"That'll be 4 bits Anon!" Carrot Top cheerfully said as she moved my bag of produce across the stall counter towards me. After dragging the required bits out of my bag I set them on the counter and left the orange pony, fresh veggies in hand.
"Still have no clue what the exchange rate of those things are." I mutter to myself as I begin pressing through the tightly packed throng of unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi trying to get the best deals or simply walking and talking. These fresh market days are always the busiest and most crowded days for the market stalls in Ponyville, the walking area gets so crowed in fact that pegasi can't land in the packed streets and only take off when their list is done. While being a good few head taller than any other resident in town has its downsides a big up is that I can spot whatever stall I need to when I'm out for groceries or treats. Still if there had to be one major downside to this strange town that has become my home it'd have to be...
"Oh no, not now." I whisper as I hear an upbeat voice begin to belt out into another song about friendship or something similar. I try to run but the wave of technicolor ponies before me keeps me at a crawl as the infection spreads to closer and closer towards me, ponies already falling victim and joining in the song and... By the Old Ones it's a dance too! I know I have to get out of the way before I'm swept up in it, but the ponies the FOOLS are actually moving towards the horror willingly sweeping me along with them. I look to a nearby alley and see one orange filly, the only pony that shares my horror at the coming doom.
"Fly you fool." I whisper/shout at her as I'm nearly carried into the heart of the fresh hell that hath consumed me. All around me they are singing and dancing, somehow finding enough room in the previously crowded marketplace to dance in a suspiciously choreographed manner as if some dark being from the realm of nightmares and forsaken memories had taken a hold of their mortal bodies and had begun contorting the flesh of the innocent whilst fulfilling some wretched design by having them perform, dear gods below no... It's a Line Dance! What cruel and maligned cosmic entity could bring such horror upon the feeble minds of these poor unfortunate souls that they should be forced into such depths of madness that their broken minds and souls could bring forth joy at this insane ritual to the dark gods.
As the impromptu performance comes towards its climax and close I try to edge my way towards to far corners of the blast site so as to minimize damage. I have been through this literal and figurative song and dance before on a few occasions since being forcefully emigrated to this pastel world full of literal flying rainbow ponies, (though that one is normally quite chill), all I have to do is get away from center-stage as it were and I can go about my day. Hell, I was even able to keep hold of my wholly intact groceries. Everything is going fine and dandy until with mounting trepidation I realize that this horde is dragging me back towards the eye of the storm where, unlike a hurricane or tornado, there is no calm... Only the finishing chorus. The light fades from the world as if directing attention towards to closing litanies of this occult ritual that I have become an unwilling sacrifice in and I can hear them, the voices of the damned calling for my soul.
"And I know that my friends will always be there,"
"That they will always be true,"
"And I know that I can count on them foooooor!"
"Oh no. Nononono. They're trying to make me say the finishing line. Shit fuck! Like I know what this whole shtick was about!
"Uhhh, really fresh produce?" I scratch out in a near monotone as I hold out some of the greens that I had bought minutes before.
...
...
...
Fuck they're all staring at me like I grew an extra head or something, not like I don't already stick out enough as is.Except now I can add "Fucked up a special Friendship thing" to my list of reasons they might kick me out of town.
"He he, well that was neat and all but I really have to get these home soon and take a shower so.. Bye!" I say as I hurriedly make my way back home, the slightly stunned ponies in front of me parting as I approach.
"God I hope that's all I needed for today, or better yet the whole week." I mumbled to myself as I keep my head down the rest of the way home.
"Now, is it jus' me or can anypony else ever recall hearing Anon sing?" Applejack asks her friends while staring after the strange biped.
"Ha! You're being over dramatic AJ. Sure he doesn't like singing in groups like everyone else, but hay neither does Scootaloo and she's perfectly fine. That's partly why he's her favorite foal-sitter, she knows he won't drag her and the rest of the crusaders out for anything like this." Rainbow Dash said to her friend while doing lazy loops in the air.
