there, but it was better than being here.
She made it two steps before something resembling thick purple light slammed her to the ground.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Being under the purple cloud looked a little like being underwater. The difference being, there was no trouble breathing, but it was impossible for Nancy to move. It didn’t seem to have any weight to it, but if she tried to struggle, it sharply increased pressure on her.
Whatever the purple stuff was, it seemed to shimmer slightly and roughly held its shape while enveloping her. She didn’t think it was gelatin, either.
Panic forced Nancy to put her questions aside as heavy steps started to close in while she was pinned to the ground. She redoubled her efforts to struggle, but couldn’t even move, much less fight.
She was suddenly jerked upright, though still spread-eagle. The horse and the dragon accompanying it had approached. Though, as Nancy’s eyes focused, she realized a horn on the horse’s head was enveloped in a similar purple glow. A unicorn? Sure, why not, she’d already seen dragons. Though, she also belatedly realized it had wings. A pegasus was different than a unicorn, but Nancy wasn’t sure if there was a word for a combination of the two.
The lithe blue dragon next to the winged unicorn seemed smaller of stature than most of the other dragons. Its wings were folded back and its arms - forelegs? - were crossed in front of it.
The unicorn met Nancy’s eyes and said something. It raised a surprisingly articulated hoof and gestured between itself and her. It took her a second, but the meaning was clear.
“I don’t understand,” she said, adding a headshake for emphasis. She tried, “Who are you?” adding, “Como te llamas?”
The unicorn said something out of the side of its mouth to the dragon and then its horn flashed a little brighter. Though she was still having trouble wrapping her mind around it, seeing a unicorn opened Nancy up to the idea of magic. That would...not satisfactorily explain what was going on here, but at least gave her something to call it.
It seemed like the unicorn had performed some sort of spell. It spoke again, but this time came across in recognizable English with a light female voice. “Do you understand me now?”
“Yes!” Despite comprehension, Nancy realized the sounds hadn’t exactly matched the unicorn’s lip movements, and if she concentrated, she could still hear the actual horse voice below the translation. Was this magic?
“Good,” the unicorn said. “My name is Princess Twilight Sparkle. I’m the leader of Equestria.” She nodded to the dragon beside her. “This is Princess Ember, the leader of the Dragon Lands.”
“What did you do!?” the dragon named Ember broke in, voice also female but rougher, and definitely angry. She pointed back towards where the dead dragon lay. Nancy found herself turning in place to face that direction.
“It attacked me,” Nancy tried to explain.
“He . His name was Clump.”
“I thought he was going to kill me.” Nancy did her best to gesture downwards with her chin to her torn vest. “Look at these scratches.”
Princess Twilight did, Princess Ember did not. “He wouldn’t do that,” Ember retorted.
“He was a lot bigger and stronger than me. He grabbed me and I was trying to get away.”
“You’re trespassing on our land,” Princess Ember said. “He had every right to do that. What are you, anyway?”
That was a broad question. Nancy fumbled, and eventually went with “Human.”
Princess Twilight seemed to react to that, but Princess Ember went on, her voice, if anything, even angrier. “You came into our land and killed one of our dragons. Why ? What could you possibly be doing here?”
“I...don’t know,” Nancy was forced to admit. “I don’t know how I got here.”
The crowd of dragons had been getting tighter around them, and low, angry muttering seemed to be gaining volume.
Princess Twilight, to Ember, said, “We need to establish control of the scene of the incident and-”
“The crime scene’s right there!” Princess Ember pointed. “It seems pretty clear what happened!”
“Not at all,” Princes Twilight replied. “She doesn’t look capable of killing a dragon with her own strength, and I’m not sensing much magical ability. We haven’t examined the body for weapon usage. We haven’t talked to witnesses.”
“She did it!” one of the dragons shouted. The rest started to voice agreement.
“A lynching isn’t justice,” Princess Twilight protested.
“She’s ours to deal with,” Princess Ember argued, pointing at Nancy. “Give her to me.”
Princess Twilight’s tone changed. “Equestria is mine to deal with. Ember, you remember the agreements as part of our confederation. There’s a process that needs to be followed. But, as this occured in the Dragon Lands, I promise that you’ll be involved.”
Nancy only caught about half of that, but took it to mean that apparently this unicorn had a legal system that involved due process. The dragon, Princess Ember, still looked furious, but said, “Fine, but we’ll make sure we get our justice.”
That seemed to be the end of the confrontation, but Nancy was still bound with what she was quickly rationalizing as magic and not thinking too hard about it. Though, that didn’t change her sudden additional spike of fear as she was lifted and carried away.
“You’re going to need to come with me,” said the purple Princess Twilight Sparkle. “There’s going to be a lot we need to discuss.” She turned her head. “Spike? Where are you?”
“Right here,” a young-sounding male voice responded, a dragon very short in stature trotting up beside the princess. He glanced over his shoulder at the scene before casting a wary glance at Nancy.
She also noticed other dragons drawing closer, but to her surprise, some of them began to remove costumes, showing that they were actually horses underneath.
“Twilight, did that really just happen?” asked a multicolored one with wings but without a horn. “This is not the kind of excitement and danger I expected from the Combined Costume Convention in the Dragon Lands.”
“Let’s not say too much in front of an accused murderer and possible alien,” Princess Twilight replied.
Everyone looked at Nancy again. They were all various bright colors, and seemed to have about a one-third each distribution of wings and horns, except for Princess Twilight who had both. Maybe that was why she was the Princess. Some had neither.
After the group walked for a few minutes, Nancy floating along like a balloon but still unable to move, they rounded an outcrop of rock and a train came into view. It looked like an old steam engine - and was pink - but it clearly sat on rails. Nancy realized this must have been the lights she saw earlier.
It was slightly jarring to go from magical naked, fur- or scale-covered creatures to a piece of familiar equipment. But if they apparently traveled by steam train, it said something about the technology they might have here. Wait, no, the two princesses had popped out of thin air. More magic?
Nancy was vaguely aware that she was going to have a quiet freakout when she finally got some time to herself. In the last twenty minutes or so, her walk in the desert had changed for the worse-than-she-could-have-imagined.
The princess ordered the train’s baggage car to be cleared and then floated Nancy through the door. Setting her down, finally, the unicorn cast a critical eye over her equipment. “Some of these are weapons, right?”
There was nothing Nancy could do to resist except grit her teeth as the purple light started to remove things from her person. The obvious accessories came off first. However, when the buttons on her camouflage blouse started to undo themselves, she finally protested, “Stop!”
Princess Twilight did, to her credit. Nancy quickly explained, “This is just clothing.”
“How do I know you don’t have something concealed? I have no idea what kind of alien technology you might have.” She turned. “Speaking of that, what are these?”
She picked up both the rifle and pistol with magic. Nancy winced. “That’s not safe.”
The princess faltered, but to her credit cautiously put them down on the floor of the train car and took a step back. “Make them safe.”
Nancy wondered if she should have said anything. But, it seemed like the magic had let her go. She flexed her fingers and measured the distance between her and the princess with her eyes. But no, she was trying her best to appear innocent here. Not to mention, the unicorn’s horn still glowed.
Carefully picking up each firearm, Nancy removed the magazines and extracted the chambered rounds, while doing her best to obscure the actual function and innards of the weapons. They were not complicated, and were both quite old designs in her own world, but that wasn’t the point. She tucked the ammunition back into her vest for safekeeping before stepping back again.
Something prickled at the back of her head and her bun suddenly fell apart. The hairpins that held it together floated away on another wisp of magic.
“You seem to have some modesty issues, but those clothes are going to have to come off before I’ll be convinced that you aren’t a threat,” said Princess Twilight. “Heads of state aren’t supposed to do interrogations themselves, but the Royal Guard is back in Canterlot and-”
She drew up short, shook her head, and then a pair of manacles popped into existence out of thin air. Using magic again, she shackled Nancy to a metal luggage rack. “I’ll be right back. We’re leaving ahead of schedule. I have to say goodbye, and hopefully start smoothing over this diplomatic incident you caused.”
She hopped out the open door of the baggage car. Nancy immediately tried to test the manacles, but they held fast. Slightly ironic the HOLD FAST sailor tattoos on her knuckles.
A few minutes passed and Nancy was already exploring perhaps figuring out a way to dismantle the luggage rack when Princess Twilight returned. She was with another horse who was orange, and wore a cowboy hat. The hat was the least weird thing Nancy had seen in the last few minutes and barely registered in her mind. They closed the door, and Nancy felt the train begin to move.
“This is my friend, Applejack,” Princess Twilight said, but did not elaborate. The two of them lay down, as horses did. With a wave of her hoof, the princess invited Nancy to sit. “Now, let’s get to the bottom of this. Who are you?”
“My name is Nancy Rodriguez, Petty Officer Second Class, United States Navy.” Not remembering her service number, she dug out her wallet which wasn’t easy with shackled hands. After reading the number off her ID card, she also stated her date of birth.
“I don’t know what any of that means,” Applejack stated flatly. Her voice had come through the translation with a trace of country.
“Is that some kind of prisoner-of-war ritual?” Princess Twilight asked Nancy.
“Am I a prisoner?”
“Well...yes.” The princess changed the subject. “But that’s just for now. Nancy, was it? We’re trying to make sure we understand the facts of this case. We have an all-night ride back to our capital city. Please tell me what happened.”
“Can I have a lawyer?”
“Why do you need that?”
“You’re accusing me of a crime.”
“But why do you need a lawyer?” Princess Twilight frowned. “Hmm, maybe you have a different kind of legal system.”
Now that she was fairly confident that she wasn’t going to be killed on the spot, Nancy clammed up. It was easy to put on a brave face to colorful talking horses, even if one of them did have some kind of superpower.
She’d already told her side of the story once, but even in this more relaxed setting there was not much additional detail to add.
When it became clear that she wasn’t going to talk about that line of questions, the princess started branching out into other topics.
“Where did you come from? What kind of world is it? What is all that equipment? What’s your special talent?”
Some of the questions Nancy knew the answer to, some of them she didn’t. She didn’t answer any of them and tried to impersonate a statue.
While Nancy wasn’t exactly a military prisoner here, she also had no idea what a magic horse would do with anything she said. Whenever she got home, she’d be incredibly AWOL, but at least she could say she had resisted interrogation.
At least thinking about the situation she was in and how she could possibly get out of it helped distract her from the one-sided conversation, even as it worried her.
After a few minutes of all questions and no answers, Applejack interrupted. She grumbled and got up. “My skills aren’t bein’ real helpful here. If she ain’t talkin’, she ain’t lyin’.” Turning, she headed into the next train car.
Princess Twilight let out a long sigh and looked at Nancy. “I really wish you would be more helpful. Why don’t you trust me?”
Nancy didn’t answer that, either. The princess shook her head. “I’ll be right back, and then we’ll begin again.” She got up and went into the other car.
Nancy had no idea what the princess might have meant by that. Enhanced interrogation? Was there a magic spell that might make her talk? Would the stripping continue?
A moment later, however, the baggage car’s window slid open and a slim dragon with black scales and a green underbelly slithered in. Nancy jumped up.
“They were here long enough,” he said. He interlaced his fingers - or whatever the correct anatomical term was - and Nancy heard what were apparently knuckles cracking. Every one of his digits had a long claw on it.
He started towards her. “Now, I’m going to make you pay for Clump.”
Chained as she was, there was no way she could run. Using the manacles on her wrists as an anchor, she threw her body into a kick, her steel-toed boots aimed at the dragon’s head.
He avoided it, but not by much. Juking a step backwards, he started towards her again, seemingly angrier than before. Nancy backed off this time, trying to use the luggage rack to distance herself, but aware that she was running out of room. He lunged at her again, jaws opening, but Nancy managed to get her chains in the way.
Though, she should have expected the dragon to breathe fire. He bit down harder on the steel in his teeth and lit it up with blue flames. The chain instantly started to glow and stretch in his bite, even if Nancy had manged to avoid getting her face in the line of fire, so to speak.
She fell backwards, pulling him down, and managed to get a kick to his gut that interrupted the fire briefly. However, now that she was on the floor, there was nowhere else to go. She was at least further away from the ceiling, which was now on fire.
The door slammed open and a now-familiar purple glow pulled the two of them apart.
“What is the meaning of this!? ” Princess Twilight’s voice had gone up an octave, and several magnitudes of intensity. While separating both Nancy and the dragon, she simultaneously did some sort of spell to extinguish the fire and opened windows to vent the train car.
The dragon spat, “I’m paying her back for what she did.”
“You realize you just admitted intent to the highest authority in the land?” The princess shook her head. She looked at Nancy. “There, do you trust me now? I just saved your life.”
“Whose life did you save?” Nancy said. She sat back against the wall. Her arms were splayed on the floor. The chain was broken, though the ends still glowed red-hot. Nancy’s hands were within a few feet of her guns.
In retrospect, maybe she shouldn’t have said that.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Princess Twilight turned out to be extremely thorough. By the time she was done, she’d even stripped the underwire out of Nancy’s bra. At least Nancy had her clothes back on before she was made to walk out of the train car when it stopped. At least she was allowed to walk, if only to an enclosed carriage right next to the train.
The carriage was both pulled by horses and seemingly guarded by them. They all wore metal armor. Two of them rode inside with Nancy. They watched her intently, but said nothing. That was fine with her.
Her hands were still manacled, but she was otherwise able to move between either side of the carriage to look out the windows. She was glad, too, because apparently these horses had made a society and she wasn’t going to miss seeing it. Though, if they had trains, it shouldn’t have surprised her that they had cities with cobblestone streets and multi-story buildings.
