Chapters Twist in the Tail: Community Service
A Twist in the Tail
Part 2
The Talk
An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Midnight Shadow set in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe, originally by Blaze
Edge looked around herself. She’d not really got much of a chance to see Equestria until now. She’d been bundled through an immigration check-up and more or less deposited into Canterlot for her audience with Celestia and Luna.
This... pretty much added up to what she’d been told. Houses straight out of old fairy tales. Greenery everywhere. Everything hand made - hoof made, she guessed... did they still call it ‘hoof made’ when it was made by a unicorn? Was it, in fact, ‘hoof made’ at all? - Edge shook her head.
That was another thing which was bugging her. Her head. Her tail. Her everything. Her. She... was a she. She was a pony, with a burning kind of itch that was begging to be scratched, and that scared her more than anything. She understood, now, why Celestia had kept her female. Or at least she thought she did. Firstly, the rest of the gang were also girls. As much as Celestia wanted to punish Edge, she guessed that the princess didn’t want to create any long-term suffering. Unwanted pregnancies were hard, even in a gregarious, herd-based society.
Such big words, Edge thought to herself, since when did I get so practical, so thoughtful?
Secondly, Edge suspected that the princess just liked watching her squirm.
“Hey dweeb,” called back the griffon, Grilda or something, “Simone here says you’re a guy.”
“I was.” Edge answered as the four of them walked slowly along a hard-packed dirt track towards what appeared to be civilisation.
“So... what? You’re telling me you’re a filly now? Bullshit.” called Simone. Bedlam the draconequus just sniggered.
“Fuck you Simone.”
“Prove it.”
“Alright I will! I’m a girl, okay! I took the wrong stuff and I came out a girl! Happy?” Edge spun around and spread her back legs wide. She lifted her tail up and to the right and glared over her shoulder. There was a sound not unlike pomf as two sets of wings shot out straight.
Gilda swallowed, hard. “I, uh, yeah. You’re a filly.”
“Me likey.” echoed Bedlam, licking her lips. The strange creature’s forked tongue flicked out, like a snake’s. Echo, seeing the move, felt something twitch. She stiffened.
“Y-yeah, you’re a filly alright.”
Simone, for her part, burst out laughing.
“Fuck you, Simone.” repeated Edge. That just made Simone laugh all the harder. Edge stormed past the unicorn, who by now was rolling around on the grass in mirth, and snorted, lifting her head high. In tandem, her tail also flicked up officiously.
Pomf!
Edge glowered at the path as her hooves kicked up dust.
“So... a guy? Sounds like something my uncle would pull.” said Bedlam, sidling up to Edge.
“Your uncle sounds like he’s somebody... important, or something.” Edge replied, sullenly.
“Kinda, he used to rule Equestria.”
Edge blinked, was she talking to royalty? “Used to?”
“Celestia and Luna turned him to stone.”
Edge stopped, “Wait, they can really do that? Oh man, I’m dead. I’m totally dead.”
“More like undead. I don’t think it kills you, and besides if they’d wanted you stoned they’d have done it already. Uncle Discord came back recently, but the princess’ pet unicorn turned him to stone again. Some say he was the one who opened the gateway to your world.”
“What’s the deal with him then? And with you? I mean, you’re not a... a pony.”
“Yes, yes, I’m a draconequus. Woooo, flee in fear.”
Edge carried on walking a few steps, silently.
“You don’t know, do you? You don’t know what a draconequus is? Oh this is rich. Don’t they teach you anything?”
“I wasn’t exactly enrolled. I kinda stole the potion.”
Bedlam burst out laughing, “I like you, kid, I really do.”
“So what’s a draconequus then.”
“Dragons mate with anything.” replied Bedlam, as if that answered it.
“And?”
“And my mom had a dalliance with a dragon. I found out when my powers came through how much trouble that meant. When your father is a wanted criminal, your mother doesn’t know what to do with you and your only other known living relative in the realm got turned to stone, it’s not exactly easy.”
“So... what? You’re like a unicorn?”
“No, not really.” Bedlam flapped her wings, “I got these, for starters. I can fly, a little. The other foals used to tease me, until I gained my magic.” The draconequus seethed, “I made the little bastards pay after that. That’s kinda why I’m here.”
“Wrong side of the tracks, huh?”
“What?”
“You grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. It’s a saying. You lacked a strong role-model, blah blah blah.”
“Sounds like your Earth isn’t too different from Equestria, really.”
“Well, I couldn’t turn houses into cheese. So... they took your magic away?”
“You and Gilda, you two got it good. You two can still fly like you’re supposed to. Simone, me - we use magic for everything. Well I did. Simone’s like you, it’s easy to tell.”
“B-but you don’t have a band around your horns...”
“What, these things?” Bedlam asked, peering at the two stag-like horns emerging from her forehead, “Vestigial, draconic heritage. My magic’s in my hooves. A unicorn needs to cast spells, unless it’s their natural talent. With a dragon, it’s all in the mind. With a draconequus, we’re somewhere between. Me, it’s in my hooves. Except with this damned inhibitor band, I can’t do anything. These ponies are no fun.”
“It doesn’t sound too bad...”
Bedlam slapped Edge with her wings, “You try walking about with one leg cut off, see how well you fare. I have to go back to being... just a winged monster.”
“I think you look pretty cool.” said Edge, then she blushed.
Bedlam stared at her for a moment, then looked away, “Yeah well, sez you. Don’t get to thinking this means I like you.”
“But you said you did...” said Edge to herself as the strange creature trotted on ahead.
The path came to an end as it widened into dusty streets. There was a sign next to the road, Edge stared at it in dismay. She couldn’t read.
“Ponyville. I hate this town.” grumbled the griffon
“Looks like a dump.” agreed Simone.
“If I had my powers we could liven the place up a little.”
“Are we... are we allowed to just... walk in?”
“Didn’t madame whats-her-mane tell you anything? You’re such a dweeb. We’re prisoners,” Gilda held up her forepaw, clenching her eagle’s paw, “just try to misbehave. Go on. Knock that sign down.”
Edge glared at the sign. She was a tough guy... well, a tough mare. She lifted up a forehoof and slammed it into the sign.
clop.
“Wow, woo, run for the hills. We got a wild one here.”
“Back legs, dufus. Buck it.”
Edge glared at the sign. She turned around and sized it up. She wriggled her butt, ignoring how Gilda’s wings shot out as the griffon kept both beady eyes on her behind, and took aim. She bunched up and let fly...
Edge fell over.
Her muscles had locked up, just at the moment when she’d be aiming for the sign, leaving her two legged and off-balance.
“Bwaahahaa!” laughed Simone, braying like a donkey.
“Ow.” said Edge, getting to her hooves, “Not funny, guys. Girls. Whatever.”
“Come on dweeb, lesson’s over. Let’s get something to eat.”
“Hay fries? Is that all you ponies ever eat?” exclaimed Gilda, “Can’t get a good meal in this dump.” She ate her apples with bad grace. She’d tried to steal one, snagging it with her lion-like tail, but her legs had locked up the second she’d tried to sneak off with it. Simone had just pointed to a plate and said “that”. She’d dug about for a few unfamiliar coins and they’d rolled onto the floor as she slammed them on the counter of the cafe in disgust. Bedlam’s eyes had narrowed, the waiter had had to pick them up. Edge wondered just what that meant, but she knew it was nothing good.
Bedlam ate her meal of coal noisily. She said she preferred gems, but rocks - preferably igneous or metamorphic, but coal was acceptable - were good enough. She could even eat hay and oats, other ‘pony stuff’ as she called it, but it seemed she liked to make a scene as much as get fed.
Edge was learning. Simone was, for all intents and purposes, a sullen pony-shaped human. She’d been so quick and smart last time Edge had seen her, the pegasus reasoned that the unicorn had been poorly prepared for ponydom.
Gilda had a chip on her shoulder, she kept glancing around like she was looking for somepony. Edge idly wondered who or what it was. The griffon kept looking up whenever a pegasus swooped low enough, so Edge had her suspicions.
Finally was Bedlam. For all her name implied chaos and disorder, she was a fussy, meticulous creature most of the time. Edge guessed that having her powers more or less taken away hadn’t suited the strange creature’s plans.
It was at the cafe that Misses Providence found them. With her glasses pinned primly to the tip of her muzzle, her shawl wrapped around her neatly, she’d clip-clopped up to the table they were at and beamed happily. “Hello, girls! How nice, did you enjoy your lunch?”
There had been a general grumble of acceptance, and the unicorn had harrumphed.
“Yes, Misses Providence.” the four replied sullenly.
“That’s better. Now, we’ve got a presentation to do at the local school house, it’s for the newfoals. Which one of you two wants to go first?”
Edge was staring sullenly at the ground when something pinched her flank. She leaped forwards.
“Ah! Great! That’s what I like to see, some community spirit! Come on Edge, dear, let’s get you ready. The rest of you three can stand at the back with me.”
***
The schoolhouse was, unsurprisingly, made of wood. The steps creaked as she walked up them and nosed open the door.
“Alright, children, settle down, settle down. We’ve got a special guest today by the name of Edge. She’s a newfoal , can anypony tell me what that means?” said a voice
“Mith Cheerilee,” somepony lisped, “that meanth they’re throm earthth and they uthed to be human.”
“Very good, Twist. Can anypony tell me what means? Twist? No? Well, that’s why we have our special guest. Come on in, Edge. Misses Providence tells me there’s four of you, invite them in, please.”
Edge gulped nervously. Approximately twenty pairs of eyes turned her way and burned into her with the fury of a thousand suns. She spun around and jerked her head. Gilda rolled her eyes and barged past, followed by Bedlam and Simone.
“Hold the door, dear, that’s a sweetie.” said Misses Providence. Edge did so and the older unicorn trotted in smartly. She nodded to the teacher, a fuschia earth pony with three little smiley-faced flowers as a cutie-mark, and addressed the class. “Today we’ll be talking to Edge, she may talk a little funny, but she’s ever so friendly and just dying to answer your questions. One at a time, hold your hooves yup and we’ll pick you, okay? Come now, dear, stand right here next to me. That’s it, come, come.”
At Providence’s urging, Edge stepped out in front of the ravenous, slathering beasts of Miss Cheerilee’s class.
“Introduce yourself, where you come from, why you’re here.”
Edge blinked, trembling. “I...” she squeaked. She cleared her throat, “Hello, my name is Edge and I used to be a human, I’m from Manhatten in New York... and now I’m a pony.”
“Any questions?” asked Providence.
“Ummm, we have a unicorn newfoal and his name’s Midnight, and he’s a student here, and, uh... are you gonna be a student too?”
Edge blinked, they already knew what newfoals were? And one was a student, in this class? She looked helplessly at Misses Providence, who rather selflessly urged Edge to Just Answer with an indicative flick of her forehoof.
“I, er, no? I-I’m just passing through.”
“Is it true that humans eat ponies?” came one question.
“Do I really have to answer that?” complained Edge
“How many ponies have you eaten? Today?”
“That’s hardly even fa-”
“Do you still eat ponies?”
“No!”
“My papa says newfoals are dumb and smell bad.”
“That’s not even a question!”
Misses Providence shook her head, harrumphing in that quiet way she had. “Now, now, children. Settle down. Sensible questions, please.”
Edge was shaking. There’s nothing quite so scary as a room full of foals...
“You, child, in front. Yes you.”
“What’s it like, being a pony? Do you miss being human?”
Edge opened and shut her mouth several times before answering. “It’s... different. I had hands, fingers. Like a griffon, or, or a dragon. You have those, right?”
Misses Providence nodded.
“So I did everything with them. Now I have to walk on four legs instead of two, and use my mouth to hold stuff. I can’t fly yet, and... and there are some other differences.” like being a girl, for one.
“Are you really a pony?”
“I think so,” said Edge, looking up at Simone, “if we look like you, and eat like you and live like you, and we can do magic and fly like you - with training - and e-even marry you, we are you, aren’t we?”
“What’s that band on your hoof?” asked one small, white unicorn, innocently.
Edge blushed and looked at Misses Providence. The older unicorn nodded. Be honest , she’d said, be honest and tell your whole story .
