Tabloid

by Paper_Pen

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Spitfire
Length: 1394

Rainbow Dash discovers a completely fake article about herself

"Pencil Pad" writes an article about the secret relationship between Spitfire and Rainbow Dash, only one problem, it isn't at all true... and Rainbow Dash isn't too happy about it.

Published 2020-04-23 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-23 04:30:01 UTC

Tabloid

'Cloudsdale Enquirer Exclusive: Wonderbolts Ace in secret relationship with team Captain! More on page 6' A headline in bright and bold text screamed to Rainbow Dash from the tabloid on her doorstep. A picture of her and Spitfire eating lunch sat under the headline and, when the pegasus flipped to the sixth page in immediate anger, similarly out of context or clearly edited images dotted the relating article.

A special sort of anger filled the mare's mind, the sort only reserved for that special kind of situation in which peace was not an option and somepony needed to pay. The entire article was one of lies, situations and facts taken out of context and painted into the author's light, it was nothing short of insidious. She looked to the end of the article, desperate to discover the identity of her literary assailant.

Pencil Pad, the degenerate pony who'd written this filth was named Pencil Pad. Even better, it listed their address.

It was a quick flight to Manehatten, anger fuelling the already super-ponily fast mare as she flew through the air at supersonic speeds. Finally, she arrived at an old apartment building, angrily stomping her hooves through its halls before finally coming to the apartment listed. She knocked thrice, damn near splitting the wooden door.

"What the buck- by Celestia!" A very startled and startstrucken pegasus opened the door, "You- you're Rainbow Dash! I'm your biggest fan! I have like all of your action figures-"

"Cut the crap, liar!" Rainbow Dash spat at the stallion as she spoke, "What bucking right do you have to print lies about me?!"

"Rainbow Dash spat on me!" The stallion smiled and squealed excitedly, "Oh, uh, what are you talking about?"

"This!" Rainbow Dash held up the offending paper, flipped open and displaying the article, "Don't lie to me, Pencil Pad, tell the truth or this isn't gonna be pretty!"

"Pretty? You're beautiful…" The stallion fawned over the mare, a swift and hard kick to his shin snapping him out of it, "I have no idea what you're talking about, my name is Nightwatch! I mean, that's my address, but there isn't even somepony named Pencil Pad in this building!"

In the background, a certain unicorn's ears shot up at the name. Paper Pen, seeing Rainbow Dash, dropped the packages of paper in his hooves and frantically trotted towards his apartment. He slammed the door, shortly after sounds as if somepony were moving furniture came from behind the barrier.

"Hey, lovercolt, who's that?" Rainbow Dash asked Nightwatch, pointing towards Pen's apartment.

"Oh, that's just Paper Pen…" Nightwatch sneered, "Take my advice and steer clear of that freak, his door gets broken in by police like once every two months, can't be anything good going on in there." Paper Pen? That was close to Pencil Pad… suspiciously close.

"Why? What's he doing in his apartment?"

"His apartment? I meant his head!" Nightwatch gave an ugly laugh, one that Rainbow Dash didn't reciprocate.

"Okay then…" Rainbow Dash gave a confused or concerned look and turned to trot away. Seeing the opportunity he apparently thought he had begin to walk away, Nightwatch panicked and tried to think of something to say.

"C'mon, Rainbow, what do you want to do with that freak? Come in, I got cider and-"

"No." The blue pegasus firmly stated, not even looking back towards the stallion.

"Fine, Rarity is hotter anyways!" He huffed, angrily slamming his door.

The frustration just piled onto Rainbow Dash's initial anger, once she'd found this 'Pencil Pad' hack they were really in for it. Lying about her private life, making her fly all the way down to Manehattan and forcing the mare to deal with its special breed of urban jerkwad? She was no longer considering legal action and had already decided her defense in court after inevitably beating the pony's head in.

She got to Paper Pen's door and immediately tried the handle, as expected, it was locked. The mare gave three strong knocks.

"Nopony's home!" A gruff stallion stallion answered through the door.

"He means we're busy!" A lighter stallion voice corrected the stupid statement.

"It's important, I need answers!" Rainbow Dash shouted through the door, "Just… open the door a little bit, I just wanna ask you something and then I'll go away."

"Promise?" The lighter stallion voice asked.

"Promise…"

She could hear the two stallions speaking in mumbled whispers before the sound of moving furniture started back up again. After a few moments the door creaked open though only to the point that the chain lock would allow, a white snout stuck itself between the door and the frame.

"What do you want?" The white stallion snout asked.

Immediately Rainbow Dash grabbed the door and pulled hard, easily shattering the cheap metal chain lock and causing a very startled white unicorn stallion to fall flat on his face in front of the pegasus. His friend, a yellow pegasus, looked on with a similarly shocked gaze.

"Pen, we're bucked!" The pegasus panicked, trying at the apartment's painted shut window for a method of escape.

"I have no idea what you mean, Note." The unicorn stallion said calmly, standing up and brushing himself off.

"But Rainbow Dash is here, and I made those pictures, and you wrote-"

"All those checks to the charity, yes! We're billionaires, and quite philanthropic ones." Pen explained, "My friend here, he has a horrid phobia of celebrities, quite tragic all things considered. I was quite afraid something like this would happen, somepony rich and famous looking to the mysterious, selfless, and quite handsome benefactors of such a noble cause… well, as I've explained a proper meeting won't be possible and, for my friend's sake, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Really, you're a billionaire? Living in a run down apartment building on the bad side of Manehattan?" Rainbow questioned, unconvinced.

"It's uh… it's my marefriend's!" Pen answered.

"Hey, you have a marefriend now?" Note excitedly rushed to his friend's side, "I can't believe you never told me, c'mon, tell me all about her!"

Pen wiped his face with frustration as Rainbow shot them both a judging look.

"So before you sue me," Pen began with a sigh, "You should know that I really don't have much."

"Seriously? You're trying to guilt trip me?" Rainbow sneered.

"What? No, I'm telling you there isn't much to gain. It's like mugging a foal, you're not gonna get anything good out of it." Pen reasoned, punctuating his point with a shrug, "Really, you should be suing the Cloudsdale Enquirer, they're the ones who told me to 'find' a story about you."

"And your idea of a story is that I'm dating my captain?!" Rainbow Dash asked angrily.

"Oh you poor, stupid thing…" Pen shook his head, "The Enquirer is a tabloid, not a newspaper. They don't hire actual reporters to find the facts, they pay freelancers like me to write conspiracy theories about King Sombra, bogus weight loss tips from ponies whose only credibility is formerly having a medical license, and complete lies about the personal lives of famous ponies. You know it sucks, I know it sucks, but it sells."

"Well, can't you tell them to tell ponies your bogus story isn't true?"

"Why would they print something damaging their brand? Corrections aren't marketable… but…" Pen suddenly brought his hoof to his chin and looked up in thought, "If I interview you, I could write a hit piece on the Cloudsdale Enquirer with your backing, sell it to the Manehattan Times, and then you can literally destroy their entire company!"

Rainbow Dash thought about the offer for a moment. It was an alright deal, but still, she wasn't exactly ready to trust this pony.

"What's stopping me from doing the same thing with an actual reporter, one who'd actually pay me for it, and using the funds to sue you until even your Cutie Mark is my property?"

"I'll give you anything I get from selling the story, I just wanna get in with a real paper. And you know that horrible pony you were talking to before, Nightwatch?" Pen offered.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"We go to the same laundromat, I'll throw my cat's litter box in with his clothes!"

"Deal!" Rainbow agreed to his terms and shook the unicorn's hoof.