X-COM: Friendship Unknown

It was all set up to be a lazy day at home. Command had plenty of groceries to last for a few days, at least. The only major thing that was scheduled to happen was the building inspectors that Sunset had said would come to make sure the building was still livable. Or at the very least, to take note of the problems that had been left to fester under the old landlord’s leadership. The various tenants had all written up a list of the things that were wrong (For Command, it was mostly about the lack of heating and the window that wouldn’t open) and Wallflower had compiled them into a nice folder.

So, Command thought he could get away with just a day to relax in front of his computer.

“What’s your plan today?” Zossi asked, resting her chin on her crossed arms as she peered at him from the bed.

“Just a day to relax and game for fun,” Command replied evenly. “Something to distract me while we wait for the inspectors Sunny promised.”

“And how do you want to distract yourself?” She propped her chin up on her palms while she shifted to rest on her elbows. He got a great view of her cleavage from within her shirt.

“Well I did manage to get ahold of some classic games, I was gonna set up a server and watch everyone who knows the IP react to the idea of there being servers for them again,” Command posed.

“Like what?” She smiled, flicking the tip of her tail back and forth.

“Oh, you know, the game that never truly dies, Minecraft,” Command quipped. “There’s always the data to run it somewhere.” A few keystrokes and the computer whirred a little louder. “That’s reasonable,” he nodded. “Server running, now to send out the announcement to the rest that it’s actually up and watch the fireworks.”

“So, you’re just letting people have at the server with no moderators or anything?” She blinked.

“I mean, I put myself as an admin, and I have the tools to discipline people right here with the console,” the human explained. “Plus I put up spawn protection of about five chunks around spawn, so people can’t just put lava on the ground and kill a new player over and over.”

“Well that’s good.” She peered at the computer screen. “Have anybody yet?”

“Nah, then again, it might take them a bit to download the client. It took me forever to find a site with the game on it,” Command replied. “It’s why I pointed out where I found it with the announcement.”

“Oh.” She hummed. “Anything pre-built?”

“Naaah, that’d remove the challenge,” Command shrugged. “I mean, at last update, the Nether had just gotten harder, and frankly I think everyone wants to explore that legit.”

“Interesting. Just spawn in and have nothing but your own knowledge and skills.” She nodded with an excited grin.

“Yeah, and all the old wikis are gone, so nobody knows anything concrete anymore about the trickery that used to be possible,” Command pointed out. “Heck, I don’t think anyone knows for sure where the new stuff was supposed to spawn or how to best interact with the mobs they added.”

“You’re just gonna watch?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. “Are you gonna build anything?”

“I’d like to see what sort of server this turns into first,” Command explained. “I’d like to be as hands off as possible unless I’m needed.”

“So, while it gets populated… What’s the plan?” The snake flopped onto the bed again.

“Idunno, I was just gonna watch to see what happened,” Command admitted, leaning back in his chair

“Well, don’t let me distract you.” She rolled onto her back.

“I’ll probably just play a non-intensive game while I wait,” Command agreed. “I mean, I hear tales of the old servers and how wholesome they were. Maybe we’ll see a revival.”

“Or it could be total anarchy.” She snorted. “Meanwhile, what are you going to play to pass the time?”

“Probably some simulated Animal Crossing,” Command noted, clicking over to his other screen and booting up an emulator. “I’ve heard it’s a wholesome time-sink.”

“And what’s that about?” She asked.

“I think the latest version was...start on a small island, and through time and hard work, turn it into a village of your dreams,” Command mused. “It’s a real-time life simulator. Time moves in the game like it does out here, not everything is available all the time. And broadly, one of the goals is to ‘collect’ one specimen of every bug and fish for the museum, as well as all the art and fossils. But you could also just make a project of making the nicest town, breeding cool flowers...it’s very much ‘what would you do if you had absolute power’ the game.”

“Huh. Interesting.” Zossi blinked and rolled back over onto her stomach.

