Author's Note
Please be aware I'm sick to death of tragedy, and drama. This site needs more comedy fics and longer ones especially in the current climate. I'm not a writer and will never pretend to be one, my editing this time around consisted of one quick skim over. This is designed to give people a laugh and a smile and if I manage that with one person, I'll be happy. Now that's over enjoy the craziness!
Dinner
Twilight sat at the head of a long dining table. To her left sat Moonlight and her parents whilst to her right resided Berry, Tempest, Rainbow Dash and Applejack. After the late finish of their meeting she'd offered to all of her friends the option of staying for dinner. Rarity though had made plans to meet Coco in Manehattan ahead of Manehattan's fashion week, one of the biggest events in Equestria's fashion calendar apparently. Fluttershy had stated that although she trusted Discord and Dr Fauna, it wouldn't be fair on them or the animals if she didn't get back to Ponyville as soon as possible. Pinkie Pie had decided to accompany her, stating it would be 'totally uncool' of her to let Fluttershy make the trip alone. With the new Wonderbolts season still a month or so away Dash had persuaded Applejack to stay the night, insisting that Big Mac could handle the farm for another day.
*
30 minutes previously
"Rainbow, it seems awfully inconsiderate of us to intrude on Twilight's personal time like this." Applejack enquired as the two mares trotted a little way behind the main party towards the dining hall. "What are you up to and don't you dare lie to me."
Rainbow sighed and looked deep into her marefriend's emerald eyes as they continued trotting. "Look, I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed, but even I can clearly see Sweet Apple Acres is built on a tightrope AJ. We are coming out of a second tough winter on the trot and both times."
"We have come out fine, I've checked and re-checked the books." Applejack interrupted.
"Maybe so, but there are now six of us under one roof during the winter months and with such bad weather outside we've been constantly getting under each others hooves. You not noticed how many late night walks Big Mac and Sugar Belle take?"
"I try not to notice."
"Look AJ, I know you love your family, but we simply can't go on like this. How long till Sugar Belle and Big Mac have a kid on the way? I want our own place and although there's not enough money solely on my Wonderbolts salary, if we could get a government loan and permission for this bar, we could easily put in a first floor flat for two and use the profits alongside my bolts money to pay back the loan. Not to far away from your family, but far enough for a little bit of freedom. That's why I wanted to stay behind, alongside finally getting some alone time with you tonight." She stared seductively at the mare trotting beside her.
"Oh" Applejack's face slowly went from orange to red before she lent over and whispered in her marefriend's ear "I love you Sugarcube."
*
Twilight sipped her drink daintily before trying to break the awkward silence that had fallen upon the room. "So, to get straight to the point, I believe there are two areas we need to discuss over dinner. Rainbow and Applejack, don't think I don't know why you really stayed on, you are still looking to strike a deal with Berry over opening a second bar in Ponyville."
"That ain't happening Twilight." Berry bluntly cut in, taking a swig from her own drink.
"Oh yeah, well how'd you like Sweet Apple Acres to stop supplying your bar with cider an apple whiskey among others?" Rainbow growled, glaring at the alicorn a couple of seats down from her.
Berry simply shrugged. "My bar would survive, but would Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Enough." Twilight took the opportunity to cut in and end this squabble before it escalated further. "We will discuss this later, right now we have a more pressing matter to deal with Berry. Our little Moonlight here in eleven months or less will need to start proper schooling and we need to discuss her options. Mum, dad, has she shown any indication as to what her special talent will be yet? I believe you said she had a gift for me?" Taking another sip of her drink.
"Hee hee, you're drinking it mumma." Moonlight cut in next to her.
"Wait, what! This is alcohol. Please tell me you haven't been turning my four year old filly into an alcoholic, I already have enough trouble with one of those." Twilight facehooved.
Rainbow Dash tried to cover her mouth with a hoof to stop her laughing once again.
Berry looked at her daughter with approval. "This is good, took me until I was at least six to make something this good. What you put in it?"
Moonlight grinned ecstatically. "I'm not totally sure, grandma Velvet just gave me some bottles and let me experiment. It just sort of happened."
"Mother, care to explain why you are letting a four year old filly mix alcoholic drinks." Twilight glared into her mothers eyes.
"I told her not to. Just because I left the liquor cabinet open one time and Moonlight got in and started mixing stuff." Night Light tried to pass the blame to his wife who in return scowled at him.
"Oh, so it was originally your fault. Now explain and give me something positive from this situation before I, I, you know what you are my parents and I can't actually do anything to you, so please just give me a good explanation. " Twilight sighed.
"Hey, there ain't nothing wrong with being a connoisseur of drinks" Berry commented.
"Yeah, so you can drug and rape ponies" Night Light muttered under his breath.
"Did you say something Blue Balls, because I'm itching to give you a shiner in return for the one you gave me at the Festival of the Two Sisters last year." Berry asked innocently.
"Berry, focus. This is neither the time nor the place to bring that up again. We are hear to discuss and determine where our daughter's future lies. Also, language in front of Moonlight. Dad, I heard what you said. One more comment like that and no dessert. I had AJ bring your favourite and unless you want Berry eating it in front of you I suggest you be quiet if you have nothing nice to say." Twilight threatened.
"Sorry love, I'll be good for the kid. Although you know firsthand being a bar owner has its perks!" Berry smiled flirtatiously before leaning over and kissing Twilight on the cheek. "Maybe we can revisit old times later tonight" she whispered in the other alicorn's ear before returning to her seat.
