Pinkie discovers cheats

by Jorofrarie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cutie Mark Crusaders, Pinkie Pie, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3571

The console is no longer safe, prepare all of your cakes. It begins...

In a town where anything can happen, and the impossible is... moderately difficult, a pink mare will find something strange and different at the hands of two master pranksters. GASP as you watch Pinkie pull off nonsense. MARVEL as she bounds! SCREAM as your brain explodes from reading!

Who sent her the means to cheat in real life? The author wants to know, but sadly he never will. It's up to YOU! THE RANDOM PERSON THAT READ THIS DESCRIPTION!

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I'm not even sure why I wrote this. I just had this strange idea and felt like writing a one off about it. I may seem a bit rushed, and may not be the best out there, but it's something. SO READ IT! If you want to that is...

Oh, and be sure to like and fave, maybe even watch me (although that does sound a bit weird...).

This is my second story. Feel free to check out my other one at my user page, or here: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/18573/Light%27s-Shadow

Published 2012-08-22 22:14:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-28 06:46:54 UTC

Missing Commands

The slightly revised/improved version, and please refrain from exploding your brain, I do have a vacuum cleaner lying around, but still, those pesky brain stains hurt, so be sure to clear up on the way out.

Show your appreciation (if there is any) with a thumb & fav... :3

Pinkie discovers sv_cheats

Ripped Textures

The Chapter that was changed from another chapter to this one, but it's not the one that came after the other chapter, this one came after that one...

The sun rose over the quaint town of Ponyville, a beautiful mixture of the deepest reds and lightest yellows, perfectly offsetting the colours of the town below. It rose particularly well over one building.

Now, this may seem a little unfair, but the sun did like to eat cake a lot, and this place had the best cake in the whole of Equestria. At the moment, the sun was trying to sneak up on the building without being noticed by the moon, which was at this point talking to Marecury in an attempt to fix some distressing figures in the economy.

The Sun looking left, then right, then up, and then in the sixth dimension to check for any anomalies that might have popped up. Satisfied that the coast was clear, it came closer to the building.

Closer...

Closer...

Closer...

"HI CELLY!"

The Sun fell on her rear in shock as the Pink Menace appeared in front of her. The Sun being, in this case, a certain white coated mare that was trying to sneak past a diet that had so rudely been forced on her by her sister and not, for example, huge ball of gas weighing approximately 1.989E30 kg. In the long term this probably would have helped the world stay more... alive...

You may be wondering just why the sun would want to go through all of this trouble only to get cake from a particular place, but after all, these cakes were the best that anyone would ever find. And munching on them 24/7 was hardly a crime, except for the galaxy of Zeta-7-3-Alpha, where is was punishable with death-by-sewing needles. Not a nice way to go.

Celestia struggled to find anything to say in response to Pinkie popping out of nowhere so suddenly, and with such an evil glint in her eye. The not-a-ball-of-gas got to her hooves and nervously shuffled, looking around for any watchers. She leaned in towards Pinkie.

"Ummmm, hello Pinkie Pie..." She sounded very strange indeed. "Uhh, I was wondering if we could, you know, find somewhere private to talk. I'm here to, order some pies..." She winked.

Pinkie looked at the Princess in a new light, licking her lips slightly. "Oh ho ho, Princess! I didn't know that you had such a naughty strea-"

The Author slammed his fists on the desk loudly and gave up on writing his attempt at a clopfic. I mean, come on, the story was never going to go anywhere (Mainly because the Author being written by this Author is a complete idiot, but don't tell him that).

He saved his work before closing his browser, settling instead to play a video game of some sort. He did have a strange obsession with hats, and enjoyed talking with others about how much he loved hats, so Team Fortress 2 would work perfectly.

He manoeuvred around his computer for a few seconds before finding the appropriate link. The Author (within an author, remember that) started up the game...

[Preparing to Launch...]

[Error 42: Source engine missing. You are obviously stupid, go away and play a different game that doesn't have hats, for you are poor and Irish.]

A small picture of a pink version of Celestia had mysteriously popped up next to the message, along with another version that had a trollface of all things...

The Author looked at these for a moment, before shutting the computer, picking it up, and flushing it down the toilet. It overflowed, and a steak came up from under the S-bend. Before he could process this, an extremely large, hairy man with chest hair in the shape of Australia smashed through the roof, picked up the steak, ate it in one bite, and then punched a bear (That had been hiding behind the bathtub) in the snout.

What? It was a Monday, Everything always happens on Mondays. Well, except for Bingo, that's on Fridays.

Somewhere Completely Different

Pinkie was surprised.

Now, when I say surprised, I don't mean ordinary surprised, I mean super-duper loltastically surprised to the max.

And when I say that, well, let's just say that she was really surprised.

