Bonus Chapter: Innocent Objects
It wasn't really a secret that Pinkie Pie had hidden various objects all over Ponyville "for emergency use."
Emergency party supplies. Innocent little objects. Fun stuff.
But Pinkie got more serious about it, after a few months of waking up from nightmares of Twilight Sparkle destroying ponies left and right just because they looked like Pinkie Pie.
One of those nights, Pinkie Pie yet again lay awake and imagined what might happen if a changeling or a long-lost twin showed up. Which pony who looked like Pinkie Pie would die this time? But Pinkie started thinking, maybe there's another way. What if one of the two ponies...didn't look like Pinkie Pie anymore?
That was when Pinkie Pie started hiding more supplies everywhere. Emergency eyepatches. Emergency fake mustaches. Emergency fake-mustache-and-beard sets. Emergency instant hair-and-mane dye. Emergency fake wings.
If a pony suddenly showed up who looked like Pinkie Pie, then Pinkie Pie would instantly reach for a disguise so good, Pinkie wouldn't even look like herself anymore.
That should at least slow down any reflexive lethal response by Twilight Sparkle. Would it slow Twilight enough to give Pinkie Pie time to explain? Or maybe just to run away? Running away might be safer.
For a little while, Pinkie Pie took up jogging, "to burn off some sugar and get into shape." Jogging was a perfectly normal hobby that lots of ponies did. Even Twilight Sparkle herself had taken up jogging for a few weeks to get ready for her first Running of the Leaves. Nothing suspicious about jogging at all.
But soon Pinkie noticed that Twilight Sparkle was getting better and better at teleportation. Pinkie wasn't sure if she could outrun a pony who teleported so easily.
And then Twilight had gotten her wings, becoming an alicorn. It's a lot harder to give the slip to somepony who can take to the air and look for you from above.
That was when Pinkie Pie became more serious about digging hidden underground lairs and tunnels connecting to every part of Ponyville. Airborne eyes wouldn't be much use, if you were looking for somepony who was dug in deeper than a diamond dog.
But even as she developed her secret underground tunnel network into a nearly incomprehensible maze, Pinkie Pie still sometimes lay awake at night and worried.
Reluctantly, Pinkie Pie started working on improved versions of her party cannons. More powerful propellants. More stunning payloads. Flash-bangs that would blind a pony for minutes. Precious minutes in which Pinkie Pie could beg for her own life, or try to save the life of another pony who had the misfortune to look too much like her.
Pinkie Pie started to think of new ideas for cannons that would produce more powerful, longer-lasting effects. Some of them would be dangerous weapons. Even a poison joke cannon could give Twilight Sparkle horn droop for days, knocking the alicorn out of any fight. But what kind of pony would Pinkie Pie be if she built something like that?
Pinkie Pie started to fear that she was losing her connection with something important. Was she losing the spirit of true friendship? Was she starting to get out of tune with Harmony Herself? What about just being a good pony?
Pinkie Pie remembered that Princess Celestia had invited anypony of the Mane Six to write Celestia letters about friendship lessons. Pinkie Pie hadn't worked out what the right solution to this friendship problem was, but even recognizing that she was having a serious friendship problem must be the start of some kind of lesson. At least Pinkie Pie hoped so. So late one night, Pinkie Pie wrote a letter explaining her problem. Pinkie mailed the letter to Celestia right away, before she could maybe change her mind about sending it.
The next day, Pinkie Pie received a kind reply from the Princess of the Sun herself! Could Pinkie write Celestia with more details? Pinkie Pie felt so happy, because the problem would surely soon be solved with Celestia herself taking such an interest. So Pinkie Pie answered all of Celestia's questions.
The two wrote back and forth every day for a week, and Pinkie Pie felt so privileged to bask in Celestia's love of friendship.
After the first week, though, Pinkie Pie started to wonder why Celestia seemed to be asking more questions about Pinkie's ideas for new weapons than about the rest of the friendship problem.
"Please don't make me write any more about ideas for defeating Twilight Sparkle in a fight," Pinkie Pie wrote. "I don't even want to think about that. It just makes me feel worse."
Celestia wrote back, "You've thought about your friendship and your priorities, and you refuse to hurt your friend, even if your refusal might put your own life at risk. I'm proud of you and of the friendship lesson that you've taught yourself. Also, please find enclosed a check from the Canterlot Military Works for valuable consulting services."