Twilight's wings sprang open. Most the table fell into a fit of giggles as Night Light gave Berry a death glare. Thankfully for the red faced Twilight she was saved any further embarrassment by the sound of a gong and the first course, carrot and coriander soup with ciabatta bread on the side, being brought out.
After a few minutes of the ponies tucking into their first course, including AJ staring stunned for a full minute at just how neatly Dash was eating, Twilight lowered her spoon to her bowl and asked her mother. "Now mother, explanation please."
"Of course dear. You see, as you are probably aware, nearly 90% of cutie marks and a pony's special talent is related to at least one of the parents. After the accident with the liquor cabinet, don't worry she didn't drink anything, just mixed up a lot of very good cocktails, I spent an evening going over ideas at what her special talent might be based on your talent, Berry's and a combination of the two. So far she'd shown no real interest in magic or reading up on spells such as yourself, often finding such books boring and opting to instead tear the pages out and make paper airplanes out of them." Velvet explained.
"Sacrilege, Moonlight, you should never damage literature that way. If you find a book boring just ask one of us to find you something you'd prefer to read. Some texts can be very old, rare and irreplaceable. To damage such texts would make mummy very sad. We don't want that now do we?" Twilight lectured her daughter.
Moonlight finished a spoonful of soup before replying, "no mummy, but they were really boring. That was until Grandma Velvet showed me all the ones with colourful bottles and pictures and let me make some of them. That was fun. Especially the ones that went boom or made rainbows."
Twilight coughed and spat the spoonful of soup she was consuming back into her bowl.
"Potions" Velvet blurted out before her daughter's anger could be directed at her. "I got the idea from combining Berry's ability to create drinks with your magical ability and it just popped into my head. Vaguely it's the magical equivalent of mixing drinks, with each ingredient needing to be an extremely precise amount and applied both at the right point and delicately, otherwise the potion just will not work, similar to how a drink will not taste right."
"Ingenious. It is nice to see somepony knows how difficult my job can be. So, how strong is her affinity for potions?" Berry queried.
"Very strong. I bought her a book the very next day along with some ingredients. Although she was initially skeptical, after showing her that by reading this we could make some fireworks, she gave it a go. I didn't hear a peep out of her for three hours until I went to check up on her and found a twelve foot Manticore in her place. Although I'd only provided her ingredients for a small fireworks and liquid rainbow potion, the little minx had managed to scuttle around the house and found just what she needed to transform herself. Scared me half to death, I was just thankful it was only temporary." Velvet recalled.
Moonlight chuckled. "Grandma Velvet screamed really loud".
Twilight chuckled "You remind me of myself at that age. I once teleported a book into the oven, set the whole kitchen on fire! Still, a transmogrification potion in one afternoon at four years old!!! I couldn't make one of those till I was twelve and even now I find them very tricky to pull off correctly. "
Moonlight beamed at her mother.
"Don't remind me of the kitchen incident" Velvet groaned. "You were more upset over the book than the carnage you'd caused to my kitchen. Took us a month to get it fixed. Anyway, over the past week she's been reading and experimenting more and more. Considering only around 10% or less of adult unicorns can perform Transmogrification potions, I called in a favour and had Apple Polish from the school assess her. Although her magical ability appears to be no more than average, Moonlight shows a phenomenally rare natural ability for mixing potions according to Mrs. Polish and can utilise such potions to bolster her magical ability. Even most dedicated individuals will master no more than ten to twenty complex potions over the course of their life. She'd mastered five by the end of the week, including one of Mage Meadowbrook's healing poultices."
"She's already mastered one of Meadowbrook's potions. You are just full of surprises today aren't you my filly. That is another seriously impressive feat." Twilight praised her daughter.
Moonlight's smile grew wider.
"Yes, well from mine and Mrs. Polish's observations, if nurtured correctly she could be developing her own potions before she hits her teenage years. The only question now is how do we do this. As you'll most certainly agree, the School for Gifted Unicorns is unlikely to be a suitable choice. She shows no real interest in other areas of magical studies and does not seem to have a strong enough magical ability generally to be considered either. Furthermore, as previously discussed, potion making is a rare talent that is usually only seen in zebras and as such the school would likely be limited on what they could teach her. Thus I think we'd be best looking at seeking the assistance of your zebra friend Zecora twice a week to assist Moonlight's magical development whilst I home school her a more traditional timetable during the rest of the week." Velvet laid her carefully thought out plans for Twilight to think over.
"Sounds fine to me" Berry said finishing her drink. "But you ever want me to teach her how to make a few more drinks..."
"NO" Twilight and Velvet both chorused at once.
"Okay, fine, no more showing Moonlight how to make drinks till she's older." Berry huffed.
"If I have my way it would be never, but I'm guessing with you that would be impossible, so I'll take what I can get." Twilight conceded.
"Oh Sparkie, you know me too well." Berry chuckled.
"Unfortunately, yes, yes I do." Twilight stated bluntly before turning back to her mother. "Mother that sounds like a wonderful plan. I'd love for her to have a more social school life than myself, but for now I feel the options you have provided are the best for all parties involved. I'll contact Zecora tomorrow. Right now I feel it is time for the."
"Mummy, who's Zecora?" Moonlight asked.