The reason for this surprise was the small pink present lying on her bed. She had just returned from throwing a Happy-Birthday-Twilight-In-Another-200-Days Party, and then this was lying on her bed. On closer inspection, it seemed to have some sort of strange face drawn on the side...

Oh well!

She leaped at the package with the ferocity of a rabid eclair-

What? Have you ever seen those things angry? Really, they have some major anger problems... I think it might be because of the name. I mean really, what kind of a name is Eclair?!

Anyway, the box was ripped open before you could say Eddies in Space Time.

Pinkie, leaned over to look into the box expectantly, and found...

A small black square.

The Party Animal of Ponyville picked up this curious device. It weighed next to nothing, and was completely two dimensional. She actually tried looking at the thing from the side and it completely disappeared. It was separated into two segments, a large upper portion, and a small bar section at the bottom.

It was a strange device. At one point she actually dropped it, only to have it stop in mid-air, suspended for no reason. When she touched it it would bob around slowly, a bit like a helium balloon.

The thing was entirely empty, but as Pinkie watched, a small string of letters appeared in the bottom part...

[sv_cheats 1]

Pinkie looked at the thing completely dumbfounded. It made no sense! Who was this 'sv_cheats', and why was he turning one?

She sprang up into the air. A written transcript of her thoughts would look something like this:

'OMGTHISMUSTBEANEWPONYINTOWN!OHWOWIHAVETOGOANDTHROWHIMAPARTYANDBAKEHIMACAKEANDSOMECUPCAKESANDPROBABLYSOMEECLAISBUTTHEY'LLHAVETOTAKESOMEANGERMANAGEMENTSESSIONSFIRSTIDON'TWANTTHEMATTACKINGHIMOHTHIS'LLBESOAWESOME!'

And yes, Pinkie does think in pink. It is a delicious colour and needs more respect! It's something that I, as the Author outside the Author but inside another Author (Told you to remember that) want more people to realise!

The next thoughts:

I should go find Rainbow! She'd have seen him for sure!

A vibration wracked her body. It felt similar to the 'New Pony in Town' tingle, but slightly different. However, in her... excited state Pinkie didn't notice the difference.

She shot down the stairs and out the door in a blur of pink in search of her pegasus friend, only just missing her record for 'quickest time to go down stairs', but that was only by .00000354 of a second, and the result was probably changed when someone observed it anyway.

But this was about Rainbow Dash. The real problem would be finding her, and then maybe getting up into the clouds.

A streak of rainbow in the sky zooming past her door? Wow, that was lucky.

Pinkie sprinted/bounced/ballet-danced after her friend, wishing to get closer. Little did she know that her wish would be granted. Unseen, the strange black square from the package in her room had followed her from Sugar Cube Corner, and was now floating behind her, just out of her line of sight.

It heard her wish, and it decided to allow it:

[noclip Pinkie]

[noclip activated on player 'PinkieCakeLover69']

Pinkie shot up into the air without a moment's notice, rocketing past buildings. The other ponies on the street were staring at the flying pink streak, but shrugged it off as just another Pinkie being Pinkie moment. It should have probably worried the inhabitants of Ponyville that this could pass as normal for Pinkie, but again, they didn't pay that thought much notice either.

But a building was up ahead, and there was no was to avoid it! Pinkie hadn't yet figured out how to steer her new form of transport, and she did the only thing that come naturally to mind when you've suddenly found that you can fly for no apparent reason.

She wished for the building to disappear.

[ent_remove]

[ent_removed trollhouse/models/props/buildings/building34]

The house vanished, leaving a very confused shower, and a very annoyed bowl of petunias, whose only thoughts were, 'Oh, no. The author used me in another reference already.' The owners themselves were left in a very precarious position, as they tried to tiptoe down the non-existant stairs without falling from nothing, which in itself didn't exist. In fact, there seemed to be a distinct lack of existing in general concerning the house that wasn't a house, and was now, nothing.

But really, it was the owners' problem, so who cares.

Pinkie kept flying, not bothering to pay attention to where she was going. Sadly though, she wasn't getting any closer to the rainbow streak in the sky. She concentrated as hard as she could on steering to get away from all of the bystanders in the street, so she pointed her hooves up.

Sadly, the controls had been inverted, so Pinkie shot into the ground, entering a cave system full of what looked like walking fish. A mumbled apology and a hoof movement later and she was shooting through the sky again, this time in the right direction. One pedestrian that she had actually flown through wondered quietly to himself as to why he was standing in a yellow puddle all of a sudden.

But alas, her cyan friend was still too far away. Pinkie could go fast, but not that fast. Rainbow was like gummy before a bath, except way, way faster.

So Pinkie wished for her to stop.

