Twilight Can't Get Laid

by Zealot

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Comedy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 6363

Twilight is getting older. The clock is ticking, and she's still a virgin. Whatever will she do? This is a serious problem. Luckily Rarity is here to give her some advice about a certain well known pink pony.

Twilight is getting older. The clock is ticking, and she's still a virgin. Whatever will she do? This is a serious problem. Luckily Rarity is here to give her some advice about a certain well known pink pony.

Contest entry for Dirty Little Secret's little contest.

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/214700/dirty-little-secrets-dirty-little-contest

This was a fun one to do and a contest is a great test for writer discipline. Mostly doing this to give myself a writing goal with a deadline to meet, but hey, hope people enjoy at any rate.

Published 2020-04-23 07:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-23 07:50:01 UTC

A Bad Creampie Pun

It didn't take long for Twilight to get to Sugarcube Corner where Pinkie both lived and worked. With Rarity's instructions, she knew exactly what she needed to do.

Quite literally just ask for sex. At least it was simple. Yet on the way over Twilight found herself overanalysing the situation. After all, this wasn't normal. Right? Ponies didn't just ask for sex like that. Did they?

Twilight was sure this had to be some sort of set up. Rarity must have been having a joke, because Twilight had never heard of this being a thing. How did Pinkie Pie cope with so much sex being asked from her. It must be a lot. Right? One mare couldn't have had sex with the whole town. Right?

No this had to be a set up. Twilight was confident that if she asked for a cream pie, or some other seductive and obvious pick up line, she would get a pie right in the face. Then again wasn't that what she wanted?

Twilight giggled at her own pun as she walked, but then again that was another concern. She was so inexperienced, and yet she was going to be having sex with a pony who had fucked the whole town. How was Twilight supposed to measure up to that? What if she was bad at it? What if she just plain sucked? And not in the good way.

Nerves tingled up the poor virgin's body as she doubted herself and her abilities. She'd read plenty of books on the subject, but she had never actually done it. Except with herself of course. She had a lot of experience with her own fingers. But how would she fare at Pinkie's?

With all kinds of emotions swirling Twilight tried to focus on the positive and stopped just outside Sugarcube Corner. “Alright Twilight. You've got this. Just walk in there. And ask. Nothing to it, right?” she asked herself. “Right?”

Her legs shook a little and she whimpered, “Oh I hope this is it.”

The purple unicorn mustered her courage and opened the door to Sugar Cube Corner, running headlong into Lyra Heartstrings as she bowled into her. The pair crashed to the floor in a tumble and a cry.

Twilight landed flat on her back and almost knocked her head on the step, luckily catching it in time. Lyra landed similarly. Unfortunately though her order of cupcakes was the main casualty.

“Oh gosh, I'm so sorry,” Twilight apologised. “I really didn't mean to just. Oh no,” she apologised again, starting to pick up the scattered cupcakes with Lyra when a familiar voice filled her ears.

“Golly gosh, it's a cupcake calamity,” Pinkie enthused from behind the counter of the little store. She hopped over and somehow managed to scoop up all the cupcakes in one sweep of her arms. With a swish of her blue skirt she dashed away and placed the cupcakes on the counter. In a rather comical display of scattered cake batter and icing, she had them looking good as new in no time.

“Tadah!” the pink pony enthused, bouncing on the spot as she presented Lyra with the cupcakes once again.

Thankfully the unicorn had recovered from her fall fairly quickly. Yet she winced and looked away from the offered cupcakes. “But, they've been on the floor,” she complained.

Pinkie pouted at that, “Aww. No worries,” she enthused, instantly substituting a fresh batch with a twirl.

This made Lyra smile, taking the fresh batch and chuckling a little. “Thanks Pinkie Pie. You're the best,” she said, casting a dirty look at Twilight before she departed.

That was awkward, and to think, Twilight used to know Lyra quite well. Even moving to Ponyville after she had done so, the two had never quite managed to get back together as friends. Although, Twilight could see there was already a connection there.

An idea immediately popped into her head to chase her down and potentially get a date out of her, but then she remembered why she was here.

Twilight really had a one track mind sometimes.