Twilight turned her attention back to her daughter. "She's a zebra. A very similar creature to us but with a number of different cultural beliefs and ways of living. Their magic is created through potions and poultices rather than a horn and Zecora is especially gifted in this area. She's one of my oldest friends from Ponyville and hopefully going to assist you with your new found gift."
"Ooooh, you mean I'm going to be allowed to make even more potins?" Moonlight looked like she was ready to burst.
"Potions my dear and if Zecora offers to teach you, then yes, but we will need to wait and see what her response will be. Now be a good little girl and finish your soup, the main course will be here shortly." Twilight answered just as another gong sounded and the main course, an assortment of curries, rices and other delicacies was brought out.
"Mmmm, these smell delightful Twilight. Saffron Masala's finest I presume." Night Light quipped.
"Of course. Now lets all tuck in before discussing our next topic." Twilight declared.
For a short while peace and quiet reigned on the dining hall as everypony enjoyed the delightful spread laid on by some of the finest chefs in Canterlot. Of course, it would be Rainbow Dash who would finally break the tranquility.
"So, lets get straight to the point. What will it take for you to allow us to open a bar at Sweet Apple Acres?"
"Nothing, because it isn't happening. No way am I letting any competition steal my trade right now. Berry's Bar is and shall remain the sole public house in the district of Ponyville, unless..."
"Unless what?" Applejack didn't want to ask.
"Well you see, with me traveling around a lot in recent years due to the new job, Pina has taken over the general running of the bar with some assistance from my first daughter Ruby. Although the latter's technically not old enough to run such an establishment as of yet she soon will be in the next year or so. I've already had to break up a few squabbles between them and the last thing I need is for them to be competing over each other rather than putting the bar's best interests at heart. But if they had a bar each, I feel the little bit of competition would only prove to be beneficial and profitable in the future. Obviously Sweet Apple Acres would receive more than adequate rent for providing their land and I'd even let you have use of any private dwelling incorporated into the plans. That to me sounds like more than fair." Berry rattled off.
Applejack though was not an easy mare to fool. "I don't know Sugarcube, that sounds almost to good to be true and I think we'd prefer to either do this venture ourselves or not at all."
"Fair enough, just thought I'd offer you the chance to get away from counting how many times a week your brother takes his slut of a wife out to pasture in the barn, but hey..." Berry didn't get any further. A half empty bowl of curry adorned her muzzle. A second shortly joined atop her head. Velvet glared at her husband for the latter as he looked away guiltily.
"You're lucky there's a filly present. No one and I mean no one insults mah family, yah hear. You're lucky I don't pull our contracts after that stunt. GLUMPH". An apple pie had landed in Applejack's face. An unmistakable mulberry horn poked out from underneath all the leftover curry.
"Oh no." Twilight groaned putting her head into her hooves as the final bell for dessert rang and trays upon trays laden with apple pies entered the room.
"FOOD FIGHT" Dash cried, launching towards the pies.
In a matter of moments the whole room had fallen into what could only be described as carnage. Tempest had hastily flipped a table and dragged her sister behind it as a barrage of pies and left over curry hurtled towards their location.
"Sister, give me one good reason, asides from being family, that I shouldn't just hand you over to the pissed off farm mare right now." Tempest barked.
"Would 'she's a stuck up bitch' or 'I'm drunk' suffice?" Berry asked.
"No."
"Okay, you got me. I was bored and it is just so easy and fun to rile Applejack up. She is also a bit of a stuck up bitch. We'll have our fun, then make peace and go over a deal tomorrow. I'll probably offer her some extra incentive or something to say sorry." Berry admitted, briefly exposing herself to lob a Pie at the orange earth pony. "Also, Twilight's father is a complete cock who deserves a pie in the face."
"I hate you so much." Tempest lamented, dodging out of cover for a moment to hurl naan breads at their attackers.
Meanwhile, Twilight simply sat at the head of the table they were previously eating off, head buried in her hooves whilst bits of pie, curry and who knows what entangled in her mane. "Now I remember why I don't invite Berry to any dinners." She mumbled as another pie flew past.
"Oh cheer up dear, it isn't all bad. Night Light is certainly enjoying himself" Her mother's voice echoed in her ear.
"EAT PIE YOU MULBERRY HARLOT" Night Light's voice reverberated around the room.
"Oh I'm sure you'd like to eat some of my pie. That's if if your wife ever let you of your UMF." Berry's words were abruptly cut off by an almost direct hit from the opposition.
Twilight slowly lifted her head off the dinner table and looked into her mother's eyes. "Is it to much to ask for just one normal dinner in this family?"
SPLAT, a pie hit her squarely between the eyes.
"That's for the kitchen, I really liked that kitchen you little book wielding terror." Velvet snickered making a dart for where Berry and Tempest were hunkered down. "Come and get me if you think you can."
Twilight wiped the pie from her face, a wide Creeplestia grin plastering her muzzle. "Oh it is on."
*
Ten minutes later and what was once one of the highlights of the castle tour was now nothing short of a war zone. A gooey, sticky war zone. Rainbow Dash hung dazed from the chandelier, whilst Tempest was frogmarching both Velvet and Berry from their table fortress.
"Traitor" they cried as Tempest pushed them in front of Applejack, Twilight and Night Light.
"What shall we do with these miscreants my queen," Tempest over elaborately knelled in front of Twilight. Just moments before, seeing how they were slowly running out of ammunition, Tempest had decided to 'get some payback on her sister' by planting a pie each in both the back of hers and Velvet's heads before dragging them outta hiding.