[freeze player 'hotsformare speeder']

[froze player]

A loud cracking sound echoed around Pinkie's ears as Rainbow stopped completely in her tracks. Oddly, she stayed in mid-air and remained blissfully unaware of gravity. Probably a good thing too, as otherwise it might just look in her direction and demand to know exactly what the hell she thought that she was doing there.

Pinkie slowed to a stop right in front of her friend's face. "Hiya Rainbow!"

Her friend did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She tried again. "Watcha up to?"

Again, no response.

Pinkie gave a snort. "Aha! You're playing charades, aren't you?!"

Rainbow still did nothing.

"Okay then, two words?" Nothing. "Oh oh! I know! It's the existential crisis that occurs when a joke references itself and then goes on a surrealist rant! That's it I bet!"

Rainbow did nothing, which obviously meant that Pinkie had gotten it completely right, but that Rainbow didn't want to accept it.

"Oooh, that was a good one, but I'm the best at party games after all! So anyway, have you seen a new pony in town?" Pinkie was getting bored of having no response. Maybe Rainbow was ignoring her because... she was colourblind to pink! That was it! Now all she need to do was change her colour.

The console was listening in, and typed in the correct words...

The result was a brilliant blurple flying earth mare with a puffy orange mane that would make even Rarity jealous with the awesome matching colours and styling prowess. But Pinkie didn't care, she was too excited about winning such a good game of charades.

She turned to her motionless friend, "Oh well, I'm gonna go and see if Twilight has seen this new pony, SEEYA DASHIE!"

And with that she was off, speeding towards the ground at the speed of something that goes fast.

Five seconds later there was a curiously shaped hole in the wall of the Ponyville library, placed perfectly to coincide with Twilight's room.

Pinkie removed herself with gusto from the impromptu rubble and looked around. The inside looked like it had had some unexpected remodelling, and completely unplanned at that. The mare she was looking for was lying on her bed with a none too happy look on her face.

But that didn't matter, this is Pinkie we're talking about here.

And she knew how to handle situations like these.

"Hiya Twi!"

The slap of hoof against face could probably be heard from space, and indeed one of the outer-most planets started a bit at the noise. "Pinkie! What have y-"

"No time Twilight! I need your help finding somepony!"

"But why is your mane orange?! And why is your coat... that colour?!"

"No time to explain! Essence is money! And essence is of the time!!!!!'

Again, that outer planet started. That slapping noise seemed to be getting more frequent. "Fine! But just don't destroy my library on the way out!" She sighed, trying to reign in her annoyance, "What's her name?"

"Who?"

"The pony!"

"But that's not her name!"

"NO! WHAT'S THE PONY'S NAME!"

"Oh, it's sv_cheats!"

"...Ummmm, what?"

"You heard me! Look, I can probably find it som- Aha! Here it is!"

Silence, for once, filled the library, which was a bit worrying. Twilight was staring, awestruck, at the curious object that was floating beside her pink friend. It was looking at her, she was looking at it, Pinkie was looking out the window. Everyone was happy!

And then Twilight touched it.

It turns out that the console did not like to be touched by anything other than its master...

Otherwise things would go a little awry...

Pinkie sprang into mid-air, hovering, a black swirl forming in front of her. It widened for only a moment, before a multitude of creatures jumped out, waiting to attack ferociousl-

A small, sad looking cat with emphysema appeared, looking extremely dejected at the state of his outwards look, but as with many other things that had happened that day nopony cared.

Celestia appeared, followed by Luna, and Shining Armour, all looking more than a little confused. Outside of the library a flash mob started to the tune of 'I'm a believer'. A giant banana was off to the side doing a strange dance, while a few of the ponies lifted up to reveal that, not only were they not actually ponies, but that they were cardboard ponies being lifted up by some strange hairless monkey thing.

And then the sun decided that it would be a great time to stop her diet, so she lifted up Sugarcube Corner and ate it in one bite. A strange black thing with what looked like an eyepatch and a beanie wandered drunkenly past mumbling something about hats, while Twilight decided that there was no better time than the present and grabbed and dust can lid, a broom, and ran into the Everfree forest to attack the Hydra that lived there, shouting, "LEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOY WIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGGKINSSSSSSSSSS!"

The beanie-wearing hat-monkey promptly fell to the ground unconscious, still mumbling and making faint explosion noises from its mouth while Lyra ran in with a hacksaw... and a very disturbing look on her face. The awesomeness of the reference in that sentence suddenly made it turn blue.

And then a horse walked into a bar and got attacked by the barkeeper because apparently there were no horses allowed. The horse ignored his attacks as they were not very effective and decided to take a dump on the counter and then transform into a jet, which flew to someplace called Russia and bombed it.