Pinkie Pie ripped up the check into little pieces.
Author's Note
If you don't like this chapter, its existence is the fault of FimFiction's policy that prohibits stories under 1000 words.
If you do like this chapter...story length quotas are magic! 😀
Bonus Chapter #2: A Princess 'Personation Plot
As Pinkie Pie folded the letter back up, she noticed some writing on the back.
"P.S. To help solve this friendship problem, why not talk it out with Twilight?"
Pinkie said, "Of course!"
She put on a fake mustache (for safety, just in case) and took a walk to the Ponyville Library. She knocked on the door. "Hello?" she said.
A moment later the door opened. "Hi, Pinkie!" Twilight Sparkle said with a smile. "I like the new 'do!"
Behind Twilight, Spike groaned. "Oh, sure!" he complained, "When SHE grows a mustache you like it. But when I want just a little bit of magical help growing my own, you put your hoof down."
Pinkie Pie said, "The mustache is just a fake, silly! But that's what I'm here to talk to Twilight about."
Twilight seemed puzzled. "You want to talk about a fake mustache?"
Pinkie said, "Not just the mustache. The DEEP dark truths BEHIND the mustache." Then she whispered, "Is there a place where we can talk privately, so nopony will hear us?"
Twilight beckoned Pinkie into the library, and lit up her horn to cast a magenta bubble of soundproofing around the two ponies.
"There!" Twilight said in an oddly echoing tone, "Privacy!"
Pinkie said cheerfully, "And because I saw you cast that spell, now I can be extra-sure that you're really you! And not just somepony who looks like you!"
Twilight frowned. "Pinkie, please tell me about those deep, dark truths you mentioned."
"Well," Pinkie said, "Remember the time that I used the Mirror Pool to make copies of myself, and it got all confusing?"
Twilight gasped. "Oh no! Did it happen again? What will we do? I HATE vaporizing ponies who look exactly like my friends!"
She looked around nervously. "Where are they? Have they taken over Ponyville? Are you the real you, or are you one of the copies?" Twilight started hyperventilating.
Pinkie reached into her poofy mane and pulled out a paper bag, which she hoofed to Twilight. Twilight held the bag up and breathed into it.
After a moment, Twilight smiled. "See, I'm fine! Even if Ponyville is being infiltrated by an army of shapeshifters, I can cope!" Pinkie thought the unicorn's smile looked a little forced.
"No," Pinkie Pie said, "There isn't any army of shapeshifters infiltrating Ponyville that I know of. But ever since you vaporized dozens of ponyclones who looked exactly like me, I've been having nightmares. So I thought in case anything like that happens again, we should prepare in advance."
Twilight blinked. "You thought we should prepare in advance? Just in case of an invasion of copyponies who look exactly like us?"
"Yes!" Pinkie said.
Twilight looked nervous. "Who are you and what did you do with the real happy-go-lucky Pinkie Pie?"
Pinkie stomped her hoof. "Now look here! Just because I'm a fun party pony, doesn't mean that I don't have feelings! YOU said YOU hate vaporising ponies who look exactly like your friends! And I hate being threatened with being vaporized just because somepony...somemonster...whoever, looks exactly like me.
"I AM Ponyville's premier party planner. But you don't get to be a premier party planner by NOT planning ahead and NOT preparing! So listen to me, and let's plan ahead and prepare, just in case!"
Twilight blinked. "That seems very...reasonable."
Twilight's horn flared a few times. "Sorry," she said, "Just checking that you're not a changeling...and for a few other things."
Pinkie nodded. "That's okey-dokey," she said. "So...I'm not those things, right?"
Twilight giggled. "Seems to me, you're just our lovable Pinkie Pie."
"Phew!" Pinkie said, "That's what I thought! But it IS best to make sure. So anyway, about this planning...I've never planned a Got To Make Sure That You're Really Pinkie Pie And Not Some Evil Monster Party. Do you have any ideas?"
"When I was a little filly, Cadance taught me a poem, and a dance that goes with it. When she didn't know it years later, that was a clue something was wrong. A changeling had secretly replaced her," Twilight said. She started chanting and doing a little dance. "Sunshine, sunshine! Ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves, and do a little shake!"
Pinkie stared at Twilight. "It's really amazing, when you think about it," she said.
Twilight stared back at her. "What?"