Edge sat down on her haunches, swishing her tail to move it out of the way. “I... used to be a human, a man in fact. Life on Earth isn’t as easy for us as it is for you. We don’t have a princess to raise the sun and moon, we don’t have pegasi to move the clouds and make the weather. It just happens.”
There were gasps all around.”
Edge continued, “Our world... is an old one. billions of years old. That’s like... a really long time. Eventually, humans evolved. They say we evolved in a world that doesn’t care about us, and often we don’t care about each other. Our world has been difficult to live in for a long time. We can’t just eat grass, like you, we grow cold in the winter and wet in the rain. We get sick, much easier than you.”
“That must be awful .” said some foal.
“It’s not fun. Less fun is having to work for a living like that. We don’t get cutie-marks like you, most of us never know what we’re good at. I didn’t. I was stupid. I broke into a Conversion Bureau, the Hackensack. I think they make potion there or something. I thought... I thought you ponies were scooping out our brains and replacing us with pony doubles. I took the wrong potion... it turns you into a girl-pony.”
“You’re a stallion? Does that mean you’re a colt-cuddler cos my dad says that if-”
“Ahem!” said Misses Providence, “That sort of question doesn’t have to be answered, not if-”
“It’s alright, Misses Providence.” said Edge, softly, “I can answer. I mean I can’t, because I don’t know. I like girls, or I used to, when I was human. I guess that means I like wo- I mean mares now.”
There were sniggering whispers of filly-fooler and the teacher, Miss Cheerilee scowled, “That’s quite enough of that!”
“I’m a stallion,” said Edge, defiantly, “I just... currently look like a mare. This hoof-band is because I did wrong. I was naughty. This band means I get detention every day for five hundred days. I have to come and stand in front of kids like you, and show you that newfoals aren’t so different from you. A-and I can see we’re not.” Edge glared, “I come from a world bigger and more complex than you can imagine, where we didn’t get sunshine just by asking nicely, where we don’t nearly always know what we want from life, where we’ve had to fight nature and each other just to survive. And now I come here, to this... this. And I have to explain why I wanted to give that all up to be like you, but I can’t. I just can’t. You wouldn’t understand. You can’t.”
Edge looked up, at the open-mouthed expressions, and fled as tears fell from her muzzle.
Edge sniffed, loudly, staring at herself in the fountain. She wiped a hoof across her muzzle and made a face. As she was wiping it off on the grass, a shadow fell across her vision.
“Are you alright, dear?”
Edge looked away, shaking her head, “I was an idiot. I thought this place was supposed to be all candy clouds and gumdrop rain.”
“Foals are direct anywhere, sweetie. They’ve never known a world like yours. They laugh, play, fight, learn and live... much like your children used to do before the factory schools. Don’t look so surprised,” Misses Providence smiled softly, “Celestia and Luna made sure our education was as complete as they could. Our little ones could do with a little more compassion, but that only comes with understanding. You look like us, now. You are us. Your children will be our children, and the world of man will pass away into history, and then legend, and then be forgotten. It is our solemn duty, yours and mine, to help that happen.”
Edge looked pained, “If Barney could hear you now...”
“Barney?”
“A friend of mine, joined the HLF. He’s convinced you’re trying to conquer us.”
Misses Providence smiled, sadly, “I heard about the shield expansion. I used to work in Celestia’s School for the Gifted. In a few years, I don’t know how many, we will have. I’m quite sure. The projected equilibrium point is beyond any hope of salvaging a planet for your old species.”
“And all that we were will be gone.”
“No, no dear. Not gone. Your own scientists, scholars and teachers work at the same tasks ours do - to preserve. I, in my own way, seek to preserve man, albeit it as pony. Others work around the clock to take record of everything produced by mankind. For as long as we can, ponies like you will be teaching our foals about your foals. You’re very special to us, to Celestia and Luna. Do you know why?”
Edge shook her head.
“You came to us of your own free will.” Misses Providence dropped her horn to the band around Edge’s leg, and it opened with a click . It fell onto the floor.
“Why?”
“Are you going to run away? Dare you run the risk of being turned into a lawn ornament?”
Edge shook her head, again.
“Then you don’t need that. Keep it, though. It will open and close at will, now. Call it an offering of trust.”
“Thank you. I-I don’t know what to say.”
“Now, let’s get back to the classroom. I’m not quite sure what Gilda, Simone and Bedlam will have gotten up to in the meanwhile.”
Twist in the Tail: Community Service
A Twist in the Tail
Straw Ponies
An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Midnight Shadow set in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe, originally by Blaze
note: A shorter chapter this time. I've already said I don't know where this is going, not really. Not sure if serious or funny. Hmm.
Edge stood outside the classroom, nervously pacing to and fro. Five of these such performances, and she still hadn’t gotten used to it. It was their little faces, every time. Upturned, innocent, able to see right into her soul. Then would come the questions.
“Do you eat ponies?” “Do you eat each other?” “How many ponies have you eaten today?” “I heard you newfoals are dumb.” “I heard you newfoals, like, explode in sunlight and you drink blood.”
Edge had face-hoofed at the last one in the last town they’d been in. She was relatively convinced it was Bedlam or Gilda who were actively spreading those sorts of rumours. She stiffened as she heard the now-familiar intro.
“And now, my little ponies, we have a special guest! Here’s Edge, she’s a newfoal and she’s here to tell us all about herself! Isn’t that wonderful? Let’s all give Edge a Happy Hoofington Hello, shall we?”
“Hello Edge, welcome to Hoofington! ”
Edge was sure they’d been practicing. Then again, Equestria, ponies...
“Good afternoon class, my name is Edge and I’m a newfoal. Who knows what that means?”
A few hooves went in the air. Edge tried to pick the one that looked least likely to call her a monster, ask about drinking blood or comment on spontaneous equine combustion. “You!”
“My daddy says newfoals used to be hyoo-mans and they come fwom Uuurf which is like, all on fire and stuff and they fight a lot there and it’s really terrible but when the hyoo-mans take this potion they change into ponies just like us.”
Edge thought about that, “Yes, that’s... pretty correct. We don’t really fight all that much, it’s really pretty cool being a human, but... there’s a lot of us, still, and things aren’t quite as nice as they are in Equestria.”
“Why did you want to be a pony if it was nice being a human?”
“I, er,” Edge bit her tongue, “I didn’t exactly want to become a pony. I was... kind of naughty. I stole the potion, and that changed me from a man, into a pony. I got a kind of detention for it, but I don’t mind all that much because it means I get to talk to all of you!” She grinned, hopefully.
A hoof went up, “My daddy says a man is a stallion, but you’re a mare, so are you calling daddy wrong?”
Edge mentally facehoofed. Again. They were getting smarter. “Okay, this is going to sound strange, but... there’s a potion that can turn a... a stallion into a mare. Remember when I said I did a bad thing? Well, I didn’t really mean it to turn out like this, but...”
“Is it better being a boy or a girl?” the same foal asked.
Edge blinked. She’d expected eew or wow or something, but this? “I... don’t know. I liked being a human, I kinda... like being a pony. I’ve never been a stallion so I don’t know which I prefer more.” She stopped, gazing off into the distance. She realized she really didn’t know. This was getting weird. Time for a diversion. “Who knows what a human looks like?”
A chorus of hooves and shouts of “Me! Me! I do!” filled the room.
Edge smiled and she turned to the teacher, Elegance Feather, “Would you mind if they draw what they think a human looks like?”
The teacher nodded, and Edge thought for a moment, “Humans look a bit like dragons, but without a tail. We do have fangs, because we eat meat... well I don’t, any more, but I used to. We have only two legs, the other two legs are arms like some dragons have, with fingers . Fingers are like the paws on a bunny or a... or the claws on a dragon.” Edge walked around the classroom as the foals drew, some with magic and some with pencils in their mouths. Most were way off, one or two where almost right. She stopped by one which showed a monster of a human eating ponies and stomping on houses, setting fire to things with fire breath.
“Umm, that’s really not how humans are you know.”
“This is from my favourite comic, Captain Steelfeather and the Ultimate Guards! Steelfeather’s my hero! He’s a mild-mannered royal unicorn guard by day, but a superpony by night! Charged with guarding the Elements of Harmony, he can call on their power to change from an ordinary wimpy unicorn into a super-duper alicorn with wings and a horn like Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.”
“And, he, uh, battles humans, does he?”
“Only the bad ones! He rescues all the good ones.”
Edge rolled her eyes. “Unicorns are wimpy, huh?”
“Well yeah! Everypony knows that earth ponies are the strongest, and can like... eat rocks and stuff. Pegasususes are like pewpewpew really fast and stuff, so unicorns need the other two to keep ‘em safe and stuff. Besides, my daddy says unicorn guards have their ba-”
“Cookie Cutter! That’s quite enough of that!”
“It’s okay, Miss Feather.” Edge rolled her eyes, “Bedlam, Gilda, if you two can wheel out the cardboard cutout and Simone if you can stand next to it, I can...”
Edge looked back from where Simone was, grudgingly, getting into position and groaned. Gilda was trying not to giggle and Bedlam was outright guffawing. the large painted picture of a human - It was in fact Edge pre-potion - had been vandalized. Her portait, such as it was, had horns, razor sharp teeth, the classic lined scar, a moustache, a beard, an arrow through the head and a large spikey devil’s tail to top it all off.
She face-hoofed so hard it almost knocked her teeth out.
***
“Let me get this straight,” Edge huffed.
“Shoot.”
“You vandalized my picture because..?”
“Nopony, ugh... nobody knew it was you.”
“Why?”
“Lighten up scrub, it was funny . You know, haha and all that?”
Edge rolled her eyes, “Well okay, I guess it was kinda funny. Certainly had the kids laughing.”
“Pfft, screw them.” simone blew a lock of her hair out of her eyes, “I just want this to be over .”
Edge looked down at the ground, the ground she was currently plowing. “I don’t.”
“Edge? What the fuck are you on? This is dull! This is Dullzville, Dull county, Dullestria. Boring with a capital snooze!”
“You know what I did before... this?”
“No, and I don’t care.”
“I screwed the tops on toothpaste, because the company was too poor to refurbish their robot and cheap labour was cheaper than hiring the extortionate prices that manual robot and AI techs costed, least that’s what they thought. You want dull, you try screwing little plastic tops on toothpaste tubes for eight hours a day.”
“Bah.” Simone looked away, mostly in a direction only she could see.
“Hey watch it! You’ll tip us!” Edge stumbled, yanking Simone back to reality as the plough jumped on a buried rock.
“So? Who gives a shit.”
“Me! I can’t use these... these bloody wings, but they still hurt like buggery when I sprain them!”
“Wah wah wah, my wings hurt, my hooves hurt. At least you can use your wings. I’ve got this damn inhibitor-ring on my horn and I have to do everything like an earther, including pulling this stupid plough for stupid settlers in this stupid ‘extramentional land’ bullshit.”
“Exponential.”
“Whatever ! And worst of all I’ve got to do it hitched to you , the whiniest, horniest, bitchiest little mare who’s just begging for somepony to plough her own furrow.”
“I... don’t!”
“You do! Even I can tell you’re gagging for it! Half the fucking stallions around here are at half mast if you so much as flick an eyelid, and...”
“What?”
“And none of them want me .”
Edge stopped short, causing Simone to stumble, “I... don’t know what to say. I... think you’re pretty.”
“Fuck you.”
“I do!”
“Fuck off you filly fooler.”
Edge trembled, her bottom lip quivered. She suddenly flexed, twisted, turned, pulled, bucked and threw the harness off. With one final look at Simone, she bolted.
Simone watched her go. “Oh well done, idiot.” the unicorn hissed at herself, “Stupid kid was just trying to be nice.” Simone snorted, “Idiot kid, with her perfect hair and glossy wings. What the fuck, really. Prettiest damn filly and she just... wastes it with moping around. Stupid kid. Stupid stallions. Stupid Equestria. Stupid everything .”
***
Edge was running. She found she did that a lot when the world didn’t make sense. To be honest, it hadn’t made a lot of sense for a while. Was she a filly-fooler? That’d mean... she was a filly, but she wasn’t!