Everything was just a little - or perhaps a lot - more fantastical than she was expecting. Many pastel colors. There was a castle somehow clinging to the mountainside. She saw a pegasus fly past. Despite all that, it seemed amazing how many things looked roughly similar to her own world, the train being the most obvious example.
By this point, Nancy had accepted, though not really internalized, the fact that she was a long way from home. An all-night interrogation by a talking purple horse would do that to you. At least she wasn’t hungry, having been given some snacks on the train. There was no way she was relaxed enough to sleep.
Aside from the carriage Nancy was in, the dragon who’d stowed away on the train and subsequently been captured had been shackled and escorted to a different one. Princess Twilight and her entourage rode in a much nicer carriage that even appeared to be gilded.
She noticed the road seemed to be rising above the city, and realized that they were going to the castle. She pressed her face against the window to get a better look at it, though belatedly realized that if they were taking her there, there was a high likelihood that she was going to the dungeon.
The carriage climbed the hill and up to the front gates of the castle. It was made of some sort of white stone, with a lot of gilding and stained glass. Nancy almost found herself excited, though as it turned out, yes, she was destined for the dungeon.
Princes Twilight made an appearance as Nancy was being led down into the stone passageways. One of the armored keepers escorting her asked, "Princess, what did this prisoner do to be brought in by you personally?"
“She’s accused of killing a dragon.”
That got the guards’ attention, and Nancy noticed a distinct change in their attitude. While she didn't know exactly what each gesture meant, she had begun to notice that horse ears were very expressive.
They - carefully - escorted her to a cell. At some point, the stone of the castle had given away to raw rock cut into the depths of the mountain. A room large enough for a bed had been hollowed out and blocked off with iron bars. The guards opened the door to let Nancy in, locked it behind her, and then had her stick her hands out through the bars to take the chains off.
They left her alone, then. When they were out of sight, Nancy collapsed on the bed and had the quiet personal freakout she'd suspected was coming. Considering the situation, she thought she'd held things together pretty well up until this point, However, the uncertainty of what would happen next was even worse than what had already happened to her. Magic horses, dragons that wanted her dead, AWOL, and no obvious way of going home. Maybe there was a spell for that, but it seemed silly to pin her hopes on magic, not to mention she might still be facing charges. Probably from her own people, too. How was she going to explain this?
She heard approaching hooves on the stone floor. Getting her face composed, Nancy sat up on the bed. A horse with a waistcoat, mustache, and monocle stopped in front of her cell. “Good day to you. Princess Twilight Sparkle has informed me that you wished to speak to a lawyer and asked me to meet with you. My name is Fancypants.”
The few names Nancy had heard so far seemed ridiculous, but this took the cake.
He frowned slightly at her attempt to hide a giggle. “I apologize if I am mistaken.”
“No, I'm sorry. Maybe it’s just the translation magic. This horse world is keeping me off balance.”
“Rather, Equestria is a land of ponies,” he corrected.
“Oh, I didn’t know the difference. I grew up in a city.”
Fancypants brushed it off. “Well, that’s quite alright, so did I. Now, before we have another surprise conversational twist, may I ask your name?”
“Nancy Rodriguez.”
“Hmm.” He seemed to ponder it, looking her up and down as well as he could between the bars. His eyes lingered on her largest tattoo, which was on her forearm and depicted a robot with a cigar. “I say, is that an emblem of your people?”
If anything, it would be the uniform, or maybe more specifically the patch depicting her Surface Warfare qualification she’d earned aboard her ship. “No, this is something I had tattooed on just because I liked it. It’s a character from a cartoon I watched. His name is Bender.”
Whether Fancypants internalized that or not, she didn’t know. He said, “I thought it might have been a cutie mark.”
“A what?”
He turned slightly and indicated the image of three crowns on his hip. Nancy had noticed similar things on other horse-er, ponies, but had not asked.
“It’s a symbol of one’s own special talent,” Fancypants said. “A rather unique trait to ponies.” He turned back to face her. “And speaking of my talents, that is why I am here. Princess Twilight said that you would like to speak to a lawyer.”
“Did the princess tell you why I’m here?” Nancy asked.
“She did not.” Fancypants looked somewhat uncomfortable. Nancy suddenly understood. She was literally an alien, and locked in a clammy dungeon at that.
“I was...accused of killing a dragon. I’m not sure what's going to happen next. I don’t know anything about Equestria’s legal system.”
“Well, I have not had many brushes with criminal law myself, but I may be able to explain it to you.”
“Wait, you’re not a criminal lawyer?”
“I should say not!” His brows knit. “Or...wait a moment, are you perhaps under the impression that there are lawyers who specialize in criminal law?”
“There aren’t?” It was just another misunderstanding in what was beginning to be a pattern.
They talked for a few more minutes. Fancypants explained what he could. The impression Nancy got was that Equestria's laws were comparatively simple and common sense-based, and in the end everything came down to “the princess said so.” It was enough to make a human’s head spin.
She thanked him for his time. “It was good to talk to someone else. I wasn’t sure how much more Princess Twilight was going to put up with me.”
“She’s a nice mare,” Fancypants said, “but I will caution you not to trifle with her. She earned her position honestly.”
“Is that the whole horn and wings thing?”
“She earned being an alicorn, too.”
Nancy didn’t know how that worked, or how to even phrase the question.
Fancypants departed and Nancy sat on the bed again. It was a little chilly in the dungeon, so she rolled her sleeves down.
She lay back. Now that she was alone and lying horizontal, her eyes were getting heavy. The torches outside the cell still burned, however. There was no way of telling the time, even if her watch hadn’t been confiscated. Her phone had already run out of battery when it was taken.
Princess Twilight may not have understood the human technology exactly, but she had been very careful and thorough to ensure Nancy didn’t have anything she could use to escape. Though, maybe Nancy shouldn’t read too much into a species that thought digital watches were a pretty neat idea.
She thought about the dragon who had also been taken into custody. His name was apparently Charcoal. He was also probably in the dungeon somewhere.
Nancy wondered if there was a stronger case against him than her. Evidence wise, certainly. But in Equestria, was an attempted murder worse than an actually carried out self-defense?
Fancypants had explained that the Dragon Lands were among several semi-autonomous regions of Equestria. There were regional leaders, such as Princess Ember, but ultimately the closest thing to a central government lay with the princess who lived in Canterlot. It had been dark, but Nancy hadn’t seen the dragons living in anything that resembled a city. Maybe Princess Ember wasn’t even able to hold a court, even if she had been willing to rather than just lynching Nancy.
She stared at the ceiling and wondered if there was a magic spell to get her a JAG lawyer.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Nancy woke up in what was probably the morning to a tapping on the bars of her cell. A guard was there.
“Dietary restrictions?“ he asked.
Despite the day before, it still took Nancy a moment to reconcile a talking pony in her slowmoving sleepy mind. “No.“
The guard held up a tray with a bowl of oatmeal, an apple, and a glass of water. That seemed like a reasonable breakfast. As Nancy accepted it, she asked, “Ponies are herbivores, right?” That seemed obvious to her, but she’d already decided to take nothing for granted.
“That’s right.”
“I can eat this, but I don’t have the right digestive system for everything you eat.”
“We have an omnivore menu.”
“Oh, thanks.”
He left her alone and she ate breakfast. The oatmeal was bland, but, well, it was prison. On the other hand, the apple was one of the best she'd ever had.
The guard was back in a few minutes and Nancy gave him back the tray. He started to turn, but then paused. “Where’s the spoon?”
Nancy handed it back. He gave her a look and then walked away.
Nancy turned to pace the cell. A few minutes passed slowly, and she was just starting to come to terms with the fact that she might have to spend the entire day with nothing to do but stare at the walls, when four guards walked up to her cell.
“You’re going to take a shower,” said one.
Apprehensive, Nancy let them put the cuffs on her and then they unlocked the cell door.
It was slightly amusing to her to be escorted by four magical ponies. Well, maybe not all of them. Only two were unicorns. They took her a little deeper into the dungeon and turned a corner. Surprisingly, there appeared to be a fairly normal shower, with curtain and everything. It was carved out of solid rock, and appeared to have a cork in the ceiling rather than a spray head, but it was recognizable. Ponies being built horizontally, it was even a little roomy for a human.
Nancy turned. They were all staring at her. “Can I have a little privacy?”
That actually drew a few blushes. Somehow - it didn't make any sense with hairy faces. They turned away. Nancy got undressed. There was no place to hang clothes. Most ponies didn’t wear any. She just folded them. The floor looked a lot cleaner than expected for a dungeon.
Stepping into the shower, she pulled the curtain and then popped the cork out of the ceiling.
She screamed in surprise at the deluge of icy water. From outside the curtain, it sounded like a couple of the guards chuckled.
There was a bar of soap in a cleft on the wall, and Nancy plugged the water again while soaping up. Saving water was familiar to her after living on a ship, but for a very different reason. She reluctantly pulled the cork again to rinse.
Stepping out, one of the guards offered her a towel, which was much fluffier than Nancy expected. Well, it was the castle dungeon after all. She dried and got redressed, wishing she could have washed the clothes or at least the undergarments. At least she wasn’t sweating much in the dungeon.
As the guards returned her to her cell, Nancy asked, “Can I have a book or something? Something to pass the time?”
“The princess said something about a translation spell. It doesn’t work on text. Can you read Equestrian?” asked one of the guards.
“You have a magic spell to instantly translate speech, but not one for books?”
“Maybe there is, but I don't know it.” He shrugged. “If you can’t read, we’ll come up with something else.”
One of the guards found a pack of playing cards and gave it to her as they returned her to her cell. Surprising Nancy, they seemed to be exactly the same fifty two deck she was used to. Granted, she didn’t recognize anything between Jack and Ace, but the rest were straightforward. At least that made it a little easier to play Solitaire when she didn’t know the difference between the face cards which effectively made them interchangeable.
That was all her entertainment until lunch. For the meal, a guard served her rice and beans with mixed vegetables.
“Do you have time to teach me a game?” she asked, handing the tray back when she was finished and holding up the cards. “This place doesn’t seem too busy. How many prisoners are there?”
“I’m not at liberty to say,” he deflected smoothly. “Where’s your spoon?”
Nancy handed it over. He gave her a look. She couldn’t tell if it was the same guard from breakfast or if word had just gotten around. The guards she had seen so far all seemed to be identical. Nancy wasn’t really an expert on recognizing ponies by their faces, and all the guards in this place wore identical armor and seemed to be colored the same.
She was about to settle into yet another game of Solitaire when another pony arrived. This one was pale with a brown mane and tail. The cutie mark, as they were supposedly called, seemed to be an old fashioned quill and a container of ink. This pony wore glasses and a collar with a red tie, which seemed out of place because they wasn’t wearing anything else.
“Good afternoon,” she said. “My name is Raven Inkwell. Princess Twilight sent me to gather a few details from you.”
Nancy gestured to the bars. “I would invite you in, but…”
Raven looked at a clipboard she carried. “Do you have any health concerns?”
Nancy - probably - hadn’t been exposed to coronavirus before leaving the ship. But who could say what might pass between her and an alien species. These were clearly not the same as horses or ponies from her home. “Not that I know of.”
“What’s your special talent?”
“I don’t know if I have one.”
Raven’s lips quirked around her pen. It was really remarkable how she was apparently writing legibly with her mouth and also speaking.
“Where did you come from?” Raven asked.
“The United States.”
“What kind of world is it?”
“It’s a country.”
“Part of a wider world?”
“These are starting to sound like the questions the princess already asked me.”
“Correct, the questions you didn’t answer. Why not?”
“I’m not required to.”
“Something about…” Raven flipped a page “...the Geneva Convention?”
“Right.”
“What’s that?”
Many of the questions and answers were repetitive from the night before, but at least Raven didn’t pry on any of them, only recording the exact reply. Nancy was unsure the reason for the conversation - Princess Twilight had written them down, too. Maybe if the princess was the kind of person who kept obsessive records, she just wanted a second copy.
“How long is this going to take?” Nancy asked.
“Princess Twilight is a very busy mare. She needs to weigh the evidence and decide whether charges are warranted, and if so, subsequent court procedures. This is complicated by having no recent comparable cases for reference, and is on top of research into just what you are and where you came from, not to mention her usual duties running the country.”
“Aren’t there judges or somebody who could do it? I know the princess is involved just because she happened to be there, but like you said, she has a country to run.” Nancy wasn’t sure if personal attention from the princess would help or hurt her case, but was more concerned about getting out of here as soon as possible.
“She delegates occasionally. That’s why I’m here,” Raven replied.
“I don’t know if you can sympathize. I’m in the wrong world and regardless of how, I really need to get this settled as soon as possible. People are going to be looking for me. I know investigations and bureaucracy take time even when there isn’t so much else going on. Do you...do you have even an outside estimate on when this process is going to move forward?”
Raven frowned and looked at her clipboard. “The princess might be ready tomorrow.”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
“You’re going to see the princess this evening,” the guard told Nancy as he passed her a tray of breakfast.
“Do you know what’s going to happen?” she asked.
He shook his head.
There was no spoon today. Instead, the oatmeal was thinner and drinkable.
If she was going to see the princess, Nancy wondered - hoped - that it was good news. If not, she was a little disappointed that she hadn’t managed to escape, but to be fair, she probably wasn’t going to dig out of the dungeon with just a spoon.
She did her best with the shower and grooming, though still had nothing else to wear. It was also going to be a long day, just sitting around and waiting to see what the princess would say.
She played more Solitaire, and even briefly got a guard to play War with her.
“Are there any other games?” Attempting a joke, she added, “Dungeons and Dragons?”
“What?”