"It's a good thing I've seen you do that before, and I saw you do it just fine last time too. Because except for that one little song-and-dance, you're usually the worst dancer in Equestria."
"Okay," Twilight said. "Do you think anypony else COULD dance as badly as I do?"
Pinkie stroked her mane as she thought. "What I said wasn't quite right. I've seen you line dance kind of okay. But when you dance by yourself...well..."
"Well what?"
"Well I'm always happy to know my friend Twilight is having fun."
"This isn't the time for tact, Pinkie! I need honesty here. Can anypony else dance as badly as me? Can anycreature? Be honest!"
Pinkie shook her head. "I refuse to say."
"So I am recognizably THE WORST DANCER IN ALL EQUESTRIA? And maybe beyond?"
Pinkie cried. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to insult you and make you feel bad."
"Honesty!" Twilight snorted. "Where is Applejack when we need her? Maybe we should go get her. Or you can tell me the truth yourself."
Pinkie bawled. "Yes, Twilight! As a solo act, you are the worst dancer in Equestria! I am SO SORRY!"
"Well, then!" Twilight said in a satisified way, "No problem."
"No problem? I insulted you and--"
"I'm happy! Really I am!"
"Happy?"
"Pinkie, if you ever suspect that I've been replaced, by a changeling, or a Mirror Pool clone, or by some horrible creature that we haven't even heard of yet...all you have to do is pull out a musical instrument or a record player, and..."
"Now I see!" Pinkie said joyfully, tears still running down her face. "I just play some music and ask you to dance..."
"And make me the happiest pony in the world!" Twilight hugged her friend.
"What?" Pinkie said.
"Oh," Twilight said, "I mean...I'm so happy to have such a good friend who cares enough to check that it's really me and save me from getting blown up by a giant cannon or something."
"Yes," Pinkie said. "About that...I might have written a few letters to Celestia recently..."
***
After Pinkie explained, Twilight said, "Oh! That's okay! Because now we have a pretty good plan to keep me from getting blown up. We can even tell Celestia and Luna and the Royal Guard. If anypony ever suspects that I'm not really me, all they have to do is start playing some dance music and ask me to prove my identity. Maybe they can even put up some party streamers and balloons to help provide the right atmosphere."
Pinkie laughed. "So we've planned a Save Twilight Or Expose the Twilight Impostor If Everypony Gets Confused About Who's Who Party."
Twilight hugged Pinkie. "You really are the best party planner ever."
Twilight and Pinkie went to Sugarcube Corner to celebrate by eating cupcakes and drinking tea. When they got back to the library, Twilight wrote a letter describing the plan and sent it to Celestia.
Pinkie was so happy that she'd discovered a way to protect Equestria's newest princess from impersonation plots.
It was only that night, laying in bed, that Pinkie Pie remembered her fears. She said to herself, "When I visited Twilight today, why did I get distracted from the reason I went to see her?
"It's like I couldn't concentrate on one thing even to save my own life!"
So Pinkie got up, opened a can of paint, and practiced her concentration exercises again.
Author's Note
Hey, I'm back!
I'm still trying to make each chapter ending at least kind of work as a story ending, even if some chapters (any and all chapters?) leave Pinkie stuck in a tragic and ironic predicament (although she may have accomplished something along the way while trying to escape or just cope.) Or maybe I should change the story status from "Complete" to "In Progress?"
And hey, new story image. (Somehow just a question mark left some readers wondering...
The new story image is a screencap from the show, with some cropping and transparency.)
I have an idea what my most (or least?) favorite things about this story are, but I wonder what you think.
(I've done a few small edits on this chapter after first publishing it here, but no big ones.)
Bonus Chapter #3: The Secret Meeting To Which Pinkie Wasn't Invited
In Ponyville, inside the Castle of Friendship, five of the Main 6 had gathered around the Cutie Map. Just outside the room, in a hallway, Pinkie Pie secretly eavesdropped. Or WAS she Pinkie Pie? Or just somepony who looked exactly like Pinkie?
"Of course, we know Pinkie's real good at throwin' parties," Applejack said. "We could ask both Pinkies to throw separate parties, and the one who throws the best party is probably the real Pinkie."
Rainbow Dash said, "Unless the fake is Cheese Sandwich in disguise. Then it might be hard to tell that one party is definitely better than the other."