I mean I am... kinda... but... but... I’m not! I... should I like stallions? I don’t understand!
Edge, tears blurring her vision, managed to do the one thing which almost anywhere else could never have occured. She ran over the edge of a cliff.
The Exponential Lands were a new thing in the otherwise ancient land of Equestria, they were space-time itself weaving reality out of the stuff of another universe, which itself was steadily being devoured by the voracious barrier between them, and excreted into Equestria, formed according to the whims of some great magic that none understood and few even thought could be. One such barrier, a gateway, had formed near a puddle. Originally microscopic in size, the weft of Equestria decided this shall be ocean . And so a great ocean was formed, impossibly deep, impossibly wide, gargantuan features from the merest speck of moisture, foaming out of nothingness. Cliffs grew, carved out of nothing, leading down into depths unmapped by spell or hoof. The waters were blue, almost impossibly so should they be in any other world but this most perfect of oysters, and teemed with life borne from naught but whim and fancy.
Edge had little time to appreciate this, as she plummeted, wings flapping madly like some dervish caught and held fast though seeking with all its being to escape. Her life rushed before her eyes, back from when she was but a mere foal that wore the skin of some other beast - mankind - and when she wore another sex altogether, that of a most curious type called ‘a male’. Brief it may have been, but she did realize one thing; it kind of sucked.
Death, or the apparent near onset of such a condition, the cessation of life, brings a clarity few experience. This, itself, is also rather regrettable. Edge passed through the various phases of dealing with it and out the other side into that calm oasis called waiting for the inevitable . It was then, to her mighty surprise, that she was rescued.
“Spread your wings you dumb foal!”
“Yeah! Out! Wide as you can!”
“What?” squawked Edge as she tumbled end over end towards the deep blue expanse that was alternately below and then above her field of vision.
“Get your damned wings out!” the mare repeated, hoofing the newfoal in the ribs.
“I got her! Horseapples, no I don’t...” the male, definitely a male, as his tumbling and twisting exposed his rather generous assets to Edge and confirmed it, tried to slide under her body and arrest the fall. It was quite probably this unintentioned and otherwise unwelcome contact which saved her life. When you’re a mare in heat, unwanted as that state of bodily readiness may be, contact with the reproductive organs, no matter how fleeting, slight and unintentioned it may have been, has a certain effect. Edge’s wings, rather unceremoniously and entirely embarrassingly, flipped out in the autonomic response known far and wide as the wingboner . She kicked her legs in surprise as the two pegasi clamped on with their teeth and dragged her skywards. They didn’t stop until she was several hundred feet higher than she had started, and embedded head-first in a cloud-bank.
Edge lay there, freezing, soaking wet, horribly embarrassed and more than slightly on display for several moments collecting her thoughts together. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal and she could pull her wings in.
“Can you guys pull me out?” she called
“Sure thing, miss.” came the reply, and a set of teeth clamped onto her tail. Curiously, for she was in truth rather surprised about it, being yanked out of a cotton-candy cloud by the tail wasn’t altogether painful. It was more like being pulled by an arm than by the hair, not that she’d had long hair as a human. With an almost-audible pop she found herself spun once again through the air to land butt-downwards in the soft, fluffy white cloudstuff. For cloudstuff, it was rather lumpy. This was because the male of the pair was beneath her, grinning upwards. Her wings once again shot out, catching the female in the muzzle.
“Soarin’, get off of her.”
“Sorry Spits.”
“And don’t call me Spits. It’s Spitfire or Ma’am.”
“Sure thing Spits.”
Spitfire rolled her eyes before addressing Edge, “So, convict, what’s up with you? Were you trying to get yourself in trouble or is this all just a big misunderstanding?”
Edge looked down at her hoof, the offending bracelet marking her as a prisoner of the state glinting in the afternoon sun. “I, er, didn’t see the cliff.”
“Don’t they teach you newfoals to fly? At all?”
“I... didn’t get a chance.”
“uh huh. Soarin’, I thought I said to get yourself up ! Get! Don’t mind him, he’s a little slow when it comes to physical space, but a pretty darn good flyer. I’m Spitfire, that lump is Soarin. Who’re you?”
“I’m Edge.” said Edge, sticking out a hoof awkwardly as the male pegasus wriggled and dug himself out of the cloud.
“And what did you do?”
“I... kind of insulted the princesses?”
Spitfire whistled, “Really? How? I mean Soarin’ here stole the princess’ pie, and we thought he’d end up with a one way ticket to the moon.”
“I... said some things I’d rather not repeat...”
Both of the pegasi whistled, rolling their eyes. “Fair enough,” Spitfire answered, “but you really can’t fly? That’s not right. How come you were falling off the cliff then?”
“I kinda got lost...”
“Newfoals.” tutted Soarin’, shaking the last of the cloud off his flank.
“Think you can manage a trip to the ground? Or are you gonna stay up here? Cos, we’ve kinda got places to go...”
“I’m sorry!” squawked Edge, and she trotted to the edge of the cloudbank. She shook. Sure was a long way down. “I-I-I’ll j-j-just...”
“Oh brother. A pegasus who can’t use her wings. Shoot. Come on, missy, tag along with me, I’ll help. We’ve got a sky-village just along from here. It isn’t big and it isn’t much, but it’s a home away from home. How about we tackle getting back down a bit later on, huh?”
Edge shook, gaze still fixated on the ground, so very far away. A hoof touched her gently on the cheek..
“Hey, snowflake, it’s okay, really. Come on, Spitfire’ll take care of you. I gotcha. One hoof after the other, okay?”
“O-okay.”
Spitfire smiled, “Good.”
Twist in the Tail: Community Service
A Twist in the Tail: Community Service
Second Chances
By Berry Pony
Based on Midnight Shadow's A Twist in the Tail: Community Service series
Posted with permission from the author
Simone watched as the white pegasus galloped off. “Oh well done, idiot,” the unicorn hissed to herself. “Stupid kid was just trying to be nice.” Simone snorted, “idiot kid, with her perfect hair and glossy wings. What the fuck, really. Prettiest damn filly and she just... wastes it with moping around. Stupid kid. Stupid stallions. Stupid Equestria. Stupid everything.”
The black unicorn looked around at the field she had been ploughing with Edge. It was quiet with only a few birds singing in the distance. There was nothing but dirt, grass and trees around. “Fuck this,” she said, “if the settlers wanted this field worked, they shoulda done it themselves.” Simone started to pull and tug at her harness, trying to free herself from its straps. But the harness had been hopelessly tangled by Edge's escape and Simone only made the tangle worse. When the traces from Simone's collar to the plough wrapped themselves around her legs, Simone tripped and fell.
“Fuck,” Simone muttered as she found herself tied up in the remains of two harnesses, lying on her side on the rough dirt and attached to an unmoving plough. “This is your fault, Edge. All your fucking fault.”
The sky was a deep blue with white puffy clouds. A gentle breeze brushed over the grass. The sun shone down on the partially ploughed field. Simone and Edge's lunch and water pail stood in the shade at the edge of the field, out of reach to a unicorn mare stuck in the middle. And many more hours would have to pass before the farmers she and Edge were working for, would start looking for her.
It was really all Edge's fault. The whole sequence of events that started in the Hackensack Conversion Bureau and ended with her being tangled in the middle of nowhere was Edge's fault “Stupid kid,” Simone repeated. “Stupid everything.”
The crowds in the front of the Hackensack Conversion Bureau seethed and surged. Some of the men slammed signs and boards into the safety glass of the Bureau's front doors as others hurled rocks and bricks at the windows. Simone had come with her boyfriend Sean to see the fun.
Under the continuous pounding, the safety glass finally shattered. Someone pried the doors open. Throwing the doors open, the mob poured inside to take their revenge on the four-footed fiends. Simone followed Sean inside the lobby as people began smashing computers and furniture. Others grabbed and looted what they could. In the mass of angry protesters rushing up the stairs and down corridors, Simone lost sight of her boyfriend.
This was her opportunity. She sidled to a door marked “Authorized Personnel Only', checked to see if anyone was watching and let herself in. A place like this had to have lots of things that were small, valuable and easily pocketed. And with the guards busy fending off the angry mob outside, Simone would have time to look for the things. She smiled to herself.
The door opened again and a kid walked in. Average in height. Kind of skinny, wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Simone took a step back, unsheathed her combat knife and pointed it at him. “Who the fuck are you?”
“E-Edge”
“What are you doing here?”
“Look... looking around.”
Simone considered. The kid looked kinda stupid but biddable. Perhaps, he could be used to carry stuff. “Alright, scrub. You listen good. You wanta come along, you gotta play by my rules. When I say run, you run. When I say, jump. You jump. Got that?”
“Okay,” Edge swallowed.
“Close that fucking door. We don't want to be followed.“ The girl put her knife in her coat. “And the name's Simone.”
As the door closed behind her, the girl looked around. They were standing in a wide hospital corridor with doors on either side. The corridor led to a pair of double doors at the end.
“Hey, Simone,” Edge said, holding a side door open and looking into one of the rooms. “I don't recognize what these rooms were used for. They have a strange chair or table in them.”
“Edge,” she hissed, “did I say that you could open anything you wanted? Do you want the guards coming down on us?” She strode over to him. “Idiot!”
It was a small room with the usual medical furniture arranged against the walls. But instead of the standard examination table that patients sat on, it had a strange stainless steel table or chair, with leg rests and armrests that could be moved or placed in various configurations.
“Do...do you think they... torture” Edge said nervously.
“Bah,” Simone moved into the room and began to pull open drawers. “Nothing. Nothing except medical stuff. Tongue depressors. Rubber bands. Cotton swabs. Syringes but no needles.” She looked around. “Where are the really valuable things, Drugs, electronics, stuff like that?” She fished around in another drawer and pulled out a scarlet ring covered in a fine script. “Fucking useless,” the girl added. “They make rings no one can wear.” But she slipped it into the pocket of her coat. “Let's go.”
“Where?”
“Look around, Edge. Some locked room, where they keep the goodies. But let me open doors.”
They continued to look into the examination rooms. Edge had become increasingly upset as each room contained more of the strange table-chairs. “I don't think they make ponies of you at all,” he finally said. “I think they do things to you”
“Huh?” Simone replied, checking another door.
“Explain those things we're finding in every room. Those torture tables. I betcha they use them to tie you down. Do things to you.”
“Edge, what the fuck are you going on about?”
“Yeah, they scoop out your brains and eat them. I heard, my cousin knows someone who knows someone who saw ‘em do it. This whole thing’s a fake. They’re goddamn murderers. They’re not veggies at all, they eat meat!”
“Ya what? The little fuckers don’t eat meat! That’s bullshit.”
“Explain the cakes they make then? That needs eggs. Their clothes use leather. They eat each other. That’s why they’re here. They eat humans, they only pretend to change humans into ponies.”
“Edge, you’re so full of shit.”
“I’m gonna prove it, Simone, just you fuckin’ wait and see.”
“Either way, I’m gonna see what makes ‘em tick, see if they bleed red or green.”
They had passed through the swinging double doors and were still examining the doors to the right and left when Edge came across a door unlike the others. No window, hinges on the inside, narrower than the doors to the examination room and a big lock instead of a handle. He called Simone over.
As the girl crossed the hallway, something else grabbed his attention. “I think I hear voices,” he said, as he started to walk to the double doors.
“Quiet,” she said as she listened carefully. The voices were approaching the double doors, one responding to a radio message.
“Fuck! The cops!” hissed Simone. “Get over here. I think I can get this open... yeah, purely mechanical, no smarts at all. I think I've got a suitable bump key...”
“A what?” hissed Edge.
“Fuck, Edge, don't they teach you anything? Bump key, bump key!” the girl said as she produced what appeared to be an ordinary set of keys. She sorted through them quickly before exclaiming softly and inserting one of the keys into the lock on the door. Then she took out what looked like a hammer with the shaft removed starting tapping the key and jiggling it as she did so. After a few seconds, the key turned all the way and the door opened.
“Woah, Simone, you rock!”
“Yeah, I know. Get your ass in here!”
The door closed as they heard the sound of the double doors being pushed open. Simone quickly locked the door again and breathed a sigh of relief.