“Yup. The characters are cute, the furniture is realistic-looking, and the bugs and fish are hyper-realistic looking,” Command agreed, as the signature music started playing. “A little off-putting, but it’s fun and overall a cute way to sink a few hours of your day into doing something.”

“That’s good.” She said with a sigh. “Maybe I should finally get a laptop or something. Laying here is only so fun when I’m not tired.”

“I mean, what do you want to do?” the human looked over at the snek from his chair, with an eyebrow raised. “We can’t go much of anywhere until after the inspector’s paid his visit.”

She shrugged. “Want a blowjob?” She stayed deadpan, then burst into a fit of giggles.

Command snerked in unity with her, chuckling a little. “I mean, if that was a serious offer, I wouldn’t say no,” he eventually said. “But...something tells me by the way we’re both giggling, it wasn’t.”

“Oh I may be able to unhinge my jaw, but I am in no way prepared for that.” She shook her head. “Maybe someday?” She shrugged.

“Entirely up to you, I’m not about to push the oh-so-dangerous snek lady into a physical relationship before she’s ready,” Command teased. “You might coil me so tight and never let me go~”

Her face flushing. “I-I’d prefer not squeezing you to death.”

“It was just a joke, love,” Command sighed. “I know you can control yourself better than that.” He picked up a nearby tablet and tossed it so it landed near her on the bed. “You can use that at least, I charged it last night and it’s plugged into the wi-fi.”

“Oooooo!” The viper pounced on the tablet. She grinned then blinked. “Have you used this recently?”

“The most use I get out of it is as a notepad for when I go shopping to remind me of what I need to buy,” the human replied. “I’ve got two screens at home for gaming, I mostly use it as a notepad and alarm clock, but it’s fully functional.”

“Good to know.” She nodded. She paused again. “I have no idea what to look for now that I have access to the internet.”

“And thus the most wholesome person online was discovered,” Command intoned in a sollem voice.

“I’m not looking up… stuff like that. Not when you’re awake and right there and…” She flushed and pouted.

“Okay, first of all, you do realize that I can’t see over your shoulder, and that it has an earbud jack, right?” Command pointed out. “Heck, it comes with a few built in in a compartment case you want privacy while browsing things with audio. And secondly, nobody said you had to, but the fact that your mind jumped there…”

“Shut up.” She puffed her cheeks out and glared at him.

“Plus there are things that aren’t videos on there,” Command continued. “Honestly, it’s like you assumed I was watching your every step.”

“I’m distracted, okay?” She huffed. “I’m just gonna... find something to distract me from my distraction.” She tapped away at the tablet.

“Fair enough, I’m just gonna chill with some wholesome town game,” Command teased back.

“Enjoy your town game.” She said with a small sigh.

Most of the afternoon was rather quiet and lazy. Not bad for either of them.

“I found a chatroom of other vipers.” Zossi announced.

“Good for you,” Command noted out loud. “All the companionship of talking with your fellow Viper without trying to get their scent off of me.”

“Yeah… that.” She said looking at the screen.

You two are all alone.

Just have at him. He won’t mind.

He probably enjoys getting wrapped up.

She was back to blushing.

“Enjoying the conversation?” Command posed, noting a lull in her typing on the tablet’s screen.

Her head snapped up. “Yep! Yes! This is all very wonderful!”

“Oh good, maybe I’ll get you your own tablet then,” Command smiled. “It’d be nice if you didn’t just have to borrow mine.”

“I’d appreciate that.” She nodded. “Though I might also want to get back to job hunting.”

“Just as long as you run them past me before you go to an interview,” Command warned. “I mean I won’t say no to you getting a job, but...I think you might need to be more educated about Earth culture before you try taking some of the jobs out there.”

“Absolutely.” She nodded. “Though, why do you say no to exotic dancing?” She blinked at him.

“It wasn’t just the dancing,” Command pointed out. “I looked up where you said you got the offer from, and that’s the lightest thing they do there. The pole-dancing was just the tip that I needed to look into it. Let’s just say the girls there tend to walk away with more than money as a tip.”