Rarity commented thoughtfully, "But with all true artists, there's a certain difference in individual style. Maybe a Cheese Sandwich party can be as good as a Pinkie Party in its own way...but it would be different."
Twilight said, "So all we need to do is summon a jury of the most expert and most tasteful party critics from across the land..."
Applejack laughed. "That plan's gonna take a while. Forget Ah said anythin'."
"No, we should save your idea just in case. It's a good backup plan if we don't come up with anything better," Twilight said. "But I do agree we should try for a way to tell them apart that's easier and doesn't take so long."
Fluttershy said, "Pinkie Pie is really good at blowing up balloons."
Nopony else was sure what to say. "Um, yes." Twilight commented.
"I mean REALLY good at it," Fluttershy said. "She has really good breath control. And sometimes when she blows up balloons really big, they can lift her up into the air. Do you think other ponies could do that? I don't think they even could. Make a balloon that much lighter than air with just their own breath, I mean."
"Aha!" Twilight said. "That's a really interesting point. And she has a really high squeaky voice. Maybe Pinkie is a helium breathing lifeform. Like how a dragon breathes fire, but different." Twilight magically levitated a quill and started scribbling as she mumbled, "Theory: Pinkie Pie is like a dragon, except only partly."
Twilight said brightly, "I'm so glad you thought of that, Fluttershy! We should be able to distinguish the true Pinkie Pie from most other creatures just by using a mass spectrometer on her breath to detect what elements are present!"
Twilight frowned thoughtfully. "I could do that in any well-equipped science lab. But what if somepony needs to tell the difference and I'm not even there? We stil need at least one more way to tell them apart."
The pony who looked exactly like Pinkie Pie burst into the room. "Suprise!" she shouted in her high-pitched voice.
"Um, hi!" Twilight said with some embarrassment.
"On the one hoof," Pinkie Pie said, "I'm really excited to find out I might be part dragon! First part Pie, now part dragon. Wow, Applejack, I think we must have a great-great-great-grandpony who was really wild in the bedroom."
Applejack chuckled uneasily.
"But on the second hoof," Pinkie said, "Were all of you talking about me behind my back?"
"Yes," Applejack said. "But--
"Were you SCHEMING and PLOTTING about me without even asking me nicely first?"
"We had a good reason!" Twilight said.
"We weren't plotting against YOU, dear," Rarity said, "We were plotting against your evil clone!"
"Or changeling double, or whatever," Rainbow Dash added. "It's kind of confusing."
Twilight said, "Pinkie, it's just hard to plot against your evil double, without you becoming indirectly involved at some point."
"I should think so!" Pinkie said. "It sounds like you're trying to figure out who's me, and who's somepony else, without even asking me for advice first! You silly billies!"
Fluttershy explained, "We didn't want to talk to you about it yet. Twilight told us you were feeling upset, because you remembered how she used some kind of death ray spell on all your Mirror Pool clones, and you had to work so hard not to get mistaken for one of the clones and death rayed by one of your best friends. It must have been very scary."
Pinkie Pie said in a sad voice, "I'm glad you understand, Fluttershy."
"Well," Fluttershy said, "I've never had one of my closest friends herd me into a killing chamber and shoot death rays all around me at lots of ponies who look exactly like me. So I can try to imagine, but I can never know what it was really like."
An awkward silence followed.
Fluttershy added, "Don't anypony DARE make me understand exactly what it's like. I mean, unless it's really a good idea for some reason. Which I don't think it is."
"Before asking YOU about it, Pinkie, and making you feel bad by reminding you," Twilight said, "I just wanted to ask some of our other friends for ideas first. I thought, if we could solve the problem behind your back, at least we wouldn't have to make you think about it before we told you that we'd found a solution."
Spike walked into the room. "Here's your pancakes, Pinkie!" He put the breakfast on the Cutie Map next to Pinkie's chair.
Twilight said, "Spike! You knew she was here?"
"Why wouldn't she be here?"
"Did you know she was eavesdropping on us?"
"I didn't even think to check if she was eavesdropping. I just thought it was a normal friendship visit."
Twilight looked at Pinkie suspiciously. "How did you KNOW to come over this morning and eavesdrop on us?"
Pinkie said, "When my ears feel itchy, and my hindquarters both feel twitchy, that means somepony is talking about me behind my back, and PLOTTING! Either that, or I'm coming down with disco fever, and it's time to get down and boogie!