“Isn't she fun?” Pinkie said, her voice cutting through Twilight's thoughts as she finally turned to her. “Twilight,” Pinkie Pie enthused, bouncing in front of her. Her sharp voice cut through Twilight's internal monologue and she visibly jumped. “How's it going? What's up? Whatcha doing?” she immediately spewed at Twilight

“Pinkie,” Twilight said, her mind blanking for a moment as she looked her up and down. The slightly plump and bubbly pink pony was to be her first lay after all, she wanted to make sure she remembered every detail of her. From her white top and blue jacket to her blue skirt and her frazzled mane.

“Uhh, how are, you, doing?” Twilight asked in the most awkward and broken way ever. How was she supposed to just ask for it? How did you do that like Rarity had told her?

Her friend raised an eyebrow at that comment and giggled, “I'm doing great. Are, you okay Twilight? You don't look so fun.” she asked.

“Yes, fine. Just fine,” Twilight said nervously, scratching the back of her head. “I just came to. Ask you. Something?” she asked

“You're being really weird Twilight you know,” Pinkie pointed out. “Are you sure everything's okay? Like, this is weirder than usual. Remember that one time you blew up the train station to stop Rainbow Dash getting a letter?”

Twilight groaned. She did remember, she really did. Not her best judgement call. “For the record it was only the waiting room. And nopony got hurt,” she argued. Great, now she was going to blow it by being weird. The alleged easiest lay in Ponyville and Twilight was going to somehow screw that up. She groaned, shaking her head. “I'm sure. Really sure.”

“Like, super sure? Or just really sure?” Pinkie Pie asked.

She blinked in response and sighed, “Super sure.”

“Like, super super sure? Or just super sure?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Twilight had had enough of that already and loudly blurted out, “Pinkie Pie. Did you want to have sex with me?” Then stood there stunned that she had said that so loud. Oh no, what had she done? She'd not only asked Pinkie Pie the question, she'd done it so loud all of Ponyville would have heard her.

Pinkie Pie simply giggled at that and answered, “Sure. Silly billy. Come on, we'll go upstairs. Unless you wanted to do it right here,” she teased her happily.

It was happening, it was finally happening. Twilight was going to get laid. “Upstairs,” Twilight said with a nod. “Yes, definitely upstairs. Why would you...” she began to question but broke herself off. She didn't want to know how many times Pinkie Pie had done it on the shop floor. Surely there was some hygiene regulation in breach there.

“Wait, you're okay with this. Just like that?” Twilight asked.

To which Pinkie Pie gave her a grin and turned to lead her upstairs. “Yeah. I mean, I was going to ask at the Summer Sun Celebration when I first heard you were moving to Ponyville. But then we had that whole Nightmare Moon situation and we started arguing about tickets. There just hasn't been a good opportunity since.”

Wait what? Twilight could have lost her virginity years ago? Why hadn't Pinkie Pie said anything? She mentally screamed at her as they headed up the stairs. Why oh why had she been made to wait this long?

Still it didn't matter now. Twilight was finally about to get some. They ascended the stairs up to Pinkie Pie's room.

Twilight let out an excited squee as Pinkie Pie walked over to her bed and slid onto it, though she paused at that noise and blinked. “Uhh, Twilight. Are you okay?” she asked. “You look, tense?”

Little did she know, the purple unicorn had been tensing up her hands in anticipation. Her face warped into a massive grin as she anticipated the inevitable. “Oh I'm more than okay Pinkie. It's going to happen. I'm finally going to lose my virginity.”

Pinkie Pie gasped at that, “What?” she asked. “You're still a virgin?” she asked. “I thought you would have lost that a long time ago. Weren't you and Spike a thing?”

Twilight shook her head sadly. There was only one mare Spike had eyes for, and that mare's name was Rarity.

“Aww,” Pinkie mused with a shrug. “Well I suppose that means more purple butt for me,” she teased, opening her arms to beckon Twilight forwards. “Come here. I'm really happy to give you your first time. Don't worry, I'll be nice and gentle.”