Simone leaned against a concrete wall and breathed deeply. In the pockets of her voluminous coat was a small fortune in ponification potion. She had cleaned out the shelves of the storage room and taken everything. Edge had only managed to snag a cherry-colored flask from the back of the shelving. Serves that idiot right. But she was rich. Rich enough to move away from her loser of a boyfriend, away from this hellhole called Hackensack, to a better life.
All she had to do is escape the Conversion Bureau.
She had turned left, taking another route than the one she and Edge had used to get to the storage room. The warren of tunnels were very confusing but Simone had finally come across a stairway leading up to the ground floor. She listened very carefully at the door at the top before trying to open it. The door was locked. Fortunately, it was another mechanical lock. In her mind, she thanked the architect of the Conversion Bureau for not specifying the more expensive electronic lock.
Behind her, she heard distant voices.
Simone fumbled in the pockets of her coat, trying to find her bump key. The number and size of the various flasks made finding the small ring of keys difficult. She needed to empty her pocket temporarily to retrieve her keys and other tools.
At the landing, halfway down the stairs, the stairway banister had a level spot. Simone retreated to the landing and began to remove flasks from her pocket. The first flask wobbled a bit as she put it on the banister so she reached a hand out to steady it. The flask's seal felt a bit loose when she touched it.
The voices came closer. Simone began to put the second flask on the banister landing. The door at the top of the stairs opened suddenly.
Simone started. Her hand bumped the flasks perched on the stair banister. As if in slow motion, the girl watched the flasks rock, tip and begin to fall. She slowly put her hand out to catch the falling flasks. The seal of the first flask spiraled off as the purplish liquid sprayed across her wrist and hand. The two flasks continued to descend to the floor as Simone pushed herself away from the liquid. She turned to stare at where the purple liquid covered her hand. The two flasks hit the floor and bounced. The open flask spun around, spilling a bit of the ponification potion as the other one rolled against the wall.
Simone took another step backwards. The purplish liquid appeared to have been absorbed into her skin. A numbness overtook her hand and as she watched, her hand began to to become misshaped and lumpy. A sharp, growing pain ran from her hand and arm, as if all her bones were being smashed. The excruciating pain caused Simone to scream. She screamed until the pain caused her to pass out.
It was the strangest dream that Simone could remember, full of ponies silently running, pegasi flying among the clouds, unicorns studying secrets and finally, two winged unicorns that looked upon her sadly. The details of her dream faded as she woke. Simone could hear several people and a pony talking. She kept her eyes closed as she tried to remember what had happened. There was no trace of the pain that she had felt moments earlier. Her hand no longer felt numb. With the memory of her hand becoming a horrid fleshy club, Simone willed her index finger to move slightly. Something moved but it felt wrong.
Her eyes popped open. She was lying on her side on the stairway landing. Her hands and her arms had been changed into the hooves and forelegs of a pony.
“She's coming around,” said a rough voice.
“I'm on it,” said another voice. “Good thing that she brought her own inhibitor ring.” The second voice stepped up to Simone's head, grabbed something that she felt was attached to her skull and rammed something down.
A background feeling of gentle power was suddenly gone. Simone was aware of the power only by its absence. It was like the sound of crickets on a warm summer evening when it goes quiet.
A yellow earth pony stepped into view. “I'm really sorry, dearie. We had to ponify you to save your life. You had ponification potion spilled on you and were undergoing a partial conversion. You were in great pain and dying when I found you. Luckily Bob and I were able to administer the rest of the potion.”
“I'm... a... pony?” Simone said. She rolled onto her stomach and looked at her new body. She had a soft gray coat with a pink mane and tail. She disliked grays and hated the color pink. Idly, she flicked her new pink tail. Why did she have to turn out pink?
“A unicorn,” the earth pony answered, “to be precise. Someday, you'll be able to use magic. With your horn.”
Simone blinked. “I'm a... unicorn?”
“Miss Unicorn has to answer for multiple crimes before she can learn anything about magic,” the rough voice said. The state cop rose from his study of Simone's discarded clothing. “I've found several items of contraband, among them a combat knife and a ring of lock picking keys. Not to mention all the flasks of pontification she had in her coat pockets.”
“I'm a gray and pink unicorn...”
“Bob,” the earth pony began, “this is a matter for Princess Celestia to handle. You don't have jurisdiction over newfoals.”
“Yeah,” Bob continued. “Miss Unicorn committed those crimes while human. That makes her my prisoner. Even if she did convert to a pony.”
“I'm a fucking gray and pink unicorn and I'm naked.”
“Oh, don't you fret about that,” the earth pony said to Simone, “You're naked, I'm naked, Star Shield's naked, it's spring and we're all ponies. You'll get used to it, dearie.” She turned back to the state policeman. “You can't have her. You can't hold her. What do your people know about keeping ponies?”
Bob tapped Simone's horn. “Lily Twirl, with this inhibitor ring, she can't do magic. We can hold her, give a her fair trial and lock her up to serve her sentence.”
“Fair trial?” Lily Twirl snorted. “And where are you going to lock her up? In those warehouses you call prisons? Filled with HLF members and worse? It won't be a prison sentence. It'll be a death sentence.” The earth pony stepped up to the cop. “And before you take her,” she said, hitting him in the legs with her hoof to make her point, “you'll have to answer to Princess Celestia”.
The second voice that had placed the red inhibitor ring on Simone's horn spoke. “Give it up, Bob.”
Bob glared at the other cop. “Always the pony lover, Bill. Fine, have it your way.”
Lily Twirl turned her attention to Simone. “Can you get to your feet, dearie? Take your fore legs and push yourself up. Then gather yourself and stand on your hind legs. Here, Bill, Bob, help her up. A stairway landing isn't the best place to recover from ponification.”
With an effort and a heave, Simone pulled herself up and stood unsteadily, using Bill's legs as additional support. She looked at her clothes lying in a heap, her boots cut open with a knife and her long coat split down the back.
“We had to cut your clothes off when you were changing,” Bob said. “They were confining your flesh and strangling you. Luckily, someone had a illegal knife in their pocket.”
Lily Twirl quieted the state cop with a glare. Then she turned back to Simone. “What's your name, dearie? We can't keep calling you 'Miss Unicorn' forever.”
“Simone,” the gray unicorn answered.
“Simone. That's nice. Now most newfoals don't deal with stairs until they feel more confident,” the earth pony said, “but we've really got to get off this landing. Perhaps if Bob and Bill were to lock hands and give you support from behind, we could help you climb these few steps?”
Step by step, they made it up the steps to the upper door, Lily Twirl showing Simone how to place each forefoot while Bob and Bill provided the muscle to push her up the stairs. In the broad hallway at the top, Lily Twirl thanked the two state cops for their help and sent them off. She then turned to Simone and thought for a moment. “Come along, dearie. I can show you to a room, get you a bite to eat and then we here can decide what is to become of you. Don't think we've ever had an involuntary conversion before in the Bureau.“
Simone sat in front of the mirror in her room and reflected. Large green eyes with long, soft eyelashes blinked back at her. Her gray horn, partially hidden by waves of pink hair, had a red inscribed ring sealing off her magic.
The mirror showed the rest of her room – a single bed, a small table holding the remains of her first meal as a pony, a wardrobe containing several coat hangers and a few cushions for sitting on. It was far better than the trashed furniture that she shared with Sean in the flop they called home. Thinking of Sean, the unicorn wondered if he had been able to avoid being arrested. She wondered if Sean would even know what to do without her calling the shots. He was good looking, good in bed, but kind of stupid. She wondered what Sean would do if he found himself in her shoes – no, her hooves. Would he be stupid enough to follow Edge down the stairs and into the potion storage room? And speaking of Edge, where was that kid? It was really his fault that she ended up being converted into unicorn against her will. He had protested when Simone grabbed most of the flasks. In fact, Edge probably loosened the seal on that one flask that sprayed her hand. All of this was Edge's fault!
“Ugh,” Simone finally said to the mirror. “All this thinking ain't getting me nowhere!” She rose to her feet and walked to the door. Pushing it open with her nose, Simone looked up and down the hallway. The attack on the Conversion Bureau had been quite tiring on the personnel of the Bureau and everyone had retired for the night. The hallway was empty.
She stepped out into the hallway and turned toward the lobby. Looking around the corner, Simone did not see anyone in the lobby. The registration desk smelled of gasoline and ash, the chairs and tables were a jumble of trash waiting to be cleared. And to the unicorn's surprise, the doors leading out were still broken and open.
She gathered up her courage and boldly walked forward. Someone had told her once that she should always walk like she belonged there. Cops pick up on little signs like hesitation and lack of self-confidence and then watch you for any signs of wrongdoing.
At the broken door, Simone walked past the guards. “Evening,” she said as if she had the perfect right to be wandering outside the Conversion Bureau.
“Ma'am,” the guard responded. “be careful now. We didn't get all the thugs that broke into the building. Some of them might still be out there.”
“Thank you for the warning. I certainly shall be careful.”
Simone trotted quickly away from the building and around the corner where she was out of sight of the Conversion Bureau and its guards. Underneath a gently buzzing sodium light, she began to think. Where to go?
Sean was her first choice. But was it a good choice? While Sean wasn't a card carrying member of the HLF, he agreed with most of their policies. She had been able to twist Sean around to her way of thinking on most things, but it would be hard to do as a short, gray pony. She couldn't even withhold sex as a punishment now. And even if Sean could accept her new body – and that's if Sean wasn't in jail for looting the Conversion Bureau – his friends were no friends of hers. She had belittled them, made fun of them and insulted them. She had able to do so, secure in the knowledge that either Sean or her skill with her combat knife would protect her. She no longer had her combat knife. She didn't even have the hands to wield the knife. Sean's friends would jump at the chance for payback.
Her next choice would be her parents. It would be a long walk up to Dumont where her parents had had their house. He was an executive with a large bank in New York City. She was an assistant attorney at a Wall Street investment house. Both were very proud of Simone's older brother and his progress toward a MBA at Harvard. Both had almost disowned Simone for failing to live up to their high standards. Her father would tell her that she had made her bed and must now lie in it. Her mother would wail and exclaim why Simone couldn't be more like her brother. What would her co-workers think? Would having a pony in the family hurt her chances for a promotion? No, she could not take refuge with her family.
Perhaps at school? Simone had no friends at school that she could rely on. Her bullying ways, her goth makeup, black-dyed hair, blood red clothes, heavy leather boots and long black coat had alienated most of her fellow students. She hung out mostly with Sean's clique when she wasn't attending classes. Simone had a reputation as a troublemaker and most students avoided her.
Maybe-
A rustling of leaves nearby caught her attention. Suddenly, Simone realized that she was out in the night alone with only running away as a defense. She backed away slowly. The leaves shook as if someone was trying to rush her. She turned and galloped quickly back towards the Conversion Bureau.
Lily Twirl and a white unicorn were waiting at the ruined door. “Welcome back, Simone,” the earth pony said as Simone walked towards them. “Did you have a nice walk? I hope you didn't have any problems. He,” nodding to the white unicorn, “was just about to retrieve you. The ring around your horn allows us to track you anywhere in the world.” Lily Twirl grinned. “Anywhere.”
Simone made no reply.
“I wonder,” the earth pony continued, “if you happened to see Bob. You know, he isn't very happy with losing his bust. Outside of the Conversion Bureau, he might decide to arrest you after all. They like arrests down at the station house.”
Simone hung her head.
“Anyway, I do hope you decide not to wander the streets of Hackensack,” Lily Twirl added. “They simply aren't safe for the likes of you and me. There is no safe place for you other than with us ponies.”
“Yeah...,” Simone said quietly. “I see that now.”
“Come now, back to your room. You could use a good night's rest and a good hearty breakfast in the morning. Things will be decided in the morning.”
Simone let herself be guided back to her room on the ground floor. “I'll tell the guards to be on the watch out if you should happen to wander off again,” Lily Twirl said. “Good night, dearie.”
The unicorn sat back down in front of her mirror. Green eyes blinked back at her. “No place to run to. No one to help me. I'm fucked.”
Something poked her gently in the ribs. Simone turned in her sleep and said, “Fuck no Sean, I'm still mad at you.”
