The Conversion Bureau: Snappleblossom syrup's parody and Dave Hester’s brain bleaching

by Da Bunnana King

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human
Length: 1732

Its not misanthropic... I swear.

Dave Hester is your average fat misanthropic emo man with a grudge against society, so he goes on a quest to find a reason to ponify himself along with a filly called Snappleblossom.

Published 2012-08-22 19:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-22 19:34:02 UTC

Snapplebloom, destroyer of stories and writting careers

The Conversion Bureau: Snappleblossom syrup's parody and Dave Hester’s brain bleching

By Da Bunnana King

One day in the depressing land of corporate North Canada'Merica land lived a little boy who hated the world for what it was. His name was Dave Hester who was a sixteen year old misanthrope that looked like he was forty two because of all the super beer and cigaweed he did on a daily basis. He was a short, balding fat boy that had black hair that covered the left side of his face to shield his pasty white skin that was riddle with pimples.

"Uuu," he moaned with angst, "I can't believe my parents allow me to go to a conversion bureau. Why can't they be like the rest of humanity and be scumbags and oppressive."

For you see, Dave was no ordinary angst ridden emo kid, but he was son to the rich and famous Carl Checkislavania, who was the famous inventor of the automatic toilet seat opener and the automatic toilet seat closer. The family was more rich than the whole country of Super Mexico that had become wealthy a all buildings were made by the resourceful men and woman of Super Mexico.

Dave changed his last name from his original family name because he was an attention seeking emo that wanted to be the worlds most angstiest kid. To say the least he was very high up in the angst meter as he had a Chirpbook account that posted pictures of sad clowns and depressing messages about how much humanity sucked.

"Snapplebloom!" cries his only friend who happened to be a small orange alicorn with a red mane and a large red bow in her mane. As the alicorn teleported herself and several large wheels of cheese.

"What do you want Snappleblossom Syrup?" asked Dave as Snappleblossom began to gnaw on Dave's keyboard on his one thousand inch iPear computer with built in tumble dryer and a brick to help create dubstep upon the turning on of the machine.

"Zapplebloom soup!" yelled the small filly as she began to gnaw on the table the keyboard rested on.

"Why should I go to the conversion bureau? We all know my parents are accepting of my decisions and it would make me less emo because the potion turns the person into a brain bleached slave of Princess Trollestia and he legion of Crab people," said the depressed fat kid as he began to blacken his eyes with a Sharpie pen.

"All hail the soup of Queen Snapplebloom," replied the filly as she began to roll around on the roof of colorful room of Dave's little sisters room that was covered with Justin Believer, Several Dimensions and Nebraska Alaska posters along with her large collection of My Tiny Equine created by Snazbro Inc.

"Well I guess we could go see if we could annoy the Human Liberal Front or the Ponies for Earth's Rehabilitation to see if they could give me a reason to ponify myself," said the emo as he placed on seven different belts and large black boots and waddled out of the pink room of his sister.

The two lone misfits traveled down the long and unforgiving road as many cars were abandoned and had been stripped of all parts. The buildings were either destroyed or abandoned by their previous tenants.

“This is why I hate humanity,” groaned the waddling ball of fat covered head to two in black.

“You hate everything besides apples,” said the mentally challenged alicorn as she flew upside down.

“At least apples don’t kill millions to get murder babies,” moaned Dave as he continued to waddle down the street in search of the HLF.

"Look there’s a pony," loudly whispered a crackly sounding man from in the shadows of the destroyed deli.

"Well lets hurt it then," said a high pitched and whinny sounding voice.

"Alright on the count of three we get them. One, two, four!" yelled a small grey shirted man with an orange symbol on his chest along with a man that stood higher than most men that only went around bear chested.

"Oh no," sarcastically yelled the unamused David, "Its the HLF, what shall I ever do?"

"Hand over your genocidal communist pony and well make sure not to kill you today... maybe'" said the massive man in the high pitched voice.

"No and why don't you hunt me down so I have a reason to go get ponified," David said unempressed as he blew his massive lock of hair from his face.

"Why would we do that? We just want the Commipony so we can shove freedom bullets into it then freedom bullets into, if we feel like it," said the large whinny man as he pulled the bolt back on a massive over sized M16 Freedom gun with it's Canada'Merica land flag on it.