"But there wasn't any music, so I knew it was somepony talking about me behind my back. Probably somepony jumping to silly conclusions. When you assume, you make an ass out of both U and ME. At least that's what my Other Nana used to say. She was a donkey. Hey, Applejack! We really do have a weird family tree."
Twilight clapped her hooves. "Of course!" she said. "Pinkie Sense! That's something Pinkie Pie can do, but probably no changeling could ever learn to do. And probably nopony else could learn it either.
"So the way I figure it," Twilight continued, "We set up three booths side-by-side, and gimmick them so if anypony walks into either of the wrong booths, a piano falls on them. Pinkie Sense lets her know if something is about to fall on ponies, so Pinkie is the one pony who can keep from walking into the wrong booth.
"Pinkie, is one piano enough for your Pinkie Sense? We could drop more musical instruments if that's what it takes. Would some anvils help?"
Rarity said, "Twilight, darling, I know you're used to working on a princess' budget, but have you seen how much pianos cost lately? I think we need a more affordable plan."
"Besides," Fluttershy said, "If somepony who doesn't know about the plan is looking for a broom closet and goes into a booth by mistake, an anvil falling on your head probably hurts really bad. I am pretty sure playing Seven Minutes In OUCH ANVILS! is NOT fun."
Twilight was on a roll. "But three booths means there's still a one in three chance the wrong pony goes into the right booth just by random luck. So maybe a maze? You have to take the right turning every time, or a trapdoor opens under you and drops you down a slide and into a whole chamber where the floor is covered with a pile of soft marshmallows. The impostor is TRAPPED with nothing but marshmallows to eat until we come to get her."
"Oooh!" Pinkie said, "I want to go down the marshmallow slide! That sounds fun!"
"I don't even want to think about a maze with hidden traps," Rainbow said. "That just reminds me of the time that Discord got us all lost and confused in a hedge maze and we all just argued with each other until we didn't want to be friends anymore. Mazes are NOT cool."
"But mazes work fine for mice!" Twilight insisted. "In psychology labs. By which path the mouse chooses, you can deduce how the mouse feels about its mother and father, and what weird mental condition it has."
Applejack chuckled. "Can a psychologist tell which mouse is the real mouse?"
"Hmmm," Twilight said, "That's an interesting question! I would love to...save that research project for later. First, we need to solve this Pinkie Pie problem."
Pinkie said, "If you can put a lot of musical instruments at the end of the maze, that would be good to have if Ponyville gets invaded by parasprites again."
"I agree," Rarity said, "that would be better than smashing a bunch of pianos on top of ponies. So, Pinkie, what musical instruments should we put into the maze for you to find and play in case we need somepony to lead a parasprite swarm out of town? I seem to remember a trombone, a harmonica, a banjo, TWO maracas, cymbals, an accordion...is the accordion required, or just optional? I never really liked accordions."
"I've never seen anypony play so many musical instruments all at the same time," Rainbow Dash said, "that sure was awesome."
"That's it!" Twilight said. "Pinkie, do you think anypony can play as many instruments at the same time as you can?"
"Well," Pinkie said, "I think usually it takes an entire band of ponies. I'm pretty sure that's why high schools traditionally have marching bands. And the Canterlot Guard have a marching band too. If a swarm of parasprites comes, there's a whole bunch of ponies who already know how to all play the same song together on different instruments while marching, so they can lead the parasprites out of town. Why else would you have a custom like that? Otherwise it would just be silly!"
Twilight blinked. "I honestly don't know whether you are very wise, or just being ridiculous. But that's another way we can trip up a pony who's trying to impersonate you. We can bring them a bunch of instruments, and ask them to play a song on all of them at the same time."
"While marching!" Pinkie said. "Marching is very important. If they can't play while marching, and if the parasprites have already eaten all the wagons in town...well, the logic's obvious. Otherwise the whole town could be in as much trouble as somepony who can't walk and blow bubbles at the same time."
"While marching!" Twilight agreed as she scribbled more notes. "I think we've made some real progress here. We have a list of several different ways that, if we get two or more ponies who look just like Pinkie Pie, we can probably detect the fake. Some of the ways require more time, or special expertise, or special equipment. But if it ever happens, we can start with whatever method is easiest for the particular situation."
"IF?" Pinkie said. "IF? You mean there isn't really some identical ponydouble of me running around causing havoc somewhere?"
