After many months of paperwork, divvying up property, and finding an available court date - the third of which taking more than half of the timeframe, the inevitable has arrived. For the third time, I am appearing before a judge to terminate a marriage certificate. One would think that I’d get used to it since this is my third, but alas. It doesn’t get any easier.

Worse still, my family are now discovering the story of my accident. While it occurred a long time ago, it’s clear that despite their denial of my existence, they can no longer keep that up. As a result, I now have to resort to some pretty extreme tactics to avoid being seen by them. While I don’t doubt that at least some of them are willing to talk to me, I can’t take any chances. As far as I’m concerned, I have a bounty on my head.

Rated T for abrasiveness.