"Oh you have done well my loyal subject. I knew you'd never turn against me. I suggest having them pied by firing range and then forced to clean this debauchery up. Maybe if I'm kind they'll get more help than just a toothbrush each." Twilight cackled getting in on the act before arching down to her mother. "Thought you could get away with pieing me whilst my guard was down did you, let's see how you like it."
A Pie levitated itself in front of Twilight as Velvet squirmed.
"Please, have mercy. Not the pie, anything but" SPLAT. Velvet fell quiet.
"Applejack, would you like to do the honour with Berry?" Twilight inquired.
"You bet sugar. She's going to regret the day she insulted mah family." Applejack sauntered forward, taking a pie in her hooves.
"Hey, Applejack, I hope you know I didn't really" CLANG.
Everypony stared at the farm mare in shock as Berry collapsed to the floor.
"You got a good right hook Jackie." Berry applauded.
"Oops, silly me, looks like I threw the pie tin the wrong way and forgot to let go" Applejack pleaded her innocence as she leaned in and whispered in Berry's ear. "You ever insult my family again, even for a joke, nopony will ever find the body, alicorn or not. Remember that."
Berry nodded swiftly as the Earth pony moved away.
"Now I do believe we all have one hell of a mess to clear up before calling it a night. Rainbow get that fat flank of yours of the chandelier and give us a hoof." Applejack instructed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"What in tarnation was that?"
Twilight suddenly looked around frantically. "Moonlight, where's Moonlight? Anyone seen her." She was gone before anypony could reply shooting out the doors at breakneck speed. Dash, suddenly alert from the scream, shot out after her, swiftly followed by everypony else.
*
Rainbow Dash crashed into the back of a statue as she tried in vain to keep up with Twilight's mad search for her daughter. After taking several seconds to regain her bearings she realised this soft, furry plump thing she'd crashed into was actually Twilight's flank.
"Yo Twi, what's up? You found her or what?" Rainbow quizzed, suddenly noticing the alicorn's face was completely frozen in a seemingly look of perpetual shock even when she waved a hoof in front of the other mare's face. "Huh, weird." She turned as she heard hoofsteps approaching in the hall. "Hey, in here. I found Twi, but she seems.."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HELP, MUMMIES HELP ME!" Moonlight cried and for the first time Dash looked up.
Three things registered simultaneously with Rainbow Dash:
1) She did not believe that hole in the wall should be there.
2) Nowhere in today's weather report did it state cloudy skies with a chance of tentacles.
3) Said tentacles were now holding Moonlight captive and attempting to pull her into some kind of glowing portal in the clouds where they were originating from.
"Oh buck. Huh Twi, looks like your daughter prefers tentacles over horns."
The Evening Entertainment
Rainbow Dash was falling. That was weird. The last thing she remembered was, ah, yeah, she probably shouldn't have implied Twilight's four year old daughter was a sexual degenerate in front of her and her family's faces. That was probably why she was now currently hurtling through the air towards the bottom of Mount Canter at five thousand trots a minute with blood oozing down her face. She released her wings and just as it looked like she was about to become a pony pancake she banked sharply into a curve before soaring upward back towards the castle and that thing upstairs that seemed to be ripping a hole in the fabric of reality. Just looking at it made Rainbow Dash want to puke and then sonic rainboom the heck out of there. Sadly, she also remembered Twilight's words as she was ungraciously catapulted by the pissed off alicorn's magic out of the latest gaping hole to adorn the castle.
"Don't come back till you have my daughter, or else" she'd said with a tone of dread that had made even Rainbow piss herself before passing out in terror, although the latter might also have had something to do with the enraged alicorn ripping off her right ear before hurling her out of the castle.
Rainbow sighed, she really should have paid more attention to Twilight's earlier warning. Now, how was she going to rescue Moonlight whilst somehow maintaining this latest adventures teenage rating, which was, with every passing moment, becoming more and more questionable as the tentacles advanced further and further into Equestria. They certainly did not look like they belonged to anything friendly and there were a lot of them. Rainbow hovered in the air for a moment and tried to come up with a plan.
"Help" Moonlight screamed, worthlessly struggling as she neared ever closer to the portal.
"Oh buck it" Rainbow sighed, shooting across the sky into unfathomable danger with absolutely no clue what she was actually going to do. "Nothing new", she mumbled as the tentacles raced towards her. "Don't worry Moonlight, auntie Rainbow is on her way!"
4 minutes earlier
THWACK "you crazy fucking bitch I'll kill you!!!" Applejack was less than happy. To be fair it is highly unlikely anypony would be overjoyed in seeing their special somepony have an ear forcibly removed and then thrown out of a building with a couple of hundred feet drop to the ground below.
Berry, Night Light and Tempest held back the fuming farm mare from stomping the now unconscious alicorn into nothing more than canned griffon meat. Impressively she'd actually knocked Twilight out stone cold . Unfortunately this also meant that their best possible weapon in sorting this mess out was now outta action and that left them with a drunk with a black eye, her bodyguard, an impulsive one eared pegasus, her currently mentally unstable marefriend and Twilight's parents. It sounded like the crew of the worst pirate ship to ever fly across the badlands. Of course, all pirate ships need some sort of medic.