Twilight blushed at that. How easy this was, it was a sure thing. She was finally getting some action. Finally. She always thought Pinkie Pie had a rather adorable sexiness about her anyway. She was bright and energetic and kind. Twilight adored her as she did all her friends, and she was about to increase her opinion of Pinkie tenfold.

She held out her arms and dove into Pinkie's waiting embrace, their arms wrapping around each other as their lips locked in the throngs of passion.

Pinkie was true to her word and was gentle with Twilight at first, letting the nervous virgin make the first move as she kissed the pink mare. She closed her eyes and gave into the feeling, a lance of electricity shooting up her spine as she finally connected with another pony.

She felt alive, and she had barely even begun. Her hands slid across Pinkie's clothes, holding her close and never wanting to let go as she kissed her luscious wonderful pink lips.

Then Pinkie introduced her to a little something called a tongue. She gently slid her tongue forward to glaze across Twilight's lips, prompting a shiver in response.

Twilight had no idea such a feeling was even possible. She broke the kiss and groaned, “Oh what was that. Do that again,” she enthused.

The pink mare giggled and complied with an, “Okie dokie lokie,” and pushed her lips back against Twilight's. Her tongue slid right back against Twilight's lips, giving her a wonderful little shudder just as before. The pink pony grasped at Twilight's butt as a teasing little distraction, causing her to meep and then Pinkie pushed forward with her tongue. She slid right into Twilight's mouth, curling her tongue around and explored her.

Twilight's senses were sent into overdrive as the pink pony played with her, her feet twitching adorably as she allowed her to stimulate her pleasure centres. By accident she slid her own tongue against Pinkie's, completely unprepared for the excited jolt through her chest as the two wet muscles connected.

Even Pinkie seemed particularly affected by that one, her hair twitching as she felt that delightful jolt. She purred happily and continued their twin tailed embrace.

They went from one mouth to the other, enjoying each other for a time. Twilight felt Pinkie's curves, her hair and felt her bubbly radiant energy even as Pinkie did the same. Their bodies pressed together as they each started to pull at their clothes needily.

Though perhaps Twilight more than Pinkie was needy here.

Still through a few attempts they both managed to snag each other's shirts off and were slowly working on their trousers when Pinkie rolled on top of Twilight, giggling happily as she finally pulled away. “Hah, you're a fun kisser Twilight,” she teased. “Nice to see you taking it slow so you can really enjoy all the fun. There's more than one way to use your tongue though.”

Lustily Twilight panted. She knew what that meant, tugging at her own skirt to pull it down and then off with Pinkie Pie's assistance. This revealed her rather plain white underwear, very vanilla compared to Pinkie's radiant blue frilly set. Still it mattered little, because that was the next thing to come off.

“Mmm, here we go, are ya ready?” Pinkie Pie gave her a bubbly smile as she put her hands on her panties, tugging at them lightly.

Twilight panted at that, shifting her hips with need as she looked down at her partner. “Yes, I'm ready. I've been ready for so long, go on. Tear them off,” she enthused.

Pinkie giggled at that and tutted to her. “Hey hey now. Don't get ahead of yourself. We have plenty of time,” she teased. “You need to really enjoy each layer of clothing that comes off. It's like opening a present, you don't just dive in,” she teased.

With that Pinkie pulled down her panties nice and slowly. She stroked Twilight's thighs as she worked her hands down her legs. Up and down she tempted her, planting gentle kisses along her legs as she went down and then tossed her panties across the room.

“Say goodbye panties. Hello love snack,” Pinkie teased. “See what I mean you silly billy. Now let me see what's between these now. Aww, who's a good little pussy. You are, you are,” she teased.

Twilight herself couldn't help but chuckle as well. Only Pinkie Pie could make eating out her pussy sound funny, but somehow she managed it, and she managed it easily. Not only that but she was far more worked up than she had been a few moments ago. Going slowly really helped.

She pulled herself forwards as Twilight relaxed, nuzzling and nosing her snatch before sliding her tongue up those sensitive lips.

The feeling was quite unlike her own fingers. It was wet and a little cold as she felt Pinkie's tongue caress her nether lips, making her shake once again. Twilight let out a hot moan and Pinkie giggled, the vibrations of her laugh pleasuring Twilight all the more.