“Wake up, wake up, dearie,“ Lily Twirl said. “They got a message from the court. They want you in Canterlot as soon as possible.”
Simone opened her eyes. It was so early in the morning that the sun had not even cleared the buildings across the street. “Huh?”
“There's barely enough time for a bite to eat. The guard that will take you to Canterlot is waiting.”
Simone rolled out of bed and stood up.
The earth pony pushed a bag at Simone's feet. “Your release bag. It contains a few things to help you start life again. Wash kit, rain gear, a few bits, necessities, paper and a writing utensil, that type of stuff. Every pony leaving the Conversion Bureau gets one. Come on, the clock is ticking.”
Simone looked at the bag at her feet. “How am I supposed to carry this? No hands.”
“With your mouth, you carry it with your mouth,” Lily Twirl said. She paused for a moment and then continued, “Listen, dearie, there ain't many people that get a second chance at life. Now I don't know much about you but from what I'm hearing, your life hasn't been all songs and roses. People don't carry a big knife like that if they're happy about themselves. You didn't plan on converting to a pony and the Conversion Bureau is real sorry that it happened. But it happened. Leave it and all your bad memories behind. You have a new world to explore. Don't make the same mistakes that you made in this world.”
Simone followed her guard through the white hallways of the castle in Canterlot. She had met the stoic Royal Guard as she exited the Conversion Bureau. A white pegasus in golden armor, he told her that he was ordered to escort her to Canterlot; he spoke no more than a few sentences to her during the rest of the long trip. Simone wondered what his name was.
The two of them arrived in front of a polished wooden door guarded by two more of the Royal Guards. “Wait here,” the pegasus ordered, opened the door and slipped inside.
“Hi,” Simone smiled at the two guards. “Nice weather we're having. What do ya do for fun around here.”
The two guards stared into the distance with stony expressions.
“I just flew in from the coast and boy, my arms are... I see that joke doesn't work with you pegasi, does it.”
The guards continued their impression of a pair of statues.
“Tough crowd,” Simone said to herself. “Think positive, think positive.”
The polished wooden doors opened again. “Come in,” said a tan earth pony. “The magistrate will now hear your case.”
Simone walked into a large room as the earth pony closed the doors behind her. There was a tall bench at one end of the room upon which a gray unicorn with a elegantly tousled black mane and a pince-nez on his muzzle, sat. Other than her guard, there was no one else in the room. The tan pony walked to the center of the room. “Hear ye, hear ye, the court of Magistrate Jet Set is now in session.”
“Thank you, bailiff”, the magistrate said. “Let us make haste. I have a garden party to attend shortly. What are the charges?”
The guard stepped forward, reached into his armor and pulled forth a packet of papers. He passed the packet to the magistrate and stepped back.
“I see,” the magistrate said after glancing through the papers. “Has the defendant anything to say before I pass sentence? I realize that there are mitigating circumstances but the defendant did attempt to steal a large amount of ponification potion.”
Simone glared at the magistrate.
“I sentence you to be banished to the Everfree-”
The bailiff quickly approached the magistrate and whispered in his ear.
“Oh really? Since when? I see. If that is what is recommended.” The magistrate straightened up and gave Simone a stern look through his pince-nez. “I am informed that banishment to the Everfree Forest is longer a fit punishment for that crime. Furthermore, I am told the correct sentence is a period of community service. At the behest of Princess Celestia, you will perform those duties that are required of you. Term to run - how much ponification potion did she take? That much? Well, 365 days. Time off for good behavior and all that. Is there someone representing the crown here?”
There was a knocking at the wooden doors. The bailiff walked over and let in a pink unicorn mare with a magenta mane.
“I'm sorry that I'm late,” the pink unicorn said as she trotted up to the bench. “I overslept and they just told me that my charge had arrived. Dawn Light, representing the crown of Equestria.”
“I see,” harrumphed the magistrate. “I transfer the custody of the prisoner to your supervision. Has the prisoner's magic been properly restrained?
“Yes sir,” the guard answered. “It was applied at the Conversion Bureau in Hack... Hackney... Hackney-Sack.”
Simone turned to the pink unicorn standing at her side. “I can appeal the case to a higher authority?”
“Certainly,” Dawn Light answered. “But the only one you can appeal to is Princess Celestia.”
“Then I will.” Simone stepped towards the bench. “I appeal this case! To Princess Celestia!”
The magistrate who was about to leave for his garden party, stopped. “An appeal? Very well. Bailiff, when is the next opening in the princess's schedule for hearing appeals? That long? She is a very busy alicorn indeed.” He turned back to Simone. “You may make your appeal in 370 days. In the meantime, you will serve your community service under the supervision of Dawn Light or whoever the crown appoints. Good day!”
Simone watched the magistrate leave the courtroom and muttered, “Bah, fuck you and the horse.... wait, that doesn't work here, does it?”
Dawn Light collected the packet of papers from the magistrate's bench. “Come along, young lady. Let's get a light lunch and then we'll find you a place to stay for a few days. It'll give you time to get acclimated to Equestria and those things that you need to know. They should have taught you all that at the Conversion Bureau.”
Simone sighed. “ They wanted to get me out of there because a cop named Bob was trying to arrest me for the same crime that I got sentenced here in Canterlot.”
“Well, come along. Don't forget your release bag,” Dawn Light said.
Following along behind Dawn Light, Simone was surprised by Canterlot. Tall white and gold towers reached for the sky. Unicorns crowded the streets, many of them dressed in hats or coats. Some of them used magic – Simone guessed it was magic – to carry shopping bags. She saw a few earth ponies, mostly busy with the myriad tasks involved in keeping the city clean. The few pegasus that she saw were Royal Guards, standing at their posts. A sign of a pony having her hair styled caught her eye.
“Dawn Light?” Simone began, putting down her bag. “Do we have time for a small stop first?”
“I don't see why not.”
“I want to get my coat, mane and tail dyed.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I don't like my colors. Pink is such a horrid color to be.”
“Well!” the pink unicorn sniffed. “Some of us... love the color pink.”
“But I don't,” Simone said as she entered the salon.
“Welcome... miss,” the young cyan unicorn said as she caught sight of Simone's inhibitor ring around her horn.
“Good day, Azure Touch,” Dawn Light said as she entered the salon behind the gray unicorn. “This young lady would like a coat dye and a mane coloring.”
“Certainly. What would the miss wish?”
“Black. Black for my coat. Can you do that?” Simone asked.
“But of course. It is not popular since Nightmare Moon made her appearance but I can do that.”
“And can you make my mane and tail black as well?”
Azure Touch stared at Simone. “Is the young miss going on an infiltration mission?” she asked of Dawn Light. “Or perhaps is she going to move stage settings at an avant-garde play?
“No pony would even consider coloring their mane the same color as their coat color,” Dawn Light answered.
Simone thought for a moment. “Red then?”
“It would be a bit garish,” Azure Touch replied, “but it can be done.”
A short time later, Simone left the salon, a black and red unicorn. Dawn Light had to help her pay for the coloration with the coins in Simone's bag. Azure Touch wished them well and told Simone that she'd have to come back in two months for another touch up. Simone was pleased with the way that her red mane made her inhibitor ring less obvious.
The sidewalk cafe was wonderful and the small cake pastries were delightful. It even made up for the last few days that Simone had to spent practicing writing in her diary with her writing instrument. The street was crowded as always with unicorns. Some stallions, Simone noticed, were looking at her as they passed by. They were noting her striking black coat and red mane. She smiled at them, shook out her mane and asked Dawn Light, “Tell me again why I have to practice writing,”
The pink unicorn was using magic to lift her espresso cup to her lips. Simone had to take the cup in her lips and tilt it upwards to to drink – just like an earth pony.
“One of the terms of your sentence,” Dawn Light said after putting down her cup, “was that you would write every day in your dairy. You would write down your thoughts and feelings.” Her horn glowed for a moment and the diary rose out of Simone's bag and on to the table. “Your true thoughts and feelings. Up to now, all that I can read is that you hate this Edge fellow and that you hope he dies horribly. Every page has a mention of Edge and how it's all his fault.”
“But it really is his fault. Every time I think of him-” Simone said sullenly.
“Simone,” the pink unicorn said softly, “it is time to put those things behind you. You have a new chance, a second chance at life.” She slid the diary across the table to Simone. “You'll start serving your sentence tomorrow. We'll be traveling to some small place called Ponyville to meet the others who are starting their community service under a Misses Providence. You can compare notes and tell each other stories. It'll make the days go faster. You'll see.”
The train rattled through the countryside. In the almost empty third car, a pair of unicorns sat. The pink unicorn rested on her bench, her eyes closed. The black unicorn with the red mane sat, her head resting on the windowsill, watching the trees and fields rush by. “Dawn Light,” the black unicorn said softly, “How long has it been? A few days? Only a few days?”
Dawn Light grunted.
“It seems like forever since I walked into the flop where Sean and his gang were staying... made love to him... ran up the steps to my school... hung out with my gang near the school's boiler room... I'm having a hard time remembering these things.”
“Equestria has that effect on newfoals,” Dawn Light said sleepily. “Memories giving way for new memories. Let them go...”
Simone turned back to the rows of apple trees streaming past. “But my memories are all I have of my.... old life. I can picture things in my mind – but it's like it was in a dream. Not real.”
Dawn Light opened her eyes. “You won't need those memories now, Simone. Not in Equestria. But if it makes you feel better, write them down in your diary.”
The train whistled and began to slow down. The rows of apple trees gave way to a park, filled with grass, trees and walkways.
“I've tried,” Simone said sullenly. “I've really tried. But the words, the thoughts don't even make sense anymore.” She laid her head back on the windowsill.
The train slowed to a walking pace as it entered Ponyville station. With a hiss of steam and a screech, it shuddered to a stop. Dawn Light sat up and jumped down from her bench. “Come on Simone, we have someone to meet.”
Simone clip-clopped out onto the platform with Dawn Light. Waiting for them were a tan mare wearing glasses on her muzzle and a strong earth pony guard.
“Welcome to Ponyville, Ma'am,” said the tan earth pony.
“Thank you, Mayor Mare,” said Dawn Light. “May I present Simone who will be your charge until Misses Providence takes responsibility?”
“Yes, thank you. The others are under guard just outside the town. We'll take good care of her until Misses Providence takes over. Might I have the paperwork?”
Dawn Light's horn glowed and a packet of paper floated over to Mayor Mare. The tan earth pony slipped it into her collar and turned to go.
“Good bye, Simone,” Dawn Light said. “Remember, to let go of the past; it can only hurt you here.” She stepped onto the platform of the passenger car and the train slowly pulled out of the station.
The three ponies left Ponyville station, the earth pony guard keeping a close eye on the black unicorn. Simone wanted to ask questions of Mayor Mare but the cold demeanor of the earth pony guard discouraged her. They walked briskly, leaving the buildings of the town behind until they came to a clearing with three other earth pony guards and two individuals, the like of which Simone had never seen before. One was the bastard get of an eagle and a lion. From the looks of the eagle's beak, the powerful wings, the heavily muscled hindquarters, and the mighty talons, this beast was designed to feed on every kind of pony. The other was even stranger. Whatever the other individual was, she – and Simone was unsure of her gender – she looked to be the result of someone dumping every kind of animal into a blender and switching it on. Simone had no idea what the mixed up creature's purpose was. Both the individuals had scarlet bands around their hooves similar to the ring around her horn.
“ What-” she began to question.
“Silence in the ranks,” one of the earth pony guards barked. “There will be no talking!”
Mayor Mare looked over her little group. “We've got a little more traveling to do to meet Misses Providence and her charge. They're flying in from Canterlot by balloon. It seems that her charge had a meeting with the Princess herself.
Simone and the others sullenly followed Mayor Mare and the four earth pony guards down a broad and winding cobblestone path. Ahead on a small hill was a balloon and standing beside it was a elderly unicorn and a young white pegasus with a golden mane and tail. The white pegasus was obviously Misses Providence's charge as she also had a similar red band around her hoof.
Mayor Mare greeted the elderly unicorn and the two fell to talking. Paperwork was presented and signed and then Mayor Mare and the four stoic earth pony guards walked away.