“Ooooooo…..” The viper winced. “I see…”

“I mean if you want to try, we can try getting a pole installed in here and-” Command started to tease.

“No! No! Definitely not!” Her face flushed further as her hood poofed out.

“Thought so,” Command agreed. “Well, I’ll be sure to curate any jobs you look at to make sure you’re not doing something you’d regret.”

“I’d actually appreciate that.” She nodded, settling back down to the bed again. Her face scrunched up briefly only for it to go bright pink again. Her eyes widened as she stared at the tablet. She occasionally glanced up at Command, then back to the tablet.

The human tapped away at his computer, humming to himself. He wasn’t paying attention to her, he was playing that island maintenance game.

She chewed her lip then quietly sat up to tug her t-shirt off. She quietly slithered up behind him and pressed her venom sacks against him. Specifically, pressing the back of his head between them as they rested on his shoulders.

“Mmmph?” Command looked to the left and right and chuckled. “Ah. I see Confident Zossi has come out to play,” he noted, somewhat muffled by the flesh around his head. “Hello to you too love.”

“They said that guys like to push their face between them.” She said aloud, her face still burning.

“Ah, well, yes, some males do like to do that,” Command agreed. “I think the important thing is that you’re comfortable doing it though,” he countered. “It’s okay to step outside your comfort zone a little, try new things, but don’t force yourself into doing something you don’t wholly want to do.”

“I mean, I don’t really get how they could be attractive, but… I guess there’s something oddly satisfying about it?” She said with a hum, resting her chin on the top of his head.

“I like to think of my goals with you as a person as twofold,” Command noted. “One, help you achieve your goals of getting gainful employment and being seen as a useful member of society. And two, get you to being a more confident Viper on a regular basis.” He looked up at the snek resting her head on his. “Sort of like this,” he agreed. “But more...you telling me what you want, so I can act on that information.”

“Isn’t the term baby steps?” She asked.

“Hey, people aren’t some kit you assemble out of a box,” Command teased. “You can go as fast or as slow as you feel like you need to. I’ll follow along and tell you if it’s too fast for my liking.”

“Okay.” She said sheepishly. “I’m… gonna go put my shirt back on…”

“Do you have to?” Command asked. “I kinda like the idea that you’re comfortable enough around me to try seducing me again. Plus, you’re just sexy to look at.”

She blinked. “I am?”

The human saved the game he was playing, before turning his chair around and hugging the Viper’s upper body close to his chest. “Honestly,” he admitted, rubbing his hands over her back and drinking in her form with his eyes. “I have trouble not stroking your scales and telling you how beautiful and sexy you are sometimes.”

“Really?” She relaxed against him. “Tell me more.”

“Your scale pattern is soothing to the eyes, your voice relaxes the ears, and cuddling up against you after a long day of dealing with idiots online heals my soul in ways I wasn’t sure it was injured in,” Command answered, piling the praise on like maple syrup on pancakes. “Honestly, you’re the best thing to happen to me, and I’m grateful for every day you decide to spend with me.”

“Oh… wow…” She said quietly.

“Mhm.” The human leaned forward and kissed one of her cheeks, softly. “Honestly,” he said, “The only reason I keep my hands to myself is because I don’t want to come off as pushy to the best bed-mate I’ve had.”

“Well….I wouldn’t mind… if you got a little handsy… sometimes.” She then immediately buried her face into his shoulder.

“How about,” Command said, reaching down and taking one of her hands delicately, and then he placed his wrist in her grip. “You show me where I can touch?”

“Ok-”

The front door knocked.

“.... Later.” She sighed as she pulled away and slithered over to the bed to tug her shirt back on.

“-So really,” Command was saying to the building inspector, who had only gotten to the second floor after an hour of dealing with the first-floor tenants. “The main issues we’re having in the building are twofold. While Zossi really doesn’t mind the heat in the summer-”

Command indicated the Viper, who waved shyly.