“Hah, Twilight. You're so cute when you're moaning like that,” she teased her. “It's always good to hear someone's enjoying themselves.” After all, was that not the point?

Twilight agreed with the sentiment, especially when Pinkie slid her tongue inside her nethers and lapped at her insides. She ground around with her tongue and danced from one side to the other, skilfully sloshing her inner walls and grinding against that virgin love tunnel.

“Oh gosh. Pinkie that's really good,” Twilight moaned. Though her pitch would grow increasingly higher when Pinkie's tongue lashed at the top of her clit, giving it a smack with her tongue before pulling away just as quickly. Her movements were so sharp and easily practice, Twilight was confident she'd never match Pinkie's skill here. Nor would she be able to come much longer under her assault.

“Gah, what. Whoa, easy there,” Twilight enthused. Yet Pinkie Pie was not going to go easy on her now. She brutally assaulted her clit, sliding her tongue around the side and coiling around it to overload the poor virgin with pleasure.

Twilight wriggled on the bed, absorbed entirely by Pinkie Pie's attentions. This was better than she had ever imagined, this was better than anything else. It was so overwhelming. It was, it was.

Squirt.

The purple unicorn felt a distinct pressure build up inside her and suddenly her body coursed with an energy unlike any other. She squirted her feminine juices right onto Pinkie Pie's face, not able to last long under her expert treatment thanks to her own inexperience.

She panted on the bed, looking down at Pinkie Pie who giggled happily up at her. She looked a little sticky, but was eagerly licking Twilight's fluids off of her face rather comically. “Wow Twilight. You came loads. You must not have played with yourself in ages,” Pinkie Pie teased her.

It wasn't over yet though, oh no. Far from it. Pinkie Pie pulled herself up as Twilight was recovering and gave her a sultry wink.

“Hey, lookie here,” Pinkie enthused happily as she leaned forward and pushed her bum backwards. Her hands sliding down to her panties to slowly slide them off. “Butt!” she enthused happily, lurching forward to pull off her panties and entertain the overwhelmed Twilight.

Once she was done she pulled herself upright again then undid her bra. She kept her arms close to her breasts, giving Twilight a teasing grin as she slowly pulled her arms up ever so slightly. “Ooh, ooh, are you ready?”

Ready for Pinkie to finally show off her hefty breasts. Twilight definitely was. She seemed to perk up at the prospect as Pinkie Pie pulled her arms up slowly and then released her breasts, letting them drop and bounce for Twilight's amusement. “Titty drop,” she enthused with a giggle.

Twilight laughed happily at that moment of silliness as once more Pinkie Pie clambered over Twilight and spread her legs. “Now, time to help yurself to a good 'ol Pinkie Pie,” she encouraged with a giggle. She pushed her nethers into Twilight's face and purred in anticipation.

She didn't object to this, not by far. Now she got to repay Pinkie Pie and she got to taste the bubbly pink pony.

Leaning forward, Twilight pressed her muzzle to her slit, rolling her muzzle gently as she felt her nethers in her face. She wrapped her arms around Pinkie Pie's legs and resolved to copy her movements. Feeling her hands on her legs had felt great, and she wanted to make sure Pinkie Pie had a great time with her.

“After all, then she might come back for more,” Twilight mumbled to herself. Her speech however was completely distorted thanks to Pinkie Pie's pussy on her face.

The pink pony blinked at this and lifted herself off of Twilight's face with a questioning look. “Hmm, did ya say something?” she asked.

Twilight looked back at her with a blush. “Uhh, no. Just, don't worry it wasn't important,” she said, pulling her back down and giving her nethers a long lick once more.

Talk about embarrassing.

Twilight felt Pinkie's thighs tense as she neared that button of a clit. That sensitive hub of nerves a tempting target for her tongue, but no, not yet. She had plenty of time to tease the pink pony just as she had done for her.

She stretched her tongue forward and lapped at her entrance, just sliding the tip of her tongue inside as she stretched up and down that warm inviting entrance. Up and down, tingling the pink pony's senses.