Simone stared.
“Eh, you'll get used to it, dweeb. Name's Gilda. Gilda Griffon.”
E-Edge,” said the white pegasus, her head swinging between the others and the sleeping unicorn.
Edge? That nasty little kid that started all her problems? Here? A pony? Simone had thought and had planned and had dreamed about getting her revenge on the kid responsible for her ending up this way. But she had never thought that she would actually carry it out. Killing him was too easy a punishment – and she no longer thought that she could murder another pony. But she could make his life miserable. Oh, she could have so much fun making his life hell.
“Edge, huh. I get to blame you for all this, then.” said Simone.
“Simone?” squeaked Edge.
“Yeah, Simone. You make a pretty pony, Edge. Do as I say and you'll stay that way,” Simone said in a threatening tone.
“You, I like,” said Gilda. “Not sure about this other one.”
“Bedlam, my name's Bedlam.” the strange creature began. The small group talked and compared stories as they walked down towards Ponyville. They were very impressed with Edge's account of how he insulted the Princesses.
“Now that is hardcore. You're alright with me, Edge. Come on, let's see what they got in this flip-flop dump of a town for a bunch of righteous criminals to do.” Gilda punched Edge in the flank.
They walked a bit closer to town. Simone sidled up to Gilda. “Edge. That pegasus. He got me into this mess. He's the reason that I became a unicorn mare against my will.
“Edge?” Gilda snorted. “A guy? With that body and those eyes? You got to be joshing me.”
“Yeah, he's a guy,” Simone said. “An annoying kid that I wish I never met.”
“Hey dweeb,” called Gilda to Edge who was walking behind them. “Simone here says that you're a guy.”
“I was,” Edge answered.
“So... what? You're telling me you're a filly now? Bullshit,” called Simone.
“Fuck you, Simone.”
“Prove it.”
“Alright I will! I'm a girl, okay! I took the wrong stuff and I came out a girl! Happy?” Edge spun around and spread her hind legs. She lifted her tail and presented the evidence that she was truly a mare to the world.
Simone for her part, burst out laughing. Oh this was rich! This was funny! This was revenge! This was better than any plan that she could ever come up with. The best part of it – she didn't have to lift a hand – a hoof. She could just sit back and watch Edge squirm.
“Fuck you, Simone,” repeated Edge.
Simone laughed even harder. She laughed so hard, she was rolling on the grass.
Edge stormed past.
“Simone?” Misses Providence asked. “We're all ready to go on. Would you be a dear and go look for Edge? I really need to keep an eye on Bedlam and Gilda or they will start telling strange stories about humans again.”
“Yes, Misses Providence,” Simone replied.
The elderly unicorn smiled.
It was the fourth small town that the group had flown to with Misses Providence's balloon. Sometimes, Misses Providence would have them go out and do farm work, other times, she would have them go into classrooms full of young fillies and colts and give a short presentation as to what they were, where they were from and why they were here. By now, Simone could recite her lines in her sleep. But the questions that the foals came up with surprised her. The little colts and fillies had a way of stripping away the lies she told herself and holding a mirror to the truth. Simone dreaded giving the performances. She would almost rather collect rotten apples for the pigs or plough fields than face another class of bright eager faces.
Edge suffered even worse than the others. The white pegasus had to explain to the foals how it came about that she was born a man but was now a pegasus mare. At first, Simone enjoyed watching him squirm but then it became tiresome.
Gilda and Bedlam had picked up on their discomfort and used every opportunity to spread rumors and untruths about humans and Earth. Simone and Edge got tried of explaining that they didn't eat ponies, they had not eaten ponies as humans and as far as they could recollect, had never eaten a pony in their lives.
“Edge?” Simone called out as she trotted around the corner of the schoolhouse. Past the striped pole with tether balls, the swings and slides, out by the road, Edge was talking to a blue unicorn and a brown pegasus. “Missus Providence wants you...”
“Okay!” Edge called back. He turned back to the stallions. “I've got to go now!”
“What are you doing?” Simone hissed at the white pegasus as she trotted by.
“They wanted to know what's it like on Earth,” Edge replied. “They were very nice.” She trotted past Simone and into the schoolhouse.
Simone smiled, shook out her mane, patted down her forelock and began to walk to the two males. But they had already turned and headed back into town. She stared; the males were all over Edge while Simone got... nothing.
Something like this had happened in the previous town. And the one before that. And every single time that they met stallions. Something about the white pegasus had all the males fascinated with her. While Edge was unaware of the stallions' interest, Simone couldn't get a single glance in her direction. This wasn't supposed to happen. Her subtle revenge on the kid was beginning to backfire.
“Let me get this straight,” Edge huffed.
“Shoot,” Simone said.
“You - and Gilda and Bedlam - vandalizedmy picture because..?”
“Nopony, ugh... nobody knew it was you.”
“Why?”
“Lighten up scrub, it was funny. You know, haha and all that?”
Edge rolled her eyes, “Well okay, I guess it was kinda funny. Certainly had the kids laughing.”
“Pfft, screw them.” Simone blew a lock of her mane out of her eyes, “I just want this to be over.”
Edge looked down at the ground, the ground she was currently plowing. “I don’t.”
“Edge? What the fuck are you on? This is dull! This is Dullzville, Dull county, Dullestria. boring with a capital snooze!”
“You know what I did before... this?”
“No, and I don’t care.”
“I screwed the tops on toothpaste, because the company was too poor to refurbish their robot and cheap labour was cheaper than hiring the extortionate prices that manual robot and AI techs cost, least that’s what they thought. You want dull, you try screwing little plastic tops on toothpaste tubes for eight hours a day.”
“Bah.” Simone looked away, mostly in a direction only she could see.
“Hey watch it! You’ll tip us!” Edge stumbled, yanking Simone back to reality as the plough jumped on a buried rock.
“So? Who gives a shit.”
“Me! I can’t use these... these bloody wings, but they still hurt like buggery when I sprain them!”
“Wah wah wah, my wings hurt, my hooves hurt. At least you can use your wings. I’ve got this damn inhibitor-ring on my horn and I have to do everything like an earth pony, including pulling this stupid plough for stupid settlers in this stupid ‘extramentional land’ bullshit.”
“Exponential.”
“Whatever! And worst of all I’ve got to do it hitched to you, the whiniest, horniest, bitchiest little mare who’s just begging for somepony to plough her own furrow.”
“I... don’t!”
“You do! Even I can tell you’re gagging for it! Half the fucking stallions around here are at half mast if you so much as flick an eyelid, and...”
“What?”
“And none of them want me.”
Edge stopped short, causing Simone to stumble, “I... don’t know what to say. I... think you’re pretty.”
“Fuck you.”
“I do!”
“Fuck off you filly fooler.”
Edge trembled, her bottom lip quivered. She suddenly flexed, twisted, turned, pulled, bucked and threw the harness off. With one final look at Simone, she bolted.
Simone watched her go.
Far overhead, in a deep blue sky, puffy white clouds floated slowly by. Simone was still entangled in her harness, lying in a dirty field, hungry and thirsty, waiting for somepony to come find her. Hours had passed since Edge had fled. “Stupid second chances. Stupid everything...”
Twist in the Tail: Community Service
A Twist in the Tail
Community Serviced
An MLP:FiM Fanfiction by Midnight Shadow set in the Conversion Bureau Alternate Universe, originally by Blaze
Note : Remember when I said I was writing this just to have fun? Well, this is about as shameless as it gets. When I ship, I ship hard. Please don't take it too seriously.
“Oh come on! Me ? Pull that ? what do I look like, a mule?” Bedlam snarled, pointing angrily at the plough.
“And what am I, you freak, chopped liver?” Simone fumed, she was still hitched up to it.
“I’ll show you chopped liver you hairless monkey wannabe fake-pony!”
“Enough.” Misses Providence stomped her hoof, once. Simone and Bedlam found themselves quite unable to speak. “That’s better. Now, you two will both pull the plough - and whilst I apologize profusely for you being left there for several hours, that does not mean you can slack off any further."
Simone fumed. Slacking off? She'd been trapped in that Celestia-damned contraption, not... well okay, so she'd been lying down, but she hadn't enjoyed it! Even if the sun had been pleasantly warm and the breeze comfortably cooling.
"Gilda, you are going to go find Miss Edge and, if at all possible, bring her back here.”
“Oh why does she get to use her wings whilst I’ve got to stay down here with little miss no-hands?” Bedlam complained, pointing a hoof-paw at Simone.
“Because these ploughs are made for two, and for two ponies at that. They won’t fit Gilda but they will fit you . Come on, spit spot, it’s character building.”
Bedlam glowered and shrugged herself angrily into the harness. She snarled at Simone, who bared her own teeth and flicked her ears back. Gilda chuckled, but took off quickly at an angry look from Misses Providence, to make her way skywards before the old nag could change her mind.
Gilda spread her wings, beating them mightily as she gained height. She loved flying. She’d never admit it, not even to another griffon, but she loved flying more than almost anything. The freedom, the speed, the power, the one-ness with everything... she hadn’t really meant to steal the applecart. She certainly hadn’t meant to crash it, and while pretty, the fire had been a complete misunderstanding. She did have to admit though, in her heart of hearts, that she had been perhaps a little tiny bit reckless and just the teeniest bit to blame for the whole affair.
Speaking of affairs, she thought to herself, where was that turkey? Pretty little thing she might be, but adept at flying she certainly wasn’t. Pretty , that word stuck in her head. Why had she picked that one? Break her beak but the idiot was... a reject. A quitter, she’d quit her own kind to be one of those lame-o ponies. She was... she was supposed to be a male, right? That’s what she’d said, but right now the minx was female, winged, and very much in heat. It was driving Gilda nuts .
“Alright so she’s pretty. So what. It’s not like you wanna...” Gilda swallowed, and did a barrel-roll to clear her head. She realized she certainly did want to roost with that filly, turkey or not. This was bad . This was awful . No, wait, it was worse than that. Gilda... had a crush .
***
I’m not walking on clouds, I’m walking on... white grass. Warm snow. Yeah. Solid ground, everything’s alright and nothing hurts. I’m not hundreds of feet above a sheer drop and standing on water vapour at all...
“Edge, did you say your name was? Are you coming?” Spitfire sounded frustrated.
Edge gulped, “Y-yes, I’m coming...” Edge made a single step. Then another. Then a third and a fourth. She peeped her eyes open for a moment, shut them tight as a squeak escaped her lips, and did it again. She squealed and stumbled on one leg, whimpering with fright as she rolled over, deathly afraid she would fall off.
“Oh good grief. Don’t tell me, you’re afraid of falling?”
Edge shook her head, “N-no, I’m kind of afraid of the stop at the bottom.”
"And you've sprained an ankle? On a cloud? Tell me again why Celestia wants you newfoals? Seriously, first time out on a cloud and it's like Soarin here when he forgets to go potty after a show. Legs locked tighter than..."
"Wha'?" Soarin looked up from his contemplation of the alabaster moons of Planet Plot, and scowled after he ran the last few sentences through his brain, "Are you saying I wet the bed?"
"Nah. I'm saying you're excellent at making it rain."
"That only happened that one time! I mean-"
"That was last week."
"Spitfiiirrrree!"
"What, it's not like I told her about that time at Neighagra Falls where we couldn't tell whether the cloud castle had sprung a leak or-"
"Aww come on! That's not true!"
"Come on, Snowflake, up you get. Spitfire'll take care of you. Soarin'll help, once he stops drooling over your flank."
Spitfire led the way, bantering with the now whining Soarin as she explained about his alleged gross, crass or otherwise shameful secrets and personal habits. The mind is a strange thing - both human and pony - and as Edge started to laugh at poor Soarin's misfortunes, she managed to mostly forget about her ankle as well as that the strange scenery around her was several hundred feet up in the air. It really was like walking on soft, white grass. Clouds in Equestria were soft like cotton wool, warm and fluffy. She could shape and mold them with her hooves and wings. It was just like walking through a valley down below, only the great boiling, rolling plain was of white instead of green and brown.