“-I would at least like the ability to open the window and maybe put in an AC unit that blows onto my desk so I don’t cook. And conversely, there’s no working heating system for when sudden cold snaps come in,” the human in the room finished summing up the issues they’d been noting with the apartment building.

The thin, pale-gray-skinned “man” with large, solid-black eyes nodded as he wrote on a clipboard. He wore a white button down shirt and jeans and nodded along as Command spoke. “Okay. Mind if I take a quick look in the bathroom to see the conditions in there?”

“That’s fine,” Command agreed, stepping to one side. “The only other real issue we’re having we can talk about when you come back out, though I have my doubts about you being able to help with it.” He hummed to himself as the Sectoid walked through the door to the bathroom. “I think I’ve been doing good on keeping the mold growth down…”

The bathroom light was flicked on. “Well depends on if you're referring to wanting to bang your snake friend over there, see how much a hitman is worth for taking out some bitchy roommates, or trying to distract me by thinking about cats.” The sectoid’s head popped out of the bathroom for a moment and he just tapped his temple with a small smile, before ducking back in. “And, baring a little mildew spray, everything looks pretty good.”

“Thank you, and to address your points in order of importance,” Command said as the ‘man’ walked back out of the bathroom. “I’m letting her make the first moves, even if I am incredibly attracted to her, because I’m trying to prove chivalry isn’t dead while I build up her confidence in herself, should I get tested for Psi potential to try and keep my thoughts private, and honestly, you can’t tell me you weren’t thinking of doing the same in the first minute upon meeting the majority of the trio.”

“Pffft.” The inspector snorted as he came back out, scribbling on his clipboard. “I just filtered what they needed through her bitching, beyond that I just played minesweeper.”

“Fair, wish I could do that,” Command answered with a nod. “No, the other issue is...Zossi’s kinda feeling lonely as the only extra-terrestrial in the building, and also as the only second-floor tenant with me. But it’s not your job to solve either of those issues, soooo…”

“Ooooo, that.” He nodded. “Well I am looking for a smaller place, myself.” He mused aloud. “Never really liked the fancy, expensive highrises, feels like a bit too much. To be honest, and I hope I don’t offend, but slumming it sounds kind of nice. Keep things simple.”

“I mean, there’s a reason I live here,” Command agreed. “It was about what I feel comfortable with, even if there was a scumbag taking most of the money we got for housing Zossi. Without that, we could have probably moved up, but eh...this is comfy. We don’t have to worry about maintaining much of anything on our own, we bring issues up with someone whose job it is to make sure we’re alright in exchange for a flat rent rate.” The human blinked a few times as he considered a few facts. “Actually...the quality of service started to go downhill after Zossi moved in…”

“That would be when he started skimping money.” The inspector nodded. “Oh, and if you need anything else, I’m also a contractor. If this place needs a bit more work done, here.” He held out his card. Simon Jones was the name on the card.

“Well, I wouldn’t know about the condition of the other rooms on this level,” Command noted, even as he tucked the card away in a pocket for later. “So you may want to give them a look while you’re here. I don’t think there’s been enough people here for them to be occupied in at least a year.”

“That’s concerning.” He deadpanned. “Well, I’ll go take a look at them before checking with the other two ladies downstairs.”

“Thanks for doing this for us,” Command said with a genuine smile, even going so far as to shake Simon’s hand before he left. “Honestly, I’m seeing more good in you than my landlord showed once Zossi was placed with me.”

“You’re quite welcome, Commander.” He said with a chuckle. “Happy to help.”

Once the sectoid had left, Command sighed and sat back in his chair in front of his desk, rotating around to look at Zossi. “So,” he said in a conversational tone. “Now that we have some breathing room in the budget, I was thinking I could go out and get psi-tested. I hear they’ve worked out how to get it done in an hour these days.”

“Oh, that would be something.” Zossi blinked, as she returned to her spot on the couch.