She started to slide around in slow circles, tempting Pinkie Pie with her teasing just as she had read how to do. Actually reading how was completely different to doing it in practice though. Twilight had never anticipated the smell of the pink pony to be so overpowering. A sweet and candy like smell which radiated from Pinkie Pie.

It was intoxicating. She could definitely get used to that lovely sweet smell and those happy little giggles that Pinkie Pie kept letting out as she teased her.

Still Twilight decided to up the ante, sliding her tongue finally past those lips and into her love tunnel, swirling her tongue around in slow circles. Pinkie's reaction was adorable to watch, closing her eyes and quivering as Twilight worked, the purple mare groping her butt as she ate her out.

“Oh Twilight. Yes, yes. More,” she enthused. “You're not bad for a virgin with no practice. Ooh, you must be a natural.” Pinkie panted happily, grinding her nethers on Twilight's tongue as Twilight continued to slide her tongue around her insides.

Since Pinkie Pie wanted more, Twilight was going to give her more, sliding her tongue up to dance off her sensitive nub. Little by little she tensed and teased her, sliding her tongue up to dance off of Pinkie Pie's clit.

She purred happily into her nethers, vibrating those sensitive nerve endings as she ground her tongue against the pink pony's clit.

Little by little Twilight edged her up, seeing the bliss on Pinkie Pie's face as she worked her clit. She slid her tongue around and around that lovely button until finally she pressed down hard on it with her tongue.

And got a splattering of Pinkie Pie's mare juices on her face for her trouble.

Twilight laughed happily as Pinkie Pie groaned in orgasm above her, writhing happily in bliss as she flopped onto her back on top of Twilight, giggling happily herself.

“Yay,” she enthused, “That was fun Twilight. Thanks a bunch,” she enthused.

The purple mare panted below her and shuffled a little to look down at Pinkie Pie, cracking a smile as she did so. “Yeah. I didn't know this would be so fun. I'm going to have to come back for more,” she said happily.

Pinkie Pie giggled at that, “You should come to Ponyville's orgy sometime. It's loads of fun. I'm sure you'll have a great time.”

So she had attended that orgy. Just like Rarity had said, Twilight grinned. An invitation was all she needed, and now she had an in. “Yeah, Rarity might have mentioned an orgy that happens regularly. Right?”

Pinkie giggled, “She did? Oh of course. She's there all the time too,” she laughed. “I'm sure Rarity would love to see you there. She'd love to get a piece of this purple booty,” Pinkie Pie teased her with a laugh.

Still she pulled herself off of Twilight a little and groaned with contentment as she parted Twilight's legs once again.

She slid her legs between Twilight's and pulled herself forwards once more.

Twilight for her part blinked and pulled herself up. “Whoa, we're going again?” she asked.

To which Pinkie Pie giggled happily and stuck her tongue out at her. “Heck yeah,” she enthused. “You wanted the whole experience. Right?” she asked.

She certainly did. Twilight pulled herself forward to let their nethers touch, angling herself so that they were clit to clit with each other.

Pinkie Pie took the lead once more, starting to gently grind her clit against Twilight's. They merged those two sensitive patches of nerves together, pushing against each other.

Heavenly bliss washed over the pair as their entangled legs wrapped around each other and slid up and down their sensitive fur.

Twilight quivered at Pinkie Pie's mercy as she felt her clit circle around Pinkie's. That familiar feeling of orgasm slowly winding its way up once more despite her tired nerves.

It was too good, she needed more. She shifted her stance, pulling herself over Pinkie Pie a little and started to hump her nethers. She moaned out hotly, feeling waves and waves of perfect pleasure wash over her as she saw Pinkie Pie quake under her.

“Oh yes Pinkie, this is perfect,” she enthused happily. “It feels so good to grind my clit against you.” Twilight groaned longingly. Her first experience of proper sex, and it felt so good. Two orgasms in one session, she was going to be worn out by the end of this.

Pinkie Pie meanwhile didn't even seem to be breaking a sweat. Twilight hadn't expected the plump pink pony to have such stamina. Then again, if she regularly attended orgies, perhaps she did this so often that she was used to it.

She certainly seemed used to it based on how she coped with Twilight's advances, pushing back against her nub with a wonderful cry of satisfaction. “Yeah you go Twilight,” she enthused. “This is what you've been missing,” she teased her.