"Sure but have any of y'all heard him sing ever?" AJ persisted, concern creeping into her voice.
Twilight furrowed her brow as she thought about this while AJ and Dash tried coming up with times that they might have heard their strange neighbor ever once sing, eventually dragging Pinkie Pie and Rarity into the discussion until eventually Twilight was roused from her thoughts.
"So Twilight, what do you think all of this means?" Rarity demanded demurely.
"Well it doesn't seem that healthy, even the most reserved ponies or deranged villains make use of their Voice at some point or another. Are we sure that nopony has heard him sing at all?" Twilight offered up to her four assembled friends.
"Actually I have." Two voices answered from behind. As the group turned they saw an orange filly that was thankfully spared the recent impromptu music number and a soft spoken yellow pegasus.
"What the hay? Scoots how are you and Flutters the only ones that'd heard Anon sing?" Rainbow questioned as she buzzed over to two of her favorite ponies.
"Well remember when he was foal-sitting me, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle when that huge Everfree Storm rolled over Ponyville? We were all scared that we might have nightmares, so we asked if he could do anything to help and he started to sing to us, but he was singing something in Germane. Something like nun liebe kinder gebt fein acht, after he was done he just sorta hummed the tune while we fell asleep. It sounded nice and all if a bit dark sounding, but he seemed a bit sad when he was singing it." Scootaloo looked over at the shy pegasus. "What about you?"
"Oh um well I only heard him singing a melody on accident. One day while I was getting food for my animals I heard a voice humming a lovely tune and I found that it was coming from Anons house. I think he may just like to sing in private, like when he's taking a shower or apparently singing away some filly's nightmares. I don't think there's anything wrong with him being a bit shy about it though." Fluttershy punctuated her point with a light stomp that probably wouldn't have moved a leaf.
"Now hold yer hay bales Fluttershy we didn't mean anything by it, we were just concerned and curious is all." AJ consoled as she put her hoof on her friends shoulder.
"Oh! Didn't Nonny say that he was going to take a shower when he got back to his house?" Pinkie Pie interjected after an unusual period of silence for her.
"Well what of it dear." Rarity said looking at the pink ball of caffeine with concern.
"Well why don't we just go and listen to Nonny humming a tune right now?" Pinkie said while gathering energy from whatever dimension of cocaine and red bull she drew upon.
As the other friends shuffled awkwardly and mumbled to themselves Rarity began leading Scootaloo off to send her on her way. The orange filly protesting and asking why she couldn't stay.
"Well dear, I have no doubt that Pinkie will either convince us or drag us along either way, but this is something that a young filly shouldn't be apart of being dragged by Pinkie Pie or not." Rarity answered as she sent the young filly off home.
One cocaine horse convincing later...
"Shhh."
"Move your hooves."
"What's that smell?"
"Honey vanilla chamomile tea darling, just because you dragged me into peeping on Anon doesn't mean our tea time is off."
"Quiet, he's coming."
After a short time of waiting where Twilight definitely didn't have to pull Rainbow back down from actually trying to peep, they began to hear Anon sing the tune of a song with bits of lyrics every now and again.
"Hm hm hmhm my insides... "
"What's singing?"
"Help hm hm hm myself."
"I can't hear what he's sing about."
"Quite or he'll hear you."
"I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL!" Anon sang loudly into his shampoo bottle mic as there was a loud "Eep!" followed by a thump and the retreating sounds of hooves, but he didn't hear because in his private shower... He was a goddamn star.
At least they knew why he likes to sing in private now.
Author's Note
This is some stupid stuff that I'm almost ashamed that it marks my efforts to write more.
Either way I hope you got a giggle out of it, I let my tea turn tepid finishing over half of this in a frenzy of brain-seizure-imagination.
If ya didn't know the two songs referenced (other than the shitty produce bit) are:
Mein Herz Brennt (Piano Version cause I like it)
Closer (Because I learned that I have new neighbors after I sang it loudly in my shower.)
As always, I'm tired but not dead,
-Funky