"Do my eyes deceive me. What in Equestria is this I see?" Zecora quizzed, stumbling in on the carnage. "Spike told me of a filly with a skill of potion brewing. I'm guessing it is she who has meddled with forces unknown and now requires her work undoing." The zebra pointed at the madness adorning the Canterlot evening sky.
"Err, yes. Mrs. Zecora I presume. I'm Twilight Velvet, Twilight Sparkle's mother. I'm the one who sent Spike to acquire your services, although I fear you may have arrived to late. Is there anyway to undo what my granddaughter has done?"
"Once a potion has been spun, it can never be undone. Yet another potion you will need, to re-imprison what has been freed. Do not worry anymore, as I will soon ensure, that those tentacles will be nevermore."
"Sweet Celestia that cauldron is heavy." Spike groaned, finally catching up to Zecora in the tower. "Woah, those tentacles look like they mean business. At least Twilight, oh." He noticed the still form of the alicorn on the floor and the still raging earth pony who now had Berry sitting atop her. "Do I even want to ask?"
"No time. Come now my dragon friend, we have a rift to mend." Zecora urged, unaware of a lone tentacle that had slithered up behind her and wrapped itself around one of her rear hooves. She looked down as it touched and then stared into Velvet's eyes whilst wrapping her arms around the other mares neck. "Oh my, it looks like we're about to die."
"What!" Velvet screamed as the zebra was yanked from the building taking the startled mare with her.
Tempest took a small hip flask from a hidden compartment on her vest and downed the contents. "Well, anyone else got any bright..."
She never finished as a sonic rainboom filled the sky.
"What in Equestria is happening now?" She grumbled.
"Rainbow?" Applejack forced herself out from underneath Berry, toppling the alicorn mare over. "C'mon sugarcube, please be alright."
As if on cue a cyan and red blur burst through the opening in the wall followed by an array of angry looking tentacles. As quick as a flash Tempest bucked two of her magical orbs that reduced the tentacles to nothing more than garden features as Rainbow smashed side on into the opposite wall, protecting the bundle that was cradled in her chest as she slumped to the ground under a pile of dust and plaster.
"One filly, as promised. You owe me a wing and an ear." Rainbow's voice reverberated around the room as she released Moonlight from her chest.
Moonlight looked around nervously, a little dazed and confused but otherwise unharmed.
"Oh fuck that's a lot of blood, guess there goes the teenage rating. I'm just going to sleep here for a few minutes." Rainbow's eyelids grew heavy as a voice continuously calling her name grew fainter and fainter in her one remaining ear.
*
3 minutes earlier
Rainbow darted in between tentacle after tentacle, but every time she felt she was getting closer to the crying filly , yet another tentacle seemed to block her path.
"Gah, this is hopeless." She grumbled to herself, swatting another tentacle aside whilst dodging yet another as she tried to come up with any sort of a plan. "How many tentacles does this thing have?"
"Mummies, please help me!" Moonlight's distant cry met her ears.
Rainbow dodged past another collection of tentacles and finally, there out of the corner of her eye she saw the poor filly only seconds away from being dragged into that portal to who knows where. There was no more time for stealth. She charged up her wings and drove herself onward.
...
...
...
She was losing altitude fast. The pain was unbearable, but she had to remain conscious, for her. She'd pulled Moonlight free and burst from the cloud of tentacles in her usual awesome way. Unfortunately, for once, Rainbow Awesome Dash just hadn't been quite quick enough. She just hoped they had enough momentum to make it back to the castle.
Moonlight sniffled.
"Hey kid, don't you worry none. Auntie Rainbow Dash has you now and nothing and I mean nothing is going to harm you whilst I've got you."
"But, but your wing."
"Meh, I'm sure Rarity and Twilight will come up with something. Besides its still better than what your mother would have done to me if I hadn't saved you" Rainbow chuckled nervously. "Now brace yourself little one, this is going to be a bumpy landing."
*
Present time
"Rainbow, wake up ya hear me. Twilight dammit don't you dare die on me you idiotic mare of a bitch" Applejack screamed, tears flowing down her face as she held her marefriend tightly.
"Hey, don't you call my mother a bitch." The pegasus rasped chuckling, momentarily waking up, her breathing shallow. "Hey AJ, this might be because I'm in considerable pain and completely out of my senses right now, but when all this is over, will you marry me." Rainbow's voice faded away on the last word.
"Yes, of course I will you dumb oaf." She cried openly, a river tears hitting the floor as she lugged Rainbow Dash onto her back and bolted out the tower running as fast as she could towards the castles medical wing.
Silence reigned for a moment as they left.
"Err, not to ruin the moment or anything, but we've still got a tentacle monster from another dimension loose in the sky. Plus my wife is now somewhere up there along with Zecora." Night Light exclaimed.
"Grandma Velvet's been Tentaclenapped" Moonlight wailed as she tried shaking the unconscious Twilight awake from the floor. "And why won't mummy Twi wake up?"
"Oh here, let me help you Moonlight." Berry trotted over and poured a bottle of wine down the unconscious alicorn's throat.
Twilight awoke with a start, coughing and spluttering the wine up. "What in Equestria?"
"No time. We need you and our daughter to come up with something to stop those tentacles. Explanations later, just get to work."
"Moonlight?" Twilight's eyes fixed onto her daughter's as her senses returned. "Is it really you?" Not believing her eyes she grabbed the filly into a hug and squeezed her as tightly as she could. "Oh you had mummy so scared, don't you ever, ever do something so dangerous again!"