She really had been missing it. To the hapless virgin, this meant the world to her, and she would remember the moment forever. After all, it wasn't such a big deal after today. It was mission complete, and she could obsess over something else next.

“Ooh Twilight, I'm getting close,” Pinkie Pie enthused happily. She giggled and thrust back against Twilight, their twin clits like fires burning through their bodies and up through their chests. Their heaving lungs making their breasts bounce hypnotically as they writhed in bliss.

Twilight could feel that pressure this time. It didn't sneak up on her like last time. She was getting slowly accustomed to feeling that sexual tension build up without her own fingers managing that for her. Like a strange tide she couldn't control.

No, Pinkie Pie was in control of that. At least in part as they humped together.

Still it couldn't last forever, that tide was ever yearning and eventually they both gave in to their urges. With a loud groan the pair of mares reached their climax, staining the sheets with their juices.

The pair of them flopped joyously as they basked in bliss, rolling in the sheets. Twilight more than Pinkie Pie was in raptures of joy. She'd finally done it. She could discard her 'V' card and now things would get better. Right?

Well, probably not. She was still impossibly hopeless at getting laid. The previous year had proven just that.

Pinkie Pie rolled and pulled herself over Twilight once more, snuggling into her cutely with a giggle. “That was great fun. I'm going to have to hook you up with the other girls next.”

Twilight blinked at that. “Other girls. What do you mean, other girls?”

The pink pony giggled at that. “Oh you know. Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash. We all tend to be in and out of each other's beds all the time. I mean, it's just for fun. Why not join us?”

Twilight was completely bamboozled. “You mean to tell me all of my friends have been having casual sex behind my back and nopony thought I would want to join in? Really?”

The answer was yes.

Twilight felt a distinct wetness dribbling out of her nose. She place her hand against it and then pulled her hand away.

Pinkie Pie gave an eep and then a giggle. “Uh oh. It's a nosebleed.”

Every Second Tuesday

“I mean, just face it Rarity,” Twilight exclaimed with a groan. “I'm going to be a virgin forever at this rate.”

Rarity who had barely been listening and was sitting just across from her, blinked in surprise at that comment. She paused in her attempt to take a sip of tea from her cup. “Uhh, pardon me Twilight,” she asked. “Can you recap on that statement? I confess I was miles away there,” she apologised.

It was a Tuesday, and more importantly than that it was the second Tuesday of the month. Specifically in a chilly November. That meant as per her usual event schedule, it was Twilight and Rarity's monthly get together for tea at the Carousel Boutique.

Twilight knew it was, she had it booked out on her calender for the next three years of course. The young unicorn was very particular about these things.

Nonetheless, this had been an interesting few months for Twilight in her eternal quest to get laid.

After all, that was the focal point of Twilight's activities nowadays. Convinced she needed to advance in her friendship studies somehow, she had resolved herself to lose her virginity. She was twenty one, and that was twenty one years too old for her.

While friendship was about more than sex, Twilight knew that it was an important aspect of relationships. Cadence knew an awful lot about the subject and had told her much about it when she had been younger. Perhaps too young. And while love magic wasn't Twilight's primary domain, it did cross into the magic of friendship on the arcane spectrum of things.

The phrase friends with benefits didn't exist for nothing after all.

Her attempts at achieving intercourse had been fruitless however. For the whole year she had made repeated attempts at casual mating. Yet to no avail.

Poor Twilight's heart thumped as every day she drew closer to oblivion without having experienced the joys of orgasm with another. It was drawing closer and closer, and she was running out of time. She was already twenty one, after all. It was important to mention that fact twice.

That recent month had been awash with horrendous experiences. First, a Nightmare Night party in which nopony had understood her costume. Honestly, why didn't people recognise E.D.A from that video game PonyWatch. She was an icon of the video games industry, and the tight blue suit did wonders for her form.

Alas, all of the ponies hadn't recognised her and they were not instantly turned on as Twilight had hoped. This dented the unicorn's confidence significantly enough that she had made an early exit and cried in the bathtub.