“Mhm, but not everyone who gets tested is positive, you know, so it might be a lot of money blown on a negative result,” the human pointed out. “Still, it’s something all humans should do at least once in their lifetimes.” He shrugged. “Just never saw the need before now.” Especially if we end up with Simon as a housemate, he thought to himself.

“Well, now that we have money to actually spend, you could.” The viper nodded.

“You sure you’d be okay by yourself for an hour?” Command raised an eyebrow. “Not going to apply for a job without me, are you?”

“No, no, I’ll just browse the web for stuff.” Zossi shrugged.

“Okay, see you in a bit then,” Command said, heaving himself out of his chair and grabbing his wallet. He walked over to the couch and gave the Viper a quick hug and a peck on her cheek, before heading out the door.

Turned out that the only place he had to go was the hospital. There was a simple test that you had to go through, then you’d receive your results in a couple of days. So that’s exactly where Command found himself.

The human receptionist looked up as he stepped up to the desk. “Hi there, what can I help you with?”

“Hi, yes, I’ve recently come into a bit of money,” Command explained, “And I looked for my closest Psi-testing facility. Turns out it was here, and that you took walk-ins, at least, according to the site.”

She smiled. “Yes, that’s on the second floor, number’s two-thirty. All you’ll need is a copy of your insurance card and your ID. If insurance doesn’t cover it, then you’ll have to pay, if they do, then it’s just a co-pay.”

“Ah, well, I never really inquired before, so I guess it’ll be a learning experience for everyone,” Command joked. “Wasn’t curious before, didn’t have money, then I was curious but still had no money.”

“Well do you have insurance?” She asked with a giggle.

“Yeah, I have a card in my wallet, do I show it to you, or…” Command asked, pulling out a slim fabric wallet from his pants pocket.

“No need.” She shook her head. “Just head upstairs and talk to the desk in their ward.”

“Ah, easy enough,” Command nodded, putting the wallet back away and tipping an imaginary hat at the woman. “Thank you for the directions, ma’am.”

“You’re welcome.” She nodded back at him. Command smiled at her as he went up the nearest set of stairs, following the signs until he found the Psi testing ward. He opened the door and knocked on it a few times as he peeked his head in, to get a view of what he was getting himself into.

It was…. A reception area. Complete with carpeted floors, an array of chairs and tables, complete with various magazines, and a long counter with a spot for two computers along the left side of the room (however only one was occupied). A Sectoid sat at the computer nearest the door and was on the phone with someone as he looked at his computer. There was a single hallway beyond the reception counter. As Command approached, the receptionist smiled and held up a finger to wait.

Ah, yeah. Psychic. The human nodded once and stood back, humming to himself as he waited for the Sectoid to finish his call. He probably knew exactly why Command was here. Heck, considering he worked behind the desk, he also probably knew if his insurance would be accepted or not.

The receptionist finished up his conversation, hung up the phone and started to type away at the keyboard. “Mister Line, it’ll be a few minutes but can I get your card and ID?” He asked looking up at the man.

“Yeah, not a problem,” Command said, walking up and pulling out his wallet. “Insurance card, government issued ID, here you are.” He put them next to one another on the counter and slid them a little closer to the receptionist.

They were taken and the receptionist took them to make a copy. He then gave them back. “It’ll be a few minutes. And that’ll also be a two dollar co-pay.”

“Fair enough,” Command smiled and slid his card through the reader. It dinged approved. He smiled at the receptionist.

“I’ll just wait over there,” He nodded, heading over to the chairs and picking up a likely-looking magazine. Hmm, ten facts about each extraterrestrial you didn’t know before. Could be a good laugh, if nothing else.

It was quiet for a few minutes. There were a couple other people who came in after him. A nurse in scrubs came out. A woman with yellow skin and a mane of pink hair. Her soft voice still carried throughout the room. “Command Line?”

“That’s me,” Command nodded, getting up and putting his magazine down. “My turn then?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as he did.