Luna ran into the bar after the horse and started mouthing off at the barkeep about him being something called a noob, and telling him to ragequit.

Discord was walking around with a top hat and a cane, while hopping on one leg and discussing the finer principles of seventh-dimensional metaphysics with a headless toad. I wish that I could tell you exactly what they were talking about, but you need at least five lifetimes of solid study to have even a chance of understanding it.

A curious blue hedgehog sprinted into town, stole Celestia's tiara, and then ran away again shouting something about rings, while another monkey-hybrid walked around in long grass, finding creatures, and then throwing red balls at them as hard as he could. Needless to say, Fluttershy was more than a bit upset.

The Eiffel Tower fell straight from the sky and landed in a giant sandwich, and Chuck Norris ran in and started punching everyone with his awesome. In the background, a strange creature with glowing hair was looking at Chuck, before ripping off his curious looking monocle and started screaming something about high numbers, and being greater than them. Obviously a mathematician of course.

A few time travelling gypsies randomly popped up from nowhere and started throwing baby seals at people, while a pony in a suit holding a piece of paper was throwing boots at everyone's heads.

Pinkie was watching all of this with a crazy grin on her face. All of the things from her imagination were real! She could see just how much fun she was giving to everypony, so she got an even better idea.

She reached behind her back to look for the thing she wanted, all else being thrown out. An explosion rocked the landscape as an old grenade was found, and then discarded.

But then she found it, a device to get through dimensions. She was going to bring the party to everypony, no exceptions. At. All.

Mere moments after she disappeared from that plane of existance Marecury popped in for a little visit, but due to it being an inanimate spherical lump of molten space rock, it instantly collapsed and killed innumerable ponies on the ground.

And then the rest of the planets in the Geo-system, having not at all never not seen their not-a-friend un-crash into the planet that totally wasn't not there, decided that the party down on Equuis was too cool to miss out on, so they all gate-crashed it.

Elsewhere

"..."

"..."

"Wow..."

"Yeah..."

"I mean, I didn-"

"Shhhh, just... just don't say anything..." A blissful silence encompassed the area, "This is perfect as it is..."

"..."

"...Would you kindly remove your hoof from its current position?"

Molestia hurriedly leaped from her spot on top of her troll-happy counterpart and settled back on the couch to watch the scenes unfold in front of her. Trollestia heaved herself up only long enough to settle down on the oversized beanbag that was in the room with them.

Dominating the scenery was the enormous TV set, which currently had a perfect picture of the whole of what was once Ponyville, but which by now had turned into sausage custard, complete with Sh*t Loads of Bacon and JACK DANIELS! The two beings just sat there, marvelling at their prowess at ruining absolutely everything in life with one fell swoop.

And then Trollestia reached forwards to the reset button at the bottom of the TV, but she noticed something, her hoof was being blocked from reaching the full distance. There was something in the way. Something pink.

She looked up and her blood froze.

Elsewhere Elsewhere, that wasn't the Elsewhere that was Elsewhere from nowhere above the original Elsewhere, as that Elsewhere didn't exist. This was the Elsewhere that did exist above the other Elsewhere that was mentioned Somewhere.

The Author outside of the Author (outside of the inside-inside Author) looked up from his computer and into his head, which was currently filled with copious amounts of wat. It looked something like a pink-splosion, with bits of candy floss everywhere and a pogo stick jumping around the walls.

He threw the computer out of the window and hit a passing pedestrian, which then hit a car, which then caused a pile up outside. This delayed the Author-outside-Author's mail for a total of five minutes.

The only possible conclusion that we can come to from that is not to throw computers out windows.

A thoughtful silence settled over the room as the Author pulled another computer out of conveniently placed nowhere, before sitting down to start writing again, and possibly make something better this time. In the background one of the old episodes from season 4 was playing.

Oddly enough it seemed that every scene with Pinkie in it was mysteriously lacking said Pink Pony Party Performer...

Author's Note

Now this is the spot where I'm supposed to write something?

It is?

Good, then let us begin...

Okay, I honestly do not know where the hell I got this idea from. Chocolate milk before bed? A rip in space time, beaming stupid directly into my brain? Whatever it is, I don't even know.

Although I suspect that it was drugs, and no, I will not tell you my supplier.

*Cough cough* Pinkie *Cough*

No, I'm serious! Her cupcakes have something in them, I swear.

Anyway, hope you liked the chapter, and I'm thinking about extending this a bit more with a few more chapters, just to extend the randomness a little more. What do you think?

Don't forget to thumb and fav!

!derob teg I sa em ssentiw ,woN !zlul het htiw pu peek ot yrT

-Jorofrarie and me as well! Don't forget me! I love being me... But then who else would I be?!

Actually, that brings to mind this time where my Aut...