Was she really going to attempt to explain a role playing game that she herself had never actually played? “Never mind.”
That evening - presumably it was evening, there was no way for Nancy to tell time - Raven appeared and the guards let Nancy out of the cell.
“We’re going upstairs,” Raven said.
She led the way, with the four guards as usual surrounding Nancy. They’d only shackled her hands again, and she again considered escape, but decided that she probably couldn’t outrun a pony, and definitely not a pegasus. Not to mention, even if she could find her way out of the castle, she would still be in the middle of Canterlot.
Looking for something to distract herself, Nancy’s eyes fell on Raven’s hindquarters as she led the group. Nancy quickly looked away again, face flushing. The stallions beside her, were, if anything, even more visible.
Most ponies she’d met were naked, or wearing something minimal. Even Fancypants ironically was not wearing pants of any kind. It seemed like the only pair of trousers in the whole country were belted around Nancy’s own waist.
The divide between the dungeons and the castle was a heavy iron door with more guards. It also marked a sharp transition, leaving behind the bare rocks in favor of deep carpets and gold-plated everything.
Nancy immediately felt that she was wearing the wrong uniform. Maybe she wasn’t even issued a uniform that was dressy enough.
She wasn’t taken on a tour of the castle, but saw plenty of it on the way from the dungeon to an upper floor. The staircase was circular - were they inside a tower? Even in the situation, Nancy couldn’t help but be a little excited by that. She’d never been one to particularly appreciate buildings, but part of the reason she’d joined the Navy was to see the world, even if this particular world had come as a surprise.
They came to the fanciest door Nancy had seen so far. Raven knocked, and then opened it.
It was the top of the tower, a wide, circular room. The walls were filled with bookshelves. There was a bed, a desk, and a fireplace, among dozens of other details filling the room that Nancy’s eyes were pinballing to take in.
The princess herself was out on the balcony when the group entered. Her horn was glowing and the sun beyond her was setting - visibly sinking towards the horizon even as Nancy watched.
Princess Twilight’s attention was only pulled from the sun when she turned to greet the group as they walked in. “Thank you for coming.”
The sun paused .
She turned back and her horn lit up again. The sun completed its setting. Stepping a little further out on the balcony, she kept at whatever spell she was doing. The guards had walked Nancy to an angle where she could see the moon rising, just as quickly as the sun had gone down.
“What the fuck,” she whispered under her breath.
Princess Twilight finished up and came in from the balcony. She gestured to a sitting area. Nancy had been so distracted that she hadn’t realized until that moment that Princess Ember was already there.
The guards stepped back. Raven nodded to Nancy and she approached the two couches. The two Princesses sat on one.
Princess Ember was looking about as sour as she had the last time Nancy had seen her, but maybe that was because Nancy didn’t even have a good handle yet on pony facial expressions, much less knowledge about dragons.
She made eye contact with Ember, and immediately wished she hadn’t. Ember glared, and reached into a candy dish on the coffee table. There appeared to be candy in it, but also objects that almost looked like huge gemstones, though Nancy discounted that as unlikely. Ember put one in her mouth and it crunched loudly. Even if it was some kind of sugar crystal, the jaw strength to do that must have been impressive.
“Have a seat,” said Princess Twilight. Nancy did, though made room for Raven to also sit. She had her clipboard, and appeared poised to take notes.
Princess Twilight paused for a moment, and then said, “I’ve never presided over a case quite like this one before. Fortunately, Equestria has an excellent living history, and I was able to come to a decision.”
She didn’t pause for dramatic effect, but Nancy was so on edge that the next instant felt like an eternity.
“I have decided that no charges will be filed.”
Nancy let out a breath. “Am I free to go?”
“You are, but-”
“Can I have all my stuff back? I’ll be in trouble if I lose it.”
“You’re going to give her weapons back?” Princess Ember burst out. She’d apparently been prepared for Princess Twilight’s verdict, but not for this.
“While I am somewhat uncomfortable with the implications of advanced, rapid-fire projectile technology-”
“She killed a dragon with them! It’s too dangerous!”
Princess Twilight turned. “Ember, you and I are dangerous.”
Well, Nancy had to agree there.
The princess went on. “And as I said, I am somewhat uncomfortable with weapons in Equestria. At the same time, there’s not a shred of magic in Ms. Rodriguez’s body, so she’s what amounts to an ape with a pair of powerful slingshots - with limited ammunition. Not only that, she’s a foreign government presence here through no fault of her own and we’ve already inconvenienced her quite enough.”
Diplomatic immunity was not quite what Nancy had expected - nor was she technically getting it here - but that was better than some alternatives.
“But what about Clump, who she killed ?” Princess Ember spat. A puff of smoke came out of her nostrils.
“Our investigation discovered that Mr. Clump had a habit of unthinkingly threatening people. While we assigned no fault to the incident, that may have been a contributing factor. Nonetheless, his death is tragic. But if you’d like to debate justifiable death further, we need only move on to our next case.”
Princess Twilight looked at one of the guards. “Please take Ms. Rodriguez to a guest bedroom and bring in Mr. Charcoal.”
Nancy followed the contingent of guards out of the room, but could practically feel Princess Ember’s glare boring into the back of her head.
On the stairs, they met Charcoal and his own quartet of armored guards. Surrounded, and being taken to meet the Princesses, he seemed a shade of the dragon who'd tried to kill her on the train. Nancy caught his eye as he was led past her. He looked terrified.
While Nancy was sure she was on the right side here, a little bit of guilt had begun to creep into the back of her mind. What if Clump meant no harm? If she hadn’t killed him, then Charcoal wouldn’t have attempted murder.
Fairy tales always seemed so simple. Slay the dragon. But the dragon had a family and friends and the legal system frowns on killing either way.
Nancy could actually see Princess Ember’s point, that a foreigner had wandered in and killed a citizen, but that didn’t mean she was going to go back and insist on being punished. Between the two princesses arguing, it felt like she was being fought over, and she’d had about enough of that between her divorced parents.
She had so much on her mind that she almost missed the guards take a different turn at the bottom of the tower, leading her in a different direction from the dungeon. Down a new hallway, they came to a door. Opening it, the guards showed her in.
It was a more modest bedroom than the one atop the tower, but aside from that one, it was nicer than any other Nancy had ever seen. A fireplace, a four-poster bed, carpets, tapestries. This was the guest bedroom?
Three of the guards had already turned away. The one that stayed, a unicorn stallion, pointed a few things out. “The bathroom is behind that door. The maid service should be by in the morning. You aren’t magical, right? Let me show you how to work the light crystals.”
“Thank you for everything,” Nancy said. She was really getting mood whiplash this evening. Just the innocent verdict was all she had been hoping to receive. Upgrading all the way to a plush room in the castle was making her head spin.
“No problem.” He turned to the door, but paused. “My name’s Charming Cavalier, by the way. You can call me Cav.”
Cavalry because he was a horse. Nancy kept that thought to herself.
She introduced herself and reflexively went for a handshake before pulling up short at the obvious incompatibility. He raised a hoof though and she awkwardly bumped it with a fist.
“I don’t have a whole lot of interactions with sailors in Canterlot,” Cav said. “I don’t know what your country’s rank structure is like, either, but if you’re a Petty Officer and I’m a Sergeant, that’s close, right?”
“Sounds right,” Nancy agreed.
It was slightly remarkable the change in attitude among the ponies now that the Princess had given Nancy her freedom. They didn't hold a grudge. Then again, it wasn't a pony that she'd shot in the face.
Cav bid her goodnight and started to close the door as he left. Nancy called him back. “Are you sure this is alright?“
“What do you mean?“
“Well...“ she gestured to the room. “I'm not sure if I should be looking this gift hor-uh, questioning this, but it seems a little much? You don't live like this, do you?“
“I actually do live in the castle, but that's because I'm in the bachelor quarters. Saves a few bits that way.“ Cav considered it. “I mean, if you're really sure, I can ask about getting you a bunk there instead.“
“I'm trying not to ask for too much, but is it an upgrade from the dungeon?“
“Definitely.“
“Then please.“
Maybe this was some kind of self-penance. Nancy still felt a little guilty. She was going to have to figure it out herself, though, because none of these ponies seemed Catholic. Not that she would have discussed this with a priest, either.
Cav told her to wait and went to check on the bunking situation. Nancy spent several minutes examining the apparently-magical lighting crystals, turning them on and off and adjusting the brightness. It was one thing to see magic, it was another to, well, play with it.
That was also a few minutes that she didn’t have to spend thinking about what came next. She’d passed one hurdle of getting out of prison, but had no idea what came next. There was still a big question mark about how she was getting back to her own planet.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Nancy woke up in the morning on the bottom bunk of a small room in the rear of the castle. The sheets were basic, but smooth. There were two footlockers and a mirror opposite the bed. There was a window, but it faced a wall of rock as the mountain continued its slope above the castle, which definitely kept direct sunlight out and kept the stone walls cold.
But only one roommate and access to a window? It was already better than the ship. Still, with the benefit of hindsight, Nancy thought maybe she shouldn’t have been so hasty to turn down the much nicer room.
She realized that it was a voice that had awakened her. “Five minutes to inspection! ”
Nancy got out of bed. Standing up, she saw the top bunk was empty. It was clear that someone occupied this space, but they weren’t here now. The bed was neatly made, but a couple of photos were taped to the wall.
After making her own bed as well as she could, Nancy put on her boots and then buttoned up her blouse. She’d slept in everything else, because she didn’t have much of a choice.
Her weapons and equipment had been returned and were now locked in one of the footlockers. Nothing seemed to have been done to them, though Nancy had already checked everything thoroughly.
She put her hair up. Her phone was dead, so she left it, but picked up everything else that usually went in her pockets. After that, she opened the door.
The corridor was slowly filling with ponies in polished armor, all standing near their respective barracks room doors. This felt a little like morning inspections at boot camp. Nancy instinctively folded her hands behind her back in parade rest.
A few of the pony soldiers were talking in low voices, but conversation abruptly stopped at the sight of Nancy.
“Good morning,” she said.
There was a silence, a quick flurry of whispers, and then one of them asked, “Wait, are you Cav’s girlfriend?”
Before she had to come up with a response to that, someone down the hall called “Atten-hut !”
That wasn’t the exact wording Nancy was used to, but the meaning was clear. She heard a multitude of hooves clack on the floor. She brought her heels together and her hands to her sides.
A pegasus stallion in armor strode down the corridor, glancing into rooms and at soldiers’ uniforms. Every so often, he would comment about something that needed correction. They were the castle guards, after all, coming into daily contact with the head of state, so everything had to be perfect. Nancy had never served in that kind of duty before, but had heard about it.
The inspector stopped in front of Nancy. This was Captain Flash Magnus. She’d met him the night before, and he had approved her billeting.
When explaining her situation, he’d reassured her that he understood, because he was some kind of time traveler, as well as Nancy comprehended what he was saying.
“You have a loose thread on your pocket,” he said. “I don’t care if it happened while you were fighting dragons, if you’re staying the castle, you need to look your best.”
His tone was not condescending, but it still caught Nancy off guard. She also wasn’t sure why he seemed to have raised his voice when saying it. Did he want everyone to know? Well, maybe.
“Yes sir, I’ll fix it.”
The captain continued on, wrapping up the inspection in another few minutes. Once he released everyone, Nancy pulled out her multitool to cut off the offending string. She should really figure out how to get her uniform washed, too.
A couple of the nearby ponies came over. It seemed like they were occupying the rooms to either side of Nancy. A stallion, Silver Gauntlet, and a mare, Morningstar, introduced themselves. Nancy replied in kind, using her full title and designation because those questions were bound to come up eventually anyway.
“United States? I haven’t heard of it,” said Silver.
“It’s on a different planet.”
They seemed to take the news with only a little eyebrow-raising. Nancy supposed that if their captain was a time traveler, the news that their room neighbor was an alien wasn't really earth-shattering.
She repeated what Captain Magnus had decided. “I’m here to be a foreign embedded liaison.”
Granting her an official position - even if it had just been created on the spot from thin air - allowed the government to house and pay Nancy for services rendered. Whatever those services turned out to be. Nothing at the moment. She was certainly grateful for the favor, even though this was going to be a pain to report on her taxes as outside employment.
“So you’re Patina’s new roommate,” said Morningstar.
Nancy had been told that she would be moving in with a mare named Patina Polish. “I guess so, but I haven’t met her yet. She’s on the night shift.”
“So are all of our roommates,” Silver said. “I’m sure you’ll meet eventually.”
Everyone around them seemed to be heading in the same direction down the hallway. As the official US Navy foreign embedded liaison to the Equestria Royal Guard Canterlot unit, Nancy didn’t have any actual duties, however, she decided to go along with the group for lack of anything else to do. Happily, it turned out that everyone was going to breakfast.
The decor might change, but mess halls generally looked the same regardless of the planet. Nancy stuck close to Silver and Morningstar, because she still couldn’t read the language. A couple of the food items were obvious, but some were not. Nancy didn’t think hay was good for her. Instead, she just went with a plate of scrambled eggs. She wasn’t sure that was good for ponies, but who knew what kind of digestion magical creatures from another planet had.
The three of them had a seat after getting food. Nancy tried her breakfast. It was good. Great, even. Maybe this gig, however temporary, wouldn't be so bad.
“So what was this about you fighting dragons?” Silver asked.
“I’m not sure if I’m supposed to talk about it,” Nancy said honestly.
Either way, she wasn’t going to get a chance. She spotted Charming Cavalier coming across the room. However, Raven Inkwell appeared just then and reached the table first. “Ms. Rodriguez? Could you please come with me?”