Twilight looked nervous. "Pinkie...do you know something WE don't know?"
"I know a lot of things you don't know," Pinkie said, "Like where my emergency balls and emergency eyepatches and emergency mustaches are hidden all around Ponyville!"
"Oh!" Twilight interrupted, "Another way to tell a fake Pinkie Pie. Take her to Ponyville and tell her we need an eyepatch. Or a mustache. Or a ball for a dog to chase." She scratched some more notes on her list.
"But the horrible secret double that I don't know about!" Pinkie said. "Where is my horrible evil secret double?"
Twilight said, "We don't know about your horrible secret double either."
"So if YOU don't know about my horrible secret double, and I don't know about my horible secret double," Pinkie said, "how do we even know that I HAVE a horrible evil secret double?"
"We don't," Applejack said. "We don't know that you have one."
"Then why are we even DOING this?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"I thought about what you said yesterday about planning ahead," Twilight said. "So I asked our friends here to meet me today and plan ahead, just in case we ever DO find that you have a horrible evil secret double. Like how you and I figured out a way yesterday to see whether I'm a changeling."
Pinkie Pie looked suspiciously at Twilight. "So...ARE you a changeling?"
Twilight blinked. "I hope not."
Pinkie Pie said, "And we need to be ready to check that Cadance isn't a changeling."
Twilight seemed increasingly alarmed. "I was hoping not to have to handle that many checks at least before my second cup of coffee--"
Pinkie Pie led Twilight out of her chair, to sit next to Pinkie on the floor. "Sunshine..." Pinkie said.
Twilight joined the chant and the dance, "...sunshine, ladybugs awake. Clap your hooves and do a little shake!"
The two laughed. "So you ARE you!" Pinkie said. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously again. "But how do I know you're not Cadance?"
Twilight giggled. "I have to ask you to trust me on that one."
"Okey dokey lokie!" Pinkie said. "Anyway, I trust the real Cadance. She wouldn't disguise herself as you or some other pony without a good reason."
"Yes," Twilight said, "I agree. She's a wonderful pony. My brother couldn't be luckier."
Pinkie pulled a few different musical instruments out of her poofy mane, and started playing them all at the same time. She started to wiggle, and danced to her own music. Twilight started dancing too...as badly as only Twilight could dance.
"Yahoo!" Applejack said, and the other ponies joined in the dance.
***
Late that night, somepony banged on Rarity's front door. A minute later, Rarity arrived at the door wearing a dressing gown and little cat-headed slippers. "Who's there?" Rarity asked.
"It's me, Pinkie Pie!"
Rarity sighed, and opened the door. "Pinkie, a lady does require her beauty sleep. But what brings you here this fine night?"
Pinkie looked at Rarity with big, serious, soulful eyes. "Rarity, I brought you this can of paint."
Rarity accepted the can of paint. "Thank you, good night." She closed the door and started walking back to her bedroom.
After a moment she came back and reopened the door. "Pinkie? Why did you bring me a can of paint?"
"In case anypony thinks you're a Mirror Pool clone or a changeling! You need to practice watching paint dry, so you'll be really good at it by the time when you need to be good at it to save yourself from a death ray!"
"Pinkie, I have to ask you an important question."
"Sure, Rarity! I'm just glad you're taking this seriously, and not just laughing at me like the last twelve ponies I woke up in the middle of the night to give them a can of paint."
"Pinkie...does your visit to me tonight have anything to do with your Pinkie Sense?"
"No, I think it's just regular sense. We live in a town that has a Mirror Pool nearby. And we've had to fight how many changeling invasions?"
"Common sense. Well, common sense works better when ponies are well rested. Let's talk about this during the day. Good night."
Rarity closed the door and walked back to her bedroom.
Later that night, Rarity woke up again. She thought about what Pinkie Pie had said. Rarity stared at the dark ceiling above her, and asked herself...
"Is Pinkie Pie nuts?"
A bit later she asked herself, "Is there any way that Pinkie Pie might be right, and I DO need to start practicing watching paint dry now?"
After another minute of staring at the ceiling, Rarity said, "No, Pinkie Pie is just overreacting. Or nuts. Or both."
Rarity rolled over and went back to sleep.
Author's Note
This might need a bit of revising yet. Or not?
Anyway, you can tell me what you do and/or don't like about it.
Remember, it's ok to be specific. Especially if you want me to know what you're talking about. 