As she looked, Edge realised that white wasn't actually correct. The sun sparkled through a billion raindrops, shedding colours and illuminating the floating cloud-scape in an almost palpable shower of rainbow lights. It was beyond pretty. It was like some fairytale rendition of an impossible floating castle. All that was missing was a beanstalk, a giant and a talking - Edge ducked as a taloned shape flew overhead.
"Dammit Heracles, stop scaring the newfoals! This one can't even fly!" Spitfire called.
A large, male griffon landed heavily, the cloud around his lion-like rear paws and fore-talons puffing alarmingly, "Hah. Newfoals. At least our newlings, rare as they are, know how to be a griffon. What's this one doing here, then, if she can't even fly?"
"Rescued her!" Soarin puffed out his chest.
"Not without spraining her ankle." sniffed Spitfire.
"Oh aye? Better take her in then, see that she's alright. I see one of those community service bracelets you ponies are so fond of, unless it's some ridiculous newfoal fashion statement."
"It's usually a human thing," Spitfire waved a hoof, "'sides, look at her. She's harmless. And kinda cute."
Edge blushed, and then winced. And then blushed again.
Heracles the griffon rolled his eyes and squawked softly, "I don't know what you see in 'em. Some of 'em are so useless, you'd think old Queenie would beg us to be chowing down on the stragglers. Ain't nothing quite so tasty as eating a little pony now and then."
Edge's bottom lip quivered, tears springing to her eyes.
"Oh get out of it you great plucked chicken, now look what you've done!"
"Pfft, a wet bundle of feathers, that one. I'll tell the chief, you go give her something to calm her down."
"Sshh, calm down Snowflake, that great feathered lump won't eat you. He's a big softy really, just don't say I said so." said Spitfire as she ushered the white pegasus into a small shack made out of rolled and compressed cloudstuff. It had what looked like a red cross on the front, with a staff through the middle, surrounded by a pair of very thin dragons. If Edge had thought about it, she'd have been surprised at that.
"R-really?" Edge pulled a wing around and wiped her nose with it noisily.
"Oh Edge, that's... that's disgusting... come here, let me clean you up a bit. Soarin, shut that door."
Edge snuffled, dancing on her aching hooves and favouring the sprained one, her right front hoof. She looked nervously at the door and window, and back to the mare and stallion before her.
The mare was a striking yellow, with a flame-like mane and tail. She seemed athletic, strong, lithe. Edge's wings shot out as the mare stretched before bending to pick up a small roll of bandages.
"You like what you see?" Spitfire stretched again, flaring her wings out.
Edge gulped, and nodded, before her jaw dropped open and she squeaked out, "No! I mean, uh, yes, I mean..."
Spitfire laughed, "It's like that, huh? Hey Soarin, sorry to disappoint ya, you'll just have to stick with pie."
"Pie? Where?" Soarin turned around, his own wings flaring out as his second-most favourite pastime - pie eating - was discussed.
Edge gulped. The light blue stallion with the fetching, dark blue mane and tail was large and muscular, with a powerful bulk that measured up just fine to Spitfire's more elegant and lithe frame. Her wings shot out, knocking over a lamp of some sort, which promptly vanished into the floor.
"Oh, I see. Play for both teams, huh?
"I... what?" Edge was breathless, staggering slightly backwards, the pain in her forehoof forgotten.
"We've got some time, right Soar?"
"Sure thing Spits."
"If you want, Snowflake?"
Edge gulped, flicking her tail. That curious itch had returned, that burning feeling in her hind quarters, the one that made her shuffle her hind hooves every time a pretty mare looked her way... maybe she could... but... with a stallion too?
"Hey, hey, we won't pressure you into anything, Snowflake, don't worry - you're just... kinda pretty, you know? If you don't want a slice of the Soarin pie, I can have him all to myself and still show you how it's done-"
"Pie?" Soarin grinned again, was there plot and pie on the menu?
"Yeah, kinda like that. We'll take it slow, but if you don't I'll understand, it's just you seem like you're in that sort of way, Snowflake."
"I think," Edge swallowed hard, "I think..."
Spitfire beamed.
***
Gilda swore loudly. Stupid Cloud Village, no signs, no snacks, no rainbow falls - just shacks and second-hoof weather machinery. And ponies.
"Edge?"
"Aauugh!"
"You in there?"
"Get out!"
"Oh for... EDGE!"
"For you, baby, I can be this 'Edge' you speak of..."
Gilda threw a compressed cloud-based fence-post at the last one. Pegasi, huh, always with the... oh no. Sunlight, meet estrus cycle. Edge, meet both of them.
"EDGE!"
Gilda didn't have to wait long.
"AAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Edge came screaming along, running for her life. She bowled into the surprised griffon and the pair flipped, as they say, arse over tit to land in a cloud-bank.
"Edge, so help me, I'm going to gut you one of these days. What's wrong now?"
"They were gonna... in the... with a..."
Gilda sighed as she stood up and proceeded to un-kink the pegasus filly, who was so very bent out of shape. "Slow down, what's wrong?"
"I, er, well..." Edge blushed. She felt... kind of stupid, now. They were... kind of... well they'd let her go, but she was feeling kind of overwhelmed when they were proposing...
Gilda raised an eyebrow, "Seriously? You ran away from that ? What's wrong with you?"
"Hey! I didn't even tell you what they wanted, yet!"
"Baby, it's written on your muzzle plain as the day is long, and it's so very, very long out here, which is kind of why it's. So. Plain . Come on, that's it, you and me, we're going to have a little 'heart to heart' with these pegasi. Wait, you did say more than one, right? Edge, baby, I like your style..."
"Nice going you pie-fixated lump of feathers."
"You keep sayin' pie and I still don't see any, Spits-"
"And for the last time it's not-"
"Did you say Spitfire ?" Gilda asked, as she dragged a recalcitrant Edge into the now rather-cosy sky-shack.
"Hey, even the griffon's have heard of us, Soarin."
"You... you I like. Him, not so much." Gilda pointed a claw first at Spitfire, and then at Soarin, who pouted.
"Hey, I resent-"
"Yeah, yeah. What did you do to my Edgey? I caught her running for her life!"
Spitfire blushed, "She's kinda cute, ya know? And, well, we kinda saved her life, and she's..." Spitfire raised her tail and swayed her hips alluringly. Gilda took the hint.
"You noticed, huh? Of course you noticed. Well, get to it then." The Griffon pushed the pony onto the wide cloud-built bed and nodded from Spitfire towards the now-reclining Edge.
"What?" Edge asked, "Don't I get a say in this?"
"No," Gilda said, rounding on the white pegasus, "you've been prancing about for a week and so help me, you're getting introduced to how they do it over here in Equestria if it kills you. One the bed, now ."
Spitfire laughed, "Come on, Snowflake, I'll be gentle. You'll love it."
"And I get to watch. Anypony got a problem with that?"
"Can I watch you ?" Soarin asked.
"Sure thing, you can look all you want, but touching'll cost you extra."
"Oh boy." Soarin smiled, his third favourite pastime.
Edge shivered, the yellow mare with the frankly beautiful flame-coloured mane advanced on her, and gently, ever so gently, nibbled a wing. Edge moaned, wings extending as the pegasus preened her.
"Mmm, you like that, huh? Any time it feels bad, you tell me to stop, okay Snowflake?"
"Just keep doing that." Edge hissed, tail raising.
The pony's lips ran across Edge's metacarpus, chewing delicately before carrying on down the outer primaries. Spitfire nuzzled the broad feathers, spreading them and kneading with her muzzle. Edge shuddered, in utter bliss, as she relaxed onto the bed. Her eyes closed and she began to mumble and moan, kicking the air with her hooves and almost mewling.
"You're right, dammit, she's cute. Edge, babe, move over. G wants a slice of the pegasi-pie." Gilda clambered onto the bed, which was rapidly getting crowded. She placed herself above both Edge and Spitfire, wings splayed out, before dropping her beaked head to nip and bite in spots she just knew pegasi found irresistible.
"Pie?" Soarin' asked, standing at attention in more ways than one.
Gilda sighed, looked over at Spitfire, who nodded, and then turned back to the stallion, "Alright, get on in here, but mind where you put that thing..."
Edge whimpered, there was such a large amount of ponyflesh surrounding her, far more than she'd ever had near her before... and it felt so good . She was putty, she was modelling clay, she was... oh Celestia, she was in heaven. Her entire body was on fire , and then there were those soft hooves and those sharp talons and that beak! She'd never expected that a beak could be that... versatile and playful! And then Soarin was close, closer, closer still, and he was... and she was... and then...
***
Gilda languished on the bed, mission accomplished, in more ways than one. So she liked the ponies, she reasoned, it was just a phase - a sexy, sexy phase. She didn't have a crush on Edge at all, though, no. Not even a tiny bit. Nope. Nothing in those glossy white feathers or that darling yellow mane and tail attracted her in the slightest, it was just... yeah, a symptom of the phase. A bit of fun.
She turned her beak, and nibbled at the little white and yellow pegasus softly. The darling thing whinnied and giggled in her sleep. Gilda warbled happily, wings wrapped around the three snoozing ponies on top of her. She was the biggest hen in the flock, and they all flocked to her. Life was good.
It was then that the balloon came through the floor.
In hindsight, Gilda should probably have found some way to say that she and her quarry were safe, that they'd just be a little while longer up in the clouds before returning back down to the ground, but the view of your own tail feathers always was perfect.
"I hope," Misses Providence said, scowling and glaring at the pretty prone puddle of mostly-ponies, "that you have a good explanation for all this."
Bedlam was trying to contain herself, and failing.
Simone was livid. If her mane and tail hadn't been red before, well, she was certainly seeing red now.
Gilda blushed sheepishly at the three of them, grinning like a cheshire cat, as she tried to get Edge to wake up.
Twist in the Tail: Community Service
Getting the Gang Back Together
A Twist in the Tail
Community Service
Edge followed the two pegasus guards with her head held low. When she dared a glance behind, two more pegasus guards glared at her with stony expressions.
The morning before her audience, she had been told by an officious-looking unicorn, “You will address them as ‘your highness’, you will speak only when spoken to. You will answer all questions honestly, truthfully and to the best of your ability and you will not turn your back on either one of them until you have been dismissed, is that understood?”
“Yes sir.” Edge had squeaked out. The unicorn stared her down until she felt like the earth would open up and swallow her.
“That is yes ma’am, but under the circumstances I will be lenient.”
“Sorry ma’am!” Edge’s heart sank. How were you supposed to tell these ponies apart?
“Good. You may yet one day be fit to wear that body.” the unicorn had turned around smartly at that point, flicking Edge in the face with her tail, before storming out. The guards had surrounded her, and she’d been bustled off to meet Celestia and Luna to plead her case.
As her hooves echoed down the corridor ahead of her, Edge thought back to the last few days, to before she’d entered Equestria. Edge had been a man then. Not only a human, but a man. Edge snorted, a boy, really. Barely sixteen with a chip the size of the Grand Canyon on his shoulder. It was all that damned Simone’s fault, somehow. She’d got him to steal the wrong potion. How was he supposed to know it would work? Not only that, but it was a special potion, or something. She fluttered her wings in annoyance. Upon taking it, she’d woken up not only as a pony, but as a mare. A pegasus mare, and to top off the embarrassment, she was in season. Hopefully that last bit was only temporary, but - as the vet had oh-so-maliciously enjoyed telling her - plenty of good sunshine had a way of prolonging the situation.
The double doors were huge, enormous. They stretched many feet into the air and looked like their weighed a ton, and yet they opened without a sound.
“You will enter and stand before Celestia and Luna.” said one of the guards. Edge had no idea what his name was, she hadn’t asked and he hadn’t exactly offered. Not a single one had spoken to her the entire trip, until now.
“What... what do I do?”
“You’ll know.”
Edge gulped, and walked nervously into the room.
The room was huge, even larger than the doors would have suggested. It was a ballroom, the ceiling disappearing into vaulted shadows and the walls so far apart you’d need a suspension bridge instead of rafters. Edge clip-clopped through the room and couldn’t help but notice she seemed to be entirely alone, apart from two forms reclining upon what looked like large, comfortable thrones on a raised dais.