Nancy was just about finished, so hurried up her last few bites. She dropped off her used dishes at the scullery and followed Raven.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
Author's Note
Quick audience poll, how dark are you willing to let this story get?
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Up a castle tower, Raven led Nancy into a room that appeared to be part junk shop and part laboratory. Raven introduced her to a stallion who seemed to have been waiting for them, but still not really prepared. He was a unicorn who wore large glasses and a cape. His name was Sunburst.
“As the royal researcher, it took quite a bit of convincing for Princess Twilight to entrust magical problem solving to me,” Sunburst said. “Before she was Princess, she was quite the researcher herself, and getting her to delegate has been a challenge a lot of us have faced.”
A head of state being personally involved in deciding whether to file charges? Yeah, Nancy could see it.
Raven excused herself and Sunburst invited Nancy deeper into the cluttered workspace. He pulled out a book and spread it open on a table. “This is a journal we can use to communicate with the human world. There’s a pony over there named Sunset Shimmer who has an identical journal, so whatever is written in one appears in the other.”
“There’s a pony in the human world?”
Sunburst waved a hoof. “Long story. I’ll tell it to you later if you want, but Princess Twilight emphasized that you should be returned back to your world as soon as possible.”
“I would appreciate it.”
Sunburst picked up a quill, dabbed some ink, and wrote a line in the journal. “This may take a while for her to reply, if she isn’t nearby.” Though, within ten seconds, new writing appeared on the page. “Ah, excellent.”
“I can’t read this,” Nancy said.
“Oh, they didn’t do some kind of text translation spell? Well, that’s a little more complicated than the speech translation, because if you’re talking to somepony it’s relatively easy to dial in the intent, but you don’t get that with a printed page. It has to do with Starswirl’s…” Sunburst shook his head. “Sorry. Could you please get that green book over by the window while I explain what’s going on to Sunset?”
Nancy walked over and found the book he was talking about. She picked it up, realizing that it was likely some kind of spell book. It was slightly amazing that after a few days in this world, there were still little things like that which made her giddy like a little girl. A magic spellbook.
She brought it back to Sunburst and he flipped it open, browsing through a couple of pages. “Okay, here it is. Give me a few minutes.”
He focused on the page, eyes squinting. His horn lit up. This spell either required a lot of effort, or Sunburst was not a very powerful unicorn. Princess Twilight didn’t seem to exert much effort moving around the sun . Not that Nancy was in any position to be making judgement about unicorn power levels.
“Okay, and…” Sunburst let go of the spell. Nancy did not immediately notice anything different.
He held the journal up to her, and suddenly the text started to change. It was patchy, and only seemed to work exactly at the point her eyes were pointed, but began to resolve into something she recognized.
I’ll be waiting for her.
“We have a portal that connects to the human world,” Sunburst explained, for context to Sunset’s reply. “Due to the...well, you probably don’t care why, it connects from a mirror we have here in the castle to a statue at a school in the other world.”
“Where is this school?”
“It’s in Canterlot, just the alternate universe version.”
“What country is Canterlot in?”
“Pedestria.”
“Come again? I’ve never heard of that.”
Sunburst frowned. “Well, this might be a problem.”
“Maybe it’s just the translation?” Nancy suggested hopefully.
“Well, let’s find out. Are you ready to go?”
“If I’m leaving, I need to grab a few things.”
Nancy put her worries aside for the happier thoughts that she might back back on the right planet shortly. Sunburst accompanied her down to the Guard barracks. Based on the look on his face, Nancy thought he probably didn’t spend much time here.
The room was still empty. Nancy unlocked the footlocker she had been given and pulled out her gear. It took a few minutes to strap on everything. Sunburst eyed the weapons, but had either examined them already while Nancy was incarcerated or had no interest in nonmagical items.
Fully kitted, Nancy stopped by Captain Magnus’ office on the way out. The door was open, but she knocked on the frame. “Sir?”
He looked up, apparently not displeased about being pulled away from the paperwork on his desk. “What is it?”
“Mr. Sunburst here is going to work on sending me home. I wanted to let you know I was leaving and say goodbye, if this might be the last chance I have.”
“Well, good to meet you, however briefly. Best of luck.”
Having descended a tower with Sunburst, Nancy now climbed another. How many did the castle have? They came to a door that had two guards stationed outside. Nancy hadn’t spoken to either of them, but doubtless they knew who she was. They certainly knew who Sunburst was, and at his word, stood aside to open the door. The room beyond seemed to be built around a tall, oval mirror with a horseshoe motif.
“This is powered by the Friendship Journal,” Sunburst said. “Much better now. It used to be that this portal would only open every thirty moons.’
He wrote a quick line in the journal and Sunset replied. She was ready.
“Okay, let me just activate this. When you’re ready, just step through.”
Nancy wasn’t sure what she was expecting. The surface of the mirror might have rippled slightly.
“Um, I probably should have asked earlier, but you said this comes out on the other side at a school?”
“Yes, why?”
Nancy put her hands on her guns. “Uh…”
“Outside a school,” Sunburst clarified. “At any rate, Sunset is waiting with a change of clothes and one of those automobile things.”
“Okay.” Nancy took a breath, unsure what to say. “Well, I’ll be going now. Thanks for everything.”
“No problem. Visit again sometime!” Sunburst waved.
Nancy wasn’t sure if she should take him up on that. Maybe as a way to wiggle out of an AWOL charge. Though, did she really want to change the universe that much by telling all of humanity about a magic pony world on the other side of a portal?
She decided it was better not to think about it here, and stepped towards the mirror. Reaching out, the tips of her fingers passed through, feeling like nothing more than slightly thick air. As her face entered the mirror, there was a burst of color, and then she was through, stumbling out the other side into sunshine.
“Hi. Nancy?” There was a girl with two-toned red and yellow hair and a leather jacket standing there.
“Sunset Shimmer?”
“That’s me.” Sunset shook her hand. “Sounds like you’ve had quite a trip.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” Nancy looked around. Sure enough, it looked like they were in front of a school, standing next to a statue of a horse. “Where are we?”
“Canterlot, just like the one in Equestria. It’s sort of a parallel universe from Equestria.”
“Where is that in relation to the United States?”
“I’ve never heard of it.” Sunset glanced around. “We should probably talk somewhere else. Come on, let’s go.”
Nancy didn’t move. “This is the human world?”
“That’s right.”
Nancy looked around. She didn’t recognize any of the nearby cars. The buildings seemed to have colors that were just a little too saturated. Moreover, all the people within sight, including Sunset, didn’t look like any humans Nancy had ever seen. With the wide variety of colors, colors that should have been impossible, they looked like...ponies.
“I don’t think this is the right human world.”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Nancy sat slumped in Sunburst’s cluttered office, an untouched cup of coffee sitting on her side of the desk.
“The possibility of there being more than one human world was always there, but I had hoped the answer was as simple as being on the other side of the portal,” Sunburst said, simultaneously sipping coffee and flipping through two books at once on his side of the desk.
Nancy, too, had hoped it was that simple. She raised her head. “What do we do next?”
“I’m going to be honest...I don’t know. Without knowing how to connect to your world, or even how to find it, we have no way of knowing how long this is going to take. Princess Twilight had set you up with the military liaison position here on the chance that something like this would happen.”
“How many worlds are there?”
“Uh, well...clearly at least three.”
Nancy took a breath and sat up. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“At the moment, our options are magic and more magic. I’m open to ideas, though.”
“If you’re looking for a planet, maybe I could tell you about some of the local star constellations?”
“That might help. Though I’ll warn you, based on what you told me about your planet, Earth, I don’t think it functions on the same natural laws as ours. There’s a possibility that we won’t be able to locate it in a physical place, because it’s on a different plane of existence.”
“What if we tried looking for it from Pedestria?”
“It’s a possibility. I can ask Sunset.”
He gave Nancy a piece of paper and a quill. She took a little while to get used to writing that way and used far too much ink the first time she dipped the quill in the inkwell. It would have been much easier to use - oh, wait. She pulled out her pen.
From memory, she was only able to draw Orion’s Belt, Crux, and the Dippers, and knew there was a decent chance that she hadn’t made them accurate enough to be recognizable.
Sunburst looked at it, and then did a double-take. “These constellations...those are here .”
“Wait, what?”
Sunburst jumped up from his desk, rummaged around the office, and came back with a chart of constellations. “Does any of this look familiar?”
Sure enough, Nancy recognized the constellations she had named, plus others like Cassiopeia and Taurus whose names she had heard before but hadn’t been able to reproduce. “Yeah, these are at least roughly the same.”
Sunburst sat back at the desk and put his hooves together. “Okay, I’ve got a new theory. Equestria, Pedestria, and your world are all in the same location but in different parallel universes. We have a mirror portal to Pedestria, but are currently unaware of any connection to your world.”
“Maybe I accidentally stumbled on it in the desert?” Nancy said.
“Possible. Maybe it was a localized natural phenomenon that briefly bridged the gap. But even if this theorized bridge were a static location, and constantly open, I think it would be very difficult to locate now, yes?”
He was probably right, though Nancy wanted to immediately go looking.
“I think we should probably first investigate to see if this is true, and then work on building a portal or creating a spell that will send you back.” Sunburst waved a hoof. “Of course, this theory could be completely out the window if it turns out your planet is in a different place.”
“I thought you just said the stars were the same.”
“I mean, a different place in the sense that it’s far enough away that we don’t know about it, but close enough that the constellations appear similar enough. Even a lightyear or two would fit.”
Nancy wasn’t sure which possibility she personally preferred - the distance or the dimensional theory. Neither, frankly.
“I was just about to head home to Ponyville,” Sunburst said. “We have some resources there that could help us, so you may want to come along.”
Well, there was nothing keeping her in Canterlot. Still, Nancy felt that she ought to tell someone where she was going. She had the feeling the ponies might not react well to having her loose. It was good manners, if nothing else.
Sunburst said he would inform Princess Twilight and Nancy went back down to the barracks to tell Captain Magnus.
As before, she knocked on the doorframe and he looked up. “Sir, the portal didn’t go to the right human world. Now I’m on my way to Ponyville to help with additional research.”
“I was going to go there myself in a few days to do a site survey prior to the princess visiting,” he said. “If you have time, would you mind taking a look around town from a security perspective? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.”
“No problem, sir.”
Nancy headed to the front door. Sunburst wasn't there yet, so she spent a moment looking around the foyer. She was looking out a window towards an extravagant garden when she heard steps and saw Charming Cavalier approaching.
“You like the garden?“ he said.
“It looks nice.“ Nancy pointed out the window. “What's that statue?“
“A few years ago, three villains named Tirek, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow tried to take over Equestria.“
“And you...made a statue of them?“
“Oh no, that is them.“
“They're stone?“ Nancy looked out the window again. She couldn't identify two of the creatures, but the third appeared to be just a small pegasus. “Is that a kid?“
“I understand that filly was very conniving.“
“So you just petrified a kid and put her in the garden?“ Nancy was suddenly very glad Princess Twilight had taken her side.
Sunburst appeared just then. Nancy said a quick goodbye to Cav and followed Sunburst out the door.
“I met Raven on the way out,” Sunburst said. “She told me there was a line of accounting set up for you at the Equestrian National Bank. Why don’t we stop there on the way so you can get it sorted out?”
“A bank? How are they going to know it’s me?”
Sunburst just gestured at her.
Nancy rolled her eyes. “The only alien coming to open an account, of course.”
There was a carriage waiting. If they were going to a bank, Nancy figured she should leave her weapons inside, as long as they were out of sight and the doors would lock. She was supposed to be responsible for the two firearms that she'd checked out of the ship's armory for duty, and they'd already been separate from her too often.
They rode down the mountains and out into the streets of Canterlot. Nancy had gotten a brief look at the city before, but was now free to sightsee, aided somewhat by the context she had learned in the last few days.
At the bank, there wasn’t much to do. Everything already seemed to be in order.
“Here is your balance,” said the teller, pushing a piece of paper across the counter.
“How much is this?” Nancy asked, showing Sunburst.
“That’s…” he tilted his head back and forth ‘...call it a month’s pay. Actually yeah, I think they set you up with a monthly stipend.”
“How much should I take?”
“Well, you’ll need money for the train ticket. Not too much, though, bits are heavy. Plus, there’s a branch of the bank in Ponyville.”
Nancy asked the teller for one tenth of the money. It was given to her in a canvas bag filled with what were apparently gold coins. Surely they weren’t, though, or things would be really expensive.
The two of them rode the carriage to the train station and got tickets for Ponyville. Nancy examined the board, reading some of the other destinations. “This sounds a lot like the United States.”
“How so?”
“Baltimare, Manehattan, Las Pegasus...they all sound like horse puns on cities that exist back home.”
“Hmm, maybe that lends weight to the parallel universe theory.”
They boarded the train and got seats. Sunburst remarked, “I mostly research from Ponyville, where I live, but come into Canterlot once a week or so. You can stay with my wife and me tonight.”
Nancy wasn’t sure why she was surprised that he was married. Maybe because he seemed kind of geeky, or perhaps that while she’d been talking with ponies for days she still hadn’t really internalized them as being people with a society.
The train ride took a couple of hours. Nancy still hadn’t gotten around to setting her watch, but if the sun was controlled manually she wasn’t sure if the days here were all twenty four hours. She passed the time looking out the window. Everything seemed so green. Definitely better scenery than the Dragon Lands.
Based on the map of Equestria at the train station, Nancy had thought the trip would be longer. Either the map wasn’t to scale, or the Equestrian continent was smaller than she thought. Maybe, being a sailor, her sense of distance was off.
Ponyville was much different than Canterlot. Smaller, for one thing. The train station had just a single platform. The tallest building in town seemed to be a sparkling, purple castle, and Sunburst led Nancy that way.