“Because I have nothing stopping me from becoming a pony and I thought you guys would chase me or something until I escaped to Equestria,” he groaned out as he began tapping his foot as Snappleblossom floated upside down next to David.

“Well we can’t help you there,” said the massive man as he rubbed the back of his neck, “But maybe if you ask the PER they could chase you around. I think their leader Grey Crusade is in that dressclub over there.”

“Well thanks for the help,” David said waving goodbye to the two strange men.

David approached the dressclub that was promptly named ‘Saddles ‘n’ socks’. The bouncer out the front was a large brown earthpony stallion wearing a black shirt with ‘Security’ written on it along with a dark pair of sunglasses and an earpiece.

The two simply walked in as the security guard was too distracted with a butterfly that conveniently floated by.

As they entered the club the could begin to smell the booze and sweat that had been trapped in there by the doors.

The strange thing was that there were no mares placing on scantly clad clothing but instead stallions placing on socks. There was one grey unicorn stallion who was sitting their surrounded by stallions that were trying to attract his attention.

The small fat emo walked over to the stallion who was immediately staring down David as Snappleblossom began staring at the stallions on stage.

“So I guess you’re Grey Crusade,” said David as he stood in front of the hansom stallion that emanated sexyness from his very coat.

“It seems my reputation proceeds me,” Grey said in the voice that sounded like a quire of angels, “So what can I do for you?”

“I need someone to chase me around so I have a reason to ponify,” replied David.

“Why would you need a reason to ponify?” asked Grey as he was baffled by the round man child.

“Because otherwise I don’t have a reason to get ponified,” moaned David.

“Shouldn’t you ponify yourself because it’s your own decision to get a better life, instead of looking for a reason to ponify,”

“Yeah but that’s no fun and sounds boring,”

“Just go an ponify yourself, you know you want too,” said the more attractive looking stallion as more stallions began to surround him.

“FINE!” yelled the annoyed emo as he stormed out of the dressclub with Snappleblossom that had changed it’s name to, ‘Stallions in socks’.

David went into the Conversion Bureau that was an old hospital remodeled for the operation of the Bureau. He stormed up to the desk and slammed his fist on the receptionist’s desk.

“I WANT TO GET PONIFED AND I WANT IT NOW!” demanded the emo.

“Please sign here,” said the frightened yellow pegasus with pink hair.

He signed the small screen with his signature as he was then directed towards a door that said ‘Brain bleach rooms and ponification area’, by the terrified pegusus that was cowered in the fetal position exposing her cutie mark of three pink and yellow butterflies.

He walked through the double doors and was stripped of his clothing by an over-sided vacuum head and was approached by a green unicorn with teal hair that handed him a small cup full of purple liquid.

“Sit up on the table and drink this all up please. When you wake up you’ll be a happy pony with that new pony smell,” she chirped as David sat up on the freezing slab that was apparently called a table.

He looked at the oozing purple liquid that bubbled in the cup. The cup was almost warm from the heat it was generating by some sort of Equestian magic. He raised the cup to his mouth and gulped down all in one go and he felt a sea of blackness replace his world.

I trotted through a darkened room that held a light at end. I then entered into a massive room with large marble columns supporting the massive roof, and at the end sat a large throne with a massive white ailcorn and a small brown bag next to her.

“Welcome Dave Hester to your conversion dream, I’m sorry but I can attend this meeting so have a banana and enjoy your new life,” said the Princes as the world began to come back to life with the image of ponification room.

Dave opened his eyes to a curious Snappleblossom who was sniffing the end of his muzzle. Dave brought up his bright pink colored foreleg and nearly looked in horror but he quite like the color. He always like the color secretly but was forced to wear black to show how much he hated the world.

He also brought up his other forehoof and saw a banana that was ready to eat.

“Well, I guess she wasn’t lying... oh well time to begin a living as a brain bleached pony," he said as began to munch on the banana, "What do you say Snappleblossom?"

She inhalled deeply and at the top of her voice yelled, "APPLEBLOOM SOUP!"

The End

Author's Note: So much misanthropy and stoopid... Fuck yo form of grammar, I'm keeping it like this while I write more misanthropic stories and then say I am King of TCB because I am a faggot, and I am in the Anti Conversion Bureau Group.