“WHO NOW STANDETH BEFORE US, THE TWIN PRINCESSES OF EQUESTRIA? SPEAK!”
The voice, oh goodness the voice! Edge cringed. The voice was like a powerchord from one of those thrash metal bands of the last century. She swore the building shook.
“I, er, er, I...”
“THAT IS A VERY STRANGE NAME, SUBJECT. WE ADVISE THEE TO PROCURE ANOTHER!”
“Sorry!” squeaked Edge.
“IT IS QUITE ALRIGHT, SUBJECT AYE-ER-ER-AYE! SPEAK UP NOW! FOR WHAT REASON IS THINE PRESENCE MET HERE TODAY?”
“!” managed Edge, cowering even more.
“OUR EARS ARE UNABLE--”
“Luna, Luna dear, please stop teasing her, can’t you see the poor thing is scared... oh dear, now look what you’ve done. We’ll have to send for the janitors to clean that up. Thank goodness I insisted on no carpets today.”
“THOU DAREST MARK THE ROYAL--”
“Luna, dearest...”
There was a sound not unlike a pony turning her nose up in a huff and sulking.
“That’s better. Approach the throne, Edge of Equestria.”
Edge stood, or rather cowered, shaking. Her legs unable to move, her heart beating a staccato, blood pounding in her ears...
“I swear, every other pegasus is either brash as the day is long or skittish as a newborn foal.” said Celestia, her horn bursting into light as she lifted Edge into the air.
Edge found herself spun around and sat up properly in front of the two thrones of Equestria. She remembered this place from her dream, it had been full of... strange creatures, ponies with horns, wings... some had been male, very noticeably so. It made her blush to think of it.
Celestia - who else could it be, the pony before her had a mane that shone with all the colours of the aurora, a long pearly horn and two huge yet dainty wings on her back - peered at a scroll through a neat pair of spectacles. Edge couldn’t help but notice that her younger but only slightly smaller sister was doing much the same. Celestias expression was hard but kind. Luna glared like a basilisk. Edge swore she saw smoke from her nostrils.
“It says here you compared my sister and I to... what was it? ‘Horn-headed chicken-winged donkeys’?”
“THOU DAREST!” shouted Luna, stomping a hoof. Edge whimpered when sparks flew from the granite.
“I...”
“And apparently you claimed that ponification potion was just a pretext to,” Celestia cleared her throat, though it strangely sounded almost like a laugh, “to having your brain scooped out with a melon-baller?”
“ANOTHER BASE LIE! THY BRAIN IS ENTIRELY WHOLE AND UN-SCOOPED!” Luna shouted, the Royal Canterlot Voice echoing from the rafters.
“And we shall add to those charges causing us to call the janitors in not once but twice.” noted Celestia, “How do you plead?”
“I... I...”
Luna shook her wings out and stood up, “This young yearling, methinks, has little common courtesy and even less between the ears. In my day we’d have a simple, easy punishment. Throw her to the manticores.”
“Now, now,” said Celestia, “we do not throw ponies to the manticores any more.”
“Please don’t throw me to the manticores! I’ll do anything!” Edge squealed.
“To the cockatrice?”
“Oh, Edge, whatever shall I do with you newfoals? You do perplex me so.”
“I do believe we have some very vicious rabbits..?”
Celestia blinked, “You want to throw her to the rabbits?”
“I am assured they can give quite a savaging to a cabbage.” Luna looked unsure of herself now, “And they do have rather large teeth. Maybe if they weren’t fed for a few days, though that would be rather cruel to the rabbits...”
Celestia stood there, blinking, as Luna carried on for a few moments. Then she shook her head, “Edge, walk with me to the gardens.”
The sun was high by now, the gardens deserted. Edge looked around nervously at all the statues. They were so lifelike! Three little foals, a few unicorns, even a pegasus with his hoof raised in apparent anger or self-righteousness to the sky. What would the princess do? Would Celestia turn her to ash? Turn her inside-out? Melt her down into a puddle?”
A hoof gently touched her shoulder. Edge screamed and collapsed into a heap, sobbing, “I didn’t mean it! I was an idiot! I was just mouthing off! I was trying to be... be... to be somebody! Don’t scoop out my brains or turn me to ash or melt me into a puddle or...”
“Edge, I can assure you, I won’t do any such thing.”
Edge sobbed, and nodded her head.
“I do however have to punish you. I can’t have my subjects insulting me, my sister or my people without consequences.”
Edge started wailing again, “Don’t... you’re going to lock me away, aren’t you? Or banish me and then lock me away in the place that you banish me to!”
“Do you think I should?”
“Nooooooo!” Edge wailed, “I’ll do anything! I’m sorry! I’ll... I’ll make it up to you! All of you!”
Celestia tapped her chin demurely, eyes sparkling, “I think I have just the deal for you, young Edge. First of all, I am quite aware you took a specific version of the potion. I am going to have you live under it’s effects until after your sentence is carried out, for reasons which will become clear upon your sentencing. Secondly, the duration will be thusly calculated; one day for every man, woman, child, stallion, mare or foal you have insulted. That’s something over five hundred, so we shall be lenient and round it down to a mere five hundred days... of community service. With time off for good behaviour.”
“Co-community service?”
“Quite. Primarily in Equestria, perhaps in Mundus Mundi as I see fit. You will, at the whim and behest of the crown, present yourselves to the good citizens of Equestria and explain to them what you are, where you are from and why you are here.”
“That’s it?” squeaked Edge.
Celestia smiled, “Perhaps in time you will wish you had been thrown to the manticores. Foals can be quite the hoof-full. You will note down your thoughts and feelings in a daily diary, and you will send regular reports to me or to my sister, Luna, on your findings.”
***
Dear Diary,
I hate you. They gave me this stupid diary and now I have to write in it and I hate it. I’ll write in it, but I don’t have to like it. Have I said how much I hate it yet? 500 days. 500! One day for every person, pony included, I ‘insulted’ or some crap like that. It’s not fair!
Die in a fire,
Edge.
Edge put the quill stopper into the inkwell and flipped the diary closed. She turned to her case worker and snorted angrily. “There. I wrote in the stupid diary. Are you happy?”
“Very good, Edge. Your writing is improving, at least. Do you know where we’re going now?”
“No.” Edge was sullen, sulky.
“That’s no Misses Providence if you please.”
Edge looked sullenly out the gondola of the balloon until Misses Providence harrumphed insistently.
“No, Misses Providence, please do tell.”
“We’re going to meet the rest of our little band of adventurers, won’t that be lovely?”
“Just swell, Misses Providence.” replied Edge in her sing-song voice.
The old unicorn adjusted the glasses on the bridge of her nose and pulled the woolen shawl around her shoulders, “It could have been worse, my girl, you could have been decorating the princesses’ gardens for a thousand years.”
Edge hiccuped and turned quickly, “What?”
“You didn’t see all those statues when her highness took you for a walk? Legend has it they were ponies, badly behaved little ponies. Badly behaved little ponies of the sort to insult the princesses of the sun and moon by calling them things like... what was it?”
Edge gulped, “horn-brained chicken-winged donkeys?”
“Oh, yes, if I were going to turn a pony to stone I think that’d be a good reason, don’t you?”
“A thousand years?” squeaked Edge.
“Oh, at least. Maybe longer. She sent her own sister to the moon for a thousand years, after all, think what Celestia could do to a naughty little spiteful potty-mouthed pony she isn’t related to.”
Edge’s heart sunk. This was awful. Worse than awful! She hadn’t even meant it...
They’d assigned her a case worker and given her a diary to record her thoughts and feelings in, as part of said service. She’d been given some supplies - what little clothing ponies needed, some necessities, a wash kit and the like - and then packed off in a balloon to goodness-knows-where.
She hated it.
Edge looked over the side of the gondola. Heights scared her. Her wings fluttered nervously as she peered down at the ground, a checkerboard of fields, orchards and buildings could be seen, gradually increasing in density. Her mouth was dry in the cool air, but there was surprisingly little wind. There was some sort of glowing engine put-putting along that propelled the balloon. Edge didn’t think Equestrians had had aircraft, let alone engines. Edge’s heart sank as she realised she knew very little about her new home at all.
The balloon drifted lower at some unseen signal, Edge suspected it was Misses Providence doing the directing. The balloon turned and spiralled lower and lower until the checkerboard pattern became instead trees, buildings and animals. Finally, there was a small bump as the balloon touched ground. Providence opened the door to the gondola and stepped out. She consulted a rolled-up map for a few moments and then tapped her hooves on the ground impatiently. Presently eight figures could be seen making their way up the winding cobbled path. Four strong earth-pony guards surrounded three sullen figures, and a fifth pony walked at their head.
“Good morning, Ma’am, welcome to Ponyville.”
“Thank you, Mayor Mare. If you will present the paperwork, I can sign it and then we can all be on our way. I take it my charges have been suitably restrained?”
“Oh yes, although is this really necessary?”
“Quite, those spell-bands are for their good as much as your own. They help keep them out of trouble, and also make them very easy to find should they accidentally get lost.”
Accidentally , thought Edge, that’s a good one. She peered down at the red carved bracelet around her right front hoof. It wouldn’t come off, not until her sentence was done. She idly noted that each of the three sullen figures before her had similar bands, though one, a unicorn, had it on her horn. Edge figured it was probably there to inhibit the unicorn’s magic. Flight didn’t seem to be such an issue.
With a final flourish, Misses Providence finished putting her signature on the two required scrolls, the earth pony that had been identified as Mayor Mare bowed smartly and then turned around and left.
Misses Providence turned back to her ‘charges’ and smiled. It seemed warm enough, and her voice was soft, “Alright then, we’ve all had a long trip to get to this little get-together. I think you’ve earned some time off. Go mingle, be back here at two sharp and we’ll start on your acts, okay dearies?”
Just like that, the older unicorn dismissed them. She promptly walked over to a nearby tree and lay herself down under it and started snoring. Edge blinked, she hadn’t expected this at all. She turned her attention back to her fellow prisoners and stared.
“Eh, you’ll get used to it, dweeb. Name’s Gilda. Gilda Griffon.”
“E-Edge.” said Edge, head swinging between the sleeping unicorn and the others.
“Edge, huh. I get to blame you for all this, then.”
“Simone?” squeaked Edge.
“Yeah, Simone. You make a pretty filly, Edge. Do as I say and you’ll stay that way.” the young unicorn mare said in a threatening tone.
“You, I like.” said Gilda, “Not so sure about this other one.”
“Charmed, I’m sure.” said the last creature. Edge stared, she couldn’t stop. Simone was a unicorn. Gilda was a griffon. This last one...
“Bedlam, my name’s Bedlam. I advise you not to forget it, and yes, I am a draconequus. Uncle Discord’s infamy may have spread far and wide recently, but my treatment has been anything but fair.”
The strange creature glared. She had much the same expression as Luna had. Two strange wings, neither seemed to match the other nor the rest of her, adorned her back. Two stag-like horns jutted from her head and her tail was serpentine and draconic. Her head was angular, with two small fangs that poked out of her muzzle. Each eye was a different colour and her gaze seemed to see into the very soul.
“What did you do?” asked Edge, nervously.
“Eh, I might have accidentally turned a couple of houses to cheese, nothing serious. I said their decor stunk. They didn’t believe me. They do now.”
“They caught me stealing potion. Well, they caught me, and then had to ponify me. It’s not fun when you get that shit on your skin, let me tell you.” said Simone off-hoofedly.
“And I stole an apple.” said Gilda.
“An apple?” asked Edge, raising an eyebrow and flicking an ear.
“...cart.” The griffon finished. “And then drove it into a shop. Then the shop burnt down and, eh, blah blah something something, community service. What about you, pipsqueak?”
“I kinda... insulted a bunch of people at a bureau, or something...”
Gilda snorted, “Dweeb.”
“A-and I kinda called the princesses horn-headed, chicken winged donkeys.”
“Now that is hardcore. You’re alright with me, Edge. Come on, let’s see what they’ve got in this flip-flop dump of a town for a bunch of righteous criminals to do.” Gilda punched Edge in the flank. The breath whistled out of her, but she grinned, weakly. This was going to be a long five hundred days.