“Wait, this is your house ?” she said.
He laughed. “Well, it’s part public library, part museum, part research lab, and yes, part residence.“
As they approached the front door, Nancy realized the building appeared to be one solid, uninterrupted crystal. “How did you build this?”
“It was a side effect of Princess Twilight’s ascension to alicornhood a few years ago.”
“So...magic?”
“Yes.”
Sunburst opened the door. A female voice called out, “Honey, is that you? ”
There came the sound of hooves and a pink unicorn appeared, wearing tall, stripey socks made from some kind of fluffy material. She immediately froze at the sight of Nancy, face flushing.
“Uh...uh, honey, this is a guest I brought with me,” Sunburst stammered. He, too, looked a little pink in the cheeks.
Nancy couldn’t figure out the sudden shift in attitude. She introduced herself. “Hi, I'm Nancy.”
“Starlight Glimmer.” The mare shifted her hooves. “I’ll...just be back in a moment.” She hurried away.
“Let me show you to the lab,” said Sunburst, quickly gesturing for Nancy to follow him.
“What was that all about?” she asked. “Also, do they sell those socks here?”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Inside the Ponyville castle, Sunburst showed Nancy a large table that appeared to be made of a single huge piece of crystal. “This is the Friendship Map. Princess Twilight and her friends used to use it to identify disharmony across Equestria. With a little tweaking, I’ve been able to use it for various magical purposes.”
“Does it also work as a table?” Nancy asked.
“It was originally the centerpiece of the room and used for meetings - a literal roundtable.” Sunburst chuckled, mostly to himself. “But the other functionality is much more interesting.”
His horn lit up, and after a moment the surface of the table flickered, a three dimensional map rising from it like a hologram. It took Nancy a moment, but she realized it must be Equestria, as it resembled the map at the train station.
“That’s cool,” she said.
“If I can make some slight adjustments to what it shows, I may be able to use it to search for alternate dimensions or take a wider view and look at the outer space surrounding this planet,” Sunburst explained. “We haven’t done anything quite to dramatic before, but Princess Twilight did manage to figure out most of the table’s functionality while she still lived here.”
“Well…” Nancy raised her magicless human hands. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help, I guess.”
“Hmm. Tell you what, why don’t you start with helping Starlight with dinner? Your presence might...help sooth the situation a little.” He flushed. “She can be pretty direct about things, and I did kind of surprise her with this, so you being around might remind her to take things a little more gently.”
There was no way Nancy wanted to get involved in someone else’s marriage, much less in this situation, but she also wanted to make sure Sunburst could do his work.
The castle wasn’t nearly the size of the one in Canterlot, more like the size of a very large house, and Nancy was able to follow the sound of hooves to the kitchen. Starlight Glimmer, now sockless, looked up as Nancy came in.
“Hi, um, can I help you with anything?”
It looked like Starlight was in the middle of making a salad. Without even looking at the counter, she used magic to lift an entire bundle of carrots up to a cutting board and diced them in seconds, a knife chopping down in rapid-fire like a machine gun.
“No, thank you,” Starlight said.
Nancy stood back and let her work, mildly curious to see how magic could speed up dinner. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot a little.
Starlight noticed her fidgeting. “Something on your mind?”
Nancy had been very careful with her remaining cigarettes, but had smoked her last one before getting on the train to Ponyville. Maybe withdrawal was part of it, but she also felt the awkwardness of a dead-end conversation.
Well, it couldn’t get worse, then. “Sorry if this is awkward to ask, but is there any way I could wash my clothes? It’s been almost a week and I was in the desert before that.”
Starlight’s look changed instantly. “Oh, that explains the smell. Sure, go ahead. Somehow this magic castle came with appliances.”
Until she mentioned it, Nancy hadn’t considered the thought, but in hindsight should have wondered if she was going to have to wait for her uniform to dry on a line or something. Ponies didn’t seem to be quite at the technology level of Earth.
The smell comment had caught her off guard. Ponies probably did have more sensitive noses. It was still embarrassing. Why hadn’t anyone else said anything? Did they just think it was how she normally smelled?
Starlight directed Nancy where to go, for a shower too, and gave her the okay to borrow a housecoat. The laundry room was the nicest-decorated that Nancy had ever seen, but other than that didn’t seem too unusual. She read the instructions on the detergent, stripped, and started the machine running.
The robe was, well, sized for a pony. At least that meant it wasn’t too small. Nancy wasn’t sure what to do with the things she wasn’t putting in the washing machine. None of the ponies wore shoes, most of them not even horseshoes, and the floor seemed spotless enough, so she just decided to go barefoot. She carried along her vest and weapons.
Nancy went across the hallway to the convenient bathroom. It was, other than being sized a little differently, apparently a normal bathroom. The water that came out of the shower faucet was, mercifully, warm.
She sniffed a couple of the bottles in the shower and used the one she liked the best to wash. She still didn’t relax - she hadn’t really relaxed since arriving in Equestria - but in a warm shower with no armed guards outside, this was as relaxed as she had gotten.
When she was done, Nancy found a spare towel, dried, and then put on the housecoat. Back in the dining area, Sunburst seemed to have finished up whatever he was doing and joined his wife. He seemed to have calmed her down, too. Dinner was ready, and though it was just salad, it was heavy on actual vegetables instead of just lettuce. The selection of dressing was also pretty choice.
While not everything Nancy had eaten in Equestria was to her taste, she did have to appreciate the apparent quality. Ponies seemed to have enough technology - or perhaps magic - to make food abundant, but not so much to make it mass-produced.
The three of them were nearly finished eating when suddenly there were several screams from outside.
Sunburst and Starlight jumped up. Nancy nearly fell off her chair, but got her hands around her rifle. The three of them headed for the windows at the front of the castle. Nancy could hear a faint rumbling sound.
Nancy was vaguely aware how she must look - barefoot, wet hair, too-large robe - but this was not the time to dwell on it. Out the window, she saw a few ponies running, away from an onrushing stampede of-
“Pigs?” Nancy said incredulously.
Sunburst and Starlight both relaxed. “Well, could have been worse,” Sunburst said.
“I really hope that wasn’t an accident in the school’s animal husbandry elective,” Starlight said, her tone suggesting that it was a significant possibility.
“That seems like a lot of pigs for a school,” Nancy observed.
“Well, they belong to Sweet Apple Acres, a farm outside town,” Starlight explained. “The kids just go to help out.”
“She’s being modest,” said Sunburst. “It’s also a big school. Students come from all over Equestria. She’s the principal.”
“So why do ponies raise pigs?” Nancy asked. “Are they like animals? They don’t talk, do they?”
“No, why would they?” Sunburst said. “Some ponies keep pigs to find truffles. The manure is also used in agriculture.”
Nancy decided not to ask about the possibility of carnitas.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
The castle in Ponyville was much smaller than the one in Canterlot, so the bedrooms were almost what Nancy would consider a normal size. Like the rest of the building, though, the walls and a lot of the furnishings seemed to be solid crystal, which made her all the more grateful for a decent mattress.
In the morning she got dressed, her clothes freshly washed and smelling much nicer than they did the day before and also better whenever they came out of the ship’s laundry.
Nancy joined Starlight and Sunburst for breakfast. She was still trying to figure out what was normal pony food and where it crossed over with food she was used to.
“I need to get going soon,” Starlight said around a mouthful of breakfast. “I have a feeling it’s going to be a busy day.”
“You wouldn’t want Nancy for any kind of guest lectures, would you?” said Sunburst.
“No,” Nancy and Starlight replied simultaneously.
They glanced at each other, and Starlight said, “At least not today. We have students from all over Equestria, not just ponies, and there’s enough of a menagerie to manage at the moment. Not to mention sorting out the pig incident from yesterday, if any students were involved, which is generally a high likelihood.”
Nancy had no idea what she would even talk to students about anyway. She wasn’t a recruiter.
Starlight left for work. Sunburst said he had things to do back in the room with the hologram table.
“I’ll work a few things out and hopefully that will get us started towards a solution to getting you home,” he said. “I’ll set up some spells, and if they require a heavy lift, I’ll have Starlight power them up when she gets back.”
“Do you mean magic?” Nancy asked.
Sunburst chuckled. “Don’t tell her I said this, but I’m kind of the brains and she’s the brawn.”
“Even as a school principal?”
“Well, with as many little incidents that happen, it certainly doesn’t hurt that Starlight is one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria.”
Nancy hadn’t known that, not that she would have been able to tell.
She left Sunburst to his work and headed for the front door. Outside, it was a sunny day. Nancy stood there for a moment, looking back and forth up and down the street. A couple of ponies walking by eyed her.
There seemed to be a building up in the hills outside town. At first, Nancy thought it must be another palace, but the place seemed more rectangular and practical, or at least as pragmatic as any building could be in Equestria. It was still purple, though.
Wondering if it was the school she’d heard about, but remembering Starlight’s warning, Nancy decided to save it for last in her tour of town. She turned the other direction, doing her best to avoid the detritus from the previous night’s pig stampede.
Her initial assessment of Ponyville being much smaller than Canterlot proved correct. It wasn’t a hamlet by any means, but proved very walkable. A few buildings stood out. The large one next to a central square seemed obviously some kind of office.
Looking around, Nancy noticed that everything seemed to be constructed with much less care than in Canterlot. In the larger city, many things had been stone. Here, not even the street was stone, just dirt and grass. The houses seemed almost like mere models, or constructed with paper like a stereotype of Japan. Many of the roofs seemed covered in straw. That type of construction seemed both flimsy and a fire risk.
South and east of town there seemed to be a dense forest. The trees began abruptly, and seemed quite tall. At least Nancy thought it was southeast. She’d made her judgement based on the sun, and she’d already seen that it didn’t exactly follow a regular pattern.
That thought brought her back to unicorn power. She’d seen Princess Twilight literally moving the heavens. She didn’t take Sunburst for much of an exaggerator, so Starlight must also be capable of some impressive feats. In the peaceful town, she’d practically forgotten that she was wearing both her guns, but was suddenly unsure how much help bullets were going to be compared to magic. If it came down to it, better to get some assistance.
That was why she made a careful inspection of town, at Captain Magnus’ request. Not that Nancy was a security expert, but maybe she could offer a different perspective.
Ponies kept staring at her, but none approached. Maybe that would be different after school let out for the day. They gave her a wide berth, and Nancy didn't go out of her way to close the distance, either. She wasn't sure how much the residents of Ponyville had heard about her.
That morning, she had finally managed to sync her watch to local time and was almost done with a walkaround of the town by lunchtime. She passed what was very clearly a diner of some kind. The sign out front had pictures of a sandwich and a drink.
Nancy had a few of the golden bit coins with her and walked into the restaurant, spending a long minute staring at the menu board above the cash register. The fast food cashier, even in Equestria, resembled a pimply teenager, and she stepped forward and asked him, “Do you have anything without hay?”
“Uh…” he glanced up at the board. “We have fried potato sticks.”
French fries? Maybe the translation spell didn’t know what France was. “Okay, give me that.”
Sure enough, they were french fries. There was also a place in the restaurant to self-serve ketchup. Nancy sat down with one meager order of fries, knowing she was probably going to have to order more later, and realizing she had also forgotten to get a drink.
At least the fries were pretty good. Nancy didn’t know what they were fried in, but her guess was not lard.
She was just getting up, when through the front windows of the restaurant, a wagon landed on the street. Was that the right word? It only had two wheels. Chariot?
Nancy shook her head. Equestria had really scrambled her brains if, when she saw a pegasus-powered vehicle, her first thought was what to call it. More importantly, Captain Magnus stepped off. Nancy went to go meet him.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
It was a good thing Captain Magnus had arrived in Ponyville. Nancy hadn’t known what she was going to do that afternoon. Being in danger of boredom was always an issue in the military, at least up until the moment when things weren’t boring at all.
Nancy hadn’t encountered Captain Magnus outdoors before, but instinctively saluted as she approached him. Apparently that was a common trait between their worlds and he returned the salute, though she noticed he used the Commonwealth style.
“Welcome to Ponyville, sir.”
He glanced around. “How are things here?”
“There was a pig stampede last night. Today, I’ve been walking around to look at the security.”
Captain Magnus didn’t react to the news about the pigs. He nodded to the two guards who had pulled the chariot and they trotted away with it. Turning to Nancy, he said, “Why don’t you tell me what you think about the town?”
They walked and talked. Nancy wasn’t sure where they were going, but she told him what she had noticed. “I didn’t see any ways to close streets. That may have made a difference with the stampede, based on how often Starlight seemed to imply these things happen. For anything else, I guess closing the streets doesn’t make much difference with so many people who can fly. I don’t know if anyone actually has locks on their doors. I don’t know what kinds of natural disasters you have around here, but I don’t think any of these buildings could withstand them. Not to mention, everything seems like a fire risk.”
“Good point about the stampede,” he said. “Maybe something like gates could be installed, but that would require somepony to operate them. Did you happen to see any guards on patrol?”
Nancy thought about it. “No.”
He nodded, as if to himself. “As for everything else, Ponyville doesn’t have a lot of climate or geological events. Magic helps with that. There are quite a few monster and villain attacks, though. At this point, the residents have just decided to build their homes as cheaply as possible and rebuild as necessary.”
Nancy looked at him sharply. “You’re joking. Uh, sir.”
“I wish I was.”
They stopped in front of a building. The faded sign out front simply said “Guard.” Captain Magnus glanced around and then looked at her. “If you want jokes, watch this.”
There was nothing in his tone to suggest amusement, though. He pushed open the door.