“Yep, I’m Fluttershy, I’ll be the nurse in charge of your examination.” She gestured at a small platform next to her. “First, your weight. Would you please step on the scale here?”

Command nodded as he stepped past the double doors keeping the waiting room separate from the proper ward. “Shoes on or off?” he asked, standing in front of the scale.

“Doesn’t matter.” She smiled as she pushed a button. “And… one-hundred and thirty.” She gestured down the hallway. “It’ll be the first room on your right.”

“Thank you,” Command nodded, heading to the indicated doorway. Huh. It looked like a standard doctor’s waiting room. He wasn’t unused to these. He found the bench and sat on it, waiting for his turn with the doctor.

Nurse Fluttershy input a few things at her laptop. “And you’re here for just a Psy test today?”

“That’s the idea, yes,” Command agreed. “Just to see if I’m sensitive to it or not.”

“That should be easy.” She nodded. “Doctor Echo should be a couple minutes.”

“Yeah, the healthcare system is still all about ‘hurry up and wait,’” Command quipped with a joking smile. “Ah well, I guess not even extraterrestrials can help us untangle bureaucracy.”

“He’s actually in another appointment.” Fluttershy giggled. “But I understand what you mean.”

“Yeah, I’ll just have to be sure not to make those jokes to the actual doctor,” Command smirked. “Anyways, thanks for your work here, ma’am.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” She said softly, with a small blush.

“I’m well aware that when a patient is sick or needs attention quickly, when a monitor starts behaving erratically, the nurses are the front of the line in diagnosing and treating problems,” Command answered seriously. “You’re braver than you know.”

“I’m just here to help people.” She said with a nod.

“And I’m sure you’ve saved quite a few with some quick thinking,” Command smiled at her. “Hopefully, and I hope you don’t mind me saying this, I won’t need any help for this beyond what the doctor has to do for the procedure.”

“It’s pretty simple. Just lay in a machine for a little while while your brain gets scanned.” She shook her head. “It’s basically an MRI.”

“Ah, well, hopefully I don’t fall asleep,” Command teased.

“Trust me, you won’t.” She giggled.

A sectoid in a long white doctor’s coat walked in. “That’s another one down, and… Mister Line, I guess you’re next.” He smiled looking over the laptop that Fluttershy had passed him.

“I rather hope so, otherwise I’d be paying a lot of money for a nice conversation with a lovely nurse,” Command joked. “I hear it’s cheaper in the red light district, but they’re probably not medical professionals.”

“Either way, it’s less expensive than a therapist.” The doctor chuckled. “Right this way Mister Line.” He gestured at Command to follow him. “I’m Doctor Smith. And this shouldn’t take all that long.”

The human got up and followed after the Sectoid as he was led to the exam room. Said “exam room” was a counter and computer on one side of a window and a large tube-like machine on the other side of the glass. A door separated the two rooms. The doctor led Command over to the machine. “Go ahead and have a lay down there.” He gestured to the machine.

Command sat on the stretcher-like protrusion from the machine, before hoisting his legs up and turning so that he was laying flat on the flat surface in one smooth motion. “I get a lot of practice in getting quickly to bed,” he explained. “If I want to get in on my own, I have about five seconds before my Viper roommate coils around me for warmth and drags me in anyways.”

“Oh, lucky man.” Doctor Smith chuckled as he walked back into the adjacent room and sat at the computer. There was a click and the doctor’s voice came out of a speaker on the wall. “Now, this is going to be loud.”

And it was. The machine gave a very loud hum as it started and Command was drawn into the tube. There wasn’t much to do beyond wait.

“Now you might get a slight headache. That’s normal.” Could be barely heard over the humming.

“That’s kinda the reason we’re here,” Command agreed, wincing at the noise and sudden pain. “Now that you mention it, it’s kinda like a caffeine withdrawal headache…”

“That sounds like what everyone says.”

“You’ve never seen me make coffee,” Command joked. “Otherwise you might be worried.”

“Lemme guess. Black tar?”