"I'm sorry mummy, I was bored with the grown ups bickering so went exploring and found this place. I was just trying to make something special for you." The filly explained.
A cough from across the room interrupted the tender mother daughter moment. "Twilight, not to cut this embrace short, but we've a whole load of..." A lavender shield erected itself around the room. "Huh, guess that'll do for now." Berry concluded as another wave of tentacles smashed into the shield. "Still, think you and Moonlight can work something out before we are all violated, become food or worse."
Twilight lowered her filly down to the floor. "Moonlight, I know some of them may have been destroyed during your experimenting but I need you to try and recall as many of the vials and bottles you used when you created your little accident so that mummy can understand and help make the mean tentacles go away, understand?"
Moonlight nodded her little head. "Well I..."
Twilight listened intently as the tentacles continued their barrage on her shield. Nodding her head occasionally in understanding within a minute she had pieced together the information she required. Her four year old filly had been trying to create a firework potion to show off to her, but had accidentally created a magical bomb so powerful it had ripped apart the fabric of reality. She was unsure whether to be proud, angry or worried over what her daughter had done at such a young age. Although her magic didn't seem overly powerful, when combined with physical magic it seemed to amplify it to a whole other level.
"Okay Missy, here's the deal. You help me tidy up this mess and save Equestria and I won't punish you further, we got a deal?"
Moonlight nodded her head in response to her mother.
"Good. Now what I need you and Berry to do is create some potions that'll make the creature think twice about invading our land, I'm thinking Molotov cocktails. Berry has an assortment of liquors at her disposal I'm sure you can use and before you complain Berry, I'll cover the cost as expenses. Now, Night Light, you assist Tempest in keeping the Tentacles off them whilst they are manufacturing and then assist in forcing the tentacles back through the portal. Spike and me will be the air support and try and rescue any ponies the tentacles may have already grabbed from the streets below. Once we've forced it back into its own dimension I should be able to close the dimensional rift using the magic Discord taught me after that incident at the Grand Galloping Gala with Tree Hugger. One more thing, Where's mum?"
*
6 minutes previously
Velvet hung onto Zecora for dear life. "Don't you even think about dropping me." She screeched as the tentacles pulled them out into the dimming light of the evening sky.
"I assure you I'm doing my best, but I do not jest, when I suggest, you are causing my limbs to be very stressed"
"Are you calling me fat?"
"Not at all, but you are also no rag doll."
"Humph. Woah, hey, getting kinda frisky there." Velvet clamored as a tentacle wrapped itself around her.
"Well look on the bright side, at least I now won't drop your backside."
"Good point. How long do you think we are going to be hanging around here for?"
"I doubt it'll be long, until we're are either saved or singing our swan song. It is becoming clearer, that we are edging ever nearer, to that portal and we certainly are not immortal!"
"Oh yeah, you are right. I could probably blast these tentacles, but if some more didn't restrain us we'd just end up as a very sticky mess at the bottom of Mount Canter."
"I think I'd have to agree, that we just have to wait and see."
"Oh girls, you've really got yourself in a bit of a bind, haven't you." A voice wafted across the air.
"Who is that who hides from sight,"
"Oh won't you save us from our plight. I do so adore you zebras and your rhymes. Now how about we go find Twilight and sort this mess out."
SNAP
*
"What do you mean the tentacles took her and Zecora!!!" Twilight groaned.
"Is this also a bad time to say that Rainbow Dash might be dead and you've a very nice black eye" Spike admitted.
"WHAT!"
SNAP
A startled zebra and Velvet landed atop Twilight as Discord floated down from the ceiling.
"Evening princess. How are things going for you?"
"Discord, either solve this mess or" Twilight's mouth zipped shut.
"Now, now, we wouldn't want your filly learning any naughty words would we." The draconequus lectured. "And really, that's the thanks I get for saving your mother from becoming monster chow. Come now Twilight, surely a thank you is in order?" He snapped the zip away and looked expectantly at the princess.
"Ugh, thank you for saving my mother, will you please assist us in ridding Canterlot of this tentacle monster" Twilight grumbled pushing Zecora and Velvet off her before standing to face the Draconequus.
"His name is Hen Tai and he's from rather a nasty dimension. Good thing the portal isn't big enough for him to fully merge here and no creature has been pulled through it yet. Trust me when I tell you it would certainly be a one way trip. Lots of teeth and/or tentacles. A very painful and very messy way to go. Anyway you are probably wondering why I am here."
"No, either help us or go away. I've had enough problems for one day already without you adding" the zip reappeared on Twilight's mouth.
"Oh Twilight when will you learn. If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all. Anyway, where was I. Ah yes, well you see like many forms of magic there is both positive and negative chaos. In this dimension I want only positive fun chaos, chocolate rain, gingerbread houses, making ponies talk in sound effect."
"I'd rather have..." Twilight had worked out how to remove the zip.
SNAP
"HONK, PONY MATING NOISES" Twilight clamped a hoof over her mouth.
Moonlight giggled.
"I did warn you dear. Now where was I. Ah yes, simply put that is a big pile of negative chaos out there and I want it gone as soon as possible. It ruins, what was that word Tree Hugger used, my chakra or something along those lines. Now, onward my valiant knights to battle." Discord snapped his talons once again and suddenly everycreature in the room was outfitted in an Ogres and Oubliettes costume.