Inside the building, a stallion in armor sat behind a desk with his hooves propped up. He looked up, then did a double-take and leaped upright. “Sir! How unexpected!”
“That’s the point of an unexpected inspection. Line up your ponies.”
The guard hurried to call the rest out of the back rooms and into the lobby. It took too long, and even Nancy could tell there were a few problems with uniforms. They all lined up reasonably, straight, though, once they saw who had arrived.
“Is this everypony?” Captain Magnus asked.
“Yes sir!”
“So there’s nopony currently on patrol?”
Silence.
“Write me a report on the condition of this post,” Captain Magnus said. He nodded in Nancy’s direction. “Be sure to note your procedures for foreign dignitary visits. Have it postmarked no later than tomorrow.”
He looked at Nancy. “Ms. Rodriguez, do you have anything to add?”
She wasn’t sure if she should take pity on the Ponyville guards or not. But since he was asking… “This building could use a coat of paint.”
“Agreed.” Captain Magnus turned back to the assembled guards. “Do you gentleponies have any comments or questions?”
“N-no sir.”
Captain Magnus left the building, Nancy following in his wake. Seeing this side of him generated both a healthy respect, but also some caution. Nancy appreciated how he had handled the situation, but also realized the same could happen to her. Not that a foreign officer could do anything, but it was the thought that counted and without any other option but to stay as a guest in Equestria, maintaining a good working relationship was key.
“Another reason I’m here today,” he said. “I’d like to request that you come with me on a short trip to meet with the hippogriff defense forces. They’re primarily a nautical-centric society.”
“No problem, sir.”
In the back of Nancy’s mind, any notion of her being in danger of boredom had melted away. Sure, it was work, but she’d also started to loosen up and had recognized that this was a limited time opportunity to see as much of this world as possible. Really, now that she had been cleared of murder charges and received a stipend, experiencing everything Equestria had to offer was kind of fun. Getting back to Earth was still a problem, but if there was nothing she personally could do to make it happen faster...embrace the suck and take amusement where possible.
“Though I do want to check in with Sunburst and see how he’s doing with the problem of dimensional travel.”
Captain Magnus nodded and the two of them headed back for the castle. Inside, they found Sunburst beneath the crystal table, muttering to himself as if he was a shade tree mechanic working under a car.
The sound of Nancy’s boots on the floor was pretty distinctive, so Sunburst was more surprised by Captain Magnus when he slid out and saw them. “Oh. Good afternoon.”
“How’s it going?” Nancy asked.
“I think I’m getting somewhere, but there’s no step-by-step guidebook to reprogramming a unique, one-of-one magic construct like this.” Sunburst glanced at the table. “I’m hoping to have it done by this evening and Starlight and I will work on powering it up. Probably by tomorrow, I’ll be able to start using it to examine potential other dimensions that you might have come from. If everything goes well and we get really lucky, I might zero in on your dimension sometime tomorrow. But I don’t want to get your hopes up - the odds of instant results are probably small. And once we do find where you belong, we would then have to work out a way of sending you back.”
Despite her earlier enthusiasm for exploring, Nancy’s mood now shifted back when reminded that she didn’t have anything else she could do. “Well, thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it.” She indicated Captain Magnus. “I’m going to be helping with some diplomatic stuff, so please let me know if you finish early.”
Sunburst said he would be in touch.
Back outside, the chariot was nearby. Nancy was just about to ask if she was going to ride in it, when a pink pony unearthed herself out of a potted plant near the front door of the castle. “Are you leaving already!?”
“Uh…”
The pony trotted over. “You didn’t even get a chance to have a proper Welcome to Ponyville Party!”
“Wait, have I seen you before?” said Nancy. “It was the Dragon Lands, wasn’t it?”
“Yep! Twilight told me you don’t like surprises, so I’ve been holding off waiting for the perfect moment while you were in town, but if you’re leaving so soon…” She started to pout.
“I’ll be back,” Nancy said, wondering why she felt so apologetic. “I mean, it might be just before Sunburst figures out how to send me home, but…”
“That’s great, then! We’ll have a welcome party combined with a farewell party.” She started to trot away. “See you then, bye!”
“That was Pinkie Pie, one of Princess Twilight’s oldest friends,” said Captain Magnus as he and Nancy boarded the chariot. “She does parties.”
He looked a little uncomfortable, as if he’d been on the business end of one of her parties before.
Nancy was going to ask about the flying chariot, but the ponies pulling it took off without delay. Apparently they didn’t find the weight too much, and the chariot rode smoothly behind them. If Nancy asked how it worked, the answer would invariably just be magic.
It was a nice trip. Perhaps a little breezy, but scenic. Smooth. The suspension was air-ride, after all. By Nancy's watch, they made the journey back to Canterlot faster than the train.
They came in for a landing in a back courtyard of the castle, near some sheds that looked like they housed chariots and other equipment. There was also a large airship there, hovering just a few feet above the ground and tethered to an anchor. Nancy stared at it as she disembarked the chariot.
“Like it?” said Captain Magnus. “That’s our ride.”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
In the age of sail, the Navy was often negotiating contact with foreign countries. Though, such things were not usually left to lone mid-level enlisted sailors. Nancy considered Captain Magnus' offer to her as she inspected the airship moored behind the castle.
“Sir, why did you want me to go to this meeting with the hippogriffs and not a pony?”
“We are taking plenty of ponies,” Captain Magnus reassured her. “I asked you because Equestria doesn’t have an organic navy. The hippogriffs do, and they’re a semi-autonomous region under Equestria, so we can use their forces if we request, but it requires meetings like this.”
This felt like it was well outside the scope of her training, role, and previous experience. After a moment, something else came to Nancy. “Why are you asking to use their navy?”
“There’s been an issue with pirates.”
Well, that Nancy could get behind.
It was supposed to be a short trip, so the onload was nearly complete. Nancy recognized a few faces that would be going along. She wondered why the Canterlot castle guards were doing foreign relations. Maybe that was just an additional duty of theirs, since they were so close to the princess.
The guards definitely noticed her, too, but only one approached her, a copper-green earth pony. “Hello, I’m Patina Polish.”
“Oh, the temporary roommate.”
“That’s me.” Patina raised a hoof and Nancy bumped it. “Nice to finally meet you.”
As it turned out, their bunks aboard the airship were also in close proximity and they made smalltalk while getting settled.
“I’ve never gone on a trip like this before,” Patina said.
Technically, neither had Nancy, but getting ready to voyage somewhere did at least feel familiar.
She was aboard the airship when it left. Nancy wasn’t sure exactly how it was powered. Steam engines seemed too heavy. Magic, probably. Wow, once she accepted magic’s existence, it had almost become her second nature to attribute it to everything.
Captain Magnus invited Nancy to review a few proposals. She got a look at some maps and a summary of how the naval force borrowed from the hippogriffs would be employed. Despite Equestria’s dominance of the continent, it seemed that the central government still couldn’t always touch some of the farther-flung territories.
“So pirates run a few of these coastal towns?” Nancy asked.
“I wouldn’t say ‘run,’ but they’re interfering to the point that Canterlot was asked for help.” Captain Magnus’ brows hardened. “A fact-finding party that we sent was attacked, so - facts found - we’re bringing an entire force now. I’m a little concerned that criminals were so quick to resort to violence - not to mention how they knew our ponies were coming.”
“A leak?”
“Maybe, but I’m not convinced just yet.”
“If you’re concerned about that, then why are you telling me?”
He gave her a brief smile. “It’s not you. You weren’t even here at the time. But a leak isn’t the only possibility.”
Nancy settled in to pass the time. Since she had next to no duties on the foreign airship, there wasn’t much for her to do. She went to bed early. While it wasn’t the kind of ship she was used to, it rocked and swayed enough to make the bed feel close enough.
The next morning, they had passed the coastline and were sailing by some kind of archipelago. After breakfast, Nancy prowled the deck a little bit, her own experience at least coming in handy knowing how to stay out of the way. The airship was equipped with cannons, but only the old muzzleloading powder-and-ball type.
Nancy did wonder about the navigation. She realized she didn’t know if the planet was round or what, since the princess had to force the sun and moon to rise. She also didn’t know if compasses worked. Hopefully ponies had them, since they had steam engines and airships, but she didn’t know for sure.
She went to find the bridge of the airship, realizing she’d missed it earlier because it was mostly just the steering wheel on the aft deck. It did also have a compass, so that was one question answered.
Nancy was still standing there when one of the pegasus lookouts came down from atop the airship’s balloon and reported, “There’s a surface ship up ahead that’s flying a distress signal.”
“Couldn’t hurt to check it out,” the pilot replied. “Though, go get Captain Magnus. It’s his mission.”
The Captain was there in only a few moments. He used a spyglass to examine the ship below them. He said aloud, though to no one in particular, “Why would a ship with apparently good sails and no apparent damage be drifting and flying a distress flag instead of sailing for help?”
The pilot and the lookout glanced at each other.
Captain Magnus said, “Take us down, but carefully.” He gestured to the lookout. “Keep your eyes peeled.”
A few minutes passed as the airship maneuvered to a hover above the sailing ship. Glancing down, Nancy didn’t see any sign of life aboard.
All kinds of things drifted out on the ocean. Nancy had seen swamped lifeboats, refrigerators, and all manner of other things. Maybe this ship had broken loose of its moorings. But then, who had raised the flag?
She also wondered what Equestrian maritime salvage laws were, but this didn’t seem like the time to ask.
A small team of guards had already assembled, armor and weapons at the ready. Captain Magnus gestured to them.
“Hello aboard the ship!” one of them called down.
No response.
“Is there anypony there?”
Again, nothing. The guards pushed a rope ladder over the side that trailed down to the deck of the mysterious ship.
The lookout called, “Airship spotted !”
“Pull up the ladder,” Captain Magnus ordered. He turned to the pilot. “Get moving.”
“Another airship spotted ! They were hiding in the clouds !”
“Identification!” Captain Magnus bellowed so the lookout up top could hear.
“None spotted !”
“Everypony up! All crew ready to fight!” Captain Magnus shouted.
The lookout provided steering instructions to put the incoming airships on their tail, but starting from a dead stop, the government airship was quickly being overtaken. Nancy leaned out from the railing, looking up. Two airships, perhaps smaller than the one she was aboard, were gaining. Both were painted red.
There was a distant boom and something whistled by overhead, accompanied by tearing noises.
“Nearest land!” Captain Magnus ordered, and then, “Counterattack!”
The gun crews went to work, but it was already clear they had their work cut out for them, firing at targets higher than their own altitude. For her part, Nancy judged the targets and didn’t think her weapons would make enough difference. Sure, they were airships, but they wouldn’t fall out of the sky from pinholes.
Unlike their own balloon, which was already losing altitude from one - boom, rip! - make that two cannonballs punching through it.
Nancy looked down at the water, which was fast approaching, and made ready to abandon ship.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
The bait sailing ship that had lured in the guard airship was near to where the wreck had fallen into the water. To get there, though, Nancy was going to have to swim.
She could already tell that was going to be easier said than done with a seven pound rifle, a two pound handgun, ammunition for both, and steel-toed boots. It hadn't been a good idea to jump from the airship and she plunged much deeper than she expected and had a harder time resurfacing. However, as she struggled, something grabbed her hand.
Captain Magnus had reached out a hoof to her and was towing Nancy across the surface of the water towards the ship with hard beats of his wings. He had a spear clutched in his other foreleg and didn’t pause to actually look at Nancy, eyes peeled for attackers from above.
The two airships that had attacked - presumably pirates - were still closing in, even as the guard airship had already settled into the water. Those guards that could fly had already gotten off and were taking the fight to the pirates, carrying various spears, bows, and swords.
“If this ship is complicit,” Captain Magnus said, addressing Nancy, “then there might be hostiles onboard.”
She had already considered that. Still, they both knew that getting aboard it was better than drowning. Nancy didn’t think he, as a flier, could waste time picking everyone else from the water the way he had for her with plenty of pirates still willing to fight. Hopefully ponies had no problems swimming, even with their armor.
As he pulled harder and actually managed to lift her to the deck of the ship, she also wondered how the pegasus guards were going to fare against the pirates. Surely they were good fighters, but they were also surely outnumbered.
Nancy got up, soaking wet but with a deck under her feet. Captain Magnus left her there without another word. Unburdened of her weight, he zoomed towards the fight, which had already started to involve flying pirates trying to keep the guards from their airships. Not all of them seemed to be ponies, but in the distance Nancy couldn't immediately tell what they were.
She didn’t have time to watch. She scanned the deck of the ship where she had come aboard, seeing no one. By feel, she racked the bolt on her rifle and tapped the forward assist, shaking the weapon slightly if it might help to remove some water.
The stern of the ship was raised up one deck with a set of stairs, and from her angle, Nancy couldn’t see if there was anyone there. That was not to mention anything or anyone that might be below deck. She started forward, but paused to kick a coil of rope over the side of the ship, knotting the end on the railing.
Carefully mounting the stairs to the aft deck, as her head rose above the higher deck, she found a creature there that resembled half a cat and half a bird. It was observing the battle through a spyglass.
“Hey!” Nancy called, still half on the stairs but holding her rifle ready. The thing jerked in surprise and looked at her, bird eyes wide. She took a couple of steps forward and jerked her head skyward. “Whose side of this are you on?”
“Uh...who are you?” it asked, a masculine voice.
“I’m a space alien that just landed here and I’m trying to figure out who I can trust.”
“If you’re from outer space, then how do you speak the language?”
“Does it matter? You still haven’t answered my question.”
“Uh...okay, so those guys in the shiny armor are bad.” He gestured.
“Wrong answer. Get on your face and spread out your limbs.”