Next there had been a promising success when Twilight had managed to convince Thunderlane to go on a date with her. However, the pegasus was such a normal pony that Twilight had been quite bored out of her skull. Worse she had managed to not impress him sufficiently to get a second date. Perhaps the half an hour lecture about vinegar had been a bit too much. Suffice to say that news had warranted a good cry in the bathtub.

After that Twilight had made good progress in successfully seducing Rose from the market stall. Things were going smoothly. Everything was perfectly subtle and saucy, so much so that Twilight was sure she was about to score. Then Rainbow Dash had come through the market at lightning speed and barrelled into the market stall. Flowers went everywhere and Twilight's hopes went with them.

At least it wasn't Twilight who had been the one crying in the bathtub that day.

Things weren't looking good and now Twilight was complaining about her failures once more to Rarity. Who as always was mentally designing dresses for Twilight in her head and not really listening to the problem.

There they sat across from each other on comfy sofas with a coffee table between them. The posh aesthetic of Carousel Boutique framed around them as Twilight repeated her tale to Rarity once again.

“Ahh, it seems you're in quite a pickle there,” Rarity commented idly. She was a little unsure why Twilight was making such a big deal of the situation, but as the element of generosity she listened to her concerns and offer what advice she could.

“I just don't know what to do next Rarity,” Twilight asked, sounding more and more deranged as she went. “Next year I'll be twenty two Rarity. Twenty two, and I still won't have had sex. I need sex Rarity, and I need it now.”

Rarity chuckled slightly at this. “Well, darling,” she began, her mind drifting to dresses once more. “Why don't you try dressing a little less. Ahh, conservatively?”

She gestured to Twilight's current outfit. A long skirt with long socks and rather plain shoes and a thick long sleeved shirt with a jacket. “Showing off a little fur wouldn't hurt dear. Come on, let me show you a few things that could help.”

Perhaps just an excuse to dress Twilight up, but it was better than nothing wasn't it? Twilight consented with a shrug. “I suppose it couldn't hurt.”

Rarity put her tea down on the coffee table and gestured for Twilight to follow her downstairs to the shop floor. There weren't any customers in at the moment, so they had the whole shop to themselves. Rarity of course ushered Twilight into the changing rooms and quickly produced multiple outfits for her.

“Try this one. Ooh and this one. And this one, oh this one looks cute, this one too,” Rarity went on and on. She didn't have to dress Twilight up in her mind any more. Oh no, she could just get her to wear whatever she wanted now.

Firstly Rarity put Twilight in a pair of short jean shorts along with a simple white vest top and some sandals.

“Ta-dah!” Rarity enthused as Twilight stepped out of the changing room.

“Well, this is nice,” Twilight said, to Rarity's growing enthusiasm. “There's only one teeny tiny problem,” she remarked.

Rarity's face grew in confusion, only to be answered by a loud annoyed shout.

“It's November,” Twilight cried. “Next outfit.”

“Why, yes, yes it is,” Rarity remarked. “But that doesn't mean you can't show off a little fur,” Rarity defended. “Granted it's cold, but when it comes to fashion these sacrifices must be made.”

Twilight wasn't buying it. “Next outfit.”

This time Rarity equipped Twilight with a lovely flowing black dress. It came with no sleeves, but it did come with gloves which went up to her elbow. There was a hood to the dress rimmed with black fur and the dress itself did a wonderful job of covering her. Except of course her purple cleavage which was fully on display.

“You look lovely,” Rarity enthused, clapping her own efforts. “So devious, so powerful. So mysterious. It's bound to catch a lucky special somepony.”

Twilight wasn't too impressed. “It's way too black. And what is with these gloves?”

“It's fashion,” Rarity protested. “And it looks gorgeous on you. Maybe a little too much black though, I will admit.”

Twilight again wasn't too impressed. The next outfit was another long dress. An evening dress to be specific. This time purple and silky and with no back whatsoever. Twilight was just thankful it covered her butt, because it didn't seem to cover her front either. One long strip of material covered each breast, wrapping around her neck and going down to her waist. Her whole cleavage on display as well as a healthy amount of side boob thanks to Twilight's larger than average chest.

“I look ridiculous,” Twilight complained as she showed off to Rarity.