"Thanks a lot for dressing me up like the town harlot" Berry deadpanned, now sporting a princess costume.
"Ditto" Violet commented, now wearing a nurse's outfit as her husband ogled her. Night Light himself now donned armour and a sword.
"Ooo, I'm Robin Hoof" Moonlight giggled.
Tempest pulled out another hip flask from somewhere and downed the contents. Interestingly, her outfit hadn't changed.
Zecora donned her Nightmare Night outfit from the first time she met Luna along with a mask from her hut.
Twilight, now sporting similar attire to Starswirl the Bearded decided to simply lower the shield so they could get this night over with. "AWOOOOOOOOOOO" she howled as the tentacles sprang forward.
*
Twilight fired another blast of magic and yet another tentacle receded. Behind her yet another massive explosion meant more tentacles and its bizarre white sticky blood falling on Canterlot. Crap. Those Molotov cocktails certainly were effective, but also very messy. The clean up bill after this was going to be massive. It was also somewhat alarming how quickly her filly had been able to create such a destructive weapon. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted though by Spike.
"Err, Twilight. Good news and bad news. The good news is that after nearly an hour of fighting this monster we're finally managing to force it back through the portal. The bad news is, it may have deflected one of the cocktails onto Blueblood's mansion." Spike updated her.
"Please tell me that prick was home."
"Sadly not, he's at a meeting in Fillydelphia all week."
"Bollocks." Twilight vaporised another tentacle that was getting to close for comfort.
"On the plus side, no pony is willing to work for him anymore, so there shouldn't haven't been any casualties."
"Well that's at least one positive." Twilight blasted yet another tentacle and another.
"On another point, Discord may have altered my dragon fire on one occasion and sent one of the tentacles to Celestia."
"WHAT!"
Meanwhile at Silver Shoals
Celestia was snoring like a pig in a luxurious princess sized bed when something giant and slimy landed atop her.
"Huh? What in Equestria?" She peeled back her sleeping mask to reveal the giant tentacle that now lay across her bed covers. "Twilight, just what have you gotten yourself into this time. I suppose, at least I can have some fun with this. Finally, Luna won't know what hit her. This'll teach her for lacing my cake with laxative last week." She grinned mischievously.
Back in Canterlot
"Oh no, oh no, oh no" Twilight hyper ventilated.
"Chill, Twilight. I'm sure it won't be that bad." Spike tried to delay the inevitable Twilighting episode. "Plus, more important things to consider right now." He fried yet another tentacle, thankfully not sending this one to the former ruler of Equestria.
Taking a few deep breaths Twilight glared at the dragon. "Agreed, doesn't mean you are getting away with it." Yet another tentacle fell upon Canterlot below as she thought to herself.
"What, what did I do? It was all Discord's fault." Spike looked away Sheepishly.
"Yeah and that bottle of Nightmare Moonshine under your wing is solely a coincidence?" Twilight looked at him disapprovingly.
"Err..."
"I'm sure Moonlight will need a willing volunteer to trial some of her potions in the future. She'll definitely need supervision whilst practicing after this."
Spike's face fell. "Please Twilight, anything but that. Next time she'll probably summon a devil hound!".
"You should have thought about that earlier then. You play with fire, expect to get burned. Now, looks like our uninvited guest has finally got the message, only took 69 bucking minutes. Time to seal that portal.
*
The portal was sealed, her family had retired to the guest quarters for the night and no casualties had thus far been reported. So overall, asides from the massive amount of clean up required, some expenses for Berry, a tower to fix, and explaining to Celestia why a massive tentacle had been sent to her, Twilight would class it as no harm done. She did also need to think up an excuse for the event that occurred, although an experiment by a new student at the school going catastrophically wrong should work out fine. Poor Moonlight had been so tuckered out and used so much magic for a filly her age she'd fallen asleep midway through the battle. Velvet had thankfully kept her safe whilst Berry continued supplying ammunition for Night Light and Tempest's bombardment on the tentacles. Discord had conveniently made himself sparse towards the end of the battle. The choice words she had for him would have to wait. At least he'd returned her voice back to normal as the battle began...
SNAP
Wait a moment, she tried to speak but found it replaced by a chorus of birds chirping. Oh for...
"Oh Twilight, you're so easy to tease. It'll wear off by morning, now gotta dash, Fluttershy will be wondering where I am when she gets home."
"DISCORD" she tried to scream but all that came out was that of an alarm going off.
SNAP
And with that, as quickly as he'd appeared Discord was gone. The sound of rainwater followed by snoring exited Twilight's mouth. Ugh, she definitely could do with a shower and bed right now, but there was one more thing she just had to do before she could put everything else off till tomorrow. Rainbow Dash. She stared through the gaping hole in the tower at the clear night sky, losing herself in the beauty of the stars way above. If it hadn't been for one of her best friends Moonlight, no, she couldn't let herself even fathom to imagine that, and after how badly she'd treated Rainbow to. Twilight curled up into a ball and let the tears flow out and down her cheeks. The gravity of what she had done finally hit her like a brick. How had she let her emotions get that much control over her? How could she ever make it up to Rainbow? As she wallowed in her self-pity she barely registered the door to the tower opening and Spike walking in.
"Alright, everycreature is settled in and comfortable in the guest wing. Even Discord said goodbye on my way back..." Spike stopped as he caught a good glimpse of Twilight. Sighing he sat down next to the alicorn. "I was wondering how long it would be till we had the Twilight breakdown."