“Worse,” the human answered. “Found some old recipes stashed on a thumb drive, labeled ‘do not let into the hands of starbucks,’ and I work sometimes late into the night on my computer, so…” He chuckled. “One’s called ‘Hellbrew.’ It involves making coffee with coffee as the base ingredient a fair few times.”

“Might need to snag some of those for a few coworkers. And, scan’s just about done, just another minute.”

“There’s an improved version,” Command noted. “Sadly, it’s impossible to do these days, at least according to the recipe. It’s called a ‘Nirvana’, and it has all the power of the Hellbrew but none of the taste. Whoever made it used like five different flavors to mask the taste of the coffee entirely, and two of them don’t exist anymore.”

“Damn Advent. Ah well.”

The machine stopped humming and Command was slid out of the tube. Doctor Smith walked in as Command sat up. “So, it’ll take a couple days to get the results. Looking at brainwaves is a bit of a tricky business.”

“I get it,” Command chuckled. “The old saying was ‘it’s not rocket science,’ but honestly, I’d like to add ‘it’s not psionics’ to the list of sayings. I don’t fancy the idea of having your job.”

“It’s not a turmur.” Doctor Smith did a passable impression of The Govenator. He chuckled. “You’re good to go by the way, all the work is on our side.”

“Ah, thanks very much, and if you shoot me a message later I’ll try to send you the recipes I have recovered,” Command said. “Maybe we can work out a replacement for the things that aren’t around anymore.”

“Well take my card.” Doctor Smith fished a card out of his pocket and held it out. “It has my email.”

“Ah, thanks,” Command nodded, putting the card in the pocket with his wallet. “I’ll be sure to use it when I get home. And thanks again for doing this.”

“Of course.” Doctor Smith nodded. “Thanks for coming in.”

“And so I put his head between my venom sacks.” Zossi said aloud, as she wrote her message into the chatroom.

Oh I bet he loved that.

I don’t get why human males like them so much.

Yeah, they kinda carry deadly poison.

Most humans have a thing for them on their own females, so it’s kinda natural.

“Well, he liked it.” Zossi flushed, cuddling into her blanket in front of the heater.

I’m sure he did.

So what happened next?

“Well… He gave me a lot of compliments. I didn’t think he thought I was that attractive. But I guess I was wrong.”

Viper, you need to surprise him when he gets home.

“Oh, I don’t know…”

Sweetie, he’ll love whatever you end up doing. I’m sure he’s just happy to have you in his life. My partner says that to me all the time.

I kinda feel bad for earth women, what with all these ‘alien waifus’ being real.

Honey, if women want dick, they get a muton.

Damn straight!

Hey Zos, how big is he?

Zossi eeped aloud. “I have no idea!”

Come on, you haven’t peeked?

You must have once.

“I’m polite.”

Says the viper who goes around naked.

How long did it take him to find out that it’s not a ‘cultural thing?’

“Not long…” Zossi pouted. “He lets me keep doing it though.”

Viper, marry him.

He’s a catch.

Show him how much you appreciate him.

“I’d die of embarrassment first.”

Zos, seriously, just spin his little rolley chair around, unhinge your jaw, and blow his mind by making him fuck your throat.

Holy shit! Tone it down a little.

That’s hot.

“Eh….” Zossi’s finger pressed down on ‘e’ a few too many times.

I think you broke her.

She’s so innocent! It’s adorable!

Zossi shook herself. “I can be naughty!”

Naughty… Oh you sweet summer child.

Somebody’s been reading some old earth literature.

Sad the series never got finished.

Getting off topic.

“It’s fine.” Zossi sighed. “Vipers, I might go and calm down by… looking up cat videos or something.”

Or something.

Behave you.

“Bye.” She rolled her eyes and logged off. No, what to do with her time. She didn’t know how long Command would be gone for.

A thought crossed her mind.

A naughty thought…

She bit her lip.

The front door opened, and Command sighed as he walked into the apartment. “Well, that was painless, aside from the head...ache…”

The reason he trailed off was obvious as he looked up and into the apartment itself.