Rarity was in love, giving a happy little giggle at her handiwork. “Don't be silly darling,” she enthused. “You look lovely. Okay, perhaps it's an evening wear attire. But this will definitely get you a special somepony at a royal gala.”

Twilight frowned, “But I don't go to royal galas,” she said plainly.

To which Rarity giggled, “Well. Now is a good time to start then. Do you know how much sex happens at them?” she asked. “Honestly darling. Princess Celestia is so ravenous. I've not had sex like it.”

Twilight's face flushed with red as she exclaimed. “Rarity, how is any of this helping me?” she asked, getting back on topic.

Rarity sighed, “Well you wanted to ahem. Get laid, as you put it. Correct?” she asked. “Well the right outfit is crucial. Critical even. You need to convey that you are open and available. You need to impress with your looks, your charm. Your natural charisma.”

She was met with a blank look from Twilight. “Natural, charisma?” Twilight asked in an annoyed tone.

Rarity could see she just wasn't getting anywhere and groaned. “Oh Twilight. I'm so sorry. I'm only trying to help as best I can,” she said. “I'm really trying. It's just, well. I never find it difficult like you do, I can...”

“Roll into bed with just about anypony?” Twilight asked bluntly.

Rarity blushed and straightened her hair. “Now now. Anypony is quite a strong word. Not just anypony no. Although, come to think of it.”

An idea seemed to be stirring in her mind as she pondered Twilight's situation more seriously.

“I suppose you could always just ask Pinkie Pie,” Rarity remarked.

This prompted more than a moment's confusion from Twilight as she tried to work out what Rarity meant by asking Pinkie Pie. “Ask her what?” Twilight wondered. “Does she know a good way of, umm, attracting somepony?”

Of course she would. She was the most popular pony in all of Ponyville. This was genius. It was more than that, it was a fool proof plan.

“Well, she knows a few,” Rarity remarked. “But no I was more thinking you should just ask Pinkie Pie to have sex with you,” she said.

Twilight was in shock, total shock. She reared her head back as her eyes went wide. “What?”

Rarity laughed at her reaction. “It's quite simple darling. Just go and ask Pinkie Pie and she'll be happy to treat you. Just be careful, she can be quite the bundle of energy in bed.”

There was continual non understanding and Twilight now simply looked confused. “Rarity, can you slow down? Maybe start from the beginning. How is asking Pinkie Pie to have sex with me going to solve my situation? You can't just do that.”

The white unicorn laughed at Twilight's ineptitude and decided she needed to dumb it down for her intelligent little brain.

“It's quite simple. Pinkie Pie is one of the most popular ponies in Ponyville. Yes. She's also the town bike. I'm not even sure I know anypony who hasn't had sex with her. Just go up and ask, and she'll say yes,” Rarity told her. “I'm pretty certain I've seen her at some of the orgies I've been to come to think of it.”

Twilight looked aghast. “You've been to orgies?” she asked. “Why wasn't I invited?”

To which Rarity looked offended. “Twilight dear. I didn't think you'd be interested. Honestly I'm not a mind reader. I'm not even sure if you have that spell.”

Twilight couldn't have been more red even though she was purple. “You didn't think I'd be interested?” she exclaimed. “What do you mean not interested? I've been trying to get laid all year. This is extremely important Rarity. Perhaps the most important thing ever. Why didn't you bring this up before? Why didn't you tell me about Pinkie Pie before?”

The poor unicorn was Twilighting hard, and Rarity was getting the brunt of it. “Well, umm. I didn't think Pinkie Pie would, uhh,” Rarity struggled to think of a reason to avoid Twilight's oncoming wrath. “Would count? After all, she's so laid back about it. I thought you would have had sex with her already.”

Apparently not. Twilight didn't know what to say to that. Was it that obvious, was it that clear that Pinkie Pie was so easy? How could she have missed that, how could she live herself down now. How come Rarity attended orgies? When was that a thing? Was everyone able to get some action but her?

Twilight groaned and face-palmed. “Fine, I'll go ask Pinkie Pie. But first I'm getting out of this ridiculous dress.”

Rarity was heartbroken.