Nancy heard something behind her which sounded like someone climbing onto the deck and dripping water. Not taking a chance on it, though, she advanced up the stairs and turned to cover her prisoner, chancing a glance back towards where she had put out the rope.
It was Patina Polish. She spotted Nancy and hurried over, climbing the stairs. “What did this griffon do?” she asked.
“He’s with them,” Nancy replied. “Or at any rate, he’s not with us.”
“Wait, you’re with them?” said the griffon.
“Was it a trap?” Patina asked.
“It might still be. I haven’t checked below decks yet. We need to do something with this guy first.”
Patina nodded and picked up a nearby piece of rope, starting towards the griffon prisoner. Whatever kind of bird or cat he was made of, his reflexes were excellent, as just before Patina reached him, he rolled, slipping through her grasp and getting behind her. She turned, but a knife had come out of nowhere and he put it to her throat, grabbing her and lifting her in front of him as he turned towards Nancy.
“What kind of moron are you!?” Nancy shouted at him. “You have wings, you could have escaped, but now you made it a hostage situation!”
“Put down your weapon! Get on your face and spread out your limbs.”
“No, you drop it. I’m not going to ask again. You either drop it, or you die! ”
“I’ll cut her throat!”
Nancy pulled the trigger.
From across the narrow deck, through her rifle sights, there was no way she could miss, even if the griffon had part of his head hidden behind Patina.
Shooting the dragon had been in the chaos of night and panic. This was deliberate, focused, and in broad daylight. Nancy had a front row seat for the back of the griffon’s head blowing out, leaving brain and blood all over the deck and Patina’s face.
This was no time to pause and reflect on it, though. “Let’s clear the rest of the ship,” Nancy said.
Patina apparently shared the same feeling, regardless of her interpretation of it. She unsteadily wiped her face with a foreleg, though was still wide-eyed. The two of them started down the stairs.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
After the guard airship had been caught up by an ambush of pirates that outnumbered the Equestrian forces, Nancy had survived the crash and managed to come aboard the floating bait ship. There, she’d killed one marauder to save one of her Equestrian comrades.
She didn't even have time to consider the moment. Though Nancy’s ears were ringing from the sound of the shot, killing the griffon who had tried to take Patina Polish, she heard a door burst open. She was already partway down the stairs from the elevated rear of the ship, and spotted several creatures emerging from below decks.
She must have cut an imposing figure, with blood on her boots and dripping down the stairs. A few of them actually did hesitate when she shouted at them to stop.
Some of them didn’t. The first one to charge was a pony, wielding a sword, and the moment his hoof touched the first step, Patina surged forward from behind Nancy and ran him through with her spear.
Nancy had been within a fraction of a second of killing him herself, finger already taking up slack on the trigger, but shifted her aim to the rest of the crowd, perhaps half a dozen in all. That also distracted her from Patina killing a fellow pony. Was that something Patina thought about? Did all these creatures being outside her own species make it easier for Nancy?
The next one to attack seemed to be about halfway between a griffon and a pony. There might have been a proper name for that kind of creature, but as talons extended towards her face, Nancy had no time to remember it. She barely had time to defend herself, only getting the rifle up far enough to keep the attack at bay, but it was practically knocked from her hands by the impact. A bayonet would have solved the problem then and there, but she didn’t have one, and as the momentum of the attack knocked her backwards, she managed to get one hand down to her pistol. Sharp talons getting closer to her eyes, she didn’t even take the time to aim, just jerking the M9 clear of the holster and firing two rounds point-blank into the stomach of the creature that had tackled her.
Throwing it off her, and scrambling up, Nancy realized the pistol’s slide had scraped her wrist as it cycled. There hadn’t been even a fraction of a second to orient herself in the heat of the moment, but since nothing seemed broken, she reasoned that the injury was a fair tradeoff for staying alive. At least the blood on her vest wasn’t hers.
Hippogriff. That was probably what it was. She didn't look at the body, still squirming even as the creature died, other than to confirm that the threat had been ended.
Patina seemed to have held off the others by the time Nancy got back to her feet, and the rest of the pirates didn’t try anything. Apparently three deaths among their number were enough. Maybe too many.
Nancy and Patina herded the pirates below deck, sweeping to make sure there were none left in hiding. This was not a warship, and there were no cannon ports nor any obvious way of escaping the lower decks aside from the door, so they locked the pirates in and kept watch from the upper deck to ensure they didn’t try anything.
By that time, the battle in the skies wasn’t over, but seemed to be winding down. The wrecked Equestrian airship had nearly finished sinking into the waves. One of the two pirate airships had also fallen into the sea, and in the distance there were a few floating creatures Nancy could see. Those that could fly had apparently continued the battle.
She and Patina watched the other pirate airship with apprehension until a pegasus messenger from the guard came to meet them.
“We took it,” he explained. “Shame about our own, but at least we aren’t swimming home.”
He glanced at the wooden ship they stood upon. “You two did alright for yourselves.”
“Taking a prize was definitely not what I expected to be doing today,” Nancy said. The adrenaline was wearing off, but she was forcing herself to remain alert. This wasn’t quite over yet.
It took a while for the guards to get the unfamiliar airship under control and sort out what would happen next. Prisoners were an issue. The small guard unit had taken casualties. They’d punched far above their weight in the fight, but there were still more captured pirates than remaining guards. Not to mention, if they dawdled here too long, more pirates might be on the way.
Nancy was still a little bit in shock at how a country’s military, even a small unit, could be overwhelmed by pirates. Then again, in her own world, such a thing had sometimes happened, albeit not in the past few centuries.
Ultimately, the bait ship was burned. Not that Nancy cared about the prize value, but it was too much effort to split the remaining guard forces to sail it away. The cargo deck of the captured airship was crammed full of pirate prisoners and most of the remaining Equestrians were set to guard them. The others tried to get the airship to the hippogriff lands as quickly as possible. It was going to take another day, and everyone would be exhausted upon arrival, but as shorthanded as they were, resting was hardly an option.
Even with round the clock care, there was nothing that could be done for some of the wounded, from both sides. The slight bit of good news for Nancy was that no one she knew closely had been among the dead. Even with the bodies they carried, here were still some lost at sea.
Captain Magnus seemed more tense than usual, even after the battle was over. It was a testament to his experience, though, that nothing about his leadership had changed. He wasn't Nancy's boss, directly, but she still felt lucky to have him.
She was doing her part among the other crew, standing watch just like every ship she’d ever been on, when at long last the Hippogriff Kingdom came over the horizon, along with the next day’s sunrise.
The place was called Mount Aris. To Nancy, it slightly resembled the sailboat-shaped hotel in Dubai. If she wasn’t so tired, she might have taken a moment to stare. As things were, it was all she could do to maintain attention on the prisoners.
They were nearly fired upon by the hippogriff security forces because they were flying a pirate airship.
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
A sailor belonged at sea, but it was always good to have a port call.
Nancy had almost gotten used to Equestria, but visiting Mount Aris in the hippogriff kingdom gave her something else to see. Mostly, though, she just wanted to rest after the trip to get there.
The hippogriffs were good hosts. They seemed very Equestrian in that respect, friendly and charitable. Strange how this world seemed so black and white, with basically-good groups and basically-bad groups. That only made the contrast between the two stand out more, such as the gentle ponies of Equestria versus violent pirates.
At least the military forces seemed capable of fighting, though Captain Magnus had confided to Nancy that the battle on the way to the hippogriff kingdom was an extreme rarity.
“A brazen attack like that doesn't just happen. Something's changed.” He shook his head. “If I hadn’t instituted a new training program when I became Captain, we wouldn’t even be in this good of shape. And I haven’t managed to get this out to the entire guard yet, just the castle unit. Ultimately, I’d like us to be capable of all-encompassing defense, because unless the princesses help, we’re still vulnerable to powerful magic.”
“How likely are we to encounter...uh, powerful magic?” Nancy asked.
“Happens once in a blue moon. They usually go straight for the seat of power, though, and they aren’t interested in pirating. If they happened to be interested in money at all, then the castle treasury is more lucrative.
“So I try to focus on things I can actually do something about right now. Such as pirates.”
Meeting with the hippogriffs was quicker and easier than Nancy expected. Most of the conversation was about her, actually. She had the feeling they were probably going to lend naval forces to deal with the pirates anyway, but seeing the guard attacked on the way only quickened the process.
“So what do you know about pirates?” the Hippogriff King asked her. He and a few of his advisors sat in his office with Nancy and Captain Magnus.
After meeting a magical pony princess, Nancy was hardly phased by other royalty. Though, the way hippogriffs seemed to be able to transform their bodies for above and below water had caught her attention.
To the point of the king’s question, Nancy had done patrols off Somalia, but that was hardly the same thing. She had been taught about the history of the Barbary Wars, when pirates were actually a threat to isolated military vessels. Not so much once a fleet arrived and burned their hideout. She was not a Marine, but that was the reason their service hymn referenced the shores of Tripoli.
“I know that force is usually the only thing that stops them.” Nancy paused, thought of the usual conditions around Equestria, and added, “But maybe socioeconomic conditions might be a factor.”
“You saw the gold in the cargo hold on the airship we captured,” Captain Magnus said.
“Just thought I’d mention it.”
“It isn’t as if we’ll be slaughtering anyone,” said the king. “However they may have acted. Fair chance to surrender, fair trial.”
After her own brush with the Equestrian legal system, Nancy was going to take that with a grain of salt. Still, it was probably better than pirates believing their best chances were if they fought to the death.
They discussed a few of the finer points of the expedition, such as logistics, before adjourning. The king had given the guard delegation rooms in the castle, though it was smaller than the one in Canterlot so they had to double up.
Nancy had been roomed with Patina, which seemed logical enough. There was only one bed, but it was huge (king-sized?) and the room was nicer than any hotel she had ever visited. Owing to the nature of hippogriffs, everything was cool colors and ocean themed. Nancy caught herself humming Under da Sea .
Patina was quiet and subdued, which was a big enough change that Nancy noticed. After what they’d gone through, maybe that wasn’t surprising.
“Is something on your mind?” she asked, sitting down on the bed beside Patina.
At least Patina was upfront about it. “That was my first combat.”
Once, Nancy had been aboard a ship that had launched missiles into Syria. She’d observed a drive-by machinegunning of a pirate skiff near Somalia. Nothing had really prepared her for this. “It was my first time being right in the middle of it,” she admitted.
“Well, I was hoping I could ask you how to deal with it, but I guess we’re in the same boat.” Patina laughed at her own joke, even though she probably didn’t even think it was funny.
“We’ll be better prepared next time,” said Nancy, hoping it was true.
“It would be nice if there wasn’t a next time.”
“True.”
Nancy had been trying not to think about what would happen when she eventually made it back to Earth, but for the first time wondered if she ever would. She had an out - she wasn't Equestrian and couldn't be expected to fight foreign battles other than to protect herself. But what if another attack happened? What about guards who might be ordered into the line of fire?
There was a knock on the door. Answering it, they found one of the castle stewards there. “The king has invited everypony for some entertainment, if you’d like.”
“Absolutely,” said Nancy. Patina nodded enthusiastically. No matter what kind of entertainment it was, it had to be way better than being alone with their thoughts.
Given that the above-water part of the Hippogriff Kingdom was an island, it was any direction to the beach. The group of visitors had been invited to meet with the king at the water’s edge.
“As some of you may have heard, the secret to hippogriff change of form is fragments of the Pearl of Transformation.”
He could have just said magic. That was what Nancy had suspected anyway.
The king smiled and held up several necklaces, which appeared to be made with some kind of small gems. “Who wants to go for a swim?”
That apparently excited most of the ponies, and it took Nancy a moment to realize what was going on.
“There’s nothing to it,” the king said. “It works on ponies, too. Captain Magnus, would you care to demonstrate?”
“Well, it’s been quite a few years, but I think I remember how,” he allowed. It was one of the rare times Nancy had seen his personality unlock, even a little. He accepted one of the necklaces and put it on. In a flash, his hindquarters transformed into a scaly tail, like a mermaid, or whatever ponies called them. He flopped awkwardly on the beach before managing to get into the water, but appeared much more comfortable after that.
“Her next!” Patina shoved Nancy forward.
Caught on the spot, but admittedly curious, she accepted one of the necklaces from the king. The jewel appeared simple enough, but it wasn’t as if magic usually had a big signature.
Was this going to work on a human? What would it feel like? What if something went wrong?
Nancy took a few steps closer to the water and put the necklace on. The change was so quick and easy that she hardly noticed it, until she fell into the sand, that is. However, she suddenly had a much bigger problem.
She looked down. “That was my only pair of trousers!”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Shipwrights in the age of sail had a lot in common with tailors. Fortunately, there was a unicorn around with the tools to put Nancy’s trousers back together. They had split along the seams and just needed to be restitched. She was still angry at herself for not anticipating something like that happening when growing a tail.
On the other hand, getting to swim like a mermaid for a few minutes more than made up for it. It was freaky - no denying that - and took a little while to adjust, but it also made Nancy feel for the first time she could actually touch the magic of this world. Otherwise, she’d mostly just been an observer.
Still, she was glad to take the necklace off and change back. Small steps in new experiences.
Nancy and the Equestrian guards spent two more days in the Hippogriff Kingdom, planning with the hippogriff forces their next move. They had a good - though not confirmed - idea where the pirate stronghold was, based on previous intelligence and how the attack against the guard had originated.
“They probably aren’t going to be looking for a fight after we destroyed or captured a few of their ships,” Captain Magnus said. “And with them being three ships down, we should have more of a decisive numbers advantage.”