Twilight sniffled, the sound of a Trumpet playing a few downbeat notes escaping her mouth.
Spike looked at her quizzically for a moment, then guessed what had happened. "Discord sound effect your voice again."
She nodded sorrowfully in among all the tears that lined her face.
"Discord, I know you can hear me. If her voice isn't returned this instant, no Ogres and Oubliettes for a whole moon."
"Party pooper." Discord's voice reverberated around the room before another SNAP was heard.
"Thanks Discord, I'll see you next week."
"You better." was the reply before utter silence fell upon the room bar from the odd sniffle from Twilight.
After a while, when Spike was pretty sure Discord had left, he tried to start the awkward conversation that was required. "So, how about I make a deal with you. You promise to tell me what's on your mind in exchange for a hug." He leaned in and wrapped his arms around the alicorn. "C'mon now Twi, you know you can trust me."
Through the sniffles it all came out. "I'm nothing, but a monster. I'm not sure I can ever bare to face Rainbow again seeing what I've done to her. What if I turn one day like Luna and do even worse things to my friends and family? What if Moonlight had seen me acting that way tonight? What if I'd lost Moonlight tonight, I can't even think about how that might effect me? I deserve to be locked away where I can't cause anycreature harm, that's what I deserve."
"Hold on their Twilight, you're rambling again. You just need to remember that Rainbow is your friend and always will be, no matter what she'll forgive you, especially since you'll be buying them their own place as an engagement present and funding a robotic wing for Rainbow as a reward for saving Moonlight."
Twilight's jaw dropped.
"Oh right, I forgot you were unconscious at the time. Simple story, she performed a sonic rainboom to get through the tentacles and rescue Moonlight, unfortunately one got a hold of her left wing as she broke free and with the speed she was going at it was ripped clean off. Amazing how she still managed to make it back to the castle, especially as she was carrying Moonlight. She also cracked a number of ribs upon crash landing into a wall among a number of other cuts and bruises. It was one Tartarus of a landing, surprised she didn't cause herself more damage. Anyway, her last words before passing out were a proposal to AJ."
"Wow, she went through all that for Moonlight and after I'd treated her so poorly. She really is the embodiment of her element." Twilight's head drooped again.
"Yes, because she is your friend and she saw how much you were hurting. What happened tonight was brought on not by rage and hatred like Luna, but of a mother's love for her child and the fear of losing her. I might not have been there, but I can't imagine the pain you felt at seeing Moonlight in such danger and almost powerless to do anything. Yes the ear might have been a little harsh, but it got the message and urgency over to Dash. Thinking about it, I honestly don't know if Moonlight would be here right now if it wasn't for your actions and as Applejack would say, that's the honest truth sugarcube. Your filly was in tremendous danger and you had to act fast. Rainbow Dash was likely the only pony quick enough to dodge those tentacles and get to her, alongside being the only pony reckless enough to go up against a giant monster single hoofed. Even she only managed to save Moonlight with a sonic rainboom and still lost a wing in doing so. Tell me I'm wrong, but by doing what you did, it probably got Dash's utmost out of her. Although you could have just told her to save your filly, would it have had the same emphasis? Would she have got to Moonlight in time? We'll never know. But to dwell on the past and what could have happened is not going to help. We need to ensure that what Dash sacrificed today was not in vain and that you treasure every moment you get with your daughter, because Twilight, you are not a monster, you are a mother."
Twilight simply stared at Spike open mouthed as he finished his speech.
"To much?" Spike cringed.
The waterworks were back, but this time ones of relief. "No. It was perfect, you really mean it?"
"Yes, every word. Now I think there is a couple of ponies you need to see. Plus I'd really like to get some sleep at some point tonight."
*
Spike and Twilight stood open mouthed in the doorway of the infirmary, their eyes bulging. They’d expected to open the door to the infirmary to find Applejack doting over a comatosed Rainbow Dash in a hospital bed, not vigorously making out and dry humping her in that hospital bed.
"Well, didn't take long for them to consummate their engagement. I think we should come back tomorrow" Spike deadpanned.
"Oh AJ, right there, yes..."
"Yep, definitely come back tomorrow." Spike turned and started to walk away, he'd already heard to much. He was suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.
Twilight had wolf whistled. She hadn't meant to, it had just come out.
Rainbow and Applejack's heads turned, the latter turning from an orange to bright red.
"You saucy bitch, how long you been ogling us." Rainbow jested. "If you're enjoying the show that much why don't you join in." She smirked wickedly. "I already know you're into a bit of BDSM."
Twilight's wings flared. Her face was scarlet. She tried to speak, all that came out was canned laughter.
Frozen to the floor in embarrassment, Spike had to physically drag the princess from the room before ushering the quickest apology. "Real sorry girls about that. I think she might still be suffering some after effects of a spell from Discord. Please forget we were even here." He quickly slammed the door shut.
Rainbow turned her face back to the red faced Earth Pony. "So nurse, you going to continue giving me my medicine or what?"
Author's Note
Discord: Well Spike only said to return her voice, nothing about removing the sound effects!
AppleDash is best ship!
The website RhymeZone assisted with the rhymes.
Now to take a long break from writing, this second half especially dragged, trying to come up with a light hearted ending especially tricky. Anyway, till next time, stay safe everypony or whatever you are.