Zossi’s face was flushed as her eyes were glued to the tablet. She was covered mostly in the blanket but he could definitely see movement inside it. There were… rather lewd noises coming from the tablet itself. Zossi gave a whine and looked over as if just noticing him.

She froze.

The tablet clattered to the floor as the viper disappeared under the couch.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry!”

O...kay. First thing to do, figure out what she had been doing that caused her to bolt.

So naturally, Command picked up the tablet and looked at it. That was some... rather graphic human on viper action.

Okay. So was she apologizing for watching porn on his tablet, or...something else? First thing to do, close the video. A quick tap on the tablet saw to that. Second…

Command knelt down by the couch, not reaching under it. He knew better than to put a hand in the viper’s hidey hole. “Hey. Hey, Zossi. I’m not mad,” he soothed. “I just have...questions. Did you think I would be mad at you? I could never be mad at you, beautiful.”

“Sorry… I panicked.” Came the reply from under the couch. “I know watching isn’t bad, but you caught me…..”

Okay, that answered one question and made another the obvious one to ask. “Zossi...were you pretending that was you in the video? Is that why you thought I’d be mad?” Command tried to ask in as non-threatening a voice as possible.

“... Maybe.”

“......You know, if you want to try some of that later, I wouldn’t tell you no~” Command teased. The surest way to get her out was to make a ridiculous statement that she had no choice but to respond to. It also helped that he was telling the truth.

“Really?”

“Well it’d be hard to do any of that with you under the couch,” the human pointed out. He got up and stretched a little, before putting the tablet back on the couch, next to the blanket. “I’ll be in my chair, I’ve got an email to send real fast. You can go back to watching your totally-not-a-substitute relationship.”

The viper slowly slithered out from under the couch and plopped herself onto it. “I’m tempted, but I’m also nervous and embarrassed… So I’m torn.” She glanced at the tablet.

“Tell you what,” Command said, spinning in his chair so he faced the couch. “I’ll give you a kiss. One free kiss, on the mouth. And if that doesn’t help calm your nerves, fine. But if you choose to do more, that’s your choice.” He smiled. “I’ll just be the gleeful enabler.”

Zossi blinked, then her face flushed. She held out her arms. “‘Mere.”

Command got up and walked over to the couch, hugging the Viper close to him for a moment, just reveling in the hug. Eventually he pulled his head back and gave Zossi that kiss, his warm lips meeting her scaly ones. She melted against him, humming into his lips. Command ran his hands over her back, just soothing her with his touch as he held the kiss for as long as possible.

Eventually, Zossi had to break away, gasping for breath. She met Command’s eyes. “Wow… That…. That was… wow...”

“Mhm,” Command agreed, peppering her neck with a few kisses as well. What? She was this close, he wasn’t going to waste the chance to help her over her nervousness.

She immediately relaxed against the back of the couch. “Ohhh…. That’s nice... Just, keep doing that…”

Command didn’t let up for a moment, moving his hands around to massage the Viper’s front as he kept kissing her scales. He’d relax his roommate if it was the last thing he did. He also knew the large protrusions on her front were venom sacs, and thus felt nothing...so he didn’t pay much attention to them. Instead his hands traced along the inside of her hood while his kisses teased her collarbone.

Zossi whined a little. Her hood fluttered a little at the contact. “Commander…”

“Yes?” the human asked, pulling up and giving her a cocky smirk. “Is my sexy snek in need of something? Maybe she should take it~”

“I-I want you to-”

The door knocked.

Zossi blinked. Suddenly she frowned darkly. “Hold on.”

She got up and slithered over to the door and opened it.

“Wallflower, sweetie, I know you’re a worry wart, and I love you for that.” Zossi said sweetly. “But now is not the time.” The viper then shut the door and turned back to Command. There was a hungry look in her eye.

“...Zossi?” Command ventured. “You...okay there?”

She leapt on him.