They all examined a map, which had been marked with notes. Nancy wasn’t exactly sure why she was there. She was no strategist, but they were perhaps counting on her to offer up something that would only be obvious to an alien.
Captain Magnus traced a hoof along the coastline depicted on the map. “We’ll run nighttime recon flights along the shore to determine their concentrations. We have some reports already, and will have to get a few messages back to the general intel bureau in Canterlot.”
He sighed. “I had hoped to have more troops to put ashore. We hadn’t intended to start the operation quite so soon. This trip was only supposed to be for coordination. If it comes down to it, we may just have to blockade and siege, and that’s not good for anypony.”
The hippogriffs would be contributing twelve ships, all armed. The king smiled. “They have top crews. With no exaggeration, they are the heaviest-armed warships in the world.”
Nancy did not say “this world,” just smiled and nodded.
They managed to get a message to Canterlot, and the guard would be sending five airships. They were of the same class as the one that had been lost, but Captain Magnus had insisted on additional combat-rated troops for each of them.
“That should put us on parity for total pirate forces, if they were able to organize into a single fleet,” he said.
“What’s to stop them from doing that?” Nancy said. “A fair fight sounds like a mistake, not a goal, sir.”
“You’re right,” he said. “And that’s where a special magical detachment from Canterlot comes in. Getting ambushed on our way here could only have been accomplished by advanced knowledge of our plans. As part of our recon, we’re going to ferret out their own intelligence-gathering ability.”
“What if it’s not magical, just a leak?” Nancy wondered aloud.
Captain Magnus nodded, as if he expected Occam’s Razor from her. “Could be. But to get messages over great distances timely enough to be tactically useful, then the communication method would have to be magical, so we can intercept it.”
“What about radio?”
“It doesn’t work here,” said the king. “The distributed shards of the Pearl of Transformation around the kingdom had the unintended effect of fuzzing the airwaves. Everypony agreed that they’d rather have the ability to turn into seaponies than listen to music from a distance, though, so we kept the arrangement as-is.”
The operation went forward. There was a small ceremony when it came time to leave the Hippogriff Kingdom. The king gave a speech.
It was sober, but strong. If there was going to be a battle, then it was likely some of them would be killed. Some of them already had. Still, they were all here in service of something greater. And then there was Nancy, who was at least anti-pirate, so that counted.
The fleet set sail. The next day, they met up with the airships arriving from Canterlot. They had most of the recon ponies and equipment with them.
Teams of pegasi pulling low-profile chariots with unicorns aboard would sweep the night skies, passively looking for magic signatures while concealing their own presence. It struck Nancy a little bit like human signal-gathering aircraft.
Not that Nancy didn’t know how to wait, but staying up nights wondering when a crucial piece of the puzzle would arrive and kick the operation into combat did leave her a lot of time to think.
The recon units did seem to be doing their job, with some success in observing how pirates reacted. It became clear that the pirates did somehow have an awareness of the allied fleet. There were no outgoing signals from the ponies or the hippogriffs, so it was decided that there must have been some other way that information was getting through.
After four nights of running the pirate coast, frustrating because they never managed to pin down any vessels, the recon teams finally came to a conclusion, based on magic signatures in the area.
“We think they have a clairvoyant, or some object that allowed remote sight,” Captain Magnus said in front of the planning table aboard the flagship. “And, we’ve pinned down the approximate location.” He indicated one of the tiny coastal villages, one of them named Seaweed Shoals. “It’s not a good fix, but we’re sure the magic is coming from inside this town. It turns out it was some sort of active spell, not a leak on our part.”
“There are a couple of ways we could neutralize this,” he said. “Bombardment is not a good choice if there are any innocents around. A ground raid with pegasi covering the rear could work for a capture, but we don’t know the full capabilities of this foresight. We’re going to have to come up with some subterfuge.”
He talked with the other officers, both pony and hippogriff, and eventually came up with a plan. Small units of guards would go ashore in other coastal villages, publicly asking about pirates. Whoever was commanding the enemy forces had maneuvered pirate ships out of the area, so the threat to a small ground unit should be low, particularly with the allied fleet right offshore.
The question team would work their way up the coast towards Seaweed Shoal. Of course, the pirates would have to know about it by word of mouth about strange ponies asking where the pirates were. The signature of the clairvoyant magic would either move, or stay put. Either way, it would give them a better idea of what it was and who was behind it.
As it turned out, the pirates must have been confident in themselves, because when the question team came through Seaweed Shoals, the magic signature didn’t move. That allowed a few embedded diviners to narrow it down to a single house.
They didn’t approach closely, feigning ignorance, but marked it down on a map and that night recon was at it again. It was one of the nicer places in town - almost a mansion, really, and situated close to the coast.
With focus on it now, a couple of things had become obvious. A few times per day, a shadowy figure would appear in a glassed-in cupola. Hippogriffs making stealthy night swims were able to get more intel from relatively close, taking a few subtle peeps above the waves with spyglasses.
At a central meeting, Captain Magnus laid it out for everyone. “We believe this pony has a crystal ball. We don’t know the exact capabilities, but it seems to be powered by their magic - so likely a unicorn. It glows in the dark enough to distinguish. We don’t know who this pony is, but they seem to have quite a talent. They’re somehow able to keep an eye on our fleet from a distance. Our teams have discovered the signatures of magical wards around their residence. We’ve seen indications that they are not alone in that house.
“We could likely take the place by force, but there’s also a high likelihood of resistance if this pony is so important, and we have no way of knowing their true power or what magical traps may be in play. One of our recon teams experimentally dropped a pebble and it actually bounced off an invisible protective dome over the house. A couple of the swim teams took one of our unicorns close and they’ve determined that it’s a barrier strong enough to knock back somepony who walked into it, but probably wouldn’t stand up to a true attack. Being fairly low-powered is how the barrier remains invisible.”
Captain Magnus looked around the room. “At the moment, I would be happy with just breaking that orb. We can lay a contingent of guards outside the house to make sure no one leaves while we go to hunt the pirates now lacking their command and control. We need something strong enough to get through the barrier, but still able to make a precision attack from range.”
Nancy raised her hand. “What about a piece of lead moving two thousand miles per hour?
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
Nancy should have seen this coming. There was a reason for the old joke never again volunteer yourself . The hippogriffs she’d told it to thought it was funny.
There was nothing funny about what she’d gotten herself into now: swimming to a hostile beach, potentially to assassinate someone. Even the mermaid tail just made it weird, not lighthearted and fun.
To be fair, she wasn’t going to try to kill someone tonight, but the pirate seer that had been using magic to track the movement of the hippogriff and pony coalition wasn’t going to be an easy target. They had some kind of magic barrier around their house. Even when they came out to the cupula on the rooftop, they were surrounded by glass. While Nancy would be aiming for their crystal ball, eliminating the user would also accomplish the mission. Their body was a much bigger target.
But there were still a lot of things that had to happen before she shot somebody. They had to get to the beach undetected. That seemed easy enough, considering they were swimming underwater. The going was slow, given that Nancy and one of the unicorn recon specialists weren’t used to having fish tails, but that gave the hippogriffs more time to sweep the area.
Upon reaching the shore, they sheltered among the clumps of washed up plants that gave Seaweed Shoals its name. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, but that could change in a moment. Nancy tipped the rifle enough to pour any water out of the barrel, if it helped. She hadn’t been able to sight it in, but hoped that it was still accurate.
The shot was going to be maybe two hundred yards. Nancy could see the darkened house in the distance. There was no way of knowing when the figure would appear. There was no way of knowing how many shots it was going to take to penetrate the barrier, the window, and hit the target.
The group of them lay half in the surf, though the waves were gentle. Since she had time, Nancy had dug a space in the wet beach for the M16’s magazine, and used the scooped-out sand to build a rest for the foregrip. It was as stable as it was going to get. She looked through the sights, focusing on the cupola where the target usually appeared a few times per night. In the darkness, she could barely see anything, but had been told the glow of magic would be a target in itself.
It was probably a good thing the transformation kept them warm in the cold sea, because the group lay there for perhaps an hour before one of the unicorns whispered, “There it is.”
Nancy’s eyes had been given more than enough time to adjust, and she saw a faint pink glow, getting stronger through the house’s glass. It suddenly popped out above the roof in the glassed-in cupola, a pink orb carried by a shadowy figure.
She clicked off the safety and leaned into the rifle. Her heartrate had spiked in the last few seconds with the knowledge of what she was going to do, and that might throw off her aim, but there wasn’t much she could do to stop it.
There was the matter of Nancy being a member of a foreign military. None of her US Navy officers had authorized her to do this. This could cause a diplomatic incident of a very different kind. On the other hand, it wasn’t as if anyone in the Navy was pro-pirate. Plus, pirates had tried to kill her.
She made one final adjustment, and then squeezed the trigger.
The muzzle flash temporarily ruined her night vision, but the unicorn alongside her called, “The barrier’s down!”
Nancy lined up once more. She blinked, spotting the dot of pink, and fired again. She wasn’t sure what she expected to happen, but an explosion and a flash that seemed as bright as the sun wasn’t it. Her aim must have been true, because the orb had clearly shattered.
A few pieces of something fell on the beach near her. Pieces of the house? As the sudden pink glow began to fade, she realized the cupula was gone, and a few shingles off the roof of the house, too.
From down the beach, two dozen troops rose from the waves, transforming their hooves back. They rushed the house. Nancy stayed on her rifle, but found no more targets.
A few minutes later, the allied troops were back, dragging someone with them. They signaled all clear. The others slipped back into the waves.
Over the next few days, Nancy wasn't called upon to shoot anyone else. She cleaned her weapons as best as she could after they'd been exposed to salt water, using what she could find.
With their command and control gone, the pirates became aimless. A few days had passed, and the allied fleet crowding the coast engaged several isolated ships. Some surrendered.
Nancy didn’t learn the results of interrogating the pirates’ captured seer, nor did she particularly want to. She’d volunteered for the mission, and was glad to not have killed them, but didn’t really want to see their face, either.
In fact, she was transferred to one of the airships for a return to Canterlot once it became clear that the pirates had lost their advantage and weren't going to be much more trouble.
Captain Magnus saw her off. “I understand that magical researcher - Sunburst, was it? - has found something, so I imagine you’ll want to be going.”
“Absolutely, sir!”
“I’ll send word along to have you presented with a guard commendation medal. You were a great service to us, in the brief time we worked together.”
“I appreciate it, sir, though I hope you understand that if it would delay me even a minute, I would rather just go straight to Ponyville.”
He nodded. “I know how it feels to lose your place in the world. Good luck.”
Nine Millimeter Vorpal Sword
The airship touched down in the street right outside the Ponyville castle. Nancy hurried into the building.
Sunburst was in the foyer. “Oh, you’re back-” He stopped short. Even though he’d been expecting Nancy, he still seemed a little surprised. “How did it go?”
She could have told him the details, but she hadn’t come straight back to Ponyville to wait much more before being transported home. “Long story,” said Nancy. “Are you ready?”
“As ready as we know how to be,” Sunburst confirmed. “Now that you’re here, we can start getting everything prepped to go.”
He shot her a sideways glance as he turned to head towards where the large crystal table was waiting. “Are you sure you’re good?”
“Yes, I-” Nancy paused and sighed. “A lot happened, and I’ve got emotional whiplash now that I might finally be going home.”
“Did you do everything you want to do?” Sunburst asked.
She’d said goodbye to the ponies she’d gone on expedition with, and the hippogriffs she’d served with on the way. She’d commemorated those lost. She remembered her brief cohabitation with Patina, appreciation of Captain Magnus’s leadership, and everyone - everypony - she’d met.
Maybe she had a few regrets, but she hadn’t neglected her goodbyes. “I think I’ve taken care of everything. I mean, unless you can conjure up replacements for the bullets I fired and send me back in time so it’ll be like I never left.”
“Uh, probably on the first, and maybe on the second,” Sunburst said. “I’ll get Starlight and-”
Nancy waved her hand. “Don’t worry about it. Not worth the extra time. I’ll just go back and face the music.”
“If you’re sure.”
She followed Sunburst into the room with the table. It was piled with notes and calculations on chalkboards and parchment. “Princess Twilight wanted an update when you were ready to go,”
“How long is that going to take?”
“I guess you really are emphasizing speed here,” Sunburst muttered.
“It’s my home.”
He nodded and started to shift a few things around. “Okay, we managed to work out how the table was connecting to the multiverse and from there planned the focus for the transference-”
He glanced at the impatient look on her face and said, “Well, I guess I don’t need to go into that. Please position yourself in the center of the table.”
Nancy did, climbing up on it and sitting down crosslegged. Starlight came into the room, glanced at her, and went to converse with Sunburst. The two of them worked on few things, and after a few minutes the table seemed to hum and glow.
“Alright, we’re almost there,” said Sunburst. “Is there anything else you want to do before you go?”
Maybe. Probably. But none more important than this. “No. Do it.”
“Okay...and I just wanted to say it was a pleasure to meet you.”
Though she was trying to expedite as much as possible, Nancy did have time to at least say goodbye. “You too.”
Starlight powered up her horn and the table began to glow brighter. Both of them waved. Nancy lifted her hand-
-and jolted as she realized she was nowhere near Ponyville. In fact, she was in a desert at night. A tall radio tower behind a chain link fence was just a few yards away.
Nancy stood up, energy buzzing in her body. This was familiar. She was back!
The Keep Out sign on the fence was written in both Spanish and English, given the proximity to the Mexican border. Nancy spoke Spanish, but as she glanced at it, the words began to rearrange themselves. The translation spell was still active?
Add it to the list of things that were distracting her from what was actually important. She turned to walk back down the road, towards the base, and home.